"Chimp Chomp Chumps" Script
"Chimp Chomp Chumps" Script
"Chimp Chomp Chumps" Script
Record Draft
FB 113
“PG Movie”
by Eric Horsted
6/09/08
DISTRIBUTION:
Michael Caine, Megan Casey, Shaun Cashman, Audrey Diehl, Kelley Gardner, Brandon Hoang, Dean
Hoff, Eric Homan, Eric Horsted, Kevin Kolde, Scott Kreamer, Jason Meier, MacGregor Middleton,
Roland Poindexter, Ilana Resnik, Eric Robles, Jim Schumann, Fred Seibert, Brian Sheesley, Steve
Tompkins, Therese Trujillo, Blanca Uribe
___________________________________________________________________________________________
Copyright 2008, MTV Networks, a division of Viacom Inc. All Rights Reserved.
This script is the property of MTV Networks and may not be copied or distributed without the express written permission of
MTV Networks. This copy of the script remains the property of MTV Networks. It may not be sold or transferred and it must
be returned to MTV Networks promptly upon demand. THE WRITING CREDITS MAY NOT BE FINAL AND SHOULD NOT BE USED
FOR PUBLICATION OR ADVERTISING PURPOSES WITHOUT FIRST CHECKING WITH THE MTV NETWORKS' BUSINESS AND LEGAL
AFFAIRS DEPARTMENT.
Fanboy and Chum Chum
“PG Movie”
FB113
Cast List
1 FANBOY
I can’t believe our town was picked
for the world premiere of “Chimp
Chomp: The Movie.” And tickets go
on sale in only ten hours, five
minutes, and twenty seconds!
2 CHUM CHUM
Hm, I have ten hours, five minutes,
and twenty-four seconds.
4 FANBOY
If the movie’s anywhere near as fun
as this line, I don’t think I can
take it!
(swooning)
Oh, I’m feeling faint. Quick, I
need a Chimp Chomp product tie-in.
5 CHUM CHUM
We’ve got Cherry Chewy Chimps,
Monkey Bites, and Ape Drapes.
6 FANBOY
Cherry Chewy Chimp, and I’ll wash
it down with Vanilla Gorilla.
ANGLE ON THE BACK OF THE LINE: MR. MUFFLIN steps into line
pushing a GROCERY CART.
FB 113 "PG Movie" Record Draft - 6/09/08 2.
7 MR. MUFFLIN
I sincerely doubt everyone here has
ten items or less... Whoa!
8 BOOG
Bop! Bop! 200 points! Bop! Bop!
400 points. There ain’t no
stoppin’ this chimp when he’s
boppin!
9 CHUM CHUM
Mmm, I love these. Their brains
squirt real fruit juice when you
bite ‘em.
The boy are poised to take a bite when... Boog leans in from
SCREEN LEFT and <GOBBLES> up Chum Chum’s Cherry Chewy Chimp.
10 BOOG
Your chimp’s been chomped!
(bites Fanboy’s)
Ooh, double chomp! Bonus points!
12 FANBOY
(weak enthusiasm)
Oh, look who’s here. It’s Boog.
What brings you out this fine
evening?
13 BOOG
Are you kidding me? Chimp Chomp’s
my life.
14 CHUM CHUM
I thought delivering knuckle
sandwiches was your life.
15 BOOG
That’s more of a hobby. But I’m
thinking of going pro!
16 FANBOY
Well, don’t let us keep you. I’m
sure you have places to go, people
to shove.
17 BOOG
Well, I was gonna cut my way to the
front, but then I figured, why go
looking for fresh underwear when
the wedgies are ripe right here?
18 BOOG (CONT’D)
Don’t struggle, it only makes it
tighter.
19 FANBOY
Are you sure you wanna stay? I saw
a nice pale kid up front. It looks
like he’d bruise easily.
20 BOOG
Nah, I think I’ll hang here. And
hang you here. <dumb Boog laugh>
Boog hangs them off of nearby exposed NAILS in the wall.
21 CHUM CHUM
Only ten hours, four minutes, and
twenty seconds left!
22 FANBOY
(weakly)
I’m sure it’ll fly by.
23 BOOG
...Yeah, I auditioned for the role
of Chimp Chomp. But the costume
wouldn’t fit around my buffed-out
biceps.
He flexes his arms, lifting the boys off the ground and
causing their bodies to spin around like propellers. Boog
rises in the air for a beat.
FB 113 "PG Movie" Record Draft - 6/09/08 4.
24 BOOG (CONT’D)
Hoo! I totally got mad air!
DISSOLVE TO:
25 BOOG
...I don’t mean to brag, but I’ve
been approached by some sponsors to
play Chimp Chomp professionally.
Boog grabs Chum Chum and molds him into a “golf ball” and
places him on top of Fanboy’s head. He grabs his inflatable
mallet.
