Valley Hope - The 12 Steps of Transformation

The 12 Steps of Transformation
Posted in 12 Step Rehab |
I recently spoke with a man going through early opiate withdrawal. Walking back to my office, I
was transported back to those yesterday’s when I was in that exact same position. I was angry,
ashamed and frightened; but I couldn’t tell you that. My addiction transformed what was once a
fruitful life into a little blackened heap of ashes but strangely, I struggled with willingness.
I didn’t like addiction recovery meetings —they wanted me to talk about myself and I was afraid
of that. I thought “if you knew me like I know me, you would hate me as much as I do,” and I
couldn’t take that rejection. And sponsors? They were always expecting people to do things like
make phone calls when they said they would. My “sponsor” tried to influence me and, even
though I couldn’t look into a mirror and like who I saw, I wasn’t about to allow someone else
guide me. I mean, how could someone else possibly understand my plight? Then came the
weirdest “suggestion”, freely give to others? Not where I come from. Giving to others meant less
for me and I already didn’t have enough–didn’t matter what it was, I just didn’t have enough.
So, on I went in my little addiction recovery journey, I say “little journey” because it wasn’t long
before I relapsed. You see, I didn’t really want to stop using; I just wanted to stop hurting.
Fortunately for me, I had nowhere to go and the ½ way house I lived in took me back but insisted
that I work a program. Cornered again. I once heard “when the pain of remaining in a bud
outweighs the fear of blossoming, you will burst forth.”
So, reluctantly–tenuously I made a decision in step 3 to attempt living my life in 24 hour
segments of time, applying certain spiritual principles. I began to get relief from the fear of
living. I had been stuck on survive for so long I had no idea anything else existed. Working step
4 revealed a few surprises. I knew I was selfish, I didn’t know the depth of my depravity. I was
terrified with the prospect of describing these things to my sponsor. Willingness (even resistant
willingness) was all that was needed to start. When my sponsor told me he suffered from the
same character defects, I was astounded, especially because he had peace. That was an
awakening–no, it was a fulfillment of my deepest need at the time; I knew I wasn’t alone
anymore. I was set free from judging myself and constantly finding fault. Getting to stop judging
myself meant I could stop judging you too.
The danger here is I tend to pat myself on the back for all my good work. It’s important to
remember, working the steps doesn’t bring needed transformation, step work only places us in
position to be transformed. Otherwise I get caught up in playing god again.
Steps 6 and 7 are the place of magic in the 12 Steps. It is the admission that even after all this
work, I am still selfish and self-centered and I can’t manage life without God. When I find
myself getting upset, agitated or doubtful I pause. I admit that I am, once again acting in a way
that does not suit me, and I ask God how I can change. Usually I get fresh perspective; I always
get to stop focusing on myself.
My favorite passage reads “like a dog returning to his vomit, so a fool returns to his folly;” AA’s
definition of insanity. I need to learn to live in acceptance; to be accepting of you and your faults
and accepting of myself and mine. If I can do this on a daily basis I can have a measure of
humility and the willingness to clean up the wreckage I create with steps 8 and 9.
I will leave the rest of the steps for another time and close with this; I hated meetings, sponsors
and accountability in my early addiction recovery stages, and yet today these are some of the
finest things in life. That is confirmation I don’t always know what’s good for me and
reinforcement that I need to be willing to be influenced by others.
Highlight on the 12 Steps

There are countless ways that we can illustrate powerlessness from experiences of life. This time
of year I think of driving on snow and ice. There is nothing worse than to go into a skid on ice
and not be able to regain control of the vehicle. We feel totally powerless over the situation and
can only hope and pray the damage is limited. Feeling powerless in life is never fun or easy to
cope with, but it is part of the life’s experience we all face. On a deeper level, all human beings
have limits. We have limits at every turn. We have limits with gravity, with the amount of time
we are awake, limits to how much we can eat, how long we live and how well we can reason and
face adversities. We live in a country that wants to lift up rugged individualism and the freedom
to dream without limit. Also, our culture does not do well with grief. We are to “get over”
quickly our losses and fix even difficult and complex problems with easy solutions. These are all
limits that are not accepted by our culture and do not serve us well. The life after alcohol rehab
and recovery is real and in touch with the difficulties of accepting our limits even while we live
in a culture that is out of touch with limits and looking for a cure for all that limits us.
As a child of an alcoholic, I am impressed with all I have learned from people after making it
through alcohol rehab. Accepting one’s powerlessness over a disease is a pattern that can be
helpful to all of humanity because we all face limits. Acceptance is the key to finding a way to be
real and authentic, by living honestly within our limits. When we live within our limits, we are
ready to turn to a Greater Power to help bring some sense of peace and joy occasionally to our
lives.
As no one is perfect, by definition, all have issues to work on in relationship with the God of
one’s understanding. What I need to work on in my relationship with God, often times, is also a
relapse trigger. One of my issues is self-will. I want to do it my way. Eventually, I notice that I
have managed to make a mess of things, and then I am ready to turn over to God and say, “I
surrender.” I picture self-will as a “tugof- war” with God. Now, who do you think is going to win
this struggle? Time and time again I catch myself arm wrestling with God. You’d think I’d learn.
The decision to turn my will over to God is an obvious one. Turning over my will to God’s care
is the journey after alcohol rehab and recovery, and I must do it each day. When I do, I am able
to follow God’s lead and with a stronger power than the disease by my side, I am able to stay
clean and sober.
The Road Not Taken

