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Playboy's Great American Cybergirl Search (2008)
Not So "Great"
I looked forward to 'Great American Cybergirl Search' from Playboy, but quickly found myself losing interest. First it's another casting vid from them which are cheap and bare bones. Then as much as I tried to make a mental adjustment to the presentation, I was underwhelmed by the quick style of female visuals. A nagging feeling that I had seen some of this material before then crept into my viewing experience only to be confirmed which just added insult to injury.
Standard montage intro gives you female sights in hotel rooms as talent searches happen and a simplistic title card takes us to the first US city (1 min). "Los Angeles" has a barrage of blondes (Shannon, Amanda, Shelly, Vanessa, Lana) take it off and pose with the sole redhead Brooke breaking up the color code. You get boobs, butts sometimes in close-up, but also the audio of staff on-site, ladies and a slightly annoying narrator in between. Honestly as nice as the ladies look it's not a great setup (5 mins total). "Cyber Girl: Amy" (Jan 2005) serves as a break from the usual and the continuing format here. You watch as Amy poses under direction from a loud photographer as clothes slowly come off. You definitely get the views of her body, but again the format is meh (2.5 mins).
"Sacramento" sees a host of ladies (Aubrey, Heather, Kellie, Stephanie, Andrea) posing and taking lingerie or underwear for the camera. Minor soundbites with them come in the mix again (3.5 mins total). "Cyber Girl: Amy" (Mar 2001) Amy Miller to be specific is the next featured lady. A blonde stunner she's captured posing in a bar for a photo-op as well as some BTS footage. Luckily music plays over the scene allowing you to soak her up nude without annoying chatter and a few really nice shots of her make this part a winner (2.5 mins). "Salt Lake City" is the next batch of lovely ladies (Hailee, Jillian, Danielle, Jamie, Marla) doing the same setup as before (4.5 mins). "Cyber Girl: Tiffany" (Mar 2006) drops from a bra, panties in front of a fireplace or in an open top. Again I didn't really need to hear all the chatter from the photographer (2.5 mins).
"Chicago" sees the next line-up (Jen, Sommer, Tawni, Alana) do their thing (3.5 mins) in the same fashion. "Cyber Girl: Zoya" (Feb 2004) poses, removes clothes in two different setups as the loud photographer makes a return (3 mins). "North Carolina" has a sample of the "smokin' hot babes" they found (Alisha, Amanda, Whitney, Jenni) do their thing (3 mins). "Cyber Girl: Heidi" (Oct 2005) struts in a nice pink bra, panties as she gets photos taken on route to naked. Then out of a nurse's uniform for a second set-up with her (3 mins). "Kansas City" sees women (Amy, Tamara, Crystal, Marty, Jennifer) show their stuff (3 mins). "Cyber Girl: Amy" no that's not a typo. Third Cybergirl with that name (CGotY 2005) poses in a house with plenty of closeups and then outside a van. She's beyond hot, but this format (like every other lady) really isn't doing her justice (3 mins).
"Toronto" showcases ladies (Roberta, May, Jill, Jacqueline) every bit as hot as their American counterparts (3.5 mins). "Cyber Girl: Shannon" (Dec 2006) poses on a set really highlights her butt before a classical setup for round two and on a bed for the finale (3.5 mins). "Boston" like every other city shows off a fine selection of attractive females (Jessica, Vennesa, Eva, Kayla, Lisa) that aim to please for the cameras (3 mins). "Cyber Girl: Ines" (Jan 2004) gets out of a white top, bluejean shorts for pics to start. Then it's naked on a couch with a few lovely closeups to close (2.5 mins). "Cleveland" has a fantastic mix of ladies (Abby, Sandra, Heidi, Emily, Laura) to show off as well (5 mins).
"Cyber Girl: Sarah" (Apr 2006) sees her pose on an antique couch in bra, panties before a move to the bathtub that is nice (3 mins). "Tampa" is another mix of hotties (AnnMarie, Kristin, Alicia, Carlotta, Aimee) posing for pics, vid (5 mins). "Cyber Girl: Sean" (2005) drops from a pink top, panties as pics get snapped. Then it's laying on a dining room table near a window to continue things closeup (3.5 mins). "San Antonio" has plenty of lovely ladies (Brittney, Seanne, Lyndsey, Monica) as they stand posing or lay on a couch (3 mins). "Cyber Girl: Mary" (Jan 2003) takes it off playing pool feeling more like a legit video segment. It ends with her on top of the table and uses a piece of music also featured in the video game 'Mad Dog McCree II: The Lost Gold' (2.5 mins). "San Diego" is the last city on display and ladies (Christina, Kymberle, Lyn, Molly, Veronica, Heather) that showed up to bare all (4 mins). "Cyber Girl: Sheena" (Jun 2006) goes briefly topless in a chair more of a legit video segment then ends up taking it off in a bar next (3 mins).
'Great American Cybergirl Search' isn't a complete write-off, but a lot rides on how much you willing to forgive its format. There's some good visuals buried within, but reused footage amongst other annoyances means it can't build momentum or be a solid title.
Middle Men (2009)
Only $29.95 a Month
'Middle Men' is a tale as old as time where a man loses himself to success and the excess it brings. As a red blooded hetero male, I can't feign ignorance to online porn at the dawn of the internet or the billing third party companies smack dab in the middle that make up a large portion of the tale here. While it might trace predictable territory to the point of cliche, I can't deny some entertaining set pieces, a good cast and real truths make it worth a watch.
Jack Harris (Luke Wilson) has a knack for fixing problems, businesses. What starts out as a favor to get a struggling nightclub back on it's feet has him meet shady lawyer Jerry Haggerty (James Caan). He's got two headcases, Buck & Wayne (Gabriel Macht, Giovanni Ribisi) who've found success making money with online porn in the early 90's. Problem is they took a Russian mobster Nikita Sokoloff (Rade Sherbedgia) on as partner. Brokering deals, making peace finds Jack in a very profitable online payment company. The gateway between content creators and the public where the money rolls in. However as Jack battles not only the crazy slash dangerous people around him, he finds himself won over by fantasy where things are reaching the point of no return.
First and foremost the glue at work here is Wilson. He has the unsung ability to play straight men that are easy to like and/or identity with. Sure as the tale traverses a path of porn, alcohol / drugs and egos with a little bit of murder and crime (that itself is fun) he isn't above making mistakes. As a guy who starts out as a decent married family man, one particular move of his (hint he's not using his big brain) is careless. Yet he remains likable if not flawed in a whirlwind of suspect people.
Bit parts almost cameos for Robert Forster, John Ashton and Kelsey Grammar. Kevin Pollak as a senior FBI Agent, Terry Crews as a fellow business partner slash best friend round out a cast of faces. No shock however that the flick belongs to Wilson, the funny / stupid antics of Macht & Ribisi and general scene stealer James Caan who has an honest ability playing scumbags. Though Laura Ramsey has to be commended for a real taste of what a damaged pornstar looks like when the mask slips.
I enjoyed my viewing of 'Middle Men' back when it originally came out and that sentiment remains true today. I don't put a lot of stock in the "inspired by a true story" and the filmmakers themselves admit in a end title card most if not all has been fictionized. Still a game cast brings home another fun reality / fantasy parable and the film never bogs down or becomes boring due to all the seamy elements. That's really all you can ask for in a pic like this.
Phoenix the Warrior (1988)
Wasteland Boobies
I've come to the conclusion that fans of 'Phoenix the Warrior' aka 'She Wolves of the Wasteland' gotta have fond memories of this growing up or enjoy anything if it means seeing boobs. Cheap and awful from the musical score to most of the acting right down to explosions, very sad action, non existent fight choreography. This wasn't lots of fun.
A war involving biological weapons has life rescind into post apocalyptic times where it's thought all men have been killed and a few women survived. Reverend Mother (Sheila Howard) controls the supply of sperm and has only females born so she can continue exerting power. When Keela (Peggy Sands) carrying an unborn son escapes her facility, Phoenix (Kathleen Kinmont) becomes their protector.
Kinmont (Halloween 4) and Persis Khambatta (Star Trek: The Motion Picture) as a right hand baddie deliver the best acting, but that doesn't say much here in a project such as this. Any scene whenever it involves swords, guns or fisticuffs is laughably bad and whatever mild interest you have in a futuristic tale (done elsewhere) never builds to anything.
Set in the desert one part Mad Max, two parts a riff on sword & sandals movies 'Phoenix the Warrior' might appeal to lovers of bad flicks. Which means if you don't fall in that category: avoid it. There's not enough of it's main selling point - female flesh - to be very titillating. A box cover much better than the actual movie which was the style at the time.
