CONFLICT RESOLUTION: STEPS TO PROFESSIONAL HARMONY

EffectiveConflict Resolution
StudentManual

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TableofContents
TableofContents.................................................................................................................................2 SectionOne:GettingStarted ...............................................................................................................4 . WorkshopObjectives................................................................................................................................5 ActionPlansandEvaluations.....................................................................Error!Bookmarknotdefined. SectionTwo:IntroductiontoConflictResolution.................................................................................6 Conflict,WhatIsIt?...................................................................................................................................7 WhatisEffectiveConflictResolution?......................................................................................................8 UnderstandingtheEffectiveConflictResolutionProcess........................................................................9 SectionThree:EffectiveConflictResolutionStyles.............................................................................10 Collaborating...........................................................................................................................................11 Competing...............................................................................................................................................12 Compromising.........................................................................................................................................13 Accommodating......................................................................................................................................14 Avoiding..................................................................................................................................................15 SectionFour:CreatinganCommunicativeAtmosphere......................................................................16 DefuseEmotions.....................................................................................................................................17 SettingGroundRules..............................................................................................................................18 ChoosingtheTimeandPlace..................................................................................................................20 SectionFive:MutualUnderstanding..................................................................................................21 WhatDoIWant? ....................................................................................................................................22 . WhatDoTheyWant?..............................................................................................................................23 WhatDoWeWant?................................................................................................................................24 SectionSix:FocusingonIndividualandSharedNeeds........................................................................25 IdentifyCommonGround.......................................................................................................................26 BuildPositiveEnergyandGoodwill........................................................................................................27 StrengthenYourPartnership..................................................................................................................29 SectionSeven:AnalysingtotheRootCause.......................................................................................31 ExaminingRootCauses...........................................................................................................................32 CreatingaCauseandEffectDiagram .....................................................................................................33 .

P a g e |3 IdentifyingtheBenefitsofResolution....................................................................................................35 SectionEight:CreateOptions.............................................................................................................36 Generate,DontEvaluate .......................................................................................................................37 . CreatingMutualGainOptionsandMultipleOptionSolutions...............................................................38 DiggingDeeperintoYourOptions..........................................................................................................39 SectionNine:SolutionBuilding..........................................................................................................40 CreatingCriteria......................................................................................................................................41 CreatingaShortlist..................................................................................................................................42 ChoosingaSolution................................................................................................................................43 BuildingaPlan.........................................................................................................................................44 SectionTen:AdditionalTools.............................................................................................................45 StressManagementTechniques.............................................................................................................46 AngerManagementTechniques.............................................................................................................47 TheAgreementFrame............................................................................................................................48 AskingOpenQuestions...........................................................................................................................49 SectionEleven:WrappingUp.............................................................................................................50 WordsfromtheWise..............................................................................................................................50

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SectionOne:GettingStarted
Therearemanywaystoresolveconflictssurrendering,runningaway,overpoweringyouropponent withviolence,filingalawsuit,etc.Conflictresolution,grewoutofthebeliefthattherearebetter optionsthanusingviolenceorgoingtocourt.Today,conflictresolutionisusedinawiderangeof industriescoveringanarrayofdifferentsituations. Thiscoursewilldemonstratethesixstepprocesstoresolveconflictsofanysize.Youwillalsolearn crucialconflictresolutionskills,includingdealingwithangerandusingtheAgreementFrame.

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WorkshopObjectives

Researchhasconsistentlydemonstratedthatwhencleargoalsareassociatedwithlearning,itoccurs moreeasilyandrapidly.Withthatinmind,letsreviewourgoalsfortoday. Attheendofthisworkshop,participantsshould: Understandwhatconflictandeffectiveconflictresolutionmeans. Understandallsixphasesoftheconflictresolutionprocess. Understandthefivemainstylesofconflictresolution. Beabletoadapttheprocessforalltypesofconflicts. Beabletobreakoutpartsoftheprocessandusethosetoolstopreventconflict. Beabletousebasiccommunicationtools,suchastheagreementframeandopenquestions. Beabletousebasicangerandstressmanagementtechniques.

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SectionTwo:IntroductiontoConflictResolution
Itisveryeasytoviewallconflictasnegative,butthisisnottrue.Wearealldifferentandthose differencescansometimesemergeasconflict.Viewingconflictinthiswaycanhelpusconsiderthe possiblepositiveoutcomesoftheproblemathand.Thisworkshopwillintroduceconflictresolution processesthatwillhelpyoubetterunderstandthosedifferences,enablingyouinteractinamore positiveandproductiveway.

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Conflict,WhatIsIt?
Letslookatthetruemeaningofconflict.TheDictionary definesconflictas, tocomeintocollisionordisagreement;becontradictory,at variance,orinopposition;clash. Whereverpeopleliveandworktogethertherewillbe tensionsanddisagreements.Whilstsomearerelatively minorskirmisheswhichsoonblowover;othersbecome entrenchedandsimmerawayforyears.Afewescalateand explodeintoseriousstrife.

Someexamplesofconflictcaninclude: Executivesreceivea10%payincreasewhilstshop flooremployeesarelaidoff. Anemployeegainspermissiontoworkfromhomewhilstotheremployeesarerefused. Onedepartmentrefusestoworkwithanotherduetoapersonalityclashwithmanagement. Oneemployeeisbulliedbytheirsupervisor.

Workplaceconflictswillbeourmainfocusduringthisworkshop;howeverthetoolsweutilisecanbe usedinpersonalsituationsalso. Conflictcanalsobehealthyforanorganisation.Conflictcansometimesincreasemotivationand competitivenessincertainsituations. Twocompaniesvieforthetopmarketshare. Severalsalespeopleworktobethetopsalesperson. AFLteamsworktowardsplayingatthegrandfinal.

Theseexamplesofconflictcanresultingreatersuccess,whethersuccessmeansabetterproduct, betterteamwork,betterprocesses,lowerprices,trophies,ormedals. Everyoneexperiencesconflictitshowyoudealwithitthatmatters.

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WhatisEffectiveConflictResolution?
Conflictresolutioncanbeobtainedinmanydifferentways,frommutualagreementtocompletely wipingoutyouropponent.FewofuscandenythattheconflictofWorldWar2waseventuallyresolved, butatwhatcost?IfGermanyhadwonthewar,thiswouldalsomarktheresolutiontotheconflict.This wouldimplythatconflictresolutionhasnorightorwrongoutcome,onlyasubsidenceoftheconflict. EffectiveConflictResolutionimpliesasatisfactoryoutcometotheconflictwhichsatisfiesallparties. Somecommonconflictresolutiontermsinclude: Mediation:Aprocesstoresolvedifferences,conductedbyanimpartialthirdparty. Mediator:Inimpartialpersonwhoconductsaprocesstoresolvedifferences. DisputeResolution:Thenamegiventoany processaimedatresolvingdifferencesbetween twoparties. ApparentConflict:Asituationwheretheconflict isintheopen. HiddenConflict:Asituationwheretheconflictis notintheopen. DestructiveConflict:canresultinheavy organisationalandpersonalcosts. ConstructiveConflict:canenhanceproblem solving,anddecisionmaking

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UnderstandingtheEffectiveConflictResolutionProcess

Conflictcomesinmanyforms,andourprocesswillhelpyouinanysituation.Belowyoucanfindabrief overviewofhowwearegoingtospendmostofthisworkshop. Althoughwehaveoutlinedthevariousconflictresolutionphasesinaparticularorderandwitha particulargrouping,thatdoesntmeanthatyouhavetouseallthephasesallthetime.