Life is filled with choices. Some choices we make ourselves, while others are selected by certain
people for our benefit. The person one becomes all centers around the choices he or she makes
while on the road to life. This road may appear to be straight and never waving, but there are
many paths and side-roads along the way, which take us to different destinations. Sometimes, we
are guided or forced onto a path that we think is not in our best interests, and we complain or
worry about where our lives are going. As a young man easing my way into the “real world,” I
have had many choices made for me by my parents. But what happens when one my parents
cannot make the right choices for herself? Five years ago, my mother decided to take her
drinking to the extreme, and become an alcoholic. When she made this switch, she chose a path
in life which she could never go back and try again. My mother made a decision five years ago
which not only chose the direction she was headed, but also the direction our family was headed.
Strange as it may sound, however, if I could reverse the hands of time, I would go down that
same path one more time.
Usually when a choice is presented to a person, there are pros and cons of each; something which
makes it hard for one to decide which way to go.
Then took the other, as just as fair, And having perhaps the better claim Because it was grassy
and wanted wear, Though as for that the passing there Had worn them really about the same.
In this section of Robert Frost’s poem “The Road Not Taken,” he describes choices in life, in
which both options look appealing. But at such a young age, such as 18-years old, how do I (or
anyone else) know what is in my best interests ten years from now? Who is to tell me I should
not get married before I start college? I do not want to get married for a long time, but the point I
am making is that nobody can predict the future, telling us what is good for us. The path which
looked so green and luscious to Robert Frost may actually be the token which says, “Go to jail,
go directly to jail, do not pass go, do not collect two hundred dollars.” Things are not always as
great as they appear at the entrance.
The sign at the entrance of the road to alcoholism is not that impressive, however. It is this
yellow, crooked board with an arrow at the bottom of it. The sign, which says “addiction free,”
has blinking lights and smiley faces all over it. For some strange reason, my mother chose the
path with the sign reading “addiction this way.” We could have left her at the entrance and bid
her farewell, but I wanted my mother back someday. Therefore, we all stuck out our hands and
let her drag us onto the road. Had we just left my mother on her own without alcohol rehab, there
is little doubt in my mind my mom would not have made it. So, we all tagged along with her
down the dark and dusty path. For three years, my mother gave up drinking off and on. For three
years, my family had to put up with living with an addict. She went through alcohol rehab three
times, the third one taking around 9 months before she came home again. Three years on this
path and I was beat. Every day, from my eighth grade year in middle school, until my sophomore
year in high school, I thought, “Why did she pick this path?”
It is now my senior year in high school. I am almost as proud as my mom to say she has been
alcohol free for two whole years. In a couple of weeks, I will get to have my mom with me to
celebrate and cry at my graduation. Next year, she will get the opportunity to see my sister
receive a journalism degree from college. My parents have been married for nearly 24-years, and
if they can get through a three-year slump, I think they are pretty well set for life. When my mom
made the choice she was done drinking and really stuck to her alcohol rehab plan, her road to
recovery was pretty amazing. This time the road she chose was not so dark and dusty at all, but
rather a path filled with new life. During the low points of her alcohol addiction, my sister and I
became as close as we have ever been. My father and I lived alone with each other for a good
portion of those three-years, and our relationship gained even more strength than it had before.
Words cannot express how much better our family is in general. My mother is now a more
confident person. I look up to her as one of, if not the strongest person I have ever met.
God works in mysterious ways. Just when one thinks the road they have chosen is the wrong
one, there always seems to be that light shining at the end of the tunnel. That light, for me,
happened to mean getting my mom back, and having a tighter family than I did in the beginning.
The beautiful thing about life is a person cannot go back and take “The Road Not Taken.” But
even if I could, I would probably stick my hand out one more time and say, “Lead the way,
Mom.”
Changing the Narrative

I remember growing up and hearing the stories by older people in my family about the kind of
life they had compared to mine. Maybe you have heard the, “walking to school barefoot in the
snow uphill both ways” stories, as well. It has been my experience that each generation of people
has their own narratives about life and how to approach things. In earlier times in America, the
rugged individual concept guided many a generation. Today it has changed, but the idea of
having a narrative remains. We often use narratives to help us stay on track. They become a
value system that guide us and hold us accountable to ourselves. Most of the time, the narratives
are harmless and beneficial. Unfortunately, in the addictive world they tend to feed the addiction
we struggle with.
Often times an addicted person creates the narrative to justify the using or drinking. A person can
become the victim. In this scenario, the person meets circumstances that are so overwhelming
and perplexing they can stagger the mind. Often in this case the addicted person spends an
inordinate amount of time creating a story, time and again, to give the “reason” for using. The
stories become so convincing and real to the alcoholic or addict that it is difficult for them to see
past it.
Whatever the narrative might be, it is important to break its spell if it is feeding the disease of
addiction. How does one do this? The twelve steps identify how working a spiritual program can
break the narrative and reformat our thinking in all areas of our lives. The Big Book talks about
having “vital spiritual experiences”…that are…”huge emotional displacements and
rearrangements. Ideas, emotions, and attitudes which were once the guiding forces of the lives…
are suddenly cast to one side, and a completely new set of conceptions and motives begin to
dominate them.” (pg. 27 in the abridged Big Book). When this happens, the narratives begin to
change.
How is your spiritual program? Are you spending enough time with your Higher Power for that
to happen? Spirituality can give you another paradigm to live by. It can change your whole
perspective on life. Let us look at the example above. Spirituality can help us see our part in our
lives and ask our Higher Power for help and change so we don’t repeat the same patterns in life.
Spirituality allows us to see outside ourselves to the bigger world of service and selflessness,
where we can live the principle of forgiveness instead of living in the poison of resentment.
Spirituality can help us practice acceptance and tolerance rather than staying in the frustration.
My prayer is that you begin working your spiritual program earnestly and look for the
opportunities where the God of your understanding can give you spiritual eyes to see by and
perhaps live that sober life. Allow God to reformat the narrative of the past with a new and
empowered perspective. Then perhaps you can find a new narrative of hope and peace.
Why Is Early Recovery So Hard?

