Change Your Image
Xavier_Stone
My ratings distribution is a bell curve.
Ratings
Most Recently Rated
Reviews
Teacup (2024)
Made it to Eps 4 with the FFW button, then quit
After watching the min budget pilot episode I came on here to read some reviews, and several said that this show was why the fast forward button was invented.
How true.
I used it repeatedly and finished the next three in a decent time, and felt like I gave this series a good chance to develop into something interesting. Anything. But nope, it just stalls and switches characters and barely explains anything.
You can actually skip ahead to Eps 4 and use that one as a pilot if you want to understand what's going on as they finally start to explain some things.
But by that time most people are tapping out from boredom. Not much happens, it's like a very low budget jump scare series. Some weird stuff, but mostly melo drama and the child actors don't bring anything to the series at all.
There's only so much you can stretch a story. This would struggle to be a 90 minute movie correctly edited and still only get 3 stars. 1/10, this is about a big a miss as a network can make.
Reminds me of Outer Range, with the no explanation black hole in the middle of a field that they show for 5 minutes each show and the rest of the time it's drama.
Live PD (2016)
Some story lines manufactured
A county in Texas has just won a lawsuit against this program for violating civil rights.
Basically the crew of this show created a SWAT team take down at a person's house when he exited a court room earlier that day.
It makes for better television.
I'm going to guess that there will be more stories of poor judgement and perhaps scripted scenes as well.
This is bad when a "live" television show about cops can't find enough material to put on the air.
1/10. Shouldn't be produced.
A county in Texas has just won a lawsuit against this program for violating civil rights.
Basically the crew of this show created a SWAT team take down at a person's house when he exited a court room earlier that day.
It makes for better television.
I'm going to guess that there will be more stories of poor judgement and perhaps scripted scenes as well.
This is bad when a "live" television show about cops can't find enough material to put on the air.
1/10. Shouldn't be produced.
The Substance (2024)
Impressively horrible from gore writer Coralie Fargeat
With a movie this bad it's impressive that it actually got released. Both Demi and Mr. Quaid are in no need of money and this trash bin of a film should not have gotten them out of the house. Have some sort of respect for the quality films you have created in the past, this is just trashing any good will you still have with the public.
It starts off with a mystery substance to counteract aging and goes completely off the rails rather quickly. Then it get more and more stupid and lets thrown in 1980's excessive blood and gore to complete the mess. The ending is abysmal.
The writer Coralie Fargeat has only one film credit and it's another gore fest, so this is what she writes. Zero skill required. Limited dialogue, simple story and just empty buckets of horse blood everywhere.
If you like watching Evil Dead type movies then this is for you. I would have thought that the target audience for movies like this is super small, and yet here we are. Utterly amazing this got produced. 1/65 as there is nothing positive about anything in this movie.
Ray Liotta was supposed to be in the Quaid role, rest in peace, this film is a black stain on everyone connected to it.
Speak No Evil (2024)
This was a remake? And you didn't expand on anything?
After finishing this movie I though it was simple, obvious and written fairly poorly. Simple dialogue and scenes throughout, no real mysteries or tension here which is the foundation on a good horror genre film.
Then I've read the reviews on here, some praising this as brilliant? Whatever. Then after reading a few more they say that this is a remake of a film and it's exactly the same as that one.
Ugh. Even worse. How can you possibly remake a film made just a few years ago in another country and pass it off as something good?
Perhaps they thought that just adding a psycho James into this mix would solve everything and no creativity was needed.
In any case, it's a 2/10. Save some time and just watch the trailer a few times, basically sums up the entire movie.
American Sports Story (2024)
Seems to be written for high school students
Stuart Zicherman with several good writing attempts at episodes decides to rehash a familiar story here and glosses over much of the gritty story.
This is just PG after school special stuff. Hint at CTE here and there, hint some more at some gay stuff, show a bit of drugs and alcohol without any real consequences.
Overall the actors are decent enough, but the story is simple and watered down. There are a few other films doing the Aaron story and this one is the worst of the bunch, not explaining much.
Stuart Zicherman with several good writing attempts at episodes decides to rehash a familiar story here and glosses over much of the gritty story.
This is just PG after school special stuff. Hint at CTE here and there, hint some more at some gay stuff, show a bit of drugs and alcohol without any real consequences.
Overall the actors are decent enough, but the story is simple and watered down. There are a few other films doing the Aaron story and this one is the worst of the bunch, not explaining much.