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SectionThree:EffectiveConflictResolutionStyles
Aswithmanysubjectsthatimproveourworkingorpersonalenvironment,EffectiveConflictResolution hasfivewidelyacceptedstylesandprocesses.Wewillconcentrateduringthisworkshoponthe collaborativestyle.Theremaybesomesituationsthatrequireadifferentstylesoduringthissectionof theworkshopwewilltouchontheotherfourstyles. Understandingallfivestylesandknowingwhentousethemisanimportantpartofsuccessfuleffective conflictresolution. TheFivestylesinclude: Collaborating Competing Compromising Accommodating Avoiding

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Collaborating
Collaboratingisbothassertiveandcooperativethecompleteoppositeofavoiding.Collaborating involvesanattempttoworkwithotherstofindsomesolutionthatfullysatisfiestheirconcerns.Itmeans diggingintoanissuetopinpointtheunderlyingneedsandwantsofthetwoindividuals.Collaborating betweentwopersonsmighttaketheformofexploringadisagreementtolearnfromeachother's insightsortryingtofindacreativesolutiontoaninterpersonalproblem.Thisistheapproachthatwe willuseduringthisworkshop. Thecollaborativeapproachencouragespartiesinconflicttoworktogethertodevelopawinwin solution.Thisapproachpromotesassertiveness (ratherthanaggressivenessorpassiveness). Thisstyleisappropriatewhen: Thesituationisnoturgent. Animportantdecisionneedstobemade. Theconflictinvolvesalargenumberof people. Previousconflictresolutionattempts havefailed

Thisstyleisnotappropriatewhen: Adecisionneedstobemadeurgently. Thematteristrivial.

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Competing
Competingisassertiveanduncooperativeanindividualpursueshisownconcernsattheother person'sexpense.Thisisapowerorientedmodeinwhichyouusewhateverpowerseemsappropriate towinyourownpositionyourabilitytoargue,yourrank,oreconomicsanctions.Competingmeans "standingupforyourrights,"defendingapositionwhichyoubelieveiscorrect,orsimplytryingtowin. Withacompetitiveapproach,thepersoninconflicttakesafirmstand.Thisstyleisoftenseenas aggressive,andcanoftencausetheotherpartytofeelinjuredorsteppedon. Thisstyleisappropriatewhen: Adecisionneedstobemadequickly(i.e., emergencies). Anunpopulardecisionneedstobemade. Someoneistryingtotakeadvantageofa situation.

Thisstyleisnotappropriatewhen: Peoplearefeelingsensitiveabouttheconflict. Thesituationisnoturgent.

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Compromising
Compromisingismoderateinbothassertivenessandcooperativeness.Theobjectiveistofindsome expedient,mutuallyacceptablesolutionthatpartiallysatisfiesbothparties.Itfallsintermediate betweencompetingandaccommodating.Compromisinggivesupmorethancompetingbutlessthan accommodating.Likewise,itaddressesanissuemore directlythanavoiding,butdoesnotexploreitinasmuch depthascollaborating.Insomesituations,compromising mightmeansplittingthedifferencebetweenthetwo positions,exchangingconcessions,orseekingaquick middlegroundsolution. Withthecompromisingapproach,eachpersoninthe conflictgivesupsomethingthatcontributestowardsthe conflictresolution. Thisstyleisappropriatewhen: Adecisionneedstobemadesoonerratherthanlater. Resolvingtheconflictismoreimportantthanhavingeachindividualwin. Powerbetweenpeopleintheconflictisequal.

Thisstyleisnotappropriatewhen: Awidevarietyofimportantneedsmustbemet. Thesituationisextremelyurgent. Onepersonholdsmorepowerthananother.

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Accommodating
Accommodatingisunassertiveandcooperativethecomplete oppositeofcompeting.Whenaccommodating,theindividual neglectshisownconcernstosatisfytheconcernsoftheother person;thereisanelementofselfsacrificeinthismode. Accommodatingmighttaketheformofselflessgenerosityor charity,obeyinganotherperson'sorderwhenyouwouldprefer notto,oryieldingtoanother'spointofview. Thisstyleisoneofthemostpassiveconflictresolutionstyles. Withthisstyle,oneofthepartiesinconflictgivesupwhatthey wantsothattheotherpartycanhavewhattheywant.In general,thisstyleisnotveryeffective,butitisappropriatein certainscenarios. Thisstyleisappropriatewhen: Maintainingtherelationshipismoreimportantthanwinning. Theissueathandisveryimportanttotheotherpersonbutisnotimportanttoyou.

Thisstyleisnotappropriatewhen: Theissueisimportanttoyou. Accommodatingwillnotpermanentlysolvetheproblem.

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Avoiding
Avoidingisunassertiveanduncooperativethepersonneitherpursueshisownconcernsnorthoseof theotherindividual.Thushedoesnotdealwiththeconflict.Avoidingmighttaketheformof diplomaticallysidesteppinganissue,postponinganissueuntilabettertimeorsimplywithdrawingfrom athreateningsituation. Peoplewhousethisstyletendtoacceptdecisionswithoutquestion,avoidconfrontation,anddelegate difficultdecisionsandtasks.Thisisanotherpassiveapproachthatistypicallynoteffective,butitdoes haveitsuses. Thisstyleisappropriatewhen: Theissueistrivial. Theconflictwillresolveitselfsoon.

Thisstyleisnotappropriatewhen: Theissueisimportanttoyou. Theconflictwillcontinueorgetworse withoutattention.

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SectionFour:CreatinganCommunicativeAtmosphere
Creatingacommunicativeatmosphereisaveryimportantstepintheeffectiveconflictresolution process.Thepeopleinvolvedintheconflictwilltypicallybenegative.Withemotionslikeanger, frustration,anddisappointmentbeingonlyafewroadblocksyouwillhavetocontendwith.By establishingapositivecommunicativeatmosphere,youcanbegintoturnthatnegativeenergyaround, andcreateapowerfulproblemsolvingforce.Thiscreatesasoundfoundationfortheeffectiveconflict resolutionprocessto start.

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DefuseEmotions
Beforebeginningtheeffectiveconflictresolutionprocess,theremustbeawillingnessbybothpartiesto resolvetheconflict.Thismayseemaanobviousrequirementbutinsomecompetingconflictsoneparty maynotwishtodiscussifthereisanyhinttheymayneedtogiveanyground.Withoutbuyinfromboth sides,achievingawinwinsolutionisclosetoimpossible. Onceparticipantshaveagreedthattheydowishtoresolvetheconflict,itisimportanttodefuseas manynegativeemotionsaspossible.Thisrequiresyoutoallowtheparticipantsintheconflicttimeto ventandworkthroughthefeelingsassociatedwiththe conflict. Keystepsforthepeopleinconflictinclude: Acceptthatyouhavenegativefeelingsand thatthesefeelingsarenormal. Acknowledgethefeelingsandtheirroot causes.Example:IfeelveryangrythatMarie neverofferstomakethetea. Identifyhowyoumightresolveyourfeelings. Example:IfMariewouldoffertomakethetea occasionallyinsteadwaitingformetomake it.

Thiscangenerateideasaboutwhattherootcauseoftheconflictis,andhowtoresolveit.Example: Mariesworkmaybeheavierthanmine.Iwonderifshemightbehavingsomestressandanxiety regardinghertime.

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SettingGroundRules
Groundrulesprovideaframeworkorasetofrulesforpeopletoresolvetheirconflict.Groundrules shouldbesetatthebeginningofanyeffectiveconflictresolutionprocess.Theycanbeverybrieforvery detailedwhateverthesituationrequires. Groundrulesshouldbe: Developedandagreeduponbybothparties. Positivewhenpossible. Fairtobothparties Enforceable Adjustable Distributedtobothpartieswhoagreetothe rulespriortothemeetingtakingplace.

Ifthepartiesareusingamediatortohelpthemresolvetheconflict,itisimportantthatthegroundrules aredevelopedbythepartiesandnotthemediator.Themediatorsroleistoguideandmentor,notto judge. Someexamplesofgroundrulesinclude(includinganexplanationofitspurpose): Keepinteractionsrespectful,evenwhenfeelingfrustratedorhurt.Avoidingputdowns,name calling,interruptions,etc.Thishelpspreventconflictescalation. Maintainemotionalcontrol,evenwhenfeelingangry.Ventorredirectemotionstoavoidyelling orotherintimidatingbehaviour.Thishelpsprovideasafeenvironmentforresolving differences. Keepinteractionson"hottopics"withinastructuredprocess.Avoidingspontaneousdiscussions onsuchissueshelpspreventunintended"blowups."Usingaplannednegotiationormediation helpsfocusandbalancecommunicationaboutespeciallydelicateissues. Showawillingnesstounderstand.Ifothersfeelunderstoodandacknowledged,theyaremore likelytocollaboratewhenproblemsolving.Thisrequiresfocusingonandempathisingwith whatisbeingcommunicatedbyothersratherjustwaitingforaturntorespond. Communicatehonestlyandopenly.Holdingbackonwhattherealconcernsarewillonlydelay orcomplicatetheresolutionofdifferences.

