[ALL ABOUT SIAOMOUSE] May 3, 2006

Posted: Wed May 03, 2006 1:22 am

I will start blogging here.
Do expect lots of typos & grammar mistakes, but it won't be those that will kill you.
Be warn! Read at your own peril! Resistance is futile!

DISCLAIMER!
I, SIAOMOUSE, CRAPPY AUTHOR OF THIS BLOG CANNOT BE HOLD RESPONSIBLE OR SUE BY ANYONE
WHO SUFFER ANY DISTRESS FROM READING MY SHITTY WRITINGS!
TO THOSE THAT DON'T OR REFUSE TO AGREE, STOP READING NOW OR SUFFER THE CONSEQUENCES!
THE CHOICE IS YOURS & NOT FORCE UPON YOU BY ANY MEANS!
Note: If you die after reading my crappy writings, at most, I will sent flowers to your funeral & if you wanna
be ghost come haunt me, better get ready sure strike 4D or TOTO numbers cos I will be sure to pester from
any ghost as it's my SOP!

Posted: Wed May 03, 2006 1:32 am

I have quite a numbers of hobbies... & I'm going to confess(oh, fark! There goes my reputation as a Nasty
Barbarian!) that one of my favourite is READING!
Yeah... you know... read books... yep, those thingies with pages & pages of texts, you know?
Read about any damn thing or subjects. Right... imagine a cao ahbeng saying that...
Not comic or what they call graphic novels nowadays. No, not porn material either.
Even though my close friends won't believe I don't have any at home.... Nabei!
No porn VCD or DVD either.
Ok... you can start laughing now... & scorning if you wish. Go on, suan me. I'm so used to it already.
Done? Finish?
Ok, I knew that many sg people hate to read or read only for the sake of school or work.
You can stop reading my writings now if you hate reading cos it's going to be lengthy.
Don't say I didn't warn you hor... please read my disclaimer above at my 1st post.

continue the crappy confession...

Let me tell you some of my life history. *Yawn...* Go on... you can yawn. It's perfectly fine with me.
By now, I'm just too thick skin to care about others opinion of me.
Ok... Let skip my first 12 years of childish pranks, fighting, school public caning, tearing of girls dress(Still
doing that, but at the insistence of them now), pulling girls hair(They won't let me anymore), runaway from
home & all those crazy stuff that normal wimpy, mother-pet kids nowadays won't or scare to do.
Hey! I didn't said I'm normal... I was way way beyond naughty.... more of those out-on-the-edge type.
Come PSLE... needless to said, I failed miserably... think I'm joking?
Of course I didn't feel any damn thing at that time lah!
I don't give a damn, dude.... I'm so outta school! Yipee! Free from those caning! FREEDOM!
Never continue my education... went to work by the age of 13.
WATCH OUT WORLD! HERE I COME READY OR NOT!
KNN... What an ignorant, arrogant & egotistic young punk I was.... pui! If I see my younger self now, I will
slap him silly!

Let also skip the next few eventful years of street education of every color.... swearing/cursing(who wanna
try out-sweating me in many language?), smoking, drinking, 'peian water'(gangsters fighting to you civilised
people), gambling or be 'see water'(act as watchout lor), be runner or debt collector, sexing... etc, etc.
 [ALL ABOUT SIAOMOUSE] May 3, 2006

I learn alot & am nearly fearless, but somehow I still feel unsatisfactory equip for the world at large. I'm
going to conquer the world, right? KNS leh...
Before went into NS, found out that w/o good command of English, I ain't going anywhere.
With inadequately info or knowledge, I will be stuck forever!
People used to tease me about my poor education or lack of skills.
Took a hard look at fact of life & face the ugly, hurtful truth.
Didn't I said I'm nearly fearless? I'm also fearless when it come to this... conquering myself!