The answer to this question is not an easy one. Each person’s situation is so unique that the
specifics of what makes early recovery difficult for people vary widely. However, putting these
specific difficulties into a more general framework of understanding of why early recovery is so
difficult can help one have a broader understanding of why his or her very present, in your face,
difficulty is worth going through.
In early recovery the problems an individual faces are usually quite pressing. This coupled with a
decreased sense of personal efficacy and rather rusty or underdeveloped abilities to cope with
stress and pressure can create what feels like the perfect storm. This seemingly chaos filled time
must be faced by each individual head on and it is paramount that a bigger vision is cast in order
to help them understand and persevere the squall.
Just like the severity and projection of a storm can be understood by looking at the etiology, the
difficulty of early recovery can be understood by looking at the origin and development of early
recovery. We can develop this understanding by looking at a few old adages from “the laws of
the harvest.”
One of the first laws of the harvest is pretty well known. We reap what we sow and we reap in
the same kind as we sow. Two points can be made here. First, WE reap what we sow. Most
people that are being honest with themselves in early recovery know that their behaviors in
addiction didn’t only negatively affect themselves; it effects their families, co-workers, friends,
etc. Part of the difficulty in early recovery is that the individual is taking in the harvest of seeds
of destruction, dishonesty, isolation, manipulation, and irresponsibility that have been planted for
many “seasons” prior to their entry into early recovery. Not only are they reaping this harvest, so
are their loved ones (resulting in ongoing feelings of distrust, anger, fear, etc). Second,
Remembering that we reap in the same kind as we sow allows the person to understand that if he
or she chooses to not use drugs or alcohol, but continues to live the same way otherwise (by
lying, manipulating, hustling, being irresponsible, etc.) he or she is going to get the same result
he or she always has.
What makes this all even more difficult is that the person in early recovery is usually attempting
to plant a different kind of seed; seeds of honesty, responsibility, vulnerability, transparency.
These are very difficult behaviors for someone who has, as a result of their addiction, become so
accustomed to a very different way of life. To them it can feel like, “I am doing things differently
now and no one cares.” Their family still doesn’t trust them, their work may not believe they are
capable, their friends may be slow to return calls, and they may be dealing with various financial,
medical, spiritual, and legal problems to boot. This is why another law of the harvest is important
to understand.
We reap in a different season than we sow. While it may be true that a new kind of seed is now
being planted in early recovery, the harvest from this (or the benefits from developing a new way
of living) do not come this season. People in early recovery are still reaping an old harvest.
Emphasizing this point is essential. Otherwise the changes that are being enacted in early
recovery today, which are quite difficult, can feel meaningless and fruitless. The difficult
changes you are making today, make a difference
This is further understood by emphasizing another law of the harvest. We can’t do anything
about what was planted last season, but we can determine what will be planted this season. A
focus on each day’s success in recovery is of the utmost importance. Celebrating behaviors of
transparency, personal accountability, responsibility, and honesty (even when it isn’t pretty)
reminds the individual in early recovery that they are capable of positive change and this is
rewarding. Daily reminders that the individual in early recovery is not fundamentally damaged or
faulty are essential.
Finally, we reap more than we sow. This law can be easily evidenced. Just ask the person in
early recovery, “did you plan on becoming addicted when you took that first drink/drug?”
Typically he or she got much more than they bargained for. The same is true of recovery.
Committing to a changed way of life, even though it is difficult now and can often feel
underappreciated, will reap them a harvest that is greater than what they could expect. They will
get more than they put in, if they are patient and steadfast.
While early recovery may be difficult, it is often said that the days that are hard are much more
meaningful and have a much longer lasting impact than the days that are easy. The season of
early recovery is a difficult one. However, doing the hard work of facing life and changing ones
responses to difficulty will bear a harvest that is worth receiving.
Growing Roots and The Importance of Home

