40 reviews
My most disappointing rental so far, by a long way.
I didn't have very high expectations for this movie. I was expecting something low budget but watchable, around the standard of 'King Arthur', 'The Last Legion', 'Reign of Fire' or a Uwe boll movie (if you have seen any of those?) or a feature length episode of Xena Warrior Princess... But even with such low expectations I was surprised by how bad this film is. It's much worse than any of the above.
If you have ever seen a movie made by high school students. Which stars themselves and their friends running about in the woods and play fighting... Then you will have some idea of what to expect here. This is not just a cruel exaggeration it really is that bad. In fairness you might wonder where they got the money for a boat and a snow machine, but otherwise 'school media project' is about the standard we are talking here.
This movie is basically about a bunch of Vikings who sail to a distant land, which turns out to be inhabited by low budget werewolves. Don't be fooled into thinking that the movie has any relevance to the Viking god Thor or actual mythology... It doesn't. They just reused the name (presumably to add inaccuracy to the long list of flaws in this film).
The film has a distinctly amateur feel even by TV movie standards. At no point did I ever believe I was watching real Vikings. I'm not even sure if I was watching real actors since most of the lines are simply read aloud rather than acted. And half-heartedly forcing out a 'ye' or a 'thou' in a modern Liverpool accent didn't add anything to believability.
The set is quite literally 'the woods at the bottom of someone's garden' and most of the film takes place within 50 feet of an old shed, which we are supposed to believe is a village.
It's difficult to find anything good to say about this movie. Some of the girls are nice looking I guess... that's about it *shrug* You might want to watch this just to see how bad it really is, but most of it is boring and painful rather than amusing.
I normally reserve ratings of 1 and 2 for films where the sound and picture quality is so bad that the film is virtually unwatchable. This film doesn't have those problems but I just can't bring myself to give it a 3. Unless you are Todor Chapkanov's parents, you aren't going to be impressed by this.
If you have ever seen a movie made by high school students. Which stars themselves and their friends running about in the woods and play fighting... Then you will have some idea of what to expect here. This is not just a cruel exaggeration it really is that bad. In fairness you might wonder where they got the money for a boat and a snow machine, but otherwise 'school media project' is about the standard we are talking here.
This movie is basically about a bunch of Vikings who sail to a distant land, which turns out to be inhabited by low budget werewolves. Don't be fooled into thinking that the movie has any relevance to the Viking god Thor or actual mythology... It doesn't. They just reused the name (presumably to add inaccuracy to the long list of flaws in this film).
The film has a distinctly amateur feel even by TV movie standards. At no point did I ever believe I was watching real Vikings. I'm not even sure if I was watching real actors since most of the lines are simply read aloud rather than acted. And half-heartedly forcing out a 'ye' or a 'thou' in a modern Liverpool accent didn't add anything to believability.
The set is quite literally 'the woods at the bottom of someone's garden' and most of the film takes place within 50 feet of an old shed, which we are supposed to believe is a village.
It's difficult to find anything good to say about this movie. Some of the girls are nice looking I guess... that's about it *shrug* You might want to watch this just to see how bad it really is, but most of it is boring and painful rather than amusing.
I normally reserve ratings of 1 and 2 for films where the sound and picture quality is so bad that the film is virtually unwatchable. This film doesn't have those problems but I just can't bring myself to give it a 3. Unless you are Todor Chapkanov's parents, you aren't going to be impressed by this.
Bad bad bad
Okay just a few quirks for myself here - if you are making a story of the Norse gods don't you think that at least one of the actors would have had a Nordic accent?? And the acting ... well it was good for the dialog, I suppose it could have been worse although I don't know how. I have to wonder if at any time during the production why no one went to the writers and demanded a rewrite. Now if you are going to make a story about a rich mythology, I would hope that someone at sometime would have done at least a little research about it ... I wouldn't be as upset except they made a point of using the name of every god or goddess they could muster - if it were a random bunch of Nordic names it would be one thing, but it was fairly obvious that these characters were meant to BE the Norse gods-- c'mon, get the attributes correct! Its like someone was playing Quake and wrote down all that happened and made it into a script. This is a movie that every Heathen will regret. Pass it by.
- gingergargoyle
- Jun 29, 2009
- Permalink
Amateur Dramatic Company Versus Werewolves
It's easy to see how an idea like this gets commissioned . Someone contacts a producer with a pitch of " It's all about vikings fighting werewolves " or in other words DOG SOLDIERS with swords . So we all agree that there's a good premise ? Good . So why does everyone hate it ?
