- Rebecca Bloomwood: A man will never love you or treat you as well as a store. If a man doesn't fit, you can't exchange him seven days later for a gorgeous cashmere sweater. And a store always smells good. A store can awaken a lust for things you never even knew you needed. And when your fingers first grasp those shiny, new bags... oh yes... oh yes.
- Rebecca Bloomwood: [when Luke is actually quite adept at selecting clothes in a fashion emporium] You speak Prada?
- Rebecca Bloomwood: [receiving past-due bills by the score] They said I was a valued customer. Now they send me hate mail.
- Suze: Bex, I just found the perfect book for you.
- Garret E. Barton: Control Your Urge to Shop, with Garrett E. Barton. That's me. Do you find yourself constantly drawn toward stores?
- Suze: Yes.
- Rebecca Bloomwood: Nope.
- Garret E. Barton: Does your heart quicken when you see new merchandise in neatly stacked piles?
- Suze: Yes!
- Rebecca Bloomwood: no.
- Suze: this guy's good!
- Garret E. Barton: Did you answer "no" to these questions and are consequently in denial?
- Suze: yes.
- Rebecca Bloomwood: NO.
- Garret E. Barton: Did you just say "no" again?
- Rebecca Bloomwood: no...
- Rebecca Bloomwood: yes...
- Tarquin: Why do so many of your excuses involve Finland?
- Rebecca Bloomwood: Because nobody checks up on Finland,Tarkie.
- Rebecca Bloomwood: Don't talk about Fluke.
- Suze: Why? What happened?
- Rebecca Bloomwood: Alicia Bitch Longlegs is what happened.
- Suze: I hate her. Who is she?
- Jane Bloomwood: Cake?
- Alette Naylor: [hesitant] Yes.
- Alette Naylor: Oh no no no no, sorry, tiny, tiny, tiny. TINY! TINY!
- [cuts a sliver of crumbs]
- Alette Naylor: Thank you.
- Rebecca Bloomwood: [couldn't understand him, but slapped hin anyway] Men like you are the reason I left Finland!
- Suze: [Rebecca pushes away bills] I'll do this. It can't be that bad. It's just like a band-aid. It's gonna be fine.
- [both gasp loudly]
- Suze: Bex! Two hundred dollars on Marc Jacobs underwear?
- Rebecca Bloomwood: [pours the tequila] Oh, underwear is a basic, human, right.
- Suze: Seventy eight dollars on lavender honey?
- Rebecca Bloomwood: I felt sorry for the shop assistant. She had a lazy eye. I didn't know which way she was looking! I didn't know if she was looking at me, it was so sad.
- Suze: I can't even talk about this one.
- Rebecca Bloomwood: When I was 7 most of my friends stopped believing in magic. That's when I first started. They were beautiful, they were happy. They didn't even need any money, they had magic cards.
- Rebecca Bloomwood: When I shop, the world gets better, and the world is better, but then it's not, and I need to do it again.
- Graham Bloomwood: Your mother and I think that if the American economy can be billions in debt and still survive, so can you.
- Luke Brandon: Any financial stories that have caught your eye recently?
- Rebecca Bloomwood: Yes. And I am glad you brought that up.
- [Acts mad]
- Rebecca Bloomwood: Because I am furious. No, I really am.
- [Looks down at a newspaper folded in half with article title cut off]
- Rebecca Bloomwood: No, I mean, what is the story with the recent fish crisis?
- Luke Brandon: [Looks at her confused] Fish crisis?
- Rebecca Bloomwood: [Realizes she made a mistake] Fiscal... crisis.
- Luke Brandon: Fiscal crisis.
- Rebecca Bloomwood: Terrifying, Fiscally, I mean.
- Luke Brandon: How so?
- Rebecca Bloomwood: For the... fiscal family.
- Hayley: [Interrupts their conversation] I'm sorry
- Luke Brandon: Not a moment too soon.
- Denny & George Clerk: Declined.
- Rebecca Bloomwood: Can you try again?
- Denny & George Clerk: Really declined.
- Alette Naylor: You will make your column personal.
- Rebecca Bloomwood: Mm-hmm.
- Alette Naylor: [takes one shoe from a shoe box found next to her, on the table she's sitting at] You will take a piece from your own wardrobe, like this for example. This is very pretty.
- Graham Bloomwood: They're swell.
- Alette Naylor: This season, I believe.
- Rebecca Bloomwood: Um, well, they are Louboutins, so, I mean, well, they're not affordable fashion.
- Alette Naylor: Fear not, Chez Alette, we print the prices very small. Ha-ha! Ha-ha! Ha-ha! And after all, what are credit cards for, huh? You must know that.
