original

broadway cast

recording

Robbie (Stephen Lynch) & Julia (Laura Benanti)

MARGO LION NEW LINE CINEMA THE ARACA GROUP ROY FURMAN DOUGLAS L. MEYER / JAMES D. STERN RICK STEINER / THE STATON BELL OSHER MAYERSON GROUP JAM THEATRICALS in association with JUJAMCYN THEATERS and MARISA SECHREST JAY FURMAN GARY WINNICK MICHAEL GILL DR. LAWRENCE HOROWITZ RHODA MAYERSON DANCAP PRODUCTIONS, INC. LAN V. MCALLISTER / ALLAN S. GORDON / ADAM EPSTEIN present

music by

book by

lyrics by

MATTHEW SKLAR

CHAD BEGUELIN and TIM HERLIHY

BASED UPON THE NEW LINE CINEMA FILM WRITTEN BY TIM HERLIHY
starring

CHAD BEGUELIN

STEPHEN LYNCH LAURA BENANTI RICHARD H. BLAKE KEVIN CAHOON FELICIA FINLEY TINA MADDIGAN MATTHEW SALDIVAR AMY SPANGER
and

RITA GARDNER
ADINAH ALEXANDER MATT ALLEN TRACEE BEAZER CARA COOPER ASHLEY AMBER HAASE NICOLETTE HART ANGELIQUE ILO DAVID JOSEFSBERG PETER KAPETAN KEVIN KERN SPENCER LIFF JOANNE MANNING J. ELAINE MARCOS MICHAEL McGURK T. OLIVER REID CHRISTINA SIVRICH MATTHEW STOCKE ERIC LAJUAN SUMMERS
scenic design costume design lighting design sound design

SCOTT PASK
casting by

GREGORY GALE

BRIAN MACDEVITT
hair design

PETER HYLENSKI
make-up design

BERNARD TELSEY CASTING

orchestrations

DAVID BRIAN BROWN

incidental & dance music arranger

JOE DULUDE II
music director

IRWIN FISCH
executive producer production manager

DAVID CHASE

JAMES SAMPLINER
production stage manager

associate choreographer

MARK KAUFMAN
press representative

JUNIPER STREET PRODUCTIONS

marketing

JOANN M. HUNTER
music coordinator

ROLT SMITH
general management

RICHARD KORNBERG DON SUMMA

THE ARACA GROUP

JOHN MILLER

THE CHARLOTTE WILCOX COMPANY

choreographed by

ROB ASHFORD
directed by

JOHN RANDO
The world premiere of The Wedding Singer was produced with The 5th Avenue Theatre in Seattle, Washington, David Armstrong, Producing Artistic Director, Marilynn Sheldon, Managing Director. Original Broadway Cast Recording on Masterworks Broadway, a division of Sony BMG Masterworks, an operating unit of Sony BMG Music Entertainment.

produced for records by

DAVID LEONARD DAVID LAI MATTHEW SKLAR

scenes and musical numbers

act one
SCENE 1: SCENE 1: 1 2 SCENE 2: SCENE 3: SCENE 4: 3 SCENE 5: 4 SCENE 6: 5 6 SCENE 7: 7 SCENE 8: 8 SCENE 9: 9 10 SCENE 10: 11 SCENE 11: 12

act two
13 SCENE 2: 14 15 SCENE 3: SCENE 4: 16 SCENE 5: 17 SCENE 6: 18 SCENE 7: 19 20 SCENE 8: 21 SCENE 9: 22

Ridgefield, NJ, 1985

Reception Hall Its Your Wedding Day Robbie and Company 3:54 Someday Julia 3:30 The Loading Dock Robbies Bedroom Reception Hall A Note From Linda Linda 2:00 The Restaurant Pop! Holly, Julia, Angie and Company 3:10 Robbies Bedroom Somebody Kill Me* Robbie 1:50 A Note From Grandma Rosie 1:01 Reception Hall Casualty of Love Robbie and Company 3:08 The Loading Dock Come Out of the Dumpster Julia, Robbie 3:04 Reception Hall Today You Are a Man Robbie, Sammy, George 1:24 Georges Prayer George 1:28 The Mall Not That Kind of Thing Robbie, Julia and Company 3:14 Hollys Closet/The Club Saturday Night in the City Holly & Company 5:46

Glens Office All About the Green Glen, Robbie and Company 4:36 Reception Hall Someday (Reprise) Julia 0:58 Right in Front of Your Eyes Holly, Sammy 3:24 Rosies Porch The Bar Single Sammy, Robbie, George, Ricky, Bum and Men 3:41 Julias Bedroom If I Told You Robbie, Julia 3:15 Robbies Bedroom Let Me Come Home Linda 2:54 Reception Hall If I Told You (Reprise) Robbie, Julia 2:00 Move That Thang Rosie, George 2:10 White House Wedding Chapel, Las Vegas Grow Old With You* Robbie, Julia 2:14 Reception Hall Its Your Wedding Day (Finale) The Company 3:05

Casualty of Love

*Written by Adam Sandler and Tim Herlihy

4

Casualty of Love

cast

(in order of appearance)

orchestra + credits
CONDUCTOR : James Sampliner ASSOCIATE CONDUCTOR : John Samorian GUITARS : Larry Saltzman, Stephen Lynch, John Putnam, Gary Sieger; KEYBOARDS :

Robbie Hart . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . STEPHEN LYNCH Sammy . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . MATTHEW SALDIVAR George . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . KEVIN CAHOON Debbie . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ASHLEY AMBER HAASE Harold . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . SPENCER LIFF David . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . DAVID JOSEFSBERG Julia Sullivan . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . LAURA BENANTI Holly . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . AMY SPANGER Glen Guglia . . . . . . . . . . . . . . RICHARD H. BLAKE Rosie . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . RITA GARDNER Linda . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . FELICIA FINLEY Angie . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ADINAH ALEXANDER Mookie . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ERIC LAJUAN SUMMERS Crystal . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . TRACEE BEAZER Donatella . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . CARA COOPER Shane . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . MATT ALLEN Bad Haircut Guy . . . . . . . . . . . DAVID JOSEFSBERG Sideburns Lady . . . . . . . . . . . CHRISTINA SIVRICH Trekky . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . MATTHEW STOCKE Large Lady . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ADINAH ALEXANDER China Clerk . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ADINAH ALEXANDER Ricky . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ERIC LAJUAN SUMMERS Bum . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . PETER KAPETAN Vegas Airlines Ticket Agent . . . ADINAH ALEXANDER Impersonators . . . TRACEE BEAZER, CARA COOPER, PETER KAPETAN, J. ELAINE MARCOS, T. OLIVER REID, CHRISTINA SIVRICH, MATTHEW STOCKE

Album produced by David Leonard, David Lai and Matthew Sklar Album recorded and mixed by David Leonard Band recorded April 23 & 24, 2006, at Sony Music Studios, NYC ASSISTANT ENGINEERS : Andy Manganello, Sebastian Cotrone, Blake Douglas PROTOOLS ENGINEER : Blake Douglas BAND EDITING : Larry Kerr Vocals recorded May 1, 2006, at Right Track Studio 509A, NYC ASSISTANT ENGINEERS : Isaiah Abolin, Hyomin Kang PROTOOLS ENGINEERS : Angie Teo, Isaiah Abolin VOCAL EDITING : Isaiah Abolin Mixed at Sony Music Studios, NYC MIXING ASSISTANT : Blake Douglas Mastered by Vic Anesini at Sony Music Studios, NYC
DESIGN : Red Herring Design PHOTOGRAPHY : Joan Marcus A & R EXECUTIVE FOR MASTERWORKS BROADWAY :

James Sampliner, John Samorian, Jon Werking; BASS : Irio OFarrill; DRUMS : Warren Odze; REEDS : Clifford Lyons, Jack Bashkow; TRUMPET : Trevor Neumann; PERCUSSION : James Saporito
MUSIC COORDINATOR : John Miller ASSISTANT TO JOHN MILLER : Charles Butler ELECTRONIC MUSICAL INSTRUMENT PROGRAMMER :