Easy to explain - the budget for one thing , well maybe the everything is summed up by the budget which means no decent director can hire worthwhile actors , make up crew etc . , or more realistically the producer couldn't hire a decent director in the first place . Not to be too cruel though and that is the director tries to disguise his small budget by shooting action scenes in the dark or holding on an extreme close up of a viking as he fights off an unseen pack of werewolves . Good try Mr Director but it's painfully obvious there's only enough money for two werewolf costumes
The other major irritant is that the cast are to be blunt extremely amateurish . All of them seem to come from another country with differing accents . We even have a multi-ethnic company of vikings with a contrived and needless explanation for it . Looking on the bright side Paterson Joseph doesn't appear and the actor in question Daz Crawford looks like he's playing an anorexic Mike Tyson with a Lancashire accent
I will be charitable and say the cast are not helped one bit by the dialogue . It really is heavy handed , stilted and bombastic . There's no camp value involved and you get the feeling it was written for the Royal Shakespeare Company . Unfortunately Will Shakespeare hadn't thought of adding monsters to any of his more turgid dramas and watching this film you may understand why
Easy to explain - the budget for one thing , well maybe the everything is summed up by the budget which means no decent director can hire worthwhile actors , make up crew etc . , or more realistically the producer couldn't hire a decent director in the first place . Not to be too cruel though and that is the director tries to disguise his small budget by shooting action scenes in the dark or holding on an extreme close up of a viking as he fights off an unseen pack of werewolves . Good try Mr Director but it's painfully obvious there's only enough money for two werewolf costumes
The other major irritant is that the cast are to be blunt extremely amateurish . All of them seem to come from another country with differing accents . We even have a multi-ethnic company of vikings with a contrived and needless explanation for it . Looking on the bright side Paterson Joseph doesn't appear and the actor in question Daz Crawford looks like he's playing an anorexic Mike Tyson with a Lancashire accent
I will be charitable and say the cast are not helped one bit by the dialogue . It really is heavy handed , stilted and bombastic . There's no camp value involved and you get the feeling it was written for the Royal Shakespeare Company . Unfortunately Will Shakespeare hadn't thought of adding monsters to any of his more turgid dramas and watching this film you may understand why
- Theo Robertson
- Jan 4, 2010
- Permalink
Use the hammer to smash the DVD
They paid someone to make this movie? That is outrageous. There is nothing worth watching in this movie. The acting is horrible, the script is juvenile, the direction is spotty and the werewolves look like extras wearing big plastic masks. This is advertised as a Thor movie, but nothing in it even refers to the Thor of mythology or the Thor of comic book fame. It has all the elements of a POOR TV movie: a female lead who is not needed and just yells out the heroes name over and over, a fellow warrior who gets irate at the hero and turns to the bad side, dialog that is delivered like it was written for a daytime soap opera, costumes that look like they were stolen from an ancient opera and special effects that are gaudy. This movie is awful.
- galahad58-1
- Jun 27, 2009
- Permalink
Another piece of putrid filth from SciFi
For whatever reason, I have not given up on the SciFi channel yet but this film comes close to doing it for me. I advise people NOT to waste their time on this. Not only was Zach from Home Improvement hopelessly miscast as a Viking hero but his acting is no better than when he was on the series. There were some moments--unfortunately the moments were badly acted, ripped off from other shows and not very interesting. This was almost an embarrassment to watch. I felt bad for the actors because they didn't have a chance with that badly written script. Fans of SciFi/action will be angered by some of the blatant lines stolen from other shows like Highlander. I thought about skipping this because it looked like it would be bad. I should have trusted my judgement.
- unicornpeg2003
- Apr 11, 2009
- Permalink
What a Turkey
This movie is simply awful. Wooden "acting?" lame action scenes, cheap plastic Armor and weapons. What makes it even worse by comparison is "The 13th Warrior" is running at the same time on another channel. The Vampire angle just does not work, at least, in this Viking movie. Indeed the characters themselves as acted do not come across as credible Norsemen. The sword fights look like they where choreographed by a person who learned sword fighting by watching He-Man Master of the Universe cartoons. Zachery Ty Bryan who was to be Thor always looked like a deer staring into a set of headlights at night. Zac' I would suggest better acting classes. Indeed it would be a total waste of hard drive space if you illegally down loaded it off the internet for free. It is not as bad as "Plan 9 From Outer Space", or "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians" but not by much. This would be a good movie to show in order to get rid of unwanted company.