Groups
People new in addiction recovery don’t always embrace a Twelve Step program with open arms,
clearly evident in the following words from a newcomer sharing thoughts about attending her
first Twelve Step meeting that would later become her designated home group.
To say I hated it would be an understatement! I thought the whole twelve step movement was a
cult—that the people in that smoke-filled meeting room had their claws sharpened, ready to
snatch me into their secret religious society the second I let down my guard! I thought to myself,
“I’ll never come back here again.”
It was a few months and a relapse later when this woman found herself in yet another drug and
alcohol rehab center and, later, back in that very same meeting room. Her attitude still left
something to be desired, but now she was desperate enough to at least get herself to the meeting.
Slogans like “Take the body and the mind will follow” and “Your best thinking got you right
here” seemed clichéd and simpleminded to her; she had this to say about them:
I heard those slogans enough times that something finally began to sink into my hard-as-a-rock
head. And Lo and Behold! That smoke-filled room eventually became a cornerstone of my
recovery.
Most drug and alcohol rehab centers encourage their patients to go to Twelve Step meetings, find
a home group, and choose a sponsor to guide them through the steps. All of us working at St.
Louis Valley Hope believe strongly in the power of Twelve Step Recovery. We can’t help but
notice that our patients who participate in Twelve Step Programs have a much higher rate of
success staying clean and sober.
For those new to substance abuse treatment and recovery, it is in these rooms holding 12-Step
Recovery meetings that we can start to build trust in others and confidence in ourselves. In
seeing and listening to the same people sharing their stories, we begin to understand who some
of these people are—where they came from and how they got to the place where they are today–
and to marvel at their honesty, courage, and generosity of spirit. Inside these rooms is where we
begin to take baby steps and learn to walk our own journey in recovery. It is where we begin
sharing our own stories and building enough trust to let fall the masks we have been wearing in
our using lives. It is where we begin to discover who we really are and how we want to live our
own lives.
A home group will provide us with some much-needed accountability. Once we show up at a
meeting often enough, the regulars begin to notice the times we don’t show up. Some may not be
shy about asking us where we’ve been, either. Some of us may be bothered by their attention, but
many of us begin to feel like maybe these 12 Step regulars really care about us. Even the
irascible old-timer, gruffly telling a newcomer who has missed a meeting or two, “Thought
maybe you’d graduated,” sends a message–he has noticed our absence–he cares whether or not
we show up. We begin, slowly but surely, to feel a sense of belonging.
Seeing the old-timers show up regularly after ten, fifteen, even thirty or forty-plus years of being
clean and sober. . .well, it makes the slogan “Keep Coming Back” a reality as well as an
inspiration. Often the old-timers will sit in the same chair, meeting after meeting, and we will
begin to notice when one of these chairs is empty. We may miss the familiarity of just having
them there. We may miss their generosity and wisdom. Now and then, they won’t make it back.
Through a home group, we learn how fragile recovery is and how important it is to keep working
a recovery program. We watch our home groups go through the seasons of life—not only the
grief and the sorrow but also the joy and the celebration of living life on life’s terms.
As our days in recovery grow, so do we. We begin to feel a sense of responsibility to the group
—for attending regularly, for answering the call for service work (making coffee, serving as
birthday chairperson, becoming group treasurer or representative to a larger body). Our home
group is where we learn the basics of recovery—honesty, open-mindedness and willingness. It is
where we meet others who care enough to help us celebrate our recovery milestones. It is where
our recovery grows the roots we need to unfurl new leaves on our very own tree of life.
Eat Healthy For Your Recovery

Eat Healthy For Your Recovery

By Janet Worthy
Eat Healthy For Your Recovery:
Most people don’t eat right when they are in the midst of an active addiction. They don’t eat
regular meals and, when they do eat, their meals often include heavy doses of fast food, frozen
pizzas, unhealthy snacks, and soft drinks. Unfortunately, these eating practices may carry over to
recovery.
Maybe you’ve gotten into the habit of eating not-so-healthy foods—after all, they’re fast and
easy, while healthy foods often take more planning and preparation time. As a result of poor
nutrition, you may have entered substance abuse treatment with vitamin and mineral
deficiencies. You may find it all too easy to continue your unhealthy eating patterns during your
busy life in early recovery. If not addressed, this can continue to compromise your health and
complicate your recovery. It’s always a good idea to talk with your doctor about the changes
you’re making as a result of your recovery and the best ways to satisfy your nutritional needs.
You may have noticed people in recovery who load up on sugary treats in response to a new
“sweet tooth.” Once upon a time, it seemed you couldn’t go to a 12-Step meeting without seeing
a big bowl of candy located somewhere in the vicinity of the coffee pot. Those gooey
confections were there by design—brought by generous group members to share with others who
discovered they had developed a serious craving for sweets. More and more people these days
are questioning the use of sugar to satisfy cravings. Recent news reports reflect a view of sugar
as an addictive substance in its own right, and there are those who believe that ingesting too
much sugar may actually prolong cravings.
As in so many areas of life, moderation is important. Just as eating too much sugar and fat isn’t
good for your recovery, suddenly putting yourself on a strict and dramatically different diet
could be stressful, too. Instead of an all or nothing approach, you can begin to make changes
toward healthier eating by adding some healthy food choices each day. Maybe it’s okay to let
yourself have a fast food meal or a frozen pizza now and then–just don’t overdo it. Don’t forget
to check for fast food and grocery store choices that offer more nutrition with the same level of
convenience. Again, talk to your doctor about what is best for you.
Here are some basic tips for good nutrition to get you started on the right foot in your addiction
recovery:
Eat regular meals and drink plenty of water each day. This will help reduce your cravings by
guarding against low blood sugar and dehydration. Regular healthy meals can help restore your
brain chemistry and decrease your mood swings as well as your cravings.
Eat a variety of fresh vegetables and fruits in order to get the vitamins and minerals your body
needs.
Eat healthy fats like those from olive oil, nuts, seeds, or avocados. These healthy fats not only
taste great but also they help satisfy your appetite.
Eat protein—you need it to rebuild a healthy body and brain.
Eat fiber—if your addiction has caused digestive problems, whole grains and beans can help
speed a return to good digestion.
Avoid processed foods—these are often loaded with sugar, salt, trans fats and chemicals. Better
to buy the basics and cook them yourself — many people in recovery begin to enjoy cooking
good food for themselves and their families and friends.
Limit your caffeine intake. Too much caffeine can affect mood swings and irritate your digestive
system.
Talk to your doctor about taking a good quality multi-vitamin and mineral supplement. It’s best
to get your vitamins and minerals from foods, but a supplement may help you get back on track.
Watch your intake of sugary foods and drinks. Instead, reward yourself with a piece of good
quality dark chocolate—it can improve your mood and stimulate your taste buds. The higher the
cocoa (or cacao) content, the more health benefits (and the less sweet it tastes).
One of the most important steps a person can take in life is to enter a drug
rehabilitation oralcohol treatment center. Congratulations if you have embarked on this journey,
for you have taken the first step toward healthy living on so many levels–emotionally, spiritually,
socially, and physically. As you step further down the road to good health, eating a balanced,
healthy diet will help you look and feel better. If you feel better, you will be less likely to
relapse. Now, how great is it that?
Thoughts About Step One

