Easter Bloody Easter (2024)
Kelly Grant: Carol
Quotes
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Jeanie Cooper : Now, you're either with me, or you ain't!
Carol : Shit, Jeanie! You know, fuck it! We've already shared everything else in life. We might as well share a prison cell too.
Jeanie Cooper : That's my girl. Now take me to church.
Carol : Seriously?
Jeanie Cooper : Shut up.
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Carol : We gotta go to the sheriff. We gotta tell him.
Jeanie Cooper : Tell him what, Carol? That my husband's been abducted by a giant furry rabbit? And I just... just shiskebabed one of its demon minions?
Carol : Fair point!
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Jeanie Cooper : Agnes Turner. Listen to this: "Dearest Lord, my poor sweet children are riddled with the pox. Each day short and precious. Easter is but a week away and I'd do anything to make it special for them. I confess... I've bartered my soul to Satan."
Carol : Shit, that's a good mom right there.
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Carol : Uh, musty and crusty.
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Carol : Well, thank you, Mr. Mayor, for solidifying my repulsion for local government.
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Carol : Speak of the devil-lope.
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Jeanie Cooper : Where's my husband, rabbit?
Megan : I ain't no rabbit!
Carol : Prove it, bunny bitch!
Megan : We hunt the same game. Now put those scissors down, Jeanie, before I alter your ass like a loose patching gown.
Jeanie Cooper : Megan Jennings?
Megan : In the flesh.
Jeanie Cooper : I thought you moved to Wyoming.
Carol : I also heard you're vegan now. And you know what else is vegan? Rabbits!
Megan : I came back to kill that motherfucker. But if y'all wanna stand in my way, go right ahead. I ain't got no problem starting with the both of you.
Carol : Oh, Miss Teen Walburg over here talking shit.
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Megan : Come with me if you cottontails wanna live.
Carol : Uh-huh. Whatever you say.
Jeanie Cooper : Yeah, okay.
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Carol : Hey! Stop it! Or I'm gonna shove these baskets so far up your rectums you would shit liquid for a month.
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Carol : Where are the kids?
Jim : They're in the car. Don't worry. They have their iPads.
Carol : Okay. Are you okay?
Jim : Yeah, I'm kind of sweating.
Carol : Okay.
Jim : Okay. I killed that fucking bunny. Yeah, you could see me. I... I was looking real manly.
Carol : Oh, later. Jim, later.
Jim : Okay.
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Carol : Poor horny, dead kids. Oooh, cotton candy!
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Carol : Oh, Mr. Mayor. Just the scumbag we were hoping to see.
Mayor Lou : Ladies, to what do I owe this pleasure?
Jeanie Cooper : Hi, Lou.
Carol : Oh, Lou, is it?
Jeanie Cooper : We're here as concerned citizens.
Mayor Lou : Oh, I see.
Jeanie Cooper : I... We think you should seriously consider postponing the Easterpalooza this year.
Mayor Lou : That's a good one. Thank you for that. I needed it. Now come on. Join me for a drink. Hmmm?
Jeanie Cooper : I'm serious, Lou. People are dying, there's no time for a party.
Mayor Lou : Ladies, ladies, I hear what you are saying, but people die every day. I mean, Walburg Easter only happens once a year.