Ensemble ADINAH ALEXANDER MATT ALLEN TRACEE BEAZER CARA COOPER ASHLEY AMBER HAASE NICOLETTE HART ANGELIQUE ILO DAVID JOSEFSBERG PETER KAPETAN KEVIN KERN SPENCER LIFF TINA MADDIGAN JOANNE MANNING J. ELAINE MARCOS MICHAEL MCGURK T. OLIVER REID CHRISTINA SIVRICH MATTHEW STOCKE ERIC LAJUAN SUMMERS

Irwin Fisch
KEYBOARD & ELECTRONIC MUSIC CONSULTANT :

Scott M. Riesett Muse Receptors provided courtesy of Muse Research MUSIC COPYING : Emily Grishman Music Preparation/Emily Grishman, Katharine Edmonds Music by Matthew Sklar Lyrics by Chad Beguelin Published by Jay Everett Music (ASCAP) ORCHESTRATIONS : Irwin Fisch INCIDENTAL & DANCE MUSIC ARRANGER : David Chase
COMPANY MANAGER : Edward Nelson ASSOCIATE COMPANY MANAGER : Beverly Edwards PRODUCTION STAGE MANAGER : Rolt Smith STAGE MANAGERS : Julie Baldauff, Janet Takami

Paul Cremo
PRODUCT MANAGEMENT : John Yakubik EDITORIAL DIRECTION : Elizabeth A. Wright LIBRETTO PREPARATION : Lucy Cross

The Wedding Singer opened on Broadway at the Al Hirschfeld Theatre on April 27, 2006.

synopsis
Its 1985 and New Jerseys favorite wedding singer Robbie Hart is rocking the reception hall with his signature tune, Its Your Wedding Day. When Robbies band takes a break, he bumps into the new waitress, Julia Sullivan. Its Julias first night and she cant help imagining what it would be like if she were the bride. Though her boyfriend Glen hasnt proposed, shes positive its bound to happen Someday. The following day, Robbie gets ready for his own wedding with the help of his Grandma Rosie. But while Robbies standing at the altar, he receives A Note From Linda. It seems that Robbies fianc has changed her mind. Robbie is devastated. Meanwhile, in the bathroom of the banquet hall, Julia is preparing for a date with Glen. Her cousin Holly and her mother Angie try to convince her that Glens going to propose. The set changes to a tacky revolving restaurant where Glen indeed finally asks Julia to marry him (Pop!). Still a wreck from being dumped, Robbie refuses to leave his bed. Instead, he spends his time writing songs about his now ex-fiance (Somebody Kill Me). His bandmates Sammy and George arrive and try to raise his spirits. They give him a letter they found taped to his bedroom door (A Note From Grandma). Convinced he must get back on the horse, Robbie agrees to play another wedding gig. But as soon as hes back at work, his depression turns to rage and he destroys the reception (Casualty of Love). The angry wedding guests toss Robbie into a dumpster outside the hall. Miserable, Robbie refuses to leave until Julia convinces him to Come Out of the Dumpster. Julia suggests that Robbie play non-wedding functions in order to get his feet wet again. Robbie takes her advice and books a bar mitzvah (Today You Are a Man). Robbie then introduces George, the bands keyboard player, saying that he has written a special song for the occasion (Georges Prayer). While George sings, Julia tells Robbie that Glen is too busy to help her register for wedding gifts. Robbie reluctantly agrees to stand in for Glen. As they make their way through the Ridgefield Galleria, Robbie and Julia constantly get mistaken for a couple (Not That Kind of Thing). Julia and Robbie meet up with Holly at the bridal salon. Holly demands to know what Julias wedding kiss will be like. After some cajoling from Holly, Julia practices the kiss on Robbie. Sparks fly. Never having seen this side of Robbie, Holly decides to ask him out on a date. In fact, everyone gets stoked for a Saturday Night in the City. At the club, Holly realizes that Robbie has fallen for Julia. She tells him that Julia is marrying Glen because hes rich. Robbie vows to become more like Glen to win Julia over as the curtain falls.

act one

Determined to start making money, Robbie shows up on Wall Street and asks Glen for a job. Glen reinforces Robbies suspicions that life is truly All About the Green. Meanwhile, Julia grills Holly about what happened at the club. Holly admits that she kissed Robbie, but nothing happened. Julia has doubts about Glen (SomedayReprise). Sammy shows up and tries to put the moves on Holly. Holly blows him off, but cant deny that shes starting to have feelings for him (Right in Front of Your Eyes). Julia finds out that Robbie has quit the band and is now working on Wall Street. She confronts Robbie, telling him he cant give up his music. Robbie tells Julia that shes only marrying Glen because hes got money. Julia storms off and Robbie goes to a bar to drink his problems away. Sammy and George show up and find Robbie getting drunk. They try to cheer him up by singing the joys of being Single. The song only makes Robbie decide to tell Julia how he really feels. Robbie arrives at Julias house and sees her through her window, dressed in her wedding gown. Afraid shell reject him, he decides not to tell her hes in love with her (If I Told You). Drunk and depressed, Robbie arrives home to find Linda waiting for him. She tries to restart their relation-ship, but Robbie ends up passing out (Let Me Come Home). Julia shows up the next morning and finds Linda in Robbies bedroom. Thinking they are back together, Julia decides to elope with Glen to Vegas. Robbie arrives at an anniversary party for his grandparents and Holly tells him that Julia and Glen have eloped. He decides to go after them (If I Told YouReprise). George and Rosie are left onstage alone. They provide their own style of music for the party (Move That Thang). Robbie arrives in Vegas, but cant find Julia and Glen. He meets up with a few celebrity impersonators who help him locate the missing couple. Robbie crashes the wedding and sings Julia his latest composition (Grow Old With You). Robbie proposes and Julia accepts. The happy couple, along with the Vegas impersonators, head home to Jersey. The show ends at Robbie and Julias wedding reception (Its Your Wedding Day).

act two

Linda (Felicia Finley)

Its Your Wedding Day

ROBBIE I WROTE A SONG SIX YEARS AGO WHILE PLAYING IN A WEDDING BAND THE WORD GOT OUT AND SUDDENLY THE BAND AND I ARE IN DEMAND AND NOW COUPLES ALL OVER JERSEY HIRE ME TO INSURE THEIR WEDDED BLISS ALL BECAUSE OF A TUNE I WROTE THAT TUNE GOES LIKE THIS: OH, WHEN ITS YOUR WEDDING DAY AND MY MUSIC STARTS TO PLAY I CAN GUARANTEE THAT ALL LOVE WILL FIND YOU ROBBIE YEAH, WHEN ITS YOUR WEDDING DAY ALL THE PROBLEMS MELT AWAY IF YOU COUNT ON ME CAUSE LOVE IS WHAT I DO NOW WHEN WE PLAY A WEDDING GIG ROBBIE, SAMMY & GEORGE WERE LIKE A FINELY TUNED MACHINE ROBBIE SAMMY DOES VAN HALEN LICKS WHILE GEORGE GETS DOWN ON TAMBOURINE

WE MIGHT PLAY YOU SOME CARELESS WHISPER SAMMY & GEORGE OR MAKE YOU WISH YOU HAD ALL JESSIES GIRL INSTEAD SAMMY & GEORGE BRING THE ROOM DOWN WITH ENDLESS LOVE ROBBIE THEN BLAST BANG YOUR HEAD ALL BANG YOUR HEAD! ROBBIE, SAMMY & GEORGE SO WHEN ITS YOUR WEDDING DAY AND MY MUSIC STARTS TO PLAY I CAN GUARANTEE THAT ALL LOVE WILL FIND YOU ROBBIE, SAMMY & GEORGE YEAH, WHEN ITS YOUR WEDDING DAY ALL THE PROBLEMS MELT AWAY IF YOU COUNT ON ME CAUSE LOVE IS WHAT I DO ROBBIE AND LONG BEFORE THE NIGHT IS THROUGH YOUR UNCLE LOU WILL BE MY UNCLE, TOO ILL BE SO TIGHT WITH YOUR COUSIN STEVE HELL INVITE ME OVER FOR CHRISTMAS EVE ILL DANCE YOUR MOM