A friend once told me, nearly everything can be found or learn from books & revenge will be sweet after
accumulating those.
So I started planning on my revenge... by reading up on anythings that I came across.
After which, I was so hooked on reading trying to find out more & more, I'd forgotten whom I'm gonna do
my revenge on....
Oh, fark it, manz! Where got time? There're so much to read & learn!
That was how I came into this bookworm reading geeky habit, but it's not easy.
Imagine, my looks machiam a gangster.... tall, dark, tough & ugly.
Open mouth is "KNNBCCB! You go where die liao!" < No offence, but it just like you civilised folks greet
each other "good morning" or "How are you?" kinda thingie.
Just a habit, but no longer. I'm an cultured Cao AhBeng now.... LOLZ!
With my barbaric behaviour & looks, who in the right mind will believe that one of my favourite hobbies is
reading?!?
or that I knew more general knowledge or info than many people who look like nerd/geeks.
When I tell people of this hobby of mine, their eyes always went wide with disbelieve.
I talk nonsense & bullshit most of the time. Never serious... happy go lucky... bloody nasty... just look at my
postings here!
You believe me? Nah.... I can see the doubts in your eyes already.
Ok... think you better stop reading before your image of me as a cao ahbeng is all destroyed!
Well... if you want me to be a cao ahbeng, no problem. It's my legacy after all.
Pua Choo Kang the total fake you watch on TV is a wimpy gay when compare to me.

By now, read over 10s of thousand of books on many various subjects, fiction & none-fiction.
You name it, most probably I had read something on it.
After reading so much, I trained myself to think more profoundly & with imagination.
With enough knowledge & imagination, nearly every aspect of life can be overcome.
No, I haven't forgotten about the money factor.
Of course you need money lah & money is always not enough for me lor...
Why you think I dare ask ghost for numbers leh!
Used to own about 500+ book at home till I ran out of space.
Sold or gave away almost all of them, except for some subjects which are dear to me.
I treasure books & love visiting bookstores.
Whenever I walk into a bookstore, staff & security guards sure look at me fishy all the time.
Followed me everywhere I went, check every book I touched! Nabei...
Once I triggered the alarm walking into a bookstore, whole tons of security devices plus their guards aimed
at me.
I just collected(from post office) a documentary DVD from oversea with the stupid anti-theft device still
attached.
The online store which I bought from, had forgotten to remove it before they ship to me.
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The bookstore people find it difficult to believe that it belong to me. Though maybe is porn in disguise....
can't really blame them.
Luckily that title wasn't available locally.... so they let me off. Maybe due to me KPKB all the time.
I bought many documentary DVDs, mostly from oversea. From eBay... it's cheaper with much more
varieties.
To date, local bookstores have limited subjects.... crappy!
But even after reading so much, my spellings still sux! Still need a dictionary to spell correctly... bloody hell.
It grief me to think that I took a long time to wrote all this lousy shit & I'm damn lazy type!
KNN! What the fark am I doing this? Self-torture I think.
Ok... Back! Down, you monsters, stay down!
Now... back to my normal crappy nonsensical self... lesson in suspense of disbelieve is over, folks.

*Wave hand Jedi style*

"You ain't reading any of this bullshit. Forget all the filth you just read."
"SiaoMouse is a nasty, uncouthly cao barbaric AhBeng."
"Btw, before you do anything else, tranfer some money into my bank account."
What? You think works for free, Jedi do? Don't, TV or movies, too much watch! Rot your brain, they will.
Some more you protect. Put back all those crap you just read, I will! More foolish, you will become!

Posted: Wed May 10, 2006 5:03 am

My other hobbies... Damn! I'm going broke having too many hobbies!
Really have to strike TOTO 1st prize soon!
or gonna find a sugar mummy. Preferably a young & pretty one....
Lets summarize...

1: Pretty Girls.
Hey, can't help it if they all wanna chase me, right?
I didn't do a snatch & run with their purse hor.... just their hearts.
If all of them are pretty, can I complain?
If they wanna give me their body in the process, as a gentleman, I can't refuse can I?
Rule #1: Always check their IC.
Rule #2: Don't ever get them pregnant! This one big trouble!
Rule #3: No other rule.
Had never beaten a girl before & will not want to. That's all I can promise.
They treat me nice, I treat them nice. Fair is fair, right?
If cannot stand me, will ask them sitting down on me. If not get lost.
I'm a rude AhBeng mah! Have to maintain my reputation leh!
Lost count of how many girlfriends I had before.... hmmm... nevermind. Past is past liao.

2: Play Online FPS Games(First Person Shooter).

