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Reviews
Black Cab (2024)
Creepy enough
British indie horror can sometimes be a bit hit and miss. This one is fairly middle of the road.
Nick Frost plays his part well. Equal parts troubled, scared, creepy and even endearing. He steals the show for me although Synnove Karlsen puts in a decent turn.
The movie plays on classic haunted highway ghost stories and has some creepy moments. Theres an interesting angle about how vulnerable we really are in a cab driven by someone we know nothing about but that isn't really the purpose of the story, although the depth in Frost's performance did make me think.
Shot in the dark and taking place in a single night with a significant proportion inside a London cab, there's some good use of light. A couple of jump scares and some creepy exposition delivered nicely by Frost give the film just enough atmosphere to keep you engaged.
My favourite part was the ending which is a little ambiguous and probably open to some interpretation.
Overall though I thought it was pretty average fare.
Cellar Door (2024)
Pretty pointless
I like a slow burner but there needs to be a payoff and here there simply isn't.
There's very little that is tense or exciting. The story goes nowhere really and gives us nothing new. The script is lazy and the result is some pretty tepid central performances. There is so much exposition there is no tension at all.
Laurence Fishburne is a highlight. He's engaging for the time he's onscreen.
I think the intention is for viewers to make their own conclusion, to leave the payoff to their own imaginations. The trouble is the movie just wasn't engaging enough for me to invest so I just left it feeling disappointed.
Smile 2 (2024)
Very very good sequel
Naomi Scott is absolutely magnificent. Her performance here is phenomenal and she is the reason this movie is such a good sequel. There are a few scenes I really enjoyed such as the opening and a scene in the middle where the smile entity appears as an entire troupe of backing dancers. It's nicely creepy, the score is decent and it builds on the first movie nicely.
The first movie took a bit of a look at grief and that feels like where this one was going but I also think the sequel has something to say about mental illness and the price of fame.
I'd say the sense of dread and anxiety is better here than with the first and there are a few good jumps but honestly it is such a good central performance from Scott that it's worth the watch for her performance alone.
The Crow (2024)
Massacred a classic
I really wish they'd not used Eric Draven. I wish they'd written a different character to come back. Having chosen to write this movie about Eric Draven, you naturally compare this with the 1994 classic and it does not compare. At all.
Bill Skarsgard's Draven lacks the depth, the humour, the caring, fatherly nature (for Sarah), the morality, the charisma and the presence of Brandon Lee's far superior turn.
We've no Ernie Hudson good hearted cop character, none of the comic style cityscapes.
This movie is a really a poor imitation, has no heart and brings absolutely nothing as a reboot.
Obviously effects are better, the soundtrack is okay and the opera house scene is decent enough but overall this is not a good movie.
Terrifier 3 (2024)
Gory as hell
I'm really glad to see Terrifier 3 have a theatrical release. Each movie has had a bigger budget, bigger cast and bigger set pieces than the last and seeing Art the clown in cinema hallways has been a real treat.
The first Terrifier had a grainy, low budget feel that added to the overall, 70s exploitation vibe and for me that was a huge part of my enjoyment of the movie.
The 2nd had a plot, some character development and created some mythos around Art.
This instalment expands that mythos, reintroduces characters from the last movie and provides some unbelievably gruesome and gory set pieces. It goes a bit too hard on the religious imagery, it's not very subtle but I guess that's in keeping with the whole franchise. Ain't nothing subtle about it.
I'm a huge fan. A horror buff and a seasoned gore hound. There were a couple of points I found myself with my hand over my mouth.
Once again Lauren LeVera is very good and once again David Howard Thornton is phenomenal. He really is a fantastic talent.
Loved the cameo from Tom Savini. Legend of the genre.
If you are not a horror fan, this probably won't be your cup of tea and even if you are, you'd do well to work up to a franchise like Terrifier. It's nasty, it's mean, it's gory, it's ultra violent, it's disgusting, it's menacing, it's harrowing, it's completely over the top and it's fantastic.
The Substance (2024)
G. R. Uesome
This movie is very good indeed. At once a stingingly satirical fable and also an out-and-out body horror. It really is gruesome.