ALL AROUND THE ROOM THEN PRESENT THE BRIDE AND GROOM (Dance break.) ROBBIE Line dance, follow me! ROBBIE & ENSEMBLE SO WHEN ITS YOUR WEDDING DAY AND MY MUSIC STARTS TO PLAY I CAN GUARANTEE THAT LOVE WILL FIND YOU YEAH, WHEN ITS YOUR WEDDING DAY ALL THE PROBLEMS MELT AWAY ROBBIE IF YOU COUNT ON ME ALL CAUSE LOVE IS WHAT ROBBIE YES, LOVE IS WHAT I DO ENSEMBLE DO, DO, DO, DO, DO, DO, DO DO, DO, DO, DO, DO, DO, DO DO, DO, DO, DO, DO, DO, DO ALL LOVE IS WHAT I DO!

Someday
JULIA Did you see the bride? She looks so perfect. HOLLY I know. Dont you hate her? JULIA Hate her? Shes so happy! SHE TURNS AROUND AND SHE MEETS HIS GAZE THE LIGHTS ARE DIM, THERES A SMOKEY HAZE THEY SHARE A SMILE AND A SECRET WAVE ITS A MOMENT BUILT TO SAVE THEY START TO MOVE ACROSS THE FLOOR THE ROOM IS FROZEN, WANTING MORE THE HAPPY COUPLE ON DISPLAY WITH NOTHING STANDING IN THEIR WAY ITS SO ROMANTIC I COULD DIE RIGHT HERE AND NOW ITS GONNA BE THAT WAY FOR US I KNOW SOMEHOW SOMEDAY WHEN ITS ME ILL KNOW OUR LOVE WAS MEANT TO BE NOT ONE SINGLE COMPLICATION OR CAUSE FOR HESITATION

SOMEDAY WHEN THE DREAM IS COMING TRUE ALL YOULL NEED IS ME AND ALL ILL NEED IS YOU HOLLY Julia, take that veil off! JULIA Okay! THEY STOP AND POSE FOR A PHOTOGRAPH HE JOKES AROUND JUST TO MAKE HER LAUGH THE ROOM IS FULL, BUT THEYRE ALL ALONE THEY HAVE A LANGUAGE ALL THEIR OWN AND IM SO JEALOUS I COULD CRY AND YET I KNOW IT WONT BE LONG BEFORE YOU SAY WERE GOOD TO GO SOMEDAY WHEN ITS ME ILL KNOW OUR LOVE WAS MEANT TO BE NOT ONE SINGLE COMPLICATION OR CAUSE FOR HESITATION SOMEDAY WHEN THE DREAM IS COMING TRUE ALL YOULL NEED IS ME AND ALL ILL NEED IS YOU

I KNOW NOT EVERY MARRIAGE LASTS WHEN THINGS GO BAD IVE SEEN THE WARNING SIGNS, I CALL THEM MOM AND DAD BUT SOON YOULL TAKE MY HAND AND PLEDGE YOUR LOVE TO ME TILL THEN ILL JUST GET MARRIED VICARIOUSLY JULIA & WOMEN SOMEDAY WHEN ITS ME ILL KNOW OUR LOVE WAS MEANT TO BE JULIA NOT ONE SINGLE COMPLICATION OR CAUSE FOR HESITATION SOMEDAY WHEN THE DREAM IS COMING TRUE WOMEN IS COMING TRUE JULIA ALL YOULL NEED IS ME WOMEN ALL YOULL NEED IS ME JULIA & WOMEN AND ALL ILL NEED IS YOU!

A Note from Linda

LINDA TO MY DEAREST ROBBIE I THINK WE NEED SOME SPACE PLEASE FORGIVE MY TIMING DOT-DOT-DOT SMILEY FACE YOU SEE, I WOKE THIS MORNING PREPARED TO WALK ON AIR BUT REALIZED THAT YOU CRAMPED MY STYLE AS I CRIMPED MY HAIR YOURE JUST NOT THAT SAME PERSON THE GUY I USED TO KNOW IM NOT IN LOVE WITH ROBBIE NOW BUT ROBBIE SEVEN YEARS AGO YOU COULD HAVE BEEN IN MOTLEY CRUE OR DAVID LEE ROTHS REPLACEMENT BUT INSTEAD YOU SING WHILE PEOPLE CHEW AND LIVE IN YOUR GRANDMAS BASEMENT I HOPE THIS NOTE IS SOMETHING THAT YOU CAN RISE ABOVE DEEP DOWN YOU WERENT IN LOVE WITH ME YOU WERE JUST IN LOVE WITH LOVE AND SO ITS BEST WE END THIS BEFORE WE EVEN START SIGNED YOUR PAL LINDA THE I IS DOTTED WITH A BROKEN HEART

Pop!
HOLLY EVERY FIVE SECONDS A GIRL GETS ENGAGED ACCORDING TO COSMOS LATEST QUIZ SO EVERY FIVE SECONDS YOU GET ONE MORE CHANCE TO MAKE HIM GET DOWN ON THAT KNEE OF HIS ITS A CHALLENGE THAT EVERY WOMAN FACES SO LETS MAKE SURE THAT WEVE COVERED OUR BASES ANGIE YOUVE LIVED OFF TAB AND LEAN CUISINE HOLLY CONCEALED YOUR FLAWS WITH MAYBELLINE HOLLY & ANGIE YOURE MINTY FRESH AND ZESTFULLY CLEAN! HOLLY SO HES GONNA POP ANGIE POP! HOLLY THE QUESTION HES GONNA POP WOMEN POP! POP! HOLLY & WOMEN THE QUESTION

SO THERES NO REASON TO STOP AND QUESTION HIS LOVE OH, POP THE QUESTION ANGIE Oh my god! Shes like Cinderella. HOLLY And Im like her fairy godmother, only slutty. JULIA EVERY FIVE SECONDS I SAY TO MYSELF THAT GLEN AND I ARE BOUND TO TIE THE KNOT BUT EVERY FIVE SECONDS I CANT HELP BUT ASK IS SOMEONE A CATCH IF THEY CANT BE CAUGHT? COULD IT BE THE GUY HAS JUST OUTGROWN ME NO MATTER HOW YOU PRIMP ME OR OVER-COLOGNE ME AND JILTED GIRLS HAVE LOUSY STATS ILL DIE ALONE IN SOCKS AND FLATS THE LADY WITH THE FIFTY CATS HOLLY & ANGIE NO! HOLLY & WOMEN HES GONNA POP JULIA HELL NEVER POP HOLLY & WOMEN HES GONNA POP

JULIA HELL NEVER ALL POP THE QUESTION HOLLY & WOMEN SO THERES NO REASON TO STOP AND QUESTION HIS LOVE QUESTION HIS LOVE QUESTION HIS LOVE ANGIE & HOLLY OH POP THE QUESTION! HOLLY Youre gonna be fine. Just breathe. GLEN Hey, baby. You look hot. Lets eat.

