Mail Order Brides Essay
Mail Order Brides Essay
Mail Order Brides Essay
Shalei Holway
December 10, 2012
Cultural Psychology
Seeley
Russian Mail-Order Brides in the US: A Cultural Psychology Perspective
Introduction
In December of 2000, the American media was fixated on one story: the murder of
Russian mail-order bride Anastasia King. Two years prior to her death, she had been introduced
to Indle King through an International Marriage Broker (IMB) and Anastasia immigrated to the
United States from Russia to live with her new husband. Indle King decided he wanted to end
their marriage but was concerned that it would be expensive to file for divorce. His solution was
to murder his wife (Schwamkrug). Upon investigation, police discovered that Anastasia was Mr.
Kings second mail-order bride. His first wife had filed for divorce along with a domestic
violence protection order. Perhaps even more horrifying to the public was when information
emerged that even after Anastasia Kings death, Mr. King began the process of finding a third
mail-order bride (Newsome).
When American news outlets fixated on Anastasias gruesome story, a spotlight was
directed at the mail-order bride industry and the domestic abuse that oftentimes results in these
marriages. Authorities agree that domestic violence in these marriages is expected to be more
common than in normal marriages (Scholes). Studies commissioned by the United States
Congress found that domestic violence rates could be very high (77% in one study) in marriages
between mail-order brides and lawful permanent resident men (H.R. REP. NO. 103-395 (1993),
1993 WL 484760). This is shocking when compared to the national average of 28 percent of
American couples who report domestic violence at some point in their marriages (Overview of
Domestic Violence). One independent study found that mail-order marriages are less likely to
end in divorce than marriages overall in the United States: divorce rates in mail-order marriages
for which the courtship period lasted more than 4 months were between 35.8 and 41.3 percent
when compared to the overall US divorce rate which is 48 percent (Statistics Solutions, Inc).
Even more surprisingly, domestic abuse was not reported as a significant factor that contributed
to divorce in mail-order marriages.
After Anastasias story and many similar reports surfaced in the early 21st century, many
Americans asked why these women were willing to come to the United States in the first place
and moreover why they seem willing to remain in abusive marriages rather than divorce. The
answer to these questions is best answered by the field of cultural psychology because mail-order
brides actions which may seem inexplicable to Americans are largely motivated by their cultural
background. Thus, viewing the Russian mail-order bride phenomenon as a collision between
American mens and Russian womens culturally-produced expectations of the marriage
provides a richer understanding of why people willingly enter these marriages and additionally
why domestic abuse is a frequent outcome of these arrangements.1 Understanding these
marriages from the perspective of both the men and the women involved can help law makers
institute policies that can better protect this population that is vulnerable to domestic violence.
Background
To understand why these marriages exist in the first place, one must know the conditions
of the creation of the mail-order bride industry. While companies that facilitate international
marriages are certainly not a new phenomenon, this industry has recently flourished due to the
1
It is important to note that there is a selection bias in the availability of information on the outcomes of these
marriages, as successful mail-order marriages rarely reach law enforcement officials, courts or media outlets (Jackson 498).
While this paper acknowledges that not all mail-order marriages result in domestic abuse, this essay examines factors that
oftentimes lead to abuse in mail-order marriages.
spread of internet use (Case 487). The three most prominent regions that American mail-order
brides come from are Southeast Asia, the former Soviet Union and to a lesser extent, Latin
America. Russian women became popular brides in this industry in the late 1980s as the
collapse of the Soviet Union opened this market to Western countries. Typically, women pay a
nominal fee if anything to have their profile posted on a site, and men pay a great deal more to be
set with a match. Once a woman and a man are paired together, they communicate by internet
and phone to see if they are compatible. Oftentimes, the man will go to his potential wifes
country to visit her before they marry.
With the recent growth in this industry as well as the highly-publicized murders in the
early 21st century, an increase in the amount of legislation surrounding these marriages has
resulted. Once an immigrant bride enters the United States on a fiance visa, she must marry
within 90 days or she will be deported (USCIS - Fiance Visa). Males entering these sites must
complete a background check, the womens forms must be translated to her language, women
must sign a document that acknowledges they agree to communication before online chats
commence and more recently, Americans are only permitted 2 fiance visas per lifetime.
However these more strict regulations have not been sufficient to end domestic violence in mailorder marriages.
exorbitant travel fees for his fiance and himself, as well as sometimes her children.
Compounding the seeming undesirability of mail-order marriages for men is the social backlash
from peers for entering a marriage that has a reputation for being loveless. But what is perhaps
more incomprehensible is the question of why a woman would enter one of these contracts.
