Cabaret Script
Cabaret Script
Cabaret Script
1. Thank you! Thank you everyone! Now, who here like to drive fast? Who like to go
from 0 to 60 in under ten seconds? And who here like a hot hunk of mental that get
50 miles to the gallon on the freeway and in the city?
2. I’d like to introduce you to a very special lady. This is Sheila…my Prius. She is the love
of my life and the only girl who really gets me. How many of you named your car?
(Insert audience bit) Do any of you talk to your car? Anyone in a deep, committed,
sometimes toxic relationship with said vehicle? No? Just me? Ok, ok I can see the
looks on everyone’s faces like this girl is coo-coo for coco puffs. But can you blame
me? I mean, she’s just so pretty!
3. You know what? I’m sorry. Sheila, I have to level with you. You are an unreliable
floozy. I mean, when I’m late for a meeting you hide from me in the parking garage.
When I’m going to a callback, you get not one but two flat tires. True story folks! It
literally happened right outside. And when I just want to get to Robbie’s class in the
morning, you DIE! I have to get out of here. Sorry everyone. I’m out. [cue music]
Sheila? No. I can’t. Stop it! Can’t you see what you do to me?
4. Oh baby! I could never quit you. And I don’t care what other people say. They just
don’t understand our relationship. Some people have coke, and I have speed. And no
matter how hard I try, Sheila you’re my favorite drug.