Compulsive

Sexual Behavior
and
Sex Addiction:
Too much of a
good thing?
My story

I began using pornography when I was 14,

mostly out of curiosity. I would sneak into
my father’s room and look at his hidden
magazines. The more I saw, the more I want-
ed. Throughout my teens, I stole porn from
adult bookstores, which I wasn’t even old
enough to enter, legally. As an adult, I rented
pornographic videos. It took harder and
harder-core material to satisfy me. I eventu-
ally turned to live pornography, feeding my
addiction at strip clubs and peep shows.
What began as a casual thing became an
obsession. I couldn’t stay away. And the
more pornography I looked at the more
deviant material I sought. I kept telling
myself I would stop. I felt so ashamed after-
wards, and I swore that every time was the
last. But I found myself doing it again and
again. This was my darkest secret, because
anyone who knew what I was doing would
surely reject me.
By the time I was 20 years old, I was
spending between $300 and $400 a week on
my addiction. I began going to prostitutes
because my wife wouldn’t act out the scenes
I had seen in porn movies—graphic, violent
fantasies. My family relationships suffered. I
visited clubs and prostitutes during my
lunch break and sometimes again on my way
home from work. My career suffered, too.
At 26, all of the shame and anger and
aggression inside me built up so high that I
snapped. I saw a woman alone at night who
represented everything I had been fantasizing
about. I followed her to her car, broke in and
attempted to rape her. She got away, and
later turned me in.
That was 20 years ago. It has been a long
and painful road to recovery. Intensive indi-
vidual, group and family counseling have
helped me overcome my addiction forgive
myself and respect women. If I can do it, any
one can.
Addicted to sex?
Can you be addicted to sex, just as you can to
drugs or alcohol? Ask a sex addict — or some-
one who’s been affected by an addict’s behavior
— a spouse, child, other family member, friend
or victim. Their experience says: “yes.”
Although it’s often portrayed as a “victimless”
individual choice, sex addiction can have very
negative and long-lasting effects on addicts, on
those in relationships with them and on society.

How big of a problem is

sex addiction or compulsion?
Over the past several decades, our society has
grown in its understanding of drug, alcohol and
food addictions, but only in recent years have
we begun to understand sex addiction. Men and
women use sex as a mood-altering substance —
like drugs or alcohol — to cope with relational
pain. Sex addiction is characterized by persons
using sex to get a “high,” and then finding
themselves needing ever-greater or more power-
ful “doses.” Sex addiction affects 3-6% of our
population.1

Most sexual and

pornographic addiction
begin in middle
childhood or early
adolescence.

— Victor Cline, Ph.D.

What does sex addiction/
compulsion look like?
Sex addicts engage in obsessive/compulsive
sexual behavior that causes severe stress to
themselves and their families. They make sex
the center of their lives, become willing to sac-
rifice what they value most and exhibit behav-
iors such as:
• compulsive heterosexual and
homosexual relationships
• exhibitionism
• voyeurism
• incest
• rape and violence
• compulsive masturbation
• obsession with pornography
• prostitution
• indecent phone calls
• child molesting2
For the sex addict, each external sexual act is
a desperate attempt to be involved in a relation-
ship without being truly known and having to
take the risks involved in developing real
intimacy.3 Addicts are unable to stop their
involvement in behaviors they generally know are
destructive, and usually progress to more and
more dangerous behaviors.

“Addiction is a
relationship -
a pathological
relationship - in which
sexual obsession
replaces people.”

—Patrick Carnes, Ph.D.

2
Is Pornography a Factor
in Sex Addiction/Compulsion?
Society continues to debate whether pornogra-
phy is positive/neutral (entertaining or educational)
or harmful. The word itself comes from the Greek
words “porno” and “graphia” meaning “depictions
of the activities of whores,”4 and generally means
“material (as books or a photograph) that depicts
erotic behavior and is intended to cause sexual
excitement.”5 Pornography, including that which
is readily available on the Internet, degrades,
objectifies and dehumanizes women and children.
Dr. Archibald D. Hart observes in his book,
The Sexual Man: Masculinity Without Guilt:
“Most young males have their sexual beliefs and
attitudes shaped by pornography. Exposure often
begins at age thirteen. This distorts their views of
how women feel about sex and what can reason-
ably be expected from sex. . .”6
Among 932 sex addicts studied, 90% of men and
77% of women said pornography was significant
to their addictions. The same study found that child-
hood sexual abuse and frequent use of pornography
accompanied by masturbation are key parts of the
formation of sexually addictive behavior.7
In research conducted with rapists, it was
found that almost half used pornography depicting
consenting sex to arouse themselves before seek-
ing out a victim.8 In another study, sex offenders
said that pornography increased their appetites for
deviant activities.9

3
 Almost half of rapists
used porn depicting
consenting sex to arouse
themselves before seeking
out a victim.

— W.L. Marshall, Ph.D.

