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Reviews
Crawlspace (1972)
Middle class meddling
A wonderful analysis of how two doing gooding, middle aged, and middle class people decide to help a troubled young man. It is timely ultimately, it shows how troubled teens in the 70s responded to more traditional attitudes of the time.
The plot is fairly simple, a husband and wife adopt a troubled young man who is living in their crawlspace ( why wouldn't you?). This would only work if it is believable, and it truly is when you realise the couple are childless, and immensely lonely.
The couple slowly begin to show love towards Richard, which he repays in kind. However, much is taken for granted, like having the ability to read or socialise with others. Unfortunately, Richard can do neither, and this ultimately has terrible consequences.
It stays together for much of the film, until the couple decide that this is no longer convenient for them. Instead, they intend to turf him out. This is less believable, but leads to a terrifying and terrible ending. Altruism us misplaced, particularly when you're dealing with a cobra.
Fainaru fantajî VII (1997)
Final fantasy
A wonderful, beautiful, and awe inspiring game. This did for RPG's what Superman The Movie did for superhero movies. It is a watershed moment, and marked the first time many gamers were exposed to Japanese gaming industry.
The story telling is wonderful, has superb pace, memorable characters, and some of the most amazing music you'll ever have the joy of listening too.
As a young man, having been through a lot of trauma, I found solace in this game. It will remain my favourite game, and one I spent many an hour playing, laughing, crying, and griding to up my level. The only game to ever comes close to this for me is RD2, but this remains my favourite bar none.
I'm now 42 years old, I still have a love of video games and the escapism they provide. But to be able to play this for the first time again would be a wonderful experience.
The Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power (2022)
Enjoyable while it lasts
The Rings of Power is faithful to Tolken's universe and a welcome addition to the Lord of the Rings.
I have watched the first season and really enjoyed the setting, and story they are trying to tell. Whether they will make it to season 5 is anyone's business, but while it lasts, it is a decent show.
As a gamer, and someone who adores RPG's I really enjoy the viewing. It reminds me of a high fantasy where there is no grey area. It is good verse evil.
The creators of the show love the source material. However, perhaps lesser characters, and a clear focus on these would have been better. Unfortunately, trying to remember all the characters, there goals, or story is a incumberance to the show. The original movies got this spot on, a core group of characters, and a superb story to boot. But this show leans to much on other shows such as GOT.
Perhaps a refined approach to story telling would have brought a better audience. Sometimes, less is more.
Aftershock (2012)
Where's Charlton Heston?
It's darkly comic take on an earthquake which takes place an underground nightclub and proceeds onto the streets.
The script is daft, the characters are one-dimensonal, and the script is horrific, but it has a certain charm.
Despite all of this, I was entertained, and I didn't expect to be. Don't take it seriously, disengage your brain and you'll be fine.
The set pieces are worth the admission fee, watching individuals getting squashed, cut in half, set on fire, and electrocuted is done very well. There's one touching moment where one brother mourns another, but it's kept to a minimum. We came here for the quake, and it is done particularly well in places.
It shows human nature at its most basic, individuals fighting for survival in a disaster. It is every man for himself in this pic, and I expect that would be the case in real life.
Flash Gordon (1980)
Flash Gordon
It's a campy 80's classic with a daft storyline. However, it is such a great movie. This film is now 44 years old and still stands the test of time, particularly as it has been restored in 4K.
Queen provide the music and it couldn't be better. We all know the theme tune, but it is such as great soundtrack that you're left wondering why they didn't do more soundtracks.
There are some great performance from Dalton, Blessed, Jones, and Max Von Sydow ( who looks to be having far too much fun as Ming).
This is what sci-fi movie should be. Great costumes, cheesy story, superb ost, and a wonderful sets. If you're never seen it, I would suggest you watch the Studio Canal version on Prime as it is fully restored.
Chernobyl Diaries (2012)
Almost beige in execution
We have a group of tourists who decide it is a great idea to investigate Chernobyl, because we all know that's a great idea. From that point it is essentially a play-by-play horror movie.
After losing their tour guide they then decide to split into two groups ( in horror movies, we all know this ends well). Unfortunately, half of the group are attacked by an unseen enemy, whilst the other group attempt to find them.
It's poorly executed movie, not sure what it wants to be. Are you a found footage movie, or something else? Even worse is the non-existent plot and character development. You could literally replace two or three of them with cardboard cut outs and you wouldn't know the difference.
However, there are some smart scenes that do keep you on the edge of your seat. A chase by a bear, dogs, and fumbling around in the dark is particularly satisfying.
It's worth a watch, but only if you've exhausted your supply of horror movies.
When Time Ran Out... (1980)
Towering Volcano
This movie has not aged well. It is a ridiculous story about a volcano erupting. There's no feasible way that this would ever happen. However, it is worth a watch if you've got a few hours to spare and you have exhausted your disaster movie list.
