A Question of Mercy

4/28/2018 Twentieth Century North American Drama Results
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Rabe, David, 1940, A Question of Mercy Electronic Edition by Alexander Street Press, L.L.C., 2018 . © David Rabe, 1998. Also published in A Question of Mercy, Grove Press, New York,
NY, 1998. [Author Information] [Bibliographic Details] [View Production Details] [Character Information] [1997] [PL009968]
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Act 1
ACT ONE
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The set is a raised, raked platform surrounded by a groundlevel alley that runs along stage right and left and across the front. The backdrop is abstract. Perhaps it suggests an urban
skyline. Downstage left on the groundfloor ramp stands a table with a phone on it.
There is music and a dreamy kind of light on DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN as he enters upstage left. He's in his forties, tall, and he walks down toward the table and chair. He wears an
overcoat, which he unbuttons, then removes. He looks out to the audience, taking them in. He speaks as if making a formal presentation on a supremely important issue.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN This overcoatmy overcoat was given to me tenno. He's twentythree now and he was... so it's ... my overcoat is fifteen years old. It was a Christmas gift
from my nephew. I'm sure it was really my sister who purchased it. But my nephew was the bearer, his little face a bright bulb above the festive package as he raced across the room.
(Slightly puzzled, but still grand, he continues.) I don't know why I'm saying this. But I wear itthe overcoatwhen I go out in cold weather.
(With the overcoat in one hand, he turns to a pair of pajamas on the chair.) These are my pajamas.
(Grabbing them up.) At night, I wear them. They provide a kind of consoling formality.
(He holds the pajamas in one hand, the overcoat in the other, both arms outstretched as he weighs
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the garments, his arms shifting like scales.) The boundary, the demarcation between waking and sleeping, between thought and dreams, benefits, I believe, from such an acknowledgment
a gesture of respect, of emphasis, I think.
The phone rings. The backdrop holds a projection, narrow and clear. JANUARY 9, 1990.
DR. CHAPMAN picks up a nearby leatherbound appointment book and looks at it. The phone rings again. He looks at it, grabs it up.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Hello?

VOICE Dr. Robert Chapman?

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Who is this?

VOICE This is Thomas Ames. We met at theat the fundraiser for

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Oh, yes, of course.

THOMAS AMES Do you remember me?
Now on the stage right area, lights find THOMAS AMES, standing alone with a phone in his hand. He is handsome, slim, in his thirties.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Yes, yes, at the Levines' house. For the Franklin Coalition.

THOMAS AMES I was wondering if we mightI hate to intrude, but would you have time for a cup of coffee in the next few days? I wouldn't take much of your time. But there's something
I need to discuss, and the phone doesn't seem quite appropriate, but
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DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Well, I'm actually quite busy.

THOMAS AMES I mean, I could do it on the phone, but

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN What am I saying? Of course. A cup of coffee? Tomorrow morning?

THOMAS AMES I'll come to your neighborhood. Just name a place.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Well, the Beacon is quite close by.

THOMAS AMES Oh, yes. Of course. I know it. What time shall we say?
https://nadr-alexanderstreet-com.proxy.library.vcu.edu/cgi-bin/asp/philo/getobject.pl?c.479:2.nadr 1/29

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Is ten good for you?

THOMAS AMES Fine. Perfect. I'll see you then.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN I look forward to it.
DR. CHAPMAN stands looking at the phone in his hand.

THOMAS AMES
(as the lights take him out of view) Goodbye.
On the screen above and behind DR. CHAPMAN is projected: JANUARY 10, 1990.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN
(leafing through pages in his appointment book) January eighth, ninth, tenth, eleventh. They flow by. A haze. A confident haze. A sense of will. Intention. My life. I will do this. I will do that.
As the lights come up on the stage right area, we see THOMAS seated at a table with a flowered tablecloth spread over it. A pot of coffee stands on the table; there are two cups and
saucers and some Danish on a plate, awaiting DR. CHAPMAN.
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THOMAS AMES
(waving toward DR. CHAPMAN) Dr. Chapman! Here! Here I am!
DR. CHAPMAN waves back and heads to the table.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Thomas, hello. Sorry I'm late.

THOMAS AMES No, no, I arrived a little early, I think.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN How are you? Busy, I bet.

THOMAS AMES Oh, yes.
(Gesturing toward the coffee, the plate of Danish.) I took the liberty of ordering coffee and some Danish for us. I hope that's all right.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN As long as there's blueberry. Have you seen the Levines' recently?
(He seeks amid the Danish.)

THOMAS AMES No, nonot for some weeks now.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN I haven't either. I should call them.
For a slight uneasy pause, they look around.

THOMAS AMES This is awkwardisn't it. I'm sorry.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN And slightly mysterious, I must admit.

THOMAS AMES I'm... how shall I put this? It's just that I felt in our conversation at the Levines' that daywe ended up in a small group, do you remember?

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Yes.

THOMAS AMES I mean, I don't even remember the subject under discussion, but what I do remember emphatically was that something in your mannerit could have been
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something you said, an opinion you expressed. Anyway, what happened is I came away with the impression that you would be sympathetic to the issue about which the issue that
prompted my calland of course I could be wrong, butgoodness, I don't feel I'm handling this at all well, but you're a doctor, right?

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Well, I was. I don't practice anymore, if you're

THOMAS AMES But you're still licensed, aren't you? You are still licensed.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN So this is a medical matter?

THOMAS AMES Well, yes.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Are you ill?

THOMAS AMES It's not me. It's a friend of mine. Though I'm certainly involved. A dear friend. It's AIDS. He has AIDS.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN I see.

THOMAS AMES He was HIV for so many years, it all seemed everything just seemedit seemed...! We were lulled into a kind of expectation that this almost normal health would just
simply go on and on, but then it all changed. Seven months ago we went from our lives intointo a nightmare.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN I'm not a doctor anymore. I don't treat patients.

THOMAS AMES Well, I mean, treatment is not exactly what we werewhat he and I were discussing.
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DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Well, treatment is what I administered as a doctor.

THOMAS AMES He thought you mightthat you might be willing he wanted me to ask if you would be willing to consider helping him.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Help him in what way?

THOMAS AMES Well, if you would be willing to intervene on his behalf.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN I don't understand, Thomas.

THOMAS AMES If you would intervene.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN I'm not practicing medicine at the moment, Thomas.
(Glancing at his watch.) And I'm afraid I took you quite literally regarding the time we'd need for this cup of coffee. I have to get back to my office.
As DR. CHAPMAN rises:

THOMAS AMES Well... I see....

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN I'm sorry about your friend. I wish you the best of luck.
As DR. CHAPMAN turns and leaves, THOMAS watches him. The lights fade on THOMAS and focus on DR. CHAPMAN, who steps downstage, facing out. He opens his appointment
book. Projected on the screen is: JANUARY 11, 1990.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN It says in my appointment calendar that later today I have to go to the dentist for a checkup. He has a
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new nurse whom I find annoying, butwellit says, "Tomatoes. Onions. Peppers. Et cetera." The "et cetera" meaning additional vegetables.
(He turns a page.) I've enrolled in a cooking course at the... well... I might as well admit it: the Learning Annex.
(He smiles.) The first class is tonight. And the truth is, I'm looking forward to it.
The phone starts to ring. Annoyed, DR. CHAPMAN looks at it.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN How it intrudes. The ringing telephone and the course of our thoughts, the flow of our own intentions is cut off. We answer it, and most of the time it's a minor
tug, easily incorporated. And if we didn't answer, might the caller just disappear? Might he never call back?
(Picking up phone.) Hello!
The lights come up on THOMAS and ANTHONY center stage in a fragmentary depiction of their apartment. They sit beside each other on the couch. THOMAS talks on the phone.
ANTHONY sits on the couch. A short, delicate man with black, closecropped hair, a neatly trimmed black beard, ANTHONY is also in his thirties; although extremely pale, he is
surprisingly unwasted.

THOMAS AMES Dr. Chapman. This is Thomas Ames. I'm sorry to bother you, but my friendthe friend I mentionedhe insisted that I call you. When I described our conversation in the
coffee shop, he felt I had been too oblique.
As THOMAS talks, DR. CHAPMAN, phone to ear, listens, idly leafing through pages in a cookbook.

THOMAS AMES He's quite annoyed with me because he feels I failedthat, given my annoyingly inveterate allegiance to discretion, I failed to convey the real nature of what I
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was saying. Or trying to say. He said I must speak to you again, and I must be candid.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN I think I understood you, Thomas.

THOMAS AMES I know. I know you did. This is really more about him and meour relationship, but he has things he feels I must say directly before he can believe that we've made our
best effort in your direction. If you could indulge us just for a, for athey're tormenting him, these things, and he has enough tormenting him. So if you could indulge me for just a moment.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN I was about to go out, but I have a minute.

THOMAS AMES Thank you, thank you. He wanted me to tell you that he's my loverthat's the first thing he wanted to make absolutely clearthat he is not just some casual
acquaintance or even just a friend, but we live together, have lived together for seven and a half years. And the second thing is that he's suffering terriblyit's really pretty far along and it
was in the midst of his suffering that your name came up. That it was not casual, because it wasn't. Nothing about this is casual. I guess I told him about meeting you at the Levines' and he
asked me to call you. This is the first call I'm talking aboutthe one the other day.


THOMAS AMES But now, as far as this call is concerned, he's demanding that I make it unequivocalthat I make it totally clear that when I said "intervene," if you recallwell,
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he found that just infuriatingly vague on my part because what he wants is to die. He's almost always in pain, and he wants to die. And that's what he sent me to ask you. It's what I meant
by "intervene," which I thought you understoodbut he says, how could you possibly? So he has insisted that I call and ask you if you would help him commit suicide.
DR. CHAPMAN closes the book and sets it on the table.

THOMAS AMES He wants you to help him die.

ANTHONY While I still have the strength to do it.

THOMAS AMES
(to Anthony) What?

ANTHONY While I still have the strength to

THOMAS AMES
(into phone) While he still has the strength to do it.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN I'm sorry, but that's not possible.

THOMAS AMES Oh.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN That's all. I'm sorry.

THOMAS AMES This is a horrible disease, Doctor. Have you seen anyone with it?

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN My training, my thinking, my philosophy have all been directed toward the preservation of lifethat's what I did, what I wanted to do, and

ANTHONY Ask him if he thinks a doctor's purpose is to lessen misfortune or to prolong it as long as possible.
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THOMAS AMES
(into the phone) Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN What? Are you talking to me?

THOMAS AMES
(to Anthony) He says he can't help us, Anthony.

ANTHONY But why?

THOMAS AMES His philosophy. His training. His thinkingI don't know.

ANTHONY What did he say?

THOMAS AMES
(into phone) Dr. Chapman. He needs help. He's asking for help to lessen his pain. Isn't that your task, your oath as a doctor?

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN No. In fact, it isn't. There are laws, Thomas, there's society. I'm not a barbarian.

THOMAS AMES But to let him suffer like thisthat's the very word he uses about it. To let him suffer like this is the act of a barbarian!

ANTHONY Don't insult him. Why are you insulting him?

THOMAS AMES I'm not.

ANTHONY You just called him a "barbarian."

THOMAS AMES Well, heI

ANTHONY Apologize.
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THOMAS AMES
(into phone) Could you come and talk to us about it all, at least? I think, if you did that, we might be able to see it your way.

ANTHONY I know what I want, Thomas.

THOMAS AMES
(into phone) Could you at least do that, Dr. Chapman? Visit us. If you could counsel us. If you could talk to him. I don't really want him to do it either. Perhaps that's all he needsall we both
needsomeone to talk to us from your perspective. If you spent some time with Anthony and me, so that

ANTHONY Let me talk to him.

THOMAS AMES Anthony wants to talk to you. All right?


THOMAS AMES All right.
ANTHONY takes the phone.

ANTHONY I implore you, Dr. Chapman. I implore you. Do you hear me?

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN
(lowering phone, looking out) "I implore you," he says. "I implore you." And I feel I must meet him. I wanted to meetno. To see him.
(Looking at the phone.) It's startling the way his voice reaches out through this object in my

ANTHONY Dr. Chapman?
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DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN
(into phone) All right. Tuesday.
(He hangs up.)
Lights sweep THOMAS and ANTHONY away. DR. CHAPMAN stands alone. Music plays in the background.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN
(putting on his coat, his scarf) Ambivalence is an equal pull in opposing directions, and so each year I renew the license that allows me to prescribe narcotics. The drugs he implored me to
provide are drugs I can easily acquire. Because his desire is not a stranger to me. I mean, I've thought that I might want to prescribe such pills to myself someday. To relieve pain or to end
my own life, should the need arise. I've thought of it. I've thought of it often, but it's always been slightly distanced. A principled matter. A theoretical option. But then the pain in his voice
burst through, and I thought, My life is good. I'm healthy. More or less happy. If I would do it for myself, why not for him?
The lights take DR. CHAPMAN away, and projected on the screen is: JANUARY 16, 1990.
On the stage left corner of the ramp, a DOORMAN clutches a package wrapped in brown paper as he talks on the intercom phone.

DOORMAN Sure, Mrs. Waxman, I'll make certain Tommy knows to hold this for UPS in the morning. When he comes on at midnight, I will leave no doubt about the importance of this
package. And he will convey that importance to Edgar first thing in the morning.
As DR. CHAPMAN approaches, crossing along the downstage ramp:

DOORMAN No, no. No problem, Mrs. Waxman. Listen, could you hold on a second? Just a second.
THE DOORMAN puts his hand over the phone and steps in front of DR. CHAPMAN.
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DOORMAN Dr. Chapman?

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN What?

DOORMAN It's me, Dr. Chapman. Eddie Ruggerio, remember me?
(As DR. CHAPMAN stares.) You took my gallbladder out!

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Oh, yes. Eddie. Eddie! My goodness. Hello!
As they shake hands:

DOORMAN I compliment you all the time, Dr. Chapman.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Eddie. How are you?

DOORMAN I tell everybody you did an incredible job, because you did. What else am I gonna tell them, right? The scar has all but disappeared. Look.
(Pulling his jacket open, his shirt up, showing the faint scar.) I gotta point it out to people or nobody sees it. Do you see it?
He points and DR. CHAPMAN looks.

DOORMAN I could be in a beauty pageant. Right? If I was a beauty.
(Back to the intercom phone.) Mrs. Waxman that doctor I'm always telling you about. He's here.... Right!... Yes! The gallbladder Svengali. He's right here standing in front of me. He's one
great surgeon, Mrs. Waxman, if you need anything.... That's right.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Actually, I'm not practicing at the moment, Eddie.

DOORMAN What? You've retired? Oh, no. No, no. How could you? Look at you, you're in the prime of life, Dr. Chapman.
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DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN It's sad but true, Eddie, I guess.

DOORMAN
(into phone) He's retired, Mrs. Waxman.... Yes, it is too bad. That's just what I said.... He's the best, though. The best ever.
(Returning to DR. CHAPMAN.) I'm sorry. You have friends here?

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Thomas Ames is a friend of mine.