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P a g e |19 Beasobjectiveaspossible.Avoidspeculation,rumours,andassumptions.Relyonpersonal observationsandexperiencesorwhatcanbeindependentlyverifiedthroughacredible witnessoravailabledocumentation. Expressconcernsinaconstructivemanner.Eachpartydescribingwhichofhis/herneedsare notbeingmetistypicallybetterreceivedbyothersthanaccusationsordemandsforchange. Focusonfuturesolutionsratherthanpastblame.Emphasisingwhatneedstobechanged ratherthanwhoisatfaulttakeslesstimeandenergyandincreasesthechancesofsuccessful change. Lookforsolutionsthatmeeteveryone'sneeds.Usinganapproachthattriestofindcommon groundorsharedinterestsisthemosteffectivewayforeachpersontogethis/herownneeds met.Anapproachthatdisregardsaperson'sneedsislikelytocauseresentmentinthat individual,whichcanleadtofutureresistanceorretaliation.

Participantscanusethegroundrulesthroughouttheconflictresolutionprocesstomonitorandmodify theirbehaviours.Groundrulesgiveparticipantsanobjective,logicalwayofaddressingpersonalattacks andemotionalissues. Anexample:David,Ifeellikeyouhavecutoffmylastseveralstatements.Weagreedatthebeginning ofthisthatwewouldlistentoeachothersstatementsfullybeforeanswering. Iftheconflictisbeingmediated,thisalsogivesthemediatorafairwaytogiveparticipantsfeedbackand helpthemworkwiththeconflict.Sincethesamerulesarebeingappliedtoeveryone,itcanhelpthe mediatormaintainfairnessandavoidbias.

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ChoosingtheTimeandPlace
Thoughtfulconsiderationoftheenvironmentinwhich thediscussionsaretotakeplaceareveryimportant. Thecorrectlocationenhancestheparties commitment,supportsqualitydecisionmaking,and canenhancetheappearanceofthemediators neutrality.Itcouldbethemostimportantdecision madebythemediator. Theenvironmentshouldincludephysicalsurroundings thataffectpeoplesbodilycomfortlevels.Italso shouldincludesomelesstangibleelements:the partiesrelativelevelsofpower,theirfeelingsof safety,andarrangementsthatconveyrespect. Youshouldremembertobringflipcharts,markers, calculators,andnotepadsfortheparties.Makesure thefacilityhasavailablephones,faxmachines,laptopcomputers,andprinters.Ifyoufeelitnecessary, maketissuesavailable.Onsitetissuesrelieveemotionalpartiesofembarrassmentandtension.They communicateaclearnonverbalmessagethatcryingisanacceptableandnormaleventthathappens duringthisstressfultime. Makesurethatthereislotsoftimeallowed.Minimisedistractionsifpossible:turncellphonesoff, forwardofficephonestovoicemail,andturnoffcomputers. Ifyouaremediatingaconflictresolutionmeeting,beconsciousoftheneedsofbothpartieswhen schedulingthemeeting.Makesurethatthetimechosenworkswellforbothofthem.Choosealocation thatisneutral(onethattheyarebothcomfortablewithorthatneitherhasvisitedbefore).Removing distractionswillenablebothpartiestoconcentrateonthematterathand:resolvingtheconflict.

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SectionFive:MutualUnderstanding
Twoteenagebrothersstilllivingathomewiththeirparents, bothwantedtoborrowthefamilycaratthesametime.Their parentsarrivehometohearablazingrowbetweenthetwo youngmen.Theargumentswentonforhoursuntiltheir mothercouldntstanditanylongerandintervened,asking theboyswheretheyweregoing.Oneofthebrotherswas travellingtohisgirlfriendsandtheotherwasplayingfootball attheotherendoftown.Oncloserinvestigationitbecame apparentthatthebrotherseeinghisgirlfriendcouldeasilybe droppedoffbytheotherbrotheronhiswaytoplayfootball. Thiswouldallowtheotherbrothertohaveafewbeersashe didnthavetoworryaboutdrinkinganddriving. Thismodelofwinwinsituationsandmutualgainisourpreferredoutcomeforanyconflict.Inthis section,wewillexplorehowcreatingmutualunderstandingcanlaythegroundworkforawinwin solution.

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WhatDoIWant?
Thepreviousstoryregardingthetwobrothershighlightssomethingfundamentaltoeffectiveconflict resolution,whatdoIreallywant?Thepossessionofthecarwasnttherootoftheproblem,arrivingat thedesireddestinationwas. Identifyingwhatyoupersonallywantoutofthe conflictshouldbestatedasobjectivelyandas positivelyaspossible. Examplesofthiscouldbe: Iwantafairshareofallnewcustomers. Iwantabetterworkingrelationshipwith mymanager. Iwantchangestotheschedule.

Agoodideaistocreatetwoversionsofyour personalneedsstatement:youridealresolution andyourrealisticresolution.Or,youcouldframe yourstatementintoseveralstepsiftheconflictiscomplicated. Anotherusefulexerciseistobreakdownyourstatementintowantsandneeds.Thisisparticularly valuableifyourstatementisvague.Letstakethestatement,Benisunhappywithhis/hermanager overworkassignments. WANT Moreinputintotheschedulingprocess Amoreregularschedule NEED Toworklessthan40hoursperweek Morenoticeofanyovertime requirements

Thiswillgiveyousomebargainingroomduringtheconflictresolutionprocess,andwillhelpensurethat yougetwhatyouneedoutofthesolution.Intheexampleabove,youmaybewillingtogiveupamore regularscheduleifmorenoticeforanyovertimeworkwasprovided.

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WhatDoTheyWant?
Next,identifywhatthepersonthatyouareinconflictwithwants.Trytoframethispositively.Exploreall theanglestomaximiseyourpossibilitiesformutualgain. Theseframingquestionswillhelpyoustart theprocess. Whatdoesmyopponentneed? Whatdoesmyopponentwant? Whatismostimportanttothem? Whatisleastimportanttothem?

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WhatDoWeWant?
Nowthatyouhaveidentifiedthewantsandneedsof bothsides,youneedtolookforanyoverlaps.These overlapswillbethestartforestablishingmutual ground. Hereisanexample.SamandJaneareinconflictover thecurrentworkingschedule.Asthemostsenior membersoftheproductionlineteam,theyboth alternatetheirregulardutieswiththatoftheline manager.Althoughtakingontheresponsibilitygives thelinemanageranextra$250pershift,theline manageralsohastoworkanextrahourpershift,and hasadditionalsafetyresponsibilities. SamandJanebothworkMondaytoFriday.Asaregularproductionlineteammember,theirshiftsare from9:00a.m.to5:00p.m.AsLineManager,theyareexpectedtoworkfrom8:30a.m.to5:30p.m. WANTS SAM Tohaveatleasttwolinemanager shiftsperweek,astheextramoney isuseful. Toleaveby5p.m.onMondaysand Wednesdaystopickuphis children. Toensurethatthelinemanager positioniscoveredbysomeone fromMondaytoFriday,8:30a.m. to5:30p.m. JANE Tohaveatleasttwolinemanager shiftsperweek. Toleaveby5p.m.onFridays. Nottohavemorethanthreeline managershiftsperweekasitwill requirehertopayextrataxes. Toensurethatthelinemanager positioniscoveredbysomeone fromMondaytoFriday,8:30a.m. to5:30p.m.

NEEDS

ThechartaboveshowsclearlythatSamandJanehavethesamegoal,whichistoensurethattheline mangerpositioniscoveredbysomeone.Thisisalogisticalconflictratherthanonedrivenbyemotion. Wecanalsoseefromthechartthatthereseemstobesomegoodstartinggroundforasolution. Whenworkingthroughthewantsandneedsofbothparties,becarefulnottojumptoconclusions. Rather,beonthelookoutfortherootcause.Often,theproblemisnotwhatitseems.

