DISHA – PM TRAINING

BUILD AND MANAGE RELATIONSHIPS

Invest in Relationship
& Reaching out
INTERESTING FACTS

The human brain acts in many ways like a camcorder, vividly THE CHAMELEON EFFECT --– It’s the phenomenon in which
recording events. While that event may not consciously be we tend to unconsciously mimic the speech, pattern , tone
retrieved by the owner, the event always exists in the brain. of voice and mood of someone we spend a lot of time with.
Both the event and the feelings experienced during that
event are stored in the brain. The event and the feelings are
locked together, and neither one can be recalled without
the other.
USE OF TRANSACTIONAL ANALYSIS TECHNIQUE

When people transact and exchange ideas and information, they are either
comfortable or uncomfortable communicating with each other. Transactional
analysis is a technique which helps to understand the behavior of other person
so that communication becomes effective. Understanding human behavior helps
to motivate, guide and direct employees and eventually reach out to them.
INVEST IN RELATIONSHIPS & REACHING OUT

This is applicable for a client-facing position. Where one needs to differentiate between a good client relationship and a
not-so-good one.
Good client relationships make you feel like a true partner to your client. They trust and listen to you, and you feel
good about the work you do for them. As a result, your relationship builds and expands into bigger and better things,
either through longevity, additional projects or business, or the biggest compliment—referrals to other clients.

But building a strong relationship goes beyond

delivering on what your contract says, although that’s
crucial.
 THE RULEBOOK
1. Really Get to Know How They Work- Know what you’re walking into so you can present yourself and your work
effectively.
2. Take the hit. -Sometimes, whatever the issue and regardless of who is actually at fault, some people step in and take the
hit. Few acts are more selfless
3. Step in without being asked. People who build extraordinary relationships pay close attention so they can tell when
others are struggling.
4. Know when to dial it back. People who build great relationships know when to have fun and when to be serious, when to
be over the top and when to be invisible, and when to take charge and when to follow.
5. Prove they think of others. People who build great relationships don't just think about other people. They act on those
thoughts.
6. Realize when they have acted poorly. Most people apologize when their actions or words are called into question. Very
few people apologize before they are asked to--or even before anyone notices they should.
 THE SCIENCE OF IT
Freud believed that personality had three components, all of which must work together to produce our complex
behaviors. These three components or aspects were the Id, Ego, and the Superego. It was Freud’s belief that these
three components needed to be well-balanced to produce reasonable mental health and stability in an individual.
According to Freud, the Id functions in the irrational and emotional part of the mind, the Ego functions as
the rational part of the mind, and the Superego can be thought of as the moral part of the mind, a manifestation of
societal or parental values.

Importance of it!
We will delve further into the Ego aspect to help understand the importance of Relationships and Reaching out!
 TRANSACTION ANALYSIS
Transactional Analysis (TA) is a theory of personality and behavior which helps us understand the psychological make-up of
individuals. It was formulated by an American Psychiatrist Eric Berne in 1958. Berne observed that as you watch and listen to people
you can see them change before your eyes. There are simultaneous changes in facial expression, vocabulary, gestures, posture and
body functions.
He realised the existence of ego states when he made an interesting observation in a client. In a session, at times his client had the voice
and manner of a small child and suddenly she would transform to a self-righteous parent who was critical and dogmatic in her manner.
There were also moments when she sounded like a grown-up woman who reasoned her situation logically.

Simply Saying -

• Parent is our 'Taught' concept of life

• Adult is our 'Thought' concept of life

• Child is our 'Felt' concept of life

 TRANSACTIONAL ANALYSIS
 Parent – Is a set of feelings, attitudes and behaviors taken from the parents and other significant parental figures in the
environment. The parent is a huge collection of recordings in the brain as perceived by the person in roughly first five years of his
life. Everything the child saw his parents say or do is recorded in the parent. This data is taken in directly without any editing or
questioning.

Examples of recordings in the Parent include:

•“Never talk to strangers”

•“Always chew with your mouth closed”

•“Look both ways before you cross the street”

Exercise : Think of one behavior you have in response to a given situation that exactly matches either of your parents. For
example: If one of your parents habitually reprimanded offenders in a loud voice, in a similar situation would you do the
same? If so, then that is an example of your Parent Ego State.
TRANSACTIONAL ANALYSIS

 Child – In contrast to the Parent, the Child represents the recordings in the brain of internal events associated with external events
the child perceives. Like the Parent, recordings in the Child occur from childbirth all the way up to the age of approximately 5 years old.