DOORMAN Oh, yes. TenC. Well, great to see you.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Great to see you, Eddie.
As DR. CHAPMAN moves along the ramp to the upstage left corner of the raked platform, the DOORMAN talks on the phone.

DOORMAN He's a miracle man, Mrs. Waxman. I mean, next time you're down here, I'll show you the scar. But it's nothing. A wrinkle.
A doorbell rings. In their apartment, THOMAS moves to the door. ANTHONY waits on the couch.

DOORMAN
(into phone) And he did it with a knife, Mrs. Waxman. With a knife.
As the lights sweep EDDIE away, DR. CHAPMAN steps up onto the raked platform.

THOMAS AMES Hello.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Hello, Thomas.

THOMAS AMES Come in, come in. Is it snowing? It's still snowing.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Very lightly, butyes.
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THOMAS AMES Let me take your coat.
THOMAS takes DR. CHAPMAN'S coat and lays it over a chair upstage.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Do you knowjust now, the doormanit was such a coincidence.

THOMAS AMES Eddie?

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN He was a former patient of mine.

THOMAS AMES Really.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN I took his gallbladder out.
THOMAS has moved to stand behind ANTHONY, who sits on an invalid's cushion on the couch. He presents ANTHONY to DR. CHAPMAN.

THOMAS AMES This is Anthony. It's still snowing, Anthony. Anthony loves the snow. He's from Colombia.

ANTHONY But please don't conclude I spent my childhood following burros up mountains looking for coffee beans.
As ANTHONY, grinning, half rises, extends his hand:

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN No, no. Please. Don't get up.
They shake hands; ANTHONY settles back on his cushion.

ANTHONY I find a certain magic in the snowas if it is not quite real. I saw very little snow.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Except in the mountains.

ANTHONY Well, yes, the mountains. But I didn't grow up in the mountains.
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From offstage, a teakettle whistles. On the coffee table in front of the couch sits a plate of cookies.

THOMAS AMES I was just brewing some tea. Would you like some tea?

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Yes, that would be fine.

THOMAS AMES I have herbal and regular.

ANTHONY Many kinds of herbal tea.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN I think I'd like regular.
As THOMAS darts into the kitchen, ANTHONY pats the couch for DR. CHAPMAN to sit beside him.

ANTHONY Would you like a cookie? They're chocolate chip.
(He picks up a cookie.) Thomas made them today. They're fresh.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Thank you.
DR. CHAPMAN selects a cookie and takes a bite. As ANTHONY waits awkwardly, he surveys the apartment.

ANTHONY We've been here five years.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN It's a beautiful apartment.

ANTHONY So many things we had tonot fix, but adapt to our own taste after moving in. And there was never enough money. Our tastes have blended very nicely, don't you think?

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN It appears the work of a single mind.
THOMAS comes hurrying in with a tray bearing a teapot, milk, sugar, and Equal. He pours tea for DR. CHAPMAN.
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ANTHONY He likes the decor, Thomas.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN
(rising, pacing, surveying) You must have had a decorator help you.

ANTHONY No, no, this is our ownour mutual expression.

THOMAS AMES Sugar?

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Yes. And a little milk.

THOMAS AMES
(starting to pour) Say when? Personally, I like
(Stopping.) You could pour it yourself if you preferred.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Well ... no. You go right ahead.

THOMAS AMES We have Equal, if you

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN No. No, thank you. I prefer sugar. Particularly with chocolate chip cookies.
(As he takes a bite.) They're delicious. You made them?

THOMAS AMES
(as he sits) Yes. I must confess.
For a beat, they all nibble cookies, sip tea.

THOMAS AMES Well.
(He takes a breath.) Would you care for a little
(Smiling, shrugging at his own nervousness, he tries for a little joke.) I don't know what. I've offered all that we have.
He's interrupted as ANTHONY returns his partly eaten cookie to the table.

THOMAS AMES Don't you like it?

ANTHONY No, no, it's delicious.
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THOMAS AMES Then eat it, please.

ANTHONY It's the diarrhea, Thomas. I'm afraid to have too much. Ibut it tasted delicious. You go ahead.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Your diarrhea is bad?

ANTHONY Savage.

THOMAS AMES He suffers terribly.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Is there no relief? Have you tried

ANTHONY We've tried everything.

THOMAS AMES It only seems to get worse.

ANTHONY I'm tired. Always. And it has no pleasure in it, this tiredness, like the exhaustion from a game, or work. The exhaustion of life has a certain pleasure. You feel a kind of vitality
rekindling itself. This is something else deep inside me. It empties me, this weariness. There's no rest for it. It leaves me depressed when I was never depressed in my life. Never. And this.
(He points to a place between his nose and his eye.) Yesterday, this showed up. Popping out of me.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN
(leaning in, examining) I noticed.

ANTHONY He noticed, Thomas. And you told me they were less conspicuous. Kaposi's sarcoma and its tasteless little parade of fucking tumors.
THOMAS points to ANTHONY'S cheek, where a sore seeps out from the beard.
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THOMAS AMES There's another.

ANTHONY A new one?

THOMAS AMES I think so. Is that one, Dr. Chapman?


ANTHONY The beard cannot hide them all.
(Suddenly, he groans and clutches his abdomen.) Ohhh, Thomas, I must go to the bathhelp me, quickly.
(He tries to get up, then sags back.) Ohhhhh. Dammit. Dammit. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I have gone in my pants. Such a foul odor. Instantly. Rot. I am rot inside. The hemorrhoids bum. I must
go change.
(He looks at DR. CHAPMAN coldly.) I want to die.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Is it so bad?

ANTHONY Do you have to ask?
(Whirling to THOMAS.) He asks!
(Then back to DR. CHAPMAN.) Yes.
(And again to THOMAS.) Take me to the bedroom to change. I want him to see me naked. Then he will know. Will you come with us, Dr. Chapman?

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Today you want to die, but in a few days, or a few hours even, you may

ANTHONY Wait and look. Then talk to me about tomorrow.
(He tries to get to his feet.)

THOMAS AMES
(helping) He's very upset.

ANTHONY Of course I'm upset. Just help me, just help me. No, no, wait.
(He sags back onto the couch.) I'm woozy.
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"Woozy." What a word. Woozy. Woozy. Woozy. I am woozy and I may puke. But I want you to see. In a minute.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN All right.

ANTHONY I wear a diaper. I want you to seeI wear a diaper. It is humiliating. But I want you to see. I am sores. I am nothing. You must see. Sores and shit. And blood.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Are there no good days? You have no relief?

ANTHONY Sleep. When I sleep. The hours of sleep are good, and so I think of dying. It's the forgetfulness that makes me want tothat teaches me to die. I am not a man who would
have ever thought of such a thingto take my life. Never before this. Never! My life was my treasure. But it's gone. Taken from me.

THOMAS AMES I have to wash youI have to clean you.

ANTHONY Yes.

THOMAS AMES Come. Now. Can we go now.

ANTHONY All right.
(He rises, with THOMAS'S help.)

THOMAS AMES Come along.
They make their way upstage, passing DR. CHAPMAN.

ANTHONY Two woozy friends.
(ANTHONY falters.) Owww, owww, owww.

THOMAS AMES I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
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ANTHONY I know, I know. Owww, owww. Ohhhhhhhh.

THOMAS AMES I'm so sorry.
At the edge of the stage, THOMAS and ANTHONY stop in shadows, leaning against each other. DR. CHAPMAN faces out in a narrowing pool of light.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN I followed them into their bedroom where Anthony lay on his side on the bed, offering his lesions to me as evidence. I stared. His anus was a large circular
ulceration, oozing blood. His buttocks were smeared with pus and liquid stool. Tenderly, Thomas bathed him and dressed him in a fresh diaper, and I watched. Even though I had been
summoned there, I felt a kind of voyeur. I felt rude and unnecessary and indecent.
As the lights come back up, THOMAS and ANTHONY separate and look downstage at DR. CHAPMAN.

THOMAS AMES He knows now, Anthony.

ANTHONY Does he?

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Yes. Are there no good days?

ANTHONY This is a good day. Because you are here this is a wonderful day. A...
(He curses exuberantly in Spanish.) ... day!
DR. CHAPMAN stares at ANTHONY, who moves to settle onto the couch.

THOMAS AMES Would you like another cup of tea, Dr. Chapman?

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN No.
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THOMAS AMES I could make some coffee.

As DR. CHAPMAN settles in the chair adjacent to the couch, ANTHONY motions for THOMAS to join him on the couch.

THOMAS AMES
(settling on the couch) Another cookie?


ANTHONY A friend in Colombia, a doctor friend, is mailing what I have been told is to be a lethal dose of barbiturates. They will arrive soon.


ANTHONY But what I fear is that something could go wrong and I wouldI would

THOMAS AMES It might not work.

ANTHONY Dr. Nagle at the clinic refuses to advise mehe won't even talk to me about it.

THOMAS AMES There are so many patients.

ANTHONY When all I want is to be able to be certain somehow that it not fail.

THOMAS AMES He worries that he won't do it right.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN It's actually quite difficult to do correctly.

THOMAS AMES But what could be so hard? Don't you just take them?
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ANTHONY That's what I'm frightened of. It has to be ... difficult. That's why I desire assistance. Someone to help me, Dr. Chapman.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN I know that's what you think you want, Anthony.

ANTHONY But if someone was with me to inject an additional dose into me ... a fatal dose ... if the pills failed.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN I can't do that. That's not why I'm here, Anthony. I'm here to discuss certain thingsI mean, perhaps I could teach you the proper way to take the pills.

ANTHONY Yes. Yes.

THOMAS AMES But don't you just take them?

ANTHONY I've been trying to tell you, Thomasthe body fights, the body is a deceiver. That's why I must have helpand I must do it soon, while I have the strength and courage, and I
must have Thomas with me. That's why he must be there, holding me. So I have the courage. We have discussed these matters, and he wants to be with me. Would you approve of that,
Dr. Chapman? That I have company?
(Turning to THOMAS.) And he must not cry. You must promise not to cry.

THOMAS AMES But that's not fair. It's not fair to ask me not to cry.

ANTHONY I couldn't bear it if you cried.

THOMAS AMES What if I justif it just happens?

ANTHONY I make this request to you. You must discipline yourself.
26

THOMAS AMES He can't make me promise that, can he, Dr. Chapman?

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN I don't think, Anthony, that a person's emotions can be promised in such circumstances. You can ask him to be with you, and to do his best not to cry, but
more than thatwell, it's the kind of thing, Anthony, that if he did promise, he would be lying. You can ask him to promise that he will try. He can promise to try, but

ANTHONY Will you promise to try?

THOMAS AMES I won't be able to do it.

ANTHONY But will you try?

THOMAS AMES
(leaping up, turning away, enraged) It's so awful. The whole thing. I hate the whole thing; it makes me furious. Honest to God.
Beeping offstage.

ANTHONY My pill.
THOMAS hurries off the upstage right corner.

THOMAS AMES Yes. Yes.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN What is it you're taking?

ANTHONY I take everything, Doctor. This one is for pain. But I have chests and dressers full of pills. Jewel cases. They are my jewels.

THOMAS AMES
(as he returns with a pill and a glass of water) We've tried everythingevery experimental drug and protocol for the diarrhea, but nothing works.
27

ANTHONY And the chemotherapy seems to assist the tumors. They flourish in it. My mouth is covered with them. Look.
ANTHONY opens his mouth, and DR. CHAPMAN looks inside.

THOMAS AMES I think they were actually quite a bit worse several days ago. I know you've nothing to compare them to, but they have in fact to some degreediminished.

ANTHONY
(reaching to take THOMAS's hand) Thomas believes in God, don't you, Thomas.
(Kissing the hand.) He prays.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Do you pray, Anthony?

ANTHONY Nothing can happen to me now, Dr. Chapman, except my death. It is the only act of significance left for me that I can dictate, that I can choose. To pick the time and method.
To defy this monster. To say, I, Anthony, live. And now I do this thing that you, Death, have so far failed to do. I will do it! At this moment, Dr. Chapman, I am still able. But soon it will be
beyond me. Then I will be the victim in every way.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN But you see, the thing is that it's nothow can I say this? Deathactual death is not somethingyou see, what you do, what you're thinking, is you take the
pillsand that is what you doyou're right. You take the pills. But that's not death. You can't do it. It's never ours to govern. You do somethingbut you do not do IT. You take pills, and death
occurs. But

ANTHONY
(leaning in) You're going to do it, aren't you. You're going to help me.
DR. CHAPMAN rises, pacing away from them.
28

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN The barbiturates coming from Colombia are what kind?

ANTHONY Bellergals. A hundred milligrams. I have been guaranteed at least a hundred pills. They will arrive soon.
(Moving after DR. CHAPMAN.) Tell me you're going to do it, Dr. Chapman.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Have you discussed this with anyone else? I mean, these ideas?

THOMAS AMES Why?

ANTHONY Well, of course with somea few people.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN I think it would be wise to limit the number the people who might know. To keep it confined.

THOMAS AMES Are you worried about the police?

ANTHONY We've only told a few people.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Tell no one else.

THOMAS AMES No.

ANTHONY We won't.

THOMAS AMES We could go to jail, couldn't we. IfI mean, if we actuallyif you

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN I think we should be very careful. There are those who would rush to punish us.
29

THOMAS AMES I've never done anything like this. I've never broken the law. Because that's what we'll be doing. We'll be breaking the law. And, I mean, we could be caught. We'd be
accomplices or something then, Dr. Chapmanis that right?

ANTHONY I don't think Dr. Chapman is worried about that.

THOMAS AMES Of course he is, and I am too. Because I'm the sole beneficiary in Anthony's will. Do you see what I mean, Dr. Chapman?

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Is that right, Anthony?

THOMAS AMES If I receive everything he has, and there's any suspicion, wouldn't that?

ANTHONY I want you to have my possessions.

THOMAS AMES I know, but it could look as if

ANTHONY I want to talk about this later, Thomas. This is not pertinent to the things I need to straighten out with Dr.

THOMAS AMES I know that. But I'm not talking about you at this particular instant. You won't be a part of this if we're caught, because you won't be here anymore. You'll be

ANTHONY Dead.

THOMAS AMES He just doesn't have any idea how this is for me. Because it's worse for him, I know it isbut it's SOMETHING for me. And he acts sometimes like it's NOTHINGlike I
don't have my own feelings about all this.
30
So he wants me with him when it happens, and I want that tooI want to be with him. But I've never seen anyone die.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Of course.

THOMAS AMES And he forbids me to cry. I can't be there feeling that I'm doing something wrong, that I'm ruining everything if I have emotions that I can't control.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Of course not. You see that, Anthony, don't you?

THOMAS AMES I mean, if I'm there, and I'm holding you and you diedo you understand what I mean?

ANTHONY You're right, ThomasI'm sorry, I lose track. I'm sorry. I'm selfabsorbed.
As ANTHONY moves back, THOMAS eases to him and touches him, embraces him.

THOMAS AMES And why wouldn't you be? He suffers so. How could he not be? I understand that. But stillstillthere are other things.

ANTHONY You're right, Thomas. You're right. I'm sorry.