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SectionSix:FocusingonIndividualandSharedNeeds
Atthispointintheprocessitmayappearwehavemadehardlyanyprogressinresolvingtheconflict. Indeed,mostoftheseprimarystepsarefocusedoninformationgatheringandproblemsolving. Butbybuildingsharedinterestsorcommonground,youwillhaveabetterunderstandingofeach others'needs.Gettoknowtheotherpartybetter,listentotheirdesiresandassesstheirstatements.Let theotherpartyknowmoreaboutyousotheymaybetterknowyouaswell.Thiswillallowyouto positivelyprogresstowardresolvingtheconflict.Youcanthenmakealistofoptionsyoushareasaway tosatisfyingindividualneedsandinterests,oneofthekeybuildingblocksforwinwinsolutions. Thissectionwilllookatsometechniquesforbuildingcommonground,andhowtousecommonground tocreateapartnership.

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IdentifyCommonGround
Inalmosteverysituationofconflicttherewillbe commongroundbetweentheparties.Wehave alreadytalkedaboutfindingcommongroundwhen exploringeachsideswantsandneeds. Inourearlierexample,withSamandJaneinconflict overthelinemanagerschedule,theybothwantedto ensurethatthepositionwascoveredduringtheir hoursofresponsibility.Otherpossibleareasof commongroundcouldincludeensuringthesafetyof theassemblylineteamorbothSamandJaneneeded theextramoney.Tryhardenoughandyoullfind somethingincommon! Youshouldcontinuetotrytofindcommonground throughouttheentireconflictresolutionprocess.It willhelpyouunderstandyouradversaryspositionandbetterpositionyoutohelpcreateawinwin solution.Thesepositivegestureswillbuildgoodwill,andhelpyoumaketheshiftfrombeingtwopeople inconflicttobeingtwopeopleworkingtosolveamutualproblem. Fromanemotionalperspectivefindingcommongroundbetweenyouandtheotherparty,oryouand thedisputingparties(ifyouareactingasamediator)willenablethetwopartiestoseeeachotheras peopleagain,ratherthantheenemy. Someexamples: Ithinkthecompanyneedsamoreunifiedsalesteam,too. Iwouldreallylikeustowinfirstplacethisyear,too. Iagreethatwecangetthisconflictresolvedandbuildabetterwidget. Iwouldliketotakemyfamilyonaspecialholidaythisyear,too.

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BuildPositiveEnergyandGoodwill
Thereareoftenmanynegativeemotionsassociatedwithconflict.Nowonderconflictmakesmany peopleupsetandanxious,andoftenresultsinnegativefeelingslikeangeranddisappointment. Ifyouareabletoturnthatnegativeenergyintopositiveenergyandbuildgoodwillwiththepersonthat youareinconflictwith,resolvingtheconflictwillbemucheasier.Ironically,themorenegativethe situation,themoreimportantthisstepis. Letssaythatthepersonthatyouareinconflictwithisveryangrywithyou.Althoughtheyhaveagreed thattheywanttoresolvetheconflict,theyarecooltowardsyouandputtinginminimumefforttowards resolvingtheproblem. Youmaythink,WhyshouldIbother?Thisisavery importantquestionindeed.Howmuchenergyand timeareyouwillingtospendonthisconflict?Isit worthresolving?(Wewillexplorethesequestions moreinthenextsection.) Consider,however,thepowerthatyourapproach has.Youhavetwobasicoptions:tomatchyour adversarysdemeanour,ortobeapositive influence.Bothwilllikelytakeasmuchenergy,but whichwillyieldgreaterresults? Herearesomewaystobuildpositiveenergy. Ifyousay,Iseewhereyourecomingfrom,makesureyoumeanit.Ifyoucantseewherethey arecomingfrom,askthemtotellyoumore.Often,sharinginformationcanbreakdowneven thetoughestpersonsdefences. Framethingspositively. Haveagoodattitude.Thepreparationstepswediscussedearliershouldhelpyouidentifythe positivethingsthatwillcomeoutofthisconflict.Trytofocusonthesethingsinsteadofthe negativeaspectsoftheconflict. Createactionableitems. Trytokeepemotionsoutofyourstatements.Statefeelingsandopinionsinasobjectivea manneraspossible.Labelyourthoughtsasthoughtsbystartingsentenceswith,Ithink Takeabreakwhenyouneedit.

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P a g e |28 Invitetheotherpersontostepintoyourshoes.Tellthemastory,outlineconsequences,and explainhowyoufeelinanobjectivemanner.Shareasmuchinformationasyoucan.

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StrengthenYourPartnership
Makingthetransitionfromopponentstoproblemsolving teammatesisoneofthemostpowerfulconflictresolution tools.Wehavealreadydiscussedwaystobuildcommon groundandhelpbridgethegapbetweenyouandtheperson youareinconflictwith,orthepartiesyouaremediating. Thesetoolsareagreatstart,buttherearesomeadditional thingsthatyoucandotomaintainandstrengthenthat partnership.TheTuckmanteamdevelopmentmodelto conflictresolutionisoneofthosethings,andisdetailed below. BruceWTuckmanisarespectededucationalpsychologistwhofirstdescribedthefourstagesofgroup developmentin1965.Lookingatthebehaviourofsmallgroupsinavarietyofenvironments,he recognisedthedistinctphasestheygothrough,andsuggestedtheyneedtoexperienceallfourstages beforetheyachievemaximumeffectiveness. Thismodelcanbeappliedtooneononehumaninteractions,too. STAGE FORMING EXPLANATION Teammembersarejustmeeting;unsure oftheirroleandthemselves. WHATYOUCANDOTOHELP Encourageteambuildingthroughnon conflictladentasksandactivities. Involvetheteamintaskplanningandgoal setting. STORMING Teammembersdiscoverdifferencesand buttheads;conflictcaninterferewith progress. Continuewiththeplan;evaluateandadjust asnecessary. Supporttheteamthroughconflictandhelp themresolveit.

NORMING

Teammembersstarttodiscover Keepthegroupfocusedonthegoal; similaritiestoo.Performancetypically encouragesocialactivitiesoutsideofteam improves,butsocialinteractionmayalso time. causeittodrop. Teammembersarenowcomfortable witheachotherandworktogetherwell. Continuetoofferresourcesandsupportto theteam.Monitorperformance,asteams canchangestagesatanytime(particularly whenmembersjoininordropout).

PERFORMING

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SectionSeven:AnalysingtotheRootCause
Inmedicine,it'seasytounderstandthedifferencebetweentreatingsymptomsandcuringamedical condition.Whenyou'reinpainbecauseyou'vebrokenyourleg,youwanttohaveyoursymptoms treatedimmediately.However,takingpainkillerswon'thealyourleg,andtruehealingisneededbefore thesymptomscandisappearforgood.Inthisexamplenumbingthepainmayencourageyoutowalkon yourbrokenlegcausingmoredamage,damagethatwillbeveryapparentwhenthepainkillers eventuallystopworking. Butwhenyouhaveaproblematwork,howdoyouapproachit?Doyoujumpinandstarttreatingthe symptoms?Ordoyoustoptoconsiderwhetherthere'sactuallyadeeperproblemthatneedsyour attention? Ifyouonlyfixthesymptomswhatyouseeonthesurfacetheproblemwillalmostcertainlyhappen again.Whichwillleadyoutofixit,again,andagain,andagain? If,instead,youlookdeepertofigureoutwhytheproblemisoccurring,youcanfixtheunderlying systemsandprocessesthatcausetheproblem. RootCauseAnalysis(RCA)isapopularandoftenusedtechniquethathelpspeopleanswerthequestion ofwhytheproblemoccurredinthefirstplace. Inthissection,wewilllearnhowtodelvebelowthecurrentconflicttotherootoftheproblem.This phaseisimportantforlongtermresolution,ratherthanabandaidsolution.

