THE GRACE OF FORGIVENESS (2)

(Ephesians 4:31-32)

Two men who had stayed out a little too late the night before were talking it
over the next morning. “Was your wife mad when you got home so late last
night?” The second man replied, “Mad? Man, she was plumb historical.”
The first guy said, “Historical? You mean hysterical?” The second replied,
“No, I mean historical. She was throwing things up to me that happened
forty years ago!”

You know what? I love history. But I can tell you one thing this morning
with absolute assurance. The past is a bad place to live. The past is a
spiritual ghetto. Holding a grudge for reasons real or imagined – please
notice real or imagined – is to consign oneself to living in the past –
actually, to existing in the past for in reality there is no life there. As with
Miss Havisham last week, the clock has stopped at ten minutes to nine. We
have entered an emotional twilight zone where we are watching a tape
that continually recycles our pain in an endless loop. Over and over and
over again. We enter a dungeon of our own making and throw away the
key. We are enslaved. So many of us live in the past – and then we wonder
why we are unhappy – why we can’t move forward.

The fact is, we have chained ourselves to our worst enemy. The
November, 1985 National Geographic pictured the trophy of a National
park ranger in British Columbia, Canada. He had two sets of huge antlers,
as wide as a man’s reach; locked together. Two bull moose had begun
fighting, but somehow their antlers locked in a deadly tangle from which
they could not extricate themselves. Deadly enemies, but linked forever in
their antagonism. In exactly the same way, a person holding ill-will against
someone else has locked horns – chaining themselves to their worst enemy.

So -- How does one escape the past? I will gladly tell you, but while
everyone wants to know, most people turn off once they know. They listen,
but will not hear; they hear but will not believe; they believe but will not
obey. They ultimately prefer the pain to the solution; the disease to the
cure; mediocrity to real life; enslavement to freedom. There is only one
way to throw off the chains and escape the past. You must forgive --
unconditionally. You can’t have the grudge and live in the present. It just
doesn’t work. Harboring ill-will stops the clock.

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Last week from Eph 4:31, we saw how gratuitous fury grows from
bitterness which eventually turns into anger, wrath, clamor and slander.
People will not believe it, but you cannot harbor bitterness and not have it
turn on you. It is like a rabid dog. I is like Old Yeller at the end of the
movie. You think you can handle it, but you cannot. It handles you, and it
is not gentle. God says, put it off and put on forgiveness. It is not easy; it
is humbling; it is unnerving. You are letting go of security. Your identity is
tied up in this hard feeling. It is your middle name – but God says, let it go.
Stop caressing the painful memory; it is killing someone – it is killing you.

II. Put on Gracious Forgiveness

In place of bitterness -- gracious forgiveness. Oh, for the grace to forgive.

Look at the instruction in verse 32, “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted,
forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” This is a beautiful
passage of Scripture. If the partners in every marriage obeyed no verse but
this one, marriages would be revolutionized. If Christians in general had
no other verse but this one to live by, the world would be awestruck.

Now -- understand that we usually put up a big fork in the road right here.
The fork in the road sounds like this, "I will -- if you will." Or, "I will
forgive if it can be determined that I was wrong -- which I very much
doubt." Or, "I will if you ask for forgiveness.” But beloved, as much as we
want it -- there is no fork in the road. Yogi Berra was famous for saying,
"When you come to a fork in the road, take it." But there is no fork. There
is only one way forward – only one! Peter says it this way and I Peter 3:9,
"Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless,
for to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing.” Do you get the
message? You must give blessing to get blessing. There is no fork in the
road. There is no I will if you will. There is only I will. Period. You say,
"You mean I must forgive even if the other person is not repentant? Surely
not." But, Beloved, that is exactly what this passage is teaching -- that is the
graciousness of forgiving. It is a superb verse, dripping with grace,
overflowing with beauty. God prescribes three attributes here to get the
clock of our life moving again, to release us from our dungeon of bitterness
– to restore life.

A. Be Kind

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First, we are commanded to be kind. The original text actually says we are
to become kind. Become kind. The implication is that we are not kind by
nature. It certainly implies that something was lacking among the
Ephesians when it came to kindness. “Keep on becoming kind.” It is the
work of a lifetime. It doesn’t just happen. You have to work at it. A wife,
reading an astrology book, to husband said, “If you had been born two
days later, you would have been kind, generous and witty.” Wouldn’t it be
nice if it were that simple? We wish!