Hey noob! You are pwned, lamer! I just love any game with guns!
Lots of firefights & explosion! I just love to kill! Frag may be a more gentle way to put it.
But who the fark care! I'm a rowdy AhBeng! KILL! KILL! KILL! Yeah!
Played Doom, Quake, Unreal Tournaments, many others & now Battlefield.
I will only play online with people. Won't play with bots(Computer AI to you oldies). Boring.
People... hah... kill them & they gets irritated. Kill them too many times & they get frustrated.
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That's when you see their real characters surfacing.

Almost all people wear a mask when interacting daily with others in real life.
Online, safely anonymously behind their computer, they are more daring in revealing their true nature.
This will appear more true in exciting game, esp. games with lots of stress.... like fighting or wars.
There's a saying that it's only in time of heavy stress, people will reveal their true nature which will be
hidden at normal time.
Many online hardcore gamers appear to be angels when you see them in real, but when they are online,
many turn out to have rotten attitude.
Selfish, egotistic bully, glory-seeking self-center wannabe heros, nitpicker, whining wimps who always think
that the whole world own them something are just some examples.
Manz... I love to hit those. Make them lost their cool. Blast their ego to bits.
Oh... didn't I tell you? At my age, much older than most online gamers, I'm damn good at FPS.
I will be the one kicking butts most of the time.... Waaaaahahahahahaaaaaa!!!!
Another bonus is, my current darling, love playing online games too.
We will be both online together knocking down those lamers.
Well... she's sweet & pretty offline, but hell of a crazy girl online! Don't play like a girl, more like guy style.
She love guns, tanks... fighting machines! Sometime I wonder about her....
So far... after 4 years, she's still nice, honest, loyal & honourable which I really love.

Ok... these above 2 hobbies are more of the Ahbeng types.

Later for some none-Ahbeng ones. I'm very versatile, ok! Don't play play hor.

Posted: Fri May 12, 2006 3:34 am

After reading too much dry dry non-fiction books, sian liao. Nowadays tend to read more fiction.
Used to read many types of fiction, except those love stories ones.
Science fiction are the only ones that can hold my attention for long.
Sci-fi with their imaginary worlds allow my creative thoughts to flow freely.
Since I am quite the footloose wandering soul, sci-fi allow me to explore more & further.
In a harsh world of too much constrain, I like to escape now & then.

Most of the sci-fi books I read are by great masters.

Superb writers, stories tellers, great thinkers or philosophers & some are scientists in real life.
They created imaginary worlds with their own unique cultures & social habits.
Most of these created worlds parallel our own cos those authors used their stories telling abilities to make
fun or critize the world of today.
Some stories are visions of the oncoming future or warning to the human race of forthcoming problems we
may face.
These authors are great teachers, teachers of ways of life & how it should be live.
Many of their works are similar to a lesson, a teaching or a warning.
Most of them deal with human behaviour, psychology or human weakness & strong points.
About human cultures or social possibilities & challenges..
Also dealing in what cause changes or what problems will arise.
Essentially, they are teachers preparing the world for a greater future, warning where we would go wrong,
point out today's problem & trying to solve them.
Some are alternate worlds of history what-if.
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Favourite authors which I had completed reading all their works are:
Robert A. Heinlein - deceased.
Isaac Asimov - deceased.
Sir Arthur C. Clarke - deceased.
Frank Herbert - deceased.
Poul William Anderson - deceased.

Finished all their books & awaiting new ones from them.
Larry Niven
Jerry Pournelle
Joe Haldeman
Philip Jose Farmer
Harry Harrison
SM Stirling
David Drake

Hopefully these few still living will write more works cos they are very old men already!
*Cross fingers & toes!*

Posted: Tue May 16, 2006 8:18 pm

Now, to continue on my hobbies... non-ahbeng ones.

Plastic Modelling - My first hobby. 2nd, if sleeping is counted as a hobby.

Plastic models lah! KNS lah! Not those chiobu models on the catwalk lah!
Yalah, yalah, I don't mind doing those also lah!
Nabei... you know what's Airfix, right? Not toys lah.. you brainless kns leh!
Toys is you buy & play like masak! Model kits is you buy, assemble & paint for display only! Play will break
it, you kuku dumbwit!
Knn... You break anything I build, you better run as far as possible cos I'm gonna hurt you real bad!
Airfix is an old brand of model kits, but people always refer plastic modelling as making Airfix!
or worse, as toys....

