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thalassafischer
I very much prefer the aesthetics of horror movies from Mid-Sixties Bava to Early Eighties Fulci, and everything in between - but especially ghost stories, hauntings, big old houses and atmospherics in general.
I am genuinely turned off by torture, mutilation, physical sadism, and the aesthetics of tacky, gross horror. I'm not "too good" for it - I just hate it.
I'm more of a Gothic Romanticism type, I feel right at home with ghosts and retro nostalgic horror.
I am terrified of puppets and dummies.
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The Creepiest Shows From My Childhood
The Best of Horror Houses and Hotels 1970-1980
Every Giallo I Have Seen
Reviews
Tess (1979)
Roman Polanski Being Awful
Some people love this beautiful version of Tess of the D'urbervilles, mistakenly believing its true to the novel "to the point of boredom." Nothing could be further from the truth. A pederast and rapist made a film about a pederast raping a woman.
Natassja Kinkski made a terrible and false Tess. She looks like a vacant porn actress throughout the entire disaster, where as the character of Tess of the D'urbervilles was of an overtly moral and ethical young woman who has such uncompromising beliefs that she blames herself for being raped, buries her baby secretly by moonlight in the churchyard for fear it will burn in hell, ruins her own life by "confessing" her rape to her awful, conventional Victorian middle class husband who can't get over her not being a virgin, and who is later only vindicated by murder.
This was not a book for a perv like Polanski to touch. Though I have nothing but the highest praise for his disturbing and artful 1976 film The Tenant, and acknowledge the Gothic beauty of Rosemary's Baby for its ironically divine place in horror history, the existence of 1979s Tess is a total tragedy.
Yuck.
Tess of the D'Urbervilles (1998)
My Preferred Version
I like this 1998 version of Tess versus the 2008 BBC depressing attempt, the latter of which I found off-putting.
Originally, Tess of the D'urbervilles as a novel was something of an antidote to Charles Dickens' dark social justice stories about tormented working class people in dirty, dangerous 19th century cities. Thomas Hardy's elegant celebration of rural agricultural people in 1800s England rivals the natural beauty of Emily Bronte's Wuthering Heights from several decades earlier, while addressing what Hardy saw as a vanishing way of life; he was something of an early environmentalist, along with his Russian contemporary, Tolstoy. Hardy felt working class people lived in their full health and human dignity in pastoral settings.
Tess of the D'urbervilles is also something of a strange proto-feminist portrayal of a woman punished by an unjust, prudish Victorian society still seeped in patriarchal norms. Hardy found no conflict in defending victimized women like Tess in political protest along with his own Christian views.
It very much rivals Bronte's earlier ghost story on all of these fronts, and I would say they're probably my two favorite novels from the 19th century. This televised version almost does it justice.
We're All Going to the World's Fair (2021)
This is Certainly a Choice
The World's Fair was a very popular event back when there was no Internet, television or other visual means to easily spread information about scientific inventions, works of art, and "the accomplishments of nations." Therefore I felt I was almost set up to expect some vintage Steampunk or other early 20th century atmosphere as a direct reference to the now underwhelming global event. Nope.
Instead it's the name of a YouTube horror game (stupid choice in my opinion, but it's certainly a choice) which approaches the very real topic of young and potentially mentally unstable viewers to participate in dangerous challenges. I think we all are aware in 2024 that this is a thing and that it is harmful to kids and teens.
I was kind of torn for the first 30 minutes about the atmosphere and realism of waking nightmares as an adult who has sleep paralysis incidents, but then there's an overly long annoying ASMR video and it made me realize this is the same self-indulgent nonsense this director injected into the over-rated I Saw the TV Glow. If you relate to it fine, but I don't.
La novia ensangrentada (1972)
Wanted Simon Andreu to Die The Whole Time
The atmosphere for The Blood Spattered Bride is good, but as a bisexual woman I found it unnecessarily repetitive and even a bit sexist. Simon Andreu as "the husband" is a sadistic creep and I didn't blame Susan one bit for wanting to kill him. But scene after scene he doesn't actually die - she just dreams about being a long dead woman and thinks she's murdered him in her sleep, only to wake up to his annoying face over and over again.