Keep on becoming kind. Like God. Jesus says in Luke 6:35, " 35) But love
your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your
reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for he is kind
(our word) to the ungrateful and the evil. All in one verse here we have
the concept of being kind, of taking action, and doing it whether it is
desired, appreciated, sought, deserved or not. God is not asking something
He has not done. In fact, He demonstrates on a daily basis how this can be
done. Every day that He extends life, He is kind to those who are
ungrateful, evil, mocking, rebellious, and hateful toward Him. God is
gracious and desires that we emulate Him in His graciousness.

So why is God kind? Listen to God’s Word in Romans 2:4, “4) Or do you
presume on the riches of his kindness and forbearance and patience, not
knowing that God’s kindness is meant to lead you to repentance?” See,
here’s the thing. When we harbor bitterness and harsh feelings, we are
seeking vengeance – something God never does. He never does. He is
always seeking something else. He is always seeking repentance. His
forbearance has a purpose. He is kind in His desire to elicit repentance.
That is the heart of the Father and He wants it to be our heart as well. Be
kind to one another. Do it now. Do it toward all. Do it to encourage
repentance.

Count Gotttlieb Haeseler was a German general living in the late 1800’s.
He was sitting in a railway waiting room one morning, enjoying a cigar,
when he was approached by a young lieutenant who was apparently not
enjoying the Count’s cigar quite as much as the count was. “You shouldn’t
be smoking that cabbage-leaf of yours in good company,” he said, offering
Haeseler one of his own cigars. The count accepted it, slipped it into his
pocket, and continued to smoke his own. “Sir, why are you not smoking
my cigar?” the lieutenant demanded. Haeseler replied, “I think I’ll wait, as
you suggest, until I’m in good company.”
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There is the issue. Wait until you’re in good company to extend kindness
and it could be a long wait. And it misses the whole point. To be kind to
those whom we love is nice but hardly commendable. The command here
is to put on kindness toward all – undeserving as well as deserving.

B. Tender-hearted

Next we are to be tenderhearted. Tenderhearted – a word often used to

speak of God’s compassion. In Luke 10:33 it describes the heartfelt
reaction of the Good Samaritan when he encountered the wounded man
along the road. It is used to speak of Jesus’ compassion for the widow at
Nain who was weeping because she had lost her only son. Tenderhearted.

But the finest illustration of all is found in Luke 15. Turn there with me.
You know the story. The younger son of a wealthy father demands his
inheritance. He then goes as far away as he can and squanders a fortune on
wine, women and song. What a time he has. But, of course, when the
money runs out so do the friends, so do the good times, so does any sense of
identity and so does the food. Then he repents.

The genuineness of his repentance is shown by his desire to return to the

Father rather than running further. He would ask only to be treated as the
lowliest servant. But look at Luke 15:20, “20) And he arose and came to his
father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt
compassion, and ran and embraced him and kissed him.” There is no more
touching passage in Scripture than this. Here is tenderheartedness in
action, Beloved. The father knew the shame his son would face as he came
through town. He knew the humiliation that must have driven his return
and, despite all the harm the son’s actions had caused, despite the fact that
he himself had been ill-used and treated like dirt as this boy showed him his
back on the way out of town – yet, he ran to his son against all social
precedent. He was tenderhearted toward him. Can you believe this? This
is a picture of God the Father toward anyone who will repent. And God
wants us to put on that same kind of tenderheartedness toward those who
use us ill. See them as God sees them.

A number of years ago, Newsweek magazine carried the story of the

memorial service held for Hubert Humphrey, former vice-president of the
United States. Hundreds of people came from all over the world to say
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good-bye to their old friend and colleague. But one person who came was
shunned -- ignored by everyone. Nobody would look at him, much less
speak to him. It was former president Richard Nixon – back in Washington
for the first time since he resigned the presidency in the wake of Watergate.
Then a special thing happened. President Jimmy Carter walked into the
room and saw Nixon over against the wall, all by himself. He smiled
broadly, went over to Nixon and embraced him. He said, "Welcome home,
Mr. President! Welcome home!" Newsweek commented, "If there was a
turning point in Nixon’s long ordeal in the wilderness, it was that
moment and that gesture of love and compassion." Tenderheartedness
counts.

