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Reviews
Vlad (2003)
the return of goat-boy!
I just saw this movie last night, cause it look interesting. An award-winning and critically acclaimed b-movie. It should work as a warning call, i know... Because if it won an award at some horror movie festival... and some critics liked it... there's a good chance it's really really pretentious! And what do you know? It was! Ha HA HAA! Some people say here on IMDb that it is an "intellegent vampire movie". This movie has the same problems most Asian horror movies has. Its too damn "smart" for its own good. And its also supposed to be romantic and sexy, because anyone with half a brain knows that the whole vampire mythology and Dracula is all about sex. But this was more like watching one of those Harlequin movies my mother likes. I'm not banging independent vampire flicks... but i've seen better ones... and worse... Vlad is better then say... way of the vampire. And in i'ts defense i can say that Hollywood hasn't put out a decent vampire movie in... well... i guess the early 70's. And yes i am counting the chick flick "bram stokers Dracula".
Oh, and if they ever make a movie about Lenin, Billy Zane should play the lead! Anyway, don't rent or buy this... pick up a copy of "dracula 2001"... it's rubbish too... but you can always amuse yourself by staring at Jeri Ryans tits. Unless you're in to the whole goat boy look, then Vlad is the movie for you!
Forest of the Damned (2005)
Why? It could have been great!
OK me and a friend rented this a few days ago because we like to keep track of b-movies since we do them ourselves. Anyway, the cover contained blood and weird looking naked girls with fangs and stuff... and Tom Savini! There is just no way this movie can fail! Right? wrong!! It just seems like such a waste! There was really no story, the dialog was terrible (is anyone there? x 1000!!!), the characters were.. well, they really lacked any kind of personality... The effects were terrible.. and whats up with these long artsy shots of scared people running around doing nothing.. with extreme closeups of eyes and stuff? We were sitting the whole movie waiting for something... anything to happen... but no... "oh, here comes the nymphs! great! oh.. they're kissing... again... and now for the violence! OK... nothing really happens... again... oh, now they run around... and the closeups of eyes... again... oh, heres Tom Savini! Oh... he died... right... OK, maybe now something cool or even interesting will happen.. no.. oh! Cool! a severed head! the end... oh crap.." And finally, since i'm so full of myself.. i'll tell you this! Give me a van, six actors, a weird looking house, Tom Savini, a couple of naked girls with fangs and buckets of blood and i could make the coolest movie you've ever seen... I've made movies with zero budget in two days that has better effects, better acting and a better script than this... what is this Johannes guy doing?? Making cool movies is easy!It could have been so great... I'm really upset!!