JonathanWellington

The Great Sword Combat on the Stairs (1902)

Absolutely stunning

When I sat down and began to watch this film, I was expecting a dull, simple affair, the likes of which would be enjoyed only by an idiotic, stiff-lipped bourgeois. I was surprised to learn, however, that this is a superb, action-filled epic masterpiece with some of the most startling compositions in the history of cinema.

I must dedicate a paragraph to this film's incredible mise-en-scene. The blocking, staging of props, and, to be honest, arterial spray -- all add up to a visually stunning work of art. This film, visually, makes so-called "beautiful" films like "Veronika Voss" look like "Citizen Kane" -- and that's not a good thing, actually, because "Citizen Kane" is a highly overrated, pretentious mess of a film especially when compared to this great film.

Overall, a masterpiece. This film makes you feel like you're actually there, on the stairs, witnessing great sword combat. Superb writing, directing, and acting add up to a great film not to be missed.

Dr. Jonathan "Lady's Man" Wellington, Jr., M.D. - Winner of the Golden Web Award -

Artie (2000)

Tour-de-force

This is a truly wonderful film, with consistently good performances. It evokes the mood of a Bergman chamber drama, which is always a good thing. And speaking of Bergman, he actually ripped this film off and retitled it "Shame". When Jean-Luc Werner Bergman rips a movie off, you know it must be good.

In closing, this is one of the greatest films in history, and is an essential building block in any film aficionado's collection. Recommended without a doubt!

11/10

• Dr. Jonathan Wellington, Jr., MMD Winner of the Golden Web Award

Another Picture Showing Demonstration of a Pneumatic Shell Riveter (1900)

A Metaphysical Examination of the Human Condition

This film is an intense, emotionally affecting film that predates Bergman's slow-paced chamber dramas by over fifty years. It is one of the deepest films ever made, full of striking, awe-inspiring religious imagery which should not be watched by the simple-minded bourgeois.

Although it is little-known among the common, puerile "moviegoers", the cinema aficionados would consider it tenfold more influential than D.W. Griffith's "The Birth of a Nation." And it includes many of the same themes, as well; man against the institution, man searching for a lost god, man loading a pneumatic shell riveter and having it jam.

If you're looking for the newest big-budget action film, move on. If you're looking for an intellectually stimulating meditation on man's humanity, however, make sure to watch Quentin Tarantino's masterpiece "Another Picture Showing Demonstration of a Pneumatic Shell Riveter".

P.S. I would recommend buying the "Criterion Collection" release.

Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle (2004)

A visually stunning, intellectually rewarding film

Danny Leiner's most popular film, "Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle", is one of the most beautiful films of all time. From its subdued, atmospheric use of color to its smooth, graceful camera-work, this is an overwhelmingly visual film.

Luckily, the script is up to par. Danny Leiner is one of the greatest screenwriters in history, and he is at top form here. The scene with Harold and Kumar arguing about the state of the New Union is one of the most chilling in cinematic history, thanks especially to Danny Leiner's taut, wonderfully impressive screenplay.

The plot is rather complex; far too advanced to summarize here, in less than 100,000 words. Basically, there is a man named Harold. He is an average thirty year old man, with an average-looking wife and a newborn baby who is, well, average. On the way to work on one average day, his car is hijacked by the famed political activist Kumar. This activist - or terrorist? - brandishes a large, cylinder-shaped rocket launcher. He also sports an M16, which he impressively stores in his large mouth.

Many things happen. In one sentence I will try my hardest to summarize these events, without giving away the infamous, chilling twist. Kumar forces Harold to assassinate the president and establish a new government, called the New Union. The last quarter of the film centers around the inevitable demise of the New Union and Harold himself.

So that was two sentences. I apologize sincerely, but the film is so incredible and deep -- there is no possible way to write but one sentence about its intricate, involving story line.

The bottom line is this: if you want masterful directing, an utterly impressive plot, one of the greatest screenplays ever written, an unforgettable pan flute score, and acting at its best, go and see Danny Leiner's 10 hour epic, "Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle." You're welcome.