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mdamien13
Reviews
Hillside Cannibals (2006)
Zzzzzz
It's tough to criticize this movie because really I knew what I was getting into with the lame cover art and the complete lack of a description on the back (the back of the DVD case is just a retelling of the Sawney Bean clan). Still, I was hoping for either something that was so bad it was funny or at least so bad it was amusing.
Instead, this is just so bad it's tedious. It's not a bad looking movie like most of the other shot-on-video productions that go straight to video, and there are some decent gore effects here or there, but the whole time it feels like the cast and crew are just sleepwalking through the thing for a paycheck. There's not a scent of originality here whatsoever - the whole plot was lifted from the original "The Hills Have Eyes", only without the fleshed out characters or compelling antagonists. Speaking of the antagonists - what the heck are a bunch of kilt wearing cave people doing in the mountains of California? Did I miss that explanation? Did I miss the explanation of why they behave like a high school production of The Flinstones? Yawn.
The only redeeming thing about this movie was trying to guess whether or not the lead actress was wearing a wig or not. I vote for yes. Either that or she should never work with her stylist from this flick ever again.
Congratulations, Asylum, you have suckered me once, but this is the last time I am using my hard-earned cash on one of your cop out excuses for cinema.
Skarecrow (2004)
Seriously, what did I just watch?
It used to be that video distributors like Sub Rosa and Brain Damage Films would release low-budget, shot-on-video horror films to a select market of gorehounds that ate them up with glee. That's acceptable to me, because you could see these movies from a mile away with their shoddy box art and cheesy titles.
Now we have Lions Gate getting into the mix, only they have decided that it'd be better to sucker in poor saps by putting a "professional" looking cover on it and charge the same price as one of their higher-budget, professionally made features. Do not be suckered in by this! Granted, if you've seen Dark Harvest 1 or 2 than you already know what to expect with 3 but there is a place for movies like this and it is not on a video store shelf beside professionally-made features.
I am a fan of independent cinema and have watched several low budget, shot-on-video productions that were still a worthy rental but this was one of the worst movies I have ever seen. The "acting" (if you can call it that) was abysmal. It was amusing to laugh at the horrible line reading for a minute or two, but eventually it was too much to take and became unbearable. The story is bad, the dialogue is worse, the acting somehow manages to be even worse. The only possible saving grace to this would be one disemboweling scene that still manages to be awful but is an award winning effect when compared to the blood splatters after a girl is slapped or the mannequin decapitation.
It took me three tries to make it through this entire movie and I only did so because I paid good money to rent it and felt like I should at least finish it all the way through. Stay away - stay far, far away from this one.
Hood of the Living Dead (2005)
Terrible
This movie is yet another in the long line of no budget, no effort, no talent movies shot on video and given a slick cover to dupe unsuspecting renters at the video store.
If you want to know what watching this movie is like, grab a video camera and some red food dye and film yourself and your friends wandering around the neighborhood at night growling and "attacking" people. Congratulations, you've just made "Hood of the Living Dead"! Now see if a distribution company will buy it from you.
I have seen some low budget, shot on video films that displayed talent from the filmmakers and actors or at the very least effort, but this has neither. Avoid unless you are a true masochist or are amused by poorly made horror movies.
Tremors 4: The Legend Begins (2004)
Worthy sequel!
I think everybody is in agreement that the first one in the series is one of the best monster movies to grace the silver screen in years. The sequels begin to split people on their decisions. Were they necessary? Maybe not, but at least they were handled with tongue planted firmly in cheek and tried to have fun. And that's what this series is all about - fun. I know I'm one of the few who dug the sequels and series so keep that in mind for my thoughts on the latest sequel.
Now that they've covered the mutation of the creatures from Graboids to Shriekers to Assblasters, the producers take us back in time to show the graboids we know and love attacking the original residents of Perfection (back then named Rejection), and how Burt Gummers great grandfather Hyram Gummer had to save the day.
The beginning of the film plods along with no good look at the graboids and few kills. About thirty minutes into it we get to see the latest incarnation of the graboids (it makes sense). If you've made it up to this point, the film picks up and becomes a Tremors movie. A gunslinger is hired to help out, and the first encounters with graboids occur. The film's climax is an awesome showdown involving an arsenal of the Old West's most powerful weaponry and a steam engine.
What makes the film work is its humor and characters. It's a nice nod to the fans to see the beginnings of the town of Perfection and the families stake their claim. Michael Gross is excellent as Hyram (a snooty aristocrat from Philadelphia) and his supporting cast is solid (even Billy Drago, doing his best Jack Palance impersonation). I'd say this is the best of the sequels and worth a rent.
Ôdishon (1999)
One of the most engaging films I've ever seen
Give Takashi Miike his due. Like him or hate him, he gets your attention and you can't look away.