- Rebecca Bloomwood: Yeah, wow. Yeah, no, I, um... I know all about credit cards. And final notices, and debt collectors. Um, they should print that in the fashion magazines. Right?
- Jane Bloomwood: Mm-hmm.
- Alette Naylor: Ahh... Rebecca, you have a moral conscience. But if you want to work for my magazine...
- Rebecca Bloomwood: No, no, I really... I wanna work at Alette.
- Graham Bloomwood: What's the matter, baby?
- Rebecca Bloomwood: I just, I have that really annoying feeling in the pit of my stomach. You know that, that feeling when...?
- Jane Bloomwood: Yes, yes, yes. I get it... I get it in the back of my head.
- Rebecca Bloomwood: Yeah, when... You know what I mean?
- Jane Bloomwood: You wanna do something, but you sort of feel like you shouldn't?
- Rebecca Bloomwood: That's it!
- Graham Bloomwood: I get heartburn.
- Rebecca Bloomwood: I just... I have made so many mistakes, and I feel like taking this job would be another one.
- Alette Naylor: Before you make your decision, you should know this. When I leave this house, the opportunity leave with me.
- Rebecca Bloomwood: Well, then you should both go.
- Alette Naylor: C'est la vie.
- Rebecca Bloomwood: You know that thing when you see someone cute and he smiles and your heart kind of goes like warm butter sliding down hot toast? Well, that's what it's like when I see a store. Only it's better.
- Suze: You took a job at a savings magazine? You?
- Rebecca Bloomwood: I know it sounds bad, but it is, in fact, part of a very structured plan.
- Suze: Yeah, that's great, but then in a lot of ways it's kinda not great. What do they call it when an animal rights person gets trampled to death by a cow?
- Rebecca Bloomwood: I don't think there *is* a word for that.
- Suze: "Ironic." Ironic that Rebecca Bloomworth is advising people on how to handle money.
- Miss Korch: [Miss Kortch goes through everyone's duties] Millinery?
- D. Freak: What you call me?
- Miss Korch: Hats.
- D. Freak: Oh.
- Rebecca Bloomwood: And all I would say, is that you never hear anyone say, "There goes a zebra with a small ass."
- Rebecca Bloomwood: [to her potential employer] I can do affordable fashion. I mean, I know where all the sales are.
- Jane Bloomwood: Yes, she does. Oh, in fact she got that from me.
- Rebecca Bloomwood: [laughing hysterically] No, I didn't. I didn't. I didn't, I didn't, I didn't.
- Alette Naylor: Your column will be 'Affordable Fashion.' 500 words, once a month... Welcome to Alette.
- Rebecca Bloomwood: I can do affordable fashion! I mean, I know where all the sales are!
- Jane Bloomwood: [interrupting] Yes she does, oh! In fact, she got that from me!
- Rebecca Bloomwood: [laughing] I didn't, I didn't! No, I didn't, I didn't, I didn't...
- Graham Bloomwood: [talk to Rebecca] Life is like a swap meet. You never know when great riches... are going to turn up unexpectedly.
- Rebecca Bloomwood: That means you paid twenty... twenty-three dollars for a hot dog!
- Luke Brandon: [was walking away, turns around, nods, smiles] You want your scarf, I want my hot dog. Cost and worth are very different things.
- Rebecca Bloomwood: Try to enjoy yourself. No, no, you have to savor shopping.
- Luke Brandon: No, you don't. You have to strike with precision and get out.
- Rebecca Bloomwood: [startled cry] What's behind you?
- [referring to the King Kong sized billboard outside]
- Luke Brandon: [looks out of window, seas nothing out of ordinary] Uh...
- Rebecca Bloomwood: Oh, my God, it's a naked man!
- [clutches her upper chest]
- Rebecca Bloomwood: Oh, sorry. It gave me such a fright. I, uh...
- [shakes her head]
- Rebecca Bloomwood: I didn't know what it was. Clearly, he's beheaded. Who would do that to him?
- Luke Brandon: [clears throat] Well, a few questions.
- Rebecca Bloomwood: But, look!
- [flies up]
- Rebecca Bloomwood: Makes you wonder what they're looking at on the fifth floor, right? You could turn your desk around and just stare at it all day. I would...
- [laughs, but isn't joined]
- Rebecca Bloomwood: Not.
- Luke Brandon: Ms. Bloomwood.
- [gestures at Rebecca to sit down]
- Rebecca Bloomwood: I'm not a pervert.
- Rebecca Bloomwood: [takes a look at the price tag of the dress she selected] Oh, God...
- Alicia Billington: Is there a problem?
- Rebecca Bloomwood: Pretty much my entire first month's salary.
- Alicia Billington: Mm.
- [shakes her head]
- Alicia Billington: But isn't it worth it?
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