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ExaminingRootCauses
Itisimportantatthisstagetolookattherootcausesoftheconflict. Onewaytodothisisthroughsimplediscussionswiththeparties.Thisinvolvescontinuouslyaskingthe question,Why?togettotherootoftheproblem. Anexample: IwasreallyupsetwhenMarkdismissedmy ideaattheworkshop. Why<didthisupsetyou>? Ifeltthatmyideahadrealvalueandhedidnt listentowhatIhadtosay. Why<doyouthinkhedidntlistentowhat youhadtosay>? Hehasbeenwiththecompanyforalotlonger thanIhaveandIfeelthathedoesntrespect me.

Nowwehaveprogressedfromasingleisolatedincidenttotherootcauseoftheincidentitself(and probablymanymorepastandfutureincidents).Resolvingthisrootcausewillprovidegreatervalueand satisfactiontoallinvolved. Payingattentiontothewordingoftherootcauseisimportant,too. Watchoutforvagueverbs. Trytokeepemotionsoutoftheproblemstatements.

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CreatingaCauseandEffectDiagram
Anotherwayofexaminingrootcausesistocreateacauseandeffectdiagram(alsoknownasafishbone diagram)withthepersonthatyouareinconflictwith.Tostart,drawahorizontalarrowpointingtothe rightonalargesheetofpaper.Attheendofthearrow,writedowntheproblem.

Now,worktogethertolistpossiblecauses.Groupthesecauses.Drawalinepointingtothelargearrow foreachcauseandwritethecauseatthetop.

Now,writeeachcauseonalinepointingtothegrouparrow.(Stickynotesworkwellforthis.)

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P a g e |34 Nowthepeopleintheconflicthaveaclearmapofwhatishappening.

Althoughthistechniquecanbetimeconsuming,itisexcellentforcomplicatedconflictsorforteam conflictswheretheremaybemorethanonerootcause.Thedrawingshouldbeupdatedasnewcauses arediscovered.

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IdentifyingtheBenefitsofResolution
Effectiveconflictresolutiondigsdeepintotheissues,oftenexploringunfamiliaranduncomfortable territoryinordertoresolvethecoreconflict;itisonlythisthatwillpreventtheproblemfrom reoccurring. However,thisprocesscanbetimeconsumingandemotionallydifficult.Youandthepersonthatyouare inconflictwithmayarriveatapoint(orseveralpoints)intheconflictresolutionprocesswhereyou wonder,Isthisreallyworthit? Whenyouarriveatthesestalemates,takealookatwhyyou areresolvingtheconflict.Itcanalsobehelpfultoexplorewhat willhappeniftheconflictisnotresolved. Whatrelationshipswilldeteriorateorbreakup? Whatisthefinancialcosttothecompanyoryourself? Whatwillbetheemotionalcost? Whoelsewillbeaffected?

Questionsliketheseshouldhelpyouputthingsinto perspectiveandevaluatewhetherornottheconflictisworth resolving.Inmostsituations,resolvingthetrueconflictiswell worththeeffortinthelongterm.Visualisingthebenefitscan providethemotivationtoworkthroughtherestoftheprocess. Forcomplexconflicts,therearesomeadditionalwaystostaymotivated.Itsacceptabletobreakthe resolutionsessionsintoparts,withadifferentgoalforeachsession.Itsalsoacceptabletotakebreaks asneededashortwalkinthefreshairoradrinkofwaterorcoffeecandowonderstorefreshthe mindandbody.

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SectionEight:CreateOptions
Thecreationofoptionsisanessentialstepintheprocessofresolvinganyconflict,includingseemingly stubbornsituations.Inaconflictresolutionscenario,onceallpartiestotheconflicthaveidentifiedthe issuesundercontention,theyshouldsystematicallylistALLoptionsthattheyseeavailabletothemfor advancingtheirinterests.Thepartiesshouldincludeoptionstheywouldnotnormallychoose,asthese couldturnouttobecompatiblewiththoseofanopposingparty. Thisstageisallaboutquantity,notquality;youwantasmanyoptionstochoosefromaspossible.

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Generate,DontEvaluate
Itstimetobegingeneratingideasforresolvingthe symptomsoftheconflict.Focusontotherootcauseand expandyourlistofideas. Dontbeafraidtoofferanyideas,eveniftheysound silly.Remember,thisstageisaboutidentifyingwhatyou cando,notwhatyouwilldo. Itisveryimportantnottocensoryourselfortheperson thatyouareinconflictwith,orifyouaremediating allowbothpartiestospeakfreely.Recordallthe possibleideasorperhapsuseabrainstormingdiagram. Ifyouhavecreatedacauseandeffectdiagram,youcan recordtheideasforresolutionrightonthediagram.(Onceagain,stickynotesareidealforthisinitial, ideageneratingphase.) Atthisstage,allyourworktobuildcommongroundandpositiverelationshipswillreallystarttopayoff. Asyouandthepersonyouareinconflictwithstarttogenerateoptions,thepositiveenergywillbuild, increasingyourcreativeoutputexponentially. Ifyouarehavingtroublethinkingofsolutions,usethesequestionstojumpstartyourcreativity. Howdowenotwantthisconflicttoberesolved? Howmightothersresolvethisconflict? Inanidealworld,howwouldthisconflictberesolved?

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CreatingMutualGainOptionsandMultipleOptionSolutions
Onceyouhaveagoodlistofoptions,reviewthelistandperformsomebasicevaluation. Highlightoptionsthatprovidegainsforbothparties. Lookforoptionsthatcanbecombinedforanoptimal solution. Crossoffoptionsthatareanabsolutenogoforeither party. Makeoptionsmoredetailedwhereappropriate. Continuebrainstormingandgeneratingideas.

Whatifyourentirelistofoptionsgetscrossedoff?Thenits backtothedrawingboard!Ifyouarehavingtroublecoming upwithideas,considertakingaquickbreak,movingthe brainstormingmeetingelsewhere,and/orinvolvingoutside parties.

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DiggingDeeperintoYourOptions
Oncethelisthasbeennarroweddownitstimetodelvedeeperintoeachoption.Identify: Theeffortforeachoption(perhapsonascaleofonetoten) Thepaybackforeachoption(alsoonascaleof onetoten) Yourestimationastoitslikelihoodofsuccess Otheroptionsthatcouldbeusedtocomplementit Eachpartyspreferenceforit(expressedas yes/no,orapercentageinfavour)

Atthispoint,wearestillgatheringinformationand exploringoptions,sotrytomakethelistaslongas possible.Forsimpleconflicts,threetofiveoptionsis usuallysufficient.Formorecomplexissues,fivetoeight optionsmaybenecessary.Iftheteaminvolvesmorethan twopeople,youwilllikelyneedeighttotwelveoptions.

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SectionNine:SolutionBuilding
Nowwehavealistofallthepossiblesolutions,itstimetomoveontochoosingaoneandlayingthe groundworkforaresolution.Thissectionwillexplorehowtocreatecriteriaandhowtousethose criteriatocreateashortlistofoptions,andthentomoveontoasolution.

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CreatingCriteria
Forthemoment,setasideyourlistofoptions.Itstimetocreateaframeworktoevaluatethoseoptions. Trynottothinkaboutthedifferentoptionsasyoucreatethecriteria.Focusinsteadonthewantsand needsofbothparties. Criteriashouldbasicallyexplorewhatyouwantanddonotwantfromthesolution.Youcanalso prioritiseyourcriteriabywhatisnecessarytohaveandwhatyouwouldliketohave(alsoknownas needsandwants).Identifyanyitemsyouwouldbewillingtocompromiseon. CRITERIA Thebestapproachisforeachpartytotakeafewmomentstowritedowntheirindividualcriteria,and thencometogetherandcombinetheliststocreateafinalsetofcriteria.Althoughitisimportantto worktogetheronthislist,itisalsoimportantthatthewantsandneedsofbothpartiesarerespected. Youmayask,whycreatecriteriaaftercreatingoptions?Wouldntitmakemoresensetocreatealistof criteriaandthengeneratealistofoptions? Logically,thisapproachdoesmakemoresense.However,itcanbedifficulttocomeupwithcreative optionswhenyoualreadyhaveaframeworkinmind.Therefore,werecommendbrainstormingfirst, andthencreatingcriteriasecond. WANT? NEED? SHAREDWITHOPPONENT? COMPROMISEON?

