- Christopher Marlowe: Saying things in a short snappy way instead of a long drawn-out way is the soul of wit
- Bill Shakespeare: You mean brevity?
- Christopher Marlowe: Yeah
- Molly: I hear the Spanish are hunky.
- Sir Francis Walsingham: You hear wrong! Catholics can't put on muscle mass because God hates them! They've no muscle and no backbone, like snakes!
- Molly: Surely snakes are all backbone.
- Sir Francis Walsingham: Well, like worms then.
- Molly: Oh, no, worms are all muscle.
- Sir Francis Walsingham: Someone knows a lot about Catholics!
- Molly: No, no, just garden creatures.
- Sir Francis Walsingham: One can't be too careful, Molly. They're everywhere, you know. The Catholic threat may be sleeping now but it will soon awaken like a...
- Molly: Bear?
- Sir Francis Walsingham: Yes! Good! Like a non-muscular spineless bear!
- Christopher Marlowe: What are you doing in a pie?
- Sir Francis Walsingham: It's a disguise. Or one might say a 'despise'. Now that works in three ways; One, it's a disguise. Two, the disguise is pie and, three, it's got the word 'spies' in it. So...
- Christopher Marlowe: It's very clever
- Earl of Croydon: Now I have to write a fantastic play, or some homicidal maniac will cut my head off!
- Ian: Well, report him to the Queen!
- Earl of Croydon: I'm talking about the Queen!
- Juan Domingo: [Responding to the on stage arrival of Bill] What the Hell?
- Earl of Croydon: What the Hell?
- King Phillip II of Spain: What the Hell?
- Christopher Marlowe: The theatres are closed, my friend. Plague. It's killing the arts.
- Bill Shakespeare: And people, I heard.
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