Skip the sugar-coating and give them the hard truth. Sometimes, resistance comes from a lack of accountability. I once had a team member who was constantly pushing back on feedback, dodging responsibility. Instead of the typical constructive feedback session, I laid out, bluntly, how their resistance was holding back the entire project. I didn’t soften it; I pointed out the direct consequences of their behavior. Surprisingly, this unfiltered approach broke through. They had to confront the impact of their actions head-on, and that honesty drove real change where softer approaches had failed.

When you notice resistance in a direct report, first look for any recent changes—either in their behavior or in your expectations of them. Have you introduced new goals, processes, or structures? Or, has something shifted in their performance or attitude? Start the conversation by acknowledging these changes and ask them how they feel about the current expectations. Listen closely to understand any concerns, whether personal or work-related. Continue to clearly state what the expectation is. Then, together, you can align on the next steps to support their growth and meet your shared goals. Ask if they can agree to the plan. This approach lets them know their perspective matters and opens the door to resolving misunderstandings together.

When you need to deliver constructive feedback to a resistant direct report, you need to build rapport to reduce the tension. Try and arrange a private meeting where you can approach with empathy. Focus on the facts and explain clearly specific behaviors that need change. Listen to their point of view and feel what they feel. Work together to create an action plan with set goals and hope. For example, I myself faced a similar situation and the openness of dialogue helped to understand others better and made my performance better. Positive change relies heavily on respecting and patience.

To manage a resistant direct report, deliver feedback with empathy and clarity. Create a safe space for open dialogue and frame the feedback as a shared goal for improvement. Be specific about the behaviors that need change, using clear examples. Highlight their strengths and how the change will benefit both their growth and the team. Encourage their input, discuss solutions together, and offer support. Set clear expectations and follow up regularly, showing that you're committed to their development and success.

Begin the conversation by setting a positive tone, focusing on the specific behavior or action that needs improvement, rather than attacking the individual. Use "I" statements to express concerns and avoid blame. For example, "I've noticed that...", "I think...", or "I feel...". Be specific, objective, and factual when providing feedback, relying on observable data or events. Avoid generalizations or assumptions. Focus on the impact of their behavior on the team, organization, or goals. Listen actively to their response, addressing concerns and clarifying misconceptions. Encourage open dialogue, asking questions to understand their thought process and values. This helps identify potential barriers to change.

Being personable allows instant connection! Framing feedback as a growth opportunity and making it a two-way conversation helps to lower defensiveness and open up a path for positive change. I’ve found that giving clear examples and actionable steps makes it easier for the person to see how they can improve without feeling overwhelmed.