A Waste of Time
I was misled by a couple of reviews... There are good movies that come out on small budget.. But this one is a real pain.. I am halfway and have stopped viewing.. Nothing's good.. Acting: 0/10. Direction: 0/10. Special Effects: 0/10.. The storyline in this movie is OK.. it could have been a mix of horror-fantasy.. but its all spoiled by the bunch of amateurs (I could not find any definition for 'less than' amateur) . The end result is a movie that does not convey any feeling other than frustration of how you ended up watching it. If you have nothing else to bite.. then go have a walk, don't waste your time on this movie.. I am sure u will be better off..
Copping the blunt end of the hammer.
Oh
don't you just hate it when the concept reads refreshingly fun (Vikings battling werewolves) but the final product leaves a lot to be desired. Sadly this straight to TV sci-fi original production doesn't complements its idea, instead we get a very low-rent, quite bland and terribly daft (but not in cheesy way) production that simply feels like its going through the motions with little in the way of excitement and conviction. To cement it just listen to the vapidly clunky script and stilted performances (with Zachery Ty Bryan best known for the TV series "Home Improvement" heading the cast)
although the acting to a certain degree can only be as good as the material allows them to be. Instead I rather just watch 1999 Viking actioner "The 13th Warrior" again
at least that entry wasn't gutless.
It does take a while to get going with squabbling dramas and well-worn clichés hitting the fold, as they do go on and on talking / arguing in many meandering passages, before finally breaking out an injection of blood splattering, if clumsily forced combat. Quite little and without the bite though. The CGI is poorly conceived in that unconvincing video game imagery and the make-up effects (or better put masks) fair no better, but definitely more preferable. The way the camera shoots the werewolves is that there are never any clear shots, especially during the choppy action and the one and only transformation scene is lazily done. The hazy locations are well pitched, however they're clearly set-designs during the night sequences and the atmosphere is virtually non-existent.
I found "Hammer of the Gods" to be a drearily forgettable action fare.
It does take a while to get going with squabbling dramas and well-worn clichés hitting the fold, as they do go on and on talking / arguing in many meandering passages, before finally breaking out an injection of blood splattering, if clumsily forced combat. Quite little and without the bite though. The CGI is poorly conceived in that unconvincing video game imagery and the make-up effects (or better put masks) fair no better, but definitely more preferable. The way the camera shoots the werewolves is that there are never any clear shots, especially during the choppy action and the one and only transformation scene is lazily done. The hazy locations are well pitched, however they're clearly set-designs during the night sequences and the atmosphere is virtually non-existent.
I found "Hammer of the Gods" to be a drearily forgettable action fare.
- lost-in-limbo
- Feb 12, 2010
- Permalink
Someone pass the sledgehammer...
I admit I wasn't expecting much considering SyFy's usual standard, but not in a couple of months have I seen a movie of theirs this bad. For instance it looks cheap, with costumes more reminiscent of fancy dress and settings that suffer from a lack of authenticity. The camera work and editing all feels very slipshod, the lack of quality in the effects suggest that those involved were more concerned about quantity instead of the other way around and the swordplay is clumsy and almost cartoon-ish. The script is cheesy with none of the lines of dialogue ringing true, the direction is sluggish and never feels sure about what it wants and the story is unexciting and predictable. The acting is terrible with the lead especially uncharismatic, but they are not helped by the underdeveloped walking clichés that are the characters. All in all, I have seen a lot of bad SyFy movies, but Hammer of the Gods is down there as one of the worst. 0/10 Bethany Cox
- TheLittleSongbird
- Apr 2, 2012
- Permalink
Valhalla I Am Coming
- jefreenothing
- Aug 1, 2009
- Permalink
Not worthy of using the name of such a mighty Norse God
A fun film to watch
Not sure where all the hate for this film comes from, yes the script wasn't the best, the acting although okay wasn't great, the idea of Thor the God of Thunder having a hard time against werewolves was a little silly, but that is the exact reason I absolutely loved this film, it was a silly film, I'm sure the makers thought they were making a great Thor masterpiece, but what they actually did without even realising, was make a Monty Python (without the funny jokes) esque movie about two of my favourite subjects, Thor and werewolves, and the end result is absolutely brilliant, I laughed and fun watching this film and would highly recommend it to anyone, just don't take it seriously and you will enjoy it.