Profile of a Sex Addict

Background — 83% report being sexually
abused, 73% physically abused and 97%
emotionally abused/neglected as children.10
Education/Socioeconomic — 42% earn more
than $30,000/year and 58% are college
graduates11; 65% are professionals with a
college and/or graduate degree.12
Emotional State — Addicts feel powerless
and out of control, and need to maintain an
environment in which they are in control and
never feel bad; they are attracted to “persons”
in pornography who can’t say “no,” abandon
or reject them; 83% have other addictions
such as alcoholism, chemical dependency,
eating disorders or compulsive working,
spending or gambling problems.13
Number of Partners/Sexually Transmitted
Infections (STIs) — Addicts may have many
partners and frequent sex in a variety of
circumstances. Many times, the fear of
contracting AIDS or other STIs is not enough
to make them stop their behavior.

4
Dynamics of Sex Addiction
Victor Cline, Ph.D., an expert on the effects of
pornography and its relationship to sex addictions
and abuse, says four factors characterize the con-
dition:
Addiction — Pornography provides a very
powerful sexual stimulant or aphrodisiac
effect, followed by sexual release, most often
through masturbation. The exciting and pow-
erful imagery can then be recalled and elabo-
rated on in subsequent fantasies.
Escalation — Over time, addicts require
rougher and more explicit and deviant materi-
al to get “high.” They may push their partners
into increasingly bizarre sexual activities. And
they come to prefer the imagery of pornogra-
phy, accompanied by masturbation, to sexual
intercourse itself, diminishing their capacity to
express real affection.
Desensitization — Material (in books, maga-
zines, or films/videos) which was first per-
ceived as shocking, illegal, repulsive or
immoral — though still sexually arousing — is
seen as acceptable. The sexual activity depict-
ed becomes legitimized in the person’s mind,
and he/she comes to believe that “everybody
does it.”
Acting Out Sexually — There is an increas-
ing tendency to act out behaviors viewed in
pornography. Addiction locks persons into
these behaviors — no matter what the nega-
tive consequences. It disturbs marital and
family bonds, and increases the possibility of
a person committing a serious sex crime.14

“Pornography is the
gateway toº
sexual addiction.”

—Stephen F. Arterburn

5
 The affected person has
the responsibility to
take the first step to
break the addiction.

– Victor Cline, Ph.D.

Recognizing sex addiction

To help determine whether or not you are a sex
addict ask yourself if...
1. you ever thought you needed help for your
sexual thinking or behavior?
2. you would be better off if you didn’t keep
“giving in?”
3. sex or stimuli are controlling you?
4. you ever tried to stop or limit doing what you
felt was wrong in your sexual behavior?
5. you resort to sex to escape, relieve anxiety, or
because you can’t cope?
6. you feel guilt, remorse, or depression after-
ward?
7. your pursuit of sex has become more compul-
sive?
8. it interferes with relations with your spouse?
9. you have to resort to images or memories dur-
ing sex?
10. an irresistible impulse arises when the other
party makes overtures or sex is offered?
11. you keep going from one “relationship” or
lover to another?

“Without treatment, the

disease of sex addiction
eventually engulfs the
person. For progression
to stop, symptoms must
not just be eliminated,
but the core of the
problem must be healed.”
—Stephen F. Arterburn

6
12. you feel the “right relationship” would help
you stop lusting, masturbating, or being so
promiscuous?
13. you have a destructive need -- a desperate
sexual or emotional need for someone?
14. pursuit of sex make you careless for yourself
or the welfare of your family or others?
15. your effectiveness or concentration decreased
as sex has become more compulsive?

Among 932 sex addicts

studied, 90% percent of
men and 77 percent of
women said pornography
was significant to
their addictions.
– Patrick Carnes, Ph.D.