The child also has happy emotions recorded — like the first
time he played in mud, got wet in the rain, cuddled a pet,
etc. Creativity and curiosity both come from the child in us.
Some more examples
“When I saw the monster’s face, I felt really scared”
“The clown at the birthday party was really funny!

Exercise : Recall a situation where you responded just the way you would when you were a little child. For example: In childhood,
when your parents scolded you, would you sulk for hours because you didn’t have permission to express your anger at them? Or,
would you shout back at them? Either way, is this the same way you respond when you get angry with others today? If so, this is an
example of your Child Ego State.
 TRANSACTIONAL ANALYSIS

 Adult – is the set of feelings, attitudes and behaviours that are in direct response to the here-and-now reality.
Responses are not based on the past. The Adult state of being is attentive to the present, evaluates pros-and-cons,
gathers data, asks questions, clarifies, reasons logically and takes responsibility. This ego state starts developing at
the age of ten months.
 Under excessive stress, the Adult might get impaired and not be able to function normally. The boundaries
between Parent, Adult and Child Ego states are fragile. In the event of bad news, the Adult might get overwhelmed
enough to quit being a problem-solver and become a mere onlooker. Like a muscle in the body, the Adult grows and
develops through training and use.The Adult function develops best through self-work and introspection.

Exercise : Think of a situation you handled without prejudice or baggage. A decision you made logically with an open mind. This is an
example of using your adult function. It’s a response which could be different from how your parents would have responded in a
similar situation. It’s also different from how the child in you would have dealt with it.

Decisions taken from the Adult are usually beneficial in problem-solving. For example: When somebody is
angry with you, instead of teaching them a lesson (Parent Ego state) or crying (Child Ego State), you ask the
person what he needs from you (Adult Ego State).
 GOING INSIDE EGO STATES
Parent
Parent is now commonly represented as a circle with four quadrants:
• Nurturing - Nurturing (positive) and Spoiling (negative).
• Controlling - Structuring (positive) and Critical (negative).

Adult
Adult remains as a single entity, representing an 'accounting' function or mode, which can draw on the resources of
both Parent and Child.

Child
Child is now commonly represented as circle with four quadrants:
• Adapted - Co-operative (positive) and Resistant (negative).
• Free - Spontaneous (positive) and Immature (negative).
STRUCTURAL MODEL – EGO STATE - VIDEO

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 DESCRIPTIVE MODEL
Negative Controlling Negative Nurturing
Parent Mode - CP - NP Parent Mode • When we come (communicate) from the red modes
we invite a negative response.
• When we come (communicate) from the green
+ CP + CP Positive Nurturing modes we invite a positive response.
Positive Controlling
Parent Mode
Parent Mode

Accounting Mode
A

Positive Positive Adapted

Free Child Mode + FC + AC Child Mode

- FC - AC
Negative Negative Adapted
Free Child Mode Child Mode
BEHAVIORAL OUTCOMES

 Have a consistent view and interpretation of work. Do not give fragmented information as this leads
to confusion
 Evaluate – Are you the Nurturing or Critical Parent type ?
 As nurturing parents, managers praise good performance of the workers. They interact with them
and help them during times of distress. They reflect nurturing behavior towards others.
 As critical parents, managers criticize or ignore poor performance of the workers rather than help
them to improve. They have a critical attitude while interacting with others.
 LIFETIME POSITIONS
Behavior of a person depends upon his experience at different stages of his life. He develops a philosophy towards work from early
childhood which becomes part of his identity and remains with him for lifetime unless some external factor changes it. These positions
are called life time positions.
They fall into four categories:
(a) I am OK, You are OK.

This life position represents a desperate state of persons who have lost interest in life.
They have been brought up as neglected children and, therefore, have negative attitude towards life.
Managers with this life position do not believe in themselves and others.
They make mistakes in work, do not make proper decisions and also do not believe in decisions made by others.