THOMAS AMES You don't have to be sorry. Why should you be sorry?
As they embrace, DR. CHAPMAN turns and strides upstage toward his coat, which is draped over a chair. THOMAS looks, then sees where DR. CHAPMAN is going.

THOMAS AMES Are you going?

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Yes, I think ...
31

THOMAS AMES Let me help you with your coat.
ANTHONY coughs as THOMAS hurries to retrieve the coat and DR. CHAPMAN moves to ANTHONY.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN All those people that you've told what you're contemplatingtry not to talk to them anymore.

ANTHONY Yes.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN And, I'm thinking, Anthony, do you have a good lawyer?

ANTHONY Yes. Very much so.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Because you should arrange a codicil to your will requesting that there be no autopsy.

ANTHONY I knew you'd decide to help me. I was right, wasn't I.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN I will help you, Anthony. But not to the extent you want.

ANTHONY Please.

THOMAS AMES You mustn't count on that, Anthony. You'll only be disappointed.
ANTHONY reaches and takes DR. CHAPMAN's hand.

ANTHONY Dr. Chapman. You asked, Do I pray? Now I pray to you. Don't be troubled. You will be the instrument that I will use. That's all. Think of it that way. You are an instrument. No
more; no less. I will use you. For my rescue.
(He kisses DR. CHAPMAN's hand; he kisses the buttons on DR. CHAPMAN's coat sleeve.) For my rescue.
THOMAS stands watching, as DR. CHAPMAN and ANTHONY
32
study each other, and the emotion between them. DR. CHAPMAN steps away, heads for the door.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Good night.

THOMAS AMES Good night.

ANTHONY Thank you, Dr. Chapman.
The lights dim on ANTHONY and THOMAS, as DR. CHAPMAN, alone now on the upstage left corner of the ramp, faces out. Music plays in the background.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN An instrument. He wants me to become his instrument.
(Walking downstage.) Anthony's instrument. Then I would bewhat would I be? A means for himthis other personthis Anthony to enact his will?
(Crossing the front of the stage, he moves to his chair and phone.) Like a forceps or a scalpel when I held them. He wants me to be that simple. As for my own feelings? Ignore them.
Regarding my reservationsthat uneasy murmuring just beyond the horizon of my thoughts ignore that too. Governed only by his aims, I would be like the scalpel, innocent and free of
being what I am, a man.
A loud blast of amplified sound: a radio sportscaster covering hockey. The lights take DR. CHAPMAN into dark. The slide comes on: JANUARY 24, 1990.
On the stage left corner, the DOORMAN is sweeping with a large push broom across the front of the stage.

VOICE OF SPORTSCASTER Skating four on four. Leetch feeds the puck to Turcotte. He's got it. Slides it to Gartner.

DOORMAN Attaboy, Garty. You're the boss, Garty, show them why!
33

VOICE OF SPORTSCASTER He's looking. He's waiting. Back to Turcotte. He's looking. Fires a shot, off the stick. Rebound. Shot by Gartner.

DOORMAN
(stops sweeping, struggling to help the team) C'mon, c'mon!

VOICE OF SPORTSCASTER Stick save. Long rebound to the wing! Leetch is there. He sends a blast. It's off the post.

DOORMAN Damn!
DR. CHAPMAN walks past the DOORMAN, who looks up.

DOORMAN Hey, Doc. Leetch just missed off the post.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN
(seeing Eddie) Oh. Eddie. Hello.

DOORMAN Can you believe it?

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Who missed?

DOORMAN Leetch! Can you believe it?

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Oh. Too bad.
DR. CHAPMAN moves on along the ramp, heading upstage to the stage left corner, with the DOORMAN trailing along behind him, sweeping.

DOORMAN Too bad? Doc, no, no, "too bad" doesn't cover it. This isn't too bad. This is a catastrophe. It's a hex. The franchise is hexed. I'm hexed.
As a doorbell rings loudly, the DOORMAN wheels offstage, and DR. CHAPMAN steps up onto the raked platform where ANTHONY waits near the couch.
34

ANTHONY Buenos días, Dr. Chapman.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Hello, Anthony.
ANTHONY steps toward DR. CHAPMAN and takes DR. CHAPMAN's coat. ANTHONY is in pain, which he makes little effort to conceal. He drops the coat, and DR. CHAPMAN bends to
pick it up.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN There, there. I'll get that.

ANTHONY No, no.
They are almost struggling over the fallen coat, as THOMAS comes out of the bedroom, buttoning his jacket. He races toward them.

THOMAS AMES I'm sorry, I haven't left yetI know you said you needed to see Anthony alone, but Ianyway, I'll be out of here in a moment.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN I thought some things might be simpler if Anthony and I could

THOMAS AMES Fine, fine. Whatever.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN It has to do with my sense of the doctor patient relationship, I supposethat

THOMAS AMES You don't have to explain. Just tell me how long I should stay away.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN An hour should be sufficient.

THOMAS AMES Then I'll just stay out for two hours. In order to make certain I don't intrude. Goodbye.
35
He shakes hands with DR. CHAPMAN and then gives ANTHONY a peck on the cheek.

THOMAS AMES Byebye, Anthony.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Goodbye.

ANTHONY Byebye.
As he goes out the door, DR. CHAPMAN and ANTHONY face each other.

ANTHONY I have the barbiturates.
(He pulls the vial from his robe.) They arrived from Colombia.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Let me take a look.
DR. CHAPMAN takes the pills, studying the vial.

ANTHONY I hope there's enough. I have new lesions every day.
ANTHONY pulls up his shirt. DR. CHAPMAN looks at the sores, his fingers hesitant to touch the wounds.

ANTHONY They sprout from me. It is my anger I think that fertilizes them.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN How are your other symptoms?

ANTHONY The diarrhea is unrelenting. Are there enough pills?

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Oh, yes. Threequarters of this bottle, I would think, would deliver a lethal dosage.

ANTHONY And do I just take them?

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN No, no.
36

ANTHONY
(miming dumping the pills into his mouth) I mean, get them into me quick and fast!

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN No, no, no. That's what you can't dojust throw them down. This is the issue we had under discussion the other day, if you recall. At least I alluded to it. Let
me get some water, and I'll try and point out the pitfalls.
(He starts for the kitchen, then steps back.) It must be done very carefully. Very consciously.
(Heading off to the kitchen.) You must be disciplined. We can't predict your emotions at that moment.
(Talking from off, now.) Certainly I can't say, and I doubt that even you can anticipate your own state of mind at that moment when the time actually comesthe turmoil.
(Returning.) Or perhaps calm. And your physical condition will be changing as the time passes. That has to be taken into account. Which is why you have to know exactly what to do.
ANTHONY settles on the chair adjacent to the couch, and DR. CHAPMAN settles onto the couch. He holds a glass of water and takes a bottle of aspirin from his pocket.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN I have some baby aspirin here that I'll use to show you. And this water.

ANTHONY I will be your perfect student in this matter, Dr. Chapman.
DR. CHAPMAN scatters a few aspirins on the table.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN What you must above all do is take little sips and only one pill at a time, or else you will vomit them up. Let me show you.
(He carefully places one pill on his tongue, then takes an exaggeratedly tiny little bitty sip of water.) You see? Tiny sips.
37

ANTHONY Let me try.
ANTHONY reaches for the glass and one of the spilled pills. Dr Chapman watches closely as ANTHONY takes a pill.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Tiny tiny sips. As little water as possible.
As ANTHONY prepares to take a second aspirin:

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Even less water, Anthony. You must not take them too fast or with too much water. That's what you have to understand. And yet, you must not go too slowly.
That's the paradox. Because if you go too slowly, if you take too much time, the drug begins to affect you and slow you before you're finished and then you simply go to sleep without
having taken in enough for the cumulative effect to be deadly.

ANTHONY And then I would just wake up? Just sleep and wake up?

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN I'm afraid so.

ANTHONY Be rigorous in your instruction, Dr. Chapman.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Less water. Do it again.
As ANTHONY tries with another aspirin:

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Rigorous is what you must be, Anthony. Stern with yourself on that night. This is what's crucial. Little sips at a regular pace.

ANTHONY Is this goodthis pace?

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN I think so. Methodical. Establish a count. Like one, two, three, pill. One, two, three, pill.
38

ANTHONY One, two, three
(He pops a pill into his mouth and drinks, then suddenly starts to cough and choke.)

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN
(leaning in, helping, offering a handkerchief) You must not fill up and vomit. And yet you must not go so slowly that you run the risk ofwell

ANTHONY Getting "woozy." And we don't want that, do we? We don't want Anthony getting "woozy."

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN No, we don't.

ANTHONY Too "woozy" to kill himself.
(Suddenly facing DR. CHAPMAN, imploring him.) Couldn't you be there with me so you could inject more of the drug if necessary? If I failed, if I fell asleep?
(Rising, he rolls up his sleeve, showing his forearm.) I have good veins. Do you see? There are several needle marks, puncture markswhere blood has been drawn. Who would ever
notice one more mark in the midst of this mess? It would have to go undetected, wouldn't it? You would be there then. And if you were there, I would have the courage.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Do you have any family in this country?

ANTHONY Why? Oh, no, no. They're all in Colombiain Medellín. Four sisters, three brothers. They all live in Medellín.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN What have you told them?

ANTHONY Of this? Ohh, nothing. No, no.
(He turns away, a little agitated.)

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN You must. You must tell them.
39

ANTHONY It isn't possible, Dr. Chapman.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Anthony, I must advise you in the strongest termsyou must speak to them.

ANTHONY They know nothing about my life, my situation they

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN None of them?

ANTHONY One brother, butwellmy mother, you see, she has no formal education, though she is very wise. I think of her as one of the truly wise. And yet we have failed somehow to
discuss my life. She knows neither that I am gay nor that I am ill.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN But that's all the more reason for you to tell her now. Think through the implications of not telling her. She will conclude that you have committed suicide for
some ordinary, petty reason.

ANTHONY I have written her a letter that will be sent after my death. It will tell of my love for her, and it will thank her for all she has done. But nothing more.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN I find this very disturbing, Anthony. I hate to contest a point of such an obviously personal nature, but

ANTHONY It will be enough. My older brother, Esteban, he is the one who knows that I am gay, and for him it is a disgrace. My death will relieve him. It will verify his point of view. He has
forbidden me to tell the others in my family. Esteban, my sistersand all my brothers, toothey are all living around my mother. There are twelve grandchildren. She will not be alone.
40
ANTHONY smiles, then looks weary and gestures to the couch on which DR. CHAPMAN sits.

ANTHONY I must lie down.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN
(leaping up guiltily) Of course. I'm sorry. Perhaps I've pushed too hard.

ANTHONY No, no.
(He sags onto the couch and lies there.) I just need a moment. There's wine if you would care for some.

(He stands over Anthony, looking down at him.)

ANTHONY It's in the refrigerator.
(Playful.) And there's still some cookies. In the canister by the stove.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN
(thinking hard) Well ... maybe.
(He heads off.)

ANTHONY Yes, why don't you.... I have always counted so much on my spirit. My vigor. I had great energy all my lifea vitality that I could count on. Along with my looks. My looks were
my way through the world. I had ... charm....
As DR. CHAPMAN returns with a cookie and a glass of milk, ANTHONY sits up on the couch.

ANTHONY Did you find everything?

(He settles down on the chair next to the couch; he nibbles his cookie, sips his milk.)

ANTHONY No, no, no, in Colombia one is better off not to be a homosexual, or at least not to know it if they are. Until
41
I was eight years old or so, I was in such useful ignorance, but then it all changed.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN You changed at eight?

ANTHONY Oh, yes. These feelings piercing my childhood, this undeniable attraction to men. It was not so much my self changing, it was more exactly my understanding that changed. A
strange blooming in a field of perfect ignorance. I struggled, of course, with the common confusions. Though they scarcely mattered, because it was impossible to express them, these
feelings, even if I had understood them fully. Even much later, at the university in Bogotá where I went to study, and where I lived for six years, in an apartment with six other male students,
I did not express it. It was a quiet student life. We were friends, that's all. Then I came to New York, lived in freedom.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN I guess that was a relief for you.

ANTHONY It was fun. I was a wild boy on the loose at a carnivalI was wild... and foolish, too, I guess.
(Sitting up.) Were you ever a wild boy at the carnival, Dr. Chapman?

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN What? Me? No.
(Laughs.) Goodness.

ANTHONY Chasing nurses.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN You mean around the desk? Like in a cartoon?

ANTHONY Yes.

(Laughing softly.) Well ...
(Thinking.) ... once.
42

ANTHONY I knew it.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Whenwhen did you meet Thomas?

ANTHONY I traveled here to attend NYU. That's when I met him and fell in love with him. This was in 1980. When my studies were complete we separated for two years, as people do
when they misunderstand the deepest design of their lives. But we had the wisdom to stay in contact. Those two years ended, as if they had been imposed and we began to live together.
When I fell ill, it was just an infection, I was certain, though I worried about AIDS. I told Thomas at once, and we agreed that we must discontinue sex and so we did. From that day forward,
aside from mutual caressing, there has been no sexual contact between us. And this has had its difficulties of course, but they have been of surprisingly little consequence, because, as it
turns out, it was not sex that mattered so much between us ever anywaynot really it was not sex that kept us together, or brought us together in the first place. It was love. Always love.


ANTHONY Does this embarrass you?


ANTHONY This intimacy. This ... confession.


ANTHONY I think it does. What is your first name, Dr. Chapman?
43

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Robert.

ANTHONY I thought it was what you wanted, Robert, and so I talked, I mean, of my life; and I wanted that too, a chance for us to know one another better, to know one another in some
way, if we are to share the momentthat moment of my death.
(Slight pause.) I was right?

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN When would you want this to happen?

ANTHONY It must be soon. Soon.
(Getting to his feet.) Let mecome with me. There's a calendar here.
He walks upstage to a table. He picks up a desk calendar and studies it.

ANTHONY We're in January, so we need some time ... all of us ... to prepare. But I don't dare delay too long or ...
(Studying the calendar.) Are you free on February tenth?
DR. CHAPMAN takes his pocket calendar out and turns some pages.

ANTHONY It's a Saturday. Saturday the tenth of February. It's far enough away to allow for the necessary.... Well, how does it look to you?

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN The tenth. Yes. I'm free. I have one thing, but I'm sure I can switch it.

ANTHONY February tenth. It seems all right?

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Yes. I think so.

ANTHONY Shall we wait until you're certain you can change what you have, or
44

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN No, no, I can get rid of that.

ANTHONY So we have a date?

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN We have a date.
They close the books.

ANTHONY You should talk now. You should tell me of yourself. So I know who it is I am to die with.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN I have not agreed to be with you, Anthony. I have not agreed to administer a shot. Have you misunderstood?

ANTHONY Then why did we pick the day? A day that would be good for both of us?

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN
(moving away) We were just picking the day. So you would know. So you could prepare.

ANTHONY
(following) I see. Well, I would still like to know more of you. Are you native in New York?

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN There's nothing very much to tell. Really. Besides, Thomas will be along in a moment.

ANTHONY Now, I know that is a lie. I know there is so much to tell.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN No, no, not really.

