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brakson
Reviews
Robo Vampire (1988)
hands down, the worst movie ever
I've seen a lot of bad movies in my day, and i'm pretty sure this takes the cake...
wow, where to start on this movie. first, shame on many of you for voting 10 on this movie, it may be fun to watch because its so bad, but i think it belongs as #1 on the bottom 100 spot, it deserves nothing more than a 1 on the list. I'm pretty tired of movies that truly belong on the bottom of the list not getting there because they were not on MST3K. At first before i watched this movie, i stuck to my story that the worst movie that i had seen so far was the Nail gun massacre (and yes, that movie is quite bad) , and i'm going to have to say this blew that movie away. First as we see on the cover a picture that is clearly robocop (i'm not sure how magnum video got away with this blatant copy write infringement) putting a vampire in a headlock, so i put this garbage into the vcr, and now im here writing a review for the movie. The problem being, i don't know what to say, the movie had absolutely no plot, and people throw that phrase around a lot, but this movie doesn't, no plot at all.
(i guess this contains spoilers, oh well i guess im spoiling what little of a plot the worst movie ever has)
(back of the box) "Narcotics agent Tom Wilde is given a second chance at life after being shot and killed. In a futuristic experiment, agent Wilde is returned to life as an Android robot. He is sent on a very dangerous mission into the depths of the Golden triangle to rescue Sophie, a beautiful undercover agent who has been captured by the evil drug warlord Mr.. young and his inhuman creation the vampire beast. In a climactic battle, tom must use all of his robotic powers to defeat the savage drug lord and his monstrous blood sucking creation"
YES, THE COMPANY THAT MADE THE MOVIE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW THE PLOT.
1. tom wilde isn't shot to death, he is killed by a vampire
2. sophie and tom, (robo warrior) are never on the screen at the same time, EVER. which ill also back up some of the reviewers when they say that this movie is two movies spliced together, its just two different things going on at the same time that never meet except for about 10 minutes.
other than this, i cant really go through the non-existent plot, can i? here are a few nice tidbits from the movie though
1. The lead vampire wears a Halloween store grade monkey mask and CLEARLY shoots bottle rockets out of his hands
2. some scenes have up to 5-10 bad edits, especially fight scenes. and look as if they were done with 2 vcr's
3. robo warriors suit looks like tin foil, he in no way looks like robocop
4. the evil drug dealers use chinese water torture on the anti drug agents but LET'S THEM MOVE THEIR HEADS FREELY WHILE WATER DRIPS ON THEM.
5. a woman pokes out a man's eyes with the three stooges two finger eye poke
6. the fight between robo warrior and the vampires for no reason what so ever moves from the jungle (where more than 99% of the movie is based) to some some city in a fraction of a second.
and many more, i beg...i plead with you to give this movie a 1 and a 1 only. lets put this movie where it belongs! at the bottom of the list!!!
The Crimson Ghost (1946)
an old gem
very good serial. a lot of suspense and (for the time, hey, even now they will hold up) fast paced fight scenes, and a fast paced story. Buy this serial (but try to find your copy in black and white) and have fun with this classic.
Lik wong (1991)
pure chaos....a gift from above
i would like to write an in depth report for this movie...but i can't. this movie is too great for words. please take my advice, do what i did. after reading other peoples reviews on this movie i went and bought it at the local store. I thought "the people must be exaggerating about this movie, it will probably be good but not that great." i was wrong. VERY wrong. at the end of this piece of chaos, my face was sore from laughing, i had lost my voice and it felt like i was about to die. covered in cuts and blood, this movie is filled with the silliest things you will ever see in your life as riki punches, breaks, slams, and basically destroys human bodies in ways you cant even imagine. this movie is filled with buckets of blood and laughter. i am very critical about movies, and this is by far the greatest movie i have ever seen. believe me, im no B movie god or anything of that sort. my favorite movies rank among Shawshank redemption, American beauty.... you get the picture, basically nice dramas with good acting. in terms of acting, plot, etc. this movie isn't a Oscar winner. but it goes beyond my all time favorite movies in a different way. If you hate B- slasher, boring as can be flicks, you have no need to worry. This movie is beyond that. it is never boring, its non stop comedy for 90 minutes This is a cheesy piece of art, and now my ALL TIME favorite movie. it soared above my expectations like a bird....and that bird is covered in blood. 10 out of 10