When I was young, my father used to do ships. Cruise ships, liners, battleships, carriers & some aircraft.
Plastic modelling had being around for a long time(since early 1950s').
This hobby involved too many different skills & knowledge.... Handicraft skills, artistic talent & lots of
reading up on various subjects.
It's not easy to be good in this hobby. Many took it up, but failed.
Many gave up, then tell people is a waste of time playing with toys or it's a kid's hobby... talk about sour
grapes. PUI!
Model kits, unbuilt, comes in many pieces of raw color(mainly grey), molded plastic.
Have to be glue together, putty(patch with filler) the seams or gaps, sand the putty smooth to match the
surrounding & paint.
Have to paint all parts, down to the tiniest details, before & after assembly.
Apply the decals(stickers to many of you, but they ain't sticker actually) for those markings on vehicles.
Then apply weathering to simulate wear & tear or used conditions to make them look realistic instead of a
shining toy.
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That's just the general process of doing up a model kit properly.

Actually, there're much much more involve than just that & I won't go into details as it will bored many to
death.
The idea is to produce a small replica of an actual vehicle or a building as closely as possible to scale &
looks when compare to the real ones.
Plastic modelling is a very time consuming hobby. Need lots of patience.
With people going for instant gratification, many kits nowadays come in painted plastic for ease of
assembly.
It's a marketing strategy by kit manufacturer to lure those who want to take up this hobby, but lack the
time & skills.
Need to just cut out the pieces & snap together. Don't need glue or paint.
Many come with decal applied or with stickers.... ya... really is stickers! Nabei...
Self-consolation to those who can't do it the proper ways. Blah! Look like toys when completed.
Even on these new kits, I still do the full process with them. No bloody non-skill short cuts for me!

Took up this hobby at age 10. Used China Panda glue & Great Earth paints. Fix up models to play.
Chinese New Year come along, stuck firecracker rockets on planes & fly them. They flew beautifully.... solo
flight only. =P
Stop this hobby in my teens due to other commitments & NS. Came back again in my mid 20s.
Get quite serious about it this time round, buying proper equipments, books or reference materials & done
up a little work place.
Accumulated 1000s of unbuilt model kits & hundreds of books in a few short years. That was the crazy
period.
In the beginning, only build military models like aircraft, tanks, battleships, etc, etc.
Build one car & one motorbike model & that's it. Hate those 2 subjects.
Later discovered sci-fi or anime kits, dropped all military stuff, except a very few which I'm attached to very
much.
I prefer sci-fi or anime cos they allow me to let my imagination go wild.
Can't do that in military modelling as they're real subjects & have to follow realistic standards. No crazy
ideas allow!
A number of years ago, when my collection of unbuilt kits amounted to more than 3000+, I took a grip on
myself & face reality.
What am I doing with this mountain of plastic?!? Can't possibly build them all even if I live to 300 years old!
Using them as my funeral pyre when my time comes is not an option or I will do it!
Came to my senses & start selling them off cheaply in lots.
Today, what I have are just a couple of hundreds. Am still buying some new kits, but a very selectively few.

In this hobby, fortunate that I had good handicraft skills & some artistic talent.
Build 100s of them, displayed them in model shops & many were sold.
Typically, hobbyist modellers will refuse to sell what they made. It's sorta of pride they have for their hobby.
I'm of a entire different mentality. Sold many of my works, at the right price(not very high), of course.
Still regretted that many were sold off even before I had time to take photo of them(last time no hp
camera or digital camera leh).
Most of those who come into this hobby are nice types of guys, typically geeks, whom are totally opposite
in characters from an ahbeng me.
In the beginning, many are skeptic that I can do well in this till I show them my P.O.W.E.R. as a handicraft
master & a artist.
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They got a rude shock that a crude ahbeng can outdo them in this hobby & upset the perspective of their
geeky world. =P
Many despised me for showing them the light, but they have to resign to fate.
Fated that an ahbeng was gifted with handicraft, artistic talents & who love to read. Heehee....
When I was active in local plastic modelling scene, those geeks get back at me by banning me from joining
any local competition... CB sore losers!!!
Their reason been that I'm classed as a commercial model builder.
Oh well... had to admit I'm good enough to do it commercially, did free-lancing as a commercial modeller &
later(much later), worked for 2 commercial model making companies.
Established quite a reputation as a modeller & the only ahbeng modeller around.
I can walk into any local model shops & even the newer batch of modellers will know or heard of me even
though i don't mix with modellers anymore.
Really boost my ego tremendously! Haahaahaa...
Hey! I'm not one with false modesty, ok! Limbei is egotistic Beng wor!
I know, I know... you won't believe me. Who the fark care as long as the fact is still out there.
NO! Forget it! I'm not going to tell you my real name!
If you ever meet my darling in real as some of you had, ask her. She had seen those occasions before.

