Document name: Work at the ending stage of the group: separation issues

Document date: 2001

Copyright information: Proprietary and used under license
OpenLearn Study Unit: Developing positive professional relationships with young
people
OpenLearn url: http://www.open.edu/openlearn/health-sports-
psychology/developing-positive-relationships-young-
people/content-section-0

Work at the ending stage of the group: separation issues

Jarlath Benson

Benson, J. (2001) ‘Work at the ending stage of the group: separation issues’, chapter 7 in Benson, J.,
(2001) Working more creatively in groups, pp. 145–54, Abingdon, Routledge.

www.open.edu/openlearn Page 1 of 1
 Work at the ending stage of the
group: separation issues
The date of ending for some groups is determined at the outset. The number
of sessions or the length of time that the group will run for is established
before the group begins. In other groups termination is expected to occur
upon completion of a particular task or whenever it is decided that members
have achieved their goals and objectives.
However, there are other situations where a group does not coalesce; there
is a heavy loss or turnover of members; workers may leave the group and
termination can occur. I am not referring to these instances when I discuss
ending of the group in this section. I want to look at the natural and
planned termination of the group and the separation issues that are part of
this stage.
The approach of termination is a psychic shock which group members react
to according to their preferred method of coping with anxiety. The group is
finishing and the basic issue for members is how to handle separation with
least personal discomfort. Members look for ways of avoiding or denying
the reality that their group is to end and when this fails to work may regress
to previous states of group disorganization.
At the same time that members are trying to avoid the ending of the group
there is a growing acknowledgement of the finality of termination and a
willingness to face and accomplish it. However, right up until the final
moment there may well be a strong tension between these two desires that
can manifest in a wide variety of confused and contradictory behaviour.
There are a number of themes to look out for in the final stages:

. Denial: Members may express surprise or claim to have forgotten that

the group would end. Members may plan to continue on their own after
the formal ending or look towards reunions.
. Regression: This involves a sliding back into earlier group experiences
and relationship patterns accompanied by increased dependence on the
worker. Attempts may be made to reactivate the problems or needs that
led to the group being set up originally.
. Flight: Destructive and aggressive behaviour may be directed towards
each other, the worker, equipment, and activity. People drop out early or
join other groups.
. Reviewing: This involves going over group experiences and reminiscing
about past events and memories. It can be integrative in that it is an
attempt to evaluate the meeting of the group experience and prepare
members for letting go of each other.
These themes generate ambivalent behaviours and feelings which are
confusions and distortions of the love and will energies (see [subsequent
table]).

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 Work at the ending stage of the group: separation issues

In general, I find that the longer members have been together the more
visible and pronounced is their anger and mourning of the passing of the
group. A group which has been meeting weekly for nine months will
experience themselves as losing more than a group which has met for six
sessions. The shorter group, however, will still experience a scaled-down
version of what occurs in its older relative if it has at all bonded. So
whether your group lasts for a day, six sessions, or nine months, you can
expect to find some of these manifestations of grief and anger at separation.
Let us look at the role of the worker in this final stage.
Working with the group at termination
As groups move towards their conclusion the worker again becomes a
central figure and his major task is to help the members let go of the group
and move away. As we have seen, this is an emotionally distressing time for
members and can make huge demands on the worker who in all probability
is trying to deal with his own separation issues.
I find that members look to me to be group mother, father and guide all at
the same time: because of their anxiety and distress they need nurturing but
they also need reminding that there are clear boundaries and limits. At other
times, members are well able to contain their feelings and review their work
with little need of my intervention.

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 Manifestations of ending and Underlying needs and motives
separation

. Denial that the group is ending . To avoid separation

. Delaying or prolonging work . To maintain group experience
. Frenzied work activity . To begin again
. Rejection of work . To deal with painful feelings
. Sabotage and destruction of . To punish worker and ‘bad’
programme and materials members
. Clinging together for comfort . To destroy group
. Reduced interaction and
involvement
. Absenteeism
. Lateness
. Premature endings
. Abdication of responsibility
. Overdependence on worker
. Rejection, provoking, challenging
of worker
. Rejection, anger, challenging of
other members
. Blaming, scapegoating, finding
fault
. Irruption of unresolved incidents
. Feelings of guilt, shame about
levels of contribution
. Depression, despair, anxiety, grief
. Feelings of loss and abandonment
. Planned reunions

Here are some suggestions that might help you work with your group at this
stage.
Working with the group at the physical level of separation
Members’ interest and investment in the group is beginning to wane and
your main job now is to emphasize movement away from the group and
towards other groups, members’ own community, or workplace.
Complete group tasks
Aim to complete and resolve any remaining tasks left to the group and draw
attention to any delaying or prolonging activity. Be alert for any over-
enthusiastic approach to work which might suggest a desire to deny or
preclude the group ending. I find it important to be visible with my
expectation that members will complete individual tasks and join with me in
concluding group projects. This seems to make ending less threatening and
more in the nature of a normal passage or development.