16. you lose time from work for it?

17. you turn to a lower environment when pursu-
ing sex?
18. you want to get away from the sex partner as
soon as possible after the act?
19. you still masturbate or have sex with others
when you and your partner are sexually com-
patible?
20. you’ve ever been arrested for a sex-related
offense?
© SA Literature. Reprinted with permission;
does not imply endorsement or affiliation.

If you recognize yourself or someone you know in

the above questions, you may want to talk with a
professional counselor or 12-Step group. There is
hope — and effective treatment.

7
Real help is available...today
If you or someone else has a sex addiction prob-
lem, the steps to recovery are:
1. Face the problem. Admit that sex addiction is
a problem. Most people need someone to help
them take this step.
2. Seek help in a “safe” place. The most effective
programs treat the physical, emotional and
spiritual aspects of the problem, and involve
both of these elements:
• Psychologist/counselor — a skilled profes-
sional can provide objective, diagnostic and
clinical help — inpatient or outpatient (includ-
ing phone consultation).
• Support group — A group offers the “arms
and legs” of acceptance, understanding, affir-
mation and loving care. Groups using AA’s 12
Steps are one of the most proven paths to
recovery. Persons accept their addiction, and
admit that they are powerless over their sexual
behavior and that their lives are unmanage-
able. Those involved in Sexaholics
Anonymous, for example, discover that victo-
ry over this mental-spiritual obsession brings
release from the “acting out” in any of its
forms. Then they begin rebuilding relation-
ships by taking responsibility for what they’ve
done, making amends where possible and
embracing healthy values. (There are 12 step
groups that are Christian focused.)
3. Maintain/strengthen recovery. As with other
addictions, maintaining recovery is a day-to-
day, lifetime process. Recovery gains strength
as the person deals with the addiction’s root
issues. After-care groups are an option.

8
 Treating sex addiction
can be likened to
getting medical help for
a badly broken leg.
A person needs to seek
emergency treatment,
follow the doctor’s orders
and be rehabilitated.
Time for healing is part
of the prescription.

Common Questions/Concerns
Will my confidentiality be protected? Addicts
who want to change require a “safe” place — a
counselor or 12 Step group — where their
confidentiality will be respected.
What if I can’t afford treatment? Your
insurance may cover all or most of the cost.
Many programs charge on a sliding scale;
12-Step groups are free. It’s always worth the
investment.
How can I help my spouse or friend recover?
Educate yourself about addiction so you can be
an encourager and avoid “enabling” behavior
that delays recovery. Since the spouse often
feels responsible, he/she should join a support
group for spouses of addicts and seek profes-
sional help also. Realize that there may be
occasional relapses.
What can parents do to help prevent sex
addiction? Teach children that sex is a
beautiful gift, and that anything that degrades
the love between a man and a woman is wrong.
Warn them about pornography. Cultivate a
healthy openness of communication so they’ll
feel free to talk with you about anything without
fear, guilt or shame.

9
Typical sex addiction scenarios
• A salesman who travels extensively promises
himself before each trip that he won’t watch
the hard-core cable TV movies in his hotel,
but he does anyway.
• A woman who reads romance novels fanta-
sizes herself into their fictitious sexual situa-
tions. After a while, she prefers her fantasy
world to real life and tries to re-create it in a
series of affairs. She tells herself she can quit,
but can’t.
• An attorney visits hard-core pornography out-
lets in his area. He fears damage to his reputa-
tion if he’s found out and always tells himself,
“this is the last time,” but it never is.
• A wife is sexually involved outside of her
marriage. Terrified of the potential damage to
her husband and family if discovered, she
promises herself she’ll stop, but she doesn’t.
• An executive repeatedly demands certain sex-
ual behaviors from his wife, but is always
turned down. Frustrated, he turns to prosti-
tutes. After each episode, he’s remorseful and
tell himself he won’t do it again, but he does.
• A teenager desperately seeks affection by
becoming sexually involved with one man
after another. After repeatedly failing to get
the affection she is after, she wants to stop,
but can’t.

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Don’t Let Another Day Pass
If you — or someone else — is reluctant to
seek help, please consider that addiction is pro-
gressive. Knowing there is a sexual addiction
problem and not seeking help can be likened to
knowing that there are cancer cells active in your
body and doing nothing about it. There’s no bet-
ter time than now.
Call us today for a referral to counselors,
groups, tapes or other resources — resources that
can make a real difference to you or someone you
care for.

