Finally, Bilbo Baggins returns to the Shire. After three bloated movies originating from around 300 pages of content, we've reached the end and I'm so glad to be done with it all. After a total of six movies set in Peter Jackson's Middle Earth, I'm totally fine with never hearing the word Hobbit again. His HOBBIT series concludes with the grand finale, THE BATTLE OF THE FIVE ARMIES. When we last saw Bilbo (Martin Freeman), Thorin Oakenshield (Richard Armitage), and their company of dwarven companions, they had been left to gape helplessly as the dragon Smaug (voiced by Benedict Cumberbatch) got tired of chasing them through the mountain kingdom of Erebor and took to the skies to burn neighboring Laketown to cinders. This movie rejoins the action at that very moment, abandoning the dwarfs to focus on Smaug and local hero Bard (Luke Evans), who chooses to engage the dragon. Ten or so minutes later, the whole dragon plot that kept us trudging to the theater for these movies is resolved and we spend the next three hours on the titular battle. You see, Thorin immediately begins to succumb to what the dwarfs call "dragon-sickness" and what us normal folk would call "greed". He's got his rightful kingdom back with more gold than he could ever need, and now he refuses to share it with anyone. The men of Laketown, led by Bard, come knocking in hopes of at least getting some gold for their dwarven-caused dragon troubles (i.e. the incineration of their entire town) and Thorin refuses. Even the woodland elves of Mirkwood Forest come stomping in with an army to demand a share. And, of course, the orc commander Azog has unfinished business with Thorin, having devoted two full previous movies to hunting the would-be dwarven king in hope of ending his bloodline. So all of these armies converge on the front lawn of Erebor for
wait for it
the battle of the five armies.
Six movies deep into this franchise and I can safely say THE BATTLE OF THE FIVE ARMIES is my least favorite of the bunch. I was so burned out on Middle Earth by the time this movie came around that I refused to see it in the theater. It's the only Peter Jackson/Tolkien movie that I never saw in the theater. I didn't bother watching it until the extended editions were released. In a movie that already feels like 90% filler, I can only imagine what had been added after the theatrical release. Sadly, most of this movie is utterly forgettable. The visual effects are impressive and the 45 minute final battle sequence certainly looks good, but did we need any of this? I don't think so. And, come on, 45 minutes is just too much. That's 45 minutes of CGI swarms of dwarfs, elves, orcs, and men hacking and slashing at each other and the occasional diversion to see what our heroes are doing so the story can keep pushing on. This means that every so often we'll break way so we can see
I don't know
Legolas (Orlando Bloom) hanging upside down from a giant bat monster while swinging his arms wildly to slice and dice a bunch of cartoon monsters that aren't really there. If I sound biased against this movie, it's because I believe its existence to be completely unnecessary and the whole exercise of creating it a gratuitous waste of time for Jackson and his crew. Tolkien's tale could've been handled in two better-paced films. I've been against the heavy use of CGI in these movies since AN UNEXPECTED JOURNEY was released and this film just shoves it in my face with unmercifully long sequences of those same hated CG effects bouncing off each other. Would it have killed them to use some of those amazing practical costume/makeup effects for orcs in the foreground to give it an added sense of realism?
THE BATTLE OF THE FIVE ARMIES is only really interesting for the first act and the final act. Everything in the middle could've been trimmed generously. Unfortunately, when the big tragic moments begin to happen in the final act of the battle, I'm so worn out from the battle itself that they hold no weight. By that point, I'm just wishing we could skip to the end. THE BATTLE OF THE FIVE ARMIES isn't a horrible film but I can't imagine it rising to the top and becoming anyone's favorite Jackson/Tolkien movie. It's got some nice stuff in there. Martin Freeman is still perfect for the role of Bilbo, even if he has nothing to do here. I loved the addition of Billy Connolly to the cast as Thorin's cousin Dain and I loved his behind-the-scenes interviews even more, where he admits that he never cared for Tolkien's work and freely mocked anyone who did. Smaug is still awesome for what little time we're given with him, and Jackson even found a way to shoehorn Cate Blanchett, Hugo Weaving, and Christopher Lee into the series one last time. If I remember the novel correctly, Tolkien spares us the full details of the battle, choosing to knock Bilbo out when the action starts and filling him in later. In my ideal cut of Jackson's HOBBIT series, we'd get the same treatment. Bilbo is knocked unconscious and the movie would fade out; we fade in, the battle is over, the surviving characters fill us in on what happened in the form of a flashback montage. Keeps the movie a pleasant length and spares us from battle fatigue. In retrospect, I still enjoy Jackson's HOBBIT movies. The first one is enjoyable enough and was actually pretty solid. This third one though
ouch. An epic six movie series and it ends with a shrug. That's the real disappointment.
