Friendly Persuasion

By

Michael Hehn
www.secure.michaeltips.com

Usage Rights
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system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, pho-
tocopying, recording, scanning, or otherwise, without the prior written permission
of the publisher.

Disclaimer
All the material contained in this book is provided for educational and informa-
tional purposes only. No responsibility can be taken for any results or outcomes
resulting from the use of this material.
While every attempt has been made to provide information that is both accurate
and effective, the author does not assume any responsibility for the accuracy or
use/misuse of this information.
 - Table of Contents -

5 Body Language Hacks to Win People Over......................................................................4

4 Steps to Getting People to Do What You Want Them to Do............................................6
4 Conversation Hacks to Persuade Anyone of Anything.....................................................8
4 Basic Principles You Must Understand Before You Can Effectively Persuade.................10
3 Tips on Friendly Persuasion from Dale Carnegie...........................................................12
 5 Body Language Hacks to Win People Over
Body Language is a significant player in conversations, though it’s usually underes-
timated. Keep reading to learn how you can improve your body language and start
making the difference in your friendly persuasion conversations

1. Eye Contact
No one likes “darty” eyes. Making eye contact signals to the person you are
speaking with that you are paying attention to them. Too much eye contact
may make the person feel overwhelmed or like they are being stared down.
Providing reassuring eye contact with the person you are trying to influence
will make your job much easier.

2. Smile When No One Is Looking

You know that you need to be smiling when you are talking to people. How-
ever, did you ever consider that you should smile even when you are on the
phone? Smiling when no one can see you will have two effects. First, it will
boost your own mood. Second, smiling will affect your vocals, and the per-
son you are speaking with will be able to tell the difference. Think of smiling
while talking on the phone as the equivalent of making strong eye contact
in person. It is reassuring and positive.

3. Power Stance
The idea of faking it until you make it is that if you fake confidence or opti-
mism, you will begin to cultivate them within yourself. That being explained,
take a power stance while working to persuade someone of something you
want. Standing tall with your hands on your hips and a determined look on
your face will allow you to exude confidence to those around you. You can
even stand in those pose before meeting with someone you want to influ-
ence.
4. Nod in Agreement
Nodding is an encouraging gesture. You are telling the other person to con-
tinue, that you are listening. Nodding can also help you to follow along and
understand what you are being told.

5. Move Your Hands

There’s good news for those of us who “talk with our hands.” Gesturing can
help make what you are saying more memorable to those you are speaking
to. Giving a thumbs up while telling a coworker she did a great job on an im-
portant presentation will let her know you are appreciative or proud. Ges-
turing number signs with your hands during while going over the monthly
bills with your spouse will help cement in his or her mind the numbers that
you gave them. The key is to keep your hand gestures relative to the conver-
sation.
 4 Steps to Getting People to Do What You Want
Them to Do
Persuasion isn’t just the title of a book. It is around us everywhere. Persuading a
coworker to help you with a menacing project. Persuading your team to stay late a
few nights to make a deadline. Persuading your toddler to eat his green beans.
Okay, that last one will never happen, we all know that.

However, what if you could get the people around you do what you want them to
do? What if you could get them to do those things in four, simple steps? Below
you will find those steps to getting people to do what you need them to do, with
one catch. You must follow all the steps and not take any shortcuts.

1. The Person Needs the Skills

This may seem like an overly simple place to start, but it is regularly over-
looked. Make sure you have the person with the qualifications for the task
by considering the best person for the job you need to be done.

6. Offer an Appealing Reward

Know what makes people tick, what is important to them. This may be days
off work, tickets to an event or a catered lunch to make a grueling team
project more enjoyable. Know your audience. Know what they like and
sweeten the deal.

7. The Reward Must Be Guaranteed

Your appealing reward must be guaranteed, and the reward must outweigh
the risk. You cannot offer, “If you all stay late tonight to finish this project by
the deadline, I might let you all leave work early tomorrow.” This reward
does not outweigh the risk, and they may very well decide that the possibil-
ity of some time off wouldn’t be worth losing a night of sleep.
 8. Make It Easier on Them
Keep in mind that asking someone to go out of their way for you may have
repercussions for them. Consider this before asking. If Claire will have to
find someone to pick her kids up from school if she takes you to the airport,
think of a way to make collecting her kids easy. Is there a mutual friend who
could do it? Be prepared to offer some quid pro quo to show the individual
you’ve put some thought into how doing you a favor might complicate their
life.

Getting what you want isn’t always easy. While these four steps are simple in their
conception, it will take work and maybe even compromise on your part. However,
if you are willing to work through these steps, you just might find people are will-
ing to do you that important favor.
 4 Conversation Hacks to Persuade Anyone of
Anything
Trying to persuade someone to your way of thinking can be downright daunting. It
doesn’t have to be though. Persuasion is a skill, and just like all other skills, it can
be honed, practiced, and improved upon. Below are four conversation hacks that
will help up your persuasion game.

1. Know Names and Use Them

Have you ever accidentally called someone by the wrong name? You were
probably mortified, but we all make mistakes. However, it is not okay to
continue to use filler words and pronouns in place proper names. Learn the
names of those around you, the people that are important to them, and
places they like to go. Susan is your coworker, and she is married to Kacey.
Susan and Kacey like to go to Rachel’s Café for dinner. This may seem like a
nicety that you do or do not have time for, but remembering names, busi-
nesses (especially if someone owns it or works there), as well as other prop-
er names you hear regularly can help endear you to other people and make
them feel important.