The 4:30 Movie (2024)
Baby, I'm a Big Star Now
Put aside this is from director / writer Kevin Smith and judging 'The 4:30 Movie' on it's own merits you still don't come back with much to show for it. Very few laughs, slightly annoying characters and knee deep life sentiment as the plot charts a course of young romance. A downward trajectory of a man who once made witty comedies continues via tired inspiration.
New Jersey teen Brian (Austin Zajur) rekindles with his crush Melody (Siena Agudong) as plans are made to sneak into the 4:30 showing of a R-rated film together (hence the title). In the meanwhile, he hangs out with his best friends on route to a day at the movies. Here friendships and a possible relationship will be tested by egomaniac manager Mike (Ken Jeong).
I'll give a cast of young actors credit for making their characters feel down to earth if nothing else. However a story tracing the directors early life is equal parts cliched and meandering. With nothing new to say, very few comedy setups it has the entertainment factor of an afterschool special and about as much emotional depth as one too.
This isn't about the 80's neither. Ditto society's affection for going to the movies (kids are sneaking into films they didn't pay for, but hey that's okay?). What does it have to say about growing up or interactions with the opposite sex? Nothing you haven't saw or heard done better. It's coda? Awfully close to self-aggrandizing as in "Here's my life! Look at me! I made it in Hollywood after all!".
A lot of critics think 'The 4:30 Movie' is a move in the right direction for Smith and I couldn't disagree more. This was a tale in boredom and eventually I gave up hope it would get better. A handful of cameos don't elevate things. With nothing insightful, no killer dialog and few laughs the hardcore fans are saying this is a return to form. It really ain't.
Playboy Video Centerfold: Playmate of the Year Stacy Sanches (1996)
Nice Combo
Playmate Stacy Sanches didn't reach the popularity of other ladies, but she's always stood out to me. After seeing her in a bunch of Playboy vids, I finally got around to '1996 PMotY' where she wins the big one. Once again her physical beauty is captured in various scenes of delight and Donna D'Errico's addition is a good one too.
"Main Titles" plays up Stacy in artsy but sensual fashion as you get glimpses of her naked, closeups of her face and a title card (1.5 mins). "Just a Down-Home Texas Girl" strikes up not just her roots but yummy body in and out of clothes (2.5 mins). "A Real Family Person" is the expected talk piece as she's joined by her mom and fellow model sister Kim (who appeared in PB a bunch but never became a Playmate). More voiceover and pics of Stacy throughout the years (3.5 mins). "Feel the Rhythm" is a music number and she's joined by two male dancers. Unfortunately it only has sporadic sights of Stacy naked though what's here is decent (3 mins). "Dreaming on a Rainy Day" strives for atmosphere via a music track and brief water as Stacy strips inside a house or outdoors. Again nice shots of her here, but definitely not enough of them (4 mins). "Sisters" shoots back to Stacy getting emotional talking about Kim who then joins her (1.5 mins).
"Girls Day In" has a playful vibe to it as both Sanches ladies try on clothes, bounce on a bed and are shown naked solo or briefly together. Many nice shots make this scene a winner (4 mins). "Knight in Shining Spurs" has a quick chat with Stacy that continues via voiceover briefly as a boy/girl romance goes down in a Mexican town. Bad news is way too much setup and not enough payoff of the good kind. Dude in a bathtub soaps up her chest & feel up her buns in a shot. Plus enjoyable solo posing as Stacy looks fantastic, but to put emphasis on what I'm trying to say only three minutes are the right kind of focus (8 mins). "Pictorial" returns to Stacy, sis and mom for more talk as the pics get shown (2 mins). "Heat of the Night" jumps from a boy/girl argument, saxophone player and Stacy posing, running at night while a helicopter chases her. Like past scenes there's more than a few good peaks at Stacy sans clothes, but you gotta tolerate the "story" or atmosphere they're putting up around it. I'd much prefer long uninterrupted shots, but what can you do. More sights of Stacy like in the intro and a few words close things out (6 mins).
"Playmate Profile: Donna D'Errico" has her spin around in the desert or pose at a gas station and is great even though I had seen it before (2 mins). "Fate" is your prerequisite chat about her life as childhood pics get shown (1.5 mins). "Sun Worshiper" is back to the desert as Donna poses in a white see thru dress plus fully nude. Nice visuals including her all oiled up at one point and a nice tracking closeup of her body starting at her legs and going all the way up (3 mins). "A Happy One" sees the preference for the color red from paint to her clothes to the color of a couch she sits / lays on. Many nice shots, more closeups make this fairly decent (3 mins). "Pictorial" is the centerfold shots (1 min). "The Limo Driver" sees Donna as the employee in question and the best parts come via intercut shots of her solo in lingerie or naked. She gets it on with the guy in the backseat briefly via fantasy (3.5 mins).
'1996 PMotY' is a pretty good one-two punch in delicious brunette Stacy and Playboy's predominate type in blonde stunner Donna. It has too much talk and segments that favor style over nudity sometimes. Still I think this is an above average video. If you fall enjoy Playboy give this yearly edition a shot.
Danni's International Beauties (2004)
Pick 'N Choose
My love/hate relationship with the former model's website turned legit video titles continued with 'Danni's International Beauties'. The lengthy "in bed" interview segments are still here as are vintage strips that ride a gap from pretty good to meh. I can't be too hard on this as it checks most boxes and foreign ladies are always a nice chance of pace. Yet can't also deny visuals on hand didn't grab me for the most part.
Standard intro has your montage, title card and the ex-founder herself Danni Ashe setting things up (1.5 mins). "Monique Dane" is the first lady up and a chat with India (2 mins) on public sex and other topics before taking off a black dress on a living room set. I've seen Monique before and there's some closeups of her shaved kitty, but overall this bit didn't hit very hard (8 mins total). "Lorna Morgan" on the other hand was hands down my favorite part. An all natural busty brit, she has sex appeal for days which gets shown off in the interview with Danni (who's more than a little eager to feel her up). Then it's a kitchen strip from a see-thru french maid outfit that can't hide her awesome boobs. Her kitty and butt get some much deserved attention - a lot of the time in yummy closeups - and lastly worth mentioning a jug of milk gets poured over her too (8.5 mins total).
"Victoria Zdrok" a former Penthouse Pet, Playboy Playmate is here in all her blonde prime. First a chat with Taylor St. Claire (2 mins) before a move to a set posing as a motorcycle chick getting out of her riding clothes. Plenty of shots highlight her boobs before her kitty is shown displaying some pink (not a spread though). Rubbing a vibrator on her clit and pouring oil over her chest round out the pluses for visuals. If you like Victoria you'll like this scene though it does feel like it's just going threw the motions (8.5 mins total). "Adele Stephens" follows and while I'm usually a fan of this UK hottie this scene is definitely not even closes to her best. Talks to Kelle Marie first (2 mins) before a set made to look like an old sailing ship as Adele strips. You get all the usual - her killer boobs, butt and even nice closeups of her kitty - but it feels low energy (6.5 mins total).
"Veronika and Edita" talk to Aria Giovanni (2 mins) before a rather tame girl/girl as they help strip each other in bed. I had saw this before as part of another Danni video focused on Veronica Zemanova solely & it didn't do much for me then where it was edited / shown shorter. A longer version didn't change anything. Veronica (enhanced here) is hot and Edita isn't bad, but it feels a lot like earlier parts. Just going thru the motions (7 mins total). "Bettie Ballhaus" wraps up the video talking to Danni (2 mins) then dressed as a cabaret dancer who strips on a small stage. It's hard to say what's more appealing at first. Her flaming red hair or a killer set of natural big boobs. In any case this does a nice job with a few closeups & Bettie brings her energetic energy to the scene (5.5 mins).
Fans of the featured models will be pleased and a standard dose of softcore gets taken up a notch with a sprinkle of explicitness not found in a title from Playboy. 'Danni's International Beauties' has the same issues found in all their vintage vids, but I think most will enjoy it.
The Girls of Scores (1997)
Waste of Money
'Girls of Score' often incorrectly gets billed as a title from Playboy, but that's not it's main problem. It's a largely tame mix of visuals that does these ladies from a famed NYC strip club no favors and an abundance of talking seals the deal. Some of the video seems very professional, but the package as a whole is really weak. There's not much to like here.
Two ladies getting out of a cab to strip down feels like a pleasant omen for an intro. However settle for a few sparse shots of boobs, butts and know it doesn't get much better from here (6.5 mins). "Robin" is the first featured dancer and while it's par for the course to get soundbites, blurbs ... two minutes worth is too much. On a stage complete with pole (actual club?) she drops from a dress bathed in an artificial blue light. She's certainly attractive and a good dancer, but the panties never come off and it doesn't make for a particularly hot scene (6 mins total).
