Sex Spectra - Jennifer Hamlin

.pdf
by Jennif er Hamlin

Submission date: 25-Feb-2019 11:52PM (UT C-0800)

Submission ID: 1084017797
File name: Sex_Spectra_-_Jennif er_Hamlin_.pdf (736.73K)
Word count: 973
Character count: 5471
Two Successes: 1. Excellent research and understanding of the spectrum! 2. Usually good selection of graphics. Two
Challenges: 1) Keep working to write your definition with complete sentences; I think you were trying to save space, but this
kind of writing wouldn't "fit" in the prompt's scenario. 2. While the other animals are interesting, I think you need to omit them
in order to find depth and genre-appropriate prose (full sentences, paragraphs linked by transitions, etc.) for your readers.
For example, you need an introduction preceding the "repro mechanisms" that will familiarize readers with how our
understanding of sex assignment has changed over time and why. I think I'd just stick with humans so you can discuss why
this is important.

if "radial," please show a picture illustrating (radial usually involves circular), if

measurement, please define units.

is it maybe a "classification tool"?

Need an introduction explaining sex assignment/classification. A history

section would help, too. When did we broaden the range of
classifications, etc.?

is there a figure missing here? Try reducing your margins, if not.

RO and CS
s

and is this production governed by genotype?

Frag.
There are more in your
paper--can you find and
Frag.

correct them?

Ah! Something like

this should be in
your introduction.

Audience's needs
 Repet it ive

Turn this into full

sentences and a full
paragraph.
again, reduce margins if there's no missing graphic here.

such as?
 Need more white space or a vertical line to distinguish the two
karyotypes. Headings on each would help, too.

missing some of the caption. I don't know which is normal and which isn't
 try rewording this
ratio description--the
prepositions are
clouding it.

Concise
Sex Spectra - Jennifer Hamlin .pdf
ORIGINALITY REPORT

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SIMILARIT Y INDEX
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INT ERNET SOURCES
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PUBLICAT IONS
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ST UDENT PAPERS

PRIMARY SOURCES

Exclude quotes On Exclude matches < 4 words

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Sex Spectra - Jennifer Hamlin .pdf
GRADEMARK REPORT

FINAL GRADE GENERAL COMMENTS

Instructor

108
PAGE 1
/150

Text Comment. T wo Successes: 1. Excellent research and understanding of the spectrum!

2. Usually good selection of graphics. T wo Challenges: 1) Keep working to write your def inition
with complete sentences; I think you were trying to save space, but this kind of writing wouldn't
"f it" in the prompt's scenario. 2. While the other animals are interesting, I think you need to omit
them in order to f ind depth and genre-appropriate prose (f ull sentences, paragraphs linked by
transitions, etc.) f or your readers. For example, you need an introduction preceding the "repro
mechanisms" that will f amiliarize readers with how our understanding of sex assignment has
changed over time and why. I think I'd just stick with humans so you can discuss why this is
important.

Text Comment. if "radial," please show a picture illustrating (radial usually involves
circular), if measurement, please def ine units.

Text Comment. is it maybe a "classif ication tool"?

Text Comment. Need an introduction explaining sex assignment/classif ication. A history

section would help, too. When did we broaden the range of classif ications, etc.?

Text Comment. is there a f igure missing here? T ry reducing your margins, if not.

QM RO and CS
T his sentence contains two independent clauses that could stand alone as sentences. You've
either separated them with a comma (comma splice) or with a conjunction (e.g., and, but, or).

Watch this video to learn about this common pattern.

 Text Comment. s

Text Comment. and is this production governed by genotype?

QM Frag.
Fragment:
A sentence f ragment is a phrase or clause that is in some way incomplete. Such f ragments
become problematic when they attempt to stand alone as a complete sentence. T he most
common version of this mistake occurs when a writer mistakes a gerund (a verb that acts like a
noun) f or a main verb, as in the f ollowing sentence: "In bed reading Shakespeare f rom dusk to
dawn."

Text Comment. T here are more in your paper--can you f ind and correct them?

QM Frag.
Fragment:
A sentence f ragment is a phrase or clause that is in some way incomplete. Such f ragments
become problematic when they attempt to stand alone as a complete sentence. T he most
common version of this mistake occurs when a writer mistakes a gerund (a verb that acts like a
noun) f or a main verb, as in the f ollowing sentence: "In bed reading Shakespeare f rom dusk to
dawn."

Text Comment. Ah! Something like this should be in your introduction.

QM Audience's needs
Always consider the education and experience of your readers when you write. If you are writing
to general audience, you will need to def ine scientif ic words or terms and concepts that are
specif ic to your f ield. Likewise, you will need to explain any background to which you ref er. On
the other hand, a specialized audience may f ind such def initions and explanations unnecessary.

PAGE 2

QM Repetitive
See if you can combine and condense these sentences or ideas, as they are repetitive or
redundant.

Text Comment. T urn this into f ull sentences and a f ull paragraph.

PAGE 3

Text Comment. again, reduce margins if there's no missing graphic here.

Text Comment. such as?

PAGE 4

Text Comment. Need more white space or a vertical line to distinguish the two karyotypes.
Headings on each would help, too.

Text Comment. missing some of the caption. I don't know which is normal and which isn't

PAGE 5

Text Comment. try rewording this ratio description--the prepositions are clouding it.