The husband pushes his wife repeatedly down into the dirt, chokes her without enthusiastic consent and is just generally a massive loser. I think the plot would have been better if the young bride's behavior was actually strange, unexpected or unusual.
In Sheridan Le Fanu's original lesbian vampire tale, a vampire pretends to be an orphaned teen girl who seduces a very sheltered, wealthy teen girl when her family takes "the vampire" in through pity. One of the best modern recreations is a 2019 literal version which evokes sympathy for the relationship between the two young woman rather than condemning lesbianism as "evil."
In comparison, this one is totally meh (at best).
Wonka (2023)
Musical is Meh
When this started out as a musical I was like "oh no" but I still kept watching. It's cute enough and mildly amusing since I wanted something light to take my mind off of things, but Wonka is not especially engaging.
The music is not good. I wish they had made this into a straight comedy without the musical elements or maybe hired a choreographer to pair some dancing with the tunes, I don't know.
I found Wonka's relationship with Noodle confusing since he was obviously a young adult while she was clearly a child in her tweens or very early teens. I guess it's supposed to be an innocent friendship, like an older brother, but then there's this pseudo-romantic number when they dance on air ...I just...I don't know what to do with this movie.
Clearly it was made for a different generation or maybe it really isn't all that good.
Starve Acre (2023)
Unconvincing and Underwhelming
I was looking forward to "1970s atmosphere" but there's nothing of the kind. The recent film Longlegs was so much more convincing as 20th century atmosphere. Instead, Starve Acre could have happened any time in the past 15 years if the Millennial married couple liked vintage clothes.
The kid is a sociopath, or a budding one who hurts animals and laughs about birds dying, so no big loss when he dies.
The couple gives physical form to a huge bunny rabbit named Jack after their son dies. There's a scene at the very end with the wife character breast feeding the bunny but I didn't find it disturbing at all since I don't hate cute hairy mammals.
Maybe this is disturbing to child loving animal haters, but to me it bordered on the ridiculous and failed to hold my attention. Reminded me a lot of Lamb from 2021, but Lamb was marginally better.
Nude... si muore (1968)
Quirky and Charming Proto-Slasher
Technically, Naked You Die is a Giallo but it has the light-heartedness and humor of a teen slasher despite the kills. With the exception of the opening sequence, the film takes place at an exclusive all girls high school where the poor little rich girls who don't have loving families are forced to board (bored) there for the summer.
The adorable Sally Smith plays the precocious and lovable Jill, while Eleanora Brown stars as the sensitive and imaginative Lucille, who may or may not be in love with a serial killer.
I really enjoyed this movie and am truly surprised it's not considered a lost classic from the 60s, as it appears to be an international project with a large enough budget.
Omicidio per vocazione (1968)
Decent Giallo from the Late 1960s
Deadly Inheritance takes the framework of your average Agatha Christie novel from 1930s upper class England and places it in 1960s working class France. Though it starts out a bit chintzy (a deaf man would feel the vibrations of the train on the tracks, just to let you know) Omicidio per vocazione unfurls into an engaging mystery with a couple of likable characters you may actually be sorry to see die.
The patriarch passes on and leaves an unexpected inheritance in his will, but the catch is that his adopted son - a disabled 18 year old boy - must be cared for by the family until his 21st birthday and only then will the money be split between them. Of course, all hell breaks loose.
Alla ricerca del piacere (1972)
My Least Favorite Barbara Bouchet Giallo
Amuck! Is the kind of low-grade, juvenile Giallo that appeals to sex crazed incels and teenaged boys. While some subtle erotica is fine, this one needlessly piles on the soft core porn with two different assault scenes on top of that, so trigger warning is advised.
There is a mystery but it isn't very interesting or even twisty. Bouchet's character is stupid and takes absurd risks - your typical prototype for later slasher flicks in the U. S. No one in their right mind would have continued hanging around, and certainly wouldn't do a 180 and start trusting the suspects.