"Shannon" gets a montage partly clothed or naked to break up the formula. Too bad it has so many flash cuts and alters the color scheme. Then comes the standard life / dancing / NYC spiel (1.5 mins) before a strip in front of a curtain with candles. Once again it's dropping from a dress that doesn't go past topless as she lays out and it left me cold (7 mins). "Carla" is shown topless in an alley (1 min) before a pointless 15 secs of two ladies at the beach in bikinis. Then an interview (35 secs) before her and another lady in bondage gear pose. Minimal nudity, maximum boredom (5.5 mins total).
"Savannah" is preceded by more shots of ladies in bikinis (15 secs) before her with water. Happily she goes full nude on route to getting all wet (2 mins). Next is a scattered interview (1 min) before a strip on a fire escape. She ends up running an ice cube over her body and goes full on naked. Though there isn't any real lower body attention paid to her and you get the sense there's an effort to avoid it from the way she poses to the camera work (6 mins). "Tamara" gets right to her interview (1.5 mins) before a garden variety strip that starts and stops at topless. A few nice shots of her boobs, but nothing killer (5 mins total).
2 mins worth of two ladies naked on the steps of a brownstone before "Amy Lynn" Baxter. A former Penthouse Pet, she has a standard talk (1.5 mins) before getting wet on stage. Take good closeups & combine them with low lighting to produce a scene that isn't horrible but hardly fantastic (5.5 mins total). Last bit of bikinis in public before "Nadia" who stands out from the pack with her foreign looks. Any excitement I had though quickly went away with an interview that goes on WAY too long (4 mins) and a schoolgirl strip that doesn't turn things around. Not only is the camera too far away for most of it ... there's no real nudity. It's all tease. One quick shot of her butt and blink 'n miss it peak at boobs (7 mins total).
Forget the shameless name dropping of Howard Stern and a box cover meant to play up his 'Private Parts'. 'Girls of Score' is a sad video that wasn't worth a watch let alone buy back in it's day. Titles from Playboy & Penthouse in 1997 supplied full body female nudity and more heat in five minutes than this title can't even do in 55.
Penthouse: 1993 Pet of the Year Winners (1993)
Knockout Lady. Average Title.
As a fan of Julie Strain, '1992 Playoff' underwhelmed as a title which left me feeling pessimistic about '1993 PotY' where she wins. Some of the same problems plague this short entry, but it also delivers some spicy picks for both Julie and runner-up Mahalia. However if you can look past too much talk, one of Julie's parts with little nudity, there's also a slight copout at the end.
Title card then the beginning of an interview with Julie that continues throughout her entire segment and a tiny montage of both featured ladies (1 min). "Pet of the Year: Julie Strain" is her in bed and her boobs on display instantly. It's a slow scene, but gives a continuous dose of her body at all times. Her kitty is on full display within the first minute and even a quick shot of her butt makes the cut (3 mins). More talk in between (40 secs) takes us to a lite boy/girl where it bounces around between her solo in a chair, getting felt up (2 mins).
More talk (1 min) leads to her watching three ladies getting sexually though the focus is almost always on her. She gets turned on and starts feeling herself resulting in a very nice prolonged spread from Julie in closeup and her boobs looking great (3.5 mins). Tiny more talk (15 secs) leads to B&W footage being touched by a dude slowly exposing herself in a dress and her solo in color briefly naked (3 mins).
Now comes that dismal part I mentioned as she goes room to room in a see thru bodysuit. Posing in bed to laying on a floor she starts ripping it, but it's a slow process and not a lot of killer shots to make up for it (4.5 mins). Outside by a mansion pool she's topless with leggings, heels but before you get too excited it's over. A jarring cut to her naked at night flexing and briefly in the water. A really odd choice and that is unfortunately a wrap on the late PH Pet / B-movie queen (1.5 mins).
"Runner-Up Mahalia" gets shown topless right away in bondage leather as does another lady. Mahalia pulls her bottoms aside to show her kitty and the other lady actually does a spread on the floor. A brief shot of them outdoors which shows off the brunette's butt nicely, but then it's over (2 mins). At a pool Mahalia is in a one piece swimsuit to begin but is quickly naked in the water. It's another scene that could be much hotter and you have to get by on only a few nice shots of her boobs here (2.5 mins). On a grass lawn she's got a red wig on and a dress, but wastes no time pulling her boobs out and then showing her kitty. Then it cuts to indoors and she shows off what's under a green dress now briefly. A cut to her in a black wig but naked on a floor is next, but has great views of her kitty for sure (3 mins).
"Sneak Preview" of the next Playoffs is the copout I referred to off the top, but the odd thing is even though I had seen this footage before of Pets (Stevie Jean, Tracy Wolf, Leslie Glass & Jami Dion) it was still hot. Actually it delivers a more consistent level of nudity than the main presentation. Plus condensed editing leaves it stronger than the full thing in 'Play-Off 1993' (8 mins).
If you're a fan of Julie, I say give this a go. However it's not gonna be the hottest piece you see. After a few other PH titles and countless T&A flicks, I thought her PotY title would deliver giving her full body a visual workout and that ain't the case. '1992 Playoff' is merely okay.
Penthouse: 1994 Pet of the Year Winners (1994)
Hard to Love
You're gonna encounter softcore titles that aren't very hot or are shot poorly if you watch enough of them, but what about videos that feature a particular model you're not huge on? That was my issue with 'Pet of the Year 1994'. Sasha Vinni - Pet Sept 1991, PotY 1994 - eats up half of the runtime and I just didn't groove to her or the scene choices she was put in. Old favorite Leslie Glass - Pet Feb 1992 - means this isn't a total loss, but the point remains.
Title card, montage intro (1 min) then "Sasha: Pet of the Year" as she steps forth from the back of a large van and slowly strips down from a white shirt, black shorts and knee high boots to topless only (3 mins). The follow-up on a bed has the decency to go all the way, but on a scale of hotness hasn't risen that much (4.5 mins). Outside a den of tigers, Sasha is made to look similar. Facial makeup, hair and body paint. Shots of her crawling on all fours brought my temperature up. However there wasn't enough of these moments to really make a difference / justify the length here (6 mins).
In colorful clothes Sasha strips and things get a little saucier as her butt, kitty get shown a bit more (5 mins). On a rooftop she quickly lays out in the sun and applies oil. The simple concept delivers the best of all scenes so far and even makes a point to showoff her butt when she changes position (3 mins). Sitting in hay and what almost appears to be a circus tent she has only panties on. Two minutes in those get pulled aside and the camera goes in for a spicy shot which also turns out to be the highlight (5.5 mins).
Now here's where things take a slight turn depending on what version you watch. It's either "Penthouse Pet: Leslie Glass" or "Leslie: Runner-Up" as a title. For the latter scenes are reordered if not shortened (*) or gone completely (**). In the first version, she's showcased first in the back of a limo driving thru NYC. Naked by the end which is pleasant, but I'd already seen this material in at least two other PH titles already which killed any possible excitement (2 mins**). Ditto a piece with her naked in a recording studio (1.5 mins**). A too long interview with her in the desert follows (3 mins*) before flashing herself or getting naked on a park bench in Central Park (**) or on a rooftop (3 mins*). Riding a horse naked thru the desert comes next which includes shot of her posing next to it (2 mins**). Then it's her pictorial as she talks (1 min). Watching a couple get frisky literally on a couch across from her in a condo turns Leslie on and she gets naked, touches herself as shots of the other lady (Pet Susan Napoli**) are shown including a closeup of her kitty which she spreads (4 mins*).
Another chat on a number of subjects including her past as a boxing ring girl (2 mins*) leads to her on a staircase in a boxer's robe, shorts and gloves but topless. She throws punches at the camera before losing the robe, shorts and either twirls around or runs up the stairs giving you flashes of her kitty from behind (1 min). A game of strip poker between her and another lady, dude ends up with them both nude posing outside (4 mins). Lastly a mishmash of footage has Leslie take off various clothes inside a house with many closeups, nice shots in the mix (5 mins).
I don't wanna give the wrong impression here. Not bashing Sasha Vinni or saying she's unattractive. She just didn't do much for me based on the material here. Leslie's stuff was a step up (putting aside the issues), but I wouldn't go as far to say it was strong enough to make 'Pet of the Year 1994' an excellent watch. Penthouse has certainly done better.