ANTHONY Please. About the nurse you chased.
Suddenly there is the noise of a door off left, and they look.

THOMAS AMES
(calling from off) HelloI'm back.
45

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Hello, Thomas.
THOMAS strides on, removing his scarf, unbuttoning his jacket.

THOMAS AMES Hello, Dr. Chapman. Hello, Anthony.

ANTHONY We have decided.

THOMAS AMES What?

ANTHONY We have decided, Thomas. Dr. Chapman helped me.

THOMAS AMES Decided what? What's he saying, Dr. Chapman?

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN We picked the day. He did, really. February tenth.

THOMAS AMES You decided? Are you saying? Are you saying that ...?

ANTHONY Yes.

THOMAS AMES When? When did you decide?

ANTHONY Just now.
The lights go to black and then rise on THOMAS alone near the upstage left corner, a telephone held to his ear. Music plays in the background.

THOMAS AMES
(into phone) Susanah? Susanah, they've decided. They're going through with it.... No, no, they picked a date, he and this doctor I told you about. I wasn't even there. I was outjust out.
Can I ask you something? I came back and they told me. Can I ask you something? I feel so lost. I want you to help me get through this. I need you to help us both get through this.
46
A loud blast of sound: amplified voice of a sportscaster. Hockey game in progress. On the screen is projected: JANUARY 29, 1990.
The lights come up on the downstage left corner where the DOORMAN and DR. CHAPMAN stand side by side, gazing upward, almost reverential as they listen to the game.

VOICE OF SPORTSCASTER Hunter powers over the blue line, dinks, fakes a shot, fakes a shot. Then ... SHOOTS! Save by Richter. Pointblank save by Richter. Shot by Muriev. Save
by Richter. Rebound. SAVE BY RICHTER! SAVE BY RICHTER! SAVE BY RICHTER! ANOTHER SAVE BY RICHTER!

DOORMAN What a stand by Richter! SixFiveno, six saves by Richter. You a hockey fan, Doc?

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Well, no.

DOORMAN Oh, you oughta give it a try.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN I'm afraid I don't know anything about it, really.

DOORMAN It's a great game! Would you go with me, if I got tickets sometime? As my guest. It'd be my honor, Doc.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Well, I'mI don't know.

DOORMAN It's not what you think. No, no, the violence is not the game. The game is speed and instinct. They're like birds. It's an electric current.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN I don't think so, Eddie. Thank you, but
47

DOORMAN Just tell me this, tell me one thing. What could you lose by going to one game?

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN I don't know.

DOORMAN Well, I do. I know. And I can tell you, too. Nothing. I'm gonna call this guy right now and fix it!
(Heading off, grabbing phone.) We're gonna have two tickets in the front row, Doc! You'll love it!
As the DOORMAN disappears, the doorbell rings. SUSANAH TOMKINS enters from stage right on the platform. DR. CHAPMAN turns and finds himself facetoface with her.

SUSANAH TOMKINS Hello.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Oh, am Iwhere am I? Is this the right apartment? What apartment is this?

THOMAS AMES
(as he comes running forward, entering from upstage right) Dr. Chapman, this is Susanah Tomkins.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Oh. Hello.

SUSANAH TOMKINS We've met.
(She extends her hand.)

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN We have?

SUSANAH TOMKINS Yes.
As they shake hands:

SUSANAH TOMKINS At the Levines'.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Oh. Yes.
48

SUSANAH TOMKINS You don't remember.
ANTHONY enters, wearing a bright red silk shirt.

ANTHONY Dr. Chapman. Good evening.

THOMAS AMES Chiquito! You're wearing your new shirt!

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Thomas, can I talk to you for a second?

THOMAS AMES Of course.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN
(heading for the upstage right corner, near the kitchen) We'll just be a minute.

THOMAS AMES
(moving to join DR. CHAPMAN) I've put some water on for tea.
As SUSANAH joins ANTHONY on the couch:

ANTHONY Is something wrong?

SUSANAH TOMKINS I don't think it's serious.
Up in the corner, in a pocket of light, DR. CHAPMAN, clearly disturbed, faces THOMAS.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN What is she doing here?

THOMAS AMES Well, she's a friend. No, no, you don't have to worry she's fine.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN What do you mean, "she's fine"?

THOMAS AMES She's all right. She knows everything.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN What are you talking about? Wewe agreed to keep this between ourselves, between the three of us.
49

THOMAS AMES But she can be trusted completely. She's my dearest friend. She's our friend, Anthony's friend, my friend.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN That's not what I'm saying. I'm saying that you and I and Anthony agreed to restrict, to confinewe were going to limit the people who

SUSANAH TOMKINS Is this about me?

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN It's not so much about you...
As SUSANAH strides up to them:

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN ... as it is about certain agreements that I thought Thomas and I had reached that were unequivocal.

SUSANAH TOMKINS There's nothing to worry about. I understand the delicacy of the situation. Of course you're nervous about me just appearing like this

THOMAS AMES I should have told you, I knowwarned you, but

SUSANAH TOMKINS He should have.

THOMAS AMES I'm sorry.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN I don't understand how you could violate our ground rules without giving me the slightest warning.

SUSANAH TOMKINS That's why I'm here, really. I mean, to tell you.

THOMAS AMES To ask you, in a sense.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Ask me what?

THOMAS AMES I worried you would refuse me if I just asked. But if you met herand saw how shehow WE
50

SUSANAH TOMKINS What you have to understand is the necessitythat I have to be involved. This is important... in my life. I can't tell you how important, but these two are the dearest
people, my dearest friends. I can't be left out of this matter, this terriblebut I understand your shock.

THOMAS AMES It's perfectly understandable.

SUSANAH TOMKINS I just want to reassure you. I understand the complexity, the delicacy, and how you would naturally be reluctant to have what appears to you as this total stranger
brought in at this sensitive moment, but that's the point. I'm not a stranger.

THOMAS AMES She's been my confidante for years. And Anthony's, too.

SUSANAH TOMKINS Do you understand? If it's come to thisthat it's come to such a thing between these two, then I have to be with them. You've got to understand.

THOMAS AMES I need her to help me through this. To help us both.

SUSANAH TOMKINS I'll make the tea. You go out there, the two of you. I'll join you. It'll be all right, Doctor.
(She steps offstage right.)

ANTHONY
(calling to them) What are the three of you concocting in there without me?

THOMAS AMES Nothing.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Nothing.

ANTHONY Someone come here. Anthony is alone.
51
THOMAS hurries to ANTHONY. SUSANAH, carrying a tray with the tea, returns and faces DR. CHAPMAN.

SUSANAH TOMKINS You don't like me, do you?


SUSANAH TOMKINS I can usually tell from the first instant.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN This isn't personal.

SUSANAH TOMKINS Of course it is. But that's all right. I'm not here to challenge your authority.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN I don't know what you mean.

SUSANAH TOMKINS Good. How do you like your tea?

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN What do you mean?

SUSANAH TOMKINS About the tea?


SUSANAH TOMKINS Thomas called mewe met for a drink. He started sobbing. I'm here to help. That's all. We can't all be heroes, you know. As much as we'd like to be.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Honestly, I'm having a certain amount of trouble understanding what you're really saying.

SUSANAH TOMKINS Perhaps when you know me better.
As she strides down to the couch, the lights darken except for a pool around DR. CHAPMAN, who faces out.
52
Music plays in the background as he walks directly downstage.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN I was in surgerythis was a year and seven months ago. We were all scrubbed and masked. In our uniforms. The scalpel in my hand, and as I worked and
my hand grew tiredit's difficult, you know. The flesh fights back. You have to force the blade. Force it. I went deeper, and then ... I stopped. Everyone thought I was resting. They wiped my
brow, and I stood there thinking that it was a person lying there and I was just this man with a knife. I finished, of course, and it was fine. Successfulas far as everyone else was
concerned. But I thought I better take a little break. A day or two, a few weeks. I haven't picked up a scalpel since.
Behind him, the others laugh as they sit with their tea, and DR. CHAPMAN moves to join them.

SUSANAH TOMKINS Well, I thought it was off the mark.

THOMAS AMES I have to admit that it is the kind of movie that invites you to be harsh in your criticism, but I still think a person can

SUSANAH TOMKINS I wasn't harsh on it. I took it on its own terms.

THOMAS AMES No, no, I mean, it has pretensions of being serious, but it's really intended purely as entertainment, and so if you are taken in by its less integral aspects, its more
superficial kind of surface things, then you will misapply your own critical standards and judge it harshly. It's really slight, and if you look at it that way, it's quite fulfilling.
53

SUSANAH TOMKINS I don't think it deserves that much thought, actually, for goodness' sake. I did nothing more than sit and react.

THOMAS AMES But what I'm doing is I'm just trying to hopefully kind of delineate where the sense of confusion in your response comes from, because I really think that's it.

SUSANAH TOMKINS Maybe.

THOMAS AMES I'm sure of it.

ANTHONY I didn't see it.

SUSANAH TOMKINS You didn't miss much.

THOMAS AMES I liked it. I found it satisfyingbut strictly on its own terms.

SUSANAH TOMKINS Well, you could be right, I suppose, but I have no intention of testing your theory by seeing it again.

ANTHONY You can rent the video in a few months.

SUSANAH TOMKINS A dubious opportunity from where I'm sitting. A film like that is like Ben and Jerry's Marshmallow Dream for the mind. It's like injecting fat directly into your brain.

THOMAS AMES Please, Susanah, protect me from ever ending up on your worstten list.

SUSANAH TOMKINS I am unforgiving, at least aesthetically.
54

ANTHONY Robert.


ANTHONY Tell me about death.


ANTHONY What it's like, what happens.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN What do you mean?

ANTHONY What happens when you die?

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Wellyou mean you want me to tell you what happens when you die?

ANTHONY You're a doctor; you should know.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN I don't know what you mean.

SUSANAH TOMKINS Are you asking how does it manifest, Anthony? What does the body do?

ANTHONY Yes.

SUSANAH TOMKINS He's asking about the physical experience, Dr. Chapman, not

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Oh! You mean in the bodyis that what you mean?the physical details! Anthony, I thought you

ANTHONY What? The afterlife? No, no, no.

SUSANAH TOMKINS Why would he ask you about that?
55

ANTHONY
(little laugh) No, no, I wouldn't ask that. In fact, I'll do my best to tell you about that when I get there. I'll report back.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN So it's the physical details you're inquiring about?

SUSANAH TOMKINS Of course.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Well.... Like what? Do you have some specific area that

ANTHONY The death rattle.

THOMAS AMES Is there such a thing?

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN It's been called that.

SUSANAH TOMKINS But that's not what it in fact is. I mean, "Death" rattling.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Well, no. I mean, there's sometimesactually, it's very common, that certain secretions in the lungs cannot be cleared, and the bodythe body makes this last
effort to clear them.

ANTHONY The body is a singleminded bore. Live, live, live. That's all it wants. Is there anything I should have, something Thomas and I might not have thought of, so that I am
prepared, so I am not caught off guard? Any kind of equipment we should buy to get ready?

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Not that I can think of at the moment. You have the diapers.
56

THOMAS AMES He has to die in diapers?

ANTHONY Thomas, I think your fastidiousness makes you miss the point. I live in diapers.

THOMAS AMES I was thinking of your dignity.

ANTHONY Ah. Yes. Well. Don't bother.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN You see there is at the time of death a relaxation of the bowel and the urinary sphincters, so that it would be best if

THOMAS AMES I shouldn't have asked.

ANTHONY You didn't. I'm the one that asked. I hadn't seen the movie. So I changed the subject. I'm the one that asked.

SUSANAH TOMKINS That is what happened, Thomas.

THOMAS AMES And then I asked.

ANTHONY No, you didn't.

THOMAS AMES Well I said something. And I shouldn't have. That's what I'm saying.
(Rising, starting to collect the teacups on the tray.) Whatever I said when I thought I was asking was something I shouldn't have said.
(Moving upstage right with the loaded tray.) We were having a nice conversation there andI mean, it was almost as if we were just all together, having a nice evening, an ordinary, simple

(He freezes, then turns to face them.) I'm terrified of the police. I always have been. The idea, the idea they terrify me. They can just take you and put you in
57
jail. Put handcuffs on you. March you off and lock you up. Dr. Chapman, do you think that I should see a lawyer in order to prepare for what might happen? I mean, what if we're caught
and I'm putI'm put in prison? It could happen. It could. No one can tell me it couldn't.
(He begins to weep.) And I'm losing Anthony. That's what I can't bear. Even as he is, with all his suffering, he's here. He's here! But if we do this he'll be gone and there's not a thing I can
do about it.
THOMAS turns and walks off. ANTHONY starts to rise and walk as THOMAS returns. ANTHONY moves to him.

ANTHONY
(reaching to touch and console THOMAS) Oh, please. Please, Thomas. It's all right.

THOMAS AMES It's not. It's not all right.

ANTHONY Of course not, but
DR. CHAPMAN and SUSANAH watch as THOMAS and ANTHONY sag into each other's arms.

SUSANAH TOMKINS
(spinning back, facing the table) It's so fucking awful!

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN
(starting to rise) I thinkI don't think anybody's ready for this. Nobody's ready to do this.
(On his feet, he moves to his coat, which hangs over an upstage chair.) Neither of you is ready, and to tell the truth, I'm not either.

THOMAS AMES What? No, no. What do you mean?

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN It's obvious, isn't it?
(Heading for the door and looking back at her.) Susanah?
58

SUSANAH TOMKINS What?

ANTHONY
(pursuing DR. CHAPMAN) No!

THOMAS AMES But Anthony, we have to listen to him if he thinks we should put it off, or postpone it, or

ANTHONY Please. PLEASE! It's only a matter of a few minutes of misery for each of us, and then my misery will be overit will all be over. You will lose me anyway! I'm gone anyway. I'm
gone now!

THOMAS AMES Nooo, you're

ANTHONY This is not Anthony! This stinking baby in diapers who cannot eat, who cannot think, is not a man! You cannot be so selfish! You, Thomas; I need your commitment most of all!

SUSANAH TOMKINS But the certaintythe certainty is so difficult. I don't know how anyone can know what is right absolutely in this kind of situation.

ANTHONY I do. I know.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN It's me. No, no, what I feel is that I'm putting too much pressure on everything.
(Adjusting his coat.) My presence is demanding that you move from the level of discussion, the level of possibility, into reality, into action right now, when neither of you is

ANTHONY But that is why we wanted you here. It's why I summoned you.
ANTHONY pursues DR. CHAPMAN, and they pace along the edge of the platform, moving downstage.
59

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN What I'm trying to say is that my involvement makes your death real, and near. It makes it close.

ANTHONY I know.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN But Thomasfor Thomas, the whole matter is not as clear as it is for you.

ANTHONY But I am the one who is to die.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Yes, Anthony. You're resolved, but he isn't, and you demand his participation. I feel everything slipping because there are too many unsettled, unexamined
feelings in this, so that it's slipping out of what little control I havewe have. I'm ready to withdraw. Now. I feel I should. I'm beginning to feel quite out of place.