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CreatingaShortlist
Oncethecriteriahavebeencreated,bringoutthelistof solutions.Eliminateanysolutionsthatdonotmatchthemust havecriteriathatyouandyourpartneridentified.Attheend ofthisprocess,youshouldhaveasmall,manageablelistof potentialsolutions. Ifyoufindthattherearenosolutionsleftafterfollowingthis processtherearetwooptionsopentoyou. 1. Reevaluateyourcriteriaandreevaluatethe solutions,toensuretherereallyarenooptionsleft. 2. Gobacktothedrawingboardandworkonadditionalsolutionideas.

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ChoosingaSolution
Now,chooseafinalsolution.Remember,you canoftencombinemultipleoptionsforeven greatersuccess! Hereisachecklisttoevaluatethechosen solution. Isitawinwinsolutionforeveryone involved? Areallneedsprovidedfor? Areallcriteriamet?

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BuildingaPlan
Thegreatestsolutionintheworldisworthlessunlessit issuccessfullyimplemented.Tomakesurethis happenssuccessfullyitisimportanttohaveaplan.The complexityofthisplanshouldvarywiththecomplexity ofthesituation.Forsimpleconflicts,youmayframean agreementlikethis:MarieandIwilltaketurnsmaking thetea,andwewillmakesurethatweleteachother knowwhenthishappens. Formorecomplexsituations,suchasthoseinvolving groupsofpeopleormultipleoptionsolutions,a detailedactionplanmaybeappropriate.Itisimportant thateachpartytakeresponsibilityforimplementing thesolution,evenifitisdeterminedthatonepartyis atfault. Forexample,letssaythattheconflictresolution processhasdeterminedthatcommunicationissues betweenBenandMarkarecausingmostoftheconflict regardingovertimeassignment.AlthoughBenandMarkaregoingtoworkonthisproblembyimproving communicationandkeepingfairnessinmind,theremainderoftheteamwillberesponsiblefor supportingBenandMarkandfollowinguptomakesurenofurtherissuesarise. Forevenlargerimplementationslikecorporateprocesschangesinvolvingmanydepartmentsand teams,itisimportanttofollowstrictProjectManagementmethodologylikePRINCE2orPMBOK.In somecasesyoumaylooktoengageaProjectManagertoimplementthesolution. Theactionplanshouldalsoincludealistofthingstodoiftheconflictisnotactuallyresolvedafter implementingthesolution.Typically,thepartieswillreevaluatethecauseandeffectdiagramtoensure theiranalysisoftherootcausewasaccurate.Theymayalsowanttoexaminetheircriteriaandexplore othersolutions.

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SectionTen:AdditionalTools
Towrapupthisworkshop,wewouldliketosharesomeadditionaltoolsthatcanhelpyouresolve conflicts.

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StressManagementTechniques
Adefinitionofstressisphysical,mental,oremotionalstrainortension.Youknowwhenyouareunder stress.Nothingisworthmorethanyourhealth.Keepingyourmindandbodyfreefromstressrequires aconscienceeffortonyourpart. Herearesomesuggestionstokeepingahealthieryou: Getplentyofexercise.Ifyoudonotexercise,parkyourcarfarthestfromthebuildingand walkbriskly,takethestairsasmuchaspossibleandwalkatafasterthannormalpace aroundtheoffice. Getplentyofrestandsleep. Learntocompartmentaliseyourworkand homelife.Leavehomeissuesathomeand workissuesatwork. Remainpositive Stretchatleasttwiceaday.Takeyour handsandplacethemonyourhipsandlean backslightlyuntilyoufeelyourbackstretch. Takeyourrightarmandcrossitinfrontof you,thentakeyourotherarmandgently pushontheelbowofyourrightarm.Repeat thisforyourleftarm.Getonyourtiptoesthenrockbackonyourheels.Repeatseveral times. Maintainyourworkschedule. Leaveearlytoworkandavoidtrafficifpossible Makesureyouspendtimeathomewithyourfamily,meetingtheirneedstoo. Laughwheneverpossible. Helpothers

Keepgoodrelationshipswithyourcollegesandmanagerandyouwillexperiencelessstress.

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AngerManagementTechniques
Dealingwithconflictcanbehardonthemindandthebody.Beingwellequippedwithsomeanger managementtechniquescanhelpyoustaycalmduringtheconflictresolutionprocess.Nothingisgoing togetsolvedwheneither(orboth)partiesareangryandupset. Herearesometipstohelpkeepyoucoolduringtheconflictresolutionprocess. Deepbreathinghasbeneficialmentalandphysical effects. Copingthoughtscanhelpyoustaycalm,too.Some examples:Ifeellikeheisjusttryingtopushmy buttons.Imstrongerthanthat!or,Imnotgoingto letmyselfgetupsetthatwontsolveanything.Instead, Iamgoingtofocusongettingthisconflictsolved. Makesuretotakebreaksasneeded.Ifthepersonyou areinconflictwithbecomesemotionalorstressed, encouragethemtotakebreaksaswell. Aftertheconflictisover,talkaboutitwithsomeone appropriate.

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TheAgreementFrame
TheAgreementFramecanbeusedinanysituationtoexplainyourviewpointinanassertive,non confrontationalway,withoutwateringyourpositiondown.Itisdesignedtoencouragediscussionand informationsharingbetweenallparties.Althoughitcanbeusedinmanysituations,itisparticularly effectiveinconflictresolution. TheAgreementFrametakesoneofthreeforms: Iappreciate,and Irespect,and Iagree,and

HereisanexampleoftheAgreementFrameinuse. PERSONA Thebestwaytoresolvethisconflictisforyouto resignyourpositionimmediately. Whatoptionswereyouconsidering? PERSONB Irespectyouropinion,andIthinkthattheremight besomeotherviableoptions. IthinkthatifIissuedanapologytotheteamfor themisunderstandingthatwewouldbeonour waytoresolvingtheconflict. Iagreethatitmightnotbeastrongenough statementandImayneedtohaveteammeetings toaddresstheunderlyingissues.

Ithinkthatoptionistoolowkeyforthissituation.

Remember,thewordsbutandhoweverareconversationstoppers.Trytoavoidusingthemwiththe agreementframe.

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AskingOpenQuestions
Whenpossible,usethefiveWsortheHtoaska question. Who? What? Where? When? Why? How?

Thesequestionsencouragediscussion,selfevaluation,andopenconversation.Someusefulquestions forconflictresolutioninclude: Whathappened? Whydoyoufeelthatway? Whendidthisproblemstart? Howdoesthatmakeyoufeel? Whoelseisinvolved?

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SectionEleven:WrappingUp
Althoughthisworkshopiscomingtoaclose,wehopethatyourjourneytoimproveyourconflict resolutionskillsisjustbeginning.Pleasetakeamomenttoreviewandupdateyouractionplan.Thiswill beakeytooltoguideyourprogressinthedays,weeks,months,andyearstocome.Wewishyouthe bestofluckontherestofyourtravels!

WordsfromtheWise
WILLIAMELLERYCHANNING:Difficultiesaremeanttorouse,notdiscourage.Thehumanspiritisto growstrongbyconflict. M.ESTHERHARDING:Conflictisthebeginningofconsciousness. CARLW.BUECHNER:Theymayforgetwhatyousaid,buttheywillneverforgethowyoumade themfeel.

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EffectiveConflict Resolution

SectionOne:GettingStarted
This course will demonstrate the six-step process to resolve conflicts of any size. You will also learn crucial conflict resolution skills, including dealing with anger and using the Agreement Frame.

PreAssignmentReview
Conflictisalwaysnegative. Conflictisalwaysviolent. Conflictisinevitable. Conflict is inevitable Anyonecanexperienceconflict.

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WorkshopObjectives
Bytheendofthisworkshop,participantswillbeableto:
Understandwhatconflictandeffectiveconflictresolutionmeans. Understandallsixphasesoftheconflictresolutionprocess. Understandthefivemainstylesofconflictresolution. Beabletoadapttheprocessforalltypesofconflicts. Beabletobreakoutpartsoftheprocessandusethosetoolstoprevent conflict. Beabletousebasiccommunicationtools,suchastheagreementframe andopenquestions. Beabletousebasicangerandstressmanagementtechniques.

