Words Usage

Words usage
1. Ironic
Does not mean: Something cosmically shitty or funny that happened to you.
Does mean: An occurrence that is the opposite of what youd expect.
Easily the most abused word in the English language, we partially have Alanis
Morrisette (God love her) to blame for this one. The most ironic thing about the
song Ironic is that its singer cant define irony. (Or perhaps shes so clever that
such is the point?) A no smoking sign on your cigarette break? Unfortunate, not
ironic. The good advice that you just didnt take? Poor judgment, not irony.
2. Peruse
Does not mean: To skim a text or browse over the key parts.
Does mean: To read something attentively.
If youre a grad student, youve likely perused your reading at some point
by reading the first line of every paragraph or using one of the other infinite
tricks grad students use to not have a meltdown. But if you look at the parts of
the word, you can see how were all using it wrong. Peruse originally comes
from per use, which traditionally indicates that you plan to use up the text
with your passionate reading of it. Thus, the text is meant to be per use or
to be specifically used once. The other meaning came later.
3. Consent
Does not mean: To give ones enthusiastic permission or agreement
Does mean: To passively agree, even if you have a negative opinion of what
youre agreeing to
As a feminist, Im all into consent in the bedroom, but the word doesnt quite
mean what we all think it does. Consent, as an acquiescence, is far more neutral
in value. If you consent to something, youre not cheering it on. Youre allowing it
to happen with your permission. Its more of a shrug. But assent indicates you
really, really want it just as much as Robin Thicke thinks you do. So, ladies, if
you want to tell him that Yes Means Yes, make sure to give assent. It sounds
more fun that way.
4. Effect
Does not mean: To cause or to induce something to happen, like change
Does mean: The outcome of a cause, like a Cause and Effect situation
This is a very common student mistake. You should never, under any
circumstances, use effect as a verb. Its a noun. You want to say effect after
you take a pill and you want to know all the funny side things that happen after.
The pill was the cause, the drowsiness is the effect. If you want to be a cause
and affect change, use that a at the beginning instead.
5. Compelled
Does not mean: To voluntarily do something, usually out of a moral or internal
impulse
Does mean: To be forced, obligated or pressured into doing something
This means the exact opposite of what you think it does, and theres an easy
way to see how. If you have to give compulsory service in the military, that
means you dont have a choice. You have to sign up, like in Israel. But an
impulse is that nagging voice inside you that wont shut up until you do
something an impulsive decision. You dont plan those and they often come
out of nowhere. Compelled comes from compulsory, so if youre compelled
Words usage
to give a truthful eye-witness testimony during a court case, that means you
gotta do it. Johnny Law says.
6. Disinterested
Does not mean: Uninterested, as in bored by the outcome or something
Does mean: Impartial, not influenced by the outcome of something.
Uninterested and disinterested are commonly used as synonyms to indicate
ones boredom. However, disinterested instead indicates an emotional and moral
distance from events. Its not that you are bored by them. Its that you have zero
stake in whats happening, so why does it matter to you? For instance, Im not
bored by the Kardashians; theyre rarely ever boring. However, I am profoundly
disinterested in their existence.
7. Instant
Does not mean: Very quickly, with lightning speed
Does mean: A specific point in time.
Although Google Instant and instant coffee beg to differ, the popular use of
instant commonly diverges from its intended meaning. Instant originally meant
a very tiny fraction of time, a moment so minute it was practically infinitesimal.
However, the idea of smallness here was carried over to its more common
meaning, the small amount of time by which something is done or prepared.
Most dictionaries now recognize both uses.
8. Irregardless
Does not mean: Regardless
Does mean: Nothing, because its not a real word
As covered in one of my previous posts, irregardless is a commonly misused
word with no real meaning at all. Although used interchangeably with the proper
regardless, the superfluous prefix ir adds nothing to the word. The less
suffix already negates ones regard, making the ir- unnecessary. However, it
does make for a choice Mean Girls reference, so if thats why youre using it,
carry on. I shant get in the way of Tina Fey.
9. Enormity
Does not mean: Enormousness
Does mean: A profoundly evil or immoral act
Susan Sontag once gave us a great example of the intended use of enormity
when she talked about the enormity of state power, meaning a great evil or
abuse. A fun indication of how not to use it comes from George W. Bush,
Americas favorite president-cum-nude painter. When he was voted into office,
Dubya remarked that he couldnt believe the enormity of the situation. Hes a
pretty great example of how not to use the English language, ever.
10. Chronic
Does not mean: Severe or intense
Does mean: A condition or state that lasts for a protracted period
Do you have chronic neck pains or a chronic illness? Then you better get
used to it, because the original definition of chronic indicates that malady will be
hanging around for a while. Chronic refers to things that are long-lived, and a
chronic illness might be Scarlet Fever or tuberculosis that kind of shit you that
wont go away. Americans in the audience, arent you glad you dont have to
deal with TB anymore?
11. I.E.
Words usage
Does not mean: For example

