- Ms. Bennett: Do you recall a document shared on the J-drive titled the Jonad Files?
- Dan Egan: Uh, no. No, ma'am.
- Amy Brookheimer: No. That doesn't ring a bell.
- Ms. Bennett: So it's not a word combining Jonah and gonad?
- Dan Egan: Not to my knowledge.
- Jonah Ryan: I can confirm that that is exactly what it is and Mr. Egan knows that.
- Mr. Rakes: In fact, Mr. Egan, I was told that you encouraged staffers to add to this glossary of abuse.
- Dan Egan: I do not at this moment in time recall the action nor the document in question.
- Mr. Rakes: Okay, maybe this will jog your memory. We have some extracts. J-Rock, Jizzy Gillespie, Jack and the Giant Jackoff, Gaylien, Tinkerballs, Wadzilla, One Erection...
- Jonah Ryan: Do we have to go through all of these?
- Mr. Wallace: I'm not sure that I see the relevance.
- Mr. Rakes: The witnesses claim they held their former colleague in high regard and I am attempting to prove otherwise.
- Mr. Wallace: Okay, yeah, sure. No, you can proceed.
- Mr. Rakes: The Pointless Giant, The 60-Foot Virgin, Gimpanzee, Jonah Ono, Hagrid's Nutsack, Scrotum Pole, Transgenderformers, 12 Years a Slave to Jerking Off, Benedict Come In His Own Hand, Guyscraper, The Cloud Botherer, SupercalifragilisticexpialiDickCheese, Teenage Mutant Ninja Asshole, Spewbacca.
- Jonah Ryan: My college friends called me Tall McCartney. I preferred that, that's a good nickname.
- Tom James: Gary Walsh, you need to understand, is a 12-year-old boy trapped in the body of a 12-year-old girl.
- Mr. Rakes: Can you tell us who was responsible for the data breach, Mr. Cafferty?
- Ben Cafferty: No.
- Mr. Rakes: But you do know who was responsible?
- Ben Cafferty: No.
- Mrs. Brewer: Can you tell us anything at all about said data breach?
- Ben Cafferty: No.
- Mr. Rakes: Are you gonna continue to answer every question with a one-word answer, Mr. Cafferty?
- Ben Cafferty: No...
- [beat]
- Ben Cafferty: I am not.
- Bill Ericsson: Where is Congresswoman Bennett?
- Mrs. Brewer: She is absent.
- Bill Ericsson: Yes, I got that! I took noticing at high school!
- Mr. Wallace: Was he responsible?
- Ben Cafferty: Washington needed a sacrifice. So, we all ran and took out our pitchforks, and we set fire to the Wicker Dan.
- Mike McLintock: Hey Mike, it's Mike. You're probably not gonna get this because you're in the hearings, but I wanted to tell you that... I gotta go, Mike.