- sparkyandbear
- Dec 1, 2023
- Permalink
Realistic Elements that gave it Character
- stevesky-2
- Jun 5, 2009
- Permalink
It's Not THAT Bad
Why This Movie Blows, and Why That Sucks
A disgrace for us scandinavians
if our Scandinavian ancestor's religion didn't get raped enough by the Christianity 1000 years ago, this f*****g piece of s**t absolutely completed this task! i just wanna puke! i feel like a Muslim that's been watching the painting of Mohamed in 1,5 hours. really guys! if you cant make a movie about our ancestors believes better than this (something that a 2 year old child could do better than this) you should seriously find something else to do! but for God's sake stay away from the CAMERA!!!!!!!!! Try to beat David Blane in something instead. Like get buried for 1 month or something. Sad, Sad, Sad that someone this untalented gets the possibility to make a movie about a topic this cool!
- nocturnalexperiment
- Oct 18, 2010
- Permalink
Not Thor
Frankly, I don't know where to start with this one. This is not the beloved Thor of Marvel Comics but a Viking type who lands on an uncharted island with his crew. There, they encounter weird forest creatures while seeking a mythical hammer of power. Maybe Thor becomes the Thor I know by the end, but I couldn't get that far. Shot in Bulgaria or some similar dreary place, this TV movie is absolutely pathetic. The acting is as wooden as the boat Thor and his buddies sail on and one of the kids from Home Improvement plays Thor. He ain't Thor, however. Believe me. There's even a female warrior in the crew, which of course would have been impossible. She's there for the same reason a female warrior shows up in the abominable KING ARTHUR, both of which were pathetic attempts to play to female viewers. Skip this one if you value your sanity.
Dude! You saved me from a Thor head!
Sorry.
But it's Saturday night, and wondering what possible could be on Space... Oh no... Better check IMDb! And didn't unicornpeg2003 save me 2 hours of my life! Thanks Dude! Makes we wonder why I'm not writing movies and scripts, if crap like this can get made?! Seriously, the crap that gets turned out by SciFi, is just bloody awful. They could feed the starving children with the money spent on this and just put up a banner telling us this for 2 hours and I'd be happier.
And I need another few lines to complete this.
Herkimer Jerkimer
But it's Saturday night, and wondering what possible could be on Space... Oh no... Better check IMDb! And didn't unicornpeg2003 save me 2 hours of my life! Thanks Dude! Makes we wonder why I'm not writing movies and scripts, if crap like this can get made?! Seriously, the crap that gets turned out by SciFi, is just bloody awful. They could feed the starving children with the money spent on this and just put up a banner telling us this for 2 hours and I'd be happier.
And I need another few lines to complete this.
Herkimer Jerkimer
- ithinkmyemailaddressis
- Sep 24, 2010
- Permalink
Parody and Tragedy
Wow, Bulgarians making movie about Vikings.Maybe next year Palestinians will make movie about discovery of America.Question is, why the hell is somebody doing this?For money?Well i cannot imagine anyone who is ready to buy that nonsense.Sci-fi channel is going to lost his viewers.This guy,who directed movie should going back to Sofia or so, and taking his chance to care of goats in the Bulgarian mountain.He experience lack of talent, absence of fantasy.Not the mention about actors.Dialoges are like "Oh Thor, did you dream?And what about, tell me buddy?i try to understand that in the time of crisis even movie producers are forced to save money but, please, pretty please, forget about Bulgaria and Romania.
- niebelungs
- Jan 15, 2010
- Permalink
Bad, bad, bad
That's really all there is to know about this movie (only thing that's sad is that it deserves a negative rating but unfortunately isn't available).
Unfortunately even IMDb makes reviewers write 10 lines. What can I say?
Awful acting
Awful script
Awful special effects
Was there a director present?
Any amount of money spent beyond 1$ to make this movie was an absolute waste of money. At least I did laugh a lot...
Unfortunately even IMDb makes reviewers write 10 lines. What can I say?
Awful acting
Awful script
Awful special effects
Was there a director present?
Any amount of money spent beyond 1$ to make this movie was an absolute waste of money. At least I did laugh a lot...
- movienutsy
- Mar 18, 2013
- Permalink
I confess-i watched it
I have been bedridden for a week with flu and pneumonia and was willing to watch anything except Oprah or The View.