Posted in Step 1 |
Saying I was powerless over crack cocaine addiction was pretty easy. Admitting my life had
become unmanageable was a little more difficult. While I was using, especially at the end, I
knew crack had me beat. I couldn’t control my use. It was truly progressive, and I did try to stay
away from it, but couldn’t. It occupied my every thought. My body needed it and I even liked the
lifestyle. I used a lot and it took me a long way down. I still had the belief that my life was still in
my control. I only used in Topeka but not when I was home in Kansas City. My life split into
two worlds. I seemed to believe that my life in Kansas City was manageable since I was clean.
But when I started going to using every night, and I couldn’t even give my son the attention he
deserved, I knew my worlds were fusing together in utter turmoil. I was letting my marriage of
18 years go and I didn’t care. That’s when I got honest with the people in my life at home and
realized I needed inpatient drug addiction treatment to leave crack alone. I needed to get my life
back together. Before I went to Valley Hope, I admitted to myself and others that my life was
totally unmanageable.
Actually, admitting these things, came as a great relief. My lying could stop, and my chaotic
lifestyle could end. I’d say Step 1 led me to the beginning of a new me. I’m truly grateful.
~Melanie L.
Hmmm… Step 1 …I could probably write a book on it. Glad you asked! Powerless – that’s the
key word. No power over addiction. Power equals control. The more powerful something or
someone is, the more it controls. I finally realized I had no control. It truly does take going to
your “bottom.” I’m sure there are plenty of psychological blatherings out there to explain it
however I’ve never been able to understand the psychological end of it. All I know: I lost control
of my life, my ability to attain my hopes and dreams. Heck, I couldn’t even hang onto what I
had. Someone once told me, if you walk past a dog on a chain 16 times and he bites you every
time, odds are, the 17th time will be no different. It’s true, I walked past the dog the 17th time,
and sure enough, he bit me again. Over the years, I’ve pet the dog, fed the dog, cursed the dog,
kicked the dog, but almost every time I came within the chain length of the dog, I got bit. The
17th time he drew blood and I knew if I didn’t get help, I was going to bleed to death. It’s when I
looked down and saw myself bleeding that I knew that every time I went within chain length of
that dog, I was powerless. That dog’s got a name and it’s “alcohol addiction.’ I tried to kill him
several times, but had no luck. I tried to shorten his chain but that didn’t help, I finally realized
that he was going to bite me ever time I got close to him, so, I quit going close to him. I’d like to
see him die of starvation, but he’s too powerful for that, so I’ve learned to live with him. I just
don’t feed him or go near him anymore. When I get the urge to go out and pet him, I’ve found
that going to an AA meeting is all that is required to stop that urge. I know I’ll always have to
live with that dog, but I’ve learned that all I have to do is stay out of biting range. He’s way too
powerful for me.
~Dennis M.
When I think about Step One, the first thought is “I am definitely weak when it came to ANY
mind altering drug.” The idea of weak wasn’t too easy to get. I thought I had everything under
control in my life and I was fooling all my friends and family. It wasn’t so! I was living with my
son, his wife and his girls at the time. He has four daughters all under the age of five. I got up to
get some medicine to help me sleep and drank it down with a couple of drinks. I had taken 32
sleep-aids and drank 4 beers. I got up to go to bed and fell right in front of the whole family. The
girls started to cry, telling me “Nana are you gonna die? Please get up Nana!” I realized I didn’t
want to die in front of them and that I needed to get help because I was weak in trying to help
myself. I ended up in drug addiction treatment at Valley Hope and I thank God everyday for
giving me my life back. I just have to add that; although I may be weak in controlling drugs, I
was strong enough to get treatment!
~Michele J.
My foremost thought when I think of “powerlessness” is my inability to stop drinking beyond

the first drink. Once I ingest the first drink, all caring thoughts or feelings for those I claim to
love the most are moved to the back row and the overwhelming power of my addiction takes
over and those people just don’t count anymore. The “unmanageability” in my life follows
shortly after that first drink as well. Once I am on my way to a spree I start strategizing the lies
and manipulation that will replace my responsibilities for the following day. While in the throws
of drinking the vicious cycle of “I just don’t care” affects every corner of my being and is a clear
sign of my powerlessness and unmanageability when presented with that first drink!
~Tom L.
I first had to accept Step One as it pertains to my addiction. Understanding the disease angle was
key. As I worked thru the steps, I realized how many other things in life I was powerless over
and I struggled with that notion. And then, as growth continued, it became okay to not be in
control of everything or to have it all figured out! A miracle called the promises.
~Bill J.
Spotlight on the 12 Steps, Parable for Steps

