Change Your Image
thejelliclekat
Ratings
Most Recently Rated
Reviews
The Heiress (2019)
It's a SAD, SAD movie
TBH this movie does not deserve a 1 star. The Heiress is a boring movie with a painfully boring plot. With an incredibly boring pacing and jump scares.
It's available at Netflix. Nothing special in this movie. Don't waste your time watching this.
Curse of the Nun (2019)
I rather catch pnuemonia and die...
Story is bad. Acting is bad. Cinematography is bad. Everything is bad. Tried to copy Conjouring but even the title is a bad rip-off.
Plan 9 from Outer Space (1957)
Forgetting WW2 stock footage...
It takes a certain kind of skill to try so hard and still make utter crap. That's what's incredible about Plan 9. The awkward narration, anti-rhythmic editing, cartoonish acting, shoestring budget, all culminate in a final scene of browbeating exposition with some kind of message that makes us all shake our heads with amusment. A classic of bad cinema.
This film is so bad that is impossible not to like it. Aliens and vampires... What do you want more?
Can a movie be so bad that it is somehow good? But still horrifically bad...
They say 'Gone With the Wind' is one of the greatest movies EVER made, and this is supposed to be the WORST in cinema history. Give me 'Plan 9' ANY DAY over that pompous, overblown piece of crap. At least Plan 9 entertains.
The Phantom of the Opera (2004)
Great musical, memorable songs... kinda problimatic movie
I watched the original London production way back '86 (I was 8 years old back then) and I watched it again... thrice... at Broadway. Then here comes the film version...
Objectively, I know this movie has A LOT of problems, but I still enjoy watching it. This movie is a huge guilty pleasure for me and now that I'm older I can definitely see the flaws:
The changing of lyrics to dialogue is a huge problem. If they wanted more dialogue (why?) then write NEW dialogue, not the odd rhyming couplets (didn't Rent do this around the same time as well? Dreamgirls is usually almost though sung and they changed that for the movie too- and shouldn't have but at least they gave them new dialogue not spoken lyrics).
The Phantom's "deformity" is an unforgivable offense. It's ridiculous for another reason entirely, as well - his mask is obviously much smaller than his patch of bad skin, so they shouldn't have hidden anything. And you can see that his eye looks perfectly fine through the hole before he's unmasked. Unless he somehow had the world's fastest allergic reaction to Christine herself when she pulled his mask off, and that's what made him slightly less conventionally attractive, this doesn't make any sense. His makeup job and general demeanor make it seem like he's attempting a Prince Zuko cosplay, but couldn't be bothered making the burn-scarred, inflamed, uneven and big enough to cover a significant portion of his face - i.e. actually noticeable... Tom Hiddleston looked more Phantom-like at the end of Crimson Peak, for Pete's sake! Why didn't they just do the same makeup as the stage show? It's supposed to just be a cinematic version. What's the point of altering it?
The movie version of Masquerade sucked. No colors other than black, white, and grey. The Phantom showing up in a very uninspired costume of the "Red Death" is almost a relief, and the song was sung way too quickly. LET ME ENJOY THE SONG!
There's no sword fight in the musical so that really confuses me about the movie
The execution of 'The Point of No Return' is my biggest issue about the movie. I just assumed the Phantom taking Piangi's place was done with the rule of Shakespeare - if you're wearing a hat you are considered "in disguise. The "sexiness" of it all can't make up for the absence of tension (she knows it's the Phantom right away) or consistency (she should be afraid).
Butler wasn't right for his role. Emmy wasn't right for her role. The director wasn't right (could have been worse... could have been directed by Michael Bay). It was all messed up. It was a very big disappointment because I am such a big Phantom fan.
Anyway, The POTO film version is more watchable than "Dracula 2000".
The Secret Garden (1993)
The film has charm, without wandering into the realm of magic
Some "children's films" are only for children. Some can be watched by the whole family. Others are so good they seem hardly intended for children at all, and "The Secret Garden" falls in that category. It is a work of beauty, poetry and deep mystery, and watching it is like entering for a time into a closed world where one's destiny may be discovered.
The movie's dark themes, unhurried pace and talkiness make it something of a gamble for many children. But older children -- especially those who have been asking specific questions about death -- may find some nourishment in this garden. The film retains the gothic atmosphere of the book and looks amazing, thanks to Roger Deakins's scintillating photography.
Any kids' movie that aims for something richer than the Saturday-matinee escapism of smiling whales and preschool ninjas -- that actually captures some of the mystery of childhood -- ought to be embraced. whatever its peculiarities.
By the end of the film I was surprised by how much I was moved; how much I had come to care about the lonely little boy, the orphaned girl, and the garden that a dead woman had prepared for them.
