DEVELOPING RESILIENCE SERIES: KEEPING THINGS IN PERSPECTIVE

DEVELOPING RESILIENCE SERIES:

KEEPING THINGS IN
PERSPECTIVE

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FACILITATORS NOTES
THE GOALS:

HINTS, SUGGESTIONS
AND IDEAS FOR THE
FACILITATOR...

HIGH LEVEL GOALS / OUTCOMES:

Individuals become aware that their inner dialogue

influences their perception of events positively as well
as negatively;
Individuals realise they have a choice in how to
respond to events that make them feel uncomfortable;
Individuals acknowledge that they have the ability to
steer self talk to get the most out of positive situations
and deal with uncomfortable situations.

SPECIFIC DELIVERABLES:
Participants realise that their inner dialogue can be a powerful
and positive tool. They discover techniques to steer their inner
dialogue. They can explain how their inner dialogue and
emotions brought them up the ladder of inference in a specific
situation, using a visual of their choice.

FACILITATORS BACKGROUND INFORMATION:

Our comfort zone is the area in which we operate and feel
comfortable. When going outside this area, one begins to feel
uneasy. A way of broadening this comfort zone is to learn how
to put events into perspective. This can be achieved by being
less hard on ourselves and by influencing the voice in our
head that interprets events and situations. This starts with
being aware of our inner dialogue and the processes of our
internal voice and how they influence our mood. Once we
become aware of these perceived automatic thoughts, we can
learn to use them to reinforce situation where we feel
comfortable or converse them in their positive flip side in
uncomfortable situations. This will help us find a balance
between appropriately challenging a situation, whilst
controlling our responses, and avoiding unrealistic
expectations. Bear in mind that self talk and the inner voice

These notes give you

an overview of the
module and the
message.
They are not designed
to be read out to the
audience. However, you
can use this information
to help personalize the
module and make it
yours to present.
If you have any
questions please
contact a Shell Health
resilience trainer

does not equal hearing voices. It is a dialogue linked to

emotions and everyone can develop the ability to influence
this. Just the fact of being aware that the inner dialogue is
there allows one to slow down the thinking and creates room
for making choices.

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PREPARING FOR THE MODULE

PARTICIPANTS:
Ideally around 15 people. If you have more time and are
comfortable facilitating large groups, you can work with more
people at a time.
DURATION: 30 40 minutes
EQUIPMENT:
3 flip charts.
Make sure to book a room that has enough space to allow
participants to work in pairs.
Participants should have a pen and paper.
PREPARE:
Quotes written on the flip chart or printed on a format that
can be attached to the flip chart.
Empty templates of the ladder and the plane attached to
the flipchart.
Personal examples as stated in the text.

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REVIEW THE MODULE SCRIPT

The script for the Module is in the next section. Please read,
review and become familiar with it. If you have questions
please contact a Shell Health resilience trainer.
The session contains a mix of presentation, opinion, discussion
and exercises.

(READ AS WRITTEN) If you see this, then please read the

highlighted text. Some of the language can be unusual. Please
read it as written.

(MESSAGE) If you see this, then please deliver the message

either by reading it, or by using your own words, whatever you
are more comfortable with.
(ACTION) Please do whatever is in the highlighted text
The text in the right column of the script is general guidance
from the author. It is there to help and is not mandatory.

HINTS AND TIPS

The goal is not to
concentrate on the
theoretical concepts,
but to help the
participants become
aware of what they may
see as an automatic
thought process and to
give them tools that
enable them to control
this process and focus
on the positive aspects
of situations.
This is your module
however, there are
messages that must
be delivered.
Get familiar with the
text upfront to ensure
that you tell the story
rather than read the
text.
You can memorize this
text or tell the story in
your own style.
Please customise the
style generally a light
approach is better make it yours
Humour is very helpful
If this text helps, use
it if not helpful
dont use it.
Some people find it
useful to write their

own comments on the

script

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DELIVER THE SCRIPT FOR THE MODULE

(MESSAGE) Welcome and HSE.

HINTS, SUGGESTIONS
AND IDEAS FOR THE
FACILITATOR...

(ACTION)
On the flip chart, show the quotes stated below. This will be
the starting point for explaining to the audience the goals and
deliverables listed previously.

A flip chart are the

simplest way to show
the goals/deliverables

Man is not disturbed by events, but by the view he takes of

them
Epictetus (Stoical
philosopher)
There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.
Shakespeare (author)
Ask the participants what their expectations of the session are
based on these quotes. Do they agree with them? If possible,
introduce the concept of the self-fulfilling prophecy: if you
think a situation is bad, it is likely to become worse. However,
if you feel something is going well, it will even become
excellent.