26 BOOG (CONT’D)
But I don’t know if I want to give
up my amateur status. You know, in
case Chimp Chomp becomes an Olympic
sport.
Chum Chum lands right into an open MANHOLE. In the DEEP BG,
tiny Boog pumps his fist.
27 BOOG (CONT’D)
Alright! Hole in one!
28 BOOG
(wetting finger)
...So therefore...
Boog pulls out his wet finger and inserts it in Fanboy’s ear.
29 BOOG (CONT’D)
...the soul is really just one
small part of a greater cosmic
energy.
FB 113 "PG Movie" Record Draft - 6/09/08 5.
30 BOOG (CONT’D)
And that energy flows through each
one of us, uniting us with a common
humanity...
31 FANBOY
(noticing clock, excited)
Hey, the big banana’s at zero!
Tickets are on sale!
The boys slide themselves off his finger like meat cubes off
a shish kebab and RUSH to the TICKET WINDOW. LENNY is in the
booth. He’s dressed as a GIANT BANANA.
32 LENNY
Welcome to Galaxy Hills Theater.
How can I serve you today?
33 FANBOY
Well, Leonard, you can start by
following the official Chimp Chomp
The Movie Premiere script.
34 LENNY
<exasperated groan, then>
35 LENNY (CONT’D)
Ya’ll ready to Chimp?
Chimp-cha-chimp-cha-chimp-Chimp-
Chomp. Hey!
Chimp-cha-chimp-cha-chimp-Chimp-
Chomp. Ho!
Chimp-cha-chimp-cha-chimp-Chimp-
Chomp. Yay!
Chimp Chomp!
(back to normal)
Aw, now my peel’s all sweaty.
36 FANBOY
Well, chimpin’ ain’t easy. Now,
two for tonight’s screening,
please.
FB 113 "PG Movie" Record Draft - 6/09/08 6.
37 CHUM CHUM
Don’t forget. We need to get one
for Oz.
38 FANBOY
Oh, that’s right. Three tickets,
please.
39 LENNY
(handing tickets)
Thank you.
40 CHUM CHUM
<gasp> Our tickets.
41 FANBOY
Let’s see how they glisten in the
sun!
42 BOOG
(calling to boys)
Don’t run too far, you two. I want
to flatten you into pancakes, and
then go get some waffles.
(to Lenny)
Yo loser, gimme--
43 LENNY
Sorry, sold out. No more tickets.
44 BOOG
What? No more tickets?? Where’d
they all go?
45 MR. MUFFLIN
(muttering to self)
Boy these coupons cost an arm and a
leg. But I’m sure they’ll save me
money in the long run.
46 BOOG
(pleading)
But-- but-- but I gotta see the
Chimp Chomp movie! Chimp Chomp is
my whole life. I played it every
single day, on accounta I grew up
in a plastic bubble. Can’t you
give me a ticket pleeeease?!
47 LENNY
Sorry. They bought the last three.
48 FANBOY
Look at how the sun glints off the
perforation.
49 OZ
Hey little dudes.
50 FANBOY
Perfect timing, Oz. We got your
ticket!
51 OZ
Ooh. I have some seriously bad
news. I forgot I promised to take
my mom to the Westminster Goat
Show.
52 OZ’S MOTHER
Let’s go, Ozvald. We want to get
there early so Mitzi can mingle.
53 OZ
<sigh> Coming mother.
54 CHUM CHUM
(calling after)
But Oz, what do we do with your
ticket?
FB 113 "PG Movie" Record Draft - 6/09/08 8.
55 BOOG
Hey fellas, nice to see ya. Chum
Chum you’re looking well. Look
boys, here’s the thing. I need you
two twerps to sell me your extra
ticket.
56 FANBOY
You didn’t get a ticket?
57 BOOG
I know. It’s crazy, right? So
whaddya say I just take your --
58 FANBOY
Chum Chum, quick -- load it and
lock it!
Chum Chum quickly stuffs the ticket down the front of his
underwear and spins a COMBINATION LOCK dial.
59 BOOG
Aw, c’mon guys! I’ll do anything!
60 FANBOY
You know Chum Chum, maybe it’s all
those wet willies, but I thought I
just heard Boog say he’d do
anything for this ticket.
61 CHUM CHUM
Anything?
62 BOOG
Anything you want!
63 FANBOY
How ‘bout everything we want?
Boog looks up to the giant Chimp.
64 BOOG
(pained)
Only for you.
FB 113 "PG Movie" Record Draft - 6/09/08 9.
65 BOOG
<makes horn noise> Hear ye, hear
ye! Presenting the most radical
King of all that’s Awesomely Sweet,
Fanboy! And his main man, the High
Duke of Funkadelic-ness, Mixmaster
Chum Chum!
66 BOOG (CONT’D)
There. Piece of cake.