The result is an instant classic -- rich, dense, resonant, powerful.
Love Never Dies (2012)
URGH!!! It's the stench from this fanfiction-with-a-budget sequel to The Phantom of the Opera.
I really regret watching Love Never Dies because ALW horrendously butchered the characters just to make a "fanmade sequel" to Phantom. Love Never Dies is a crappy non-canon fan fiction in my mind. It is nothing more than a stupid, insipid soap opera that gets more grotesque and harebrained by the second. It is an awful, awful musical, flawed on so many levels I can't count them, funny when it's not supposed to be, entertaining in much the way that Plan 9 from Outer Space is entertaining. I bet my review is going to be complicated and slightly incoherent because there are so many flaws on so many levels at so many points.
I don't like this musical. Sure, I like the idea of Erik and Christine being together, but this musical doesn't succeed in its delivery of that. The plot is bad, characters that we previously liked (minus in Raoul's case...poor guy) are turned into jerks, and some of the songs are so awful, you can't help wanting to throw up.
The whole productions seem to be rather goofy (the whole thing looks like a Tim Burton fever dream staged by Cirque de Soleil), but the Phantom screaming "TEEEEEN YEEEAAAARRRRSS OOOOOLLLLDDD" has to be the most ridiculous, cringe-worthy thing I have ever seen in a musical.
I don't know what Webber was thinking when he penned this pile of muck, but he should be ashamed of himself. If you love The Phantom of the Opera - then please DON'T WATCH LOVE NEVER DIES.
SIGH!!! I look forward to being able to forget Love Never Dies exists.
Love Never Dies (2012)
URGH!!! It's the stench from this fanfiction-with-a-budget sequel to The Phantom of the Opera.
I really regret watching Love Never Dies because ALW horrendously butchered the characters just to make a "fanmade sequel" to Phantom. Love Never Dies is a crappy non-canon fan fiction in my mind. It is nothing more than a stupid, insipid soap opera that gets more grotesque and harebrained by the second. It is an awful, awful musical, flawed on so many levels I can't count them, funny when it's not supposed to be, entertaining in much the way that Plan 9 from Outer Space is entertaining. I bet my review is going to be complicated and slightly incoherent because there are so many flaws on so many levels at so many points.
I don't like this musical. Sure, I like the idea of Erik and Christine being together, but this musical doesn't succeed in its delivery of that. The plot is bad, characters that we previously liked (minus in Raoul's case...poor guy) are turned into jerks, and some of the songs are so awful, you can't help wanting to throw up.
The whole productions seem to be rather goofy (the whole thing looks like a Tim Burton fever dream staged by Cirque de Soleil), but the Phantom screaming "TEEEEEN YEEEAAAARRRRSS OOOOOLLLLDDD" has to be the most ridiculous, cringe-worthy thing I have ever seen in a musical.
I don't know what Webber was thinking when he penned this pile of muck, but he should be ashamed of himself. If you love The Phantom of the Opera - then please DON'T WATCH LOVE NEVER DIES.
SIGH!!! I look forward to being able to forget Love Never Dies exists.
Tragic Theater (2015)
It should have been titled 'Tragic Movie'.
Waste of time and money! We saw this on its first day and up to now, I'm still disappointed. I even felt cheated! Super frustrating. It should have been titled 'Tragic Movie'.
.i thought they were gonna do a movie about the film center tragedy. insider stories etc..bland acting by most of the cast.flashbacks galore.
Tragic Theater feels like it was cobbled together from several different scripts. Late in the game, at a crucial moment in the film, there is a sudden lengthy flashback that focuses on an earlier exploit of the bishop played by Christopher de Leon, who up to this point was barely in the movie. The film interrupts its own story, taking the audience out of the present in order to flesh out the backstory of a tertiary character. The film goes on like this, never really knowing where to place its focus, and struggling to make it feel like the characters are in any imminent danger.
I wish they tackled the history of the theater more. It is more interesting the exorcism itself. The dialogue seems unnatural. And the supporting actors are very weak. I don't have qualms about the main actors, but the supporting actors are young Viva talents who got the role for the sake of having a project. Who wears heavy makeup and fake eyelashes during an exorcism? Honestly. I never got scared or screamed (although I cringed at the rat scene because I hate rats) but instead yawned, stretched, and wished the movie would end so I could go home
Pa-siyam (2004)
A pack of Pancit Canton
The scares are repetitive, not because the filmmakers ran out of tricks to dish out, but because they are coming from a nagging ghost-mom, trying to make her children aware of their wrongdoing. At first, it's just a few pieces of poo, a puddle of urine, a pack of Pancit Canton. The next time, it's a bucketful of poo, overflowing urine, and more Pancit Canton to feed a squatter colony. She's obviously nagging them, but the children are headstrong on their innocence, insisting that they're guilt-free of their mom's suffering.