I found it interesting to consider who the villains of this movie are. The men, all the men in this movie are presented in a very clear and particular light. Rolled up with the Coralie Fargeat's previous work, the excellent 'revenge', and there is a very clear message there.
That said, the main theme here seems to centre more on what people are prepared to do to cling to fame and fortune so perhaps Elizabeth Sparkle is the real villain. I enjoyed the idea of two distinct personalities eventually being at odds with each other. That speaks to me of what it could be like to have to maintain a celebrity persona.
And behind it all is an invisible corporation prepared to cash in on that greed for fame so maybe they're the villains.
Or maybe everyone has their villainous part to play and this is more about how the whole culture and industry just creates a terrible environment filled with monsters.
Both leading ladies are excellent. Demi Moore in particular really plays sad to desperately unhinged very well.
The movie is shot beautifully. The cinematography and the set design make for a visually brilliant spectacle. The effects are also excellent.
It felt a little too long in my opinion but I did enjoy this a lot.
The Deliverance (2024)
Flawed and average
There are dozens of possession movies way better than this.
Andra Day is decent, she plays the down on her luck, mad at the world, struggling single mother pretty well and Mo'Nique offers a decent turn too. The kids are fine. Glenn Close steals the show and she delivers her role with precision and skill. There's a couple of lines in her later scenes that you won't have heard her say before.
There's a lot about this movie to not like. Firstly I just didn't find it scary, at all. The family drama was presented well but there was no real sense of dread or building of atmosphere. It was all by the numbers. Theres a scene depicting two characters discussing an exorcism in a McDonald's with all the associated product placement. You are supposed to be gripped with ideas of the eternal battle between good and evil, the notion of higher powers, angels, demons and the sheer peril of a forthcoming battle for the soul of a child. Instead you are distracted by McCafe logos and your inner voice humming "I'm loving it"!
The effects aren't great either.
Overall it's a bang average movie maybe just about saved by some decent acting performances.
Trap (2024)
Standard Shyamalan fare
Long have we yearned for M Night to recapture the heights of his early efforts. I don't think we'll ever be able to scratch that particular itch.
This movie is 'okay' and I think that's as good as we get now.
There are some interesting ideas in the film and there's a semi critical look at some parts of pop culture as well as a nod to what can be achieved when everyone is connected.
Josh Hartnett is actually very good and there are one or two moments he really delivers the creeps.
Mostly though the movie is pretty much not believable. Some of the escapades at the concert are just too far fetched and there are two escapes that really do stretch your ability to invest as a viewer.
There are some tense moments and a conversation over pie which was pretty nicely delivered by Hartnett and Alison Pill.
Then there was a comic mid credit scene that was completely unnecessary.
It's certainly not the worst movie you'll watch but the Shyamalan of 6th Sense seems no longer to exist.
Longlegs (2024)
Ignore hype. Judge for yourself
The biggest criticism I've read is that Longlegs is over hyped. When will people learn? You have to judge every movie for yourself.
I think this movie is great.
Firstly the cast are all excellent. Maika Monroe is morose and deadpan, Blair Underwood and Alicia Witt give great supporting performances and Nicholas Cage is absolutely bat-sh#t crazy.
The movie itself is deeply unsettling and the sound design is as creepy as anything I can remember.
It's had comparisons to Silence of the Lambs and I guess I can understand why but honestly I do think that's half the hype issue. They aren't alike at all.
It's a bit surreal, visceral, shot well and has a genuine atmosphere of dread throughout.
All in all it's a very strong effort.
Alien: Romulus (2024)
Fede Alvarez does a decent job
Your enjoyment of this movie is going to entirely depend on what you want from it. If you want big, new ideas then you may not love it. If you want fan service and callbacks you will absolutely love it. If you've never seen an alien film then you'll probably enjoy it and if you are a franchise fan that just wants to see a back to basics space horror away from all the convoluted lore of Prometheus and covenant, then this is probably the movie for you.
That last one is me. This is the alien film I've waited almost 30 years for and Fede Alvarez delivers.
I'm a huge fan of this franchise and I have been bitterly disappointed with some of the recent instalments even if there's parts of them I liked.
