SCRIPT FOR VARIETY SHOW

Abby: Ang programmang ito ay rated LPG. Labis na Patnubay at Gabay ng

magulang ang kailangan maari makapinsala pag napabayaan habang nagluto ng
SINIGANG, ADOBO, BACHOY, OKOY, GINATAAN. Ilayo sa mga bata ng hindi
mapaglaruan.
Hen: The views and opinions expressed by the hosts do not necessarily state or
reflect those of the company and its management. Furthermore, the views and
opinions of the guests do not reflect those of the hosts, the show, the management
and the network.
*Uh, Next? Opening number-Chandelier
Dy: Bringing you the latest chikkas!
Jessan: The hottest showbiz news, as hot as me!
Rian: Because I believe that we are beyond beautiful.
Dy: Im Beauty
Jessan: Im Cutie
Rian: And Im Sexy
All: And this is Uh, Next?
Dy: For our first guest
Jessan: The queen of all porks,
Rian: In a barrel?
Dy: Let us all welcome
All: Jomet Napoles (*entrance sfx)
Jessan: So, are you ready for our 3 killer questions? (Jomet nods)
Dy: First killer question,* Why are you in a barrel? (Dancers)
Jomet: I invoke my right against self-incrimination
Jessan: Second killer question, * Are you comfortable? Is it hot? (Dancers)
Jomet: I dont know.
Rian: And for our last killer question, * How did you fit in there? (Dancers)
Jomet: I dont remember.
Dy: OhMyGosh! Its so nice talking to you Mrs. Jomet Napoles.
Jessan: I really really learned a lot
Rian: Yeah right, I really appreciate the effort.
Dy: We really want to talk to you, but time wont cooperate.
Jessan: Thank you for joining us.
Rian: Well, so much for the interview. Uh, Next? Well be right back.
*Flash News
Trisha: Good Day! I am Trisha Sarcasm (hahaha). And this is Thanks News. People
are currently having a rally about the Queen of all porks, in a barrel? Heres Gwen
Internalize. Straight from Speech Enhancement Center. Gwen?
*Rallyistas w/some back-ups: Basagin ang Baboy! (5x)
Gwen: Yes, Trisha. This is Gwen Internalize. As you can see, people are rallying for
the just recent interview. So what can you say to the Queen of all porks, in barrel?
Kai: Get out of that barrel, be yourself!
Amor: Stop living in your imaginary box!
Ryu: If you dont want to play basketball, just play chess.
(Stares at Ryu)
Kai: Oh come on, lets just play Chess. (walks out)
Gwen: Once again, this is Gwen Internalize. Back to studio.
Trisha: Thank you, Gwen Internalize. And for the showbiz news, heres Miss A to
interview the famous boy band-Shitser.
Rea: Im Miss A, live in Zayas landfill, the land of all feels. And Im with the Shitser.
So, can you please state your name and your footsize.
Ryu: Whats with the foot size?
Rea: Just answer my question, its in my script.
Ryu: Okay, Niall Horny. Footsize 4. You look smokin
Rea: And, you?
Penny: Hairy Stylemobulok, size kids size.
Chris: I am Zayn Malikmalik, I dont know my footsize.
Rea: What? You need ice?
Chris: Nevermind.

Rea: How bout you?