The story is basic, a volcano erupts, and will destroy most of a Pacific island, and the poor inhabitants. Basically, is voyeur disaster deaths. People on fire, dropping down the crater, and exploding in a helicopter.
However, it doesn't make you care about anyone, I was more concerned by the rooster, than the people. They come across as rich, entitled snobs, who will try anything to survive.
There's a bit of drama here, but we came for the volcano.
Arcadian (2024)
They're under the floor
I'm going to echo a number of other reviews I've read. This could have been a gem, but the world building, or lack of, and the lack of narrative makes me wonder if more time should have been placed into the aforementioned things.
The film could be compared to things such as 28 Years Later, or The Last Man on Earth, but where those films were a success, this seems so light on telling a story. Almost as if the story is some deep rooted secret, and only the cast know it.
The premise of the movie involves nocturnal creatures, who want to destroy human kind. That is it, I couldn't actually tell you anything more interesting about the story. It feels disjointed, and lacks any other themes or subcontext. Oh, and there's a dog. He or she doesn't die.
I wanted to like this, but it lacks any real intent other than survival.
No One Will Save You (2023)
Superb analysis of bystander behaviour
Hats off to Dever who captivates from start to finish. She plays an isolated young lady who lives alone. The character is clearly vulnerable, which makes the chase scenes even more thrilling. There's a real feel of Strawdogs to the movie, and I was rooting for her when she's defending her property.
It is no mean feat to say that Dever captivates and stuns in her lone role.
The film is particularly scary in normal situations. Like riding a bus, or attempting to get help from people who would normal provide aid.
At its core the film analyses whether anyone would help a vulnerable, isolated young lady. Like Kitty Genovase in 1969, it highlights the truth that we are much less likely to be helped when other people are around.
Special mention to the soundtrack, wjich os immense and adds to the experience.
Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny (2023)
What did I just watch?
Take the other 3 ( not you, Crystal Skull) Indiana Jones movies, mix it up, take the fun put, add some random stuff, and mix in some turd and you're left with this. What a mess!
As the credit roll, I'm so confused. What did I watch? Why are there Nazis when the Romans are invading Scilly? What on earth is this nonsense? Not since the final Twilight movie has anyone been on a trip like this.
Whilst I admit that there are some interesting ideas, ( with a small i) it feels so ridiculous. Like someone wanted to make an Indy movie, got the actors, but forgot the essential ingredients. It feels so dull, and poorly constructed that the study executives must have been sweating watching this ( I.e. What do we tell Micky?)
Disney, whilst you may be all consuming tyrant, I beg you not to ruin our childhood.
The Flash (2023)
CGI done on Windows2000
Kearon and Calle carry this movie. In fact, Calle is great in her role as Supergirl. But she's simply not given enough screen time. Instead, we are lumbered with Ezra Miller's interpretation of The Flash.
The plot ( even for a superhero movie) is waffer thin. We do not get introduced to the primary antagonist until the films final scenes, and even then it's poorly done.
The whole Zod storyline seems really lazy. We been here, you've told us this story once. Why do we need it again? The weakest part of this movie is when we are introduced to Barry's room mates. I was left wondered why are these people here? Who are you? And why do you matter?
Like so many DC movies they want to tell a story with so many characters that it is poorly done and a complete waste of money and time.
Also, the CGI is some of the worst I've ever seen in any film. Compared to this, Star Trek the Wrath of Khan (1982) is exceptional.
The Blob (1988)
Beware the Blob
Darkly comedic horror with gruesome scenes. This is underrated, but well worth your time. It's not as well known as other horror movies made in the 80s, but is well made, and the special effects are done superbly well.
There are some nasty scenes, and you're never sure who will live or survive.
The humour is dark throughout, and whilst some scenes are not designed to get a laugh, they're still immensely funny.
It reminds me of Gremlins, and is very similar with it's tone. Whilst nowhere near as good, it still holds its own against other films of the period.
Unfortunately, it is hard to get hold of in the UK and is rarely shown on TV.
The Boys (2019)
Superb satire
I've recently re-watched all episodes of The Boys and I find the entire show superb from start to finish.
On the surface this is just another superhero show. However, when you start to pull back the layers it is so much more.
Homelander is the leader of the 7 and also a victim of years of abuse at the hands of Vought. There's also Queen Meave, A-Train, and the Deep, plus a whole range of other supes. Each has there own story, but most importantly they're also victims.
The Boys are a group designed to counter The Seven. My favourite being M. M who gets most of the best lines and gags during the 4 seasons. I've also got a massive soft spot for Frenchie and his sweetheart Kimiko.