This one keeps its promises. The xenos look brilliant and the practical effects are great, the tension is good and there's a couple of scenes that made me hold my breath, including some fun anti-gravity action. There's some great gore and one scene that had a couple of people in the cinema wincing.
I really felt that the director understood the brief. The look and feel of the spacecraft captures the look and feel of the original being set 20 years after alien, and there's a bunch of great callbacks and Easter eggs. In fact there really is a tonne of fan service. One line in particular even nods to the comic books and video games.
Overall though, it is a back to basics space horror with some good tension, great set pieces and that's what I've been waiting for.
What I would say on the flip side is that I think we lose something with such a young, attractive cast and It feels a bit kind of millenialy. The rough and ready, mature crews of the nostromo and the sulaco just bring a bit more for me. Also I'm not that sure about the climax. There's also a digital affect that didn't quite hit - you'll know it.
Apart from that though, there's loads to really enjoy.
Deadpool & Wolverine (2024)
Might be the best one
This movie is just wall to wall fun. It has all the hallmarks of a movie made by people who enjoy their craft and want you to enjoy their work.
I genuinely get the sense that everyone involved had a blast making this movie and I loved it.
Cameos galore, Easter eggs, dripping with meta commentary and fourth wall shattering.
Beyond all that, it serves as a pretty decent superhero movie and it must be said that this might just be peak wolverine.
Logan was awesome but here I think we got our best wolverine ever.
There's some nicely shot action, lots of gore, plenty of ridiculous kills and the movie made me laugh out loud more than many movies have done.
I absolutely loved seeing Tyler mane's sabertooth, Wesley snipes playing blade again and a whole litany of original cast members from previous marvel work.
It's an absolute riot.
Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes (2024)
Strong franchise entry
I liked this quite a lot. This might be my favourite of the sequels. The effects are fantastic as they have been for the whole rebooted franchise. The story is a basic hero arc and the plot doesn't have too much to offer around that, the movie takes a probing look at a number of facets of human nature.
For starters Caesar has become a kind of mythical deity figure and like most deities, there are various interpretations of their message and extremist facts have formed. That was quite an interesting idea. Now the idea of warring, or at least squabbling, factions within the ape population was explored in earlier instalments but here there are cultural and religious undertones rather than just alpha struggles.
What I really liked was the ambiguity in the ending. Can apes and man live side by side? Indeed.
Caesar's mantra was always 'apes together strong' and the ending here kind of switched that around and I think your interpretation of that ending and whether you ended feeling hope or threat, will depend on who you rooted for during the movie.
I found myself wondering who I rooted for and why and I enjoyed that.
The Watchers (2024)
There have been worse debuts
But certainly there have been better.
The movie has a bit going for it. There's a nice tension building for the first half. There's a lot of intrigue and mystery and I really wondered where it would go.
The kind of supernatural woodland has a nice creepy feel and I really enjoyed Olwen Fouere. Dakota Fanning is good enough and she plays the troubled, tragic figure well.
Overall it's pretty well made and I love some of the scenic shots.
Then you start to find out what's going on and the film takes a turn for the worse. The CGI is poor, the crows annoyed me in particular, and the reveal of who the watchers are just made me roll my eyes. The twist, if you can call it that, was telegraphed and entirely predictable. The most troubling thing for me was that once you've learned who the watchers are and what their history is, the motivation for watching in the first place makes less sense.
By the end I was pretty disappointed.
In a Violent Nature (2024)
The same but different
It's a slasher about a masked maniac hunting people in the woods and mutilating them in gory and creative ways.
There's a suitably tragic backstory of revenge which has become a local legend and is regaled around a campfire by some generally un-relatable young adults who will later become cannon fodder.
There's a thousand movies like this.
But....
Uniquely this one is shot almost entirely from the point of view of the hulking, supernaturally powerful killer.
There's a fair few shots where we follow 'Johnny' as he walks through woods and fields and honestly, that may but be to everyone's liking but I enjoyed it.
Some of the kills are pretty gnarly and a couple are shot in unusual ways.
Given how oversaturated this sub genre is, it's quite nice to see an attempt at presenting fairly routine material a little differently and I liked it.
Winnie-the-Pooh: Blood and Honey II (2024)
There's no honey but plenty of blood
Miles better than the first one.
