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Reviews
The Bikeriders (2023)
Jodie Comer's Accent is Horrific
It all looks fine, it's a passable story that doesn't go anywhere. Lot's of of people standing around trying to look cool and embrace their inner Steve McQueen or Robert Mitcham but not quite hitting the mark.
But the real killer is Jodie Comer, I'm not sure why she is so lauded, her accent in Killing Zoe was horrific & here again in the Bikeriders. It makes it a war of attrition to get through the film listening to her. I can only describe it as listening to a cat being strangled while some plays the violin badly.
If you're expecting some incarnation of Son's of Anarchy this is not for you.
Hotel Cocaine (2024)
Some Terrible Terrible Acting
This seems to suffer an identity crisis, it doesn't know if its a gangster story or part comedy. The production values are low, onviously most of it is shot in what is supposed to be a hotel. It feels like its just away to use a cheap set. Every two minutes there is some level of nudity which is shoved in for mere titillation. Mr Feuerstein's acting is abysmal, he actually could do with taking some cocaine to improve his acting skills. It seems to be getting worse as it goes on, there aren't many redeeming features. I had expected it to be similar to Narcos i was sadly mistaken. My advice would be to stay clear and don't waste time.
Cleaning Up (2019)
The Script needs a good cleaning
Dear God this went from 0 to daft in super quick time. Firstly how they managed to make six episodes from this is beyond me. Sheridan Smith is terrible, the over acting and ridiculous pantomime facial expressions killed any plausibility. Without giving anything away there is nothing quite like Scooby Doo villians, that when caught explain everything and completely implicate themselves, "why if it wasn't for you pesky kids we would have gotten away with it..." moments inbound. I can only implore you not to waste your time, it makes Coronation Street look like a dose of reality.
It looks and feels like it was made on a string shoe budget, especially the script which I'm guessing was written in crayon.
Rebel Moon - Part One: A Child of Fire (2023)
LAST STAR FIGHTER
People keep comparing this to Starwars, but the story is more in keeping with the Last Star Fighter.
The opening scene actually feels like trying to recreate Inglorious Bastards in space with a tense exchange between the bad guy and a farmer.
Visually it's fine, no different from current Sci-Fi movies and TV. The problem seem some of the acting and script are a bit hokey.
I do think its interesting people complaining about a slight female being the badass protagonist...these people have obviously never watched Aliens or Dawn of the Dead.
In a nutshell it passable watching, nothing ground breaking nor Zack Snyder's best work.
The Last of Us (2023)
Jump Aboard the Hype Train
The last if us is good, but it's far from what the inflated rating would have you believe.
The acting is solid, the story is okay. But I cant see were the 9.1 rating is coming from.
The first episode was good, the second episode meandered away from the main story to show us a love story, which basically didn't progress the story. Now episode four does the same thing, gives us a flashback, another love story that doesn't move things on.
Is this an attempt to flesh things out? To me it didn't add to the story. First we have two gay men, now to gay women. While I im not of the fan of the expression "woke", I could see how people could make that accusation.
Zack Synder beautifully depicts a sense or panic and despair in Dawn Of The Dead, especially in it's opening scenes. I hoped The Last Of Us would hit the same note, but it hasn't matched it.
To quote Elivs, "a little more action" would help this series. Please don't let it turn into what The Walking Dead became after season 1.
Kaleidoscope (2023)
Muddy Brown
So Kaleidoscope, watch it anyway you want gimmick...Does it work? Nope, it's a mess if you do. I watched the Pink episode before seeing the heist, rendering it pretty pointless.
It felt like a chore watching the remainder.
Some of the episodes feel like filler, they don't add much and just drag the whole thing out.
If you liked Oceans 11 to Ocean 19 or whatever the last one was you will probably enjoy this.
If you have nothing better to do it's passable casual viewing to laugh at the horrible "de-aging"....and the mistakes like two people on a pier taking by a bench, the camera pans out and the dissappear. Magic, unless the both jumped into the water. How did that get past the editor?
The Patient (2022)
Patience with Patient
The idea is interesting, but the episodes while short enough seem dragged out. There doesn't seem to be any cliff hangers or any excitement to keep you coming back.
Our villan is also fairly annoying which makes it a bit tedious. If you watched Damher you see how unsettling a character can be portrayed, without over over cooking it.
The majority of the scenes take place in a basement between the protagonist and the villan. It becomes repetitive and there isn't any great chemistry between the two of them. You find yourself will one of them to bite the dust to move things along.
There are currently a multitude of better series out there to waste your time watching.
Andor (2022)
Star Wars....without aliens.
I've seen this described as the best Star Wars series and "what Star Wars should be"...
Let's look at what it is, a story about how the rebellion raised funds, the prequel to a previous prequel...Rogue One.
Is it necessary in the Star Wars lore? No.
Is the story original? No, pretty much a heist in space with no pivotal alien characters.
That's about the bones of it.
The acting is good, but it's not enough to save a fairly boring story. There is none of the charm of the original movies nor any major characters you're rooting for.
If you want to compare it other sci-fi that's out there, one word Severance, now there is an original exciting series with great characters.
Tulsa King (2022)
Tulsa Yawn
I was looking forward to the pilot of Tusla King because of the writers and directors involved. I know it's early days, but you would expect the first episode to grab your attention. The only thing that surprised me was how much of a non-event it was.
Stallone's acting is wooden and he maintains the same expression through every scene, though that could be he literally can't move his face at this point. He also delivers his lines almost mumbling. It seems a very strange choice of lead to cast for this.
As for all the early 10 star reviews...I'm going to guess that's industry intervention or there were a lot of people high on meth while watching it.
