Final Neruo Handout

NEUROBIOLOGY AND COUPLES THERAPY
Neurobiology
and
Couples
Therapy
June 24 th , 2015
BY: AUGUSTA B. KIM E. ALYSSA G., JULIE K. REBECCA L. BIANCA P. HERTZEN V. AND ZARIN Y.
The reason for therapy

-Couples entering therapy are often trapped
in a cycle of blame and defensiveness
-Couples are usually distressed
adult health, well-being, and longevity

- When we receive empathy from another,
we feel felt
The Neurobiology of Empathy
The Therapists Role

-To create a blame-free and shame-free
environment
-Must maintain an even alliance with
both parties
-Multilateral partiality
The importance of Eye Contact
Romantic Love
The importance of Gentle Touch
The Sad Truth about Romantic Love
Trust & Safety
- Humans are interdependent at all ages

- Friendship and social connection are vital in
Early passionate love is a drug

high. Dekoven Fishbane, 2013, p. 78
- Activates the orbitofrontal cortex (OFC)

which calms the amygdala and is central to
emotion regulation
- Helps to bond a couple and create a secure
connection
- Facilitates empathy, allowing partners to
feel felt by each partner
- Activates parts of the brain that release

oxytocin and endorphins
- Deactivates the amygdala
- Benefits both person being touched and
person doing the touching
We are wired to Connect
Stages of Love
-Lust: gets us to mate
-Romantic Love: focuses on that special
someone
-Attachment: the primary goal is for the
couple to bond and to care for their offspring
as a unit
The Brain 101

- It is complex
-Brain cells are called neurons. Neurons
communicate across a gap known as the
synapse.
-Our experiences shape the brain
- Our physical state of arousal cues our
emotional experiences
- 2 parts of the brain: Emotional and Social
- Partners can develop a sense of mistrust

and unsafety from accumulation of many
small moments of disconnection or
empathetic failure
- When trust is broken or safety is violated,

partners by necessity rely on self-protective
mechanisms to keep themselves safe from
each other
-Fueled by dopamine and norepinephrine

-Activates centers of reward and craving in
the brain
-It takes 18 months to 3 years before yielding
to a more compassionate love
-The fall from being madly in love is shocking

and disappointing
-Partners who do not know how to nurture
their love are at a loss
-Romantic love cannot last forever

How Do We Manage Our Emotions in a
relationship?
1. Positive or Negative Outlook
2. Resilience
3. Self-Awareness
4. Sensitivity to context
5. Attention
6. Social Intuition
Connection and Disconnection

-Connection is not constant
- Disconnections are inevitable
- All relationships oscillate from connectiondisconnection reconnection
How can we use empathy in our

relationships?
- Pay attention to our own body sensations
need for curiosity
-Speaker-listen technique
-Role play
-Use of prefrontal cortex
-Firm boundaries and balance fairness
-Judgment
-Posture, Guilt
-Preparing for rebuttal
Happy love relationships:

-associated with physical, health, emotional
well-being, and lower mortality
Unhappy love relationships:
-associated with depression, poor health, and
earlier death
Characteristics
Happy couples VS Unhappy couples
respect
intimacy
perceived fairness
perceived equity
secure attachment
honest
commitment
communicate well
negative reciprocity
defensiveness
stubbornness
relationship distress
conflict dysregulation
experience hostility
withdrawal
lack of investment
Healing Intergeneration Wounds

-Differentiation
-Boundaries
-Updating Relationship with parents
-The love update
-Synergy, intergeneration, individual and
couple transformation
Caveats and Limitations
How do we block Empathy?
Is love good or (bad) for your health?
-Hurt and Repair

-Apology and Forgiveness
The seeds we water are the ones that

flourish
-Not all clients are empathic

-Childhood information used as a weapon
-Death of parents/ cutoffs/ still dangerous
filial maturity
The Challenge of Change

-Clients fear being changed by the therapist
To help clients, we must honor

their right to maintain stability,
their right to choose their own
change, and their pace
Six Stages of Change
Use of Power with:

- Dueling realities
-Respect reaffirms identity
-Attachment and trust
-Commit to facilitate welfare of both
parents
1. Precontemplation: no awareness to the

problem
2. Contemplation: awareness of a problem,
yet not committed to change
3. Preparation: intending to change
4. Action: working on change
5. Maintenance: working to prevent relapse
6. Termination: change process complete,
not likely to relapse
The WE
Nurturing Neuroplasticity
-Need for both We and I

-Different kinds of couples we changes as
relationships evolve
-Co authorship
relationship responsibility
-The ability for neurons to change the way

they are shaped and relate to one another as
the brain adapts to the environment over
time
-It is nurtured or hampered by our attitude
towards change
Nurturing the Relationship
Gender Differences: Nature vs Nurture