What he has done with Audition is create a horror film that surpasses most of its American counterparts because it does something many fail to do - it creates characters we care about. The characters in this film, the antagonists as well as the protagonists, are lonely people and we feel for them. We become fascinated with their stories and honestly cheer for them to find happiness together. When the movie takes its inevitable turn towards brutal horror we find the events happening to people that the audience has emphasized with - that's what makes the brutal occurences much more gruesome than those happening to one dimensional characters in other films.
Much like the characters, the movie itself is very hard to generalize. While many have written it off as exploitation, I think that's selling this film short. It's a true work of art, and like all works it will have a different impression on each viewer. Personally, I'm very happy that this film has been released to American audiences. If you liked this I highly encourage viewing other works of Takashi Miike.
Silo Killer (2002)
I liked it
I don't see that hate for this movie I've read from other reviewers. This film had more going for it than most direct to video stinkers I've rented.
The camerawork was very impressive, and the actors did a very good job (especially when you consider that most were probably friends of the filmmakers). Nice amount of gore, and good work was done on the special effects.
My only complaints were that a.) the sunlight really bleached some of the shots that took place during the day, and b.) the showdown w/ the Silo Killer towards the end felt a bit anticlimactic. This was saved by the very cool epilogue delving more into the character of the "mad dog killer". Nice work.
Night of the Creeps (1986)
Detective. Thrill me!
A very pleasant mix of sci-fi, horror, and comedy. This movie stands out as a gem amongst 80's horror. The characters were all deeper than the typical "spam" characters of horror films. Tom Atkins brought some real depth to his role, especially. His character brings a sort of legitimacy to the otherwise drive-in throwback plot. If only his backstory had been more fully utilized this would have been an even better film. As it is, the action and special effects are better than even some modern-day horror pulp. Although this is a very funny movie, it also has some genuine thrills - pun intended - in it (the audiotape goodbye is still one of the creepier things ever put on celluloid). Jill Whitlow is very easy on the eyes and not a bad actress in her right, although unfortunately most of the young actors' performances fall flat. Despite this, the movie is a definite B-classic and deserves a DVD with both endings.
Apocalypse Soon: The Making of 'Citizen Toxie' (2002)
So you want to be a filmmaker, huh?
You think it's easy to make a low budget film? Watch this documentary. Almost as good as the film it's a companion to, this making-of can be watched and appreciated on its own as well. The trials and tribulations experienced by everyone is at the same time hilarious and devastating. Nobody pulls any punches despite the presence of a documentary crew. Troma movies are silly, raunchy, and a lot of fun, but "Apocalypse Soon" takes you behind the scenes to show this is first and foremost a business. Anybody who thinks that independent filmmaking is easy needs to watch this. 5/5.
Zero (2001)
Simply put, the scariest video game ever!
Those who don't think a video game could scare them need to sit through a battle with "Eyeless" in this game.
The game says "based on a true story" on the cover but don't buy that. There's a real house in Japan that's said to be haunted and that's about it. The game, however, has a very inventive plot that keeps you guessing as the pieces begin to fall together. The graphics are excellent and the sound effects are beautiful.
Rent this game and play it with the volume turned way up and the lights turned off. It will blow you away.
After Death (Oltre la morte) (1989)
Wow, this is a bad movie!
As somebody else put it, it's good for all the wrong reasons.
Just when you thought they'd reached the pits of bad filmmaking in Zombi 3 this "sequel" comes along and completely outdoes it. When an adult film star acts circles around the rest of the cast you know you're in for a good time.
Plot? We don' need no steenking plot! I think it has something to do with zombie ninjas but I could be wrong. There's a girl that's supposed to have been seen in a flashback that is instantly confusing because it appears to be happening at the same time as everything else. What matters is people encounter zombies, people decide to sleep in a house constructed of balsa wood despite being under attack by said zombies, and then zombies proceed to leap out of nowhere and kill them (that's right, zombies continue to jump around, as they did in Zombi 3).
While this doesn't have the same laugh out loud cheese as part 3, it still makes for a good MST3K time. Be on the lookout for a cackling zombie who suddenly decides to stop laughing and walk away. Watch as one burst of gunfire drops a whole roomful of zombies. Watch the most powerful hand grenade ever destroy a large house. Classic.
Props here are awesome! The book of the dead itself evokes a laugh (somebody forgot to write "the" on the cover!).
Rent, knowing what you're getting into.
Shatter Dead (1994)
Prepare to be physically challenged!
I've owned this movie for the last few months and I've been trying to decide over and over again how I feel about it. I guess now I can only say that this movie intrigues me. On one hand, it's shot on video and has what is quite possibly the worst acting I've ever seen (Stark Raven's performance will make fans of pornography blush). The special effects are for the most part crude and ineffective. The zombie makeup is horrendous. Costumes look like they were purchased at Disco Stu's garage sale.
