Jokes

Joke 1

Q: What kind of monster brings you chocolates and flowers before it eats you?

A: A Romanticore.

Joke 2

Q: What do you call a man with no arms and no legs laying in front of a door?

A: Matt

Joke 3

Q: What do you call a man with no arms and no legs floating in a lake?

A: Bob

Joke 4

Q: What do you call a man with no arms and no legs sitting in a hole?

A: Phil

Joke 5

Q: Why do dwarves have such big nostrils?

A: Because they have big fingers.

Joke 6

A horse walks into a bar and yells "Hey!".

Joke 9

An Ogre walks into a bar with flint and steel. The bartender lets him in but says, "Don't start anything".

Joke 10

Q: What is iritating, doesn't go away, and makes you miserable?

A: A lich (play on itch)

Joke 11

Q: why did the cockatrice cross the road?

A: someone ate the chicken.

Joke 12

Q: What did the peasant say to the angry witch?

A: "Ribbit."

Joke 14

Q: What do you call a one-armed and one-legged woman up against a wall?

A: Eileen.
Joke 15

A human, a half orc, a Fire Genasi and a Aasimar walk into a bar. The halfling walks under it.

Joke 16

What do you call 1 gnome at the bottom of the ocean? a problem

What do you call 10 gnomes at the bottom of the ocean? a problem

What do you call 1000 gnomes at the bottom of the ocean? a problem

What do you call EVERY SINGLE GNOME at the bottom of the ocean? problem solved.

Joke 17

A half-Orc walks into a bar, the bar tender says "We don't serve your kind here!"

The half orc responds "Thats good, I just wanted the mutton."

Joke 18

What did the courrier say when asked what his favorite armor type is? "I'm a mail man"

Joke 19

Q: What do you call a mountaintop guarded by rouges?

A: A Sneak peak

Joke 20

Q: Why do Paladins prefer chain mail?

A: Because its holey armour

Joke 21

Q: How do you know that Necromancer is a nerd?

A: He lives with his Mummy

Joke 22

Q: Why do dragons refuse to eat Paladins?

A: Because they taste Lawful

Joke 23

If a wild pig kills you, does it mean youve been boared to death?

Joke 24

Q: Why don't halflings plan for the future?

A: They're shortsighted!

Bad Jokes
Bad Joke 1

A barbarian, a rogue and a wizard are sitting in a sinking boat. The rogue is hiding so the barbarian throws the wizard
overboard.
Bad joke 2

A barbarian, a rogue and a wizard is sitting in a sinking boat. The rogue is hiding and the wizard teleports away, so
the barbarian jumps overboard himself.

Bad joke 3

A group of adventurers is trying to extract information from a farmer. They finally give up and begin to walk away.
Suddenly the wizard says, "I bet the pig could tell us what we need to know". The rogue then says, "Yea, I bet the
barbarian could talk to it also. they have the same inteligence

Bad Joke 4

Half the orcs in my town are in prison. As for the other half, just give them some time.

Bad Joke 6

What's the difference between a zombie and a politician? One is a brainless, useless waste of space, and the other
one is a zombie.

Bad Joke 7

An adventurer walks in to a crowded tavern to gather information. When he sits down at his table, a fat woman
opposite says, "You know, if you were a gentleman, you'd stand up and let someone else sit down." The adventurer
responds with, "If you were a lady, you'd stand up and let four people sit down."

Bad Joke 8

"Mommy, why are we pushing the carriage off the cliff?"

"Be quiet, you'll wake your father."

Bad Joke 9

What is the easiest way to kill two dragons? Throw a platinum piece in between them and watch them fight to the
death.

Bad Joke 10

A barmaiden is good for 71 things: Cooking, Catering, and 69.

Bad Joke 11

Q: Why did the goblin cross the road?

A: He didn't, he only got halfway before the dwarves tagged him

Bad Joke 12

Q: What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?

A: Getting attacked by a red dragon.

Bad Joke 13

Q: What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?

