How can you practice self-compassion as a peer supporter?

Being a peer supporter puts you in a particular mindset where you focus outward more than in. As such, self-compassion can go to the end of the To Do List. I’ve enlisted my partner as a spotter for me. If they notice my patience wearing thin frequently or I respond with to many “Everything’s fine” or “It’s nothing” comments, they let me know it’s time to practice some self-care.

Self-compassion is the capacity to give yourself the comfort, care and acceptance that you would naturally give a loved one. Our mind is excellent at problem-solving, but less equipped at soothing ourselves when we're in distress. To rewire our brain's natural tendency to want to problem-solve, criticise or distract, we can practice offering ourselves gentleness instead of criticism. This takes time, patience and practice, and may feel awkward at first.

I personally found self-compassion a very hard thing to do; it took me years to realise I was not doing it and then it took me another few years to be able to do it. It changed my life.

Practicing self-compassion as a peer supporter is crucial to maintaining well-being and effectiveness in helping others. As a peer supporter, the journey of helping others with their personal and emotional challenges can be emotionally demanding. It's essential to practice self-compassion, just as we encourage it in those we support. This means acknowledging our struggles and treating ourselves with the same kindness and understanding we offer to others. By taking time for self-care, setting healthy boundaries, and seeking support when needed, we can be more resilient and effective in our role. Self-compassion is not a sign of weakness but a source of strength that allows us to be better advocates for those we support.

It is essential to have - and practice - self-compassion when you have to deal with other people on a daily basis. Firstly, for yourself, because you will often find yourself in stressful situations and, secondly, for your peers: if you are honest about your self-compassion and can see yourself with clear eyes, it becomes much easier to see and understand others in the same way. If I am blind to my issues and just hide them under the carpet because I do not have enough compassion for myself to honestly deal with them, how can I handle the issues of others? How can I have understanding for another person's history, ability, strength and weakness? If I have no understanding of these things in the other person, how can I teach them anything?

I fund that forgiving myself for specific life mistakes was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. It took great effort to admit to these mistakes and I went through a long period of extreme anger at myself. It took a lot of introspection and conscious effort for forgiveness to get me out the other side. Once I managed that, everything changed! I converse very openly with myself now, I praise myself or berate myself, depending on the situation, and I am finally (after almost 5 decades of being alive!) very comfortable and happy with myself. It actually took this process to make me actually love myself, whereby I had never realised that I never treated myself with love before: I constantly criticising and rejecting myself.

By practicing self-compassion I have become very comfortable with myself and I value myself and my time. Through discussion and by example I try to convey these values to my peers. As open as I am with myself, I am with them as well, both in criticism as well as in praise. Criticism is always accompanied by discussions with the interested person themselves as to solutions to an issue, suggestions for the overcoming of a weakness, advice to not be angry at themselves but understanding and supportive. After all, no-one can be perfect at everything, right? Praise is sometimes accompanied by pretty stickers in their diary or nice quotes by email, because it is fun and makes everyone smile 😊

I have a good support system on which I can rely whenever I need to regain my balance. I am by nature prone to introspection so this also works for me. Further, I am open (and, admittedly, unashamed) about my mistakes, and I discuss them with the people I work with. When my peers (especially those I train) realise that I am as imperfect as they are, our relationship becomes stronger. I do a few things to minimise stress (diary for to do list, which I also use for scrapbooking), I have let go of the idea of a fixed work plan and just go with the flow of the work, I protect myself from pointless stressful situations. I allow all feelings to exist and process them internally or through discussion with people I trust. And I live with 2 dogs.