Penthouse Pet of the Year Play-Off 1991 (1991)
Two Out of Three Ain't Bad
I was quite pleased with 'Playoffs 1991' and consider it a real solid video from Penthouse. Double up on those feelings if you're a fan of either Amy Lynn Baxter or Brandy Ledford (aka Jisel) too. A third Pet here Lynn Johnson has some okay scenes, but the quality runtime really belongs to those other two ladies. A real visual treat of pretty women taking it all off.
After the title card, quick montage intro (1 min) is "Penthouse Pet: Amy Lynn" in a black bodysuit on a yacht with talk via a voiceover (1 min). Though it's her in the back of a limo soaking up the attention of paparazzi cameras that delivers where you want. She quickly pulls her boobs out with a huge smile on and plays with them on route to spreading her legs (almost 3 mins). In bed is a nude interview that leads to pictorials (2.5 mins). Back to the yacht has her get naked / shown off in nice poses, closeups inside. It continues back on deck and then once again below deck in bed. Really great stuff (6.5 mins).
More of a brief chat (25 secs) before a highly enjoyable piece outside in an orange dress. Soon she's oiled up and hitting a lot of lovely poses in day or night shots including yummy closeups of boobs, kitty. The kind of scene you'll rewind (5 mins). A brief chat about cooking seductively for a man follows into a strip from a red dress, some food play. Wanna see Amy throat a banana? It's here and so are good close-ups plus Amy rubbing whipped cream all over her boobs (4.5 mins).
"Penthouse Pet: Lynn Johnson" kicks off having a man & woman rub her body down and apply mud (2 mins). Her pictorial is shown as she chats via a voiceover (1 min). Now a see thru rain jacket that leaves little to the imagination as she gets wet on a dark set and briefly lays in a puddle of water (2 mins). Surrounded by a wall of mirrors she's soaks up sights of herself laying on the floor (2 mins). Now nude trapped by wire mesh or posing in different clothes has a few good shots - mainly of her boobs - but not enough in my book (2.5 mins).
"Penthouse Pet: Jisel" begins in a bathtub with plenty of likable wet / soapy nude sights and yummy poses (2 mins). Then she starts to peel out of her dress laying on a couch or standing (2.5 mins). Transitions right to her in pink gloves, bra and pink featured thong panties and quickly topless & panties pulled aside before it all comes off and we shoot back to the bathtub to end things. A few more nice shots one of which sees her with one leg up on the sink showing off her kitty (1.5 mins). Lays down naked in a bed of flower pedals before pictorial is shown (30 secs). Fully nude except for sunglasses posing up against a wall then outdoor in the countryside either in color or B&W, but shows her body off continually (3.5 mins). A futuristic sci-fi strip is next complete with a silly laser gun, but she looks great. Plenty of lovely boobs, butt and kitty shots in the mix (2 mins). Rolling around in bed with a sheet overhead is 100% B&W, but the closeup camera work partly salvages it (4.5 mins).
Interesting how wild the swings quality-wise could be year to year for Penthouse titles. Double this sentiment when director Andrew Blake did work for them early on. The man would often lose himself in the war of style versus nudity yet every once and awhile he'd put out a winner. 'Playoffs 1991' just so happens to be one of those times.
Penthouse: 1992 Pet of the Year Winners (1991)
Brandy, Baby!
A lovely looking blonde who would make a name for herself acting later Brandy Ledford started off as a model first becoming a Penthouse Pet - May 1990 - then PotY for 1992. I tell you this because though the only other lady here - fellow blonde Amy Lynn - is no slouch, Brandy (aka Jisel) is the biggest reason to check out this title. Directed by Paul Nevitt (aka Andrew Blake) who worked for PH at the time displays his style, but it never gets in the way of the required nudity.
A simple no fuss title card and montage (1 min) before "Brandy: Pet Of The Year". Sultry voiceover as she touches herself, drops outta a gold dress and into black lingerie to kick things off. Then continues with her in a sleek dress with glasses on a couch with naughty looks at her kitty (4.5 mins). Naked in a pool or a dark set getting hit by water from all directions comes next (1.5 mins). A quick peek at her topless in closeup leads to footage that bounces between her and another lady (slim, stunning brunette) peeling out of lingerie inside or shots of them out in public semi-nude or in the buff. At the end they pose nude together, but strictly solo and no girl/girl content (3.5 mins).
Another quick voiceover as Brandy at a ranch is quickly shown topless in a red & white checkered bodysuit. It alternates between this & B&W footage of her in jeans, open top in a red wig. Thankfully the scene goes color before it's over (3 mins). Now with only a headwrap she and another lady (also nude) rubs her body (1.5 mins). Naked she's shown briefly in a living room before being dressed akin to Carmen Miranda. Then as a cabaret girl and topless as a sailor, marine or a Hawaiian luau girl. The latter actually goes full nude and it wraps on Brandy as a boxer topless throwing punches (2 mins).
"Amy Lynn: Pet Of The Year Runner-Up" is a brief talk in bed (30 secs) then a classy segment with her sipping on tea never getting naked from a white dress in a living room, but always exposed. This shifts to her in black that highlights her butt maximally before her boobs and kitty come out to play. Lastly a see thru top before more words via Amy (7.5 mins). In a grey suit she smokes a cigar then it retreats inside with another lady and a lite bondage element plays out as both get naked. Colors jump around displaying Blake's fondness for style a little too much to the detriment of nudity. A quick shot of her completely nude before more words close things out (2.5 mins).
Now a music video of sorts goes down and I assume that's Amy doing the legit vocals? The good news is she's shown naked or topless in an open black bodysuit throughout (2 mins). More words before a 1920's period fantasy with her in a black wig and dressed to the nines. It gets down to her topless and kitty flashes, but it's another scene steeped in too much style and very slow moving (4 mins). Has to be mentioned the end credits supply you with another last look at Brandy. Naked posing, twirling around in a field full screen and the sights are pretty good at times (2 mins).
Two delicious blondes in a satisfying yet short runtime means there's not much to dislike. Director's fondness for style, short scenes gets annoying in small parts, but not nearly enough to sink it. If you like either Brandy or Amy consider it a good watch.
Penthouse: 1992 Pet of the Year Playoff (1992)
15 Minutes of Goodness ... Tops
'1992 Playoff' looked to crown a winner and they couldn't have chosen a better lady than Julie Strain. She'd first made Penthouse Pet - Jun 1991 - before winning the ultimate title of PotY 1993. Though she had real competition in blondes Theresa Presley and Mahalia. This vid has some enjoyable pieces from all of them, but ultimately it gets buried under too much artsy fluff from director Andrew Blake.
After a standard title card, montage intro (1 min) is "Penthouse Pet: Theresa Presley". Initial footage of her naked in a helicopter flying thru the sky is more cool visual than titillating (1.5 mins). It's her spying on a blonde and Theresa herself in a separate scene stripping from a white tank top, jeans that brings on nudity the right way. A slow pace that first sees her ripping open her top to expose her boobs before attention turns to her buns, kitty. The latter in closeup as she tears her panties off (8.5 mins). In a black bra, thong panties & wig her buns, kitty get shown off briefly and then it's her pictorial and a voiceover (2.5 mins). Exposes herself in a car before more talk and jumping on a trampoline naked wraps things up (3 mins).
"Penthouse Pet: Julie Strain" has her drive along in a car before the beach (filler). Topless then nude amongst the rocks is nice, but it's in sepia tone (blah). Thankfully on top of cliffs either wrapped in a piece of cloth or completely nude is in color and shows off Julie much better (6 mins). Inside a house in a vinyl jacket she rolls around the floor looking great, but not much nudity even when she changes clothes and moves to a couch (5 mins). Thankfully her in a bathtub is a winner though. Her tan body getting wet and every part shown off in closeup once or twice ... I only wish it was longer (2.5 mins).
Pictorial and voiceover here before back to the rocks. She poses in a sci-fi getup briefly in sepia tone & then completely nude with only chains wrapped around her in color which is hotter (3 mins). In a house she bounces from room to room to close things out but again not much in the way of nudity is frustrating. Peek at her kitty under a desk and an extended look later in bed is all that's here. Way too much time goes by with little to show for it (4.5 mins).
"Penthouse Pet: Mahalia" has this Dutch short haired beauty in a style of dress that really shows off her boobs, muff. A move to indoors has her pose in a black dress that again same thing (2 mins). An extended chat follows (1 min) before naked in a back yard (2 mins). A western segment bounces around with different costumes, wigs before a few good nude shots in the desert (2 mins). Inside a house is the same thing & only a few pleasing shots. Pictorial and voiceover comes next and then a lite girl/girl segment that ends with play fighting as both are nude (3 mins). Now she strips from a blue top, jeans and gets naked in bed that gives the most nonstop pleasing nudity (3 mins). A few more words and then a strip outside on a sunny day in a red wig with a few decent looks in the mix (3 mins).