Obviously a better budget, a better cast, longer run time, better characters, some decent effects and they even managed to rope in a multi bafta award winning actor.
Simon Callow absolutely steals the show in his cameo and the exposition he delivers really gives the movie some actual emotional depth.
Mostly though this movie is utter carnage and the kills are non stop.
There's some nice Easter eggs and references to classic horrors and some of the kill scenes brought to mind movies like "the collection" and "terrifier".
It's still pretty naff and some of it just felt kind of mean but as a horror fan and a gore hound, I thought it was a lot of fun too.
AVPR: Aliens vs Predator - Requiem (2007)
More weak fan service
Just like the previous instalment this movie had lots of promise and there are good things but overall it did not deliver.
Thing I like:
Xenomorphs on earth in an urban setting. It's what I wanted last time and I like it as an idea. The Predalien is a good idea and its egg laying abilities are terrifying. The movie is pretty gory and there's a scene in the hospital which is pretty gruesome. The little glimpse of the Predator home planet was cool.
What I didn't like:
I could barely see it. It was shot so dark it's a really tough watch. The Xenos have almost devolved into vermin. They seem to lack the wit and the threat that we saw in Alien and Aliens and just sort of run around like rats. There's the same issue with how quickly the Xenos gestate and become fully grown. The dialogue is cheap, the characters are bland, the magic blue stuff was annoying and honestly I just really do not understand why it is so dark.
Like the last one, it isn't considered canon and I would agree with that. There's some fun moments but it should be a lot better, and brighter.
AVP: Alien vs. Predator (2004)
Match-up miss-match
Things I like about this movie:
Lance Henrikson playing Wayland was a nice treat and offered a tiny bit of franchise continuity. The first scene where a predator comes face-to-face with a xenomorph was pretty cool and the ensuing fight was pretty decent. Fans had waiting a long time to see that on the big screen and it was nicely done. The enemy-of-my-enemy-is-my-friend team up. The predator making some armour for our final girl was nice. The set design was good. The predator king.
Things I didn't like:
The dialogue. The acting. The naff explanation of the fall of all earths ancient civilisations. The arctic setting. The speed with which xenos now gestate and become full grown. The plot in general.
It's not considered cannon in either franchise and with good reason. It's a nice bit of fan service and it would have made a decent comic book but it's a pretty weak cinematic offering.
Sous la Seine (2024)
Decent sharks thrills
Shark movies as a sub genre really do cover an enormous spectrum of quality and watchability.
One end has movies like Jaws and the shallows, whilst the other end has titles like mega shark vs giant octopus and ghost shark. I'd put this one on the better half of that spectrum. This is better than a whole host of shark movies I've sat through and I really quite enjoyed it.
The undertone is strongly one of climate change but I don't think it harps on like it's a statement kind of movie and there's a fair amount of fun here.
The CGI is a little ropey in places but the cast do a decent job and the end is interesting.
Mainly though, the attack scenes are all pretty good and there's plenty of blood and chaos.
I'll watch any shark movie going and I did enjoy this.
Civil War (2024)
Didn't really deliver
Alex Garland has done some fantastic work and I was looking forward to this. Unfortunately I just didn't think this one stood up so well.
It's a pretty interesting idea and it does ask a few very relevant questions. The dystopian feel of a fractured and separatist nation doesn't take too much imagination to believe and is suitably frightening. The notion that we have as much to fear from each other as we do from the establishment seems pretty relevant.
My main issue is that I didn't feel the movie really went anywhere. Kirsten Dunst plays her part well and she really gives off weary and troubled. In fact all the cast did a decent job. Jesse Plemmons in particular was fantastic as usual.
The movie just plodded along with no real surprises and then just kind of ended.
There is some provocative imagery and given this was essentially a story about a couple of war photographers, that landed well enough.
Overall I just don't think this will be remembered as one of Alex Garlands better efforts, if it's remembered at all.
Poolman (2023)
Didn't land for me
I think Chris Pine's intention was to create an homage to LA noir movies of yesteryear peppered with a bit of crime, a bit of mystery and a bit of dark comedy. Trouble is I don't think any of it landed.
The movie looks good. It's well shot and has the visual feel I imagine was intended.
