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Reviews
The Bikeriders (2023)
I Wanted To Like This Movie.
Attractive, cinematic photography and comically ludicrous Chicago accents, but what is going on in this movie? I couldn't cobble together the characters in a cohesive story. Interesting comment on mid-century American counter culture that's not the typical Woodstockian trope about fighting the man and tripping on LSD. Everybody looked great and ready for an interesting story even based on tall tales or lost weekend motorcycle gang drunkeness. Danny Lyon's photography was brilliant but is this even a real story? I guess this is why one doesn't base movies on photojournalism coffee table books. Wasted opportunity.
A Most Violent Year (2014)
A Most Miscast Movie
An excuse to look at Jessica Chastain I guess. Worst mob wife ever. 1981 was the most violent year in NYC history as of 2014? Can't tell from this sleeping pill. Also no longer applies. Just overall slow and confusing. Not sure how this cast has been so good in other movies but not this bore fest. Somehow Chastain's character is even less likable than her character in Zero Dark Thirty. And is this how the mob operated then? Or now? I thought they just killed people. Well, they almost bored me to death with this movie. And the whole drawn out truck driver shooting incident was boring and confusing.
The Squeeze (1987)
Movies Like These...
It's movies like these that make me understand why Hollywood writers quit the biz or worse when there are potential masterpieces sitting a filing cabinet somewhere. I remember this was one of those movies that HBO played every other day after 8pm because the licensing was so cheap. I'm sure they never made their money back on this stinker. I get it. Michael Keaton was a hot commodity at the time. But good grief. And Meatloaf? Did he waive his paycheck for a role in the movie? Woof! I'm a big Keaton fan and this movie proves that you can be a big star, make a dud or two and then emerge as Batman. Hats off to you, Sir.
Munich: The Edge of War (2021)
Downton Abbey Meets Downfall
Had such high hopes for this movie when I saw the banner on Netflix. Probably because August Diehl is such a natural at playing a Nazi officer. See Inglorious Basterds (2009). Lots of dark scenes with subtitles and whisper yelling. Jeremy Irons was of course brilliant as Neville Chamberlain. And that's where the suspension of disbelief starts. The real Chamberlain was an old, stuffy British wimp who pompously dealt the Czechs to the Germans without the least amount of forethought. Then one realizes that the two main characters are totally fictional and didn't exist. I can see a bit of embellishment with historical facts for the sake of drama, but knowing what ultimately happens spoils the plot. Why not make a historically acurate account of what happens along with inside story that we didn't know previously? Instead, we get a stressful Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure-esque runaround over things that never even happened.
Same Time, Next Christmas (2019)
ALERT ALL PARENTS: AVOID AT ALL COSTS
More PC, woke messaging from modern day Hollywood. This is on top of a bad acting and a lame plot. Ever wonder what happened to Nia Vardalos from My Big Fat Greek Wedding? Well, she plays the mom in this movie. Badly. Same with George Newbern who was in countless 80s cheeseball flicks. If your daughter is less that 16, please don't let them watch this or at least don't make yourself sit through this with them.
The Thin Red Line (1998)
Worst. War Movie. Ever
Needed to remind myself what a disappointment this movie was now that it's on Prime. 23 years later I am still wondering how this movie got made. The only thing more annoying about this movie than the out of context voice over and out of synch flashbacks are Elias Koteas staring blankly into the camera as he does in evey movie he has ever been in. The movie really is ruined by the southern-accented voice over. Who the hell is this talking anyway? And more importantly, why? That's really how this movie can be summed up; the most expensive assembly of Hollywood DBs at the time who took themselves too seriously ( Elias Koteas, Sean Penn, John Cusack , and Jim Caviezel) "acting" into the camera with little or no dialog. War is hell but this movie is worse.
Fuller House (2016)
Woke Jokes & Canned Laughter
A warmed over premise from the 80s for the woke 20s. If you have kids who might potentially watch this, beware. Three seasons of bad acting, hackey jokes, and PC moralism disguised as a sit-com.
Like Blood (2019)
Like Blood Is Like Awful
Much like the one YouTube review of this "movie", its an awful exercise in recording the interactions of people with a camera. The acting is horrible and it is truly dreadful to watch.