ACTIVE LISTENING HANDOUT

Seven Active Listening Techniques

Minimal Encouragements
Sounds made, especially on the phone, to let one person know the other
is there and listening. Such as, Oh?, !hen?, and "eally?. They are
questions, comments, or sounds that do not inter#ere with the #low o#
conversation, $ut do let the su$%ect know that the negotiator is there and listening. They
help $uild rapport and encourage the su$%ect to continue talking.
Paraprasing
A summary in your own words o# what you were told. &emonstrates listening, creates
empathy and esta$lishes rapport $ecause it is evident that you have heard and
understood. 'sually, paraphrasing $egins with the words, Are you telling me( or Are
you saying( )araphrasing also clari#ies content, highlights issues and promotes give
and take $etween you and the su$%ect. *t tends to make the su$%ect a $etter listener.
Emotion La!eling
This is o#ten the #irst active listening skill to $e used in a crisis communication incident. *t
is important to $e attuned to the emotion $ehind the words and #acts. +ommonly, we all
want to get into pro$lem,solving too early. Too early an approach to pro$lem solving is
doomed to #ailure $ecause the su$%ect is o#ten not ready to reason and you have not
listened enough to get all o# the in#ormation you need to assist in pro$lem solving.
+ommon phrases #or you to use are, -ou sound(, -ou seem( , * hear( .emotion
heard $y you/. -ou do not tell people how they are #eeling, $ut how they sound to you
as i# they are #eeling.
&o not $e concerned a$out making a mistake in la$eling emotions. The su$%ect will
correct you and will o#ten appear grate#ul #or the attempt. 0e aware o# missing emotions
and listen #or con#licts in the #eelings e1pressed, especially i# they appear inappropriate
to the situation. 2motion la$eling is not a technique to apply when you are ver$ally
attacked. *n that instance, switch to an * message .see $elow/.
)age 3 o# 4
Mirroring "or #e$lecting%
This is the technique o# repeating the last word or phrase and putting a
question mark a#ter it. This provides very e1act responses $ecause you are
using the su$%ect5s own words. "e#lecting or mirroring asks #or more input
without guiding the direction o# the su$%ect5s thoughts and elicits in#ormation when you
do not have enough to ask a pertinent question. *t is use#ul when you are at a loss #or
words and it provides an opportunity #or the su$%ect to think a$out what you have said.
Open&En'e' (uestions
The primary use o# open,ended questions is to help a su$%ect start talking. Asking open,
ended questions encourages the person to say more without actually directing the
conversation. They are questions that cannot $e answered with a single word such as
yes or no. Open,ended questions get in#ormation #or you with #ewer questions, those
that usually $egin with how, what, when and where. 6ote that why questions are not
asked directly. !hy questions tend to steer the conversation toward $lame and shut
down communication. !hy questions also tend to pass %udgment.
+losed,end questions give a #eeling o# interrogation that makes rapport $uilding di##icult.
They also cause you to work too hard at thinking up new questions.
)I* Messages
* messages ena$le negotiators to let the su$%ect know how he is making you #eel, why
you #eel that way, and what the su$%ect can do to remedy the situation. This is a non,
threatening approach and does not put the su$%ect on the de#ensive. * messages are
used when communication is di##icult $ecause o# the intense emotions $eing directed at
you. *t is also used when the su$%ect is trying to manipulate you and you want him to
stop the attempts. 6egotiators also use this technique to re#ocus the su$%ect and when
they are ver$ally attacked.
E$$ecti+e Pauses
Silence can $e very e##ective on a num$er o# levels. 7ost people are not com#orta$le
with silence and will #ill it with talk. *t is to your advantage to keep the su$%ect talking.
Silence can also $e used to emphasi8e a point. -ou can use silence %ust $e#ore or %ust
a#ter saying something important.
)age 9 o# 4
ACTIVE LISTENING SCENA#IOS
ACTIVE LISTENING SCENARIO #1:
-ou5re talking to your #riend a$out your spouse, whom you are angry at $ecause he:she
is consumed with work, is always at the o##ice and has missed several important outings
with you and the #amily. -ou5re #eeling somewhat em$arrassed and don5t really wish to
air your laundry in pu$lic, $ut, at the same time you #eel a real need to talk a$out it.
ACTIVE LISTENING SCENARIO #2:
-ou5re talking to your supervisor who called you in to ask i# you were okay. -ou have
$een tired and worn out #or the last several weeks. -ou %ust don5t #eel enthused a$out
anything and each day is not something you look #orward to. -ou #eel like you5re %ust
going through the motions on everything you do.
ACTIVE LISTENING SCENARIO #3
-ou5re talking to a co,worker a$out one o# the new guys, who gives you the creeps .and
you5re not really sure why/.
