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Reviews
Alien: Romulus (2024)
Bland and Uninspired
Let me just say that I have been with this franchise since day one. I can remember seeing the original in the cinema before I was a teenager. I have seen and enjoyed all the films many times over and appreciated the less popular ones in the series. Seeing Romulus was a disappointment. Its dark visuals, particularly the opening sequence, had me confused at times. The relevance of the opener became obvious later on. And the dialogue was muffled in spots, and I missed chunks trying to figure out what was said, thus missing the follow up. The story was uninspiring and the Xenomorphs were identical to previous incarnations (for the most part) and close ups of the mouth parts no longer cause fear or dread, just boredom. This is one in the franchise that I may not watch again.
Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire (2024)
It's All So Terrible...
The tropes, the cliched characters, the story, another "girl boss". How did this get made? The script is awful, the acting is as bad as the story and it's boring. So very boring. You've seen this very same plot, characters and situations multiple times. I saw this after Godzilla Minus One, which was excellent and true to the subject matter, while this is anything but. It seems to have been written by school children for school children, and they still would have been disappointed. Hollywood will keep making this type of horrible nonsense while people pay to watch it. I can't see anyone older that early teens enjoying this. I sure didn't.
Meg 2: The Trench (2023)
Awful, just awful.
This a definite C grade movie, made with an A grade budget. There is not one ounce of originality to be found at any point in its bloated run time. The dialogue is diabolically bad. It's jammed with multiple attempts at humour that all fall flat. Statham whisper talks and constantly mugs for the camera but just comes across as a 'straight to video' action star. He's done so much better films than this monstrosity, and should cash his pay check and move on from it as soon as possible. The acting, particularly from the 'bad guys' is terrible. In conclusion, if you like movies that seem to have been written by middle schoolers, for middle schoolers, you will love this.
Secret Invasion (2023)
Such a Bore
Let me start with what this series isn't. It isn't exciting, original or in the least bit interesting. The path it treads is well worn and has been done better so many times before. The majority of the characters are immediately forgotten due to their sheer blandness and similarity to one another. I don't think it understands what it's trying to be. Is it a superhero series or or a tepid spy thriller? It presents as yet another hodgepodge of cliches and tropes, packaged under the Disney/Marvel banner. The character of Nick Fury and his tired quips is now at the point of being a parody of who he used to be.
From (2022)
Had promise but held back.
It's a familiar premise but executed reasonably well. It started strongly but began on a downward trajectory from episode 3. Few of the characters are likeable and many are grating stereotypes. From suffers from lazy writing and overuse of television tropes. The dysfunctional family dynamic and personal "tragedy" prominent among them. The level of teen angst escalated as the first season went on. I think it says something that by the last episode of the first season, I could only remember two or three of the main characters names. There's very little plot advancement and the feeling of "treading water" during many episodes was strong. I don't know if I'll be back for season 2.
Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania (2023)
It's a Cheese Pizza With Way Too Much Cheese.
Take Marvels recent lacklustre offerings, add some Avatar visuals and the dialogue and acting of the last few Star Wars films, and you have this. It's cheesy, in the extreme. It's chock full of the usual tropes and character motivators that plague Marvel films. It feels like we are being force fed the same story, over and over, in all their films. Most of the characters are unlikeable, shallow and forgettable. I stopped caring about any of them about 20, yawn inducing, minutes in. This is not good film making. Loud colours, over the top character dynamics and a weak plot, do not give you a good film. I felt like I was watching garishly dressed, looking for laughs and attention, annoyances. Clowns, in other words. I felt like I was watching clowns. And that makes me so sad.
Velma (2023)
It's Better Than The Reviews.
The show drips with satire and sarcasm. It goes about exposing the mindset and behaviours of modern day teens. It displays the shallowness and lack of awareness very well and pulls no punches. It presents teens as they are: mindless, self centred and without empathy or concern for others. This show will get a lot of people (teens) offside with its portrayal, but is an interesting watch, and is worth the time each episode takes to devour. It presents an interesting take on established characters, and is not for those who want a series about mystery solving in a bus. I'm enjoying the dynamic and will continue to watch.
