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Reviews
The Crow (2024)
This Crow is roadkill
Absolute trash. Only tenuously connected to the original. Calling this a remake is an insult to both the original movie and the word "remake." Nothing about this movie is good, or entertaining, or interesting. "Let's take a much-loved movie and remake it, but get rid of everything good about the original." This makes.the Edward Furlong-led "The Crow: Wicked Prayer" look Oscar worthy. This steaming pile of turd and the equally turdarific "Road House" remake should result in remakes being illegal. Everyone involved in this disaster should be ashamed and serve some sort of penence.
In short, this movie sucks more than a Dyson vacuum cleaner.
Camp Pleasant Lake (2024)
Awful ag
This movie is really, really bad, but not like the fun kind of bad. There is nothing in this movie that is interesting or entertaining. The acting is not anywhere near as good as you would find at an elementary school play performed by terrified children. There is not a word yet in existence that can adequately express how terrible this is. It's like if you took all the worst parts of good (or entertainingly bad) horror films stirred together to make a stew of absolute trash. This isn't even fun if you're drunk and/or high. Anything you do is better than watching this turd salad.
All in all, I did not like it.
Halloween (2007)
Garbage
Every character is an over-the-top caricature. It's terrible. The only things enjoyable are the incredible Brad Dourif and the ravishing Danielle Harris.
Deadly Women (2008)
Terrible narration
This show is good and interesting except for the terrible narration. The narrator has an odd, distracting way of speaking. She puts accents in places where they don't fit and pauses in even weirder places. The flow of her speech is distracting.
Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2022)
Garbage
There is nothing redeeming or interesting about this trash pile of a movie. You'd be better off just watching an actual chainsaw run. The only thing worse than the story is the acting.
Wieners (2008)
Kenan Thompson ruins this
This might have been a goofy road trip movie but Kenan's overacting made every scene he's in intolerable. Everyone else is fine. Darrell Hammond is great spoofing TV therapists like Dr. Phil.
Old (2021)
Interesting idea
The execution was poor. The acting was cheesy at times and some of the camera angles were amateurish. I had high hopes, because sometimes I'm dumb like that.
The Harder They Fall (2021)
Wiley is Disgusting
My rating would be higher is Wiley wasn't such a disgusting, noisy eater. He deserved that butt-kicking. I had to fast forward through that scene. Otherwise it was pretty decent. Idris Elba always delivers. 0.
La casa de papel (2017)
Bad
It starts out fairly interesting but as the show progresses it gets worse. These are the worst cops of all time. This show will attempt to stretch your suspension of disbelief beyond all possible limits. They could have wrapped it up in the first season and it would have been a decent one-season show, but nope...they kept going and ruined it.
Malignant (2021)
Bad
Some of the reviews here talk about how the movie is supposed to be "campy" and that that is the joke. It's not over the top enough to qualify as camp, IMO. The only entertaining thing about this is the way the killer moves. Everything else is terrible. I would rather have a colonoscopy while fully awake than watch this movie again. I've had more entertaining poops.
Snake Eyes: G.I. Joe Origins (2021)
Not Snake Eyes
They had 40 years of mythology to draw from and disregarded pretty much all of it. This barely resembles him. It's, again, Hollywood ruining a character by rewriting his entire history.
I Spit on Your Grave III: Vengeance Is Mine (2015)
Torture
The acting in this movie is worse than any of the torture shown. It's hammier than an all-pork butcher shop.
Josie Jane: Kill the Babysitter (2020)
Terrible
This movie is pretty bad all around. Acting is really weak. But the most ridiculous thing is trying to pass off Sadie and Josie as being even close to the same age. Josie gotta be in her 30s. Pigtails don't cut someone's age in half, yo.
Kickin' It Old Skool (2007)
Bad
I grew up in the '80s and thought it might be a fun "flashback" movie, but Jamie Kennedy is so, so bad. To quote Michael Rosenbaum's character, "He ruins everything!" And he does. What might have been a fun fish out of water-type movie loaded with '80s head-nods to the silliness of that decade is, instead, an absolute turd-fest. Kennedy sucks all the entertainment out of this movie with his continuously derp-faced performance. I cannot adequately express how much he sucks and single-handedly ruins this movie.
Goodbye Honey (2020)
Garbage
This movie is terrible. Never mind the bad acting, which can be overlooked on account of the low budget, but some of the story elements make any sense. She drives a moving truck but can't keep track of her keys, has no organization or care taken with the stuff she's hauling, the girl who escaped and needs help is terrible at asking for help or explaining why she needs it...this movie is not worth your time. Nobody in this movie is even remotely likable.
Amusement (2008)
Absolute trash
It's bad but not in the fun way. Absolute garbage. The killer's motivation is probably the stupidest thing I've ever seen put to film.
Max Winslow and the House of Secrets (2019)
Bad
There is nothing redeeming about this movie. It's even bad for a mid-80s after school special movie. It wants to tell you to be the real you in the most boring, heavy-handed way.
Hubie Halloween (2020)
Another stinkfest
It's just more unfunny Sandler garbage, where he talks by sticking his jaw out and sounding like his parents are siblings. Not one bit of funny here. Punch yourself in the face and you'll laugh more.
Criminal Minds: The Replicator (2013)
Amateurs
These guys know better than to handle unfamiliar items without gloves on. There's no excuse for them to make these rookie mistakes, especially when they're on high alert knowing their being hunted. It felt like it was written by a middle school kid with no knowledge of how a trained law enforcement agent would handle potential evidence or danger.
The Binge (2020)
Garbage
There is nothing good about this movie. It's not funny at all, and the climactic showdown at the end is maybe the dumbest thing I've ever seen.
Relic (2020)
Boring
This film is dull. It drags and drags between moments where nothing really happens. It definitely wasn't even remotely scary.
Initiation (2016)
Poor
This is a bad movie. There are so many punches in the fight scenes that clearly miss, and the Marine training scenes seemed written by someone who knows nothing about it.
An Evening with Beverly Luff Linn (2018)
Incredible Weirdness
For real, this movie has the tone you should be expecting if you're familiar with these actors. Sure, not everyone will like it, but I enjoyed it. Wonderfully weird performances from the cast.
Sleight (2016)
Falls Aparr
The idea is an interesting one and the performances are top notch, but the execution crumbles. The magnets work on every metal in this movie, unlike real life. They should've asked someone with even a basic understanding of magnets to proofread the script. Like the Insane Clown Posse. Magnets. How do they work? Not like this.
Busanhaeng (2016)
Zombies
I don't know what some of you are on about, but the first zomvie we see in a Romero film, 1968's "Night of the Living Dead" (the "Cemetery Zombie") not only runs but picks up a rock to try to smash the car window in. And whoever said they're only zombies if they've been buried? The Cemetery Zombie had also never been buried. All they really have to be is reanimated dead.. Clearly some of you have no idea what you're talking about.