Does mean: In other words
Everyone seems to use i.e. to refer to a parenthetical example, but you should
actually use e.g. instead. For instance, if you were referring to one of the many
illnesses we no longer have to worry about, you would say, Man, Im glad I dont
have to worry about those Medieval ailments (e.g. the Bubonic plague)! I.e. is
best used to mean in other words, coming from the Latin for that is. So if
Buster Bluth were talking about his onetime girlfriend, Starla, he might say:
Starla (i.e. that whore).
12. Ultimate
Does not mean: The pinnacle or the best
Does mean: The final entry in a list of items
Easy way to remember this: The word penultimate means next to the last, not
next to the best. Thus, if you take the prefix off, it simply means the last but
not necessarily the best. So if you want to have the ultimate sex, you better
beware because you might not be ever having sex again. George, watch out for
that oncoming bus.
13. Decimate
Does not mean: To completely wipe out or annihilate
Does mean: To eradicate ten percent
This is a fun one, because history is cool. Decimate comes from a Roman term.
Decimation was a punishment commonly doled out entailing the killing of one
out of every ten men. You can see this because the prefix dec indicates ten
like the Decalogue or Ten Commandments. If you want to instead indicate
that you plan on total annihilation, you could instead use exterminate, slaughter
or obliterate, all equally light-hearted.
14. Panacea
Does not mean: A cure
Does mean: A cure-all, as in a medication that would cure a wide variety of
ailments
Theres a very subtle difference between these two versions. Panacea often just
gets used to mean a cure but isnt specific about the number. If Rahm
Emanuel wanted to announce he had a panacea for Chicagos failing schools,
that wouldnt be correct. That would be a single cure fighting a single problem. If
he instead wanted to tell us he had a panacea for our many structural issues,
that would be unlikely but at least grammatical. The key is pan, which is the
Latin meaning all like pansexual or pantheistic.
15. Fortuitous
Does not mean: As if by luck
Does mean: As if by chance
If youre partying with Daft Punk, you cant be up all night to get fortuitous.
Because of it looks like the word fortune, its commonly confused with lucky.
But for our wheel of fortune fans in the room, you know that the word fortune is
just as often use to describe occurrences of chance. If you bumped into your evil
ex on the street, you can be assured its not lucky but it would certainly be
fortuitous, just not in a happy way.
16. Plethora
Words usage
Does not mean: A great amount of something

Does mean: An amount in excess of what is necessary
The two meanings are almost interchangeable, and the common use of the word
is much more widespread than its original meaning. Plethora once would be used
to indicate having over the quantity you need, like if you have too many Tribbles
on the Starship Enterprise. What could you possibly do with all those Tribbles?
However, it later came to mean a fuckton, and you can easily have both kinds
of plethoras at the same time.
17. Travesty
Does not mean: An exceedingly troublesome or unfortunate event.
Does mean: A satirical or parodic rendering
Based on the words intended definition, you could actually call The Onion a
travesty of the real world. According to Merriam Webster, the word dates back
to the 17th century, when it was used to indicate a distorted reality for the
purposes of mockery. Jonathan Swifts Guillvers Travels would then be
considered one of the great travesties of all time.
18. Nauseous
Does not mean: Feeling sick to ones stomach
Does mean: Causing the feelings of sickness and nausea
Have you ever seen Never Been Kissed? They bring this one up in the movie. If
you eat too much at dinner and have a difficult time digesting it, you would not
feel nauseous. You feel nauseated, meaning that all the grease on that
delicious Italian dish made you ill. However, were you to fart, you might emit a
nauseous gas, one that makes others around you feel nauseous.
19. Redundant
Does not mean: Repetitive
Does mean: Unnecessary, excessive, expendable
Theres a great way to remember this from the British version ofThe Office.
When the bosses discuss laying off some of the employees or closing the
branches of the company, they rarely say firings. Instead they use what is
intended euphemism: redundancies. One wouldnt want to make things worse
by saying the word fire now. However, its actually worse (a dysphemism, in a
way) because youre being told that in addition to losing your job, you were
considered useless and unnecessary. Great ego boost.
20. Terrific
Used today as: Awesome
Originally meant: Inspiring fear
The word originally came from terror and terrifying but no one ever uses it
that way today. The meaning changed over time, and most of the old usage has
been wiped out. However, you can see where the new meaning comes from. If
something is truly terrifying, that likely means its awesome awesome (also
meaning worthy of or inspiring awe). Say you saw Godzilla. He would both be
awesome and terrifying, and you would likely be dead. Those are some big ass
feet.
21. Bemused
Does not mean: To find funny, to be amused by something
Does mean: To find puzzling, to be confused by something
Words usage
English speakers often use the word bemused in place of amused because
they sound almost like the same word. However, thats not what it actually
means. You can think of bemused like bewildered. Also, if you were truly
bewitched by something as in a spell were cast over you by a witch or
wizard you may be confused by it. Darren in Bewitched spent most of the
show bemused by his wifes schemes. Poor Darren.
22. Literally
Should not be used: To indicate strong emphasis (like the German doch) or as
a way to comment on something that did not happen in reality but occurred
figuratively
should be used: To indicate that something actually happened
This is a very commonly known misused word, so much so that I feel like we
shouldnt even have to cover it. But I wont pass up a great Parks and
Rec reference. Chris Traeger uses literally to commonly indicate his
enthusiasm for things. For instance, he says about Leslie: Leslie Knope is
literally overflowing with ideas for this town. He does not mean that, in real life,
shes overflowing with ideas. That sounds messy. Its figurative. Also, Ann
Perkins Inbox isnt completely full of penises, which would be difficult because
theres a lot of storage up in there, but she did get sent a whole lot of dick pics.
Some girls have all the luck.

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