JULIA THE REASON WHY HE CHOSE THIS PLACE IS NOW SO CRYSTAL CLEAR LIKE OUR RELATIONSHIP WERE GOING ROUND IN CIRCLES HERE AND WHERE HES SITTING, ITS AS IF IT ALL REVOLVES AROUND HIM GLEN Everybodys having champagne. You dont want any, do you? JULIA Im cool. IF ONE MORE COUPLE GETS ENGAGED OR I HEAR ONE MORE CORK

ITS HARI KARI WITH THIS FANCY LITTLE SALAD FORK HE NIXED THE BUBBLY WHICH CAN ONLY MEAN THE OUTLOOK IS GRIM JULIA All right, Glen, I know why were here GLEN You do? JULIA This is the end, right? GLEN The end of what? JULIA You know the end. The end of you and me as boyfriend and girlfriend. GLEN Actually, yeah, it is (Opens a ring box.) Cause, Baby, I want us to be husband and wife. ENSEMBLE HE TOTALLY POPPED THE QUESTION TOTALLY POPPED THE QUESTION

SO THERES NO REASON TO STOP AND QUESTION HIS LOVE QUESTION HIS LOVE QUESTION HIS LOVE GLEN What do you say? JULIA Yes! ALL HIS LOVE!!

OH, SOMEBODY KILL ME PLEASE SOMEBODY KILL ME PLEASE IM ON MY KNEES PRETTY, PRETTY PLEASE KILL ME I WANT TO DIE PUT A BULLET IN MY HEAD

A Note from Grandma

ROSIE TO MY DEAREST ROBBIE I KNOW YOURE FEELING LOW AND THOUGH THINGS MIGHT SEEM DISMAL THERES ONE THING YOU NEED TO KNOW YOULL FIND SOMEONE WHO LOVES YOU SURE AS WAVES WILL FIND THE SHORE AND WHEN YOURE SAD, REMEMBER THAT LINDA IS A SKANKY WHORE

ROBBIE Tell me about it! SIDEBURNS LADY I PUT A TOP HAT ON MY CAT THEN ASKED HIM TO MY PROM TREKKIE I WAS STOOD UP BY MY DATE AND BY DATE I MEAN MY MOM LARGE LADY EACH NIGHT I OPEN UP MY MOUTH AND GIVE THOSE TWINKIES A SHOVE ROBBIE WELL, I KNOW WHY YOU DO IT YOURE A CASUALTY OF LOVE LOSERS IM A CASUALTY OF LOVE

LOSERS CASUALTIES OF LOVE ROBBIE LOVES A HOAX LOVES A TEASE A PINATA FULL OF BEES LOSERS CASUALTIES OF LOVE ROBBIE LOVES A JOKE LOVES A SCAM A SERGEANT SLAUGHTER BODYSLAM LOSERS CASUALTIES OF LOVE ROBBIE LOVES A WOUND WATCH IT BLEED LOVES THE ONLY THING I (Dance break.) AND YOULL END UP JUST LIKE US CAUSE, TRUST ME, LOVE ALWAYS ENDS YOULL BE FAT, DIVORCED AND BROKE WHILE SHE HAS SEX WITH ALL OF YOUR FRIENDS YOULL BE CASUALTIES OF LOVE!

Somebody Kill Me
ROBBIE YOU DONT KNOW HOW MUCH I NEED YOU WHILE YOURE NEAR ME I DONT FEEL BLUE AND WHEN WE KISS I KNOW YOU NEED ME, TOO I CANT BELIEVE I FOUND A LOVE THATS SO PURE AND TRUE BUT IT ALL WAS BULLSHIT IT WAS A GODDAMN JOKE AND WHEN I THINK OF YOU LINDA I HOPE YOU FUCKING CHOKE I HOPE YOURE GLAD WITH WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME I LAY IN BED ALL DAY LONG FEELING MELANCHOLY YOU LEFT ME HERE ALL ALONE, TEARS RUNNING CONSTANTLY

Casualty of Love
ROBBIE I THOUGHT I HAD THE KIND OF LOVE YOU FIND IN FAIRY TALES BUT THEN MY GIRL RIPPED OUT MY HEART WITH HER PLASTIC PRESS-ON NAILS SO IF YOUVE FELT THE KIND OF PAIN THIS LOSERS SINGING OF THEN LET ME HEAR YOU SAY IT IM A CASUALTY OF LOVE JUST A CASUALTY OF LOVE! SIDEBURNS LADY Im a casualty of love!

ROBBIE JUST A CASUALTY OF LOVE LOSERS IM A CASUALTY OF LOVE!! ROBBIE WERE FROM DIFFERENT WALKS OF LIFE AND DIFFERENT POINTS OF VIEW BUT WE COME TOGETHER NOW ROBBIE & LOSERS (To BRIDE and GROOM.) THROUGH OUR HATRED OF YOU! CAUSE WERE CASUALTIES OF LOVE ROBBIE LOVES A TRICK LOVES A TRAP LOVES A HOT CHICK WITH THE CLAP

LOSERS LOVES A TRICK LOVES A TRAP LOVES A HOT CHICK WITH THE CLAP ROBBIE CASUALTIES OF LOVE

LOSERS LOVES A WOUND WATCH IT BLEED ROBBIE & LOSERS LOVES THE ONLY THING I NEED I NEED!! ROBBIE AND NO ONES EVER GONNA LOVE A CASUALTY OF LOVE!

ROBBIE Okay, Ill try (ROBBIE starts to pull himself out, then slips.) Oof! JULIA SO YOURE BACK IN THE DUMPSTER WELL, THATS LIKE A METAPHOR EVERYONE HAS A DUMPSTER A STUMBLING BLOCK THEY CANT IGNORE BUT TO FIGHT IT MAKES YOU STRONGER AND NEXT TIME YOU MIGHT STAND SO COME OUT OF THAT DUMPSTER HERE, TAKE A HOLD OF MY HAND SO YOUR FIRST DAY BACK WASNT ALL YOU ANTICIPATED ROBBIE I BIT THE BEST MAN THE BRIDE HAD TO BE SEDATED JULIA BUT THIS SORT OF THING HAPPENS ALL THE TIME WHEN LIFE GIVES YOU GARBAGE YOU USE IT TO CLIMB LOOK YOURE OUT OF THE DUMPSTER WAS THAT SO HARD AFTER ALL? IT WAS ONLY A DUMPSTER ROBBIE AND FROM HERE IT LOOKS SO SMALL

JULIA

SO YOURE BACK WHERE YOU STARTED ON YOUR WAY TO SUCCESS SO WILL YOU SING AT MY WEDDING?
ROBBIE

NO

Come Out of the Dumpster

JULIA SO TONIGHT YOU MADE SOME MISTAKES ILL ADMIT YOU HIT A FEW BUMPS BUT I HATE TO SEE YOU LIKE THIS DOWN ON YOUR LUCK, DOWN IN THE DUMPS THOUGH HOPE MIGHT SEEM IN SHORT SUPPLY YOU HAVE TO MOVE ON YOU HAVE TO TRY SO COME OUT OF THE DUMPSTER DONT LEAVE ME STANDING HERE COME OUT OF THE DUMPSTER ITS OKAY, THE COAST IS CLEAR THE COP CARS ARE LEAVING CHANNEL FIVES PACKED UP ITS CREW SO COME OUT OF THE DUMPSTER ILL BE RIGHT HERE WAITING FOR YOU

Today You Are A Man

ROBBIE

THERES A GIFT FROM EVERY GUEST

ROBBIE & BAND

TODAY YOU ARE A MAN

ROBBIE

THE COCKTAIL FRANKS HAVE ALL BEEN BLESSED

ROBBIE & BAND

TODAY YOU ARE A MAN

ROBBIE

YOUR GOYIM FRIENDS HAVE BEEN AGOG SINCE THEY LEFT THE SYNAGOGUE DRUNK ON SCHNAPPS AND IN A FOG AND SPEAKING HEBREW BEST THEY CAN
SAMMY

(Attempting Hebrew.) LaChaim!

