AlternativeRelationships

(BoisWhoDateGirlsWhoSeeBois)

Overview
Polyamory,Monogamy,ConsensualNonmonogamy,Swinging,Master/slave,Dominant/Submissive,
Daddy/boyWewilldiscussavarietyofrelationshiptypesandhowtheyrereflectedindailylife.Whatdo
thesetermsmeaninyourlivesandrelationships?Whatresourcesareavailableforpeopleexploringthese
relationshiptypes?

Bio
ImafunlovingropegeekandsexeducatorwhohasfoundahomeintheMidwestkinkcommunity.WhenIm
nottravelingtoevents,IcontributetotheIowaStateUniversityCUFFSgroup,andserveontheboardof
MinneapolisTNGgroupMinKY.AlthoughImarelativelynewmemberofthescene,Ivepresentedat
numerouseventsacrossthecountry,includingKinkyKollege,Shibaricon,DenverBound,andBeyondLeather.
Asapresenter,Iaimtoprovideacomfortabledowntoearthlearningenvironmentforallgenders,
orientations,andexperiencelevels.
Mylonglistofpresentations,events,andclassmaterialscanbefoundathttp://www.kinkfriendly.org
Enjoyyourselves!
LqqkOut
lqqkout@kinkfriendly.org

ThisworkislicensedunderCreativeCommonsAttributionShareAlike3.0
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/bysa/3.0/

Introduction
Withinthekinkcommunity,weencounterahugenumberofrelationshipstylesandsexualidentities.Thelist
belowisincompleteandpresentedinnoparticularorder.Bychoosingoneitemfromeachofthesecategories,
youcancreate72,000combinations!Sincelabelsarerarelyadequatefordescribingonesself,thisisbuta
smallamountoftheinfinitepossibilities.
GenderIdentities
Transgender
Questioning
Intersex
Boi

Cisgender
Androgynous
Male
Grrl

Queer
GenderFluid
Female

SexualOrientation
Straight
Gay
Pansexual

Lesbian
Bisexual

Asexual
Heteroflexible

Kink/PowerExchange
Master/slave
Daddy/girl
Mommy/boy
Dominant/submissive

Mistress/slave
Mommy/girl
Switch
Sadist/Masochist

Vanilla
Daddy/boy
Owner/pet

NumberofPartners
PartneredNonmonogamy
Polyfidelity

Swinging
Monogamy

Polyamory
Nonmonogamy

LevelofInvolvement
Dating
Boyfriend/Girlfriend
Serious
Fuckbuddy

Spouse
HookingUp
GoingSteady
FriendswithBenefits

Lover
Partner
SignificantOther

Whilethereisnowaythatwecanunderstandthedynamicsinvolvedinallofthesecombinations,wehavean
amazingvarietywithinourcommunity.Byengagingothersandsharingourownexperiences,wecanwork
togethertounderstandwhateachpersonsrelationshipsandidentitiesmeantothem.

Goal
Thegoalofthisdiscussionistolearnmoreaboutourownandothersrelationshipsandsexualidentities.Itis
meanttobeaforumtoencourageunderstandingandanswerparticipantsquestions.
AlternativeRelationships

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GroundRules
Thisdiscussionreliesoneveryoneswillingnesstosharesomepotentiallypersonalinformationabouttheir
livesandrelationships.Assuch,pleaseobservethefollowingruleswhenparticipatinginthisdiscussion:
0.Modifytheserulesasneeded,agreeonthegroundrulesbeforecontinuing.
1.Treatyourselfandotherswithrespect.
2.Nobodyisobligatedtoparticipate.Shareonlyifyouarecomfortabledoingso.
3.Ownyourownfeelings.BeginsentenceswithIstatementsIfeelIbelieveInmyexperience,I
4.WhatmaybeRight,Real,orTruetoyoumaynotbethesameforsomeoneelse.Everyoneisentitledto
theirfeelingsandopinions,pleaserespectthatright.
5.Thisisaforumforpositiveengagementandcooperation.Provideconstructivefeedbackandask
clarifyingquestionsratherthanprovidingnegativecommentary.