1-3
In olden times, there were three lepers who heard that the blind and the lame were being healed
so they could see and they could walk. The sick who asked for healing became well. One day,
three lepers heard that the Healer was coming near where they had to live away from the
community. The lepers said to each other, “Let us go near to the road and call out for healing.”
Surely the Healer will hear us.” As the Healer drew near, three lepers began calling out loudly
for healing. The Healer stopped as He heard them, and with compassion, granted them their
wishes by telling them they were healed. Then, he told them they must go to the rabbi in their
community to verify they were healed. The Healer then continued on his journey.
The three lepers stood looking at each other and asked what to do next. They had no evidence
they were healed. Their bodies were still scarred from the leprosy. They argued among
themselves about what to do. One did not want to go to the rabbi. The other was unsure whether
to go or not. The third said, “Let us go to the rabbi as we were instructed to do. What else can we
do except to go back to live in sickness and disease?” The three lepers started out on the dusty
road to the rabbi with hope they too might somehow be healed. They clung to the hope that what
the Healer said might come true. As the lepers walked toward town, they began to notice
something was happening as they walked. The hope that started them on this journey was
becoming physical evidence they were starting to heal. The lepers were beginning to see they
were healing as they continued their journey.
When the lepers arrived before the rabbi to show him they were clean of their scars and wounds,
the rabbi told them they were healed. They could return to the community and to their homes.
This parable applies directly to our recovery. In Step One, we are asked to become obedient to
what is required of us to do for our recovery. We surrender and accept the directions for healing.
In Step Two, we rely on hope that supports our quest to become healed and not look back to
what we were. Step Three is where we make the decision to do what the Healer tells us to do. As
we trust in the directions the Healer has given us, we find that we are becoming healed; that God
is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.
The Lord’s Prayer in a 12-Step Program
The Lord’s Prayer has been used for countless ages and has been a major part of the spiritual
growth for millions. It is a concise prayer packed with meaning and message. The following are
some thoughts on this simple prayer and the implications it may provide. Although the Lord’s
Prayer is based in Christianity, it can be used in 12-step programs, if one thinks of “God” and
“Our Father” as the higher power of one’s choice. I t is not meant to be theological but rather
devotional and spiritual. I hope it sparks some thoughts of your own as you ponder the message.
Our Father
In the beginning of this prayer we see the words “Our Father”. Immediately we see that God is
the Father of us all. No one has an exclusive right to God; He belongs to all of us and we to Him.
He is ours. We see that God is not particular and doesn’t have favorites. Our Father is one we
can all reach out to for help. Our Father tells me that we all belong to one family. As our Father
we are all related in this world as brothers and sisters. We belong to a unique family with, many
times, common problems. Our Father tells me that we are all included in that family, as far as He
is concerned. Our Father keeps me grounded. It tells me I have a beginning, an origin. I am not a
mistake or a chance happening. I am created and come from the Infinite One. I am not an after
thought but have a purpose. I am somebody to Him. I am His son or daughter, His child and
precious in His sight. My family tree starts with Him at the top. Because He is my Father I am
not a wandering vagabond through life but am part of something bigger than I am. What that is I
may not know right now but will know as I spend time with Him more and more. With that I
draw courage, value, hope and comfort.
Which art in heaven

Somebody once said that things look different from above. The perspective of God is from
heaven. This tells me He is over all. Looking down and observing all that happens. From heaven
God sends forth His blessings, His angels, and His love. From heaven He orders the universe and
keeps it in time. He orders the planets and their orbits. From heaven He orchestrates worlds into
existence. From heaven He can order my life as well. He can see from above the direction I need
to go and the path I need to take. From heaven He can send forth agencies to aide me in my
journey. From heaven He can safeguard me from harm and keep a watchful eye on me. From
heaven God rules in His majesty with clarity. Nothing escapes his gaze or notice. Nothing can
take Him by surprise. When I feel alone I can remember that from heaven God’s countenance is
always upon me. I am not alone for He is with me watching over me, giving me a sense of peace
and comfort. I remember once teaching my son to ride his bike for the first time. Every once in a
while he would look over and see if I was still running next to him and he would draw courage to
continue trying. I feel the same with God.
Hallowed be Thy name

Hallowed, holy, sanctified is the name of Our Father. It is a name above all names. It is a name
that surpasses all others. It is holy and reverenced. It is powerful enough to cast out demons, to
heal the sick, to redeem the life. It is a name to be respected since it is the name of the One who
created us. It is a name given among men whereby we can be saved. This name has brought
peace to all who call on it. To all who search for it and breaths it have found respite in the storms
of life. It is not a name to be trifled with but one that begs our respect and reverence. God’s name
is holy just as He is holy. Names in the bible often described the character of the one possessing
it. God’s name is holy just as His character is holy. He is the blameless one, the mighty one, the
prince of peace. He is who He is. To Moses He told him to tell the people that “I AM sent you”
Literally, “I will be who I will be”. He is holy yet approachable. He is sovereign over all.
Thy Kingdom come

His kingdom is from everlasting. His kingdom is not of this world but its principles are lived out
in our hearts when surrendered to Him. His kingdom came to this earth in the beginning but our
first parents forfeited it to the enemy. Yet His kingdom comes. It has been established and will
again be established. It is unstoppable, marching forward, determined, and will prevail. This
kingdom is His kingdom. It has principles that guide it; there is a law that governs it. It belongs
to Him. He sets the rules of this kingdom. It is far better than any kingdom we can come up with.
His kingdom is written in the hearts of all those who have turned to our Father. It is a kingdom
whose chief principle is love. Love is the foundation of this kingdom. With this love there is
acceptance, forgiveness, freedom from guilt. There is hope and deliverance in this love. Love
underlines every impulse of this kingdom, every action, every thought; every reason has love
behind it. It is the love that our Father himself has; pure, without a hitch, without demanding
something in return or a price for it. You can be a part of this kingdom if you want to; if you
choose to and ask to be a part of it. You can begin to live that same principle of love and enjoy
being an heir to this kingdom. It is like no other kingdom you have ever experienced because it is
Our Father’s kingdom.
Thy will be done, on earth

