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Clash of the Titans (2010)
Lame, uneventful and uninspired
I was a huge fan of the old CLASH OF THE TITANS. I used to love that flick so much as a teenager that I watched it at least ten times. This one? Not so much! There's not a single ounce of originality in this movie. Right down to the less-than-exciting casting (oh, another movie starring Liam Neeson as a god, and, oh, another flick starring Ralph Fiennes as the ultimate evil...OMG, literally). Sam Worthington is a complete zero face, there's just nothing interesting to be detected in his facial features... And then: What's with the Kraken? It's not supposed to look like the alien beast from "Cloverfield"... But to top it all off, this movie really boasted the dullest writing in 2010. Every single move of the protagonists can be anticipated - and it'll happen just the way you expect it to... Lame, boring, uneventful and dull film-making. Not worth your hard-earned money.
Adventureland (2009)
Pointless and NOT funny!
This movie is not what you signed up for when you entered the theater. Over the entire length of its duration, there are literally two jokes worth laughing about. The rest is sheer teenage boredom, spiced up - I have to admit - with the pretty solid performances of Eisenberg and Stewart. Other than that, there's nothing new to this picture, it's just pointless in its shallow depiction of the gloom and frustration of young age. If the film had been advertised in a different manner - according to its real theme - I wouldn't have gone to watch it. It's a drama disguised as a hilarious fun fest. Not amusing, to say the least. And pretty boring on top of that. If you want a good time at the movies, stay away from this downer!
Wenn der Richtige kommt (2003)
Highly original semi-documentary with fresh talent
This film was simply wonderful in its calm depiction of a cleaning woman's journey to Turkey where she ventures when she learns that a security guard she's been seeing during lunch break in her hometown Mannheim in Germany has taken off to Adana, a big city in Turkey, to live there. The reason why she left for Turkey is because she thought a relationship was beginning to develop between her and the Turkish security guard who goes by the name Mustafa. Her search for him in Adana turns out to be much more stressful and difficult than she had thought, especially since her would-be friend, a broke older woman, refuses to go with her after promising to do just that. It's obvious that the film strives for close-to-life depiction. The camera is very shaky at times and doesn't seem to have a clue where the action is leading. The film is absolutely adorable in its honest, down-to-earth way of relating a story that takes place in the realm of "normal" people while at the same time achieving a concept of humanity and love that is way beyond your everyday normal. Outstanding storytelling - without a real script, or so the filmmaker claims. If you get a chance to see it (it's currently up on the festival circuit), absolutely go for it!
Ying xiong (2002)
Boring as hell!
Geez! What a waste of time! Not only is this movie waaaaay too long (even though it runs for only a little more than one and a half hours), but it´s also exceedingly boring.
For those who enjoyed TIGER AND DRAGON it might be worth their whiles. But people who found the MATRIX boring will be majorly disappointed by this piece of pure visual excitement. It has not nothing more to offer than a feast for the eyes. While this might be pleasing to a lot of folks, it certainly doesn´t meet my expectations regarding movies. Films should have a well thought-out structure and a clear message as to what they want to express. This movie is BIG on visuals, but INFERIOR in regard to story!
The same thing can be said of THE MATRIX, too, though!
Stay away from this!
The Wild Bunch (1969)
Way too long!
This movie may have fit the needs of an audience grown tired of traditional westerns like John Ford´s. But it certainly looks a bit worn nowadays, to say the least. It´s a tale of outlaws on all sides who nobody would like to be associated with (just like they say, they´re not associated with anyone). The bloodfest at the end of the film is certainly intriguing in its daring depiction of gun violence, but then: today we are used to heavier stuff from the likes of Quentin Tarantino. It´s worth a look, but hard to sit through for over 2 hours!
Les fantômes du chapelier (1982)
Stunning performance!
The plotting of "Chapelier" is actually quite dull, I must admit. But nevertheless the movie is a great piece of entertainment. The one person that makes it worth your while is Michel Serrault. He ranges among the finest actors that France brought to the screen. Here, he simply plays a total nuthead, which is absolutely entertaining to look at. Should you ever come across this movie on TV, watch it!
Teenage Caveman (2002)
Obscene!
This movie was beyond anything I have ever watched in the Horror genre! I strongly recommend the invention of a new genre label for this piece of trash: porror! it seems like an exploitative mixture of the porn and horror genres in order to shock the audience. well, what can i say: it definitely succeeded in shocking me! But then: what can you expect from a movie entitled "Teenage Caveman". It absolutely has to be junk, right?