QuestionstoConsider
Thesequestionsareheretogettheconversationstartedeveryonewhoattendedchosetocomefora
reason,whatwasit?
Whattypeofrelationshipareyouinnow?Howhasitevolvedovertime?
Haveyouidentifiedyourselforyourrelationshipdifferentlyinthepast?
Whataresomefeelingsyouassociatewiththevariousrelationshiptypes?Aresomefeelingsmoreappropriate
forcertainrelationshipsthanothers?
Mostrelationshipsrequireatleastsomeamountofwork,whataresomeoftheharderonestomaintain?
Haveyoueverstartedonestyleofrelationshipandthensettledintoanother?Howdidyouhandlethe
transition?
Howdoyouintegrateyourvariousidentities/relationshipsintoyourdailylife?Whataresomeofthelittle
thingsthathelpyoumaintainyoursanity/enjoyment/excitement/happiness?

Conclusion
Hopefullythisdiscussionhasbeenanopportunitytogainknowledgeof(andappreciationfor)thevarietyof
relationshipsandidentitiesinthekinkcommunity.Theconversationdoesntneedtostophere!Listedonthe
remainingpagesaresomeresourcesforfurtherexploration.
Thanksforsharing!
LqqkOut
lqqkout@kinkfriendly.org
AlternativeRelationships

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AppendixResources&Bibliography
GenderIdentities
Bornstein,Kate.MyGenderWorkbook:HowtoBecomeaRealMan,aRealWoman,theRealYou,or
SomethingElseEntirely.Routledge,1997.
Califia,Patrick.SpeakingSextoPower:ThePoliticsofQueerSex.CleisPress,2001.

SexualOrientation
OntheNet
TheHumanRightsCoalition
http://www.hrc.org
TheNationalGayandLesbianTaskForce
http://www.ngltf.org
Parents,Families,&FriendsofLesbiansandGays
http://www.pflag.org
InPrint
Garber,Marjorie.BisexualityandtheEroticismofEverydayLife.Routledge,2000.

Kristal,Nicole,andMikeSzymanski.TheBisexual'sGuidetotheUniverse:Quips,Tips,andListsforThoseWho
GoBothWays.AlysonBooks,2006.

Ochs,Robyn,andSarahRowley.GettingBi:VoicesofBisexualsAroundtheWorld.BisexualResourcesCenter,
2005.

Sincero,Jen.TheStraightGirl'sGuidetoSleepingwithChicks.Fireside,2005.

NumberofPartners
OntheNet
Polyamory?What,like,twogirlfriends?
http://www.xeromag.com/fvpoly.html

PolyamoryWeeklyResponsiblenonmonogamyfromakinkfriendlypansexualpointofview
http://polyweekly.com

LovingMore:NewModelsforRelationships
http://www.lovemore.com
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InPrint
Anapol,DeborahM.Polyamory:TheNewLoveWithoutLimits:SecretsofSustainableIntimateRelationships.
IntinetResourceCenter,1997.
Easton, Dossie, and Catherine A. Liszt. The Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities. Greenery
Press (CA), 1997.

Matik,WendyO.RedefiningOurRelationships:GuidelinesForResponsibleOpenRelationships.DefiantTimes
Press,2002.

Ravenscroft,Anthony.Polyamory:RoadmapsfortheClueless&Hopeful.CrossquarterPublishingGroup,2004.

Taormino,Tristan.OpeningUp:AGuidetoCreatingandSustainingOpenRelationships.CleisPress,2008.

Kink/PowerExchange
OntheNet
NationalCoalitionforSexualFreedom
http://www.ncsfreedom.org
LeatherArchivesandMuseum
http://www.leatherarchives.org
MastersAndslavesTogether
http://www.mast.net
InPrint
Abernathy,Christina.MissAbernathy'sConciseSlaveTrainingManual.GreeneryPress(CA),1998.

Bean,JosephW.Leathersex:AGuidefortheCuriousOutsiderandtheSeriousPlayer.DaedalusPublishing
Company,1994.

Dominguez,Ivo.BeneaththeSkins:TheNewSpiritandPoliticsoftheKinkCommunity.DaedalusPublishing
Company,1994.

Mains,Geoff.UrbanAboriginals.DaedalusPublishing,2002.

Rinella,Jack.PartnersinPower:LivinginKinkyRelationships.GreeneryPress(CA),2003.

Rubel,RobertJ.Protocols:Handbookforthefemaleslave.TheNazcaPlainsCorporation,2006.

Rubel,RobertJ.Master/slaveRelations:HandbookofTheoryandPractice.NazcaPlainsCorp,2007.

Thompson,Mark.Leatherfolk:RadicalSex,People,Politics,andPractice.DaedalusPublishing,2004.

Townsend,Larry.TheLeatherman'sHandbook.L.T.Publications,2006.

Warren,John.Safe,Sane,ConsensualandFun.GreeneryPress(CA),2002.
AlternativeRelationships

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