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 Work at the ending stage of the group: separation issues

Permit activity to become less rewarding

There is a thin line between allowing activity to become less attractive and
rewarding and letting your programme collapse into boredom and
monotony, which increases the risk of precipitating early withdrawal by
members. What you should aim at is a gradual reduction in attraction and
interest in activity, as a way of increasing members’ motivation to conclude
the business of separation and look outside the group for new and more
stimulating relationships and experiences.
To encourage this, avoid any activity which challenges the group to further
accomplishments such as competition or new projects. Activity which is
stimulating, exciting, gives high rewards, or encourages a lot of group
interaction should also be avoided. If you find that members are
complaining of boredom you may have made activity too bland and it
would be important to reintroduce some favoured activity if you are not to
force members to leave prematurely. However, complaints about boredom
may also reflect resistance and anger about the impending termination. In
other instances I have found that the group has naturally come to an end
and attempting to continue until the official end is uncreative and tedious.
In some groups you can facilitate the idea of moving out by arranging visits
outside the group which prepare members for transition into workplace,
community, school or college. Visitors or guest speakers may be invited into
the group to help members with enquiries about welfare rights,
accommodation needs, and other points relating to life apart from the group.
Encourage ritual and celebration
I am always surprised at the attitude of those groupwork teachers and
practitioners who view the farewell party as contrived, false, and beneath
the dignity of the worker. By encouraging group workers to see the farewell
party as an immature attempt to deny or sublimate the end of the group I
believe we miss something important and deep in human experience.
The ending of the group is a kind of death and will be experienced by
members as the passing of a particular time in their lives. They need to
mark this passing in a way which celebrates the importance of the
experience in their lives and gives a sense of completion. At the same time
they are aware that with the ending of the group there comes opportunity
for new relationships and experiences and the invitation to transfer the
growth and learning that took place in the group.
All cultures have recognized the pain and celebration, the death and
transformation inherent in times of transition and have marked these
occasions with a rite of passage – birth, death, initiation and marriage
ceremonies and rituals. Similarly the ending of the group is an experience
of separation and initiation, finishing and beginning which can speak to
something real and deep in us. I believe it demands and warrants its own
rite of passage. Obviously this will vary according to the purpose for which
the group met, the time spent together, intimacy generated, and so on. It can
vary from a party for members in the last session to a drink in the pub or a
meal together after the last session. The important point is that you should
create an end for the group which celebrates, synthesizes, and symbolizes
for members which the group was all about.

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 If you want to be more prosaic about the ending of the group you can see
the ending ritual as a way of helping the group to relax and wind down.
Many groups are very task-oriented and minimise or forget the need to slow
down, rest, and take pleasure in their labour. Marking the end of the group
in the ways I have suggested brings home to members the necessity of
maintenance activities and provides an opportunity for informality, fun, and
saying goodbye.
Working with the group at the emotional level of separation
As soon as people know that the ending of the group is really going to
come they deal with this knowledge by using strategies that often come
from earlier in their lives. This can cause a great deal of emotional
disruption among members depending on the purpose and intimacy of the
group. Here are some ideas to help you to work with the feelings and
emotions that are prevalent at this time.
Sort out your own feelings
The first thing to be aware of is that you have been very closely involved in
the life of the group. You have been a part of the conflict, the resolutions,
and the decisions that were made. The group has been a satisfying,
frustrating, exciting, boring, painful, and happy experience for you. You
have nurtured members through difficult and awkward stages of their life,
provided them with stability and boundary when they were in open revolt
against your leadership, and you have had to sit back and let them learn
through their own efforts which you could have done it faster! The point is
this – the group is also ending for you and you have your own feelings and
thoughts about this.
You may be glad, sad, or a mixture of both and so it is important to spend
time preferably with a supervisor or colleague, looking at your own feelings
about the group ending. Being clear about how the ending affects you,
ensures that you do not get swamped or overwhelmed by members’ feelings
and are free to support the group at this difficult time. Acknowledging
feelings of sadness or loss, to yourself first of all, enables you subsequently
to be visible with them in the group and model for members a more
appropriate way of being in relationship with their own feelings. It also
helps you identify the emotional themes that are likely to be around in the
group and develop strategies for highlighting and facilitating them.
Deal with separation anxieties
Give members permission to have feelings about the end of the group and
encourage them to share these collectively. I try to give some structure to
this by building in small sessions where members can talk about what they
appreciated in the group and what they resented. This has the effect of
bringing feelings to the surface, balancing them, and channelling them
effectively.
View expressions of guilt, failure, and incompetence as signs of sadness or
repressed anger and do not allow them to be put forward as reasons for the
group ending. Allow appropriate levels of grief and anger to be expressed
whilst maintaining boundary and avoid being hooked into punitive
behaviour or made to reject members. I find the simplest way of working