The show is about the impact of choices, abuse, and ultimately forgiveness. Whilst I do enjoy the Hughie story lines, it does take a bit of patience as he comes across as weak and naive. Whilst Butcher is the 'Call me Ismael,' of the show. A man haunted by his past, his father's treatment of him, and a desire to destroy his Moby Dick (Homelander).
The Boys may be a supe show, but at its heart are human people struggling with loss, grief, abuse, anger, resentment, and mental health. There's some stellar performances throughout and it's definitely not to be misses.
Vermines (2023)
A tangled web
This is what a horror movie about spiders should be like. For the first hour or so everything works, it feels well put together, and the soundtrack only compliments this.
The spiders are well done, and there is some genuinely frightening jump scares.
It entire production takes place in a apartment block in Paris. It feels isolated, dark, grim, and poverty stricken. At times, it felt like the same isolation one would get watching the the first Alien movie.
However, whilst the movie is well made, the third act is difficult to take seriously. Sometimes less is more in this context. People in an apartment block fighting for their very lives was interesting, until it became silly and cartoonist.
That being said, the first hour is the best bit of horror you're likely to see this year.
Wrong Turn (2021)
Average at best
The first half of the movie starts well but is sound degenerates into mediocre survival horror which we've all seen before.
The start is something which is remeisant of this type of genre, with six friends embarking on a trip to a wooded mountain range in Virginia. However, he's where the stupidity becomes remarkable, with all six characters demonstrating little intelligence. For example:
They journey to find a remote civil war fort with no map
There mobile phones are useless despite losing one of their best friend's
They attack before asking questions
They allow one of their friend's to have his eyes burnt out before suggesting they can be helpful- obviously sucks to be you mate.
The antagonists have a trial for murder, but seemingly break their own rules by executing one of the interesting characters
Typically, two characters remain and one decides to give up his life outside...what no toilet paper, running water, and to top it off the tribal leader has just stolen your girlfriend?
Guys, how about we sit and think a little before we write a script?
Bite (2015)
Poor man's Fly
Regrettably this film clearly didn't see 1986's The Fly or they'd never have made this movie. It has little to say of any consequence and has a ridiculous plot.
The movie starts with three young lady's on holiday in some exotic resort. Needless to say this is where my distaste began for all of the characters. They're not real people, and clearly we're meant to believe that they support their lifestyle through the work of their parents. More than that, the whole film is set in an apartment block where the smell would have been overpowering due to the state of the apartment and rotten corpses that stagnant in the bath like this film's script. Should we really think that not one of the tenants would ring the police?
The lady who is bitten clearly is not the sharpest tool in the draw because she rings the emergency services to address her bite. But that's it, surely someone who is so self obsessed with her looks would go and see a doctor?
We're left with a empty husk of a film, a dreadful narrative of no consequence or message. Other than don't get bitten when you're on holdiay- well, thanks for that.
Terrifier 2 (2022)
Gorefest
Art the Clown returns and causes havoc on two unsuspecting teens and their family. Enjoyable whilst it remains interesting, and benefits from a bigger budget than the original. Expect to see Terrifier 3, 4, 5...and so on.
The gore is taken to a new level but I am undecided whether this is a horror movie or more of a black comedy. It's certainly dark, and retains a lot of jump scares, but there's points where I laughed and other scenes which are downright disgusting.
One aspect which helps the movie is the introduction of the 'Pale Little Girl,' who is only seen by Art and the two protagonists. She adds to the creepy nature of Art and adds to his character. He's a supernatural being and destroys those that he targets.
I enjoyed the two heroes of the story, Sienna more so than Jonathan. They vulnerable young adults being chases by a demonic creature.
I hope the producers of the movie decide to leave it at Terrifier 3 but somehow I very much doubt it.
If you watch the movie till the end you'll catch a quick cameo from AEW's Chris Jericho. Apparently he was sick after shooting his scenes. Didn't you read the entire script Chris?
007: Road to a Million (2023)
What do people expect? Exploring teddy bearss
A good reality TV show, but you really need to know your Bond to find the links with the movies. For example, Drax is mentioned in one episode, and the iconic cable cars are shown from Moonraker. Also referenced is Live and Let Die, Octopussy, Dr No, and On Her Majesty's Secret Service.
The contestants are interesting and in no way appear shallow or spolit. They're ordinary people trying to make money on a very difficult game show.
Brain Cox does a great job at playing the 'villian,' and he keeps the show going. However, the challenges often appear harsh for some, and a little easier for others.
I enjoyed this show, but you've got to know your Bond. The contestants don't really know there Bond so as viewers you're almost left to infer the links.
The Reckoning (2023)
Horrific
Coogan is amazing as Savile, and I often thought I was watching the show on Netflix. He steals the show from start to finish with his portrayal and offers no excuses for JS's predatory behaviour.