The plot, rather than being intriguing and complex is an absolute mess, the comedy doesn't land and Pine's attempts to create a deep and tragic lead just result in an annoying, waffling buffoon.
The cast is pretty underused in my opinion. Annette Benning, Danny DeVito and Jennifer Jason-Leigh should be offering plenty of clout but really are bit parts.
Not for me I'm afraid.
Tarot (2024)
Not very good
This is a really good example of why so many people don't like horror.
A group of pretty teens unwittingly get themselves caught up in some supernatural shenanigans and become canon fodder for some demonic entity.
There's a raft of jump scares (though I use to word 'scare' lightly) and each of those is accompanied by jarring sound effects almost as if the director doesn't trust that he can even make you jump. There's a bit of middle of the road CGI and a personal bug bear of mine, an accessible expert on hand who can explain in great detail exactly what is going on. Then dies.
It's just a really shallow, cursed object, jump scare marathon with cliche characters and annoying exposition and there are loads of movies just like this.
Which Brings Me to You (2023)
Terrible
So this is a movie about a couple of walking red flags doing a whole bunch of red flagging and eventually winning a happy ending.
I hate it.
The supermarket musical score is as terrible as it is entirely fitting.
It wants to be a movie about redemption and learning from mistakes with a heartwarming there's-someone-for-everyone outcome but it isn't. What it is instead is an exercise in excusing terrible behaviour, a commitment deficit, emotional gaslighting and a complete lack of personal accountability.
None of the characters are likeable and are portrayed with a by-the-numbers cast. Overall I just hated that these people got a chance of happiness after being such terrible people for all of their adult lives.
The Ministry of Ungentlemanly Warfare (2024)
What 'the expendables' would love to be
Apparently based on the true story of the first ever deniable military mission which lead to what we now think of as 'black ops' this movie is a whole bunch of fun.
The ensemble cast is suave and cheeky, the action is decent and the fighting brutal. Henry Cahill is always impressive and Alan Ritchson is a lot of fun.
It has a lot of hallmarks of a Guy Ritchie movie and although it's no lock stock, it's certainly better than Robin Hood.
There were a couple of moments where I felt it was trying to be Tarantino's inglorious and there are some parallels but those moments were fleeting.
In a way, I think this is the movie the expendables would love to be.
Overall I really enjoyed this one.
Sting (2024)
Average creature feature
Yeah it's okay.
It's fun enough. There's some nice gore and a few moments that'll make your skin crawl.
On the flip side there's a lot here that makes no sense at all and I didn't find it scary.
I like that we have no idea what this thing is or where it came from. Most movies would find a way of explaining that and I like a bit of mystery and intrigue. The unknown element is a bit of a cover for some plot holes though and it doesn't add up to a particularly coherent plot.
That said, what do I want? It's a movie about a giant, murderous spider.
Comic relief is a bit cliche and the cliffhanger came with zero sense of surprise but it's an enjoyable enough romp and it's certainly better that a lot of shark movies about.
Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire (2024)
Fun and trash
Look, nobody is watching these movies because they want water tight plots and engaging human stories. We're here because we want to see giant things smashing stuff up.
Movies like this are like a Big Mac. It's not real food but it has its place.
It is a whole load of silly, loud, goofy fun.
The opening of this movie sees Kong luring a pack of giant hollow earth hyena things into a complex mechanical trap. He then takes a shower after covering himself in the blood of one of those giant hyena things having torn it in half whilst letting out a trademark intimidating roar.
The first human moment sees Jia (the small girl from versus) having some psychic visions.
It is that ridiculous.
There was a "surprise" death that was possibly the most telegraphed in history and a scene where a monarch monitoring station, in hollow earth, has been destroyed. (Remember that hollow earth is huge, mostly uncharted and full of giant monsters) and the question is asked "What could have done this?"
Giant mechanical arm ex machina. Loads of explanation for stuff we didn't ought to have figured out. Magic mind control. Magic gravity control.
There's a kind of anti gravity fight which is pretty decent and scenes of our favourite titans on Rio beach, Giza and even having a nap in Rome's Colloseum.
Honestly it's ridiculous. Ridiculous and very enjoyable.