67 FANBOY
Good. Now the other thing.
68 BOOG
Aw, c’mon.
69 CHUM CHUM
(waving movie ticket)
Ticky ticky ticky!
70 BOOG
Awww.
(to class)
Also, I like to make poopy in my
diaper.
71 CLASSMATES
<uproarious laughter>
72 FANBOY
(baby talk)
That’s my little Boogie Boo. Now
here’s Boogie’s widdle binky.
73 BOOG
(self pity)
I used to rule this school. <sucks
pacifier>
FB 113 "PG Movie" Record Draft - 6/09/08 10.
74 BOOG
Ahh, the sweet sound of ball on
face... the humiliation of the
weak... the smell of fear... I love
dodgeball!
75 CHUM CHUM
Uh-uh. Big kids can’t play.
76 BOOG
Well, then why am I here?
CUT TO:
Fanboy and Chum Chum run behind Boog as he’s being pelted
with dodgeballs.
78 BOOG
Do it for Chimp Chomp. <impact
noise> Do it for Chimp Chomp.
<impact noise> Do it for Chimp--
(ball in mouth)
Chullp!
79 BOOG
Your Frosty Freezy Freezes.
80 FANBOY
Mmm, mine’s just a wee bit too
frosty.
81 CHUM CHUM
And mine’s just a tad too freezy.
82 FANBOY
Would you be a peach...?
FB 113 "PG Movie" Record Draft - 6/09/08 11.
Boog grits his teeth and walks off. He approaches the Frosty
Freezy Freeze machine where Lenny stands, <CHUCKLING>.
83 LENNY
Ha ha, looks like those two really
have you jumping through-- <impact
sound>
84 BOOG
You don’t have my ticket.
ANGLE ON FANBOY AND CHUM CHUM. Boog brings over fresh Frosty
Freezy Freezes. The boys take them.
85 FANBOY
Hmm, still an hour ‘til showtime.
However will we spend it?
86 BOOG
(realizing)
Oh no! No no no! Not my precious
baby! Nobody touches my Chimp
Chomp but me!
87 FANBOY
We understand, Boog. Why don’t you
stay and play it while we go see
the movie with someone else?
88 BOOG
(struggling)
Alright... But I beg you, be gentle
with her.
90 CHUM CHUM
Yay!
91 BOOG
There, you’ve had your fun.
FB 113 "PG Movie" Record Draft - 6/09/08 12.
92 CHUM CHUM
I want the high score.
93 BOOG
What are you, nuts? You got three
points.
94 CHUM CHUM
I... want the high score.
95 BOOG
(pointing to screen)
Look! 988 thousand! 989 thousand!
Those are high scores! I outta
know! I earned ‘em!
96 CHUM CHUM
(beat)
I want the high score.
97 BOOG
But... the only way to do that is
to erase my high scores?!
98 FANBOY
Well, if seeing your name on this
machine is more important than
seeing the movie it inspired...
99 BOOG
(boils for a minute, then)
‘Scuse me.
103 FANBOY
There you go, Boog. You’ve earned
it.
105 FANBOY
(casual, to Boog)
So... Should we all go together?
Or do you want to meet us there?
Boog lifts his head up from the machine, clutching his ticket
with an <EVIL CACKLE>.
106 BOOG
You know, growing up in a plastic
bubble, Chimp Chomp was all I was
good at. But now I found something
else I’m good at... Bopping you
guys! And that’s what I’m gonna do
during the movie. Watch Chimp
Chomp... and BOP YOU SENSELESS!
107 BOOG
(yelling at screen)
Chomp it you Chimp! <laughs>
108 FANBOY
(weakly)
Why didn’t we think of that?
110 FANBOY
There’s only one thing to do. Chum
Chum, get that ticket!
111 BOOG
Get back here!
112 FANBOY
Run Chum Chum! Run like the wind!
113 BOOG
Whooooooaaaaaaaa!
114 LENNY
Hey, watch it!
(Chum Chum races by him)
Cut it out!
116 LENNY
Okay!
FB 113 "PG Movie" Record Draft - 6/09/08 15.
Lenny moves out of the way right before Boog races into frame
and SMASHES right into the microwave door, his face
flattening against the door’s interior side.
117 BOOG
<impact noise>
Boog eyes glace over at the DIGITAL CLOCK next to his face.
It’s 7:20, his EYES GO WIDE.
Fanboy, Chum Chum and Boog angrily get in each others’ faces.
123 BOOG
It was one night only, and you made
me miss it!
124 FANBOY
No, you made us miss it!
FB 113 "PG Movie" Record Draft - 6/09/08 16.
125 BOOG
I know one thing I won’t miss...
your face!
DISSOLVE TO:
127 BOOG
<laughing> 378 more days ‘til Chimp
Chomp 2! I love sequels!
FADE OUT.