QM Concise
Practice our sentence revision techniques here and throughout your report (e.g., reduce
prepositional phrases, use vigorous verbs, etc.).

PAGE 6

PAGE 7

PAGE 8
RUBRIC: 36 3 DEFINITION RUBRIC

RHET . FOCUS Developing

SLO #1: Write f ormally and inf ormally, in-class and out-of -class, f or a variety of audiences and purposes.

ABSENT OR BELOW Audience's needs are of ten not recognized: terms and ideas need explanation and
BASIC language needs adjustment f or the audience. Purpose (to def ine or term or
concept)isn't clear or achieved.

DEVELOPING Shows some attention to audience's needs, sometimes def ining necessary terms and
ideas and using audience-appropriate language. Purpose (to def ine or term or
concept) may be unclear at times, and it may not be achieved convincingly.

PROFICIENT Shows attention to audience's needs, def ining necessary terms and ideas and using
audience-appropriate language. Purpose (to def ine or term or concept) may be
implied, but it's clear and achieved.

ADVANCED Shows sophisticated attention to audience's needs, def ining necessary terms and
ideas and using audience-appropriate language. Purpose (to def ine a term or
concept) is clear and achieved with style.

ET HIC RESRCH Advanced

SLO #2: Using the appropriate major’s customary citation style, ethically cite and communicate inf ormation
f rom a variety of discipline-appropriate sources.

ABSENT OR BELOW Omits or uses incorrectly quotation marks and/or MLA-, APA-, or Wikipedia-style
BASIC (number system) parenthetical citations and works cited list. Many citation errors.
Does not cite f rom a variety of discipline-appropriate sources. May be over-reliant on
a single source.

DEVELOPING A f ew errors in quotation marks, MLA-, APA-, or Wikipedia-style (number system)

parenthetical citations and works cited list. May cite superf icially f rom sources. May
be over-reliant on a single source.

PROFICIENT Correctly uses quotation marks and MLA-, APA-, or Wikipedia-style (number system)
parenthetical citations and works cited list. May have 1-2 citation errors. Cites f rom a
variety of discipline-appropriate sources.

ADVANCED Consistently and correctly uses quotation marks and MLA-, APA-, or Wikipedia-style
(number system) in-text (parenthetical) and end-of -text (ref erence list) citations f or
all sources, whether quoted directly or paraphrased. Cites f rom a variety of discipline-
appropriate sources. Never over-reliant on a single source.

PERS/SUPPORT Developing
SLO #3: Compare, evaluate, synthesize, and communicate caref ully, objectively, and persuasively the
relative merits of alternative or opposing arguments, assumptions, and cultural values.

ABSENT OR BELOW Fails to support claims with specif ic explanations, examples, etc.. Objectivity may be
BASIC lacking.
DEVELOPING Attempts to support claims with explanations, examples, etc., but specif icity and/or
objectivity may be lacking.

PROFICIENT Usually supports the def inition's claims with relevant, thorough, and specif ic
explanations, examples, etc.. Usually maintains objectivity.

ADVANCED Supports the def inition's claims with relevant, thorough, and specif ic explanations,
examples, etc.. Maintains objectivity.

ORGANIZ AT ION Absent or

Below Basic
SLO #4: Organize, f ocus, and communicate one’s thoughts clearly and ef f ectively to address a rhetorical
situation.

ABSENT OR BELOW Organizational devices (one-sentence def inition; introduction; logical partitioning;
BASIC topic sentences, headings, transitions) may be absent, unrelated to the prompt, or
illogically connected. Ps contain multiple topics or are disorganized.

DEVELOPING Organizational devices (one-sentence def inition; introduction; logical partitioning;

topic sentences, headings, transitions) f it the prompt, but may be vague, too broad,
or inconsistenly or illogically linked. Ps may not be unif ied.

PROFICIENT Clear organizational devices (one-sentence def inition; introduction; logical

partitioning; topic sentences, headings, transitions) f it the prompt and tie ideas and
topics together adequately. Ps are usually unif ied.

ADVANCED Clear, specif ic organizational devices (one-sentence def inition; introduction; logical
partitioning; topic sentences, headings, transitions) f it the prompt and tie ideas and
topics together logically and seamlessly. Paragraphs are unif ied.

LANG & DESIGN Developing

SLO # 5: Recognize, evaluate, and employ the f eatures and contexts of language and design that express
and inf luence meaning and that demonstrate sensitivity to gender and cultural dif f erences.

ABSENT OR BELOW Spelling, syntax, diction, or punctuation errors impede readability. Language may
BASIC ref lect a gender or cultural bias or be too high or too low. Design may be
unconventional and inef f ective.

DEVELOPING Spelling, syntax, diction, or punctuation errors of ten impede readability or otherwise
distract f rom meaning. Style may be either too high or too low. Language may
occasionally suggest a gender or cultural bias. Design may be inconventional or
inef f ective.

PROFICIENT Spelling, syntax, diction, or punctuation errors are f ew and do not distract f rom
meaning. Middle-level-style. Language respects gender and cultural dif f erences.
Design is conventional and ef f ective.

ADVANCED Outstanding control of language, with middle-level style, including ef f ective diction
and sentence variety. Language respects gender and cultural dif f erences. Design is
conventional and ef f ective.