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 Work at the ending stage of the group: separation issues

with such behaviour is to describe what is happening and wonder aloud

what is behind it. Members are usually able to verbalize and reflect on their
motives quite quickly.
Members may need help to complete unfinished business with each other or
find it difficult to say goodbye to each other. It can be useful to spend time
in pairs doing this or you may prefer to use exercises in which everybody
can participate.
What can often make ending more difficult for members is their association
of group termination with other unresolved or painful life experiences of
separation, loss, abandonment, and bereavement. It is not uncommon for
some members to talk openly about the death of parents or relatives and
bring into the group emotional material from these events. Although the
ending of a group can activate very deep feelings of pain and shock you
should not allow yourself to be frightened or put off by this. You can create
a positive experience of termination for your group which can go a long
way towards healing and redeeming past endings, and showing people that
not all separations have to be brutal and bloody.
As you help people deal with their good and bad feelings you will find that
they are better able to accept separation and dissolve the group. Allow this
to be a difficult time for members and respond to them with compassion,
understanding and acceptance.
Working with the group at the intellectual level of separation
It is important to help members conceptualize what the group experience
has meant to them and be clear about what they are taking away from the
group. A major activity at this stage is to create time and space where
members can evaluate their involvement and progress. This is a different
procedure from the reminiscing type of review that members typically
engage in. Evaluation is a structured part of the group’s work and has clear
objectives:

. To determine the value of the group to the individual.

. To gauge progress in achieving individual goals.
. To assess whether group objectives were achieved.
. To determine what aspects of the group require modification.
The particular purpose of your group will determine what you evaluate for
and how you conduct this. I have a particular format that I use in most
groups because I find it a simple but powerful way of generating meaning,
making connections, and focusing members on their future outside the
group. Depending on the type of group I am working with I will ask
members to write or draw in response to my questions. I preface the
evaluation by repeating familiar themes to my group members – the idea of
journey, of unfolding and of process.
Where have you come from?
What were your goals/objectives at the start of the group? What were your
hopes/ambitions/fears/anxieties? What was the group like for you? What

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 were the times of joy/pain/highs/lows? What did you enjoy/regret,
appreciate/resent?
Where are you at now?
What have you achieved/changed/learned? Are you satisfied/frustrated with
what you have accomplished? What comments can you make about yourself
now? What would you change/modify about the group/programme/sessions?
Where are you going to in your life?
What is the direction you wish to go in? What do you need to do in your
life? What is your next step/goal/possibility? What do you still need to
change/achieve/learn?
What is in your way?
What prevents you from changing/achieving/learning? What blocks you
from going in this direction? What are you avoiding/overlooking/refusing?
What will help you
What do you need to help you change/learn? What do you need to develop
in yourself? What skills/qualities/knowledge do you need? Where will you
get them from?
These five headings provide a framework for members which begins to help
them understand their experience in the group and creates context,
orientation, and perspective so that the group is not perceived as an isolated
event but is woven into their lives.
Encourage people to reflect and abstract what learning and growth took
place; what personal and interpersonal skills they acquired. This will help
individuals view their membership in a more objective light and lessen
feelings of grief or sadness by showing how personally beneficial
involvement in the group was.
You may wish to spend time helping the group plan more specific follow-up
needs. This may require you to be available to offer help after the group
terminates or may take the form of a ‘reunion’ to gauge ‘success’ on a
longer timescale. Be careful that follow-up is seen for what it is and not
used as an attempt to continue or prolong the group.
The experience of leaving the group is not an easy one for either the
members or the leader so make plenty of time available for the group to
work through the separation. Don’t avoid or skimp on this stage of the
group’s life, because if handled well the experience of ending, despite
feelings of sadness and grief, can foster personal satisfaction and self-
reliance, with members leaving the group feeling that they can make it on
their own.
Review

. The separation stage of the group is analogous to death and brings up

issues to do with ending, termination.
. Members can experience this as a time of great anxiety.

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 Work at the ending stage of the group: separation issues

. The worker is more dominant in this stage and may intervene as group
mother, father, and guide, as appropriate.
. The worker helps members to deal with feelings about ending, to review
involvement, and to separate.