Always been a fan of Julie Strain so this was a title I looked forward to and it didn't deliver how I'd like. Not just her but the other two ladies as well. Partly due to the time period maybe, but mostly due to director's choices. '1992 Playoff' has meager pieces of goodness, but not enough to make it a solid Penthouse title.
Deep Cover (1992)
Poetry in Motion
I'm a firm believer in two basic concepts. Drugs ruin lives and the war against them has become mostly a battle of attrition. 'Deep Cover' shares not only these themes, ideals but is able to wheel them out in a tale of poetic nature. Finely directed by Bill Duke this film does almost nothing wrong in my eyes. The casting is really superb. Great dialog with many laughs within a tale largely serious in nature that might seem routine today, but was much more biting in 1992.
Cincinnati cop Russell Stevens (Fishburne) with a backstory neck deep in drugs and sadness is selected to go undercover by DEA Agent Carver (Charles Martin Smith). As his alter ego 'John Hull' he makes a quick rise from small buys on the street to full kilos from lawyer and later partner David Jason (Goldblum). As he gets closer and closer to the top of the pyramid, he starts to lose himself to the ugliness he himself is perpetuating and which surrounds him at almost every turn. As the picture becomes a lot more murkier with no clear sense of who's the bad guy and who's winning, who's losing.
Within the decade, Laurence Fishburne would notch many memorable roles defining his career. 'What's Love Got to Do with It' to 'Boyz n the Hood' lastly 'The Matrix', but it saddens me 'Deep Cover' is rarely part of the conversation. He sells his role thru actions and words (unsettling narration) of a man at a spiritual crossroads looking to do some honest good, but being sold a bill of lies. Gets a rude awakening to the reality of politics, human nature and all it entails. Meanwhile Jeff Goldblum also puts in one of his finest roles too. A man who travels the globe metaphorically speaking looking for respect in all the wrong places who like Fishburne's character loses himself in a totally different set of circumstances.
Then there's the supporting cast. The late Gregory Sierra put in fun roles during the mid 90's like a cranky police captain in 'A Low Down Dirty Shame' and as a priest in 'Vampires', but as mid-level cocaine distributor Barbosa who's prone to violence as a solution he's a real treat. Kamala Lopez portrays a young woman deep in the grips of crack addiction so well I'm shocked she didn't get more acclaim. Victoria Dillard as the obvious romantic interest nails her role that means in stock distress for some parts, but also down to earth and flawed just like everybody else. Then you have established faces Clarence William III, Sydney Lassick, Roger Guenveur Smith, Glynn Turman and Charles Martin Smith putting in solid work. They feel very real to me defining a reality I know exists. Lastly James T. Morris (only made a couple of films) as a rival dealer steals scenes with his bombastic charisma too.
A film of modest budget (8 mil), I think 'Deep Cover' is one of the best undercover cop films ever made. It has the necessary sprinkles of action & minor twists, but it's a firm hand in storytelling, editing, atmosphere as a full package that really makes it standout. A lot of this genre is surface level only to a setup guns going off and bits of action. This has much more to say if you're willing to listen, pay attention. Optimism, pessimism and everything in between.
Sugar Hill (1993)
Runnin' on Empty
'Sugar Hill' looks very fine on the surface any nagging cliches aside. You get Wesley Snipes likable charisma and he re-teams with the same writer from 'New Jack City' so it feels like a win-win. Then you watch a product devoid of any sweeping message, full of one note characters with very little intelligence and you can't help but be disappointed. Going for grandiose and failing is the name of the game here honestly.
Roemello Skuggs (Snipes) and brother Raynathan (Michael Wright) had to endure a lot of family tragedy growing up, but present day sees them as successful big time heroin pushers in Harlem. An alliance, fragile history with Italian mobster Gus (Abe Vigoda) becomes strained as Roe faces the decision he wants out from the game which also alienates his brother. Meanwhile an ex-pro boxer Lolly (Ernie Hudson) turned street hood wants to be cut in on the action complicating matters further.
Can't tell you how many times I chuckled at a scene or piece of dialog that wasn't meant to be funny. How many times I checked out when smart players made bad decisions or couldn't see two moves ahead. That's on top of the typical suspect morality play going on where bad people are glamourized to be good except it's ten times worse here. They show the family being torn apart in flashbacks by heroin. Dad a junkie who gets repeatedly shot but survives in front of his kids. Mom OD's right in front of them again as kids. Yet they grown up to be this?
Any issue I had with the tale going down a routine path of push & pull via drugs, violence with a "getting out" card was nothing compared to how much I hated an utterly whack romance subplot tacked on though. Watch her make a really big mistake. Watch the "hero" take her back. That's not touching on the ending where it all gets tied together. I had to restrain myself from laughing too hard as people lay gut-shot in the street as a saxophone solo went crazy.
'Sugar Hill' wants to be remembered. Wants to be held in high esteem as other genre pics, but it doesn't have the pedigree to do so. Even if you look past a fairly shallow story with nothing new to say you'll find it isn't as noble as it wants you to believe. Certainly not enough substance to milk a two hour runtime. It's not a complete loss, but a bunch of faces, talent are adrift in a sea of moral nothingness.
Naked Obsession (1990)
Murder By Numbers
'Naked Obsession' is a vintage T&A flick I viewed solely because of good reviews. Fans know that pics from this genre ultimately pass or fail on female nudity. Does it have a bunch of it and is it hot? We don't expect high budgets, deep stories or good acting. So imagine my surprise the most memorable piece here is the very latter.
Married straightlaced Councilman Frank Carlyle (William Katt) running to become mayor ventures to the rundown part of town under proposal to be cleaned up & gets carjacked. He befriends a homeless man Sam Silver (Rick Dean) who directs him to a payphone inside a strip club where a dancer Lynne (Maria Ford) takes a shine to him. Venturing back to that club with Sam finds himself bedding Lynne. It's when she turns up dead he becomes suspect #1 as his world begins to unravel.
No stranger to b-movies or taking her clothes off, Ford goes all the way as does pornstar Madison lose her panties in the club. Ria Coyne & Michelle Bauer go topless as dancers as do both Wendy MacDonald & Elena Sahagun as Frank's wife, secretary. While I didn't find much of the nudity - 50% of it simulated sex scenes - very hot, fans of Ford will likely enjoy her extended stage strip.
Real takeaway is two actors - Katt & Dean - turning in good work. The story they're navigating isn't deep or even satisfying, but they make their characters come to life in a down to earth way. An unhappy man who has to take a trip on the wild side to figure it out ... and the other? A guardian angel or the devil himself. Looking, sounding like a b-movie alternative to Sam Elliot.
It's crazy to say good acting is the best part of a long forgotten T&A flick calling itself 'Naked Obsession', but it's the truth. The murder mystery isn't much fun. Nudity pretty standard as the story unwinds in low budget fashion. B-movie director Fred Olen Ray shows up as a strip club DJ and ex-NFL star Roger Craig cameos as a homicide detective.
Penthouse Satin & Lace II: Hollywood Undercover (1993)
Back in Black
After the less than stellar first title, my hope was director Andrew Blake & Penthouse would learn from their mistakes. Unfortunately the sequel 'Satin & Lace II Hollywood Undercover' is a case in yes & no. The quota of female nude visuals has certainly gone up and the whole thing uses Pets only. Yet it's still weighed down by terminally short scenes a big part of the director's style.
Typical montage intro complete with title card, female narrator sets things up (1.5 mins). "The Forbidden Image 1910" has a artificial banged up, scratched look to the footage as Pet Stevie Jean strips, wiggles around on some rocks at night. "The Silent Stars 1924" sees a silent film being shot as two Pets (Janine Lindemulder, Jiam Dion) are shown partially naked lounging around (2 mins). Quick interlude of Pets before "The Golddigger 1933" with a blonde (Pet Jisel) in a shiny outfit surrounded by mirrors. Nice visuals here - tons of spreading her legs - but the entire thing is in B&W (1.5 mins).