Here's hoping it gets better.
Gecko's Garage - 2D (2015)
Fantastic and Educational
Gecko's Garage is colourful and nicely paced for toddlers, not manic like some cartoons.
The dialogue is simplistic and allows children to pick up on words. It's education also which is great.
The only draw back is at the time of writting this, is there are only a few episodes which are very short in running time. But hopefully success of the show will lead to additional seasons.
I also wish there were toys to accompany the show as my daughter has become obcessed with Bobby the bus, which is very cute.
If your child is between 1 and 5 I would strongly recommend this tittle to entertain them.
The Bear (2022)
It's not a comedy!!!!..Appearantly
I've read lots of reviews which feel the need to point out that this IS NOT a comedy (it definitely ain't funny)
Which would lead me to ask the question why are there goofy characters and very silly situations???
The Bear is in 30 minute episodes that are fine for casual viewing. It's nothing super original or anything that's going to set the world alight...the only thing surprising is the questionable high ratings it gets? Seemingly there are a lot of very bored people out there with low expectations.
This bear ain't got no claws or teeth.
The Sandman (2022)
For Adults???
I was aware of the source material before watching this but never read the comics. I was looking forward it but...
It's hard to tell what the demographic it's aimed at is, it's 18s but there are stupid gargoyles that look like Puff The Magic Dragon?? Some of the CGI really is dreadful, it looks cheap.
I gave up into the second episode, not for me.
Prey (2022)
Predators Must be Sick of Getting Murdered by Humans
Prey looks great, fabulous cinematography, decent acting.
However, it adds nothing to the Predator story. It's simply Predator battling with native Indians. No side story, no twist no turns.
Your left going, ok, that wasn't bad but it wasn't anything exciting or new either.
Resident Evil (2022)
Outbreak of Terrible Acting
Problems with this:
1) lead actresses are terrible
2) soundtrack is appalling
3) the writing is terrible
4) they didn't consider the original source material.
Apart from that it's grand...
Blackbird (2022)
Flatley Slicker than Daniel O' Donnell at a KY Wrestling Tournment
Ask any Irish person who Michael "big swinging Mickey" Flatley is and they will proudly tell you he's Ireland's answer to Batman.
The release date on the movie is 2022, but it was produced in 2018, why? Simply to give time to plan for the logistical nightmare of the ques of frenzied fans outside Irish Cinemas.
Flatley turns in a performance seconded only by Keiko in Free Willy the movie, and will no doubt receive an Oscar nod or the nobel peace prize.
The Last Days of Ptolemy Grey (2022)
Poor Attempt to pull at the heart strings
Not a bad series, but the premise and story which is fairly thin is really dragged out. It really out stays it's welcome. Samuel L. Jackson should end up in the Guinness Book of records for repeating a name more time in a series...every two minutes its "Coydog...Coydog...Coydog", it becomes pretty wearing.
The Staircase (2022)
Stairway to Boredom
Firstly this really took liberties showing the personal conversations, a lot of conjecture presented as fact.
I have to agree with other review this could have been a whole lot shorter a series.
It really is draged out to tedium.
You actually get bored of seeing different ways Kathleen could have died.
Barry (2018)
NOHO-Hank is the real star
Just finished season 3 and the trajectory is downward. The first season was great but it seems like it's loosing steam. The 3rd season lacks the charm and fun of the first season.
Noho-Hank is enough to keep you watching when some of the other characters are becoming a bit tiresome.
Vikings: Valhalla (2022)
Vikings had the most perfect teeth
Why is it all the main characters had perfect brilliant white perfect smiles? Did vikings have the best orthodontists? It just looks silly when all the leads look like they are models. Hardly realistic or authentic.
Never mind my silly rant, apart from this it's fairly average and pedestrian stuff. Very forgettable.
Station Eleven (2021)
Symphony of Destruction
Himish Patel and David Wilmot are both exceptional in this. While the stories of the initial collapse of society are interesting, the silliness of the "Travelling Symphony" really detracts from the the show and really ruin it for me. I was drawn into to flashback stories and then annoyed every time I had to endure the present story line with the Symphony.
Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City (2021)
They Should Have Watched Dawn of The Dead
It's hokey and silly, some down right dreadful acting...the horror is the script, it's a real shocker.
How hard can it be to make a good horror especially with all the source material of the game?
Mayor of Kingstown (2021)
The Shield it aint
Big actors, some confusing story telling and a not too plausible story mixed with some dreadful dialogue at times makes this average at best.
Then there are absolutely ridiculous scenes, like a female victim of a brutal assault being asked to strip to show her injuries by two FBI agents, one being male...and they do this in an office with Civilians present....just completey stupid.
It's like a poor man's Shield. It feels like an opportunity lost.
Kin (2021)
F-Kin Terrible
Nikita and a few other characters literally mumble through their lines. A master class in over acting from a grieving mother...just cringe stuff at times.
Five stars is super generous.
Reprisal (2019)
How did this get cancelled!!??
This series was beautifully dark intriguing and unusual with great story telling.
There could have been a spin off series just about the Monster Crew. Craig Tate and Wavvy Jonez play their characters brilliantly.
Just sorry we will never get a conclusion because it ends on a knife edge.
La casa de papel (2017)
Good if you are 13 years old
I really and truely do not get the brilliant reviews. You really have to suspend all logic, it may as well be sci-fi.
They lock themselves away for months planning this heist...and within the first hour they have manage to let a teenage girl get access to a phone and leave people unsupervised to run around the bank. Then going soft for captives.
Just ridiculous.