ANTHONY No. I beg you.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Oppressive. I feel oppressive.

ANTHONY Dr. Chapmanto move us to action is why we called you

THOMAS AMES Dr. Chapman, pleasethis is my fault.
(Coming forward, interrupting.) It's my fault. You're the answer to Anthony's prayers. To him you are a kind of salvation.
(He sits on the chair by the couch.) You must not leave him. My feelings are not to be taken seriouslythey must be seen as secondary, and they have to be subordinated by all of us to
whatever Anthony wants.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Susanah, what do you think?

SUSANAH TOMKINS I feel I shouldn't intrude. I'm trying not to intrude.
60

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN But what do you think? Honestly?

SUSANAH TOMKINS It's your advice they want. It's you they're asking.
ANTHONY, exhausted, moves toward the couch.

ANTHONY Thomas.

THOMAS AMES Yes.

ANTHONY Thomas, listen.
(As he sags onto the couch and faces THOMAS.) I feel that perhaps I have asked too much of you.

THOMAS AMES No. I will manage it.

ANTHONY But if I didn't demand that you be with me, perhaps it would be easier.

THOMAS AMES What do you mean?

ANTHONY Not with me when it happens.

THOMAS AMES Not with you? Not holding you?
(Moving to join ANTHONY on the couch, taking his hand.) You would be alone.

ANTHONY I would be with Dr. Chapman. It's too difficult for you, Thomas. We both know it. You could be somewhere elsewith Susanah, perhaps.

THOMAS AMES No.

SUSANAH TOMKINS You said your desires should be secondary, Thomas, that you should subordinate yourself to what Anthony wants. Did you really mean that?
61

THOMAS AMES Yes. I don't know. I'm saying a lot of things

SUSANAH TOMKINS I think you should listen to him.

ANTHONY
(to DR. CHAPMAN) Thomas simply cannot lie. It's not in his nature. If he were questioned by the police, he would have to tell the truth. His attempts to lie would be hopeless. He simply
can't. It's a virtue, really.
(To THOMAS.) You know it's true, Thomas.
(To DR. CHAPMAN.) We must find a way to help him be less involved. To protect him.

THOMAS AMES Where would I be, then? If I wasn't with you.

ANTHONY I don't know.

SUSANAH TOMKINS You could be with me. We could

THOMAS AMES But Anthony, we've planned everything through so completely. I mean, the little things I was going to do for you. The lighting in the room, and the music that I would
make sure was playing.

ANTHONY
(to DR. CHAPMAN) We were going to play this Bach piece. To have it on the stereo as I took the pills.

THOMAS AMES You need that.

ANTHONY
(to THOMAS) But I could do it. I could start the music. Make sure it started, and then I would take the pills as instructed by Robert. Who would maybe even be there with me to help me, to
guide me. So I did it right.

THOMAS AMES And what would I do? Where would I be?
62

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN You could wait in the living room with Susanah.

ANTHONY You would not be with us.

SUSANAH TOMKINS Does this make sense to you, Dr. Chapman?
(Approaching, she settles on the chair to the right of the couch.) Does it seem feasible?

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN I could be there.
(Approaching, he settles on the chair to the left of the couch.) With him. To monitor him. And you and Thomas couldwell, wait in the living room.

THOMAS AMES What are you saying?
(Rising, as if to escape their gathering.) That we would be somewhere in the apartment waiting the whole time until he dies?

SUSANAH TOMKINS We wouldn't have to. I mean, it wouldn't be necessary that we be here. We could go outsomewhereand return to find him dead.

THOMAS AMES Where would we go?

SUSANAH TOMKINS I don't know. Anywhere.

THOMAS AMES
(pacing behind the couch) It seems so weird when I think about it, just sitting in the living room, knowing what's going on in the next room.

SUSANAH TOMKINS We could go out. I think we would have to. For a walk.

THOMAS AMES I couldn't just walk around.

SUSANAH TOMKINS Or to the movies. We could go to the movies.
63

ANTHONY What movie?

THOMAS AMES I don't know. Why?

ANTHONY I was just wondering.

THOMAS AMES I don't know what movie. I don't know anything at this point.

SUSANAH TOMKINS We would have to be out for how long? An hour? Two?

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN
(slipping out of his overcoat, leaving it on the chair on which he sits) Oh, no. Much longer.

THOMAS AMES Longer? How long?

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Perhaps all day?

THOMAS AMES All day!
He approaches the others; they watch him.

THOMAS AMES I don't think I can stand it. This is insane. Listen to us.
(He stands looking down; these are the terms of his return.) I don't think I can stand it. That's what I'm saying.

ANTHONY It's all right.

THOMAS AMES Is it? IS IT? I have no idea.
(He sits again on the couch beside ANTHONY.)

ANTHONY But what will happen exactly?

SUSANAH TOMKINS We'll come back. We'll find you.
64

THOMAS AMES And then what?

SUSANAH TOMKINS We would have to call somebody, I would guess. A doctor.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Yes. But not me.

THOMAS AMES Should it be the clinic? I'm not sure we should call the clinic.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Well, somebody must be called.

SUSANAH TOMKINS Nineoneone?

THOMAS AMES What will they do? They'll be strangers, won't they?

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN I think the clinic.

SUSANAH TOMKINS All right thenand then what if theywhat if the doctor notifies the police?

THOMAS AMES Yes, yes. Because Anthony makes no secret of his desires in this regard when he's at the clinic. Isn't that right, Anthony?

ANTHONY Isn't what right?

THOMAS AMES That there are people at the clinic who know you want to die.

ANTHONY I have spoken my heart, yes. Why?

THOMAS AMES They've even threatened to withhold pain medication because they thought him "high risk."
65

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Wait a minute! What have you told them, Anthony?

ANTHONY I have never mentioned you, Dr. Chapman.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN This is very unnerving!
(Rising, he paces away.) I mean, days ago, we spoke about thiswe agreed that we required secrecy, that we required discretion, and then I come in here and find Susanah; now you're
telling me that you go about justwhen were you last at the clinic?

ANTHONY It's not as if such sentiments are unique to me don't think that.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Well, what should I think?

ANTHONY Such talk is quite common in our waiting room gatherings. Most express the desire to die at one point or another. Some die, others don't. It is not as if the things I've said set
me apart in some particular, exaggerated way.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN
(moving behind the couch, behind ANTHONY) Anthony, listen to me. At the clinic, next time, I want you to do something for me.

ANTHONY Yes, what?

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN I want you to ask them for a prescription of fifty LevoDromoran tablets. It's a narcotic. They'll be useful to us. But, more importantly, it will give us a clear
sense of how worried they are about you in this area. If they're really worried, they won't give them to you. Can you do that?
66

ANTHONY All right. Yes, I'll ask them.

SUSANAH TOMKINS You seem very disturbed on this point, Dr. Chapman.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN What we're talking about is against the law. We have to understand that no matter what our feelings of right or wrong, or compassion, or even moral authority,
we are conspiring to commit an illegal, criminal act. And that is how we will be viewed if what we've done is discovered. We will be viewed as criminals. Murderers, even.

THOMAS AMES You're saying all this for my benefit, aren't you. Because of what I admitted about my feeling about jail. Just understand that I want to go forward. I'm sorry for my
weakness in these things. We have to ignore it. I have to try to control it, but if I can't, then we must all ignore it. All of us.

SUSANAH TOMKINS What are you thinking, Dr. Chapman?

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN
(grabbing his overcoat) I'm quite late for another appointment. I really didn't expect things to get so complicated.

ANTHONY You're going? But what is it? Can't you change it?

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN
(heading for the door) No.

ANTHONY I'll walk you to the door.

THOMAS AMES No, no. Let me; Anthony, you shouldn't

ANTHONY I want to. I can.
As ANTHONY follows DR. CHAPMAN toward the door:
67

ANTHONY
(privately) Where are you going?

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN I told you. I have an appointment.

ANTHONY Don't lie to me, Robert.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN I'm notwhy would you say that?

ANTHONY You're running away.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN No, no. I have an appointment.
(Calling.) Good night, Thomas, Susanah.

THOMAS AMES Good night.

SUSANAH TOMKINS Good night, Dr. Chapman. Thank you.
DR. CHAPMAN exits.

THOMAS AMES
(approaching ANTHONY) You shouldn't exert yourself unnecessarily, like that. I could have walked him to the door.

ANTHONY But I wanted to.

THOMAS AMES And so you did.

ANTHONY That's right. I did. I'm worried he won't come back.

THOMAS AMES What did he say? Did he say that?

ANTHONY No.
ANTHONY starts across from stage left to right. THOMAS reaches and touches ANTHONY as he passes.

THOMAS AMES You think I'm driving him away, don't you.
68

ANTHONY No.

THOMAS AMES You do.

ANTHONY No. I'm going to bed now. I'm very tired.
Still seated, SUSANAH watches.

THOMAS AMES Good night. I'll be in in a minute.
THOMAS stands as ANTHONY crosses away. SUSANAH watches as the distance between them grows. Then ANTHONY, at the stage right edge, freezes, facing upstage while THOMAS,
at upstage left, turns away. They go into silhouette. Music plays in the background as SUSANAH is isolated in a pool of light. Slowly, she faces out.

SUSANAH TOMKINS Once ... I remember a beach, and the three of us. One of those islandsa little oneway off. We'd traveled together, like comrades, or musketeers, or stooges.
And the water was this strange, shocking blue. They were in the shallows, Thomas and Anthony, throwing a beach ball back and forth, and the sky was so bright it seemed sort of
exploding, the sun glaring down, and I thought of snow. Looking up, I thought of the way it falls. The way snow is cold and delicate, and yet it falls.
BLACKOUT
END OF ACT ONE
69
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Act 2
ACT TWO
70
Dreamy light. ANTHONY wanders. Music plays in the background. Almost limping, he makes his way out onto the upstage left edge. A phone begins to ring. Lights up on DR. CHAPMAN's
table and phone. The phone rings again and then DR. CHAPMAN, wearing his pajamas, comes running out from downstage left. He crosses the apron to the phone and picks it up.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Hello.
ANTHONY is in a pool of light.

ANTHONY Dr. Chapman, hello?

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Anthony. Hello.

ANTHONY Hello.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Are you all right?

ANTHONY Soso. I'm soso.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN What time is it? It's the middle of the night. Where are you?

ANTHONY I'm in our living room.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Goodnessit's almostit's nearly four in the morning.
71

ANTHONY Is it? Did I wake you?

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Well, yes. But that's all right. Couldn't you sleep?

ANTHONY You have become my friend in such a short time, Robert. You will be there for me, won't you. You have not run away. I was afraid that you had. But I know that's not true. You
will keep your promise.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN What I have promised, Anthony, I will do.

ANTHONY Because you are my angel now. Do you know that? You are the angel my prayers searched for and found. But I must ask you for something more. Are you listening?


ANTHONY I must ask you to help Thomas too. We must find a way to help him, a way to protect him. Will you do that?

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN I really think you should try and get some sleep now, Anthony. Does Thomas know you're up?

ANTHONY Will you do it, though? Will you help him? You know I'm right.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Yes. I'll try.

ANTHONY I am tired.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Of course you are. All right, then. Good night.
(He speaks again, insisting.) Good night, Anthony.

ANTHONY Good night, Dr. Chapman.
72
They hang up. As DR. CHAPMAN puts the phone down, he looks out.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN An "angel" he calls me. An "angel." Well, maybe.
(He begins to change from his pajamas into a shirt, shoes, his suit.) I know what he wants. It's a prayer, really. His prayer. Deliver him. Intercede. Give him the relief he needs. Fly to him,
and with my bag of pharmaceutical tricks perform a miracle. Well, maybe. He calls to me, and I think, Is it really miracles that I bring? Well, maybe. Almost. Once I was to be his
"instrument." Now I am his "angel." At first glance two very different things. And yet I'm wondering, Are they so different? Are they really so different? What both do, finally, is work the will of
another. Some superior other? Both are in fact more or less useless until they're moved, until they are directed. So they're servants, really. Slaves, actually. And yet they share an
appealing traita wondrous traitone that I want, because of the way it will place me outside the compunctions and strictures holding me in. Such common human cares would have no
meaning were I an instrumentno meaning were I an angel.
(He is in his suit now, facing out.) As the one, I will be inanimate and mindless, and so completely unbothered by our moral fuss. As the other, as the angel, I will be supernatural. I will
occupy a privileged realm beyond all recrimination.
He turns now and faces up center. ANTHONY is revealed dressed in a suit. He stands near the couch and coffee table, holding a tray with water, pills, a glass.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN I will act from a place indifferent to reproach, no matter what I do, no matter how cataclysmic my deeds.
(He walks toward ANTHONY.)
73

ANTHONY I'm ready. I'm ready now. I'm doing it.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN I know.
As they settle on the couch at the table:

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN It's time. You're right.
(He spreads the pills on the table.)

ANTHONY I'm ready. I'm ready. I really am.
(He drinks, but he is clearly taking in too much water.) See!
(He drinks again.) See!

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Anthony! No, no. That's not the way.

ANTHONY It is. It's what you taught me. It's what you did.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN
(Worried) No.

ANTHONY It is.

ANTHONY drinks again, clearly taking too much water, and DR. CHAPMAN reaches to physically stop him.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Stop! No, no, you're drinking too much water. You'll fill up too quickly, Anthony. It won't work.

ANTHONY I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I thought I was doing what you said.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN No, no. Not at all.

ANTHONY Show me, then. Show me. You do it, you show me.

74

ANTHONY You do it. Show me the way to do it.
As ANTHONY pours the pills into DR. CHAPMAN's hand and hands him the water:

(The water already in his hand, he takes a pill.) Now watch.

ANTHONY Yes.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN
(Mincingly, he takes a pill.) There. See.

ANTHONY No. That's not how you do it.

(Mincingly, he takes another pill.) Watch.

ANTHONY No, no. You do it like this.
ANTHONY raises a handful of pills to his mouth, jams them in, and gulps.

ANTHONY Quickly. We don't have much time.
Raising a handful to his mouth, DR. CHAPMAN does as instructed. He takes the pills, drinks, and begins gulping and coughing.

ANTHONY Yes, yes. Do a few more. You need a few more.
As DR. CHAPMAN takes more pills and drinks:

ANTHONY That's right. Good. Faster. Just a few more.
Growing sluggish, DR. CHAPMAN turns to ANTHONY.

(trying to offer the pills and water to ANTHONY) You. You.

ANTHONY
(shoving the pills back) No. You.
Music plays in the background, weird, groaning, spooky.
75

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN
(taking more pills) I'll die.

ANTHONY No, no.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN
(growing dizzy, slurring) I will. You're killing me.

ANTHONY No, no.
(rising, a needle and bottle in his hand) Nooo. Here's the syringe.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN You are. You're killing me. Don't you see what you're doing?
ANTHONY draws the morphine and squirts a tiny spray into the air.

ANTHONY Shhhhhhhhhhhh.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Anthony.

ANTHONY No.
(He hands the needle to DR. CHAPMAN.)

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN What? What?
(injecting the drug into his own arm) What? I don't know what. I'm ... I'm ...