These women leave their careers, families and culture to come to a country where they most
often know no one aside from the man whom they have been conversing with over the internet.
However, understanding the cultures and circumstances that these individuals come from offers
unique insight into why both men and women are willing to enter into these relationships.
Culturally produced stereotypes of other societies both create the supply of Russian women in
this industry, as well as the American demand for Russian brides.
It is important to note that there is a dearth in research of mens propensity for domestic violence before mail-order marriages.
Thus it is possible there is a selection bias at play, as perhaps men who enter mail-order marriages are more likely to be abusive.
Undercover work has shown that IMBs are largely willing to provide services to men with
violent histories. The surveyor sent IMBs an email inquiring if they would be willing to accept
him as an applicant despite the fact that he pled guilty to disorderly conduct in response to
criminal assault charges filed by two American ex-wives. Out of the 66 responses that the
organization received, 59 said that they were willing to accept him as customer without any
further inquiry (Equality Now). One of the more shocking responses that researchers received
from a marriage broker sympathizes with the fake applicants act of domestic abuse and suggests
that Russian brides are less likely to provoke a man to beat (Equality Now):
As far as sponsoring your alien fiance, the government couldnt care less if youre Jack
the Ripper, as long as youre out of jail and free to marry. As far as bitches go, I think I
understand. They assert that No means No except when theyre nagging, in which
case, No means, Keep nagging and try to get beaten. I think that they language
barrier actually helps here; its hard to squawk through a language barrier.
As this except suggests, one of the primary reasons that American men cite for seeking a mailorder marriage is a dissatisfaction with American women. As more than half of men seeking
mail-order brides are divorced, many believe that marrying a foreign woman is the key to a
better marriage.
Marriage brokers recognize that the industry is stoked by the backlash against American
feminism and the belief that American women are aggressive and selfish (Chun 1176-7). To
capitalize on their clients hatred of the modern American woman, IMBs use stereotyped
understandings of Russian women to promote their business. Agencies appeal to the consumers
belief that Russian women are traditional as well as submissive and they sell the fantasy of the
foreign bride as a more accommodating wife in comparison to American wives (Chun 1177).
Such advertisements are very easy to find on the internet. The following claim was taken from a
Russian mail-order bride site and exemplifies the stereotyped image of Russian women that these
companies sell to American men (Russian Brides. Mail Order Brides, Single Women from
Ukraine):
Thousand of pretty girls and single women from Ukraine and Russia want to get married,
create a family, and be happy. So do you? Are you looking for a Russian bride? Do you
want to find a family-oriented Ukrainian woman and create a happy family with her?
Army Of Brides is the right place for you!
This excerpt illustrates how the message that Russian women are family-oriented is very overt
in advertisements for mail-order brides.
However, this obvious messaging is not only present in advertisements; it is also
explicitly communicated when men correspond with representatives from these companies. In
the aforementioned study conducted by Equality Now one IMB representative claimed that he
understands why the fake respondent would be compelled to beat his American wife, and used
the inquiry as an opportunity to market the Russian women by juxtaposing them with American
women (Equality Now 3):
I understand you as many men suffer from career - women. You know that we have good
and beautiful women. Most of them are clever and they are not looking for the career.
Our women are just grown up in other way. They should care of her husband, children,
family, not about her work.
It is clear that men seeking Russian brides are largely frustrated by American womens
increasing independence and distance from the traditional role of a housewife after the Womens
Liberation Movements in the United States in the 1960s and 1970s. They are easy prey for IMBs
to take advantage of preexisting American stereotypes of Eastern European women as
subservient, traditional wives and market their ladies in juxtaposition with harsh, American
women. Thus understanding the cultural context of the American men who desire mail-order
brides greatly facilitates ones conception of why someone would be compelled to enter this
agreement in the first place.
social pressure to marry, and the expected age of marriage is much younger in Russia than the
United States (Sullivan). As unmarried Russian women grow older, it becomes far more difficult
for them to find a husband. As Russian women turn 22 or 23 (the age at which it socially
unacceptable not to have a husband), they can still attract American men who are not deterred by
their age.