Come Out of the Dumpster

10

Saturday Night in the City

11

ROBBIE & BAND CAUSE YOURE A MAN! ROBBIE THERES A WAITRESS DRESSED UP LIKE A GO-GO GEORGE BUT REMEMBER SHIKSAS ARE A NO-NO! ROBBIE GO SHAKE HANDS WITH EACH TOM, DICK AND HERSCHEL SAMMY THEYLL BE SHVITZING AND WHATS EVEN WORSE YOULL ROBBIE & BAND HAVE TO KISS YOUR AUNTS AND WATCH YOUR ZAYDE DANCE BUT REMEMBER THIS IT COULD BE TEN TIMES WORSE AT LEAST ITS NOT YOUR BRISS YOUR BRISS TODAY YOU ARE A ROBBIE BOY-BOY-BOY BOY-BOY-BOY BOY-BOY-BOY GEORGE & SAMMY Boy? ROBBIE No! ALL 3 A MAN! Ol!

Not That Kind of Thing

CLERK Now, kids, couples always argue when they come here to register. My advice is, be very careful... ITS A TRICKY SITUATION FIRST FIGHT IVE SEEN COUPLES FACE DISASTER WHY NOT TELL YOURSELVES YOURE BOTH WRONG BOTH RIGHT IT MEANS THAT YOULL MAKE UP FASTER

ROBBIE I HATE TO TELL YOU BUT WERE NOT WITH EACH OTHER WERE SISTER AND BROTHER JULIA AND HES THE SLOW ONE ROBBIE SHES AN IDIOT ACCORDING TO MOTHER JULIA IT TAKES ONE TO KNOW ONE ROBBIE & JULIA TELL THE NIGHT TO SAVE ITS MOONLIGHT TELL THE BIRDS NOT TO SING TELL THE STARS IN THE HEAVENS THEYVE BEEN MISALIGNED CAUSE ITS NOT THAT KIND OF THING CRYSTAL Look, a sale on towels! Hold my purse for me. MOOKIE Baby, please. No. CRYSTAL I said hold it! (She holds out her purse. He takes it sheepishly.) JULIA (Holds out her purse.) Um, Robbie? Hold my purse? ROBBIE No. JULIA I said hold it!

CRYSTAL YOU GET STUCK WITH THEM FOR BETTER JULIA OR WORSE JULIA & CRYSTAL NO MATTER WHICH WAY YOU STACK IT ROBBIE & MOOKIE ITS EMASCULATING HOLDING A PURSE ROBBIE AND IT DOESNT MATCH MY JACKET YOUR EVIL SCHEME HAS WORKED OUT JUST AS YOU PLANNED IT I NOW UNDERSTAND IT JULIA , I SHOP YOU CARRY ROBBIE I DO THE WORK AND YOU MAKE OUT LIKE A BANDIT JULIA ITS TRUE ROBBIE No. Its scary. JULIA No. Youre scary! ROBBIE Youre scary!

Georges Prayer
GEORGE OH, OO HOO, BARUCH ATAH ADONAI ELOHEINU MELECH HAOLAM OH, SHEHECHEYANU VKIYMANU VHIGYANU LAZMAN HAZEH AMEN, AMEN OH SHAPIRO FAMILY I SAID AMEN OO HOO, AMEN

Glen (Richard H. Blake)

12

ROBBIE, JULIA & ENSEMBLE TELL THE NIGHT TO SAVE ITS MOONLIGHT TELL THE BIRDS NOT TO SING TELL THE STARS IN THE HEAVENS THEYVE BEEN MISALIGNED CAUSE ITS NOT THAT KIND OF THING ROBBIE TRUE, THERE ARE TIMES WHEN HER EYES MEET MINE AND LINGER THERE MAYBE A BIT TOO LONG JULIA AND I WONDER IS THERE SOMETHING HIDDEN IN HIS STARE ROBBIE & JULIA NO, I COULDNT BE MORE WRONG ALL TELL THE NIGHT TO SAVE ITS MOONLIGHT TELL THE BIRDS NOT TO SING TELL THE STARS IN THE HEAVENS THEYVE BEEN MISALIGNED CAUSE ITS NOT THAT KIND NO ITS NOT THAT KIND NO ITS NOT THAT KIND OF THING JULIA Oh my God, Robbie. Thats the dress. Thats the dress I was meant to get married in. You think Ill look all right? ROBBIE Youll look beautiful.

Saturday Night in the City

HOLLY WHEN THE WEEKEND ROLLS AROUND I HOUND THE HOTTEST SPOTS MY FAVORITE CLUBLL ALWAYS DOUBLE ALL MY VODKA SHOTS GOT MY SKIN TIGHT BUSTIER AND PLASTIC CRUCIFIX TONIGHT WERE GONNA PARTY LIKE ITS 1986! CAUSE ITS SATURDAY NIGHT SATURDAY NIGHT SATURDAY NIGHT IN THE CITY ALL ITS SATURDAY NIGHT SATURDAY NIGHT SATURDAY NIGHT IN THE CITY HOLLY ONCE YOURE PAST THE VELVET ROPES YOUR WILDEST DREAMS COME TRUE JULIA THE DANCE FLOOR SMOKE GLEN A BUMP OF COKE GEORGE AND EVERYTHING TABOO ROBBIE I GOTTA PAIR A PARACHUTE PANTS THAT GRANDMA BOUGHT ME TO WEAR

SAMMY CANT WAIT TILL CHICKS START FLOCKING TO MY FLOCK OF SEAGULLS HAIR ALL NEW YORK IS RESERVED FOR THE RICH AND PROUD BUT HERE COMES THE BRIDGE AND TUNNEL CROWD ALL AND ITS SATURDAY NIGHT SATURDAY NIGHT SATURDAY NIGHT IN THE CITY ITS SATURDAY NIGHT SATURDAY NIGHT SATURDAY NIGHT IN THE CITY GUYS OUT ON THE PROWL GIRLS AND DRESSED TO IMPRESS ALL HOPING SUNDAY MORNING YOULL HAVE SINS TO CONFESS GOTHS, PUNKS AND POSEURS AND YUPPIE SNOBS GALORE EVERYBODYS EQUAL WHEN THEYRE THRASHING ON THE FLOOR CAUSE ITS SATURDAY NIGHT SATURDAY NIGHT SATURDAY NIGHT IN THE CITY ITS SATURDAY NIGHT SATURDAY NIGHT SATURDAY NIGHT IN THE CITY

GLEN Look at the wedding singer go! Holly is gonna rock his world tonight! JULIA Wow, shes kinda into him. GLEN Anything wrong, baby? JULIA Why would anything be wrong? Lets get drunk! ALL WHOA WHOA SATURDAY NIGHT IN THE CITY JULIA Hey, Glen and I got engaged! ROBBIE Yeah, you already told us that. (To GLEN) Is she okay? She seems a little tipsy JULIA Im not tipsy! (Loud whisper to GLEN.) Im hammered! GLEN Okay, baby, time to go home. (GLEN helps steer JULIA off.) ROBBIE Maybe I should go help Glen.

HOLLY Forget him! Forget everybody! CHECK OUT THE VIEW YOULL LIKE WHAT YOU SEE MY BODYS AN AMUSEMENT PARK, THE FIRST RIDES ON ME DONT STOP TO QUESTION IF YOURE GONNA SCORE BEING YOUNG AND STUPID IS WHAT SATURDAY IS FOR ALL ITS WHAT SATURDAY IS FOR! AND ITS SATURDAY NIGHT SATURDAY NIGHT SATURDAY NIGHT IN THE CITY ITS SATURDAY NIGHT SATURDAY NIGHT SATURDAY NIGHT IN THE CITY (HOLLY kisses ROBBIE) HOLLY That wasnt anything like that kiss you gave Julia. ROBBIE Holly HOLLY I cant believe I never noticed it. ROBBIE What? HOLLY You have a thing for Julia. ROBBIE No, I dont.