This hobby is mostly a guy thing. Never yet meet a girl who is good at this.
Almost all guys who are in this hobby face a similar problem.... girlfriend or wife.
Their girlfriend or wife will nag at them regarding their hobby.
Saying thing like... it's for kids or It's not a respectful hobby like golf or why are you wasting time & money
on this instead of on me? Blah, blah blah & blah....Knn!!!
That's them geeks problem, not mine.
Me, if any of my girls make any noise regarding my hobbies, I tell them this > "I played this hobby longer
than I played you! So STFU! Buay song, Take a walk!"
Women can have many many pairs of shoes or whole wardrode of clothes & yet I never did complain.
Wanna complain about my hobbies? Go die lah... many girls still waiting to chase me leh.
So far, never had any problem from my girls, past & present, regarding this issue.
Call me MCP or whatever. Limbei bo chap lah!

I am now fortunate to have a sweet & pretty girl who know how to appreciate this hobby.
She done up one model kit, but her work doesn't gave her enough time for more.
Mainly, she collect 'toys' which are nicely done up as replicas or display items, not for playing.
Weapons, tanks, aircraft, battleships, dragons & figure of girls... no, not barbie dolls... she hate wimpy
Barbie & she don't go for guys figures much.
She collected quite alot of military hardwares, dragons & girl figures.
Figures of sexy, scantily clad or nude girls are her favourite.
Girls with weapon, fierce warrior girls, anime(Japanese cartoon to those who are still unfamiliar with this
term) girl or hentai(Japanese anime nudes lah).... yep, figures of sexy naked girls.
Whenever we are together buying those sexy figures, people always assume that it's me who collect them.
Typically, it's guys who collect those lor.... geeks, perverts, otaku...
At first, no one believe that the pretty girl at my side is the one collecting those figures.
Now, I told her to go ask or pay for those items herself. Not that I'm pai say or what.
I look perverts enough w/o needing that kind of assumption! Nabei.... spoil my nice clean guy reputation!
Should see those male shopkeeper face change color or turn funny when they realised that she's the one
who are collecting those nude figures!
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Seeing them lost for words is priceless when they tried explaining to her that certain sexy figures can be
strip of their dress or certain figures is total naked or with panty underneath their dress.
Their faces change a different color when she buy collectable dragons figures or military weapons!
Really made them wonder... Hahaha... Real funny shit!

Now, I am semi-retired from plastic modelling. Had my fun. Been there, done it.
I will continue this hobby one day, at a lower profile, after settling certain life problems(life always
interfere, dammit!).
Ok, now you can stop your suspension of disbelief. Go ahead, called me a Toa Pao(big cannon).
Maybe my online album will change your mind. Linky below.
http://s19.photobucket.com/albums/b197/SiaoMouse/

Posted: Tue May 16, 2006 8:23 pm

Photography - From hobby to work.

I was interested in photography when I was young, but too poor to get a camera of my own.
My father was a working photographer once, in his long list of careers.
He used to own a twin lens old fashion top viewer Rolleiflex complete with carrying case.
I remember him using this camera to take black & white photo of us kids when I was very young.
We were living in a kampong then & he was the only one in the village with a camera.
Taking photo is his hobby, but we were very poor at that time & film is expensive.
So he rarely indulge in his hobby & kampong condition is not the best place to preserve those negative
which he took.
Broke his heart when those film he took deteriorate...
He used that cam till the film size for it went out-of-production.
It need a 220 or 127 size film which are not longer in production for a long time.
By the time I show interest in photography, the Rolleiflex had became just a collector item.
Before I can afford a camera, I fooled around with it, learning the operation of a camera.
All manual... where got those full-auto point & shoot leh...
It was in my late teen that I can finally buy a camera... a simple fully manual, rangefinder Yashica , a 35 mm
film camera.
Can't remember how much it cost me, but I recalled that it took me nearly half a year to save up for it.
I was working as a storeman then & pay wasn't high.
Played with the Yashica for a few years before I sold it & bought a film SLR, a Canon AE-1.