Our Father has a will. His will is that you and I might be a part of His world. His will is that you
and I live in a home where no one can come and take; to live in peace with Him and enjoy
eternity together. Our Father’s will is that you and I not be slaves to addictions or pain. His will
is that you and I live in harmony without having any troubles. Free from sickness, death and
misery. His will is that this world be made new for us. His will must be placed over our own
will. My will has made a mess of my life at times so it is time for my will to take a rear seat. I
have the choice today to follow God’s will for my life. His will is not listened to much in this
world anymore and we are all reaping the results of that. Today I can surrender my will to His
and begin to enjoy the fruits of His will.
As it is in heaven
God’s will is followed in heaven and heaven hums with complete joy and peace. In heaven, the
angels come to trust in God and His will. They have learned of His will and enjoy the life you
and I were intended to enjoy but have lost. In heaven there is harmony and love from following
the will of the Father. Today we have the opportunity to choose to follow the will of the Father
or not. Consider when you followed your own will and the results of that. A lot of times we end
up with egg on our faces but it need not be that way always. Let us learn the lesson of heaven
and begin to follow the will of the Father. The will Our Father has given us is the freedom to
choose. Our task is to surrender that will to Him and exchange it for His. So we can choose
correctly. In time, our will is totally replaced with His and we benefit.
Give us this day our daily bread

This request comes after we acknowledge Him as our provider. He promises to give us our daily
portion to sustain us for today. Just for today because the cares of this day are plenty for us to
handle and so He sustains us today. We ask because we know He can provide. We ask humbly
for our sustenance today not greedily for tomorrows as well because we only have today. We ask
today for His guidance, support and love. We ask for His protection, His presence, His Spirit.
We ask knowing He will hear from above and meet the needs of today for His children. We ask
by faith trusting in His promises to be true and wait for the results.
And forgive us our debts

We ask for His forgiveness, redemption and grace. We ask for forgiveness because the burdens
of carrying them around with us daily is a burden we cannot bear. We have tried that before and
it did not feel too good. We tried to forget the pain or guilt but it haunted us, plagued us, and
gave us misery. We tried other means but that nearly did us in. Today we ask for forgiveness so
the burden can be cast off. We ask knowing He who is faithful and just and will forgive us our
debts and cleanse us from all unrighteousness. He promised He would and His promises are sure.
We ask because we crave the peace. We ask so we can live free from the guilt. We ask not
because we are righteous enough for it but because Our Father wants us to know of His love and
forgiveness. He wants the best for us and craves to provide it to us.
As we forgive our debtors

Our challenge is to be as forgiving of others as Our Father is toward us. We cannot afford to live
with the resentment anymore. It is hurting us more than the person or thing we resent. It is the
poison we take hoping the other dies. We forgive because we have been forgiven. We forgive so
we can have peace. We cannot repay the forgiveness God has given us so we have no right to
demand that of others. We freely forgive so we can have the peace and live in love, in Our
Fathers kingdom of grace. This may take time for some of us but we pray for that kind of heart
with this prayer. We begin to ask for that heart of flesh, not one of stone. Before we know it we
begin to mean it and realize our hearts are changed.
And lead us not into temptation

It is not our Father’s will that His children are tempted to do wrong. Our Father wants us to live
without the temptations of the world and can help us to avoid the pitfalls that so easily beset us.
As we pray to Our Father we can ask Him to guide our steps so we avoid the temptations. As we
follow His principles for living we limit the temptations and are safeguarded from them. Our part
is to learn of those principles as we spend time with Him. As we meet a temptation He promises
to give us a way of escape so we can stand and not fall. He promises His Spirit to guide and lead
us. Those principles we might have thought as too restrictive all of a sudden become hedges of
protection around us. They keep the danger and temptations at bay and we are safe because of
them. Our Father also moves heaven and earth in powerful ways to intervene for us and as we
have those God moments we realize we are not alone and can win the battles of life. We think of
those moments in our past and draw strength that Our Father can do so again. Then the victory
will be ours because of His ability to secure our lives.
But deliver us from evil
Imagine a life that is free from evil. Sit and contemplate what that might look like. Our Father is
able to give us that kind of life. Our Father is able to deliver us from evil’s influence, evils
power, evils desires. Deliverance is possible through Our Father. Our Father can give us a heart
that has a disdain for evil. Imagine what that might look like for you. The things you once loved
you now hate and the things you wouldn’t give a second glance at are now your passion. Imagine
a heart that desires Our Father more than anything and shuns evil. It can happen to you as you
surrender to Our Father. Imagine the cravings gone, the bad associations over, and the chaos at
an end in your life. Our Father can deliver that to us. He can reform the life to what it is
supposed to be. He can deliver our character defects and replace them with virtues instead. He
can deliver that which is within us that evil is feeding off of and recreate in us a new heart, mind,
personality, and character.
For Thine is the kingdom and the power and the glory
We ask these things from Our Father because we believe He has the power to deliver. We
believe Him because He has already given us some victories in our life. We believe because He
is sovereign over all things. We ask because His rule is right, just and good. We ask believing He
has the power over all things in our lives and He has our best good at heart. His kingdom
endures, His kingdom has power, and His kingdom is glorious.
For ever and ever amen