I thought the acting reaked of false pretensions, the all-teen cast made me want to vomit (I have to put it that bluntly!). Above all, Larry Clark seems to lack any kind of decency. He clearly advocates the use of drugs and alcohol at any given point in the movie. To make a long story short: it´s simply disgusting and makes the viewer ask himself why the heck he is watching it.
BUT: if you want an absolutely once-in-a-lifetime experience, go see it!
The Matrix Reloaded (2003)
Very fast, very furious!
This movie is of a twofold nature: it starts out like your average Star Trek film, showing us people in silly costumes and ridiculous underground sets (the city of Zion). To make matters worse, Morpheus - one of the central characters in the first part of the trilogy - seems to have turned into a crazed lunatic delivering a speech that closely resembles the one the President gave in "Independence Day".
The masses of Zion, though, thrive on his words and immediately dance like crazy in what reminded me of the dance sequence in the first "Blade"-movie. All in all: the first half hour of the film disappointed me very much. It´s almost unbearable to sit through.
But wait for what comes after that: I think it is legitimate to call the highway fight- and chase sequence one of the most dazzling visual attractions that have hit the screen yet!
Unfortunately, I wasn´t able to follow all of the philosophical paranoia statements that characters in the film make. I was especially dumbfounded by the scene where Neo meets the creator of the Matrix. So, I´ll admit it, I WILL go to see the film again!
It seems like an instant classic in the new genre of cyber thrillers!
Los sin nombre (1999)
stylish, but lame
This movie opens very promising! It has a great visual style that reminds me of the great era of film noir. The actors deliver astoundingly intense performances, so there´s no flaw in that regard. Only the end seems a little tucked on, almost as if the filmmaker didn´t know how to end his mysteriously suspenseful feature.
This is a little sad given the great aesthetic quality of the whole movie. It could have used some rewriting! But then: quite entertaining whatsoever!
Renting it on DVD or video will do it for you!
Cube 2: Hypercube (2002)
Masterful! A sequel that lives up to the standard set by the first movie!
This movie gives you the thrill you´ve been waiting for. Anyone who thought there couldn´t be a sequel (including myself!) simply because the first film was very philosophical and had a seemingly definitive ending, will be amazed at what little masterpiece Adrzej Sekula created here.
The former cameraman of cult classics like "Pulp Fiction" proves that he can do a lot more than simply shoot scenes directed by other people. He is a real creator!
At first, the viewer gets the impression that he/she has somehow seen all this before. It feels like a dejavu, simply because the cubes where strangers meet and have to figure out why they´re there look exactly the same as in the first picture.
But soon, Sekula makes very clear, that his "Cube" goes well beyond the plot of the first movie. This cube is not three- but four-dimensional! A journey through parallel universes, and different times begins without ever showing the outer world. The secret of the cube will be kept until the very end of the movie. Nevertheless, "Hypercube" has a more real ending than its predecessor!
Anyway, I don´t want to spoil it for anyone, so I keep the rest to myself! My strong recommendation is, however: if you liked the first movie, you´ll love the sequel!
Moreover, there seems to be a high potential for a third installment!
Great fun, great thrill! Go see it!
Coyote Ugly (2000)
A true waste of time!
Dear Jerry!
I used to be one of your most arduous admirers. Unfortunately, you seem to have changed considerably since your longtime companion Don Simpson died in 1996.
I can´t help but get the impression that he´s the one who did all the creative work in your production company.
Let´s face it: it was all downhill after the ground-breaking smash hit "The Rock".
Now, "Con Air" still had some of the charm that I like the most about your films.
But don´t even mention "Armageddon" or "Gone in 60 seconds"! These films are simply a waste of time! Even though they could have been a lot better!
Oh, I almost forgot: I really liked "Enemy of the state", that was a truly thrilling roller coaster ride.
Do me a favor, will you? Please stay away from these movies that deal with women and their strive to success! They´re shallow and sexist...
"Coyote Ugly" is simply the worst film I´ve seen in years! It´s beaten only by Madonna´s disaster movie "The Next best Thing".
You can do better, I know that for a fact!
All the best. Jake.
Red Planet (2000)
Val Kilmer is the year 2000´s Captain Kirk
This is definitely for Sci-Fi-Addicts!
If you like Star Trek, you´ll love this flick starring the sexy Carrie-Ann Moss and the world´s most outrageous screen star ever: Val Kilmer.
It is no more than an extended, kind of naive episode of Star Trek. But that´s all it needs to be.
It doesn´t pretend to be anything it ain´t, like De Palmas crappy MISSION TO MARS did last year.