ACTIVE LISTENING SCENARIO #4
-ou5re talking to your supervisor who %ust walked in a#ter you got o## the phone with yet
another irate caller who really pushed all your $uttons. -ou5re #eeling guilty $ecause
you snapped $ack at him a couple o# times, $ut you5re a#raid to say anything $ecause
you don5t want to get into trou$le. At the same time, you want to vent;
ACTIVE LISTENING SCENARIO #5
-ou think the two dispatchers across the room have $een talking a$out you $ecause
they keep looking over at you and then whispering $ack and #orth to each other. -ou
decide to con#ront one o# them a$out it at the end o# the shi#t.
ACTIVE LISTENING SCENARIO #6
-ou5re talking to your co,worker. -ou are very e1cited $ecause you are planning your
#irst vacation in #ive years. -ou leave ne1t week. The only thing that you worry a$out is
the cost, $ecause money has $een tight recently.
ACTIVE LISTENING SCENARIO #7
-ou were ordered to hold over $y your supervisor, $ecause someone called in sick #or
the ne1t shi#t. This ruined your plans #or the evening. Still, no one else could or would
work it, and you haven5t worked OT in a month $ecause you5ve $een on vacation and
this is your #irst day $ack. -ou5re talking to a co,worker.
)age < o# 4
ACTIVE LISTENING SCENARIO #8
-ou5re talking to a #riend that you #eel somewhat slighted $y $ecause he:she hasn5t
gotten together with you recently and hasn5t returned calls you5ve le#t on their machine.
-ou5re worried that you upset them somehow, $ut you5re not sure what you might have
done.
ACTIVE LISTENING SCENARIO #9
-ou are talking to an acquaintance. -ou have taken your car to a repair shop $ecause
it5s making #unny noises. -ou5ve had it in and out o# this shop several times over the last
several months. -ou5re quite upset= $ecause you think you5re $eing given the runaround
and #eel that they are very condescending toward you.
ACTIVE LISTENING SCENARIO #10
-ou5re thinking a$out quitting your %o$. -ou and your spouse have talked a$out this #or
awhile. *t would mean selling your house and moving away to live somewhere less
e1pensive. -ou think you want to do this $ut at the same time you wonder i# it is the $est
thing #or you and your spouse. -ou are talking to your co,worker. Take it #rom there;
ACTIVE LISTENING SCENARIO #11
-ou5re upset a$out the way you were treated $y someone at city hall when you went to
get a permit #or some repair work at your home. -ou5re talking to your #riend.
ACTIVE LISTENING SCENARIO #12
-ou5re talking with a co,worker a$out the day you had. -ou had a #lat tire on the way to
work, causing you to $e late and you got yelled at $y the supervisor. The dog was sick
and you had to take him to the vet. -our ta1 $ill came and you don5t have money to pay
it, etc.
ACTIVE LISTENING SCENARIO #13
-ou5re talking to your co,worker a$out all the changes happening at your agency with
e1pansion, new equipment, new personnel, new policies, etc. *t5s all very overwhelming
to you.
ACTIVE LISTENING SCENARIO #14
-ou %ust came in to work straight #rom a doctor5s appointment where you #ound out the
doctor wants to send you #or some tests $ecause they had some unusual readings on
your annual physical. .Take it #rom there(/ you5re speaking with a co,worker.
)age > o# 4
ACTIVE LISTENING SCENARIO #15
-ou5re talking to a #riend a$out your move to a new town. -ou5ve always lived in the
same town and you5re e1cited, yet also nervous, a$out this move.
ACTIVE LISTENING SCENARIO #16
2arlier in your shi#t, you made a #airly serious mistake and you5re really upset a$out it.
'sually, you5re really outgoing and up$eat, $ut this mistake is really eating at you. 2ven
though nothing happened to the involved parties, you #eel really terri$le and question
whether you can still do the %o$ and keep up with all the activity levels like you once did.
ACTIVE LISTENING SCENARIO #17
-ou are up to here with your kids. They are simply driving you nuts with whining,
sniveling and $ickering. -ou love them, $ut $oy, do you need a $reak. -ou5re talking to a
co,worker.
ACTIVE LISTENING SCENARIO #18
-ou5re in a dilemma and you ask your #riend i# they have a #ew minutes to talk. -ou have
an opportunity to take a new %o$ with regular hours and holidays and weekends o##. At
the same time, you love what you do and you5re %ust really torn.
ACTIVE LISTENING SCENARIO #19
-ou5re upset a$out a con#lict you had with a co,worker a #ew days ago. -ou5re talking to
a di##erent co,worker a$out it. -ou #eel like you acted like a rat. -ou did apologi8e to the
person you o##ended, and you have tried to make up #or it. Still, you keep hearing a$out
it and you #eel that you can5t do any more, so why doesn5t everyone %ust drop it;
ACTIVE LISTENING SCENARIO #20
-ou5re talking to a #riend a$out this? you5ve $een working on a pro%ect #or some time, you
did all the surveying, the compiling, even the writing. And, it was your idea in the #irst
place. 0ut, someone else turned in your pro%ect with their name on it, and they got all
the credit.
)age 4 o# 4