Yet at the same time this movie has a very cool idea fueling it all. When I describe the film's story and some moments in it, people are usually interested. It's not until they view the film and witness the lousy execution of said idea that they wonder why I own the movie. As somebody else said, the film gets an "A" for effort in that every once in a while a shot comes along in the film that really gets your attention (the shot used for the cover art is very, very good). Parts of the story are thought-provoking and honestly engaging. Unfortunately, these are countered with some bad lighting/direction and fairly brutal dialogue (although "Prepare to be physically challenged!" will remain one of my favorites for all time).
I would recommend the DVD to any aspiring independent filmmakers. The commentaries are very useful if you want tips on shooting your own movie and also will advise you on some of the obstacles you can expect to encounter. Scooter McCrae is quick to make fun of himself, which helps you appreciate the movie a bit more.
I bought the DVD cause I'd ready some great reviews on it in prestigious horror magazines. This is not a great movie - those of you watching it expecting one will be very disappointed. It is, however, also not a horrible one. I think everybody should watch it and form their own opinion of it. My own is this; great idea, flawed execution, but worth watching.
Zombi 3 (1988)
Feel like killing a few brain cells?
My friends and I rented this movie w/ the sole intention of laughing, so I guess I'm one of the few who saw it that weren't upset. You had to know from looking at the box that it'd be bad.
But no box anywhere can explain the depths of camp this film has reached.
The acting here is enough to make you cringe. The writing is awful, but the actors do not turn it into anything remotely resembling coherence. Whoever played the head doctor was truly horrible. The soldiers (why are they soldiers? Cause they're wearing green, of course!), none of whom knows what a military regulation haircut means, are pretty useless. From one scene to another zombies chase after the humans, then screech to a halt and stumble along. Zombies moan and groan, then utter complete sentences. Bullets work, then they don't.
I have to share one scene in particular (MILD SPOILER). To introduce the soldiers, they're shown partying in their jeep to some very bad synth pop via a small boombox. They seem to be having a good time and commenting on how good the music is. One soldier thinks it's so good, he says (I'm not making this up) "This music's making me so horny, man!". Classic.
This movie should have been called Attack of the Jumping Zombies, cause it seems like everytime the zombies attack they're jumping at their prey. Rent this with some friends and prepare to kill some brain cells. Can Zombi 4 be any worse?
Boca a boca (1995)
Fantastic!
Boca a Boca is one of those rare films that is able to satisfy the viewer on all fronts. Film buffs will be amused with its satire of Hollywood. The film follows an aspiring actor who is forced to take a job as a phone-sex operator. From there the movie becomes a mystery/romance/comedy that will leave audiences satisfied. 10/10, I highly recommend this film!
El maestro de esgrima (1992)
A beautiful film
The Fencing Master, as it's known in America, is a visually stunning and intellectually stimulating film. The costume and set designers did a wonderful job creating the atmosphere of aristocratic Spain shortly before the 1868 revolution. The director does an excellent job in capturing the dance of the fencing master and his lovely student, fully conveying the romantic meaning to the audience. The writers do an admirable job of luring the audience into a poignant tale of infatuation by an aging master of a dying art and the youthful mistress who invigorates him. Once they have the audience's attention the film pulls them in even further by unravelling the web of deceit that has held the story together, building to a suspenseful finale that will leave the viewer astonished and fulfilled. I highly recommend this to everybody. 9/10
The Doom Generation (1995)
Boring and pretentious
Ugh, this is the worst movie I have ever seen. It's not deep or stylistic, and what's worse it that it's the most uninteresting thing ever made. There's supposed to be a deeper meaning behind the thin and contrived plotline to think about - if you can sit through the entire movie. This one barely gets a 1/10.
Valentina (1982)
Where's the ending?
Valentina is a film that touches the heart without degenerating into a sappy melodrama. It follows a free-spirited rascal growing up in Spain who falls in love with Valentina, a daughter in a family that's friends with his. The actors who portray these two children do an excellent job, as does Anthony Quinn as the priest who is seemingly the only adult who can communicate with the young boy. Betancor does an excellent job in capturing the innocence of youth and the purity of childhood infatuations. The only problem I have with it is that it ends very abruptly when a more suitable ending would have made this a perfect film. Despite the abrupt ending, this is one of the best films I've watched and I highly recommend it to everybody.
Vivre sa vie: Film en douze tableaux (1962)
One of the best movies ever
The French New Wave remains one of the finest movements in film history. Jean-Luc Godard was one of the most innovative filmmakers to emerge from this movement, and Vivre sa vie is one of the best films ever. Long before the Hong Kong cinema proved substance could be downplayed with style, Godard was doing it. The film's plot follows a woman's descent into prostitution, but the story isn't what people will talk about after viewing the film. Godard breaks every Hollywood rule and pulls it off nicely.
If you want to see the conventions of Hollywood broken and a true auteur at work, rent Vivre sa vie.