HOLLY (Gently) Robbie. Shes marrying Glen. (GLEN and JULIA appear outside the club.) GLEN I told you some air would make you feel better. JULIA You are, like, so awesome. And your hair is...so hard. GLEN Uh-huh. The valets pulling the car around. Well get you home and in bed. (The DeLorean appears. JULIA and GLEN drive off.) ROBBIE TELL THE NIGHT TO SAVE ITS MOONLIGHT TELL THE BIRDS NOT TO SING TELL YOURSELF THAT YOU MUST HAVE BEEN OUT OF YOUR MIND CAUSE ITS NOT THAT KIND NO ITS NOT THAT KIND OF THING HOLLY SATURDAY NIGHT IN THE CITY (HOLLY pulls a chain and is doused with water, a la Flashdance.) ALL SATURDAY NIGHT SATURDAY NIGHT SATURDAY NIGHT IN THE CITY ITS SATURDAY NIGHT SATURDAY NIGHT SATURDAY NIGHT IN THE CITY!

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All About the Green

GLEN THERES A BIG SHINY FUTURE YOUVE BEEN DYING TO BUY BETTER START POWER LUNCHING IN YOUR POWER TIE YOU CANT WAIT FOR FATE TO SOMEHOW INTERVENE IF YOU WANNA BE SOMEBODY ITS ALL ABOUT THE GREEN ROBBIE Im sure its a little more complicated GLEN ITS ALL ABOUT THE GREEN SOME MAY SAY YOURE HEADED DOWN A CROOKED TRAIL BUT IF YOU SELL YOUR SOUL, AT LEAST YOUVE MADE A SALE YOU COULD END WORLD HUNGER OR CREATE A VACCINE BUT IF YOU WANNA BE SOMEBODY ITS ALL ABOUT THE GREEN SUITS WANNA BE SOMEBODY? GLEN ITS ALL ABOUT THE GREEN SUITS WANNA BE SOMEBODY? GLEN ITS ALL ABOUT THE BIG BUCKS FAT CHECKS

MIDNIGHT FLIGHTS TO LAX GLEN & FIRST SUIT SLUSH FUNDS HIGH FIVES GLEN, 1ST & 2ND SUIT TRADING STOCKS AND TRADING WIVES GLEN, 1ST, 2ND & 3RD SUIT C NOTES HALF GS GLEN, 1ST, 2ND, 3RD & 4TH SUIT BUYING OUT THE JAPANESE GLEN, 1ST, 2ND, 3RD, 4TH & 5TH SUIT LAND DEALS DOWN IN BOCA GLEN DOING DRINKS WITH IACOCCA YEAH, ITS ALL ABOUT THE GREEN SUITS WANNA BE SOMEBODY? GLEN ITS ALL ABOUT THE GREEN SUITS WANNA BE SOMEBODY? GLEN ITS ALL ABOUT THE JUNIOR SECRETARY Hey, Gulia, I just got back from Seattle. Theres a coffee store there thats thinking of going national. Did you get my memo on that?

GLEN Nobodys ever gonna pay three bucks for a cup of coffee! Bring me some real tips! SECOND SUIT I got something my brother-in-law works for Coca-Cola. Theyre changing their formula gonna sell it as New Coke. GLEN New Cokethats brilliant! Buy all the Coca-Cola stock you can get your hands on! See, Robbie ITS ALL ABOUT THE GREEN SUITS WANNA BE SOMEBODY? GLEN ITS ALL ABOUT THE GREEN SUITS WANNA BE SOMEBODY? GLEN ITS ALL ABOUT THE BANK ROLLS LEGAL TENDER STRIPPERS SCREAMING GLENS SECRETARY HEY, BIG SPENDER! GLEN & FIRST SUIT CUT THROAT FIRM EXPANSION GLEN, 1ST & 2ND SUIT REGROUP AT THE PLAYBOY MANSION

GLEN, 1ST, 2ND & 3RD SUIT BLUE CHIPS PINK SLIPS GLEN, 1ST, 2ND, 3RD & 4TH SUIT FOREIGN BEERS AND EGO TRIPS ALL BANK BOARDS GETTIN ANTSY GLEN JELLYBEANS FROM RON AND NANCY YEAH, ITS ALL ABOUT THE GREEN SUITS WANNA BE SOMEBODY? GLEN ITS ALL ABOUT THE GREEN SUITS WANNA BE SOMEBODY? GLEN ITS ALL ABOUT THE GLEN CORPORATE HACKS LIKE STABBING BACKS AND TWISTING ARMS REAL SLOW BUT YOU ONLY HOLLER UNCLE IF YOUR UNCLE IS THE C.E.O. YEAH, ITS ALL ABOUT THE GREEN SUITS WANNA BE SOMEBODY? GLEN ITS ALL ABOUT THE GREEN SUITS WANNA BE SOMEBODY?

GLEN ITS ALL ABOUT THE QUICK DEAL LIQUIDATION GLEN & FIRST SUIT S&L DEREGULATION GLEN, 1ST & 2ND SUIT GRAND SLAM STRONG GAINER GLEN, 1ST, 2ND & 3RD SUIT DERSHOWITZ ON RETAINER GLEN, 1ST, 2ND, 3RD & 4TH SUIT OUTPUT INCOME GLEN, 1ST, 2ND, 3RD, 4TH & 5TH SUIT SKIMMING OFF A TIDY SUM GLEN REAGANOMICS QUID PRO QUO ALL THE G.O.P IS S.R.O.! . GLEN YEAH, ITS ALL ABOUT THE GREEN SUITS WANNA BE SOMEBODY? GLEN ITS ALL ABOUT THE GREEN SUITS WANNA BE SOMEBODY?

GLEN ITS ALL ABOUT THE (ROBBIE, appears in a suit, a strange gleam in his eye.) ROBBIE ITS ALL ABOUT THE PAY DIRT SHUCK AND JIVE GLEN FIVE TO NINE ROBBIE NOT NINE TO FIVE GLEN KICK BACKS ROBBIE PAYOLA BOTH INSIDE TIPS ON PEPSI-COLA GLEN NASDAQ ROBBIE DOW JONES BOTH WORSHIPING THE MILKEN CLONES OLD CIGARS NEW CAMARO YO QUIERO MORE DINERO SUITS ITS ALL ABOUT THE GREEN ROBBIE I WANNA BE SOMEBODY

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SUITS ITS ALL ABOUT THE GREEN ROBBIE I WANNA BE SOMEBODY GLEN WANNA BE SOMEBODY SUITS ITS ALL ABOUT THE GREEN ALL WANNA BE SOMEBODY SUITS ITS ALL ABOUT THE GREEN ALL WANNA BE SOMEBODY ITS ALL ABOUT THE ALL ABOUT THE GREEN

Right In Front Of Your Eyes

HOLLY EVERY TIME YOU SEE HIS FACE YOU GET ANNOYED AND IF IGNORANCE IS BLISS, HES OVERJOYED AND CAN WE TALK ABOUT THAT STUFF HE CALLS HIS HAIR BUT WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF ONE DAY HE WASNT THERE? YOURE CAUGHT BY SURPRISE COULD YOU WAKE UP ONE DAY AND REALIZE THE ONE THAT YOU WANT IS RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOUR EYES EVERY NIGHT A HUNDRED GUYS COME THROUGH THE DOOR THEY TAKE YOUR BREATH AWAY EACH TIME THEY TAKE THE FLOOR AND THEYVE GOT THE BUCKS, THE TUX, THE KILLER FACE BUT YOURE STILL THINKING OF THAT JACKASS WITH THE BASS YOURE CAUGHT BY SURPRISE COULD YOU WAKE UP ONE DAY AND REALIZE THE ONE THAT YOU WANT IS RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOUR EYES YOU MIGHT HAVE A CHAMPAGNE WISH OR TWO PLUS A CAVIAR DREAM BUT ARE THE LIFESTYLES OF THE RICH AND FAMOUS REALLY ALL THEY SEEM?