The other reviewers have commented eloquently about the idiocy of this film. All I want to add is that I thought the blond bad girl had the sexiest accent, which gave me hope for something to salvage this junior high theater production. The acting and (non)plot was actually comical which made me laugh, which only made me cough and writhe in pain. But I stuck it out waiting for some big sex scene which never came. Just as well, It would have likely made me laugh even more.
When the troupe went out and returned to the one-house village again and again after acomplishing nothing, one says "After all this, here we are -AGAIN". I am positive that this was not in the script but just came out and got left in. Perfect.
I can only hope that these starving actors at least got lunch for the one day it took to write and film this tome.
The other reviewers have commented eloquently about the idiocy of this film. All I want to add is that I thought the blond bad girl had the sexiest accent, which gave me hope for something to salvage this junior high theater production. The acting and (non)plot was actually comical which made me laugh, which only made me cough and writhe in pain. But I stuck it out waiting for some big sex scene which never came. Just as well, It would have likely made me laugh even more.
When the troupe went out and returned to the one-house village again and again after acomplishing nothing, one says "After all this, here we are -AGAIN". I am positive that this was not in the script but just came out and got left in. Perfect.
I can only hope that these starving actors at least got lunch for the one day it took to write and film this tome.
- carinofranko
- Mar 6, 2011
- Permalink
BORE: The DUMmer of the DOGS
Now and again, a movie comes along that lowers the standard of all that has been before it, and challenges your reality of what sucks, and forever changes you for the worst. This is one of those movies.
What else can I take from this movie that hasn't already been said?
BORE: The Bummer of the Gods. He wasn't a god, he was a bore.
BORE: The Dummer of the Gods. Who, like the rest of the cast, stand around talking.
THIS YEAR
BORE: The Dummer of the Dogs. Whose enemies wear dog masks as unmoving as this movie.
SEE! The the plastic werewolf masks they refrain from showing. Until you know it's too late.
HEAR! Our heroes talking every minute.
SMELL! This stinking dog.
TASTEless!
FEEL! Nothing.
SENSEless!
Watch! Your expectations lower beneath the underworld as all your sense is lost.
What else can I take from this movie that hasn't already been said?
BORE: The Bummer of the Gods. He wasn't a god, he was a bore.
BORE: The Dummer of the Gods. Who, like the rest of the cast, stand around talking.
THIS YEAR
BORE: The Dummer of the Dogs. Whose enemies wear dog masks as unmoving as this movie.
SEE! The the plastic werewolf masks they refrain from showing. Until you know it's too late.
HEAR! Our heroes talking every minute.
SMELL! This stinking dog.
TASTEless!
FEEL! Nothing.
SENSEless!
Watch! Your expectations lower beneath the underworld as all your sense is lost.
Some weak acting but a lot of sword and sorcery fun
Heck, I enjoyed this. I thought it was very well written. I appreciated the fact that there wasn't a lot of that terrible video game style graphic effects which are nothing but eye candy and waste screen time. My only real complaints were the two leads, the guys playing Baldur and Thor. Neither could act a lick and Thor had a horrible haircut to boot. Surely they could have found somebody slightly heroic looking for the lead for crying out loud.
I loved the misty, wintery setting. That really worked great for me, very atmospheric. There is something about mucking about in the cold and snow that is very appealing and visually striking. All three of the female leads were very sexy ladies. The bad girl had the greatest accent and man was she smoking hot! Having a black viking was a bit of a stretch but he was the best actor there by and large so it worked out OK. Shaving his head was smart too.
This was old fashioned sword and sorcery and I enjoyed it. If the two leads had had a little on screen charisma and acting talent this would have really been something in my opinion. It held my interest all the way, for low budget...I felt very entertained. Go in with an open mind and you might also enjoy yourself!
I loved the misty, wintery setting. That really worked great for me, very atmospheric. There is something about mucking about in the cold and snow that is very appealing and visually striking. All three of the female leads were very sexy ladies. The bad girl had the greatest accent and man was she smoking hot! Having a black viking was a bit of a stretch but he was the best actor there by and large so it worked out OK. Shaving his head was smart too.
This was old fashioned sword and sorcery and I enjoyed it. If the two leads had had a little on screen charisma and acting talent this would have really been something in my opinion. It held my interest all the way, for low budget...I felt very entertained. Go in with an open mind and you might also enjoy yourself!
Score for Thor
- abominablebro
- Jun 6, 2010
- Permalink
This Movie is not true to its History
- unholyexecutionerduktak
- Sep 13, 2009
- Permalink