The supporting cast is brilliant, with Gemma Jones playing his mother. She clearly knows that her son is different and in one scene states that 'he's old enough to be their father.'. However, she is dragged into JS's web of deceit and lies.
Hiding in plain sight is an excuse. People knew, particularly at the BBC. In one scene we are shown a picture of JS with his hand on the bottom of a young lady who he later abuses. People knew what was going and did nothing to stop the abuse.
Why is it horrific? The abuse scenes are never shown, and this is implied. However, it is the eye witness accounts which are so painful to watch. These poor people were never heard and will never get the justice they deserve. It is sickening to think that this man has an OBE and was allowed to get away with the most heinous of crimes. In fact, organisations like the BBC allowed a steady stream of young ladies to be groomed, abused, and have their lives ruined by a sadistic, vile, and truly devil of a man.
Coogan nails his interpretation of this man, but it is certainly not an easy watch.
Knock at the Cabin (2023)
Knock at the average cabin
Bang average, with some good performances from Bautista, Geoff and Aldridge.
However, the film's struggles with the content from start to finish. There's no plot other than the apocalypse is coming and you're the only people who can say the world. But why? Why now?
The two central characters are both homosexual and the film goes to great lengths to show the discrimination that they face. However, this is never really explored in any sort of depth, nor is there any sort of satisfying conclusion. We know that society is still struggles with homophobia, and a lack of inclusivity, but these issues are only glanced over.
If you want to do a film about the end of the world at least do it justice. Or at the very least show the prejudice and discrimination faced by the LGBTQ plus in a meaningful way.
The Lost Boys (1987)
I still believe
A great movie horror/ adventure movie which I think has got better with age.
The film needs no introduction and puts later teen vamp flicks to shame ( Twilight- we're talking about you). There's some great performances, and even though it's tad predictable, I still prefer this over some of the ridiculous horror we have today.
I like the idea of 'Lost Boys ' who need a mother, and the idea of parenting is explored throughout, particularly with Michael ( mum is divorced) and David's gang of vamps who desperately need a mother.
In the end, we're left with the ash's of Max, and a grandpa that knows far too much but never lets on.
Evil Dead Rise (2023)
Sets a new bar for horror movies
I can't speak highly enough of this movie. Let's be honest, the horror genre is so saturated, but this stands heads and tails above other films and is so unique.
I love the setting, the idea of hopelessness in a desperate situation, and the sheer amount of gore and blood is on another scale. It's tremendously fun, horrific and haunting at the same time.
There's several nods to other horror movies, such as The Shining, The Thing, and Brain-dead.
The movie is shot in four locations, a corridor, apartment, car park, and lake. There's not much in the way of plot, other than 'don't read from the book,' but the sign of a good horror movie is making use of less so you can produce a better movie. That's definitely the case here, with an errie setting, a stupid teen, and his less than understanding siblings we get a well crafted gorefest. It has its faults, but these can be overlooked because when it starts it never lets up.
Be warned, there's more gore, guts, and brains than your usual horror movie.
Skull Island (2023)
Mediocre
Skull Island, an animated adventure with annoying characters and repetitive episodes. The story is very basic with our protagonists landing on Skull Island after their ship is destroyed by a giant sea monster. Cue the large monsters, which on the whole, look amazing. However, the whole thing is let down by silly characters, who are annoying to the point you want them to get eaten by one of these giant beasts.
Granted there's some good battle sequences, but the overal story is so tedious many will never make it to episode 8.
King Kong (1933) did this 90 years ago, and it's still better than this.
Rollerball (1975)
Stick it to the man
Rollerball is set in a dystopian future, where corperations who rule the world, and everything is provided by them, and everyone works towards a common goal.
Jonathan E is a record breaking Rollerball player who is asked to retire after ten years on the Houston Team. He's becoming to big, and is a role model for those who aspire to be all that they are without the help of the corporations.
I love the performance of James Caan as he is superb in the role. However, it is John Houseman who steals the show everytime he appears. He has a quiet and undeniable charm, but is also exceedingly ruthless when trying to protect his political ideology.
There are a number of scenes which stick in the memory. One criticism I have is that the Tokyo match could have been switched with New York as it is far better in it's delivery.
A great movie, and arguably the best dystopian film in the 70's or 80's for that matter.
Critters 2 (1988)
How unlucky can one town be?
A good sequel that benefits from a increased budget over the original. It has more comedic elements, and gore than Critters. You don't watch films like this for plotlines. It is entertaining from start to finish, with scenes which are highly enjoyable, such as the diner where two bounty hunters blast the hell out of a gang of critters. The whole thing isn't meant to be taken seriously, and if you want a horror which makes sense then this is not for you.
Switch of your brain, grab some crisps, and a beer and enjoy critters munching on some innocent town folk, cows, hamburgers, and a bounty hunter.