I am however giving it a five because it is very good-looking, filmed in Venice, with a great estate house and lovely furnishings.
Famously Haunted: Amityville (2021)
Ok Documentary, Not Fantastic
If you have seen one of the main films (the 1979 version or the 2005 version) and/or read the "biographical" novel from 1970s this might interest you. It does bring together some elements that can't be found from what would be considered original sources. For example there are new personal accounts from real neighbors and alleged psychics who have a direct connection to the actual house.
On the other hand, it keeps flashing the same photos on the screen over and over again, and has tacky details like the interviews with Ric Osuna - a weirdly misogynistic and fan boi-ish biographer who chose to blame one of the victims, the oldest sister Dawn, for Ronnie's murders. Everyone knows his version(s) are completely fanciful lies, not least of all because Dawn was found in bed just like all of the other family members; there's no evidence of this musical bodies fiction where Ronnie agreed to kill the parents but killed Dawn because she allegedly assassinated the children.
The history of this topic is pretty gross, all things considered. There are dozens of low-budget schlocky flicks that mock the very real tragedy that happened in 1974, which in my opinion is disturbing enough on its own.
The Exorcism (2024)
Crowe Really Bent Over Backward for This Stupid Role
I just can't go on. I made it through a whole hour of mediocre mainstream horror film, but the scene with this chubby 50+ year old man bending over backwards and snapping up and down like a deranged gymnast was just too much. Too much stupidity.
I can see why this movie got so much hate. I was hoping for a supernatural horror film that was a little more subtle or maybe even vintage style but no.
It's criminal that The Exorcism seems to take some cues from The Exorcist. This movie unfolds like an eight year old with limited reading comprehension taking the script from the original 1970s classic, running it through a shredder, then piecing it back together by shape instead of text using a slew of terrible, low-budget post-2000 possession films as the glue.
The Pyx (1973)
Truly Unsettling Hidden Gem
The Pyx is so much better than the rating it has here, and I am taken aback that a movie with the award winning Karen Black has been lost through time this way. This film deserves a place with other slow burn, atmospheric horror of the 1970s.
I would recommend this to people who are into movies like Don't Look Now, Let's Scare Jessica to Death, Alice Sweet Alice, The Haunting of Julia and The Sentinel.
I feel like it's one of the most convincing examples of Satanic horror I've ever seen. It isn't as iconic as Rosemary's Baby but in several ways it is darker and more convincing while the 1960s Polanski film is tinged with humor and absurdity. The Pyx is gritty and kind of sad.
Horrors of the Black Museum (1959)
The Toupee of Doom
This movie being in color is hilarious because it reveals that the main character - a crippled mystery writer who is secretly a serial killer - has an hombre wig of dark toupee on white thinning hair. It is impossible to look at him without noticing the toupee.
He proceeds to conduct his secret experiments in The Black Museum, which is a crime museum that he boasts is superior to Scotland Yard's own boring artifacts. It frankly has nothing on the Hollywood Museum of Death but it does have a totally silly 1950s "computer" with kindergarten leavers and rainbow colored light bulbs.
Horrors of the Black Museum is amusing, but don't mistake that for quality.
Craze (1974)
Surprisingly Good Serial Killer Drama
Jack Palance ridiculously plays a "ladies man" at the ripe old age of 55. That anyone cast this geezer as a Lothario was beyond me. Most of his conquests makes sense - as they're bored housewife types and an escort, but his first date is a stunning model type in her mid-to-late 20s, and later a detective casts doubt on Jack's romantic interest in a 30 year old landlady and I'm just thinking "he's a geezer, he's nearly 60, is everyone peeing themselves with laughter after the director yells cut?"
If you can get past all of that silliness in the late year of 1974 (this isn't some bizarre Old Hollywood mismatch between teenaged Audrey Hepburn and a man who looks like her step-father) the plot of the film is surprisingly entertaining.