In my early 20s', got a job as an apprentice photographer in a local photo studio.

Pay was only $180 & have to use my own cam!!!
Also have to withstand scoldings from boss & be a general worker, eg: buy kopi, clean up/tidy the studio &
darkroom, run errands, etc, etc...
Imagine nowadays youngster working by such pay & with such conditions?
They just go to any art school for a couple of years, major in photography, get a bloody cert... then tell
people that they are PROFESSIONAL PHOTOGRAPHER! PUI! PUI! PUI!!!
There was one incident, many years down the line from my apprentice days.
This 'how lian' professional photographer share a photo studio with the company I worked for.
He just came back from USA with a cert for majoring in photography at an art college there.
Sibei big deal leh... US of A college photography cert wor!
He always boasting about it & looking down on any photographers w/o a cert.
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Tried teaching me the theories of photography. I listened politely, of course... me ahbeng dunno theories
mah!
How to match against someone with a cert leh?
One day, he have a project from his client.
To shoot a pix of their product, which is a new brand of mineral water, against a poster background(No
have Adobe PhotoShop at that time).
He spend 3 days.... 3 days of figuring how to shoot it.... KNS!
Done lots of test shots, but couldn't get it right. My boss was royally fed-up by then.
On the 4th day, I told this USA graduated certify professional photographer that I can do what his client
wanted.
Told him I will do it for $50 & in 15 min. My condition: Money upfront first & I will lock up the studio when I
do the shots.
Cocky swine laughed & sarcastically told me that if he can't do it when he have a cert & I can?
Told him he got nothing to lose what. If I can't do it, he will get his money back & he had already wasted 3
days, what's 15 more min leh?
Furthermore, his client's deadline was nearly up.
In the end, he gave me the $50 & told me to take 30 min.
I walked out of the studio in less than 15 min, handed him the test shot & asked, "Is this the result that
your client wanted?"
He was flabbergasted, shocked into realizing an ahbeng photographer just bested him, cert or no cert...
Easiest $50 I ever made! Haaahahaaaa...!!!
Limbei ahbeng never respect cert, only skill, experience, abilities or talent.

Ok, back to my first job as a photographer.

Assignments in that company were mostly companies events or functions, seminar, sport or nature... sort
of like press photography.
No, no passport or wedding pixs... not those normal HDB shop photo studios.
Clients were mostly magazine publishers or consultant firms.
My boss was an ex-Strait Times press photographer & I got to know many newspaper or press
photographers then.
At that time, this boss was a compulsive alcoholic & a gambling addict.
When he was on assignments for clients at companies events which have free drinks, he will end up
drunk!!!
It was so bad that his loyal clients who knew of his condition refused to let him go on assignments for them.
They will asked for me to handle their assignments.
End up, it was me who actually took most of the company projects.
Pay still sux, boss stingy, so I quit after 1+ year.
Learn a lot of press photography tricks from that experience as an apprentice.
Fast, accurate & nicely compose photo is the trick of this trade.
If you have a full-auto digital cam & me with a fully manual SLR film cam, wanna see who can shoot faster
& more accurately?
With a Nikon FM-2 or FE-2, I will beat any auto digital cam in speed shooting, any time. =P
I see nowadays people with full-auto, point & shoot cam still taking donkey years to take a simple pix!
*Vomit blood!*

Next photography job after my apprenticeship was with a commercial advertising studio.
That's when I came into the world of fashion, product, food, aerial & all sort of photography done for
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commercial advertisements or promotion purposes.

That's also when I learned about medium & large format cameras.
Most people, including hobbyists, used or are familiar with small format cam.... like the 35 mm types.
In commercial advertising photography, we used mostly medium & large format cam, eg: film size of 120, 4
x 5 or 8 x 10.
Camera brand like Rollei, Hasselblad, Mamiya, Toyoview, Sinar or Linhof are common.
We do occasionally use 35 mm, but only for catwalk/runway fashion or aerial shots.
I love aerial & fashion photography!

Aerial Photography!!! > Get to ride in helicopter!