SEAL Team: The Last Word (2024)
Wrap up ending, lame, easy and simple
The writers didn't really try with this 7th and final season, it seems most of the story lines were simple out and back combat excursions. Even in this finale we have 2 combat tours that seem to last 5 minutes each and are easily resolved.
The budget was obviously cut here and it shows. No more extravagant scenes and a lot of bar talking and getting to know the new member Drew.
For a successful series that lasted 7 seasons, you would have thought that the writers would have wanted to showcase their skills here and create something memorable. Nope.
5 minutes after watching this I felt cheated and duped. Both writers have limited prior experience before this show and haven't learned anything from working on the Homeland series, that created multiple interesting stories and had tension.
This feels like they rushed this season and couldn't figure out how to wrap it up, so they just did the bare minimum and checked all the boxes.
2/10 for the low effort. This series deserved better.
Wolfs (2024)
Just Awkward
Written and directed by Jon Watts, who wrote a Spiderman film and got to direct it. Not much else of note in his resume, and I think this 200 Million dollar movie will put him on the sidelines for a while.
There is no way Apple was ever going to make it's money back on this investment if it ran in the theaters, maybe a 2-3 week run time with a low number of showings.
There just isn't enough of anything in this dark, low light movie that is interesting. Sure Brad and George are co-producers in this and make themselves 35Mil each, but the poor script, bad dialogue and just buddies making a movie gets old fast.
A ton of awkward scenes. Low limit comedy lines like telling the same story to the audience twice as a new character is involved now. So funny. Let's sidebar in the hallway and discuss. Let's run around the city chasing a guy in his underwear. So thrilling. Such tension.
This is just abysmal writing. And coming from a writer who did Marvel movies maybe that's what his skill set is. This just doesn't work. 2/10 for a suffering story that just meanders through 100 minutes. Just Brad and George getting paid and hustling here.
American Animals (2018)
Uninteresting group of 4 clowns
As I watched this film/doc I kept wondering what was the point in making the film. This is about a group of 4 very immature college students easily convincing themselves that they are going to do a heist and quickly run into problems. Rather than rethink their actions they go ahead with the heist mostly unprepared.
Perhaps the film makers added some fiction in an attempt to make this interesting, and it is still incredibly slow and boring.
I'm not sure what the high reviews are raving about, this is a sad story of a clueless bunch of kids failing badly. Perhaps we are supposed to laugh but there's no comedy here.
A poor choice to use as a documentary. It's not even a good example of entitled college kids trying to get ahead. Just sad all around, and not in a good way. 2/10. Up next for this film maker is another film about a college kid recreating Jackass and breaking bones and quitting. Then a film about a teen race car driver who steals a Miata and crashes. Utterly pointless film making.
Wise Guy: David Chase and the Sopranos (2024)
Not much here, mostly a resume for David Chase
For anyone who has watched every episode of the Sopranos there is little extra footage here. Mostly rehashing the series and throwing in a few tidbits here and there.
The target audience is for people who haven't seen the show and casual viewers.
This mostly reads as a resume and a reminder that David was a writer in one of the most successful television series for HBO.
There is a reason why he hasn't been able to work in Hollywood in almost 20 years, and it's because of his incredibly botched black screen fade out ending series finale.
Those defending him might say he had writer's block, was rushed and left it open for interpretation. He honestly didn't put in the hard work and effort to finish it.
In the lead up to the last scene, Meadow is struggling to parallel park for 3 of the final 5 minutes in a series finale. This is unforgivable and proof that he just ran out of ideas.
He has been banished from Hollywood, and rightfully so. Even his terrible Saints of Newark was bad and was his only shot at a comeback which failed. He's asking for another chance here. Don't give him one.
You'd think that after 20 years of being out of work David would put some major effort into Saints? But nope, minimum effort. It's sad, because he really did write some good episodes. 1/10, tarnished legacy attempting to resurrect it again.
Terminator Zero (2024)
Dissapointing, drawing out a 1hr story to 8 episodes
I though that with an Anime addition that the story could really shine as the franchise is not limited by expensive set designs and making robots look real. It should be a great foundation to really make some amazing stuff.
Sadly, after the first few episodes we are just rehashing the go back in time and change the past story line. A few quirks here and there and lets add in three terribly annoying children that are too young to understand anything.