(Dance break.) SAMMY THE ONE THAT YOU WANT IS RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOUR EYES HOLLY YOURE CAUGHT BY SURPRISE COULD YOU WAKE UP ONE DAY AND REALIZE THE ONE THAT YOU WANT THE ONE THAT YOU WANT THE ONE THAT YOU WANT IS RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOUR EYES

Single
SAMMY NO ONE TELLS YOU HOW YOU OUGHT TO LIVE NO ONE GLARES WHEN YOU DO JELLO SHOOTERS GUYS JELLO SAMMY NO ONE SAYS THAT YOURE INSENSITIVE CAUSE HER BIRTHDAY MEAL TOOK PLACE AT HOOTERS GUYS HOOTERS SAMMY NO ONE TELLS YOU THAT YOUR BALD SPOTS GROWN OR THAT YOU OUGHT TO TONE YOUR FLAB

Someday

(Reprise)

JULIA SOMEDAY WHEN ITS ME ILL HOPE OUR LOVE WAS MEANT TO BE NOT ONE SINGLE COMPLICATION OR CAUSE FOR HESITATION SOMEDAY WHEN THE DREAM IS COMING TRUE WILL YOU BE RIGHT FOR ME WILL I BE RIGHT FOR YOU?

Holly (Amy Spanger) & Sammy (Matthew Saldivar)

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GUYS TONE YOUR FLAB SAMMY SO POUR A DOUBLE GIN HERES TO YOUR DOUBLE CHIN ALL YEAH, START THE PARTY, START A TAB SAMMY CAUSE YOURE ALL SINGLE SAMMY YOU ARE ALL SINGLE SAMMY AND YOULL KEEP STAYING SINGLE IF YOURE SMART GUYS IF YOU ARE SMART SAMMY YEAH, YOURE SINGLE YOU ARE SINGLE NO CHICK WILL EVER MOONWALK ON YOUR HEART GUYS MOONWALK ON YOUR HEART

SAMMY TRUST ME ALL THIS IS WHEN THE GOOD TIMES REALLY START SAMMY NO ONE MINDS THE LAUNDRY ON YOUR FLOOR RICKY NO ONE POUTS WITH EVERY CHICK YOU LOOK AT BUM NO ONE TRIES TO CLEAN YOUR PORNO DRAWER SAMMY NO ONE TRAPS YOU WITH SAMMY, GEORGE, RICKY & BUM DOES MY ASS LOOK FAT? GEORGE BUST A MOVE IN WOMENS UNDERWEAR WHILE YOURE BLASTING CHER OR WHAM GUYS CHER OR WHAM! SAMMY, GEORGE, RICKY & BUM SO FILL YOUR RANGERS CUP THE TOILET SEAT STAYS UP THE FRIDGE GETS STOCKED WITH BEER AND SPAM GEORGE CAUSE YOURE

ALL SINGLE GEORGE YOU ARE ALL SINGLE GEORGE NOT A CARE IN THE WORLD CAN BOTHER YOU GUYS CAN BOTHER YOU GEORGE YOU ARE SINGLE YOU ARE SINGLE YOU CAN DO WHAT YOUVE ALWAYS WANTED TO GUYS ALWAYS WANTED TO GEORGE WELL, NO COMMITMENTS SAMMY, GEORGE, RICKY & BUM CAUSE YOURE ONLY PASSING THROUGH (They start to rap.) RICKY YO, MAKING A DATE WITH SOME NEEDY GIRL IS A WASTE OF MY TIME AND MY JHERI CURL SAMMY I DONT NEED A GIRL WHO DONT UNDERSTAND WHEN I GOT A DATE WITH MY LEFT HAND

BUM WELL, I LIKE THE LADIES, HEAVEN KNOWS BUT IN THE WORDS OF NIETZSCHE, BROS BEFORE HOS GEORGE NOW, I DONT LIKE A GIRL WHOLL CRY AND BAWL IN FACT I NEVER LIKED GIRLS AT ALL

ROBBIE SAMMY, GEORGE, RICKY AND BUM IM STARTING TO SEE WHERE YOURE COMING FROM ROBBIE CAUSE IM ALL SINGLE ROBBIE OH, YEAH

ALL SINGLE ROBBIE ILL BEHAVE LIKE A DUDES MEANT TO BEHAVE GUYS MEANT TO BEHAVE

Single
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ROBBIE ALWAYS SINGLE EVER SINGLE SINGLE NOW AND TILL IM IN MY GRAVE ALL SINGLE TILL I AM LYING IN MY GRAVE SAMMY THOUGH AT TIMES I MIGHT WANT SOMEONE TO HOLD ME TIGHT AND PROMISE ME THAT EVERYTHINGLL BE ALL RIGHT BUM (Hugs SAMMY) Everythingll be all right. SAMMY Thanks, man. ALL ILL STAY SINGLE TILL IM ROTTING SLOWLY IN MY LONELY FORGOTTEN GRAVE

If I Told You
ROBBIE WAITING HERE UNDERNEATH YOUR WINDOW HOPING FOR SOME KIND OF SIGN EVERY MOVE, EVERY TINY GESTURE ONLY PROVES THAT YOURE NOT MINE I COULD WRITE YOU A THOUSAND LOVE SONGS SEARCH THE WORLD FOR THE PERFECT TUNE AND RHYME BUT WHAT GOOD WOULD IT DO WHEN IT SEEMS IM OUT OF TIME? IF I TOLD YOU ALL THE WORDS IVE YET TO SAY WOULD THEY MATTER? OR WOULD YOU SIMPLY TURN AND WALK AWAY? IF I HOLD YOU WILL YOU TELL ME I SHOULD GO? DO I CHANCE IT? OR WOULD IT JUST BE BETTER NOT TO KNOW? JULIA WHOS THAT GIRL WITH THE PERFECT FUTURE HER REFLECTION SAYS IT ALL TRYING HARD TO PRETEND SHES EAGER SEARCHING FOR SOME WAY TO STALL

SO UNSURE OF THE ROAD SHES CHOSEN FACED WITH FEELINGS HER HEART SHOULD NOT ALLOW ONE THINGS CERTAIN IT SEEMS THAT SHE JUST CANT TURN BACK NOW IF SHE CAN, TELL HER HOW JULIA & ROBBIE IF I TOLD YOU JULIA ALL THE WORDS IVE YET TO SAY ROBBIE ALL THE WORDS JULIA WOULD THEY MATTER? JULIA & ROBBIE OR WOULD YOU SIMPLY TURN AND WALK AWAY? ROBBIE IF I HOLD YOU JULIA IF I HOLD YOU ROBBIE WILL YOU TELL ME I SHOULD GO? ROBBIE & JULIA DO I CHANCE IT? OR WOULD IT JUST BE BETTER NOT TO KNOW? WOULD IT JUST BE BETTER NOT TO KNOW? NOT TO KNOW?

Let Me Come Home

LINDA I KNOW I KIND OF WENT OUT WITH A BANG WHEN I DUMPED YOU OUT OF THE BLUE BUT MY HEARTS JUST LIKE A BOOMERANG IT CAME RIGHT BACK TO YOU NOW IM CONFESSIN IVE LEARNED MY LESSON GIVE ME YOUR BLESSIN TO COME BACK HOME TO STAY HERES WHAT IM TRYING TO SAY LET ME COME HOME TO YOU BABY LET ME COME HOME LET ME COME HOME TO YOU BABY LET ME COME HOME ROBBIE I dont wanna be alone anymore LINDA You dont have to be, baby NOW I COULD TRY AND DATE SOME GLAMOROUS GUY AND THINGS MIGHT TURN OUT COOL BUT AS I LEARNED WHEN I APPLIED TO DEVRY YOU GOTTA HAVE A SAFETY SCHOOL NOW YOURE MY BACK-UP DONT MAKE ME PACK UP AND HAVE TO SHACK UP DOWN BY THE INTERSTATE YEAH, ILL REITERATE