Please do not give the

participants a copy of
the script to use during
the session.
Try to focus on
participants
expectations instead of
on objectives. Share
objectives at the end to
check whether they
have been met.

If required, use the Background section for giving the

participants more explanations about the concepts used for
formulating the goals.
(MESSAGE)
Explain to people that the internal voice (self-talk) will be one
of the main concepts that will be addressed in this module.
Prepare people that not everybody will have awareness of his
internal voice or will be able to steer it yet. However, there are
techniques through which everyone can create this
awareness.
(MESSAGE)
Ask the audience whether they can recall a situation where
their internal voice made them interpret a situation wrongly
and they only realized it afterwards. This situation can be work
related or not.
(ACTION)
Make sure to prepare a recent and personal example that you

Examples that are

closely related to an

can share in order to motivate your audience. Keep the

conclusion (i.e. how could you have influenced your internal
voice?) until the end of the session.

EXAMPLE:
One of my stakeholders is late for a meeting. While I am
waiting without having anything to do, I start thinking about
previous experiences with this person. Actually, it is not the
first time that he is late. Nor is he the only person that
happens to be late frequently. These people in department X
are all the same.

environment people
know seems to work
best (eg, workrelated or a day-today situation
everyone will
recognise).

This is an important stakeholder for the project that I am

working on and it is important for me to get his buy-in and
build a good relationship. Yet, with every minute that passes
by, I am getting more and more upset.
Check with the audience whether everyone has got a situation
in mind. Does this also imply that everyone recognises he/she
has got an internal voice? Lets move to an exercise to try and
get a better grip on our internal dialogue.

EXERCISE 1:

Hints, suggestions and

ideas for the
facilitator...

(ACTION) PLAY WITH YOUR INTERNAL VOICE (+/- 10 Min)

EXERCISE 1

(MESSAGE)
Explain to the audience that the activity you will take them
through might seem odd to most of them. Ask them to follow
the instructions and be open to the impact the exercise might
have.
Sit back in your chair and take a relaxed position. For this
activity, I will ask you to close your eyes. You will need to keep
your eyes closed for a rather long time. Please do keep them
closed until I tell you to open them again. Now close your eyes
and keep them closed until I ask you to open them again.

When you ask

questions and indicate
people to respond, bear
in mind that they
cannot see you! Explain
upfront that you will eg.
tick on the shoulder of
a person who has
raised his hand to
respond.

(ACTION)
Ask the participants to listen carefully. Ask whether their
internal voice talking to them at the moment? Ask them to
raise their hand if this is the case. Count how many people
have raised their hand and communicate this to the audience.

While the audience has

got their eyes closed,
try to talk slightly
slower to make them
relax and enable them

(ACTION)
Ask the participants who wants to volunteer and tell the
audience what exactly is it the internal voice told him / her.
Was it a positive or negative voice? Do the participants see
the internal voice as a negative influence or as a positive tool?

to concentrate better
on their internal voice.

(MESSAGE)
Let us now try to play with this internal voice. How does it
sound at this moment? Maybe it sounds like your own voice.
Maybe it sounds like to voice of someone you know. Or maybe
it is the voice of a complete stranger. Who wants to share his
experience with his internal voice with the audience?

(ACTION)
Recall the personal example you used previously. Explain to
the audience how your internal voice sounded you.

(MESSAGE)
I asked you to think about how you internal voice sounds at
this moment, because indeed, this voice may change over
time or according to your mood. Can you try and change the
way your internal voice talks? Can you make it shout or
whisper? Raise your hand if your internal voice changed.

(ACTION)
Communicate to the audience how many people raised their
hand.

(MESSAGE)
If you notice that very few people raise their hand, encourage
them to not only concentrate on the situation they are in now,
but to also think about occasions in the past where their
internal voice might have influenced their judgement or
actions.

(MESSAGE)
In case all raised their hand: Tell the participants how this
shows that the internal voice is fairly easy to manipulate. Tell
them we will go even further in exploring.
In case only part of the audience raised their hand: Tell the
participants that it is very true that some internal voices are
easier to catch than others. Explain that, in some cases, you
might not even literally hear a voice, but just feel strong
emotions. Let us practice some more.

Your internal voice has

various characteristics
which we call submodalities. Think eg. of
how the voice sounds
(speed, volume, tone),
what it looks like
(colour, shape, face), its
smell, how it feels
(scary, familiar).

In many audiences, you

see that the number of
people who raises their
hand goes up.

You may opt to add /

chose sub-modalities
that are familiar to you
and that you feel
comfortable with.
However, do include
the speed.

Ask the group to concentrate on the internal voice again. Can

you make it talk quicker or slower? When your internal voice
talks to you, where is it actually? Is it in your head? Is it sitting
on your shoulder and whispering in your ear? Who has
managed to locate his internal voice? Raise your hand.