-Sex differences and gendered behavior arise
from a complex interaction of genetics,
hormones, and socialization
-Gender stereotypes play out dominantly
within the lives of couples.
-Biological differences
- Male brains are larger than female brains
- Men and women use different parts of the
brain to accomplish the same task
Females: mature earlier, better at selfcontrol
Males: more active and have more difficulty
with effortful control
How do WE Care?
-Protective Urge
-Cultivating Compassion
-Caregiving and Care seeking
-Generosity and Gratitude
-Passion and Connection
Keys Aspects of Relationships

-Attachment
Nurturing Relational Plasticity

-Circular view helps to challenge the blame
game
-Team perspectives allow for an environment
where painful moments become
opportunities to learn and grow, as partners
become co-authors of their relationship

Successful loving relationships takes Work
and HOPE
- Encourage partners to change themselves
rather than each other
- Adopt a perspective that highlights selfresponsibility and co-responsibility for the
relationship
Hope can make the present moment

less difficult to bear. If we believe that
tomorrow will be better, we can bear a
hardship today- Thich Nhat Hanh

HEADING 4
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Creating thermometer
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Setting up multipage articles.
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HEADING 5
When you work in Word 2010 (or PowerPoint

2010), you have the full power of Excel 2010
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charts (provided that Excel is installed on

your computer). Insert a chart in Word from
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Sidebar Setup
The sidebars in this template use simple, single-row
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However, notice in the sidebar at left that the

thermometer charts were created using
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you might be surprised to learn that its easy
to make them essentially mathematically
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To use a table as a thermometer chart, do
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1.
Add Sidebar Content
2.
Adding content into a column to create a sidebar is no

different from adding text. As noted earlier in this
template, apply the styles provided for headings,
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FAST FACTS
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Learn about these thermometer charts in the article at
right.
On the Insert tab, in the

Tables group, click Table
and then drag across the
grid to select the first
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Click in the table and
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Setting up multipage articles

Word is designed to allow text to
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To select text wrap settings, start by
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following:
Notice the image of the young woman thats
within a text column on the preceding page.
The background has been removed from that
image to allow text to wrap directly around
the subject.
Office 2010 introduced several new and
improved picture formatting tools in Word,
PowerPoint, and Excel. Among those is the
1.
On the Picture Tools Format tab, in the

Arrange group, click Wrap Text and then
select either Square, Tight, or Top and
Bottomdepending on how you want
the text to wrap.
You might be happy with the default
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Otherwise, continue to step two for
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behavior (such as whether or not the
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image on the page

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To do this in Word, first insert your image
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Picture), and then select it. Then, on the
Picture Tools Format tab, in the Adjust
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The Remove Background feature
automatically displays what it believes to be
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its easy to adjust this if the immediate result
is not what you need.
On the Background Removal tab, click Mark
Areas to Keep or Mark Areas to Remove
and then drag your mouse pointer in a line

across the portion of the image you want to
add or remove. When you are finished
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NEUROBIOLOGY AND COUPLES THERAPY

The reason for therapy

adult health, well-being, and longevity

The Neurobiology of Empathy

The Therapists Role

The importance of Eye Contact

The importance of Gentle Touch

The Sad Truth about Romantic Love

Trust & Safety

- Humans are interdependent at all ages

Early passionate love is a drug

- Activates the orbitofrontal cortex (OFC)

- Activates parts of the brain that release

We are wired to Connect

The Brain 101

- Partners can develop a sense of mistrust

- When trust is broken or safety is violated,

-Fueled by dopamine and norepinephrine

-The fall from being madly in love is shocking

NEUROBIOLOGY AND COUPLES THERAPY

Connection and Disconnection

How can we use empathy in our

Happy love relationships:

Healing Intergeneration Wounds

Caveats and Limitations

How do we block Empathy?

Is love good or (bad) for your health?

-Hurt and Repair

The seeds we water are the ones that

-Not all clients are empathic

The Challenge of Change

To help clients, we must honor

Use of Power with:

1. Precontemplation: no awareness to the

-Need for both We and I

-The ability for neurons to change the way

Nurturing the Relationship

Gender Differences: Nature vs Nurture

Keys Aspects of Relationships

Nurturing Relational Plasticity

NEUROBIOLOGY AND COUPLES THERAPY

Hope can make the present moment

NEUROBIOLOGY AND COUPLES THERAPY

This placeholder article provides the

Setting up multipage articles.

Wrapping text around images

FOR MORE INFORMATION

Adding article titles and bylines

Abico eum, ille et, conventio obruo duis

Creating the sidebar

When you work in Word 2010 (or PowerPoint

charts (provided that Excel is installed on

However, notice in the sidebar at left that the

Add Sidebar Content

Adding content into a column to create a sidebar is no

On the Insert tab, in the

Setting up multipage articles

NEUROBIOLOGY AND COUPLES THERAPY

Wrap text around images