Reviews
1000 Ways to Die (2008)
Final Destination meets Ripley's Believe it or Not in this odd death documentary
Let's first get this out of the way - 1000 Ways to Die is like a slasher film. Except it's actually a TV series. And the deaths portrayed actually happened. Sort of.
1000 Ways to Die is exactly what the title suggests - a barrage of odd and unbelievable ways to die. These are claimed to be dramatizations of actual deaths. What they really are are loose interpretations of rumored deaths, sort of what would happen if Mythbusters cut out the mythbusting part of their show. The deaths here aren't really to be taken seriously, just enjoyed.
And boy are they enjoyable. You get some really entertaining special effects in this show. These deaths look like they were taken straight out of a campy horror flick, between the decapitated heads and severed intestines. Yes, decapitated heads and severed intestines. On prime time cable. Pretty rad, huh? And what would decapitated heads and severed intestines be without retarded men, sexy women, and flat-out neo-Con inspired racism? And boy, if you like all of the above, you'll love this show.
As for me, I'm a little appalled at what this show gets away with, and how dumb it is. But entertainment is entertainment, and I find myself oddly entranced by increasing amounts of blood and brains as this show continues (as one 'expert' put it, 7 gallons of blood, to be precise). As much as this show epitomizes the mindlessness of American television as of late, it also epitomizes the rough, tough, masculine culture that Spike claimed to embody but hadn't yet delivered. Well, this show delivers testosterone-pumped entertainment in its purist form. Sex, drugs, and guts. And really, how could you argue against THAT?
Crank (2006)
Terrible excuse of an action flick. Racism, sexism - it's got all the workings of a stereotypical guy flick.
This movie takes all the clichés in the guy movie book and exploits them like you wouldn't believe. Slow motion, fast motion, camera jerking action sequences? Check. Naked women that are completely braindead and in more heat than a cocker spaniel? Check. Blatant drug use? Check. Retardedly overt use of racism and stereotypes? Check.
I was actually bawling over laughing this entire movie. How it gets away with racism is just hilarious, to be honest. I'll save you the trouble of watching the movie and tell you right now what it's all about - it's Jason Statham beating the crap out of a whole bunch of black, hispanic, and Asian people. That's it. Mixed in with a little sex and crack use here and there. As people said, this movie is quite similar to playing a Grand Theft Auto game. That definitely isn't a good thing if you want your money's worth at the ticket box, because that kind of gratuity and violence doesn't work in the context of a non-interactive movie. Seriously, we go to the theater to see plot twists and character development, not to watch some guy beat up minorities for an hour and a half. This movie is just as bad as all the video game translations like Doom and Resident Evil in that respect - it's completely shallow, relying only on flash and "adrenaline" to keep its audience from walking out halfway through the movie.
And I was also appalled by the lack of respect this movie has for women. In fact, I think the producer might have a grudge against the female sex. Women are portrayed in this movie as utter animals. The only woman that says a complete sentence in the film is Statham's character's girlfriend, and even she rips off her clothes halfway through the movie and gives Statham an unzipped delight during an action sequence, while he's shooting minorities in a moving vehicle! It's just like GTA! Not to mention Statham rapes her in public, an action to which she doesn't give a second thought, but I don't want to spoil too much of this horrible movie if you decide, unwisely, to see it.
So if you want to see a movie that tries to copy gratuitous masterpieces like Pulp Fiction and instead becomes a mindless gorefest and softcore pornography piece, then go ahead, get the DVD. Else, stay far, far away.
Star Trek: The Next Generation (1987)
All the haters are oblivious to this series' strengths
I don't understand how you could possibly not love ST:TNG. The way it built up its characters while maintaining an episodic, lighthearted structure throughout all its seasons was remarkable.
In all these user reviews I'm reading, people are knocking the show for being too "politically correct" and "detached" from reality. What they don't realize is that this marks an important evolutionary step that we as a species should aspire to. As for the show itself, it's interesting, humorous, and doesn't let off for a minute. Patrick Stewart is such a fabulous actor that he keeps the audience's eyes glued to even the dialogue scenes.
This series is a must watch, especially the last four seasons!
No Country for Old Men (2007)
No Country for Old Men is an over-hyped trash heap that tries to salvage a deeper meaning from a train wreck of a storyline.
I can't see why this movie was held in such high regard by critics. I think it has to do with the fact that the Cohen brothers wrote the script, immediately launching the movie into an over-hyped bandwagon effect that ended with a couple of academy awards and a lot of four stars reviews. Personally, I felt the movie was the worst thing the Cohen brothers have ever put out. It had a crappy script, one-dimensional characters (Anton could have been developed into much more than just another bloodthirsty, greedy psychopath), and a cliffhanger ending that RESOLVED NOTHING. And don't tell me I didn't understand the movie.
As to charges by fanboys that I "didn't understand the movie," I understand No Country for Old Men quite well - that it is completely devoid of any deeper meaning whatsoever except the depiction of gratuitous violence and other primordial emotions. No Country for Old Men was an excuse to show a guy getting shot in the head with a cattle gun, imho. As said a previous reviewer, No Country for Old Men is simply another violent snuff flick with pseudo-intellectual intentions that just doesn't cut it.
Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles (2008)
I don't see how Terminator fans could NOT like this series
From what I've gathered from the first few episodes of the Sarah Connor Chronicles, this series is really shaping up to be a great continuation of the Terminator 1 and 2 storyline for die-hard fans and casual fans alike. The 2007 time travel gimmick is incorporated very nicely into the story, as are the appearances of Kyle Reese's brother and a plethora of both friends and foes sent from the future to carry out their missions. The casting is great - Summer Glau in particular plays an awesome role as Cameron, the terminator on the Connors' side (or is she?). Personally, I feel this show will evolve into a must-watch. Tune your televisions to fox before the series gets canceled due to bad ratings, like Firefly!
Cloverfield (2008)
An epic accomplishment in cinematography, imho
Abrams really outdid himself with this movie. At first, I thought Cloverfield was going to suck, given all the hype and its cliché themes and marketing scheme. But I was wrong. Cloverfield sucks you in and keeps you on the edge of your seat from the second people start getting stomped on, in part because of the amazing incorporation of a first-person experience into the movie to add to the immersion factor. In fact, I think Cloverfield is the first piece of media to really rivet and frighten me in the way that it did other than video games such as Half Life and FEAR. My only gripes with the movie, of course, are with its lack of character development and over reliance on visuals over substance. But that's to be expected from a movie that's basically a homage to the Godzilla series.
Kudos to Bad Robot and everyone else involved in the filming of this movie. And boo to everyone who is giving this a 1 star review because they got motion sickness. Toughen up and take a pill, or stop complaining. I have a history of photosensitive seizures and I was fine throughout the film.