Kkse Excerpts

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CHARACTERISTICS OF SOULMATE EXPERIENCES

Copyrighted Material from the forthcoming book Kindredness, Kinships, and Soulmate Experiences by Robert S. Badame, Ph.D. and Shelley F. Diamond, Ph.D.
1. A feeling that you've been looking for each other all your life. 2. A deep sense of relief and visceral feeling of fulfillment in each other's presence. A driving need to be together. Separation may feel acutely painful. 3. A seamless sense of continuity, regardless of how long it's been since you met or last made contact. 4. A sense of security and confidence that you have a permanent bond that will endure despite separation, time, distance, or even death. 5. A mutual feeling of true selves being known, understood, and appreciated by someone essentially similar. Looking at the world with the same perspective. 6. An uncanny ability to perceive and echo the subtleties of each other's thoughts, and involuntarily experience the other person's feelings. 7. An ability to be comfortable in silence, minds entwined without words. 8. An inability to deceive each other, nor to manipulate without detection. The inescapable vulnerablity, lack of privacy, and defenselessness may feel uncomfortable and thrilling at the same time. 9. An easily sustained deep intimacy with a lack of emotional barriers, even when you want or need them. There's a tendency to exclude other people, yet too much time alone together can create self-absorbed overload and burn-out. 10. Either an unusual lack of conflict or, for toxic soulmates, intense conflict based on competing similarities or denial/fear of similarities, despite being irresistibly drawn together. 11. A quirky commonality that is difficult to rationally explain. This may include a high amount of coincidence, synchronicity, and blended eccentricities. 12. A difficulty in being able to describe the qualities and significance of the relationship to others, but even those who are unable to understand your experience may have a strong awareness of and/or reaction to it. 13. The likelihood of having encountered one or more soulmates increases as age increases. The later in life a soulmate experience occurs, the greater the likelihood of having the emotional maturity to maintain the relationship. 14. The likelihood of finding a soulmate increases in places where you feel "at home." 15. The intensity of the soulmate experience increases along a continuum as the depth and complexity of similarities between the two people increases.
EXTERNAL SIMILARITIES (Tangible/visible qualities) Similar age, ethnicity, gender, sexual orientation, or other physical characteristics Similar religious upbringing, schools attended, place growing up, or other aspects of background, culture, or history Similar home and family arrangements or concerns, activities done in free time, or other lifestyle choices Similar occupation, skills, career objectives, or other work-related aspects INTERNAL SIMILARITIES (Intangible/invisible qualities) Similar likes and dislikes, sense of humor, obsessions, and other aspects of style, attitude, character, or personality Similar sexual preferences, kinks, need for affection, and other aspects of romance and intimacy Similar temperament and emotional responses to family, friends, lovers, and community in specific situations Similar approach to change, crisis, decision-making, problem-solving, and other intellectual challenges Similar level of competitiveness, ambition, risk-taking, demand for perfection, and other work-related aspects of business/career Similar philosophical, political, and/or spiritual beliefs, and other values, goals, and priorities in life
FEELING OF KINDREDNESS AND LIKELIHOOD OF A SOULMATE EXPERIENCE INCREASES AS THE NUMBER OF BOTH EXTERNAL AND INTERNAL SIMILARITIES INCREASES.
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TRADITIONAL COUPLES
Romance diminishes over time Committment consciously chosen and must be regularly renewed Wish certain aspects changed, flaws resignedly tolerated Need to learn how to communicate and understand each other Both feel somewhat mysterious to partner, some things better left unsaid Fundamental disagreements can lead to serious arguments Potential for jealousy and insecurity Challenge is to discover and maintain commonalities, make time for togetherness Questions: How to get closer? How to live with unmet longing for closeness? Sex is used as a vehicle to bring each other closer. Momentary feelings of "oneness" occur occasionally during sex.
ROMANTIC SOULMATES
Romance deepens & permeates over time Being together seems like foregone conclusion, undeniable inevitability Appreciated exactly the way you are, including flaws Communicate effortlessly, understand immediately, sixth sense of perception Both feel known inside out, whole truth cannot be concealed or avoided Few fundamental disagreements, can argue for fun No one else can compete, bond is unquestionably secure Challenge is to discover and welcome differences, make time to spend apart Questions: How to get enough distance? How to keep from suffocating in the closeness? Sex is an extension of the compelling closeness that already exists. Fluid feelings of "oneness" frequently flood sexual encounters.

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CHARACTERISTICS OF SOULMATE EXPERIENCES

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