Ghost Loop (2019)
Just awful.
If ghosts, spirits or paranormal phenomena were real things, I am one hundred percent sure that they wouldn't spend one second communicating with this group of morons. It's so bad that I thought that it was a parody of those "ghost hunting" shows, at first. Basically, a loose knit group of wannabes and aspiring to be famous people, go around and pretend to get in contact with the paranormal, and solve peoples ghost problems. There's the prerequisite amazement and exclamations at every noise or electrical device activating, and somehow they are able to determine what is being communicated despite it being unintelligible. It's bad, so bad that it's quite pathetic. Surely, no one believes this junk.
The Dead Files (2011)
Unintentionally Funny
Of all these types of shows, this one has the most obviously staged and pre researched "discoveries". The "medium" has very little credibility, even among the plethora of other fakes in circulation. I don't believe for one minute that she has ever seen a ghost, spectre or any other type of paranormal entity. Her exaggerated facial expressions and dramatic manner of speech when revealing her findings, smacks of dishonesty. The former police officer does his best impression of a stoic, measured individual, who can be sympathetic and understanding, but comes across as more of a prop to give credence to the mediums fibbing. It's funny but sad at the same time.
Jurassic World Dominion (2022)
As bad as you thought it would be.
It's a loose grouping of cliches and nonsense. Chris Pratt controls dinosaurs primarily by putting his hand up to them. They rethink their course of action when they see that hand, I tell ya! It's all a bore, full of junk happenings and the odd "inspirational" monologue. One question sprung to mind: Why are they still digging for dinosaur bones when the real live thing is wandering the earth? It makes no sense! And what was the barista doing? He absolutely scorched the milk. It would have tasted like Dino poop. It's all so infuriatingly stupid. I wanted to call out in frustration. No more. For the love of all things good, no more!
Thor: Love and Thunder (2022)
Too much Taika influence.
After watching this, I felt a little let down by the excess of banter and comedic undertones. The other reviews tell me that I'm not alone. In short, too much nonsense and not enough meaningful plot or character development. The Guardians appear for a few scant minutes early in the going and Christian Bales Gorr is woefully underused, and spends precious little time onscreen. The movie is a 7/10. It's funny and enjoyable but should have been so much more.
Ms. Marvel (2022)
It's like an after school special.
The pacing is bad, the acting is average and it presents as being made purely for middle school kids. The plot is obvious and the situations feature many high school tropes. Another disappointment in a long line of them.
Obi-Wan Kenobi (2022)
It's declining, fast.
I actually enjoyed the first few episodes. Seeing Ewan McGregor back prompted some nostalgic feelings, but any goodwill quickly dissipated with episode 4. It was terrible. Full of Star Wars tropes and cliches, it was difficult to watch. The Empire is basically a massive bunch of incompetent fools, unable to even extract information from a (mouthy) child. You would be better off having Boy Scouts guard something than Stormtroopers. They continually miss, can be disarmed and killed in seconds and can be distracted without effort. The writing and directing are both just awful, particularly in episode 4. It's lazy and uninspiring. There's little in the way of plot or character advancement and it's boring, it's actually boring.
Paranormal Lockdown (2016)
Let's Use Technology To Prove Spirits Exist!
Just another in a long line of programs that use suspect technology and "physical effects" to justify their existence. The question "Are you okay?" fills much of the dialogue. Combine this with breathlessness and weakness, and you've got yourself a paranormal show! It's all very humdrum, and nothing you haven't seen before. The hosts are prone to conclusion jumping and very ready to be scared witless. Watch when drunk and you will get a few laughs.
Sonic the Hedgehog 2 (2022)
Predictable and Poor.
This movie is definitely for the young. It's not hard to see what's coming, and the usual cliche riddled dialogue is in evidence. I couldn't see anyone over 12 getting any enjoyment out of this one. I like Jim Carrey well enough but the content just isn't there for him.