Perhaps that is the target audience, preteens. How can you have a Terminator totally incompetent and useless? Such an amazing let down.
I'm not sure why the artists put in so much effort into this without developing a good story. Mostly 8 episodes of filler. 3/10 is generous.
Pamyo (2024)
Good start, then wanders, almost like 2 movies in one
Most of the characters in this are decent and it's just the story that I have a hard time with. The first half gets a bit creepy with grave digging and relocation stuff and when that's over with the writer seemingly wanted to add something to this movie as it needed more.
It becomes wildly different and we get off track and into a new chapter of the movie that extends another hour. The writer wasn't happy with the original script and just kept adding more and more ingredients like a poor chef trying to make his canned soup taste better.
It's ok. Far from the 10 star hype that this film is surrounded with. 4/10 for mostly the first half of the movie which lured me in.
Oddity (2024)
Honestly, pretty terrible
The intro and beginning of this film is somewhat interesting with a few good jump scares. Then it seems to fizzle out as we get into the actual story with the bare minimum of 3 actual speaking characters.
The film meanders along a predictive story line and a weird ending. Some good reviews have noted that there are some plot holes, but are easily overlooked and forgiven.
The writer/producer Damian McCarthy has mostly short films in his resume and needs more practice before tackling 90 minute productions. This feels like a short film extended and stretched out.
Audiences expect more. More characters, more than 2 scene locations, more than simple dialogue, an intriguing plot without multiple gaping holes.
Here we have multiple mistakes, a trap door that does nothing except serve as a plot device. A lead character figuring out another is a murderer, then going to his house and confronting him, explaining all of her plans to expose him, and then promptly falling for his tricks. Amazing storytelling there.
2 stars for the first 20 minutes and jump scares, and then there is nothing left. Absolutely trash ending.
I doubt that Damian had anyone proof read his script. I think as an actor you have the responsibility to raise your hand in the table read and say, "Excuse me, this doesn't make any sense."
Alien: Romulus (2024)
Worst Possible Sequel - Alien vs Teens
Let's just start off with the executives giving this project to Fede Alvarez who has no real good films in his resume. And he writes, produces and directs this with the help from two other novice writers. I can't say that I'm not surprised that it was terrible.
To start off, the opening music is abysmal and it continues to be so loud and overbearing throughout the film. Which is to be expected I guess. The characters are all teenagers and this is Aliens GenZ. Made for teens who can operate and fly space ships, complex computers on unfamiliar systems.
The acting is lame as others have noted. The story is simple. The CGI is decent enough. It seems like there was a budget and the director spent the bare min on actors.
The jump scares are predictable. Lots of chase scenes. Lots of closing doors. Lots of "Be Quiet" scenes. The mandatory face to face closeup scene. The usual female lead outsmarting and outlasting everyone. 1/10. Absolutely trash. Made for the 12-17yo film goers.
Fallen (2024)
Incredibly poor story
The pilot episode does a decent job of setting the hook and getting the series started, however it quickly drops off. Throw in a few mysteries here and there and by episode 3 nothing is explained or expanded upon, so most will get bored.
I started fast forwarding and watching the rest of the series on 4x speed and 8x speed stopping at some scenes. Nothing is explained or solved and at the end of Episode 8 the main character just portals away?
What the heck? So many weird things about this teenage show that are just stupid. Things happen because the plot needs to advance a bit. Endless interviews by the psychologist/leader to over explain every little detail.
I'm sure that I missed a few details by skipping ahead, but watching the last 5 mins of the season proved me right. This is all pointless.
Most of the writers/creators and production staff are of limited experience with the producer having a good resume of making 3 and 4 star projects. It's all created to showcase a 2nd season but I doubt it'll be produced as the ratings will quickly fall to the 3-4 stars as the other projects. 2/10 for the initial premise. Zero stars for everything after Episode 2 as it's all a teenage soap opera.
Reminds me of a television series like Saved by The Bell, where an event happens and is solved in 60 mins, rinse and repeat endlessly.
Bad Monkey (2024)
Just be Patient
The writers know that this series is a tough watch. I'm guessing the test audiences told them so. They added the voice over to help the viewer out with more info and they consciously put in the line Just be Patient two times in the first episode. It's like they know it was bad and are asking for forgiveness right out of the gate.
Vince is usually a decent actor and he seems like the right fit for this and his sidekick seems alright as well.