Persecution (1974)
Atmosphere is Peak 70s Relative with Old House
I love the atmosphere in Persecution though it is a low budget thriller. It captures an authentic essence of Silent Generation relative living in awesome old creepy house. I also love Lana Turner in aka The Graveyard.
There is actually a trilogy of Old Hollywood dames in 70s haunted house horror. Lana in this one, Bette Davis in Burnt Offerings and Ava Gardner in The Sentinel. Each aging beauty played her respective role to perfection.
I took a star away though because David as an individual is just bad and it doesn't quite hold up to blame his mother that he was cruel enough to murder a cat as a ten year old and then later cheats on his wife and accidentally kills her too. David was also likely carrying bad genes from his icky father.
13 Ghosts (1960)
Silly Children's Film
Thirteen Ghosts is lot like G rated commercial films from more recent years. The "ghosts" look like decorations from K-Mart instead of utilizing camera tricks that very much existed in 1960, by the way, which existed even in the 1920s, which would have allowed them to superimpose disturbing images of real people over the main screen, leading to a genuinely creepy product. No such luck.
The cursed house also looks like a sound studio, dull, dustless and neat as a pin. It's truly dreadful if you were hoping for a real horror movie. It's not even on the level of a Vincent Price flick from the same era. William Castle made Hammer and Amicus studios look brilliant in contrast with this kiddie level groaner.
Regression (2015)
She's Obviously Lying - What is the Point?
I really want to know what the point of this movie was, even being made in the first place.
Regression is about a seventeen year old girl who makes up a story about her family molesting her as part of a Satanic cult. The problem is that if you're more than seventeen years old yourself, you're probably quite familiar with Satanic Panic tropes and were hoping for a real horror movie.
Instead, the girl is obviously making things up and the psychiatrist is so overbearing that his part in the mess is clear as well. There's really no point to finishing the film, once you're halfway through it, you're just watching actors go through the motions of buying into a definitely bogus Satanic Panic case.
This is the kind of soap opera trash that belongs on Lifetime or Hallmark.
You Won't Be Alone (2022)
Irritating Beyond Belief
I enjoy folk horror, pretty atmospheric horror and even slow burn horror but I can't stomach this pretentious garbage at all.
The mute girl thinks crazy, non-sensical thoughts in her head about voices having colors and about things like underskin, and it's grating beyond belief. I cannot possibly sit through more than an hour of this kind of "I am fourteen and this is deep" nonsense "poetry" inside this disabled woman's inner monologue.
All I felt while watching You Won't Be Alone were feelings of irritation beginning with the baby crying to annoyance when being subjected to the baby's obnoxious pseudo-deep thoughts as a teen.
Trap (2024)
Tripe
This movie is AWFUL. Nothing M. Night Shyamalan has written or produced in years has been worth anything. To add insult to injury, this hack is using his privilege as a famous writer to push his stupid daughter and her totally generic, unimpressive R&B music on an unsuspecting audience. Like 1/3 of the movie is a concert.
Josh Hartnett also can't act at all. I know he's supposed to be weird and inauthentic since he's a bad guy pretending to be a normal dad, but the number of people whom he manages to trick defies all logic and reason. This movie is clearly for little kids and tweens, and not in a wholesome or inspiring way.
Shutter (2008)
Scummy Men, Stupid Enabler Wife
Wow yeah I saw this movie once before when I was younger and I didn't love it, but mostly my complaint was that the main couple is just too gratingly basic and privileged. Neither of them are relatable, nor likable, and it's almost a joke to think that the husband character Ben is an "artist."
But a lot of early 2000s movies were like this, similar to more recent Blumhouse trash featuring basic, wealthy unrelatable characters in mediocre horror films.
Now that I'm an adult I see how sexist this movie is and I hate it. I wanted Ben to DIE. HORRIBLY. The men who are bad are obviously bad, just like the lame original Scream film. There's no surprise twist, the men are scum and we watch over an hour of Stepford Wife pretending everything is okay.