C. Be Forgiving

Now – let’s go to our third command and to the heart of the verse. Reading
Ephesians 4:32, “32) Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one
another, as God in Christ forgave you.” Here is the ultimate in kindness –
forgiving one another. This is not some kindly action done toward someone
whom we naturally love. The very act of forgiving implies that we have
been wronged. No need to forgive unless offense has been given, right?
And it’s not based on someone asking forgiveness. Great if they do, but our
job is to forgive the moment we know that we’ve been offended. The very
moment. Last week we saw Jesus forgiving the most egregious betrayal
and humiliation even as his crucifiers were throwing dice to divide his
garments. That example just doesn’t cut us any slack, does it? The excuse
that someone wronged me so I can treat them with disdain just won’t play.
In fact, even the word itself suggests this.

You say, what do you mean? Well – we do not have the normal word for
“forgive” here. Instead, Paul uses the verb form of the word “grace.” This
word goes way beyond mere forgiveness. Grace one another. You will
recall that grace means undeserved, unmerited favor. God says, “Grace the
one who offended, hurt, left, betrayed, stabbed you. Grace them!” We love
to be on the receiving end. So, now the question is, how will we do on the
giving end? How well we do will determine whether or not we ever get
out of the dungeon of self-pity and bitterness. It will determine whether or
not we continue to exist in misery or live in happiness. It will determine
whether our life is a waste or a watchtower, drawing people toward God.

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This is not easy. Anyone who suggests that it is is lying. But it is far more
for your sake and your Lord’s sake than that of the other person that you
would do this. Some of you may have heard of Ravi Zacharias. He is a
world renowned Christian apologist. In 1979 he was teaching at a seminary
in NY. One morning when he pulled into the seminary parking lot where he
taught and he saw a little boy kicking a ball around, but something was
obviously wrong. He wore a helmet, had stumps for hands, face badly
scarred. When Ravi made inquiries he found out it was young Joel
Sonnenberg and he had a story. A few years earlier, Joel’s parents were
traveling the New Jersey turnpike going on a vacation. Joel – in diapers –
was in the backseat. While stopped to pay a toll, an erratic truck driver
rammed into the back of the car and it burst into flames. The Sonnenbergs
got out, but by the time they got to their son his body was like ash; only
protected in the area wrapped by the diaper. He lived, but was severely
disabled. But with strong support from parents, family and friends, he
never let it stop him from anything. Eighteen years later, he was student
body president during his senior year at Taylor University.

Meanwhile, the man who drove the truck ran away, but 18 years later, he
was caught by a cop doing a routine check; arrested and brought to trial.
When Joe heard of the arrest, he asked to see the man in court. It was
dramatic. The man, Oreginal Dort, would not look at him. Joel said, “I
want you to look at me.” Dort would not. Joel said again, “Would you
please look at me.” Finally, Dort looked at him and was visibly startled by
what he saw. Joel said, “You did this to me, Mr. Dort. But I want you to
know that because of Christ, I forgive you.” The judge went back to
chambers and cried saying he had never seen a case like that. Amazing
story, is it not? Joel Sonnenberg could have stalled out at the very
beginning because of the unfairness of it all. He could have phoned it in.
Set the clocks to 10 to 9:00. He could have just existed – but he chose life!
He forgave and moved on. There is unlimited power in forgiveness.

III.Because: Christ Has Forgiven Us

Now – why are we to put off gratuitous fury and put on gracious
forgiveness. Why? Why must I give up the pleasure of hating those who
have wronged me? Why must I forgive when they do not even
acknowledge their wrongdoing? Why? Well – the ultimate answer is
found in our verse. “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one

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another, as God in Christ forgave you.” Oh, boy. Now Paul really raises
the bar. Just as Christ forgave me, I am to forgive. Hard to counter that.

An unforgiving attitude has deep emotional as well as physical

consequences. Counselor and psychologist, Cecil Osborne says, “The
unforgiving person does irreparable harm to his personality. The human
organism functions far better when there is a sense of "being at peace."
When a grudge is held, there can be no serenity. The grudge creates
stress, and continued stress is destructive of the organism. Excessive,
continued stress page the way for a host of physical symptoms: ulcers,
heart attacks, asthma, neural dermatitis (a severe skin condition that
seldom yields to medication), migraine headaches, colitis, rheumatoid
arthritis, and many others. This is not to say that repressed hostility alone
causes such symptoms, but it is usually a component.”