"Publicity Pose 1910" nails a pinup style of old as Pet Susan Napoli poses nude in sepia tone (30 secs). "The Legend in New York 1955" is a blonde (Pet Robin Brown) on a rooftop initially heavy on tease it does finally deliver the naked goods albeit up until this point in sepia tone. Street level we switch over to color as she flashes the camera some more which continues into a park in the grass. The nude visuals and a Marilyn Monroe look / vibe to the lady score it points (3.5 mins). "The Studio Between Takes" is the backlot you caught in pieces during the montage opening. Pets (Jami, Stevie, Seana Ryan, Janine) in various costumes that supply a few nice closeups, but it's Seana & Jami who get the most focus (2.5 mins). "Nickelodeon Dancer 1898" is more artificially banged up footage as Pet Dominique Simone twirls around briefly showing off her ample bosom and kitty near the end (1 min).
"Leg Art 1942" sees Pet Leslie Glass quickly get out of a red dress and nude in a big red chair. Some great shots of her body but over very quick (30 secs). "Private Screening" is a legit movie theater as Pets (Julie Strain, Dominique, Susan, Jisel) watch an adult film (Bianca Trump getting felt up for those who wonder) and get turned on, touch themselves / each other (4 mins). "The Outlaws 1943" goes for a western movie motif as Pets Jami, Stevie show you their goods laying on a haystack or by a saloon (2 mins). "The Goddess" keeps a classic movie theme running as a Jisel plays chess with her man in sepia tone and then shown naked on a couch or walking down a hallway afterward (2.5 mins). Another fast interlude before "The Screen Test 1949" has Seana as the actress in question quickly solo strip for the camera. The colors get played with and not all of the shots are of the nude variety, but all in all it's solid (4 mins).
"Leg Art 1953" is Jisel playing with a beach ball on a set with very quick closeups of her butt, boobs and full nude from a distance (40 secs). "The Epic 1938" returns to the classical movie theme as the Susan drops out from her vintage dress in a chair hitting some nice poses / shots (1.5 mins). "Portrait Sitting 1940" is exactly what it states, but allows Leslie to drop out from her dress (2 mins). "The Legend, Part II, New York City 1995" returns to Robin laying indoors naked on a couch and has the kind of shots of her body - many in closeup - you want. It makes it's way to a bed, but the nice shots continue (3.5 mins). A quick interlude with Pets outside a warehouse (30 secs).
"30's European Sensation" allows Jisel in a white wig to get naked in B&W before thankfully it switches over to color (3 mins). "60's B-Movie Starlets" has a cheesy lite sci-fi theme as Seana, Stevie show off their bodies (1 min). "The Cat, 1958" sees a bed strip from Susan and the heavy focus on her kitty must be the "cat" they're referring to (2.5 mins). "Backstage Glamour" is more backlot footage as Julie Strain shows it off completely in quick but enjoyable fashion (45 secs).
"The Vamp" shows off Stevie fast, but it's quick and pay no mind to the silly theme (1 min). "Star Treatment" sees blondes Jisel & Robin making out in a dressing room (2 mins). "Underground Celebrity" is "legend" blonde (Robin) flashing in the subway (25 secs). "The Sweatergirl 1957" is Jami completely nude on a bed for the majority of time before it changes to her naked in the kitchen briefly and flashing her kitty on a couch to end things (4.5 mins). "The Legend, Part III Hollywood, 1962" has Robin get into a pool then shown nicely nude when she gets out. A nude photoshoot with plenty of nice shots wraps things up (3.5 mins). "20's Erotic Beauty" is Jami naked showing off her body and then Stevie Jean topless (45 secs). "90's Erotic Star" is Janine in front a long line of tv screens I saw in 'Pets 30:60' however she gets shown off nicely (2.5 mins).
I didn't enjoy my viewing of the first 'Satin & Lace' because of Blake's choices. Definitely felt like he lost control and while his brand of style, terminally short scenes continue on here at the very least 'Satin & Lace II Hollywood Undercover' got my juices flowing and that's all you can ask for. Consider this a step up and a decent watch.
Penthouse: Satin & Lace (1992)
Maybe in 1992
I won't lie and tell you I looked forward to 'Satin & Lace'. Directed by Andrew Blake (back when he still used his real name Paul Nevitt) left me worried. Before he'd carve out a niche doing classy hardcore porn, he'd cut his teeth first working for Playboy and then Penthouse. At best he'd make ladies look beautiful / elegant usually with stylish backdrops and flamboyant costumes, clothes. Big downside is when he wasn't held in check or didn't have a good editor, he'd deliver artsy scenes where female nudity takes a backseat. This is one of those times.
Standard montage intro plays up the feminine charms in slow & steady fashion with a brief female voiceover (2 mins). "The Huntress Diana, Ancient Greece" has the late future PotY winner, T&A babe Julie Strain and Pet Janine Lindemulder posed as Greek goddesses / warriors in the desert complete with fake stone pillars. Both look slamming hot, but it's way too short to get excited about (1.5 mins). "Morocco, 1925" finds three ladies in another vintage setup with the problem being 99% is shown in sepia tone and it moves too slowly (3 mins).
"Blondes in Black" is an improvement with Janine up first posing in black lingerie. Consider this an A+ with how she looks, some spicy closeups if not for bouncing between color and B&W. A second blonde gets thrown into the mix solo in lingerie too before both together and no more B&W rears it's ugly head (3.5 mins). "The Elevator" has two ladies (one Strain) in a glass see thru elevator who quickly get down to touching, lite girl/girl. Not much to dislike, but Julie has a much smaller level of focus (6 mins). "The Erotic Spirit" is lite story as a pretty Asian (Caroylyn Liu) looks around a home for sale and encounters a ghost (Pet Jisel aka Brandy Ledford). Good news is some likable shots of both solo or together. The bad? Setup takes way too much time (5.5 mins).
"Pop Art, 1969" is three ladies posing on a set with lite bondage themes via their costumes. A good shot or two, but over quick and more about style than nudity (2 mins). "The African Massai Queen" sees Janine in the wilderness as a photographer getting shots of a tribal lady which turns into a lite girl/girl near the end with touching and body paints (3.5 mins). "The Underground "Art" Film, 1966" is way too long of a title but keeping with it's theme bounces back and forth between full framed shots of the lady and those like you're watching film being processed. A second girl gets added at the very end and then it's over. Few good shots of the first lady are lost within a sea of trying too hard (2.5 mins).
"Medieval Chasity" doesn't waste time showing Julie Strain off with only a helmet on, but shots of her muff, boobs come quick and then it's over (1 min). "Blondes in White" is like the scene from earlier except the two blondes in lingerie are together right from the start and never get fully naked. Shots of their muff is all that's here (2 mins). "The Boudoir, France, 18th Century" is more vintage cosplay with two ladies but little nudity (1.5 mins).
"Valentine's Day, Hollywood, 1936" is yet another elaborate title & lite story. A lady (Pet Monique Gabrielle) & man dressed the vintage part has her get topless, felt up, shows off solo in a chair for his pleasure. A case in style over substance (3.5 mins). "Japan, 17th Century" has two Asian ladies done up as geishas in full blown white facial makeup. A nice shot or two, but you get the idea (1.5 mins). "The Viennese Artist, 1907" sees two ladies pose nude for a sketch. Luckily they don't stay still and end up touching & feeling each other. Some changes in clothes and good shots in the mix, but perhaps not as many as you'd like. Though two juicy spreads do come during it (4 mins). "Erotic Glamour: Carolyn" sees the Asian beauty from earlier return to pose in lingerie laying on a couch, on the floor or up against a wall. Perhaps the most back to back nudity of the whole video so far (1.5 mins).
"The Movie Set, Rome, 1960" has costumes you expect as ladies get felt up, but little nudity once again (2 mins). "The Future?" is Julie Strain with muscular men on leases, but very little nudity (1 min). "Blondes in Color" returns to them a third time and at least does the decent thing of showing them off topless immediately on a bed. "Color" seems to refer to their panties color which change once or twice, but never come off (1 min). "Lubricated Ladies" is the end which takes on attitude for style as Pets mount, dismount motorbikes as the sights go from color to B&W and the odd shot of kitty, boobs. Another spread here to mention, but otherwise a letdown (2.5 mins).
'Satin & Lace' isn't without decent moments, but there isn't enough of them. Fluff Blake was prone to deliver goes into overdrive. Style, atmosphere more important than nudity with a bunch of short segments. Perhaps he found himself in the right place doing hardcore. Full penetration to stop viewers from being bored.
Evil Toons (1992)
Cheap. Boring. Ugh.
Do you enjoy horror flicks more about T&A than actually scaring you? Do you like when the biggest named star(s) only appear for minutes as an easy paycheck? Good news you're in the right place with 'Evil Toons'. Beyond bouts of quick nudity this pic boasts the unique element of an animated creation for the baddie (cover). Then you get to watch and find out just how cheap and boring it is.