9. Have a Plan
Flying by the seat of your pants happens sometimes. You find yourself
thrown a curveball that you could not prepare for. Preparation is always
better, though. Understanding the person you are trying to persuade, and
knowing their priorities so you can tailor your conversation is always the
best bet to getting what you want.

10. Imitation – The Highest Form of Flattery

This does not mean that you should mimic people. However, reading people
—their body language and demeanor—so you can adjust yours to work in
tandem is one of the skills that truly persuasive people do. If you are talking
 to someone that is more laid back and relaxed, do not overwhelm them
with your enthusiasm. Instead, pace yourself so that you match their natu-
ral style. Studies prove we are more persuasive when we imitate the person
we are trying to get on board.

11. No Stupid Questions

No one likes raising their hand and asking a question, so don’t make anyone
feel bad about asking. Instead, praise and encourage them so that they feel
validated and comfortable enough to continue the conversation. Simple
pre-answer comments such as, “I’m glad you asked that,” or “Yes, that is a
very important aspect, let me tell you about it,” lets people know they are
being heard.

Persuasion isn’t always easy, but simply taking the time to know your audience
and practicing positive reinforcement can give you a leg-up.
 4 Basic Principles You Must Understand Before
You Can Effectively Persuade
Persuasion is both a skill and an art. It takes practice, finessing, and time to be
able to effectively persuade others. However, that doesn’t mean that someone
with strong persuasion skills will be successful every time. There are four basic
principles that must be practiced to determine if a situation calls for persuasion or
if it is even possible.

1. Persuade Don’t Manipulate

Persuasion is the act of swaying someone to agree to something that is in
your best interest. Manipulation is the act of coercing someone to your way
of thinking or acting by force, be it real or imagined. The line between per-
suasion and manipulation can often be a thin one. Be sure that you are not
pressuring someone, but instead are presenting them with real facts, and
letting them know that the decision is ultimately their own.

12. You Can’t Persuade Everyone Every Time

This step and the remaining two build off one another and intertwine in the
big picture of persuading. There will be times when s person cannot be per-
suaded, no matter your skill. Be it selling cars or trying to win votes, you
must know when you are up against someone that isn’t going to be per-
suaded. Focus on those that can be.

13. Remember Place and Purpose

Likes and dislikes change. Life goals and circumstances change. Be sure that
you are targeting the correct person or group of people at the correct time
and place for persuasion. You may not be able to persuade a brand-new col-
lege graduate with $50,000 in school loans to buy a brand-new car, but you
may be able to persuade a new expecting set of parents to buy a gently
used minivan.
 14. Persuade the Interested
You now know that you cannot persuade everyone every time. You also
know to take into consideration where someone is at in life and what their
purpose is. Now, you just need to take into consideration if the person is in-
terested in being persuaded. This means that the person must be interested
(or maybe invested) in what you are saying and that they must also be inter-
ested in listening to you. Take those newly expecting parents, for example.
If you try to sell them a coup convertible, they will not be interested. How-
ever, the gently used minivan, that they will be interested in.

Persuasion is not always a viable option, and from these four basic principles, you
should now be able to decide if a person or situation merits your time and energy.
 3 Tips on Friendly Persuasion from Dale
Carnegie
Dale Carnegie’s book How to Win Friends and Influence People is a well-known
work that has been applied to sales techniques many times over. However, the
techniques that Carnegie expels in his work can be applied to many areas of life.

1. Think Loftier
Finding the loftier cause sounds difficult and tiresome. It isn’t. Everyone
wants to think the best of others and of themselves. Take, for example, the
statement, “I want to become a bestselling author.” Why do I want to be-
come a bestselling author? My motivation could really be because I want to
make thousands of dollars doing what I love. Or, my nobler, loftier motiva-
tion might be so that I can influence thousands of young women to see
themselves in a positive light through my words.

Find your more noble motivation, as well as others’ when attempting to

persuade. It puts a positive spin on your request, and it can encourage oth-
ers to see the silver lining in the part you are hoping they will play.

15. Get Dramatic

Numbers, figures, statistics. They can be boring when broken down to the
basest fundamentals. For some people, speaking simple numbers may get
the job done, but to persuade most people, you will need to dramatize it a
little.

For this example, if you are trying to talk a friend into clipping coupons, you
might explain a friend that by doing so, you saved $50 over the course of a
month. Your friend may feel like $50 is not a big enough savings for the time
and hassle. However, if you framed your savings in a different light;, such as,
“I saved enough money in two months to pay cash for a deep tissue mas-
 sage,” now that will get your friend’s attention. Reframing a situation be it
real or hypothetical in a different light with a little drama can completely
change the effect your words will have.

16. Don’t Sell, Buy

Selling and buying are fundamentally different things, but you can do both
at the same time. For example, if you are buying something, you are also
being sold something. When you are trying to “sell someone” on some-
thing, be it getting your friend to choose a better shade of lipstick or selling
the unlimited package on a new car to your spouse, keep this in mind. Re-
member that while you are selling something, the person you are selling to
will feel more in control, motivated, and secure in the purchase if they are
looking at the situation in terms of, “I am buying this,” instead of, “I was
sold this.”

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