Loujay: Im Liam Pain. I cant feel my feet cause I am a product of Pain.
Rea: Can you give us all a sample?
(Crowd shouts- SAMPLE)
*Concert
Rea: This has been Miss A. Back to studio.
Trisha: This has been Trisha Sarcasm (hahaha) Stay alert for more news only here
in Thanks News.
*Uh, Next?
Dy: Were back here on,
All: Uh, Next?
Jessan: Im really excited for our next guests today!
Rian: Aha! The famous primetime bidas are live here on studio. Isnt that great?
Dy: Help me welcome- Agnes Kalay and Xander Ariano Grande (I want you oh oh)
*Mon & Rain sings Forevermore theme song
Jessan: Is that it? Are you done?
Rian: Dont be such a bitter bisexual. Cant you see Xander Ariano Grande (I want
you oh oh) Is such a hottie?
Dy: IKR! So Agnes and Xander please promote you primetime teleserye.
Rain: I want you oh oh! To watch us at 3:07 am, everyday.
Mon: (Laughs) OMG!I cant wait. So guys, lets all watchBoth: Walang Forevermore!
Jessan: K. Bye.
(Mon&Rain exits)
Rian: So much for the sweetness. Well be back after a short break.
*Star Cinema-Trailer
Imma: For the celebration of the 20 years of Star Cinema. We present a lovestory
like no other.
Seno: Jackie needs to get out of here.
Jopad: No, she needs to pay the consequence of her wrongdoings.
(Anna-Taking a selfie/in prison)
Seno: Ill take her to our community outreach and Ill make sure that Jackie here
learns her lesson.
(Jopad&Seno exits)
Imma: Starring Kathryn Bernardo and Daniel Padaplin
When a snatcher falls in love (Jyvyl snatches Hens phone-SLOWMO)
Imma: How hard would it take?
Jyvyl: Get away! (Anna throws something at Jyvyl)
Anna: Snatcher! (Exits w/ Jyv)
Imma: The bad girl falls in love with a snatcher
Abby: Oh Zayas na, Zayas!*Jeepney sfx
Jyvyl: When this overflowed, its so smelly. But look at it now
Anna: A beautiful disaster.
Jyvyl: Like you.
Anna: Beautiful?
Jyvyl: DISASTER! *Nothings gonna stop us now sfx
Imma: Buang, Gwapa ka? Now showing in all moviehouse nationwide.
*Uh, Next?
Rian: So were back here on
All: Uh, Next?
Dy: Even my pretty face, reached the other side of the continent
Jessa: Right here on studio is a man with his interpreter, who came straight from
Mamapapamo.
Rian: The famous MILO, lets welcome MarONE and MarTwo.
Dy: So did you prepare for our 3 killer questions in 5 minutes?
Migs: Kill? Unsay kill? Patyon ta nila?
Jessan: Uh, Sir. Its just a question.
Jade: Aw pangutana ra daw MarOne.
Migs: Abi nakog unsa. Sige, ingni sila na mutubag ko ana MarTwo.
Jade: Yes, He is ready for you answers.
Rian: What? No, you should give us answers. DUH!

Jade: Ah. Yes, yes.

Dy: For our first killer question. *Why do you wear that type of clothes? (Dancers)
Jade: Kuan daw, Pwede ba daw nimo hubuon imong putos sa ulo?
Migs: AY ako pa! (removes it)
Jessan: Why are you taking that off? (Dancers)
Jade: Kulang pa daw.
Migs: Unsa ba diay! (strips jacket)
Rian: Why are you stripping? Im not yet prepared! (Dancers)
Jade: Gusto daw sila na hubuon daw nimo imohangDy: Ooops! Times up! Thank God!
Jessan: Do you have anything more to say?
Migs: We actually prepared a dance number.
Rian: What? You know how to speak in english but you hired an interpreter?
(Migs&Jade MILO dance) Growin up with milo, pares Shirogi.
Rian: Okay, we hope that we wont see you again. I mean otherwise.
*Jades phone rings
Jade: MarOne pagdali na, padulong na daw ang SWAT.
Migs: Ha? Pagsure uy?
*Gunshot sfx
Migs: Dagan! (exits)
Dy: So much for that interview, well have another guests.
Jessan: Yes, and they give me so much insecurities
Rian: But I still believe, that were so much beautiful.
Dy: So heres contestants numbers 1-4 of Miss Cogon.
(candidates-enter)
Jessan: We will have a question workshop.
Rian: For the first question, do you believe that youre beautiful?
Dimple: Yes, I believe that Im beautiful inside and out and
Rian: Next please.
Dy: Do you believe that youll be crowned as Miss Cogon?
Navaja: Yes, its because I have good qualities in selling fish, vegetables and
Dy: Uh, Next?
Jessan: What qualities does a Miss Cogon should have?
Kelsey: A body odor, a dead nail, bad breath and of course a
Jessan: Thank you for your effort.
Rian: And last, What is the exact time did Magellan arrived in the Philippines?
Kas-c: Thank you for that wonderful question. But uhm, I actually dont know.
Rian: Thats the most satisfying answer Ive heard so far.
Dy: So lets end this nonsense immediately. Bye, ladies. And Good luck.
(Candidates-exit)
Jessan: Our show is about to end, it makes me wanna cry.
Rian: Yeah, I feel you sisteer. Lets have a group hug!
Dy: This has been Beauty!
Jessan: Cutie
Rian: And Im Sexy!
All: And this is Uh, Next?
*Chandelier
(Abs-Cbn Black box commercial-Hearty and ALL)
-ENDCredits to: Monica, Jessan & others.