Those are the physical and emotional consequences. But hang on. It goes
way beyond that. Turn with me to Matthew 18. I want to reinforce in
Jesus’ own words that this matter of coddling an unforgiving attitude isn’t a
small deal. I think some of us might say – Ulcers? I’ll take a couple for the
joy of hating this person! A migraine now and then in exchange for holding
this grudge? Hey, bring on the migraine. Better than forgiving Joe Blow.
If that’s you, listen to this. Matthew 18 beginning at verse 21: 21 Then
Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against
me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times? (Peter thought this very
generous)” 22 Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but
seventy times seven. (In other words, he has an unlimited pass) 23
“Therefore the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished
to settle accounts with his servants.24 When he began to settle, one was
brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents.25 And since he could
not pay, his master ordered him to be sold, with his wife and children and
all that he had, and payment to be made. 26 So the servant fell on his knees,
imploring him, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you everything.’ 27
And out of pity for him, the master of that servant released him and forgave
him the debt. 28 But when that same servant went out, he found one of his
fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii, and seizing him, he began
to choke him, saying, ‘Pay what you owe.’ 29 So his fellow servant fell
down and pleaded with him, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you.’ 30
He refused and went and put him in prison until he should pay the debt. 31
When his fellow servants saw what had taken place, they were greatly
distressed, and they went and reported to their master all that had taken
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place. 32 Then his master summoned him and said to him, ‘You wicked
servant! I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. 33 And
should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on
you?’ 34 And in anger his master delivered him to the jailers, until he should
pay all his debt. 35 So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you,
if you do not forgive your brother from your heart.”

Beloved – the implication of the parable is terrifying! Forget about the

emotional and physical impact that bitterness may be having on you. The
far greater danger is this. If you will not forgive others from the heart –
people who legitimately owe you – who have decidedly wronged you – if
you will not forgive from the heart, then it is possible that you are not a
Christian at all. That’s pretty heavy – but that’s from the lips of Jesus
Himself – ” So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you
do not forgive your brother from your heart.” You see, when we harbor a
grudge, ultimately what we are saying is this, “God, thank you very much
for my salvation. Thank you for forgiving me, but I cannot forgive so and
so. Surely you cannot expect that. – Oh, you do expect that?! Well, then --
I do not forgive YOU for expecting that.” That, Beloved is where we are
when we refuse to forgive. The sin is now on us! Our own salvation is at
best suspect.

Conclusion

I remember like yesterday when I was about 10 or 11 years old reading the
biography of Roy Campanella. Campanella was an all-star catcher for the
Brooklyn Dodgers – won three MVP awards with them. But on the night of
Jan 28, 1958, Roy Campanella hit a patch of ice on a freezing New Jersey
road and life changed forever – the clock stopped. He survived the
accident, but two things made a lasting impression on me. One was he
pointed out that as he left his liquor store that night to get into his car to
drive home, the last thing in the world he expected was that he was taking
his last steps. He expected to open the new baseball season in Los Angeles
where the Dodgers had moved over the winter, but he never walked again,
let alone played baseball. Life changed. And life changes when we grab
bitterness by the throat and won’t let go. We cripple ourselves.

The second thing that made an impression was something he wrote about
rehab. One of the exercises they had to go through was catching a
basketball, and on his first try, after dropping the ball, the physical therapist
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came over to tell him how to catch a ball. Campanella began to sob
uncontrollably. Why? Well – how would you feel? A 10-time all-star and
3 time league MVP – for your ability to catch and hit a baseball traveling at
100 MPH and now someone is teaching you how to catch a basketball that’s
been lobbed to you. Life had truly changed forever.

And, Beloved, as soon as we choose to embrace bitterness instead of

forgiveness, our life has changed too. The clock has stopped. It may not be
visible, but the real things in life are always unseen. Hold the grudge?
Then we are choosing to live in the ghetto of the past – only the truth is no
one lives in the ghetto. You just exist. Real life stops the moment you enter.
You know it’s true, but you still hang on to the grudge. How long,
Beloved? How long will you bring out this toy and look at it, marvel at its
fascinating beauty, find yourself mesmerized by the pain of long ago like
Golum with his ring. Thinking he could have the ring, when all the time,
the ring had him – just like your past has you. The tape is replaying over
and over and over again. For God’s sake -- Give it up. For your sake – give
it up. For the sake of your family – give it up. For the sake of your Savior
give it up. Forgive it. Give it up and let it go once and for all. Escape the
past, turn the clock back on and begin to live. Let’s pray.