(b) I am OK, You are not OK.

This life position represents a state of distrust in the person himself. He lacks confidence in whatever he does. He believes he cannot do things
that people around him can do and, therefore, keeps grumbling most of the times about something or the other.
Managers with this life position are usually not good managers. They do not perform well, have an erratic behavior, feel guilty for their acts and
often use excuses to act against others.
 LIFETIME POSITIONS

(c) I am not OK, You are OK.

This life position represents parent ego of a person who is brought up as a rebellious child. They have critical attitude towards others. They believe
whatever they do is right and blame others for their wrong acts. This usually happens when a person is ignored as a child.
Managers with this life position have critical attitude towards others. They find faults with others and lack trust, faith and confidence in them. They
believe whatever they do is right and, therefore, do not delegate tasks to others.

(d) I am not OK, You are not OK.

This life position represents adult ego of a person. It becomes the philosophy of a person who has good and positive experiences with others. They feel
confident about themselves and others. Managers with this life position believe in give and take. They are competent to take decisions and also allow
others to participate in the decision-making processes. They delegate authority and express confidence and consistency in others. They are not
threatened by others and express freely what they want to express.
 RECIPROCAL OR COMPLEMENTARY TRANSACTIONS
A simple, reciprocal transaction occurs when both partners are addressing the ego state the other is in. These are also
called complementary transactions.

Example 1
• A: "Have you been able to write the report?"
• B: "Yes - I'm about to email it to you." ----(This exchange was Adult to Adult)

Example 2
• A: "Would you like to skip this meeting and go watch a film with me instead?"
• B: "I'd love to - I don't want to work anymore, what should we go and see?" (Child to Child)

Example 3
• A: "You should have your room tidy by now!" (Parent to Child)
• B: "Will you stop hassling me? I'll do it eventually!" (Child to Parent)
 CROSSED TRANSACTIONS
Communication failures are typically caused by a 'crossed transaction' where partners address ego states other than
that their partner is in. Consider the earlier examples jumbled up a bit.

Example 1a
• A: "Have you been able to write that report?" (Adult to Adult)
• B: "Will you stop hassling me? I'll do it eventually!" (Child to Parent) is a crossed transaction likely to produce
problems in the workplace. "A" may respond with a Parent to Child transaction. For instance:
• A: "If you don't change your attitude, you'll get fired."

Example 2a
• A: "Is your room tidy yet?" (Parent to Child)
• B: "I'm just going to do it, actually." (Adult to Adult) is a more positive crossed transaction. However there is the
risk that "A" will feel aggrieved that "B" is acting responsibly and not playing their role, and the conversation will
develop into:
• A: "I can never trust you to do things!" (Parent to Child)
• B: "Why don't you believe anything I say?" (Adult to Adult) which can continue indefinitely.
 COVERT TRANSACTIONS
Another class of transaction is the 'covert' transactions, where the explicit social conversation occurs in parallel with
an implicit psychological transaction.

For instance,
• A: “I hope you wouldn’t tell my wife that I had an icecream again at work." (Adult words) body language indicates
mistrust
• B: "Of course not." (Adult response to Adult statement). winking or grinning (Child teases again).
 FUNCTIONAL MODEL – EGO STATE - VIDEO

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ACTIVITY

Photo Finish
A quick and easy game that can be played with small teams with zero equipment. Participants have to walk across a finish
line at exactly the same time in a "photo finish". Great for testing coordination. And for getting a frame-worthy picture
for your office.
Number of participants: 4-20 people
Duration: 20 minutes
Objective: Focus on communication and coordination
How to play
1. Create a straight 'finish line' using chalk, masking tape or rope.
2. Ask all participants to cross the finish line at exactly the same time, i.e. a "photo finish". Participants will have to
coordinate with each other to pull this off.
3. Take a photograph every time they cross the finish line to see if it qualifies as a photo finish.
4. For added difficulty, ask the participants to walk or run across the finish line in a photo finish.
Strategy
This game sounds deceptively easy, but it actually requires a lot of coordination. For a true photo finish, players will have
to work very closely together. They will also need to informally elect a 'leader' who can lead the coordination efforts.
 TRANSACTIONAL ANALYSIS - VIDEO

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THANK YOU