Shake Rattle and Roll Fourteen: The Invasion (2012)
We'll all die but Shake, Rattle and Roll will live on until the end of the world.
Ugh, to be honest, this movie was the pits. Panama was so similar to an American movie House on Haunted Hill (1999) that I cringed at the obvious way it ended. Herbert Bautista was so hammy that I understood why Janice de Belen's character would be angry at him all the time. The movie did not make sense compared to House on Haunted Hill. Why would the uncle want revenge on the family? The bickering only gave a slight reference that maybe a family problem came and made the uncle angry enough to have his creation Buboy kill them all. Lost command was also similar to several American movies. One about a child carrying the virus (28 days later) and a city in Alaska hunted by zombie like creatures to extinction. The scenes were poorly executed by the way and very GROSS, not scary but GROSS. Martin Escudero's role may be a tongue in the cheek reference because of Zombadings but it ruined the whole plot. Honestly, I kept waiting for the zombie soldiers to do a "zombading" pose.
Unwanted would have been a great sci-fi film and could have stood on its own. Instead, it got lumped in with Shake rattle and roll so basically, the third part lasted 45 minutes. There was a reference to the Mayan calendar. The scenes were so hurried and abrupt sea monsters started attacking, the mall fell down and suddenly a demonic-like human was telling them about them. Vhong kept the movie lively with his antics but it was supposed to be a horror movie. The ending was very confusing. Apparently, the world ended in a Starship Trooper kind of way. The effects were stunning though, it's as if Chito Rono burned the whole 3d effects budget on a 2-minute ending just to give the phrase "The End....of the world".
Unfortunately, during this part of the movie, the audio glitched forward. The raspy alien voice could barely be heard and we didn't understand what the connection was with the sea monster, freaky alien demonic being and the starship trooper like ending. And why the aliens started looking like Vhong and Angel Locsin in the end.
I'd give plus points for Unwanted because of the amazing 2-minute ending showing a lot of digital mastery and effects. as for everything else.... I still weep for the Philippine movie industry.
Anak ng Kumander (2008)
Why don't just we leave acting to actors .
The movie started with an exquisite fight scene. Guns blazing, bombs exploding, famous antagonist - the makings of a great action film!
Two minutes and 15 seconds later, I threw the laptop across the room.
I guess I'll have to send Manny Pacquiao the bill.
I suspect the main reason is this sort of movie is anachronistic. Had MP did this in the 70's or 80's, people will throng in droves to the theater gates. I'm thinking - if Flash Jackson can see this as an insult to the Philippine movie.
My Little Bossings (2013)
This film refuses to try... My Little Bossings is an insult.
I noticed that at almost every new sequence features ad placements, each of them awfully inserted, and bears no evident effort to integrate with the plot. Well, there is barely any, in the first place.
Tedious and wasteful, it is a train wreck of a film that uses its screen time to steal its audience's money and peddle its advertisers.
While the movie made no apologies for banking its big name stars, There's no art to it or any craft; no effort exerted beyond the minimum necessary to create something that might be called a movie. This one barely achieves that distinction, held together as it is by an abundance of filler and product placement. It is far less than the public deserves.
The concept isn't terrible. The execution, however, is pretty terrible.The film doesn't commit to having a plot. It meanders through a mess of random scenes, with no sense of urgency or forward direction.
Overall, My Little Bossings looked to be a promising movie. Only that, it failed to bank on the greatness of its "little bossings" that it appeared too cheap and too commercialized.
Annabelle: Creation (2017)
A horror flick full of jump scares
Much like Ouija: Origin of Evil from last year, Annabelle: Creation is actually a prequel instead of a sequel. As the title implies, the movie provides the origin story of how the possessed doll that eventually ends up in the hands of The Conjuring's paranormal investigators Ed and Lorraine Warren first came to be inhabited by an evil entity.
Bottomline - Demonic doll torments little girls.
My Bebe Love: #KiligPaMore (2015)
Not worth your penny
I'll be brutally honest here. My Bebe Love is offensive because its ambitions are low with no solid plot for the audience to follow.It bears no palpable conflict, and the film basically just goes back and forth over petty issues that the narrative itself does not seem bothered to resolve.
The movie is nothing more than a forgettable hodgepodge of clichés and bad old jokes. Half of the movie is injected with product endorsements. It's like an extension of Eat Bulaga's Kalyeserye. Dear lord! We want our movies to be served on a silver platter, not on a paper plate.
Don't watch this movie. If you're curious to see it - just get a copy from freeware (just don't spend your hard earned cash for it). Not worth your penny.