The other reviewers have noted that it's slow and it's painfully slow. I had to fast forward just to finish the pilot episode, most will have to do the same. So many side quests, introducing multiple characters and having all of them explained with the voice over is just annoying.
It's bizarre and confusing. 2/10 for the attempt on a good premise but there is no way this works for me. The silly humor only goes so far and I'm not inclined to stay for the mystery and obviously overblown characters.
The Instigators (2024)
The Idiots
Another reviewer used this as a tagline and it's perfect. This is not a good movie at all. Lots of good cast members but it's written by Casey, which is probably not what you want.
There are so many terrible scenes in this movie that it could be said that they just run together.
Every attempt at humor dropped dead. Silly gun fighting scenes that just were stupid. You have to remember that both of these lead actors were in the Oceans 11 heist movies and obviously didn't learn anything about how to make a movie interesting. Damon was in the Bourne movies, but there is no crossover skills here.
I struggled to finish this. The entire setup is just bizarre. Ving is just some super cop who finds everything super fast. Just a FYI, a six foot tall safe would weigh more than 1000 pounds.
This is supposed to be a silly comedy. And when the writer puts in his own line at the end of the movie, calling out the fact that nobody laughed, well, that's really impressive. This movie got worse the longer it went on. Produced by Ben Affleck and Matt Damon and about 10 others. 1/10, just too silly to watch.
House of the Dragon: The Queen Who Ever Was (2024)
Winter is Coming, lol
If you have to resort to using this worn out line then there really is no hope for this series. Mostly running in the fields chasing a Dragon. The port scenes are all exactly the same with nothing happening.
The entire season is just mid and built on a budget every step of the way. Silly dialogue.
I could go on and on, this is no 10 star season finale when nothing happens. All the action is off screen in this episode. The last 5 minutes are all a montage of a promise of greater things to come.
1/10. This is a finale for a season. Someone get the writer an example of things the audience is expecting. Yeesh.
Cowboy Cartel (2024)
4 Episodes, dragged out and inflated.
This was previewed as some huge conspiracy involving multiple 3 letter agencies all cooperating against Mexican Cartels. In truth it is one rookie FBI agent trying to build a case, making several key mistakes along the way and Monday morning quarterbacking everything.
In the third episode they finally get to the money, a total sum of 26 million dollars has been laundered. Which is nothing to sneeze at, but for a drug cartel that controls as much as the Zeta's it's small potatoes.
There are tons of characters in this story, each fighting for a piece of the fame. It took years to get done. Then of course the final credits say that they crippled the Cartel. Um, no.
Started off good, then quickly becomes a pat on the back show, extending 3 episodes longer than necessary. 3/10 for the effort, hire a better editor.
Edison (2005)
A movie so bad it ended a writer's career
This one was made in 2005 and the writer David J. Burke hasn't been able to secure any work but 3 episodes of a tv show since.
Think about that, nearly 20 years. This movie is just poorly written, poorly cast and just all around bad. You'll find yourself annoyed at most of the simple dialogue. Most of the scenes just don't make any sense and are only there to drive the plot forward.
It starts out with let's just kill one guy and have the other guy say he did it, makes perfect sense. Justin is just weirdly cast in this as some type of go getter reporter with zero knowledge.
The entire movie is in shambles. The only thing that look real is the look on LLCoolJ's face as he's wondering how he got roped into doing this terrible film. Always shaking his head in disbelief.
Za granyu realnosti (2018)
Nonsense with extra steps
This is one of those movies where the more you watch the more confused you get. Overly long back story to develop our lead character and setup, then all of a sudden you don't really need it.
Main character needs some help and gets it, but then if you think he doesn't really need it.
My advice, just don't think. Or just don't watch. There are plenty of talented con artist movies, or Oceans 11 casino movies out there, all are better.
I'm not sure why this was made. The writer and director have a number of other films, but have yet to break the 5 star rating mostly. There is only so much patience studios have for people only producing terrible films.
Der Räuber (2010)
Caution, there are maybe 100 lines of dialogue here
The setup is good, a bank robber who is a marathoner is training in prison and finally gets released and goes on to rob banks again.
For those looking for any sort of deep meaning about escaping criminal life, or unable to escape your past it won't be found here. In every scene there are maybe 4-5 speaking lines, then cut to another scene. The writer, Benjamin Heisenberg, is best known for writing shorts and that is all this movie is but stretched out. This film could be told in 20 minutes with the same lines.