SectionTwo:Introductionto ConflictResolution
Peopleoftenassumethatconflictis alwaysnegative.Thisisnottrue! Peopleareinherentlydifferent,and conflictsimplyhappenswhenthose conflict simply happens when those differencescometolight. Withaconflictresolutionprocess, peoplecanexploreandunderstand thosedifferences,andusethemto interactinamorepositive,productive way.

Conflict,WhatIsIt?
Letsstartbyfirstlydefiningthetrue definitionofthewordConflict. to come into collision or disagreement; be contradictory, at variance, or in opposition; clash.

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Conflict,WhatIsIt?
Conflictcanalsobehealthy. Twocompaniesvieforthetop marketshareofaparticularproduct Severalsalesteamsworktogetfirst place Sixhockeyteamsworktowards winningachampionship

WhatisEffectiveConflict Resolution?
Thetermeffectiveconflictresolutionsimplymeanshowyou solveconflictsinawaythatsatisfiesbothparties. Commonconflictresolutiontermsinclude: Mediation M di Mediator Dispute ApparentConflict HiddenConflict DestructiveConflict ConstructiveConflict

UnderstandingtheEffective ConflictResolutionProcess

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SectionThree:EffectiveConflict ResolutionStyles
Therearefivewidelyacceptedstylesof resolvingconflicts. Thesewereoriginallydevelopedby KennethThomasandRalphKilmannin the1970s. Understandingallfivestylesand knowingwhentousethemisan importantpartofsuccessfulconflict resolution.

Collaborating
Thisstyleisappropriatewhen: Thesituationisnoturgent Animportantdecisionneedstobemade Theconflictinvolvesalargenumberof people,orpeopleacrossdifferentteams Previousconflictresolutionattemptshave fl l h failed Thisstyleisnotappropriatewhen: Adecisionneedstobemadeurgently Thematteristrivialtoallinvolved

Competing
Thisstyleisappropriatewhen: Adecisionneedstobemadequickly(i.e.,emergencies) Anunpopulardecisionneedstobemade Someoneistryingtotakeadvantageofasituation Thisstyleisnotappropriatewhen: Peoplearefeelingsensitiveabouttheconflict Thesituationisnoturgent

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Compromising
Thisstyleisappropriatewhen: Adecisionneedstobemadesoonerrather thanlater. Resolvingtheconflictismoreimportantthan havingeachindividualwin. Powerbetweenpeopleintheconflictisequal. Thisstyleisnotappropriatewhen: Awidevarietyofimportantneedsmustbe met. Thesituationisextremelyurgent. Onepersonholdsmorepowerthananother.

Accommodating
Thisstyleisappropriatewhen: Maintainingtherelationshipismoreimportant thanwinning. Theissueathandisveryimportanttothe otherpersonbutisnotimportanttoyou. Thisstyleisnotappropriatewhen: Theissueisimportanttoyou. Accommodatingwillnotpermanentlysolvethe problem.

Avoiding
Thisstyleisappropriatewhen: Theissueistrivial. Theconflictwillresolveitselfsoon. Thisstyleisnotappropriatewhen: This style is not appropriate when: Theissueisimportanttoyou. Theconflictwillcontinueorget worsewithoutattention.

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SectionFour:Creatingan CommunicativeAtmosphere
Creating a communicative atmosphere is a very important step in the effective conflict resolution process. The people involved in the conflict will typically be negative. With emotions like anger, frustration, and disappointment being y y only a few roadblocks you will have to contend with.

DefuseEmotions
Keystepsforthepeopleinconflictinclude: Acceptthatyouhavenegativefeelingsandthatthese feelingsarenormal. Acknowledgethefeelingsandtheirrootcauses.Example: y gy IfeelveryangrythatMarieneverofferstomakethetea. Identifyhowyoumightresolveyourfeelings.Example:If Mariewouldoffertomaketheteaoccasionallyinstead waitingformetomakeit.

SettingGroundRules
Groundrulesprovideaframeworktoresolveaconflict. Groundrulesshouldbesetatthebeginningofanyconflict resolutionprocess.Theycanbeverybrieforverydetailed whateverthesituationrequires. Groundrulesshouldbe: Developedandagreeduponbybothparties Positivewhenpossible Fairtobothparties Enforceable Adjustable Writtenandposted

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ChoosingtheTimeandPlace
Whenpossible,chooseaquietplacetodiscuss theconflict. Makesurethatthereislotsoftimeallowed. Minimizedistractionsifpossible. If Ifyouaremediatingaconflictresolution di i fli l i meeting,beconsciousoftheneedsofboth partieswhenschedulingthemeeting,and followthetipslistedabove.

SectionFive:MutualUnderstanding
This model of win-win situations and mutual gain is our preferred outcome for any conflict. In this module, we will explore how creating mutual understanding can lay the groundwork for a winwin solution.

WhatDoIWant?
Tobegin,identifywhatyoupersonallywant outoftheconflict.Trytostatethispositively. Youcancreatetwoversionsofyourpersonal needsstatement:youridealresolutionand yourrealisticresolution. your realistic resolution Or,youcouldframeyourstatementinto severalstepsiftheconflictiscomplicated.

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WhatDoTheyWant?
Theseframingquestionswillhelpyoustarttheprocess. Whatdoesmyopponentneed? Whatdoesmyopponentwant? Whatismostimportanttothem? Whatisleastimportanttothem?

WhatDoWeWant?
SAM JANE Tohaveatleasttwolinemanager shiftsperweek. Toleaveby5p.m.onFridays. Nottohavemorethanthreeline Not to have more than three line managershiftsperweekasitwill requirehimtopayextrataxes. Toensurethatthelinemanager positioniscoveredbysomeone fromMondaytoFriday,8:30a.m. to5:30p.m.

WANTS

Tohaveatleasttwolinemanager shiftsperweek,astheextra moneyisuseful. Toleaveby5p.m.onMondaysand To leave by 5 p m on Mondays and Wednesdaystopickuphis children. Toensurethatthelinemanager positioniscoveredbysomeone fromMondaytoFriday,8:30a.m. to5:30p.m.

NEEDS

SectionSix:FocusingonIndividual andSharedNeeds
Thismodulewilllookatsome techniquesforbuildingcommon ground,andhowtousecommon groundtocreateapartnership.

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IdentifyCommonGround
Fromanemotionalperspectivefindingcommonground betweenyouandtheotherparty,oryouandthedisputing parties(ifyouareactingasamediator)willenablethetwo partiestoseeeachotheraspeopleagain,ratherthanthe enemy. p Someexamples: Ithinkthecompanyneedsamoreunifiedsalesteam, too. Iwouldreallylikeustowinfirstplacethisyear,too. Iagreethatwecangetthisconflictresolvedandbuilda betterwidget. Iwouldliketotakemyfamilyonaspecialholidaythis year,too.

BuildPositiveEnergyand Goodwill
Haveagoodattitude.Framethingspositively. Createactionableitems. Trytokeepemotionsoutofyourstatements. Takeabreakwhenyouneedit. Ifyousay, Iseewhereyou recomingfrom, make sure you If you say I see where youre coming from makesureyou meanit.Ifyoucantseewheretheyarecomingfrom,ask themtotellyoumore. Invitetheotherpersontostepintoyourshoes.Tellthema story,outlineconsequences,andexplainhowyoufeelinan objectivemanner. Shareasmuchinformationasyoucan.

StrengthenYourPartnership
STAGE FORMING EXPLANATION Teammembersarejustmeeting; unsureoftheirroleandthemselves. WHAT YOU CAN DO TO HELP Encourageteambuildingthroughnon conflictladentasksandactivities. Involvetheteamintaskplanningandgoal setting. Continuewiththeplan;evaluateand adjustasnecessary. Supporttheteamthroughconflictand helpthemresolveit. Keepthegroupfocusedonthegoal; encouragesocialactivitiesoutsideofteam time. Continuetoofferresourcesandsupport totheteam.Monitorperformance,as teamscanchangestagesatanytime (particularlywhenmembersjoininor dropout).