Shooting yacht racing, power boats racing, ships.. is best!
Machiam going into combat in chopper gunship as MG gunner at the doorway!
Ya, no door... always must took out doors of chopper's cabin like those you see in combat esp those
Vietnam war footage.
Sit on chopper cabin floor, feet resting on ski of chopper, safety belt attached to cabin wall, helmet with
radio to pilot, 35 mm cam with motordrive, special cam backpack of 250 frames of film & long telefoto len
mounted on monopod like machine-gun...
There was once a funny occasion. It's a windsurfing competition.
My chopper pilot was a Vietnam war veteran used to flying dangerous combat missions at low treetop
level.
When he learned that he was to fly photography flight & doors of chopper was to be removed, he was
overjoy!
Said that it remind him of his combat missions & he missed those kind of flying.
Most clients who chartered helicopter want slow & steady flight. Rich folks kaisi mah...
In aerial sport photography, you have to do the chase, bank fast & go in low.
CHARGE!!! INTO BATTLE WE FLY! AIRBORNE FOREVER!!!
BANDITS AT 9 O'CLOCK! CIRCLE THE TARGET! FIRE AT WILL! SHOOT! SHOOT! SHOOT!
At the start of the event, the chopper in went too low... about less than 50 feet above the waves.
Flatten all windsurfers nearby! Waaaahahahahaaaa...
The officials was royally piss! Had to restart the competition.... The pilot got a dressing down.
Told me later he don't give a shit cos he truly enjoyed that flight. Also told me to ask for him again if
there're such assignments again. Heehee...
Manz.... I love that kind of photography!

Fashion shots > Many pretty & sexy female models to beo...
Nudes? Aiya... no big deal. Seen many lor... heehee.
Once I was sorta official photographer to a big local model agency.
That agency's club is a disco at Orchard Road.
Free for all the agency's models & company's clients. I get to go there free too.
Played with models every night... no, not the gays ones. I'm straight.
Take it from me that most male models are gays.... yuck!
They will be the ones going to gym to be admire by other gays.
That's why I won't go gym... they're gays' favourite hangouts.
Anyway, at the club, very few real guys. Very many pretty & sexy girls!
Always surrounded by or taking pixs of pretty girls kinda spoiled me.
That's why I don't do wedding or so-called makeover photography. Can't choose & pick your subjects.
For all the photography skills or equipments in the world, no way to turn a ugly hippo into a swan lah.
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Forget what you heard about photographer being able to do it. It's a myth.
I knew many amateur or hobbyist photographers love to use that myth to get girls.
When I was a working photographer, many girls asked to take pixs of them.
They will be very insistent that I write down their name & phone numbers.
When many guys had trouble getting girls phone numbers, but here I am with so much contacts & so little
time.
or "Hey, you a photographer? My friend/relative is getting married. Can you take..."
NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! I don't do weddings or anyhow take pix just cos you are a girl!
I take pixs of pretty girls only hor! That's how choosy I am cos of my experiences in fashion photography.

Nice experiences in this trade are many & sometime, get to go on oversea assignments.
Certain matters still piss me off like some clients' behaviour.... esp Sinkaporean!
Those clients who think cos they're boss & that made them the most intelligent person on Earth!
Worse are those who think that way & took photography as a hobby.
They will proceed to teach you how to shoot their product or location.
Then lecture you on the theories of photography & which camera is best.
Will also tell you where is the correct position to place the lightings & camera.
Well, I just let them cos it's them paying the money anyway.
Nice shots or not, it's their say. Who am I to argue with money?
I will politely suggest, but if they still want it their way... ok lor.
Funny thing will happen when they asked to look into the viewfinder.
When they can't find where to look....
Client: " Hey? Where's the viewfinder ar?"
Me: (if the cam is a medium format) " Er... it's at the top of cam."
(if it's a large format cam) " You got to look inside the black bag attached to the back of the cam."
Inevitably the same old thing will happen...
Client, in a very loud voice: "Oie? How come your cam view is torbalek(upside down) one?!?"
Bloody idiot amateurs... best thing is they sometime make a fool of themselves in front of their staff.
Note: Most medium or large format cam which pro photographer use do not come with a prism SLR
viewfinder.
It's just a piece of ground glass which light from the lens go or reflect directly to.
That's why the image is upside down or flipped unlike a prism SLR viewfinder which right the image for you.
There're prism SLR viewfinder available for certain medium format cam, but I'm use to seeing torbalek view.