National Coalition for the

Protection
of Children & Families
513/521-6227 or ncpcf@eos.net
Victims HelpLine
(offers referrals, information and support)
1-800-583-2964

Also Available from NCPCF

Other materials produced by the National
Coalition for the Protection of Children and
Families:
Brochures
• It’s not your fault the person you love
uses porn
• Sex Abuse: Survival and Prevention
• Could Pornography be hurting your
business?
Reports
• Protecting your family in Cyberspace
• Protecting yourself from Pornography’s
Subtle Effects
• The Community Library: Learning
Center or Neighborhood Porn Store?

11
Mission
Protect children and families from the
harms of pornography and its messages.

Vision
• Empowering, coordinating and
supporting the development of
coalitions of lasting influence in local
communities;
• Increasing public awareness of the
availability and harm of pornography
and its messages, particularly in the
lives of children and youth;
• Educating and partnering with pastors
and denominational leaders in
developing an education program that
will inform their constituency on the
harms of pornography and how they can
protect themselves and their families;
• Addressing the issue of Internet
pornography in families, churches,
schools, libraries and businesses through
education development and promotion
of appropriate technical solutions;
• Providing education, information and
hope to those harmed by pornography
and equipping others to provide
effective tangible intervention and care;
• Supporting the enactment and
enforcement, within the Constitution,
of limitations on pornography.

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References
1 Sexual Addiction: Questions and Answers (Golden Valley,
Minn.: Golden Valley Health Center), 5.

2 Sexual Addiction: Questions and Answers (Golden Valley,

Minn.: Golden Valley Health Center), 3.

3 Dr. Harry W. Schaumberg, False Intimacy: Understanding

the Struggle of Sexual Addiction (Colorado Springs,
Colorado: NavPress Publishing Group, 1992), 49.

4 Dr. Victor B. Cline, Pornography’s Effects on Adults &

Children (New York, New York: Morality in Media), 2.

5 Merriam Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary, Tenth Edition

(Springfield, Mass.: Merriam-Webster, Incorporated, 1994).

6 Dr. Archibald D. Hart, The Sexual Man: Masculinity

Without Guilt (Dallas, Texas: Word Publishing, 1994), 33.

7 Dr. Victor B. Cline, Pornography’s Effects on Adults &

Children (New York, New York: Morality in Media), 5; quoted
from: Dr. Patrick Carnes, Don’t Call it Love: Recovery from
Sexual Addictions (New York, New York, Bantam Publishing
Group, 1991).

8 Dr. Victor B. Cline, Pornography’s Effects on Adults &

Children (New York, New York: Morality in Media), 5; quoted
from W.L. Marshall, A Report on the Use of Pornography by
Sexual Offenders (Ottawa, Canada: Federal Department of
Justice, 1983).

9 Dr. Victor B. Cline, Pornography’s Effects on Adults &

Children (New York, New York: Morality in Media), 5; quoted
from G.G. Abel, Use of Pornography and Erotica by Sex
Offenders, presented to U.S. Attorney General’s Commission
on Pornography, Houston, Texas, 1985.

10 National survey, quoted in Sexual Addiction: Questions

and Answers (Golden Valley, Minn.: Golden Valley Health
Center), 6-7.

11 USA Today, 2 February 1989, quoted in Sexual Addiction:

Is it the skeleton in your closet? (Pleasant Hill, California:
Impulse Treatment Center).

12 National survey, quoted in Sexual Addiction: Questions

and Answers (Golden Valley, Minn.: Golden Valley Health
Center), 6.

13 ibid.

14 Dr. Victor B. Cline, Pornography’s Effects on Adults &

Children (New York, New York: Morality in Media), 5.
 Protecting Children
and Families
from the Harms of
Pornography and
its Messages

NATIONAL COALITION
FOR THE PROTECTION OF CHILDREN & FAMILIES
800 Compton Road, Suite 9224
Cincinnati, OH 45231
513-521-6227 Fax 513-521-6337
HelpLine 1-800-583-2964
www.nationalcoalition.org
The National Coalition for the Protection of Children &
Families is a 501(c)(3) nonpartisan, nonprofit organization.

© National Coalition for the

Protection of Children & Families, 1999.