ANTHONY Let yourself go. Let yourself go.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN
(sagging backward) Let yourself go, Anthony.

ANTHONY Let yourself go, Anthony. Let yourself go.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Go. Please, Anthony. Please. Go, go.

ANTHONY Are you feeling woozy, Dr. Chapman?

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Don't ask me that, don't ask me that, don't ask me.
76

ANTHONY I think you are. I am.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN No. No. Not woozy. Not woozy.
The thunderous jangle of an alarm clock fills the air, and DR. CHAPMAN bolts up, screaming.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN
(Screaming, he awakens from a nightmare.) Aggggggggggggghhhhhh!
On the screen we see projected: FEBRUARY 1, 1990.
Lights up on the DOORMAN, who stands reading a newspaper, a phone to his ear.

DOORMAN That's what they're saying. It's right here in black and white. The trade rumors are rampant. Mike and the Mad Dog are incensed! Buy it yourself, if you don't believe me,
Bobby, it's on the newsstand. You got a nearby newsstand, right? Read the damn story and then argue with me if you want to.
As DR. CHAPMAN strides across the apron toward him:

DOORMAN I gotta go.
(Hanging up, stepping in front of DR. CHAPMAN.) Doc, Doc, I'm sorry, but that ticket thing isn't going to work out. I got carried away, you know. I thought this guy was somebody I could
count onhe has a season pass, he sells them when he can't go. He's sold the rest of the goddamn season to some total stranger. So I'm sorry to disappoint you. Maybe we could just get
together and watch a game on TV.
As DR. CHAPMAN moves on past the DOORMAN, heading for the upstage left corner of the platform:

DOORMAN If you're mad at me, I don't blame you, Doc. But TV could be fun! You think it over.
Lights up on THOMAS, ANTHONY, and SUSANAH; the three of them are disturbed.
77

SUSANAH TOMKINS Yes, but what did he say?

THOMAS AMES He sounded distraught.

ANTHONY But what did he say?

THOMAS AMES He had to see us.

ANTHONY Has something gone wrong?

THOMAS AMES He didn't say. He just said he had to see us.
The doorbell rings. SUSANAH runs to open the door, and DR. CHAPMAN steps in.

SUSANAH TOMKINS Dr. Chapman, how are you?


THOMAS AMES You gave me quite a scare. What's wrong? Is there something wrong?


ANTHONY You're sure.

THOMAS AMES Would you like a cup of tea? Or coffee?


THOMAS AMES I have some coffee cake. I didn't bake it myself, but

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN I'll have some coffee.

THOMAS AMES All right. Good.
(He heads for the kitchen.)
78

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN It's too soon!

THOMAS AMES
(freezing, turning back) What?

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN It's too soon. February tenth is too soon.

SUSANAH TOMKINS Something's happened and you're not telling us.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN No, no, I just don't think Anthony's ready. I don't think you're ready, Anthony.

ANTHONY Why do you say that? What's happened? I am prepared.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Then answer me one question. I have one question! If you're so prepared, why haven't you done it already?

THOMAS AMES What?

ANTHONY Something's happened. Susanah, make him tell us what's happened.

SUSANAH TOMKINS None of us know exactly what it is you're saying, Dr. Chapman. Could you be a little more

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Why hasn't he done it? Why have you chosen such an unreliable method, Anthony? There are guns. Go to a store that sells hunting equipment. You can walk
out with a shotgun. That'll do it. That's been proven. Or rent a car. Go to Hertz, and then drive it off a cliff.

THOMAS AMES You're not serious.
(To SUSANAH.) He's not serious, is he?
79

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN I'm very serious. And I'm asking him to be serious. I'm asking Anthony to think honestly about why he has chosen a method that is so uncertain when there
are other ways.

ANTHONY I am not a violent person, Dr. Chapman.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN You're not a violent person, but you want to kill yourself.

ANTHONY I couldn't do such things to myself.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN That's my point, Anthony. You're making my point. Look at how you keep worrying about Thomas. You're still so attached to him. Is that the behavior of
someone who wants to die?

THOMAS AMES I knew it. I knew it. I knew that's what you were getting around to. I'm the obstructionI'm the

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN No! But you're unreliable! And the whole thingeverything we've considered is very, veryI mean, lies will be necessary, but you won't be able to tell them,
Thomas. You won't.

ANTHONY
(pulling a vial from his pocket, presenting it) I have the LevoDromoran tablets, Robert, see. Like you asked of me. Remember? I did just as you asked at the clinic.

THOMAS AMES I said I'd make some coffee, but I didn't.
(He starts off.)

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN
(taking the pill vial, settling on the couch) I'll take a cup.

SUSANAH TOMKINS Me too.
80

ANTHONY I performed at the clinic just as you asked, Dr. Chapman. I laughed and joked. I spoke only of the future and only of my determination to fight. I think I was a little bit clichéd
and sentimental. But they gave them to me. You said that would mean they suspect nothing. I passed the test. We have nothing to fear from them.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN
(holding the pills) I have an alternative.

ANTHONY An alternative to what, Robert?

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN To these. To the pills. Anthonyyou could simply stop eating and you could stop drinking, and then you wouldin just days you would

SUSANAH TOMKINS
(calling off) Thomas, I think you should come in here!

ANTHONY Wait, wait, let him finish.

THOMAS AMES
(from off) Be right there!

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN This would be legal. It would not take long only a few days, and you would be dead.

ANTHONY From what?

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Of starvation. Of dehydration.
As THOMAS comes in with a tray of coffee, cups, saucers:

SUSANAH TOMKINS He's telling Anthony to starve himself to death.

THOMAS AMES What?

SUSANAH TOMKINS That if he just didn't eat or drink for several days, he would die of starvation. It would be legal.
81

THOMAS AMES That's insane. Isn't it?
(to ANTHONY) Or do you think you could do that?

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN His condition is so weak already that it would only be a matter of a short timea few days and then, well

ANTHONY But I would be awake, wouldn't I? Is that what you're saying? I would just sit there for days andno, nois that what you're saying? For hour after hour, saying, "No, I will not
eat, I will not drink."

THOMAS AMES And we would what? We would just sit here and watch him starve to death?

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN I see you, Anthonyand life comes out of you stilleven nowso much life.

ANTHONY I pray for it to be over, Dr. Chapman. I pray for it.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN I'm telling you a way. I'm telling you

ANTHONY No. No, we had the date, we'd worked out most of the details, I thought. What happened to you?

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Nothing.

ANTHONY No, no, something happened.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN I went to sleep and ...

ANTHONY Yes.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN And I was sleeping and ...

THOMAS AMES Yes.
82

SUSANAH TOMKINS What?

ANTHONY What?
(Facing DR. CHAPMAN.)

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN You don't want the gun. You don't want the knife or car. Not the crazy jump off the bridge.

ANTHONY
(hopeful) No.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Do you know why? So it's familiarjust taking a pilllike taking an aspirin, or a decongestant, or an antibiotic.

ANTHONY Yes.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN And then sleep.

ANTHONY
(pleased that DR. CHAPMAN is getting it) Yes.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN So it's all familiar and gentle.

ANTHONY Yes.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN No violence. No death, even, really. Just a pill and then sleep. A trick and then sleep. So it's civilized.

ANTHONY Yes! Do you know why I think we're having this conversation, Robert? What it means? I think we have left too much unclear. Too much has not been agreed upon by us all.
The plan is not precise enough, Robert.
(Suddenly exhausted, latching onto DR. CHAPMAN.) I think we need to work it all out, every detail exactly. So we know. Then it will be easier to accept. I know I have questions. We all
must.
With DR. CHAPMAN'S assistance, ANTHONY makes his way to the couch.
83

ANTHONY Let's do that. I want to do that. We will know then that there can be no retreat. It must be at night. That's the first thing I know. With absolute, with perfect certainty, it must be
in the dark. Do you all agree?

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN I'm exhausted.
(He settles in the stage left chair, takes off his coat.)

ANTHONY We have the date, and it must be at night. Is there any need to change it, Dr. Chapman? Is there any need to change the date?


ANTHONY Then what I want first, in the late part of the day, is to spend some time with my friends, with Susanah and Thomas. A dinner, a last dinner together. That's another thing about
which I'm certain. Is there a problem with that, Dr. Chapman?

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Well, yes, there is. You can't really eat anything, Anthony. You know, the pills. You don't want to throw up the food, and so

ANTHONY Of course not, no, no.

SUSANAH TOMKINS Of course he couldn'twe'd be careful.
(Moves in, sits down.)

ANTHONY But I can sit with them. Spend time with them.


ANTHONY That would be all right. The two of us first, Thomas and myself alone, and then the three of us.
DR. CHAPMAN is nodding.
84

THOMAS AMES Maybe we shouldn't have any dinner.
(Moves in, sitting on the couch with ANTHONY.)

ANTHONY No, no, I want it. A dinner table fully set, with candles and our plates we brought from France. And then the music, Dr. Chapman, and the slides.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN That's up to you.

ANTHONY I want it. But it must all be set up for me. The music, the Bach, and the slides of my life, so that I can watch them, the slides of my friends and loved ones set up to project. I
won't be able to set the projector up.

SUSANAH TOMKINS No, no, of course not. We understand that.

ANTHONY Will that be all right, Dr. Chapman?

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN It doesn't matter to me.

ANTHONY Thomas and I will spend the day together, and then Susanah could join us. We will dine together, and say goodbye.
(He sags and lies down, his head on THOMAS'S lap.)

SUSANAH TOMKINS I'll help with the slides and the music. I'll make certain they're all prepared.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN
(nodding) All right. Yes.

SUSANAH TOMKINS Thomas and I have had a kind of preliminary discussion of some of this, and what we were thinking is that maybe we should go out of town. After dinner, when we
leave here. We would take the train. We have friends in Princeton.

THOMAS AMES We've friends at the university there.
85

ANTHONY What time would this be?

THOMAS AMES We haven't settled that.

SUSANAH TOMKINS But we could spend the night there.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN The timetable must be very strict.

THOMAS AMES Yes.

SUSANAH TOMKINS Yes.

ANTHONY We all know that.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Your departure would have to be locked in at a somewhat early hoursay, fivethirty. And once we agree on a timetable, that timetable has to be inflexible, so
that we all know exactly where we should be and what we should be doing when Anthony starts taking the pills. If you knew, Anthony, that you were to start at six o'clockwhat time would
you want Thomas and Susanah to leave you? That's what I'm asking. How long would you need alone before you started?

ANTHONY I don't know.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN You'll need some time alone, I would think.

ANTHONY
(sitting back up) Yes.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN To make the transition. Before you start. Let's say they were to leave at fivethirtythat would mean an early dinner at four.
86

ANTHONY Is that all right?

THOMAS AMES It's fine with me.

SUSANAH TOMKINS Thomas would be here; I could arrive a little before that. Say threethirty.

ANTHONY All right, then. Threethirty.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN So then they'll be gone byyou'll have to be gone by fivethirty. At six P.M. Anthony will turn on the slides and he will turn on the music and he will begin to
take the pills. Six o'clock sharp. There can be no variation.

ANTHONY So I would be alone for one half hour. For my transition.


ANTHONY It is maybe too long. What do you think?

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Well, you could start at fivefortyfive.

ANTHONY I could. Yes. Butnolet's keep it at six.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN You're sure.

ANTHONY Yes. Six.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN And you must take the pills as we've practiced. Slowly, methodically. Little sips.

ANTHONY Yes.
87

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Then at eightthirty, I will let myself in. Someone will have given me a key. I will have the morphine.

ANTHONY So you have decided, Robert. No longer can you say you have not decided, because you have, haven't you.

In a sudden spot of light, DR. CHAPMAN sits, brooding, thinking.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN He's right. But when did I decide? I can't locate that clear point where I decide to do itto find him holding on for dear life and then to simply nudge him over
the edge. Or did it just happen? Was it not so much a matter of
By now the lights have lifted to include the others and they are staring at DR. CHAPMAN.

SUSANAH TOMKINS Dr. Chapman?

(Startled, looking at them.) Sorry. When I arrive, I'll go to the bedroom and stay only long enough to make certain that Anthony is dead. If he's not, I'll use the morphine; I'll inject the
morphine. If he is dead, I'll leave without doing anything. I won't notify anyone.

THOMAS AMES So we won't know what happened?

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Either way, he will be dead. But you'll have to come back and find out, as if you had no idea.
THOMAS rises and strides toward the kitchen.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Thomas? Are you following this?
THOMAS stops.
88

THOMAS AMES
(turning back to them) Yes, yes. Justjust ignore me, please. We've agreed I should be ignored.

SUSANAH TOMKINS
(moving to THOMAS) You're doing fine, Thomas.

ANTHONY Go on, Robert.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN
(rising, approaching THOMAS) Are you all right, Thomas? I want you to tell me if you're not.

THOMAS AMES Can't you just ignore me? Can't you just do that?
(Turns to SUSANAH.) Tell him to ignore me.

SUSANAH TOMKINS Don't worry about Thomas, Dr. Chapman, I'll make sure that he

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN No. I have to be certain you're following what I'm saying, Thomas, and that you're in full agreement. By noon the next day, you and Susanah will return and
discover the body and call the clinic.

THOMAS AMES They'll send a doctor, won't they, whoever we tell?

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN They'll have to, and then it will be up to him, to this doctor, to pronounce death. This will be a highly critical, highly precarious moment for us all, the time that
he is here with the two of you. If he starts asking questions, just remember that you were out of town. You know nothing. If he gets suspicious and demands an autopsy, you will have to
resort to the codicil in Anthony's will requesting that there be no autopsy. That should stop him.

SUSANAH TOMKINS Do you think it will?
89

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN It's really all we can do. They should respect it and remove the deceased.

ANTHONY And then what?

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN You mean after they take the bodyyour body away?
(Returning to his chair, sitting.) Well, that should be the end of it. If it all goes well, that should be the end of it. All right? Does everyone understand? Are we clear?

THOMAS AMES
(moving off toward the kitchen) Yes.

SUSANAH TOMKINS
(following THOMAS) Yes.
ANTHONY sits watching as THOMAS and SUSANAH start to walk away.

ANTHONY Maybe we should go over it one more time.

THOMAS AMES It's dizzying, really. I feel likeI mean, actually I never felt anything like this before, ever. I don't know what this feeling is.

ANTHONY Thomas and I will spend the day together and say goodbye.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN At four o'clock, Susanah, you will

SUSANAH TOMKINS No, no. I said threethirty. I will arrive at threethirty and we will dine together, the three of us will dine together.

ANTHONY But I won't eat.

SUSANAH TOMKINS No, you won't eat. At fivethirty Thomas and I will go to Princeton to spend the night.
90

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN At six P.M.Anthony?

ANTHONY I will start to take the pills. And I will do as I've been instructed until, well

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN At eightthirty I will let myself into the apartment. I will check Anthony, and if he isn't dead I will use the morphine, and I will not notify anyone. If he is dead, I
will not use the morphine, and I will not notify anyone. At noon the next day, Thomas and Susanah will return to discover the body and call the clinic. The doctor who comes to pronounce
death will ask questions, maybe demand an autopsy. If he does ...