However, there are also a number of reasons why Russian women would want to marry
abroad which are unrelated to the undesirability of married life in Russia. There is a widely held
perception among Russian women that American men are exceptional. Much of what Russian
women know about American men they learn through American television shows and books
which depict these men as sensitive and caring. In comparison with the widespread alcoholism
and tendency towards abuse among Russian men, the stereotyped depiction of American men is
far preferable when Russian women are seeking husbands. Thus although economic factors
oftentimes are the driving forces for Russian women to decide to use International Marriage
Brokers to find a husband, they choose the United States in particular because they harbor a
culturally-produced stereotyped understanding of American men.
explanation of how the domestic abuse that oftentimes occurs in these marriages is also
motivated by this collision of culturally-produced expectations.
Schwamkrug changes the names of her clients for protection purposes. The ethnographic accounts of other Russian womens
marriages that are depicted in this paper all come from Schwamkrugs research and all employ pseudonyms.
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personhood that results from the commodification of these women makes it easier for men to
abuse them.
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either the police or the legal system) to alleviate their abusive living conditions. Hence, to
Russians it is less obvious that domestic violence is a problem which can be remedied, and as a
result Russian women are less likely to report this type of crime.
The fact that recently-immigrated Russian women are unfamiliar with the United States
laws also makes them less likely than American women to report their husbands abuse. One
such example is the story of Lyudmilla, a mail-order bride who signed away her rights in a
prenuptial contract drafted by her fiance. When her attorney explained that Lyudmilla was
rescinding many of her rights under state law, she expressed that she did not mind giving up her
rights in the US because she had already given up everything she had in Russia. Lyudmilla
never fully understood the impact of her signature because the American conception of rights is
very different from the Russian understanding, and additionally she was not accustomed to
having her rights enforced when she lived in Russia (Schwamkrug). Lyudmillas story shows
how laws and even basic conceptions of rights do not necessarily translate in the cultural move
from Russia to the United States. The lack of shared meaning on basic legal matters in the
United States puts Russian bride immigrants in a vulnerable position as they are less capable of
advocating for themselves and understanding that a crime has been committed against them that
is punishable by law.
Another relevant realm of American law that Russian brides are not well acquainted with
is immigration law. Because they oftentimes do not understand these laws, these women are in
perpetual fear of deportation and thus they are less likely to confront their husbands or turn to
law-enforcement officials, both of which they view as parties who could deport them. Natashas
story provides a rich example of this situation in which a woman is willing to endure domestic
abuse for fear of deportation. Natasha had an engineering degree but also was a bit older and
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had teenage children. She divorced her first husband because he was an alcoholic. The lack of
re-marriage prospects in Russia compelled her to make a profile at a matchmaking agency. She
found a mate named Robert with whom she corresponded for a year before he went to Russia to
visit her. Robert promised that he did not drink habitually and they married in Russia but
Natasha waited a year before she moved to America to live with him.
Natasha arrived in a small town in Texas where she was told she would have to sleep in
her own room. Robert, it turned out, was an alcoholic and would not allow her to leave the
apartment without him. When she tried to leave the house to buy herself feminine hygiene
products, Robert accused her of being a prostitute and then proceeded to savagely beat her.
Natashas husband threatened to have her sent back to Russia for being a prostitute. In spite of
Natashas desperately terrible living conditions, she feared being deported even more because
she had rescinded her career, apartment, and children to come to the United States. Returning to
Russia would mean that she would face harsh social stigma and embarrassment (Schwamkrug).
Hence, Natasha was willing to remain in her abusive marriage because her husband took
advantage of her lack of knowledge on American immigration laws and led her to believe that
the only alternative to her abusive marriage was deportation.
Beyond a dearth in understanding American laws, Russian women who are abused by
their husbands rarely report the violence because distrust in the police that is deeply ingrained in
Russian culture. There is a general sense that the Russian government and law enforcement
officials are not to be trusted and are inefficacious. Russian women apply their cultural
perspective of laws, law enforcement authorities, and the purpose law serves in a society to the
United States police which limits their ability to remove themselves from a dangerous living
situation. Additionally, Russian women simply do not harbor the idea that police are capable of
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combined with unawareness or fear of shelters, distrust of police, lack of social networks and the
fact that domestic violence is more of a norm in Russia create the perfect situation in which
these battered women remain in their marriages. Although superficially it is difficult for people
to understand why someone would be willing to withstand domestic abuse, contextualizing these
immigrants experiences by more thoroughly understanding their cultural upbringing and the
conditions in the country that they are leaving sheds a great deal of light on why this abuse
persists.
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the United States they should be made aware that resources other than the police are available in
the event that they are domestically abused, such as shelters and social workers. By enacting
policies such as these, the United States can better regulate the International Marriage Broker
industry and make a large difference in the lives of Russian women who immigrate to the United
States hoping to find superior opportunities for social advancement than are available to them in
Russia.
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