Four ladies (Monique Gabrielle, Suzanne Ager, Madison Stone and Barbara Dare) employees of a cleaning company ran by Burt (Dick Miller) are tasked with cleaning an old house for the weekend. Doing so they find ancient objects and Gideon (David Carradine) a Van Helsing-like character makes a delivery. Reading the spooky book he gives them unwillingly unleashes a demon who takes over one of the girls. Now it's a battle to stop the evil.
Silly and stupid intercut shots of Carradine sulking around the property to give you the impression he's actually in the movie. If he has more than five minutes of real screen time I'm shocked. A meathead bf and a pervy neighbor round out a small cast and complete the trifecta of bad acting. Oh yeah and lots of bad humor when you aren't bored to tears.
All the ladies boobs and a prolonged look at Madison's butt is the prize for wasting 80 mins of your life. A disjointed threadbare story, cheap and sparse animation and no the fleeting female nudity doesn't save 'Evil Toons'. Boring without charm which is right up schlock master Fred Olen Ray's alley. Carradine ripe in his dtv days slumming it. This isn't a good time I'm sorry to say.
Penthouse: Sexiest Amateur Video Centerfolds II (1996)
Still Pretty Solid
'Sexiest Amateur Video Centerfolds 2' stays true to it's theme, delivers mostly amateur ladies taking it off unlike the third and fourth titles in the series. However it must be said it doesn't reach the mile high mark found in the first Penthouse title. Things have slipped just a little. Few scenes, ladies miss the mark.
A bit longer than necessary montage intro (1.5 mins) before "Nicole". If she looks familiar that's because it's model Nikki Nova who says a few words before it flips to her getting naked in bed. The amateur title is definitely up for dispute, but what isn't is her killer body. Then it's back outdoors to strip from a top, jeans and again plenty of nice views, decent camera work (7 mins). "Jacqueline" a dirty blonde shows you her stuff as she strips from an orange dress. Plenty of nice views continue as she moves to a chair and in bed. Tons of spicy kitty, butt shots here (5.5 mins). "Sky" says some quick words then on a couch in all red - top, leggings, bra, panties - shows you her goods before it's her in white. Wraps with her completely naked in front of a fireplace and taking black lingerie off in a chair (6 mins).
"Alexandria" the third blonde in a row is quick to get wet & naked in a back yard via a garden hose. Then it's close-ups in a chair getting out from a bikini before a trip into a pool and posing (6 mins). "Monika" is another blonde with a foreign twist. Scores creative points for featuring her spinning around a red pole as she seamlessly changes clothes. A spicy look at her kitty / butt comes from behind, but real nudity is actually gonna follow on a couch. As she puts yogurt over her boobs, body suggestively before a strip from a green nightie in bed. No shortage of spicy shots, poses wraps it up nicely (6 mins).
"Michelle" is a brunette in and out of a blue dress near a windowsill initially. Then it retreats to the bed, but the pace / visuals take a dip in hotness here (6.5 mins). "Martina" another foreign beauty slips out of her dress on a couch. It's simple, but efficient and then a trip to the shower supplies a bunch of wet closeups (6.5 mins). "Celine" has her entire segment take place in the backwoods and doesn't fail when it comes to showing her off naked. However it didn't really excite, grab me (4.5 mins). "Candice" is shown off plenty naked on a couch and quickly, but the scene moves at a real slow pace. Stripping in a bright kitchen keeps the slow and steady pace, but is way better visually. Has more close-ups that you can shake a stick at (6 mins).
If you want ladies getting naked in home videos you can't go wrong choosing 'Sexiest Amateur Video Centerfolds 2' as a title. Not all of them are strictly amateurs per se, but the visuals are largely on point. Plus because it's Penthouse there's no ignoring the lower half of them or trying to stay classy like similar titles from Playboy.
Penthouse: Sexiest Amateur Video Centerfolds (1994)
Truly the "Girl Next Door"
Working my way thru this series backwards, I was shocked to find that Penthouse's 'Sexiest Amateur Video Centerfolds' is a really solid title. These are legit amateur ladies in well shot home videos that have no inhibitions about showing you the goods between their legs. If you're looking for the theme done right this is your meal ticket.
After a standard montage intro (1 min) it's blonde "Kista" who says a few brief words about herself before stripping in a living room. More brief words in between a move to the bedroom that has good camera work, many nice close-ups (7.5 mins). "Julie" another blonde wastes no time showing off her enhanced rack and lovely tan lines in the right places. Again many more close-ups and "key" shots make this a winner as she takes it off on a couch, pool table and in a sauna (7 mins). "Nikita" a lovely brunette switches things up taking it off indoors or at a pool. The camera work stays a bit too far away for my tastes and shaky cam is in effect, but there's no denying Nikita looks great and it's satisfying (7 mins).
"Yvette" says a few words then gets out of a red sweater, panties, bra on a couch. Many naughty shots / a focus almost right from the start on her kitty take things up a notch. The rest of her body is shown off nicely too and the same goes for later in bed, an outdoor jacuzzi (7 mins). "Victoria" with dyed bright red hair, a tattoo make her stand out. Of course plenty shots of her meaty vajayjay on the couch don't hurt. A transition to bed is standard but enjoyable (6 mins). "Alana" a pretty Filipino takes it off in bed and then gets out of a see thru body suit on a rooftop. The only thing holding it back is a slight nervousness in front of the camera (5.5 mins). "Kay" is a good looking brunette who gets out of sexy black bondage wear to begin. Then in a backyard she strips from a top, jeans and lastly her at the beach to close things out (6.5 mins).
Later sequels in the 'Sexiest Amateur Video Centerfolds' series turn into a collection of largely professional models which begs the point. Luckily the OG PH title starts things off on the right foot. Husbands, boyfriends or whoever shot them -- you did your ladies right. Playboy also ran with this concept, did a similar series, but the visuals here are superior.
Penthouse: The Great Pet Hunt - Part 2 (1993)
Major Improvement
Penthouse's 'Great Pet Hunt Part II' sticks with showcasing ladies in real strip clubs, but thankfully the sequel is miles better than the original. From the way it's shot to the quality of nude visuals this is what they should have been aiming for the first time. I'm still in disbelief about 'Part I', but this partly made up for it.
Intro is a standard clipshow (1.5 mins) before "Lisa Aiton" - Pet Aug 1988 - has an interview then a little build-up outside the actual club with patrons before taking it off on stage. Low lighting hurts visuals, but Lisa is enthusiast & interacts with a few men in the crowd (9 mins). "Dominique St. Croix" - Pet Apr 1986 - shows off her big hair as well as those big guns she picked up in the early 90's via a black bikini. Very nice and double that feeling during lovely close-ups (5.5 mins).
"Ashley Lauren" has the usual chat in a nurse costume which of course you then see her drop out of nicely on stage. What I wasn't 100% sure about with Dominique I can say here (there's no crowd). In any case her strip delivers where it counts (3.5 mins). The late "Leslie Glass" - Pet Feb 1992 - gets an extended interview while clips of her on stage are show (the crowd is back). Dressed as a sexy french maid the uniform comes off as she twirls around. A bit with her spraying whipped cream on her boobs and then feeding guys in the crowd is fun (7 mins).
"Amy Lynn" Baxter - Pet Jun 1990 - is dressed in a white bridal gown before lingerie underneath. Things kick into a higher gear as she pours oil over her boobs, body which is always a winner. I can tell you that her panties never come off, but her butt gets a ton of coverage (7.5 mins). "Theresa Presley" - Pet Apr 1991 - has the standard talk in a red polka dot dress that really shows off her cleavage. Then it comes off on stage (no crowd) and a nice shot of her butt as she pulls her panties down (4.5 mins). "Sandi Korn" - Pet Mar 1991 - works a pole (crowd again) ditching her leather jacket then mounts a motorbike on stage no doubt so you can admire her ass in those jean cutoffs she's wearing. It never goes full nude and it took longer than I'd like to reach topless, but there's a nice shot or two of her boobs in the mix (7.5 mins).
"Janine" Lindemulder - Pet Dec 1987 - turns up at a pool where before hitting the water she poses in a green bikini. You get to see her topless, but it's short, slow and kinda artsy. Follow-up of working out / hitting a bed loses control with video effects, but shows her better than before (5 mins). If I was questioning things before the appearance of "Darien" mounting a motorbike filled in the gaps. I'd seen both of these ladies scenes in 'Girls of Penthouse 2' title also released in 1993. The latter is largely a tease that goes topless near the end (4.5 mins). Don't know if they came up short for footage or extra was added on for DVD, but this signalled a drop-off point. "Theresa" returns for a quickie rolling in bed topless (1.5 mins). "Seana" Ryan - Pet Sept 1992 - is on a set meant to appear like a strip club stage. She looks slammin' but it's too short to really get excited about (1.5 mins).