LET ME COME HOME TO YOU BABY LET ME COME HOME LET ME COME HOME TO YOU BABY LET ME COME HOME AND TOMORROW WHEN YOU WAKE UP YOULL NO LONGER HAVE AN EX CAUSE THE BEST PART OF A BREAKUP IS THE MAKE-UP SEX LET ME COME HOME TO YOU BABY LET ME COME HOME LET ME COME HOME TO YOU BABY LET ME COME HOME LET ME COME HOME TO YOU BABY LET ME COME HOME LET ME COME LET ME COME LET ME COME HOME

If I Told You (Reprise)

ROSIE Im now going to read a poem that I wrote for my husband on this, our very special day ROBBIE AND I WONDER IF I MIGHT HAVE LET YOU SLIP AWAY AND ARE YOU GONE FOR GOOD AND I WONDER IS THERE SOMETHING LEFT THAT I COULD SAY

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AND (Lights up on JULIA in an airplane seat. GLEN is asleep next to her.) JULIA IF I TOLD YOU ALL THE WORDS IVE YET TO SAY WOULD THEY MATTER OR WOULD YOU SIMPLY TURN AND WALK AWAY ROBBIE IF I TOLD YOU I WONDER IF I TOLD YOU ROSIE And now that its been fifty years I still have you to dry my tears And shield me from all fears and harms Heres to fifty more years in your arms JULIA IF I HOLD YOU WILL YOU TELL ME I SHOULD GO DO I CHANCE IT OR WOULD IT JUST BE BETTER NOT TO KNOW? ROBBIE I WONDER IF ITS TRUE I WONDER IF I HOLD YOU I WONDER WOULD IT JUST BE BETTER NOT TO KNOW

Move That Thang

GEORGE Mrs. Hart, um, it seems weve lost half our band for the party. This is awkward. ROSIE George, I think I can come up with something. Gimme a beat! WELL, FIRST THINGS FIRST, MY NAME IS ROSE I CAN BUST FLY RHYMES JUST LIKE THE PROS I AINT GOT TIME FOR TEA AND SCONES FORGET ROCKIN CHAIRS, I ROCK MICROPHONES THE ROOF THE ROOF THE ROOF MIGHT HAVE SNOW BUT THAT DONT MEAN THERE AINT A FIRE BURNING DOWN BELOW GEORGE CAUSE ITS NEVER TOO LATE ROSIE ALL MY HOMIES SAY GEORGE NEVER TOO LATE, YAALL ROSIE ALL THE LADIES SAY GEORGE NEVER TOO LATE

ROSIE EVERYBODY SAY ROSIE & GEORGE NEVER TOO LATE TO MOVE THAT THANG GEORGE WILL YOU STAND LIKE A FOOL, JUST BLINKIN AND SHRUGGIN SCARED TO SAY THE TRUTH, CAUSE YOU MIGHT START BUGGIN? ROSIE NOT THE R TO THE O TO THE S TO THE E DO YOU FEEL ME, BOO? GEORGE INDUBITABLY WHEN FEAR SAYS OUR DREAMS MIGHT NOT FULFILL US JUST REPLY: ROSIE WHACHU TALKIN BOUT, WILLIS? GEORGE SO YOURE SAYING TO TAKE EACH SNAG IN STRIDE AND JUST PASS THE DUTCHIE ON THE LEFT HAND SIDE? ROSIE KEEP IT COOL AND YOU WONT START ILLIN GEORGE I KNOW YOURE NOT ILLIN ROSIE IM CHILLIN LIKE A VILLAIN

GEORGE CAUSE ITS NEVER TOO LATE ROSIE ALL MY HOMIES SAY GEORGE NEVER TOO LATE, YAALL ROSIE ALL THE LADIES SAY GEORGE NEVER TOO LATE ROSIE EVERYBODY SAY ROSIE & GEORGE NEVER TOO LATE TO MOVE THAT THANG GEORGE NEVER TOO LATE ROSIE MOVE THAT THANG GEORGE NEVER TOO LATE ROSIE MOVE THAT THANG GEORGE NEVER TOO LATE ROSIE & GEORGE NEVER TOO LATE TO MOVE THAT THANG GEORGE Word to your grandmother!

Grow Old With You

ROBBIE I WANNA MAKE YOU SMILE WHENEVER YOURE SAD CARRY YOU AROUND WHEN YOUR ARTHRITIS IS BAD OH ALL I WANNA DO IS GROW OLD WITH YOU ILL GET YOUR MEDICINE WHEN YOUR TUMMY ACHES BUILD YOU A FIRE IF THE FURNACE BREAKS OH IT COULD BE SO NICE GROWING OLD WITH YOU ILL MISS YOU KISS YOU GIVE YOU MY COAT WHEN YOU ARE COLD NEED YOU FEED YOU EVEN LET YOU HOLD THE REMOTE CONTROL SO LET ME DO THE DISHES IN OUR KITCHEN SINK PUT YOU TO BED WHEN YOUVE HAD TOO MUCH TO DRINK OH I COULD BE THE MAN WHO GROWS OLD WITH YOU ROBBIE & JULIA ILL MISS YOU KISS YOU TAKE YOUR SHOES OFF AND RUB YOUR FEET

NEED YOU FEED YOU AND WHEN WE PLAY CHECKERS ILL LET YOU CHEAT SO LET ME DO THE DISHES IN OUR KITCHEN SINK PUT YOU TO BED WHEN YOUVE HAD TOO MUCH TO DRINK OH I COULD BE THE ONE WHO GROWS OLD WITH YOU I WANNA GROW OLD WITH YOU ROBBIE Julia, will you marry me? JULIA On one condition WILL YOU SING AT MY WEDDING? ROBBIE (Thinks about it, then) YES!

Its Your Wedding Day (Finale)

SAMMY HE WROTE A SONG SIX YEARS AGO WHILE PLAYING IN A WEDDING BAND GEORGE THE WORD GOT OUT AND SUDDENLY HIS BAND WAS SUPER IN DEMAND

Rosie (Rita Gardner) & George (Kevin Cahoon)

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TINA PEOPLE CALLED HIM THE WEDDING SINGER HE SANG AT WEDDINGS AND SO THE NAME WAS APT HOLLY BUT HE GOT DUMPED BY HIS FIANCE AND THEN HE JUST SNAPPED TINA HE JUST SNAPPED HOLLY & TINA HE JUST SNAPPED! HE JUST SNAPPED HE JUST SNAPPED! CYNDI HE MET A GIRL NAMED JULIA WHO SAVED HIM FROM HIS TALE OF WOE HOLLY & TINA WHOA-OH-OH IMELDA (Sings in Filipino) ARNEL AKONG NGALAN IMELDA ASA MAN ANG BANYO NINYO HOLLY, TINA & CYNDI YO YO YO! BILLY IDOL FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO SPEAK FILIPINO

BILLY IDOL YOU KNOW THAT THINGS ENDED UP THE WAY THEY SHOULD MR. T THATS THE WAY THAT THE STORY ENDS ROSIE CARE TO DANCE? MR. T YES, I WOULD Come on Granny, show me what youre made of! RONALD REAGAN Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. and Mrs. Robbie Hart! ROBBIE, JULIA & ENSEMBLE IF I TOLD YOU WHAT IM FEELING NOW INSIDE YOUD BE CERTAIN THERES NOT A SINGLE THING THAT WE SHOULD HIDE IF I HOLD YOU THERES ONE PROBLEM YOU SHOULD KNOW IF I HOLD YOU I MIGHT NOT EVER LET YOU GO!

ALL SO WHEN ITS YOUR WEDDING DAY AND MY MUSIC STARTS TO PLAY I CAN GUARANTEE THAT LOVE WILL ALWAYS FIND YOU YEAH, WHEN ITS YOUR WEDDING DAY ALL THE PROBLEMS MELT AWAY IF YOU COUNT ON ME CAUSE LOVE IS WHAT ROBBIE YES, LOVE IS WHAT (A light hits them, for a moment ROBBIE and JULIA are in their own little world.) ROBBIE I do. JULIA I do. (They kiss. The room goes crazy.) ALL I DO LOVE IS WHAT I DO!

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