- Slide Olsen: Only three kinds of people wear sunglasses inside: Blind people, assholes, and blind assholes.
- [first lines]
- Carson Philips: My name is Carson Philips. I'm a PI. I like to drink, I like to smoke, I like to gamble. Sometimes a little too much. But you know what they say, everything in moderation, including moderation.
- Carson Philips: [wondering] Don't You Ever Sleep?
- Doc: [non-chantly] I Try Not To... I Hate Those Little Snippets Of Death
- [last lines]
- Miles Mitchell: I'm So Sorry
- [struggling to compose himself]
- Miles Mitchell: You Truly Are One Of The Greats
- Miles Mitchell: I Try Not To Get My Hands Anymore Dirty Than I've Had Too
- Carson Philips: [voice over] Every time You Say Goodbye You Die A Little Inside Each Time
- Carson Philips: [to the final hit-man aiming at his crotch] Make A Choice
- [Hit-man throws down his gun and bolts stating he doesn't even like the guy]
- Carson Philips: So You'll Now Leave Becky Alone
- [last lines]
- Sheriff Bing Walsh: [shrugs] Everyone Is Dead
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