A: Finding a wyrm in your apple.

Bad Joke 14

Q: Why did the child drop his lollypop?

A: Because he was hit by a carriage.

Bad Joke 15
Two dwarves walk out of a pub.

Bad Joke 16

A: Old people at weddings tap me on the shoulder and say your next. So i started doing the same at funerals

Bad Joke 17

Q: What does a Lava Child call its mother?

A: Magma.

Bad Joke 18

Q: What's red and invisible?

A: No tomatoes.

Bad Joke 20

A Noblewoman walks into a bar. A knight asks, "Why did you deserve the title 'Noble'?" The Noblewoman responds,
"It's just one thing we are that you aren't."

Yo Mumma Joke
Yo mamma is so ugly when she tried to join an ugly contest they said, "Sorry, no professionals."

Yo momma's so fat and old when Pelor said, "Let there be light," he asked your mother to move out of the way.

Yo momma's so fat, that when she fell, no one was laughing but the ground was cracking up.

Yo momma so stupid she starved an illithid

Yo momma so easy I rolled a 1 and still hit it

Yo mama so fat her size category is DAAAAAMN.

Yo mama so fat, it takes Greater Teleport to backstab her.

Yo mama so fat, she has to use Bags of Holding as underpants.

Yo mama so ugly, she made Vecna pull out his other eye.
Pickup Lines

Are those Astral pants you're wearing? Because your ass looks out of this world

Maybe it's just your charm spell, but your hotness is overcoming my fire resistance.

Are you a wizard? Because I was just enchanted

Is that your new spell, Stunning Jugs, or is it all natural?

Do you want to find out how to soften my Immovable Rod?

Do you wanna see MY Lance of Faith?

I must be a Displacer Beast because I will be beside myself if you don't come home with me tonight.

Are you a cleric? Because you look divine.

Are you a monk? Because you look stunning.

Are you a rogue? Because you've stolen my heart.

Hey girl, are you a wizard? 'Cuz you cast a spell on me.

Hey girl, are you a sorcerer? 'Cuz a face that pretty must be innate, not learned.

Hey girl, are you a bard? 'Cuz you're plucking at my heartstrings.

Hey girl, are you a barbarian? 'Cuz your style is all the rage.

Hey girl, You must be a fighter, because that's some great cleavage!

Hey girl, are you a cleric? 'Cuz you make me feel healed.

Hey girl, are you a medusa? 'Cuz you're making me hard.

Hey girl, are you a rebel drow house? 'Cuz you're causing a stir in my underdark...

Hey girl, are you looking for a bag of holding? 'Cuz I've got a bag you can hold...

Hey girl, I hope you're a druid, 'cuz this animal wants to be...handled.

Hey girl, I hope you're not a monk, since I'm tired of hands.

Hey girl, want my Rod of Pleasure?

Hey girl, *uses mage hand* I've got magic fingers...

Hey girl, what do elves, drow, dwarfs, halflings, humans, dragonborn, tieflings, orcs and goblins have in common?
They can all vouch for me in bed.

Ever been with a rogue? We like to do it from behind.

Hey girl, I hope you're a Lawful Good Paladin, because I always wanted to try anal.

Hey girl, are you a succubus? 'Cuz Im getting the need to fuck you.

Limerick
1

T'was once a dragon of old,

who sat on a trove of gold;

A thief tried to steal,

but due to his zeal,

his failures linger untold.

An angsty young gnome, named Finn,

could barely come up to her chin.

The wench sighed "Ill Cut you some slack,

I will lay on my back,

So you can easily let yourself in."

I once knew an elven wizard

Who summoned a mighty blizzard

I could only respond

With my polymorphing wand

So I turned him into a lizard

Damian's a great bard for hire

Whom all the fair maidens desire

He's quick with his wits

When not falling into pits

And now he just needs his own squire

You've managed to down our fighter

and the battle is now a bit tighter

But I'm sorry to say

I still have heals to play

And the mood has now gotten lighter