- Earth President Richard Nixon: If there's one thing Nixon is known for, it's class. Let's cut this turd loose!
- [from trailer]
- Bender: [Fry is about to go to heaven] Wait, let me come with you.
- Philip J. Fry: I'm sorry, Bender, robots don't go to heaven.
- Bender: [sobbingly] Death to humans.
- Philip J. Fry: What Bender? Is something wrong?
- Bender: Yes. I joined the club I thought was cool. But it turned out all leaguee-weegies are totally lame. That's what we call ourselves. Leaguee-weegies.
- Philip J. Fry: Oh I'm sorry. I shoud have asked what was bothering you. I've been kind of preoccupied.
- Bender: With what?
- Philip J. Fry: Well, I went to another Universe and fell in love with a giant octopus; and now I'm Pope of a new religion.
- [Fry and Colleen are riding the 2-D Tunnel of Love]
- Philip J. Fry: Wow, Colleen, you even look beautiful in *2*-D?
- Colleen: I do? But from your perspective, I'm just a line segment.
- Philip J. Fry: A really hot line segment.
- Stephen Hawking's Head: Welcome. I am the pickled head of Stephen Hawking on a way cool rocket.
- Turanga Leela: Black-Hole Hawking? Wow! If I knew I was going to meet you I would have done something with my hair!
- Stephen Hawking's Head: You should have.
- Professor Farnsworth: Now I've often said "good news" when sending you on a mission of extreme danger; so when I say this anomaly is dangerous, you can imagine how dangerous I really think it is.
- Hermes Conrad: Not dangerous at all?
- Professor Farnsworth: Actually, quite dangerous indeed.
- Hermes Conrad: That is quite dangerous!
- Professor Farnsworth: Indeed.
- Colleen: Sorry I've been taking up so much of Fry's time. He's just so interesting. Have you seen how much cotton candy he can eat?
- Professor Farnsworth: Oh my, yes. 5.1 pounds. That's why his blood is so good on pancakes.
- Bender: Love doesn't share itself with the world. Love is suspicious, love is needy, love is fearful, love is greedy. My friends, there is no great love without great jealousy.
- Turanga Leela: People of everywhere, I have shocking news.
- Yivo: Hey, butt out! This is between me and everyone else in existence.
- Turanga Leela: Yivo talks a lot about love, but what he's actually doing...
- Hermes Conrad: What shklee's actually doing.
- Turanga Leela: ...is mating with you! These aren't tentacles. They're genticles.
- Robot Devil: I rather think we could strike a deal, Bender. I shall give you your army of the damned, and in return I ask just one thing, just one itty-bitty thing: your firstborn son.
- [cackles]
- Bender: Just a sec.
- Bender's Firstborn Son: Daddy! I knew you'd come back!
- [hugs his father, cuts back to the Robot Devil still cackling]
- Bender: Here you go!
- [kicks his son into a fire pit]
- Robot Devil: [shocked] Wow! That was pretty brutal even by MY standards!
- Bender: No backsies!
- Philip J. Fry: Yivo is the lover of all beings, male and female. But Yivo has no gender, thus Yivo has proclaimed that instead of "he" or "she," we are to use the word "shklee." And instead of "him" or "her," we are to use the word "shklim," or "shkler."
- [from trailer]
- Earth President Richard Nixon: Row-rowoo! The tentacles are coming toward Earth and there's no stopping it. King Kong is too old to save us this time!
- [looking at an old gorilla with a walker and an equally old woman in his hand]
- [from trailer]
- Philip J. Fry: I'll miss you, Bender. You and your robots, take good care of Earth. Here. These are the keys to the Bermuda Triangle. Lock up when the world ends.
- [from trailer]
- Turanga Leela: People of everywhere, I have shocking news!
- Yivo: Hey, butt out!
- Turanga Leela: These aren't tentacles, they're gentacles!
- Philip J. Fry: Ewwwwwww...
- Philip J. Fry: Yivo proposed! We're moving in with shkler!
- Bender: Y-you're leaving? But why can't Yivo just move in with us? We'll put a cot in Europe.
- Professor Farnsworth: Don't be daft, Bender. Yivo can't breathe outside the electric ether of shkler own universe. If shkle came here, shkle would shkluffocate.
- Bender: No shklit.
- Philip J. Fry: I don't know if I can put my heart on the line again only to have it broken and stumped on like a nerd's face.
- Bender: What's the matter? Did someone die or something?
- Turanga Leela: Kif died, Bender.
- Bender: Yes! Nailed it!
- Zapp Brannigan: Hell of a thing, sending another universe to certain doom. Lots of fun, though. Makes a man feel big.
- Professor Farnsworth: Don't listen to a word he says!
- Dr. Ogden Wernstrom: But I'm agreeing with you!
- Professor Farnsworth: I'll make you eat those words!
- Yivo: I should go now. The nature of your universe is burning me... even worse than my gonorrhea. You should get checked by the way.
- Stephen Hawking's Head: In conclusion, I understand nothing about the anomaly, even after cashing the huge check for writing a book about it.
- Prof. Hubert J. Farnsworth: [Enjoying the paradise] Eureka! Another elementary proof of the Goldbach conjecture
- [one of the oldest unsolved problems in mathematics]