SUSANAH TOMKINS We hope and pray the codicil to Anthony's will will stop him.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Yes, and

ANTHONY You forgot about the slides.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN I did?

ANTHONY You forgot about the musicthe Bachand the slides.

THOMAS AMES You're right. But we'll see to it.

ANTHONY It's very important. I won't be able to do it alone.

SUSANAH TOMKINS We know that. Sorry, Anthony.

THOMAS AMES Sorry.
91

SUSANAH TOMKINS We're sorry.
Lights go to black, except for on DR. CHAPMAN and ANTHONY. DR. CHAPMAN is still seated on the chair in a pool of faint light. ANTHONY is seated in the opposite chair, but he is lit in
a ghostly way, as if he isn't really there. Music plays in the background.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN
(thinking, brooding, speaking) Primitive people saw death less certainly, less categorically, as the enemy, than we do. For them, the rock, the flower, the tree, the deer, the buffalo, the bird,
the rain all had souls animating them. In their world, everything possessed soul and so it was plentiful, soul was plentiful.
He takes a tie from his pocket, buttons his collar, and puts the tie on, as he continues.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN They were members of a tribethey were participants in the tribeit was not an affiliation but an interior, essential aspect of themselves. When they passed
away, the tribe lived on. With the cessation of their life as human beings, they returned to the world of the great spirit hovering all around them in everything in a vast embrace that held all
of nature within it, that embodied all of nature. It's a belief far different from our modern faith, in which we are unique, individual egos. A far cry from our Christian concept in which death is
a wrenching that rips us away from the only living thing we know, our bodies. Our grave sites are dark holes, dark cells in which we are deposited and contained, walled off from nature and
from one another, encased in caskets that, like our egos, isolate us as we wait to be recalled through the doctrine of the Resurrection, whose stipulations condemn us to live forever as our
desperate singular selves.
A phone rings. On the screen we see the projection: FEBRUARY 8, 1990.
92
Lights up in the apartment as ANTHONY is hobbling to the phone, which he picks up.

ANTHONY Hello.... Oh, yes, Thomas. Hello.... No, no. It's fine. That's fine. Don't worry about it. As soon as you can, but don't worry about it.... Robert is here. We're just talking. See you
soon.... Yes. Byebye.
(He hangs up and moves back toward DR. CHAPMAN.)

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Where are they?

ANTHONY Having fun. Feeling guilty. Did you wear that tie intentionally, Robert?


ANTHONY That tie.
As DR. CHAPMAN looks down at the tie:

ANTHONY It's the tie you wore the first day you came here.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Is it? Really?

ANTHONY You didn't know?

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN I wore this on the first day I came here?

ANTHONY I thought you probably didn't know.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Really? You're sure.

ANTHONY I have an affinity for such tidbits.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN I had no idea. I just put it on.

ANTHONY Is such a thing possibly an accident?
93

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN I don't know. I do not know.

ANTHONY Do you suppose? What do you think?
DR. CHAPMAN looks up from his tie. He shrugs, gesturing his helpless ignorance of many things.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Will Thomas be back soon?

ANTHONY He said he was on his way home as soon as he hung up. Why?

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN I feel like going. I want to be gone before he arrives. Before he and Susanah arrive. I don't want to talk anymore. I'm sorry. Do you understand?

ANTHONY I have no desire to talk either. I really, truly don't.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Will you be all right alone for a few minutes?
(Glancing at his watch.)

ANTHONY Are you tired?

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN I am.
He rises and heads for his overcoat, which lies on an upstage chair.

ANTHONY I'm very tired; but then I'm always tired. I'll walk you to the door.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN You don't have to.

ANTHONY I think I do.
(But he can't, and he sags back down on the chair.)

ANTHONY I'm concerned that because of the diarrhea my body will not absorb the barbiturate. Am I right to worry?
94
As DR. CHAPMAN returns, carrying his coat:

ANTHONY I've seen more and more undigested tabletspotassium tabletsin my stool. They go right through my system.
(Rising to face DR. CHAPMAN.) The barbiturates could do the same thing, couldn't they, and just go through me?

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Don't worry. Don't worry, Anthony.
DR. CHAPMAN drops his coat. ANTHONY bends to retrieve it.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Let me get it.

ANTHONY No.
ANTHONY picks up the coat and holds it for DR. CHAPMAN to slip into.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Don't worry.

ANTHONY Without you, I must worry.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN We have the pills, a hundred and ten of the pills. Half would be enough. I have the morphine and the syringe.

ANTHONY You swear. You swear you will be there for me.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN I'll be there.

ANTHONY From my soul, I thank you.
He reaches and hugs DR. CHAPMAN, a strong, simple embrace that DR. CHAPMAN returns, patting ANTHONY on the shoulder. They stand like this and then they part. DR. CHAPMAN
nods and starts toward the door.
95

ANTHONY
(pulling a key from his robe pocket) Here is the key you are to use.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN
(faltering, stepping back) Oh, yes. The key.

ANTHONY It's my key.
Taking the key, DR. CHAPMAN starts to the door. Then he stops and looks back.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN I'll see you on Saturday.

ANTHONY Yes. But I won't see you.
Loud blast of a radio: the SPORTSCASTER's voice, the sounds of a hockey game. The DOORMAN gazes up, listening.

VOICE OF SPORTSCASTER With a twoman disadvantage, the Rangers are scrambling to protect their onegoal lead, while the Red Wings apply the pressure as they bring the puck
up the ice and Rankowski fires a long blast.

DOORMAN WHAT ARE THEY DOING! WHAT ARE THEY DOING?
As DR. CHAPMAN approaches:

DOORMAN It's torture, Doc. They're torturin' me. I only want the best for them, don't I? I want 'em to win. Isn't that what they want? Isn't that what they've devoted their lives to? Winning?
So why don't they do it?
DR. CHAPMAN is staring at the DOORMAN.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Oh. Eddie.

DOORMAN What'sa matter, Doc, is something wrong? You look like something's wrong?
96

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN No, no. Why?

DOORMAN You don't look like yourself, Doc. What is it?
DR. CHAPMAN turns out, isolated in a pool of light, while the DOORMAN stands a few yards off in a different pool of fading light. Music plays in the background.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN He knows me. How could I have forgotten? He's seen me come and go, and our conversations have a distorted importance to him, and so he will remember.
And yet I forgot. How could I? And yet I did. Is this forgetting like the act of putting on a certain tie on a certain day? A simple gesture of enormous effect performed from within perfect
ignorance.
(He storms across the apron to his phone and table.) More and more I feel like a criminal. And yet Anthony demands that I go on. He haunts me with the remnant of his smile. But I am
haunted in other ways, too. Simple things, ordinary things. Like this moment with Eddie. Once his greetings were a pointless pleasure, but nownow! The doorman knows me! The
doorman knows me! And all this occurs in anticipation of the deed. How far will this poison spread once the time has come and passed and Anthony is in fact dead? What will become of
my life? Will anything ordinary be left?
On the screen is projected: FEBRUARY 9, 1990.
The phone in DR. CHAPMAN'S apartment rings. He snatches it up.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Yes!

SUSANAH TOMKINS Dr. Chapman, this is Susanah. We need to speak to you.
The lights rise on the opposite side of the stage. SUSANAH is at the Beacon diner. THOMAS sits at the table with coffee. She is at a nearby pay phone.
97


SUSANAH TOMKINS Susanah Tomkins.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN What's happened?

SUSANAH TOMKINS We need to speak to you. Thomas and I. We're at an allnight dinerthe Beacon. It's near you. Thomas says you know it.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN I do. Yes. What happened?

SUSANAH TOMKINS You must come over. Can you come over?

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Actually, I'm in bed.

SUSANAH TOMKINS Listen to me, Doctor. Come over. I know now why I was brought into this situationwhat I am to do. And I think you know, too, don't you.


SUSANAH TOMKINS I think you do. How soon can you get here?

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Twenty minutes, I would say. Approximately.
SUSANAH hangs up. DR. CHAPMAN hangs up. Lights rise on THOMAS at the table. SUSANAH strides up.

SUSANAH TOMKINS He's coming right over.

THOMAS AMES
(sipping his coffee) What did he say?

SUSANAH TOMKINS That he'd be right over.
98

THOMAS AMES I hope he just does it. I hope he doesn't try to make us think it all through again. I can't think anymore. I can't do it.

SUSANAH TOMKINS You're doing fine, Thomas.

THOMAS AMES But I can't think anymore. I used to think that thinking went somewhere. That it, you know, progressed. That a person could think their way from one point to another.

SUSANAH TOMKINS Well, that's what we would all like to believe, I guess.

THOMAS AMES And I'm not doing fine. How can you say I'm doing fine?

SUSANAH TOMKINS Can I be honest? It's the fullness of your feelings for Anthony; they are just in some way overwhelming you. And I think there's a way in which you're very naive,
too, Thomas. I mean, we've discussed that. It's not that you can't think, so much as the fact that your thoughts are trying to rise through these big stormy waves that are drowning out the
thoughts you are having.

THOMAS AMES I don't feel like I'm thinking.

SUSANAH TOMKINS When a person loves someone as much as you love Anthony, they want to give them what they want. Especially when that person is in such desperate
circumstances. But watching you and caring about you the way I do, I can't blind myself to the distress you're in.

THOMAS AMES I'm ashamed of what we're doing.
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SUSANAH TOMKINS And what does that accomplish? Fine. Be ashamed. Good. Go ahead. Take your time. But what does it accomplish?

THOMAS AMES I don't know. I don't think it's supposed to be purposeful. I mean, utilitarian.

SUSANAH TOMKINS Anthony has always charmed you, he's even manipulated you. I mean, not cruelly or to your disadvantage, but still he's done it to get his way. I've never doubted
that he loved you. But he always wanted his way, and you didn't seem to care.

THOMAS AMES Sometimes I did.

SUSANAH TOMKINS Sometimes, sure. But not most of the time.

THOMAS AMES No. It was fun.

SUSANAH TOMKINS But this isn't fun, is it. And, of course, the point is that he has a right to choose to die if he wants to, but not to involve you beyond what you can tolerate. Beyond
what you can live with. So there's really no choice.

THOMAS AMES I pray sometimes at night. On and on for hours, sometimes. Like I did as a child. Anthony sleeps. I can't sleep and he sleeps. I don't want him to die.

SUSANAH TOMKINS There are limits to love. Weby who we are define those limits.

THOMAS AMES I looked over the other night and he was so peaceful, the way he was sleeping. He had what he wants. I started praying to God, you know, saying that if His mind is
made upif God's mind is made up to kill AnthonyI
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was prayingbegging, actuallythat He should just hurry up and do it.
SUSANAH looks up as DR. CHAPMAN enters and moves toward them.
THOMAS looks and watches DR. CHAPMAN cross the remaining few yards between them.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN What? What is it?

THOMAS AMES Thank you for coming, Dr. Chapman.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN
(sitting) Susanah didn't really give me any choice.

SUSANAH TOMKINS You're going to get caught.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN What are you talking about?

THOMAS AMES You know you are. We all know it.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Why do you say that? Has something happened?

SUSANAH TOMKINS We're just facing facts.

THOMAS AMES It'll never work.

SUSANAH TOMKINS None of us wants to do this. We never have. We've only tried to do it for Anthony.

THOMAS AMES I was honest about that with you right from the beginning.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN But we've worked everything out. I thought we had a plan that was satisfactory to everyone.

THOMAS AMES Susanah contacted the Hemlock Society.
101

SUSANAH TOMKINS I talked to a legal consultant there. He's very sympathetic to these things. He studies these things, and in his opinion we have no chance.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Are you sure who he is? How did you meet him?

SUSANAH TOMKINS No, no. I went there. I went to their chapter. And according to their legal consultant the whole idea of preventing the autopsy doesn't have a chance. It's a fantasy.
By New York law, the newly dead must be held for fortyeight hours before cremation. The odds are almost one hundred percent that someone in the coroner's office will examine the body.
And because of our circumstances, because of an almost automatic suspicion of suicide in such a situation as this one, the coroner will order an autopsy. And once there's an autopsy, any
injected substance will be discovered. They'll determine the time of death, and once they've done that, all they have to do is establish that you entered the building around that time. You
will have been seen entering and leaving. The doorman knows you, doesn't he.

THOMAS AMES Did you forget that?


SUSANAH TOMKINS When Thomas told me that, I was flabbergasted. What were you thinking?

THOMAS AMES He keeps telling me over and over how he knows you. What a great doctor you are.

SUSANAH TOMKINS Once it comes out that you were in the apartment at that time, the obvious question for anyone to ask will be "Why?" Why should a doctor with almost no practice
be
102
present at the death of his one and only patient? Especially when the patient is known to be thinking about suicide? The answer to that question will bring the police to your door. They'll
interrogate you, Dr. Chapman. They'll interrogate Thomas. They'll find out about me. We'll never manage it. How can we? We know nothing about coping in such circumstancesno, no,
you're fired. You're fired, and that's that. There's no other way.

THOMAS AMES The key Anthony gave youI know he gave you his key. So you could get in. You must give it back.
DR. CHAPMAN stares.

SUSANAH TOMKINS Please, Dr. Chapman.

THOMAS AMES I could have tended him to the end, the most unbearable endI could have cared for him no matter how awful it became. But I can't do this. I can't help kill him and then
be forced to lie about it to the policeall the while knowing I've broken the law and I'm going to get caught.

SUSANAH TOMKINS You must give us the key, Dr. Chapman.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN What about Anthony? I made him a promise.

SUSANAH TOMKINS It's all right, Dr. Chapman. You're not part of this anymore. You really didn't want to get involved. You know you didn't. You're relieved to hear what we're saying.
Just give in to it.
DR. CHAPMAN takes the key from his pocket.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN What will you tell Anthony?

SUSANAH TOMKINS Nothing.
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DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Nothing?
DR. CHAPMAN slides the key across the table, and THOMAS takes it.

SUSANAH TOMKINS We just won't tell him that you're not coming.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN The coward's way.

THOMAS AMES That's what we are, aren't we?

SUSANAH TOMKINS But maybe it'll work. Maybe he'll die.
The lights switch as THOMAS and DR. CHAPMAN move away. SUSANAH stands in a pool of light, facing out.

SUSANAH TOMKINS My philosophyif I can call it thathas always been more about the interpersonal moment. In other words, what are we doing? What can we do? These two men
were my friends. Anthony was the dear one. I mean, the one who was a delight. He was fun and startling, the way he would come up with the precisely appropriate gesture that was
somehow totally unexpected. But Thomas moved me more. And that's why I ended up doing what I did. At least, I think it is. There was Thomas, and he was going to live after all this,
wasn't he? Did the extremity of Anthony's circumstances eliminate every other concern? Was I wrong to side with the living? I know there are counterarguments, but in the version of the
dispute I conducted within myself the conclusion seemed absolute. I had to protect Thomas. For the longest time, I didn't know what I was to do, and I had the wisdom and patience not to
actnot to be rash, but to wait until it came to me, until I knew the function I was to provide. And once I knew, I did it. It's my strength, really. It's my virtue. Anthony needed a protection I
104
couldn't grant. But what Thomas needed was within my reach. So I gave it.
She turns and exits.
THOMAS enters with the pills, a pitcher of water, and a glass on a tray. He sets the tray down on the coffee table.
ANTHONY enters in a robe. He moves to the table and stands waiting, as SUSANAH enters with the slide projector, which she sets on the table beside the tray.
ANTHONY stands waiting. SUSANAH moves off to the side. THOMAS strides down right, facing out. He is alone in a sharp light.