(ACTION)
Communicate the number of people to the audience and then
ask them to open their eyes again.

(MESSAGE)
In case all managed to locate their internal voice:
See how easy it is to manipulate the internal dialogue and to
prevent it from taking you to wrong conclusions. We will
practice this further and if you continue to do so after this
session, you will see how easy it is to influence this voice.
In case only part of the audience managed to locate
their internal voice: Explain how this shows again that some
voices are easier to get hold on than others. We will further try
to catch the voice and if you continue trying even after this
session, you will see that you will succeed to catch it and
influence it. To manipulate your internal dialogue, it is not
necessary to be able to manipulate all sub-modalities. Just the
awareness that the dialogue takes place or the strong
emotions are there will allow you to slow it down. This will
allow you to create more options for yourself in how to react to
a situation.
Stress that all people have an internal voice and that they can
learn to hear it.

EXERCISE 2:

Hints, suggestions and

ideas for the
facilitator.

(ACTION) CHALLENGING YOUR INTERNAL VOICE +/- 15

minutes
(MESSAGE)
Share the example about John being late for the meeting
Attach a print to the flip chart or draw a ladder (or other
visual) and write the different steps. Explain how his internal
voice talked the person in the example up the ladder and how
he could have avoided this by challenging his internal voice to
look at observable data and to ask it questions. What John did
was quickly juxtaposing different assumptions without
allowing him the time to reflect and drawing a conclusion
based on these.

This process is known

as the Ladder of
Inference. You may find
it interesting to read
about this upfront and
understand how it
works. Alternatively,
you may opt to use
another visual that

Point out that different circumstances as well as ones mood

might have influenced the internal voice and the speed of
taking the person up the ladder of inference. Maybe he was
tired or feeling unwell. Maybe he was upset because he had
had a bad week so far.

works better for you.

(ACTION)

Try to avoid the term

ladder of inference
not to confuse the
audience with the
theory. Make it clear
that the visual is an
example and encourage
them to come up with
something else they
find useful.

Ask the participants to recall the example they had in mind

earlier during the session and to think about what was the
starting point (the bottom of the ladder), what was the
outcome (the arrival at the top) and what were the steps in
between.
Attach to the flipchart the empty template of the ladder of
inference as well as the picture of the plane, to help
participants visualise the situation. Encourage them to work
with another visual if they have something in mind. Give them
2- 3 minutes to reflect.

(MESSAGE)
Explain that you take the example of the ladder because it
works for you. For many people, other visuals will work better.
Think for example of a plane that is circling up in the air. Think
of someone riding forward on a bike, going quicker and quiker
as he gets more agitated.
Did it reveal any surprises?
Will you have to change the goal based on the testing
process?
Are you happy with your goal or if not, can you see some
improvements?
Do you think clarifying goals would be useful in the team and
meetings?

(ACTION)
Ask the participants to make pairs and share their example
with a peer. Discuss in pairs how you could have avoided
climbing up the ladder or prevented the plane from taking off
in that particular situation. Encourage the participants to
discuss what they can do to prevent their internal dialogue
from taking a negative direction. Can they ask it questions to
challenge it? In order to give the participants guidance, show
the examples for questions (printed or written on the
flipchart). Give them 5 minutes to discuss and then ask for 2
3 volunteers to share their example with the group. Ask how
they visualised the situation and how they challenged their
internal voice or prevented strong emotions from taking the
lead. Ask who can share an example of a situation that was
clearly influenced by his mood.

Visuals: some people

have drawn a volcano,
a racket at take-off etc.

Study the guidance

questions that are
attached to have some
ideas of examples you
can give.

(MESSAGE)
Stress the fact that your inner dialogue can also positively
influence uncomfortable situations. Come back to the example
you shared at the beginning and now also tell the ending of
the story explaining how your internal voice made you
successful in the situation.
Example: When my stakeholder finally arrived, more than 15
minutes late and did not even apologise, I told myself I had 2
options: I could show him how angry I was, giving the meeting
a bad start and putting the desired outcome at risk.
Alternatively, I could think logically and bear in mind the long
term benefit.
Therefore, I kicked off the meeting with some small talk asking
my stakeholder how he was doing and whether anything
unexpected had happened. Before going into the business we
had to discuss, I kindly requested to give me a call if he would
be late another time. As if only then he realised how late it
actually was, he apologised for the inconvenience and we had
a good discussion afterwards.

(MESSAGE)
Based on the outcome of your example, make it clear to the
audience that they have a choice in whether or not they go
with the direction their internal voice steers them into. It is
possible to influence self-talk!
END OF EXERCISE
Close:

(MESSAGE)
Recall the quotes that were used for opening the session. Ask
one or two participants what their view on the quotes is after
having attended the session.
You can steer them by asking whether they feel that their
feeling about an event or situation can highly influence their
view and actions. Also, test whether they see the influence of
their internal voice as positive or negative.

