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The Accountant (2016)
Brilliant story failed by jumbled direction and an ordinary lead
While watching this movie, I caught myself wishing I was reading the book instead. Surely this was an adaptation from a well-constructed thriller, with interesting characters, neat plot twists and insight into workplaces that indicates deep research.
There was no book. There are at least three ridiculous leaps to move the story arc along, where a less confusing connection would have sufficed. Those gaping plot holes unfortunately ruined something that could have been a gem.
Lastly, Ben Affleck is inconsistent in the lead role. He is not the reason the movie fails, but is certainly miscast. While in a few scenes he seems to have the tics and dispassion his character requires, in others he makes too much eye contact or speech modulation. Imagine someone like Edward Norton nailing this role.
Independent Lens: Enron: The Smartest Guys in the Room (2005)
Facile documentary with no new insights
Easily the worst of the recent crop of documentaries examining the American corporate ethos and its inevitable corruption. The makers follow a blinkered, linear path through the story of Enron's rise and fall, and spend far too much time in the details of meaninglessly huge amounts of money. It would have been more effective to examine the wider repercussions of how a company can behave like this, rather than treat Enron as a unique case with especially interesting characters - they're not "the smartest guys in the room".
The use of music and metaphor is woefully heavy-handed (literally pulling rabbits out of hats; "Son of a Preacher Man" and "That Old Black Magic" are merely facile). If it were to win an award, perhaps it could be for most gratuitous use of strippers, amongst a completely gratuitous (and probably racist) character assassination of the secretive $250 million man Lou Pi.
There is very little anger in the film - an emotion which would have been more appropriate than the maudlin treatment of ex-employees from various strata of the company.
Anacondas: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid (2004)
Truly, truly awful
This film must get nominations for Worst Editing and Worst Screenplay at the Razzies. Atrocious dialogue, segments of the movie that have obviously been moved around (e.g., "We have to get back to the boat!" after the boat has been destroyed), and laughably ridiculous errors of geography (rivers which manage to run in loops?! Escher would be proud)
I've heard that the budget was $25m+, but they obviously couldn't afford enough rain for a proper rainy season - there are even hacked-in scenes where daylight can be seen although the action should be happening in darkness.
Not to mention CGI snakes less convincing than the one which took out Sunnydale High in Buffy Season Four.
There is nothing redeeming about this film whatsoever. Not even the monkey, who does not interact with the human characters for the entire second half of the film yet is still shown screaming whenever anything scary happens.
Oh, and anacondas are native to SOUTH America. So are the natives who appear in the completely irrelevant sequence to start the movie. Take a look at your globe to see just how far that is from Borneo, Indonesia.
Loser (2000)
Amusing and honest college movie
Unfairly condemned by the critics, this movie worked for me as a comedy and as a somewhat dark look at the mores of college life. Our hero may be branded a loser, but he's definitely a believable three-dimensional character (with a heart of gold, naturally). The story takes for granted some unethical and potentially unsettling behaviour, and allows the characters to rise above it.
Lets you smile throughout, and gives you some insights into contemporary life on campus without resorting to cliches.
Bless the Child (2000)
Dress the Turkey
This movie really affected me. It keeps haunting me two days after seeing it ...
- How did that script get to production? - How did the movie get to general release? - And they spent money marketing it?!
There are a few inconsequential spoilers here. Read them anyway; just don't see the film.
Bless The Child broke the cardinal rule of film-making: "Create Tension". It was never in doubt that the good guys were going to win the war. Of course. But in this film, they weren't even allowed to lose a battle. The good guys could cheat by having God step in and get them out of anything.
"Your car's hanging off a bridge and about to fall? Here, take this angel's hand." I'm not kidding. Real angels. Sent just because the good guys had to win. *puke*
The six-year-old girl gave not the slightest indication that she was going over to the dark side. Rufus Sewell did his best Darth Vader ("Feel the anger! Use the hate!"). Apparently his plan to take over the world depended on completely converting a little girl who was possessed by God. In attempting to do this, he immolated a homeless man. Yeah, that'll work. There wasn't a trace of a dilemma on the girl's face. What is your plan, Rufus?! Offer the girl the world? What's she going to do with it? And is the audience supposed to feel any of the temptation? We're never shown any upsides of this supposedly powerful evil. Not even a nice house.
That climax. I guess I could write it. Let's see, Rufus will wear a robe and speak some dangerous-sounding Latin. The little girl will sit there and do nothing. Some evil special-effects, build the tension ...
Oops. No tension, very brief effects, and then it's all over. Angels storm the place, and Rufus copped a God-guided bullet. Oh yeah, his second-in-command bizarrely rushed out of nowhere and was despatched in four seconds.
The final scene. A Rufus follower, in slow motion, in broad daylight, is racing to stab the little girl. She looks at him. He backs away. YOU CALL THAT A TWIST?!
Bomb bomb bomb bomb bomb (five bombs). And Kim Basinger taught Hugh Grant to run. At least that gave me a laugh.
If You Only Knew (1999)
You'll feel like you've seen it before
There's nothing new here. All the standard romantic-comedy scenes, even down to the taxi sprinting to the airport to stop the woman flying away. The only thing that saves this is the acting of Alison Eastwood & some of the minor characters (blink and you'll miss Gabrielle Anwar), who obviously had some fun.
Turn it off when the pair are in bliss, and you won't have to go through the inevitable plot pain.