Incredibly boring, simple and we get no idea what makes the main character tick or any background story on him. Just likes to run and rob banks.
He does manage to land a relationship with a girl and move in with her in under 20 lines between them and I guess we are to believe this as they knew each other before.
This is just crippling to watch. If the film makers goal was to piss off the audience he definitely succeeded. 1/10. Should have been a short film. If you can't add anything to the story by making it longer, then don't. Just stick to what you're used to.
Impractical Jokers (2011)
Scripted attempt at comedy
If any viewer actually thinks this is genuine candid camera comedy then I guess there is no changing your 10 star rating.
For those of us older than 12 and realize that the 20 cameras getting close up shots with sound would need to be involved in nearly every shot it's not so fun to watch.
Even if you decide to keep watching knowing that it's fake the skits aren't that interesting or funny. For a comedy troupe based out of NYC they are actually bad.
This is like taking street performers from your local city and giving them a time slot to fill. How they managed to rehash the same routine for multiple seasons only shows how shallow they are.
Squatters (2014)
I couldn't make it 15 minutes
I was somewhat interested as Richard and the Yellowstone actor are in this and tuned in and was quickly met with a sleeping on the beach in Venice decked out in layered clothing under a lifeguard station.
For those who have never been to a California beach, they close at 10pm and are strictly patrolled. And you wouldn't want to sleep there anyway because of the blowing sand, and it's going to be super hot in the morning and multi layered clothes are just not going to work.
Nobody has ever seen a homeless person who goes barefoot. Try to find one. Here we have two. You're going to be walking most of your day and getting a cut would lead to an infection with zero access to medical care. Just doesn't happen.
Things get more ridiculous when a shop owner is easily fooled. So this is his first day on the job then? Never met a homeless person before? Again, more writing by a Hollywood guy who didn't do any research for his story, or actually have anyone proof read it.
So just who is making this mess? Martin Weisz, known for music videos and a newbie writer. No surprise that this isn't good.
Ok so a guy gets a dream eavesdropping conversation and is able to follow a car on his bike. Ugh, ok. Then instead of coming back later he breaks into the place?
I give up. Writing is supposed to be about write what you know. If you have a teenage comprehension then maybe you'll like this and it'll be possible to overlook all the flaws. For the rest of us older than 17 this is just junk. 1/10, too much bad writing and quitting before it gets worse, which is does after reading other's reviews.
Those About to Die (2024)
Misleading
Right off the bat the creator Robert Rodat has titled this series based on the Gladiator monologue, yet the story is about horse racing teams. Perhaps there are 2 or 3 Gladiator scenes over a story of 4 horse racing factions and an Emperor.
I guess this is to capitalize on the success of the movie Gladiator and the Spartacus series and the previews reflect this.
The previews also showed Emperor Hopkins as a strong lead character, in truth he only has maybe 100 lines in the 10 episodes and dies half way through the series and has flashbacks in order to have some dialogue after his death.
A few reviews are critical of the types of horses used during that time, or the bad CGI white lion and cities. In general the story is sub par from a writer that gave us Saving Private Ryan, but also wrote Falling Skies and loads of other misses. Add this one to his list.
Most of the characters have simple story lines and motivations and it's just not as good as described. 2/10, looks like they spent a lot of money without really doing any quality control.
Emperor of Ocean Park (2024)
Tough to watch, constant time flipping
This is one of those shows that has a short 3 minute opening scene and then quickly skips back in time and starts the story from the beginning. Generally this is done to reveal some good information and pique the viewers interest and hold our attention.
However in this series it backfires, mostly because we skip from Present to Past to Present and back to the Past in the first 8 minutes of the pilot episode. This is nonsense, there isn't enough time to even catch the character's names before a time jump.
Perhaps if something dramatic actually happened in any one of the short little time jumps it would be worth sticking around, but there's not much, just backstory.
It becomes clear that they are going to be jumping around and telling two stories at the same time in two different time lines. On top of that it's boring to watch and there is no real high stakes to keep me interested. It falls flat within the first 20 minutes and stays there.
Good luck to anyone sticking around past the pilot, I'm done. If a show can't hold my attention for the pilot episode then the writer
(Sherman Payne) has really not put in the work and it's another low effort work as expected. 2/10, even Forrest can't save this as his lines are very limited.