- McCarty: Sometimes things end up much better than you'd expect. Alright? Think of it this way, when Black Sabbath fired Ozzy in '79, you would've figured it was all fucking over. The end of an era. But then comes Ronnie James Dio, all five foot nothing of him, the evil little elf, and he brought a magic to the band they hadn't seen in years.
- Kid at Party: Who's Black Sabbath?
- McCarty: Get the fuck off my property.
- Thomas Wright: Thanksgiving is a time for appreciation. To celebrate with the ones that we love the most. And a time for all families to be together. Let's eat.
- McCarty's Dad: Sorry, Sheriff. My son's a fucking idiot.
- Sheriff Newlon: He's a fucking goober chucker!
- McCarty's Dad: [to McCarty, offscreen] Get in the car, you fucking idiot!
- Gabby: Okay, let's not be naive here. I mean, the nicest guys are the most psycho, they're just better at hiding it.
- Jessica: We have to stop him. This parade is our chance to catch him. If we hide, then what? I don't want to spend the rest of my life looking over my shoulder. Do you?
- [last lines]
- Sheriff Eric Newlon/John Carver: When I told your stepmother that she would make an excellent dinner... that was not a lie!
- John Carver: No one appreciates subtlety anymore. To go viral, you really need to hit people over the head.
- [first lines]
- Sheriff Newlon: [Newlon comes to the Collins residence and pushes the doorbell, then Mitch opens the door to answer] Hey there. Sorry to bother you folks but, uh, we're looking for an individual: golden-brown complexion, 15 pounds, no head.
- Mitch Collins: I know where he is. I'll even serve him up on a silver platter for you. Now get in here.
- Mitch Collins: Thomas Wright, you and your entire family have blood on your hands. My wife's blood! We open for Thanksgiving and you only hired two security guards? One of whom runs away and the other is trampled to death in the same stampede that killed my wife. You and your entire family need to go to prison! Not have another sale!
- Sheriff Newlon: [hands her a homemade pumpkin pie] I baked this for you. I couldn't eat it by myself, it would just be to depressing.
- Amanda Collins: [inspects the pie] Wow. You baked this?
- Sheriff Newlon: Yeah. You know, for a single guy, I know my way around the oven.
- Amanda Collins: Ah... a guy in uniform who knows how to bake, I have a feeling you're not going to be single for long.
- [Labelle drives into the diner and almost ram into the other driver who honks his horns, both men then stick their heads out of the window]
- Detective Peter Chu: What the fuck?
- Labelle: [then drives off to the parking lot] Fuck you!
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