(MESSAGE)
For many of you, just this session has already helped to
become aware of your internal voice and even to locate is. For
all of you, I have the following recommendation: if you
continue practicing on playing with your internal voice, you
will all be able to control it at some point. Over time, this will

A recent example that

participants can identify
with usually works best.

make a huge difference in how you approach situations that

seem difficult at first sight and it will help you to realise that
after all, they are not a big deal.

(MESSAGE)
Thank everyone for their participation. Refer to the materials
for reinforcement that are listed below.

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REGISTER
(ACTION) Please register all the participants.
After you have delivered the module to the team, make sure
that you register all the participants - its easy!

WHY IS IT IMPORTANT?
For you
It is a record of your activity as a facilitator in delivering
modules, to demonstrate the work you have done.
If participating in the resilience survey is part of your GPA or
IDP, it provides evidence you have done this work.
For the program
Helps us understand the global reach of the resilience program
what countries is it being delivered in, how frequently are
modules run.
It allows us to refocus modules that are not used or less
effective and learn from those that really work.

WHAT DO YOU NEED TO DO?

Use the attached Excel file to record attendance at the
module. Either type in names and computer ID or ask
attendees to write it and scan and email the completed form
to PT-Admin-Resilience-Training@shell.com.

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REINFORCE
Facilitator Hints and
Tips

Learning how to control your internal voice and

to take a positive view of events cannot be
achieved through one session. Below, you will
find a number of suggestions for reinforcing
and maintaining this ability.
1. When you have quiet moment, sit down and
try to get hold of you internal voice. Talk to it,
make it talk back, play with it. Use the
examples as a starting point the tricks we used
in exercise 1. Try out other ways of visualising
your internal voice.
2. At the end of the day or week, take 10
minutes to reflect on the occasions where you
judged a situation too quickly and did not see
it in perspective.
Use the example below as a starting point for
reflecting on these situations.

Discuss with your internal voice where and

how it led you to too negative a perception of
the situation.
3. Read the story of Gretchen and how she
tries to keep things in perspective (cf.
appendix). Does your internal voice sometimes
take you to react in a similar way? What is the
reaction of your internal voice when you read
this story?

EXAMPLE OF THE LADDER OF INFERENCE

Source: Society for Organizational Learning (http://www.solonline.org/)

TEMPLATES OF THE LADDER AND THE PLANE

GUIDANCE QUESTIONS FOR CHALLENGING NEGATIVE THOUGHTS

THAT ARE PERCEIVED AS AUTOMATIC
Source: Making changes
(http://www.thehappinessinstitute.com/freeproducts/docs/Managing%20Unhelpful%20Thinking.pdf )

I RESOLVE TO KEEP THINGS IN PERSPECTIVE

Source: The Happiness Project

(http://www.happinessproject.com/happiness_project/2007/03/i_resolve_to_ke.html)
This story is part of the Happiness project by author Gretchen Rubin.
One of my resolutions is Remember how little most things matter in the
long run. Also, Im trying to be less defensive when I make mistakes.
I hate to be wrong, I hate to screw up, I hate to forget to do something
and it really bothers me when I do. I want to bore everyone with my
endless explanations, justifications, and excuses.
This came up last night. At the Second-Grade Parent Social at the Big Girls
school, a friend asked me if the Big Girls birthday party was going to be a
surprise.
No, I said (what chucklehead, I wondered, would give a surprise party for
an eight-year-old?). Why do you ask?
Because the invitation says Surprise, my friend explained, very nicely.
Yes, someone else chimed in. I wondered about that.
Oh, my gosh, really? Does it? No, I answered. its not a surprise! With all
the invitations I wrote, how did I manage not to see that? I did laugh it off,
but before long I raced home to look at the card. Sure enough, right at the
top, it says, SURPRISE!
I immediately sent an email to class parents, with the subject head, The
surprise is on ME:
Hello all somehow, I did not notice that our birthday-party invitation has
SURPRISE written on it.
How this is possible, I dont know but the party is NOT a surprise. Sorry.
What can I say? I feel like an idiot.
Hope to see you there! Gretchen
Im sure no one cares except to be relieved that theres no danger that
their seven- or eight-year-old is going to spill the beans but it rattled me
far more than it should have.
Why let it bother me? It was a silly mistake, but it made me feel defensive,
anxious, out of control.
I keep reminding myself of the commandment, Let it go. In the long run,
this doesnt matter at all. In the short run, this doesnt matter at all. In
fact, it will probably be a funny story that well be telling for twenty years.