THOMAS AMES We actually went to a movie. In Princeton. The train makes a series of local stops. People get on and off at Newark and Metro Park and Metuchen. All different sizes
and shapes of people. With everything hidden behind their eyes. The dinner the three of us shared was a weird, totally surreal experience. Susanah and me, trying to eat, while Anthony
sipped water and stole glances at the clock. The three of us sitting there, trying to talk, saying goodbye. I thought about telling him that I could not permit things to go forwardI wanted to
tell him that things had changedbut it seemed that if it was going to stop, he was the one to stop it. I kept sending him these messages with my eyes, to tell me what to do, looking at him
for a sign that he was reconsidering, sifting his behavior for the slightest nuance of an invitation. It was like the first time that I kissed him. Who goes first? Should I? Shouldn't I? Then I was
in a cab. The cab was on the street. Susanah was reading Time magazine, and somewhere in that interlude I started to imagine it all completed, all worked out. I imagined us returning to
find him dead. It was hazy, a kind of cottony aftermath,
105
the funeral, the tears. I imagined the crematorium and the firehis ashes in a vase. I filled with love of him, and an unearthly sadness, and then I imagined myself eating the ashes. I
imagined the spoon and I imagined the taste of the ashes in my mouth. Susanah, I realized, was staring into my eyes, and we were in fact on the train. I don't know what she saw. Our
friends in Princeton wanted to go to a movie and have a late dinner. They met us at the station and we went straight to the movie.
Music starts. On the screen we see the projection: FEBRUARY 10, 1990.
The music is the Pablo Casals recording of the 2nd Canon on the First Eight Bass Notes of the Aria Ground from Bach's "Goldberg" Variations. Variations 1, 2, 3, and 4.
ANTHONY moves forward and sits down facing out. He turns on the projector, which flashes forward on automatic. Blink after blink. ANTHONY looks at the first slide, then he takes one
pill, then a tiny sip. He shakes the pills out onto the tabletop. He pours some water into a glass. He lifts a pill to his lips and takes a little sip of water. He picks up another pill and takes
another sip of water. Another pill and another. He looks at a slide. He rises, startled by the slide, staring. He sits back down and reaches forward to take up the pills, his lower lip trembling.
He stops and sits there, shaking like a fevered child, and slowly, dutifully, his hands move to his mouth, bearing the pills, bearing the water. He takes another pill, growing sluggish now, his
eyes drooping, his lips slack, his fingers clumsy. He tries to pick up a tablet, which he keeps knocking around the tabletop, unable to pluck it up. He pursues the tablet with his fingers,
bumping it. And then his hand stops and he sits there, totally stupefied, eyes open, staring, dreaming for seconds. He tries to shake his head; he shakes his head slowly, like
106
a man underwater. He breathes, taking in a deep, labored breath. He looks down to find the pill and, as he does, his head follows the angle of his eyes, slamming down onto the tabletop,
banging his nose. There is blood slowly leaking from his nose and he wipes it over his face. He presses his hand to the tabletop, seeking leverage, and as he lifts himself into a tilted,
awkward, upright position, his other hand fumbles to lift the vial to his mouth and dump it in. The pills spill out, some going in his mouth, saliva and water dripping. He raises the glass and
tilts his head back, dumping the water over himself. He loses his grip on the glass, grabs for it. It falls to the floor and he falls after it, knocking the bottle over.
Nose bleeding, he kneels there, girding himself for a final lunge to stand. But as he makes his move, he has no balance. He has no strength; he topples sideways, pawing at the edge of
the table but sinking onto his side, his arm tangled beneath him. He can't stop himself from falling, and he sinks down onto the floor and lies there.
The music plays. The slides click on every ten seconds. Blink, blink. The lights are fading. The seconds tick by: ten, fifteen, twenty. His eyes flutter, slowly close. The music plays and he
lies there, and the lights close down around him, darkening, darkening. The music plays. ANTHONY lies there. The music ends.
On the screen we see projected: FEBRUARY 11, 1990.
THOMAS and SUSANAH enter and stand in silhouette upstage left, looking down. Slowly the lights rise on them.

THOMAS AMES Oh, God, oh, God.

SUSANAH TOMKINS What do you think? Can you tell?

THOMAS AMES I don't know.
107

SUSANAH TOMKINS We have to see. We have to be certain.

THOMAS AMES
(moving forward, turning off the projector) Ohh, this is so awful. Dammit.

SUSANAH TOMKINS Oh, God. I think he's alive.

THOMAS AMES Are you sure?

SUSANAH TOMKINS I don't know.
Moving close to ANTHONY, THOMAS kneels and lifts ANTHONY, examining him, listening for a heartbeat.

THOMAS AMES He's alive. He's alive.
A roar, a siren, a kind of chaos of noise cries through the air, growing louder. A phone starts to ring, the siren grows louder. A nurse/orderly sweeps through with a large broom, clearing the
mess. Two paramedics rush a hospital bed onto the stage. The paramedics load ANTHONY into the bed, attaching tubes and other apparatus. A large circular intensivecare isolation
curtain lowers from the ceiling, along with a bright lamp. Then the sound of numerous respirators, each inhaling and exhaling at its own pace, increases in volume, a steady wet noise like
the cascade from a fountain. At the same time, THOMAS and DR. CHAPMAN converge off to the side.

THOMAS AMES I had to call the ambulance, didn't I? What else could I do?

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN No, no, you did the right thing.

THOMAS AMES He was alive. Just lying there. It was so awful. He looked so awful.
108

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN You had no choice.

THOMAS AMES He looked so desolate.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN You did the right thing.

THOMAS AMES They said he had to go into intensive care. They put him on a respirator. They pumped out his stomach and washed out his stomach and put him on a respirator. He is
being fed intravenously. They said they didn't know if he was going to make it but they were going to try. It was preposterous!
THOMAS wheels away, and DR. CHAPMAN turns, looking at ANTHONY. Slowly, DR. CHAPMAN makes his way to the bed. He stands, looking down. He pulls up a nearby chair and sits.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Anthony.
(Pause.) Anthony, can you hear me?
ANTHONY opens his eyes and looks up.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Can you see me, Anthony. Ahhh, yes. You know I wasn't there.
ANTHONY stares at him. Because of the tube in his trachea, he can barely speak. He makes a sound.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Anthony, forgive me. Forgive us, if you can. But if you can't it's okay. I need to ask you some questions. Do you understand me?
ANTHONY, his eyes alert, nods.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Now listen carefully. If you need anything repeated, I can do that. You have pneumonia. They can treat you for it. Or they can let you go. Do you understand?
They can treat you, or they can let you go. Do you want to be treated for the pneumonia?
109
ANTHONY stares, and then he nods yes.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN You do. You want to be treated. Do you want to live?
ANTHONY stares, and then he nods yes.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN All right. I'll tell them.
DR. CHAPMAN leans back in his chair, his hands to his head as he tries to understand what he has just heard. Then he moves back to ANTHONY.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN You want to be treated. Do you still want to die, Anthony?
ANTHONY stares; he shakes his head no.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN
(patting ANTHONY'S hand) I'll tell them.
DR. CHAPMAN rises, faces out.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN I did what I said. I kept my word. I went to the doctors immediately and made sure they understood what Anthony had told me. I left no doubt about his desire
to live and urged them to labor to help him to the utmost of their ability. They would do their best, they told me, and as I looked into their eyes and listened to their firm tones, I knew that for
me at least the ordeal was over. All our plansthe detail and chatter of our effort to devise the proper actionto make it clear and rational, our precious plan. And yet we'd ended up here.
What had we failed to take into account? It was simply ourselves, and from ourselves had come betrayal. And from our betrayal this moment. But what I did know was that he was in their
hands now, where he belonged. In the care of the authorities, the experts, the true custodians. This strange dream was over for me, the trance ended. We were back in the strong embrace
of order,
110
nested in its rules. All my mistakesand I saw clearly that there had been manyall had failed to hurl me into the rocks where I would have been broken.
He turns and walks to the curtain and, taking hold of it, he moves around the bed, closing the curtain around ANTHONY. He strides out from behind the curtain and downstage toward his
table and phone.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN I had come out safely, as much by accident, I must admit, as by my own design. I was home, back in my own life. And in the midst of my relief, I thought:
What next? The answer lay in my nephew. He of the Christmas overcoat.
(Moving to center stage.) A boy no longer, he was now a grown man traveling in the city on business. We met for dinner at the Golden Pavilion, a small elegant Chinese restaurant. I stood
at the window, staring out into the clear crisp air, and the sturdy skyline of the city felt somehow fragile against the dark vastness, the infinite and amazing night, and I thought
Thunderous banging on door.

Two men stride in from upstage, a plainclothes policeman and a detective.

DETECTIVE Dr. Robert Chapman?


DETECTIVE Hey, are you Chapman? We got a warrant for your arrest.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN What? For what?

DETECTIVE Put your coat on, sir.
111

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN There must be some mistake.

COP
(grabbing DR. CHAPMAN's coat from the chair, throwing it at him) Put your coat on, Dr. Chapman.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN I don't understand.

COP You have the right to remain silent. You have the right to an attorney.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Wait a minute, wait a minute.

COP Should you waive these rights, anything you say or do can and will be used against you. Do you understand these rights, Dr. Chapman?
The DOORMAN strides on from downstage left.

DOORMAN He has no rights.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Eddie!

COP Do you wish to waive your rights?

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN I don't understand what's happening here.

DETECTIVE You're under arrest for the murder of Anthony Calderon.
Music plays in the background. Weird, spooky echoes, and wind, or breathing.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Murder? But yesterday I saw him. He's in the he's in theah, I can't think of the word. He's in the ah

DETECTIVE Grave?
112

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN No. Not the grave. He's in the I.C.E. No, it's not the I.C.E.
The cop grabs DR. CHAPMAN, starts to force him off.

COP Trash ... dump?

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN No. He wanted to live. He decided to live. He told me. He wanted to live.

DOORMAN
(marching up to DR. CHAPMAN) Doctor, Doctor, how could you?

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Eddie, what are you doing here? You're a doorman.

DOORMAN A man like you, Doctor!

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Wait a minute, I know where he is. It was a there was a bed. And peoplepeople were

DETECTIVE A morgue.


DOORMAN
(in DR. CHAPMAN's face) Hockey? I wouldn't piss on you if your soul was on fire. That's him. He did it!

COP It's time to go.
They start to drag DR. CHAPMAN off toward the upstage left corner.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Wait. JUST WAIT! I'll think of it. Just wait! I'LL THINK OF WHERE HE IS!

COP Settle down, goddammit!
They grab DR. CHAPMAN, forcing him to the floor.
113

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN We can call him. He'll tell us! We can

DOORMAN Liar! You're lying! How can we call him?
EDDIE sits on the chair at DR. CHAPMAN'S table, as the police drag DR. CHAPMAN upstage.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN
(fighting, desperate} Just telephone. THE HOSPITAL! I'm not going. I refuse to go with you. Justcall the hospital.
The phone starts to ring.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN THERE! That's him! He's calling! He's calling us!

DETECTIVE You're making matters worse here, dammit.

COP We'll hogtie you if we have to.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN
(fighting to break free) But he wants to talk to youhe wants to tell you! He's calling! It's him. JUST ANSWER! ANSWER! ANSWER!
DR. CHAPMAN breaks free and runs to the phone. COPS and the DOORMAN exit as the light focuses on the table and telephone. DR. CHAPMAN grabs it up.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Hello.
On the screen is projected: FEBRUARY 14, 1990.
THOMAS stands in a pool of light on the stage left apron, a phone to his ear.

THOMAS AMES He's dead. Dr. Chapman, Anthony's dead. He's dead. He died in his sleep. They called me, and I came over immediately. I'm at the hospital now. I wasn't with him. I
he
114
Silence. THOMAS hangs up and disappears in the dark. DR. CHAPMAN hangs up. Then DR. CHAPMAN turns and looks up at the curtain closed around ANTHONY.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Ambroise Paré is often called the "father" of surgery. In the sixteenth century he accompanied the armies of France on their military campaigns, and in those
killing fields he found an abundant resource for the education of his knife. Shattered limbs were plentiful. Wounds of every kind. Men maimed beyond hope and so docile before his
desperate struggle to learn.
Music starts: the Pablo Casals recording of the 2nd Canon on the First Eight Bass Notes of the Aria Ground from Bach's "Goldberg" Variations once again. Variations 1, 2, 3, and 4.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN In the midst of the smoke and noise of battle, he entered a barn and found himself facing the bodies of four dead soldiers and three more who were still alive,
their faces contorted with pain, their clothes still stinking and smoldering with the gunpowder that had exploded and burned them. In the pages of Paré's memoirs, he describes how there
stood among them one old soldier. As Paré gazed at the wounded, writhing men with pity, the old soldier approached and asked whether there was any way to cure them. Paré shook his
head no, and the old soldier turned and, in Paré's words, went up to the men and cut their throats "gently, efficiently, and without ill will." Paré cried out to the man that he was a villain.
"No," said the man. "I pray God that if ever I come to be in that condition, someone will do the same for me." Villainy. Mercy. I see them now like two snakes coiled around a staff, their
tangled shapes indistinguishable, their eyes fixed on each other.
(Slight pause.) I ran
115
into Thomas on the street once. It wasn't long after. It was an accidental encounter brought about by errands that had no relationship, but simply put us on streets that intersected. Who
could have orchestrated such an encounter? Can you imagine such a mind?
THOMAS appears on the stage left side, bundled in a coat. Head bowed, he moves across the stage toward DR. CHAPMAN, who walks in the opposite direction. They pass each other,
and then THOMAS startles, whirls.

THOMAS AMES Dr. Chapman.
DR. CHAPMAN stops, they face each other.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Thomas ... hello. How are you?

THOMAS AMES I'm late. But we must get together.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN By all means. We should talk.

THOMAS AMES Yes. We should talk.
THOMAS turns and goes off. DR. CHAPMAN faces out. The music still plays.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN Of course we didn't want to see each other. What lay between usthe secrets were better left denied. Some were his alone, of course. But there is one that
belongs only to me.
A phone begins to ring.

DR. ROBERT CHAPMAN It's a thought I sometimes have, and the relief that it brings when I imagine it real fills me with shame. It's a wish, really, a wish that on that first day, when I
heard that ringing telephone, I had not picked it upI had simply let it go unanswered.
116
DR. CHAPMAN turns and walks off stage left. As the phone continues to ring, the music plays. The curtain around ANTHONY's bed glows, as if burning from within. The phone stops, the
light brightens and brightens, and then the music ends.
The lights fade to black.
END OF PLAY
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