Let me give you some good advice: see this one on a cloudy sunday afternoon, together with your dearest movie buddies!
Try it out, it works marvelously. For great, neat fun, call on Val and Carrie!
Thanks also for Terence Stamp´s cameo!
Nice movie, everyone!
Coyote Ugly (2000)
A true waste of time!
Dear Jerry!
I used to be one of your most arduous admirers. Unfortunately, you seem to have changed considerably since your longtime companion Don Simpson died in 1996.
I can´t help but get the impression that he´s the one who did all the creative work in your production company.
Let´s face it: it was all downhill after the ground-breaking smash hit "The Rock".
Now, "Con Air" still had some of the charm that I like the most about your films.
But don´t even mention "Armageddon" or "Gone in 60 seconds"! These films are simply a waste of time! Even though they could have been a lot better!
Oh, I almost forgot: I really liked "Enemy of the state", that was a truly thrilling roller coaster ride.
Do me a favor, will you? Please stay away from these movies that deal with women and their strive to success! They´re shallow and sexist...
"Coyote Ugly" is simply the worst film I´ve seen in years! It´s beaten only by Madonna´s disaster movie "The Next best Thing".
You can do better, I know that for a fact!
All the best. Jake.
The Next Best Thing (2000)
The Next Worst Thing
This movie definitely ranks among the worst director John Schlesinger has ever made. Visually brilliant movies like URBAN COWBOY seem long gone if compared to this - pardon me - extraordinary piece of crap!
Madonna delivers an overwhelmingly shallow performance while Rupert Everett has to deal with her moron behavior as the film´s character Abbie.
Maybe Madonna decided to make a movie about her coming of age as a superstar - searching for the right guy to raise her child with. I really think she deserves her husband in real life, Guy Ritchie.
But I can´t bear her attitude towards her gay friend, whom she chooses to be the child´s father - played by Everett. First of all, she lies to him, saying he´s the father of her child. When she finally meets Mr. Right, she doesn´t seem to care about him any longer, treating him like an unloved being.
Accordingly, she abducts the child from the shared apartment to solve the problem that unfolds when she meets her new lover. Correctly, Everett deems himself forced to take their case to a California court.
It is there, however, that Everett learns Madonna has played tricks on him - since he isn´t the real father of the child. He is then - on top of everything - blamed with ruining Madonna´s life.
Nobody asks how Everett must feel about the whole story..
I simply think that this movie is - apart from the terrible storyline - unbearable. You can´t just walk away with a film like this, which incorporates an attack on the self esteem of all gay men!!
Madonna ought to stick to her music career at last, since she doing fine in that area. But I strongly advise her to keep her fingers off the filmmaking business!
The movie is pure bad taste!!!!
La bête (1975)
Intense high-brow Pornography
This movie is simply incredible! I had expected something quite different form the film that I actually saw. However, it is very insightful in that it shows the aggressive nature of human sexuality and its linkage with animal behavior. Let me warn those among the readers of this article who are easily offended by content that is all too sexual, for the explicit sexual nature of this film feels like a high-brow sort of pornography. It even features a scene that comes extremely close to rape.
Meanwhile, I strongly suggest seeing this rare work of "sexual art". Every minute of the picture breathes the sexual spirit of the seventies, by the way. One should not forget how times have changed!
Go see it! It´s worth your money and time!
Aleksandr Nevskiy (1938)
Not a big thrill whatsoever
I hate to admit that this movie wasn´t really one of my favorites. I saw it at the Arsenal - a small arthouse movie theater in the heart of Berlin - with great expectations. How surprised was I when I realized the film was a piece of the most outrageous Russian propaganda, designed to support people´s feelings towards the Germans in a time of war. To say the least: it seemed a little outdated.
Apart from this disappointment, I found the film to be yet another formal masterpiece of Eisenstein´s. His use of the frame composition and editing is just stunning, almost unbelievably creative and of hypertrophic proportions. On the other hand, there is that famous scene on the frozen lake which has an awkward look to it simply because the viewer is able to see that NOTHING is for real. Even the breaking ice resembles big chunks of plastic rather than the real thing.
In addition, it is plain to see that those were settings in a studio... Gee, Americans know how to hide that fact so much better. All in all, I didn´t think it was a bad picture, just a little overloaded with insignificant informations on how to defend Russian soil against the threat of the Germans. I understand, there is a good reason for Russians to argue the way they do in that film, obviously because Germany really was at war with Russia in the late thirties. On the other hand, I just think it´s pathetically outdated and - above all - not very well acted, either!
Forgive me for my harsh critique of your genius, master Sergei!