STORMING

Teammembersdiscoverdifferences andbuttheads;conflictcaninterfere withprogress. Teammembersstarttodiscover similaritiestoo.Performancetypically improves,butsocialinteractionmay alsocauseittodrop. Teammembersarenowcomfortable witheachotherandworktogether well.

NORMING

PERFORMING

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SectionSeven:Analysingtothe RootCause
Inthismodule,wewilllearnhowtodelvebelowthe currentconflicttotherootoftheproblem.Thisphaseis importantforlongtermresolution,ratherthanaband aidsolution.

ExaminingRootCauses
Itisimportantatthisstagetolookattheroot causesoftheconflict. Onewaytodothisisthroughsimple One way to do this is through simple discussionswiththeparties.Thisinvolves continuouslyaskingthequestion,Why?to gettotherootoftheproblem.

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CreatingaCauseandEffect Diagram
1. Tostart,drawahorizontalarrowpointingtotherightona largesheetofpaper.Attheendofthearrow,writedownthe problem.

CreatingaCauseandEffect Diagram
2. Now,worktogethertolistpossiblecauses.Groupthese causes.Drawalinepointingtothelargearrowforeach causeandwritethecauseatthetop.

CreatingaCauseandEffect Diagram
3. Now,writeeachcauseonalinepointingtothegrouparrow. (Stickynotesworkwellforthis.)

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CreatingaCauseandEffect Diagram
4. Nowthepeopleintheconflicthaveaclearmapofwhatis happening.

IdentifyingtheBenefitsof Resolution
Effectiveconflictresolutiondigsdeepintothe issuestoresolvethecoreconflictandprevent theproblemfromreoccurring. Ho e er this can be time cons ming and However,thiscanbetimeconsumingand emotionallydifficult. Youandthepersonthatyouareinconflict withmayarriveatapointwhereyouwonder, Isthisreallyworthit?

SectionEight:CreateOptions
Thisstageisallaboutquantity,notquality;youwantasmany optionstochoosefromaspossible.

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Generate,DontEvaluate
Tobegin,generateideasforresolvingthesymptomsofthe conflict.Then,moveontotherootcauseandexpandyourlist ofideas. Dontbeafraidtothrowoutwackyideasortoask,Whatif? Remember,thisstageisaboutidentifyingwhatyoucando, Remember this stage is about identifying what you can do notwhatyouwilldo. Itisveryimportantnottocensoryourselforthepersonthat youareinconflictwith. Recordallpossibleideasintoalistorbrainstormingdiagram. Ifyouhavecreatedacauseandeffectdiagram,youcan recordideasforresolutionrightonthediagram.

AnalyzingWantsandNeeds
Wantsandneedsseemlikeafundamentalaspectofdefining theproblem.Inordertoanalyzethepotentialsolutions,the wantsandneedsforthedesiredstateaftertheproblemis solvedmustbeveryclear. Needsareitemsthepotentialsolutionabsolutelymust meet. Wantsarenicetohaveitems.

CreatingMutualGainOptionsand MultipleOptionSolutions
Onceyouhaveagoodlistofoptions,reviewthelistand performsomebasicevaluation. Highlightoptionsthatprovidegainsforbothparties. Lookforoptionsthatcanbecombinedforanoptimal solution. l ti Crossoffoptionsthatareanabsolutenogoforeither party. Makeoptionsmoredetailedwhereappropriate. Continuebrainstormingandgeneratingideas

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DiggingDeeperintoYourOptions
Oncethelisthasbeennarroweddownitstimeto delvedeeperintoeachoption.Identify: Theeffortforeachoption(perhapsonascaleof onetoten) Thepaybackforeachoption(alsoonascaleof onetoten) Yourestimationastoitslikelihoodofsuccess Otheroptionsthatcouldbeusedtocomplementit Eachpartyspreferenceforit(expressedasyes/no, orapercentageinfavour)

SectionNine:SolutionBuilding
Nowwehavealistofallthepossible solutions,itstimetomoveonto choosingaoneandlayingthe groundworkforaresolution.This modulewillexplorehowtocreate criteriaandhowtousethosecriteriato it i dh t th it i t createashortlistofoptions,andthento moveontoasolution.

CreatingCriteria
Trynottothinkaboutthedifferentoptionsasyoucreatethe criteria.Focusinsteadonthewantsandneedsofbothparties. Criteriashouldexplorewhatyouwantanddonotwantfrom thesolution. Youcanalsoprioritizeyourcriteriabywhatisnecessaryto haveandwhatyouwouldliketohave(alsoknownasneeds andwants).Identifyanyitemsyouwouldbewillingto compromiseon.
CRITERIA WANT? NEED? SHARED WITH OPPONENT? COMPROMISE ON?

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CreatingaShortlist
Oncethecriteriahavebeencreated, bringoutthelistofsolutions. Eliminateanysolutionsthatdonot matchthemusthavecriteriathatyou andyourpartneridentified. and your partner identified Attheendofthisprocess,youshould haveasmall,manageablelistof potentialsolutions.

ChoosingaSolution
Now,chooseafinalsolution.Remember,youcanoftencombine multipleoptionsforevengreatersuccess! Hereisachecklisttoevaluatethechosensolution. Isitawinwinsolutionforeveryoneinvolved? A Areallneedsprovidedfor? ll d id d f ? Areallcriteriamet?

BuildingaPlan
Now,letscreateaplantoputthesolutioninaction.The complexityofthisplanshouldvarywiththecomplexityofthe situation. Formorecomplexsituations,suchasthoseinvolvingagroup ofpeopleormultipleoptionsolutions,adetailedactionplan of people or multiple option solutions a detailed action plan maybeappropriate. Itisimportantthateachpartytakeresponsibilityfor implementingthesolution,evenifitisdeterminedthatone partyisatfault. Theactionplanshouldalsoincludealistofthingstodoifthe conflictisnotresolvedafterimplementingthesolution.

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SectionTen:AdditionalTools
Towrapupthisworkshop,we wouldliketosharesomeadditional toolsthatcanhelpyouresolve conflicts.

Stress&AngerManagement Techniques
Deepbreathinghasbeneficialmentalandphysicaleffects. Copingthoughtscanhelpyoustaycalm,too. Makesuretotakebreaksasneeded.Ifthepersonyouarein conflictwithbecomesemotionalorstressed,encouragethem totakebreaksaswell. to take breaks as well. Aftertheconflictisover,talkaboutitwithsomeone appropriate.

TheAgreementFrame
TheAgreementFrametakesoneofthreeforms: Iappreciate,and Irespect,and Iagree,and Remember,thewordsbutandhoweverareconversation stoppers.Trytoavoidusingthemwiththeagreementframe.
PERSON A Thebestwaytoresolvethisconflictisforyouto resignyourpositionimmediately. Whatoptionswereyouconsidering? PERSON B Irespectyouropinion,andIthinkthattheremightbe someotherviableoptions. IthinkthatifIissuedanapologytotheteamforthe misunderstandingthatwewouldbeonourwayto resolvingtheconflict. Iagreethatitmightnotbeastrongenough statement,andImayneedtohaveteammeetingsto addresstheunderlyingissues.

Ithinkthatoptionistoolowkeyforthissituation.

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AskingOpenQuestions
Whenpossible,usethefiveWsortheHtoaskaquestion. Who? What? Where? When? Why? How?

AskingOpenQuestions
Someusefulquestionsforconflictresolutioninclude: Whathappened? Whydoyoufeelthatway? Wh did thi Whendidthisproblemstart? bl t t? Howdoesthatmakeyoufeel? Whoelseisinvolved?

SectionEleven:WrappingUp
WordsfromtheWise WILLIAM ELLERY CHANNING:Difficultiesaremeanttorouse, notdiscourage.Thehumanspiritistogrowstrongby conflict. M.ESTHER HARDING:Conflictisthebeginningof consciousness. i CARL W.BUECHNER:Theymayforgetwhatyousaid,butthey willneverforgethowyoumadethemfeel.

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