Fantastic Beasts: The Secrets of Dumbledore (2022)
More Adult Content Makes for a Better Film.
I really enjoyed this film. It has an interesting and detailed story that has some real depth. The acting is great and you really learn about the backstory of the man, Albus Dumbledore, and his family. I like Johnny Depp well enough but he doesn't have the presence or outright acting ability of Mads Mikkelsen. I would go so far as to say that this would be a less watchable film with Depp in it. This is a welcome addition to the series, and one I would recommend.
Ghosts of Morgan City (2019)
Sarah Lemos is THE worst 'medium'.
Seriously, Sarah Lemos is as bad a medium as she is an actor. Surely, a medium should be composed and experienced enough to not come down with a bad case of the vapours, every time some random finding or event takes place. Whatever she's being paid, it's too much.
Jumanji: The Next Level (2019)
Lacks any mature attraction.
20 minutes in I realised this wasn't for me. The previous film was enjoyable but obviously didn't have enough merit to warrant a sequel. The initial weakness of the acting and dialogue wore on me quickly, and the execution was poor. The only actor who had any real chops was Karen Gillan, who was the only character that made the thing worth persevering with at all. Didn't last the whole film. It just isn't good.
Ghost Adventures (2008)
Great Comedic Value.
Another of these "Spirits are real. I'll prove it with Science" type programs. Lots of overly dramatic moments and reliance on pseudoscience. There's never any definitive proof, just lots of " Wow! Did you hear that?" and loads of shaking and 'weakness' from the hosts. It's quite laughable.
Morbius (2022)
Lots of fangs, zero bite.
I found this to be flat and not the least bit exciting. It meandered along, telling the same story that's been told many times before. I felt no emotional involvement and found the characters one dimensional. The FBI agents seemed to be pure window dressing, just going through the motions with the prerequisite, puerile dialogue. If you compare the two most recent "Super Hero" films, in this and The Batman. Despite being fundamentally different, The Batman succeeds in every way that this film fails. Meaningful situations and outcomes. Characters that develop over the course of the film. A story that resonates and compels, and numerous high points that excite and engage.
Moon Knight (2022)
Good first impressions
First episode shows some real promise. Oscar and Ethan come across well and Oscar plays Steven Grant a like a mixture of Ricky Gervais from the Office and Frank Spencer. It's certainly not as formulaic and cliched as some recent Marvel TV offerings, and the dialogue is refreshingly void of the usual claptrap that plague Marvel/Disney stuff. I'll be back for episode 2.
X (2022)
Original and entertaining
This film was a delightful surprise, with originality and depth. Good little story, well crafted and with a few endearing moments. The soundtrack was great, and helped connect the audience to the story and players. A raw little gem.
Halo (2022)
Good enjoyable sci-fi.
I've never played the game or have any interest in doing so but I found this a well done piece of sci-fi television. I understand it's prob not for die hard fan boys but it's got me keen for episode 2. It's certainly better than 'The Book of Fett' and other Disney properties. Effects and story are good, with the dialogue without many of the usual cringe inducing cliches. It has some potential and is well worth a look.
The Ghost Town Terror (2022)
Hilarious
If you watch this, be prepared for "Are you okay?" to be asked any number of times. Another of this type of program that features people who are so ready, willing and able to be scared. Every happening is treated as demonic in origin, when it's more likely to be a regular noise, enhanced by a need to believe in the paranormal. The folk are mostly suitably overweight and excitable. With talk about "sensitives" and "white witches" there to be enjoyed. It's funny and worth a look, even if just for amusement value.
The Batman (2022)
Realism, relevance and relatability.
The Batman is a great film. It's as close to a live action graphic novel as you will get. The acting, plot and dynamic are enthralling. Robert Pattinson makes for a great Batman. He seems to truly understand the role, and I'm looking forward to seeing him do this again. So many things to like about this film. The whole concept and execution smack of realism and, as much as I've enjoyed the Marvel offerings, I much prefer the grit and grime of this particular world. P. S The Batmobile is friggen awesome!