It's not lost on me how visuals in 'Great Pet Hunt Part II' are lacking Penthouse's unique brand of lower body nudity and there's later parts that are too short or miss the target. Maybe I'm being too kind or the original title was so horrible that I'm enthusiastic they turned things around here.
Penthouse: The Great Pet Hunt - Part 1 (1992)
Wow ... So Bad
Penthouse's 'The Great Pet Hunt Part I' threw me for a loop right away with a bunch of dated visuals and a cheesy quote onscreen. Looking like the 80's, I was shocked to find it came out in 1992 shot entirely in Canadian and US strip clubs. Darkly lit scenes do it no favors and neither does staying pretty tame. This is a video with a respectable sounding title where the contents don't match up.
Intro a mix of horrible video effects, interview snippets and ladies on stage (4.5 mins). "Jenna Persaud" a dark skinned lady in a bomber jacket, bikini underneath is up first and here's the kicker. She's never shown nude (2.5 mins). "Vanity" I believe the late actress who battled substance abuse issues is up next. Very short in length, but at least is shown naked near the end (1 min). "Tasha and Tisha" are twin sisters in matching dresses, bra, thong panties, leggings. Fully nude by the end, but as far as camera work goes consider it topless only and not very hot (3.5 mins). "Tina Mounce" is shown briefly on the same stage, but majority has her posing on a motorcycle full nude by the end (2.5 mins).
'Vanessa Young' doesn't leave a ton to talk about although her boobs, butt get shown (1 min). "Sonni Shea" works out as she talks about a love of bodybuilding and nude on stage (1.5 mins). 'Christine' drops from her black dress and shown topless (2 mins). 'Courtney Cleavage' has an appropriate stage name, but posing onstage half in a seethru bathtub isn't super hot (1.5 mins). 'Sara Norton' has the same interview, voiceover as all of them, but takes too long to get naked (3.5 mins). 'Melissa Wolf and Vanna Lance' sees the first only topless near the end before the latter joins, but no more nudity from either of them. Consider this one large tease and waste of time (4 mins). 'Tera Heart' sees her butt in thong panties then quickly topless so you can't complain in that regard (2 mins).
'Shyla Fox' quickly shows boobs in close-up and then dressed she dances around the stage. Naked by the end again (3 mins). 'Leanna Chambers' on old fashioned roller-skates allows her butt in thong panties to be shown off nicely and they throw in footage of her skating in public. Back to the stage as she wraps the Canadian flag around her topless body (3 mins). 'Robin Brown' - Pet Apr 1992 - jiggles her bare breasts and the panties go as water gets added to the mix (2.5 mins). 'Dominique Simone' goes full nude in a locker room before a dress, panties comes off on stage. Then a quick moment of putting paint on herself & a shower setup on stage (3 mins).
'Jennifer Starr' sees the blonde strip down and talk per usual before crawling along the stage (2.5 mins). 'Glorianne' better known as Glori Anne Gilbert wastes no time showing off her killer rack in a seethru top or naked. Gets a bit messy via paint, water and then squeezing lotion on herself (2.5 mins). 'Blondeshell' has the lady in B&W then color stripping outside at a house before getting down to doing it inside near a fireplace. The most well shot, best look piece of the entire thing (4 mins). 'Theresa' Presley - Pet Apr 1991 - has an onscreen interview followed by a montage of footage. In bed, bathtub, kitchen, couch and lastly in a bar. It's not bad, but it's tacked on rather shamelessly coming from other PH titles I had already saw (6 mins).
'The Great Pet Hunt Part I' is one of Penthouse earliest titles that you should skip seeing for sure. There's not much more than needs to be said and I don't think this would have even cut it 1992. Really poor stuff and the title doesn't have anything to do as far as I can tell with what's going on inside.
Playboy: 50 Years of Playmates (2004)
History Lesson
'50 Years of Playmates' isn't really a comprehensive trip thru Playboy's ladies. At least not in the way you may be thinking, hoping. A relation that won't come as a shock to seasoned PB video viewers. You quickly find it's about the company, history and everything it has represented, stood for over time. You get naked ladies in snippets or pictorials throughout and there's no denying in a manner they're center stage, but it's largely yet another documentary. Recycling clips, doling out talking head interviews once again.
There's way too much here to unwind, talk about at length. The main presentation is well put together and flows well enough via a narrator. Celebrity faces, PB staff, Hef (of course) as the ladies get spoken to in modern interviews or vintage material. You can buy into the themes, a vibe (sometimes straight-up fluff) or not at all. There's no getting past a heavy use of self promotion rolls out towards the end just as there's no denying the magazine made a lasting impact on human history. However if you want a "legit" Playboy title this ain't it.
Sex Under Hot Lights: Adult Stars Before They Were Stars (2001)
Very Lightweight
Call it riding a wave or an attempt to cash in, but Playboy's 'Sex Under Hot Lights' is an inside peak into hardcore. Depending on what you already know / your tastes it might accomplish it's mission. However I didn't walk away having learnt anything new and the visuals weren't very titillating. Honestly I'm unclear how this censored look would appease anyone highly.
Intro tries to play up a level of glamour / allure for the young women who come in search of fame where some naturally find themselves in this biz, but it feels very phony (1.5 mins). Juli Ashton, Sid Deuce, Dallas & Jenna Jameson are the ladies featured here heavily as a barrage of samey clips, bts footage and interviews roll out. Soundbites from select others names both male & female from the industry too.
Sid starts things off talking about herself, the work and such (11.5 mins). Next comes easily the most famous / successful female pornstar of all time Jenna. It has a lot of talk from the lady herself then other's fond words, but also is in favor of fantasy / image (lies) rather than her true story (11 mins). A mild diversion follows as an amateur lady films her first hc scene is showcased (4.5 mins).
Dallas has the same formula - bts as movies, pics are shot, interviews - however a chat with her boyfriend stands out. He's more than cool with his lady being boned professionally for money. Acts as her assistant of sorts and actually watches getting turned on by it (7 mins). Juli wraps things up and right away zeros in on trying to dispel the notion that people within the industry are damaged, suffering from trauma or have broken pasts. Her work on set is shown and then self promotion follows per usual (15 mins).
'Sex Under Hot Lights' if it's doing it's job right is supposed to either get you turned on, tell you something you didn't already know or both. It struck out on all accounts for me. Maybe fans of the ladies here have something to gain, but you'd be better off watching an actual hardcore porno with them instead if that's your scene.
Felon (2008)
Prison Sucks. Animals be Animals.
'Felon' doesn't waste any time setting up it's main purpose. 10 minutes in and the ball is already rolling on the list of every legal system, prison and scumbag piece of truth turned movie cliche you've ever seen. If you tolerate the heavy dose of familiar ground, predictability there's still pieces to savior, some real emotions. Ultimately I thought director Ric Roman Waugh nailed the premise better in his second try 'Shot Caller'.
Wade (Stephen Dorff) is a man with everything that matters going for him. Runs a business on the verge of expanding, a young son and soon to be married to fiancé Laura (Marisol Nichols). That all takes a left turn when their house is robbed and he accidently kills the man. Due to technicalities it's ruled murder which gets him three years with a plea. Inside he quickly learns prison life, politics, color lines and the battle to not lose hope first hand and later from hardened cellmate John Smith (Val Kilmer) with a heavy rep. There's also the code by which guards lead by increasingly sadistic Lt. Jackson (Harold Perrineau) maintain order and respect.
Instead of continuing to beat on the tired story drum, I'll focus on more of the cast. First and foremost, I was happy to see Nichols not stuck with a one note female role. Her pain, anguish, sadness & anger feel real and it gets fleshed out. It was also refreshing to see Nick Chinlund (X Files, Training Day) do another good guy in Sgt. Roberts. The late Johnny Lewis (Sons of Anarchy), Sam Sheppard pop up along with Anne Archer as do Mark Sivertsen, Chris Browning who'd go on to have roles later in 'Shot Caller'.
Supposed to be a hard hitting piece not one moment within 'Felon' felt fresh. Main trio - Dorff, Kilmer, Perrineau - turn in good work and while they might be built on real human nature, psychology all is familiar to anyone already versed in this cinematic world. It trucks along decently however until the last act, ending which feels more than a little fake, forced and all too convenient. Ultimately to get max enjoyment this tale has to be new to you and you gotta cut it some slack. Unfortunately that leaves viewers like me with not much to rave about.