During the period as a photographer, I went through the change from film to digital.
The two advantage I like about digital cam is no need to waste money on film & instant viewing of shots
taken.
Before digital cam technology, mostly it's medium or large format that can do test shots.
Those test shots waste money cos they are actually instant films like Polaroid or Fuji ones.
Even with those test shots, it's not 100% fool proof as instant film properties are different from
trans(medium format slide) which pro photographers used.
With film cam, even after test shots, we need to blanket a number of actual shots on film.
Blanketing in photography trade mean to shoot a number of different exposures on the same set-up
subject.
Now with digital cam, all those problems are solved.
Can have instant viewing of what I shot or delete & try again if no good.
No need to blanket. No wastage of films or guesswork or mistake.
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With the rapid advance in digital cam, no longer need to carry bulky cam & equipments.
At one time, only medium format digital cam is useable for commercial standards.
Now, any digital cam that have over 5 megapixels will do nicely.
Since I'm not working as a photographer anymore, but I still wanted to have commercial standard shots.
Thanks to digital cam, I can do it with a small & light cam.
It's damn silly carrying a medium format digital cam around, you know?
Damn bloody heavy & need a laptop to operate it properly.
Only amateurs or hobbyist love carry lots of equipments just to show that they are pro....
Wah lau... I'd seen so many in those public fashion shows...
They come with huge bags, digital SLR, long freaking tele lens(dunno why they need that, shooting models
on a catwalk. Mebbe wan close-up of their pimples?), big tripod, foldable mini ladder..... crazy amateurs.
Me? I'm too lazy lah.... been there, done it.... even when I'm working, I don't carry so much. No need what.
Stupid hobbyists.

Things I hate about digital cams......

Now, if I want to shoot, I will use my darling's Nikon Coolpix 5700, a hi-end consumer digital cam.
What I hate about those small format digital cam is that they have too much totally useless features!
Had to click through so many stupid settings before I can get what I want!
Sometime get so piss off at those stupid point & shoot inaccuracy that I screamed at the stupid thing!
Auto features almost always get it wrong & manual settings take too long time to adjust!
I'm still praying for a small format digital camera with just the basic features for fast shooting.
What you need in a cam? Shutter speed, aperture, film speed(ISO), fast auto-focusing on center weight
with lock, PLEASE! & auto-light metering on center weight with lock, PLEASE!
Ok, I will do the rest myself... no thanks, you stupid KPO-ing KNNCCB of a lousy cam computer!!!
Bloody hell... if I want any digital image adjustments, PhotoShop is my favourite tool.
One thing I must have in a digital cam is a LCD screen that can swivel.
I know... many amateurs love the feel of a SLR & when need to shoot from very low angles, flat on their
tummy they go... make them feel like pro... blah!
What I want is convenience. Swivelling LCD screen is PERFECT!
I can shoot from any angle I want w/o needing to make a fool of myself in awkward body positions.
May like the Canon PowerShot 620, reviewed here & here, but have to check it out.
Hey, you can called it a lousy low-end cam, but that's your opinion & I don't care!
What I want from a cam is about 6~7 Megapixel will do, a zoom lens, small, light in weight, fast easy
settings & above all, a swivelling LCD screen.
Features that will allow me to carry it everywhere I go w/o breaking my back.
A nice pix is a product of a photographer's skill, not the other way around.

My darling also love photography. Shoot any damn thing, she does!
The cam I used these days belong to her actually. My beloved Nikon FE-2 film cam spoil liao.
I don't shoot much nowadays. Mostly will be pixs of my darling... she's my private model. =P
Taken thousands of her pixs. Show you ar? Have to get her consent lor....
I don't fear women, but I still respect their privacy.

My portfolio? Uhuh... can't put that up even though I am not a working photographer anymore.
Almost all of my portfolio consist of commercial projects.
Many of those pixs cannot be made available in public cos copyrights still belong to clients.
Some pixs are of models & well known people... so, no way, as a professional, I'm going to put those up in
 [ALL ABOUT SIAOMOUSE] May 3, 2006

public too.
Very sorry. Got nothing to prove my words, but as the title of this thread is....
Assume what you like of what I wrote. I frankly don't care much lor.....
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I'm Nasty, Mean & Crazy... I just can't help myself cos... I'm a Barbarian!!!