There's really nothing left to say except there are a few nice old Japanese buildings.
Candy Corn (2019)
Ok Trashy Fake 80s Movie
Candy Corn could have most certainly been better. Mostly my problem with it is that the appearance of the film is way too post-2000. It really would have heightened the experience of the film and hidden some of the low-budget flaws to give it a softer focus, a grainier 20th century cinematographic style.
Otherwise Candy Corn is decent for what it is - a low budget Halloween themed movie. I liked the idea of the creepy carnival with the taxidermy animals, and the film makers did their part to harvest vintage Halloween decorations and a couple of old 1970s clunkers with a coat of fresh paint.
I never knew exactly what year it was, the cars looked like it could have been 1978 but all of the clothes and the telephones suggested approximately 1983-84. Meh.
Håndtering av udøde (2024)
Unsettling Zombie Film Tries Realism
Handling the Undead centers around the grief of people mourning the recently deceased. There are three families - an elderly father with an adult daughter who lost her young son, an older woman who just buried her wife, and a nuclear family with children where the mother suddenly dies in an accident.
Some people might ask if this movie really needed to be made, because not only is it sad, it seems to have a message that the dead are better left dead. Instead of the typical invasive zombie horror, loved ones greet their undead lovingly, who seem to be about as conscious as a severe Alzheimer's patient but otherwise remain harmless. They don't immediately start killing and eating living people, but they get there.
There's a really nasty scene of animal violence that I could live without, and I took a star away for it. It just seemed like nastiness on the part of the director.
However, the entire movie made me wonder if it this film were inspired by the writer(s) living around an elderly family member with dementia, rather than by traditional zombie horror as a sub-genre.
Somewhere Quiet (2023)
Captivating but Not for Everyone
I am the sort of person who found every moment of this film compelling. The acting is excellent. As the audience, you really have no idea what is happening. There is almost no way to spoil this movie, but I'm still going to put it behind a spoiler tag.
A woman is kidnapped and returned, then her husband who seems very caring to the point of being overbearing whisks her away to his family's beach front property in the forests of the Northeast. There she experiences a complete and total breakdown, triggered by the presence of his female cousin.
Meg suspects racism in his family, she suspects that Madeline isn't really her husband's cousin, and keeping with the tone of her being an unreliable narrator you start to feel sorry for her husband who probably thought having a relative around who was a woman would be helpful to his wife and make her feel safer. It has the complete opposite effect.
Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1978)
Atmosphere and Messaging On Point
It seems like Donald Sutherland always chose these nice atmospheric horror films in the 70s and I congratulate him for it. Invasion of the Body Snatchers is an enjoyable watch for its moody portrayal of San Francisco. The messaging, as far as I can tell, is a critique of corporate America - the idea of emotionless people replacing humans, claiming that it will advance civilization beyond its present state. The monsters also screamed like pigs to alert others when their conformity was challenged by a real human refusing rank and file. Whatever your analysis it works in an urban landscape full of yuppies, including the lifestyle of the main characters. They're all young urban professionals experiencing a bourgeoisie life but at what price?
However, I have to stop there and cannot lavish praise too highly. In 2024 the plot is a bit thin and trite, seemingly reinforcing conspiracy theory types, so it isn't great. The enemy is vague enough in this film to be problematic. Also, the banjo dog was completely unnecessary. Suddenly the spell of the movie was broken; I was like "hold up these are not serious people."
Killer Klowns from Outer Space (1988)
Creepy-Cute Horror Comedy Mocking the 1950s
If you're a child or a teen - or just a person who REALLY hates clowns - you might find Killer Klowns from Outer Space moderately disturbing. But for most adults this is an obvious horror comedy with cute clown-like creatures who kill humans with various circus tricks, storing their rotting corpses in cotton candy as a food source. They pie a police officer to death, and appear to reproduce through popcorn.
The whole movie is a spoof of 1950s monster movies like The Blob. A rookie cop and some college students take on the clown parade. It's honestly nothing special but holds up well for what it is, nearly 40 years later.