Our Father’s kingdom is an everlasting kingdom. It will outlast all others. It is stable, solid,
dependable, and trustworthy. For ever we can rely on Our Father. Forever we can trust in His
mercies. Forever we can enjoy the life we are meant to have; but only as we surrender our lives
to Him. Today I can do that and enjoy the life He has for me. So can you.
Spotlight on the 12 Steps, Steps 1-3

I remember a disastrous trip to a friend’s country creek, where a hot summers swim sounded
pretty good. At 8 or 9 years old, my planning wasn’t the greatest. Somehow the couple of miles
out there stretched into what seemed like forever. And it was hot! I had a buddy along, so at least
we had a chance to commiserate, and finally we got there.
Kenny lived outside our town and the creek ran along the rear of his family’s property. After two
weeks of swimming lessons at the “big city” pool in the next town, I was confident I knew all
about swimming. So without any further delay, I jumped in. Kenny, a couple of his younger
brothers, and my walking buddy Wendell were already splashing around.
Oddly, in the muddy waters of that farm creek, I couldn’t see down to the creek bed, like I could
see through the clear waters of the swimming pool where I’d learned the jellyfish float and the
dog paddle. So when I kept on going under and couldn’t find my footing, I began to panic. Any
tiny bit of good sense and training I may have retained from my lessons quickly evaporated, and
I started the terrifying process of gulping water, thrashing around, and drowning.
That was powerlessness, and I’ll forever associate my powerlessness over my obsessions with
gambling, pornography, body image, and emotional affairs, with the sense of powerlessness of
drowning on that hot summer day in the creek.
So, was what happened next part of God’s intervention, or was it blind luck? Somehow, Kenny’s
little brother Carl (probably 2 or 3 years younger than me) found me and pulled me to shore.
I remember gasping on the matted grasses and weeds along the creek, safe in the now comforting
hot sun. I remember too the sense of certain images flashing through my mind as I began to
realize I was going to die.
I also remember having a growing awareness that a power greater than me (still a pretty hazy
idea for an 8 or 9 year old kid) had begun to restore me to life and to sanity. As a 55-year-old
fellow now, I find that “coming to believe” is a journey that didn’t end that day or any time
since. It continues.
The final stage of that fateful trip on a hot summer’s day involved a long walk home. I had
learned my lesson, right? Rather than walk the full two miles, we decided to cut across a freshly
plowed field. Wendell and I quickly realized this was no shortcut. Those furrows held many
harsh clods and our bare feet took a beating.
So where and how did the friendly guy come from honking his car’s horn to get our attention,
then driving two impulsive, hot, sweaty, tired boys into town?
These kinds of experiences help me understand, “Letting go and letting God.” When I take into
my own hands the decisions and actions in life, I often end up in similar jams, and some are and
have been life-threatening. God’s ways are much better.
Now I’m going to go soak my feet.

When asked to write this article, the first thing that came to mind was what could be said
aboutthese steps that would have a lasting impact on the reader? The more I thought, the less I
came up with because we all know these steps very well. What occurred to me was we might not
fully realize the importance of these steps.
These steps are the very foundation of all of our step work as long as we want to remain clean
and sober. Have we hurried and built our house of addiction recovery on the sand? Have we put
in the time and energy to build a strong foundation that will last?
If our first three steps look like these above, they will surely collapse because there is nothing to
support Steps Two and Three. These steps MUST grow with us as we grow in the program.
Notice how the Step One has grown, and, as we continue to grow, Steps Two and Three must
keep up and grow also. Our sobriety foundation is Step One and our spiritual foundations are
Steps Two and Three.
Step Twelve indicates that we have grown a little spiritually, so we never return to the position
we were in during our original first step. As we begin another set of steps we start on a higher
spiritual plain. When we reach the Twelfth Step the second time our Steps One, Two, Three
foundation must support all of the steps we have taken.
Are my first three steps strong enough to hold up my addiction recovery or am I standing on
steps with no support? What kind of steps are you standing on?
Join me in looking at the condition of our steps and, if necessary, our steps should be shored up
so that we can enjoy another day of sobriety.
Spotlight on the 12 Steps, 1-3 IV

The first Three Steps of the 12 Step program are the spiritual foundation for drug addiction
treatment. They are based on the three spiritual principles found on page 60 of the (Big Book of
A. A.) Essentially they are understood: I can’t, God can, I’ll let Him. The First Step states: “We
admitted we were powerless over alcohol and that our lives had become unmanageable.”
Most readers of the Coffee Cup are aware that Bill W. was one of the co-founders of (Alcoholics
Anonymous.) Most of us know that he had a spiritual awakening and that he described this
awakening as a “great white light experience”. We may also be aware that after his spiritual
awakening he was given a copy of The Varieties of Religious Experience by William James. In
his reading of this book Bill discovered there are a great variety of spiritual experiences. He also
found that there is one element which is common to all of them. That element is pain. All of the
people whom William James studied experienced significant pain prior to their experience of a
spiritual awakening. This would suggest that those who take Step 1, those who accept their drug
addiction and surrender to their powerlessness over their addiction have suffered pain as a
consequence of it.
Some would look at the pain and say that it is unfair or that it is a bad thing. Many of you know
that I am a cancer survivor. It is unlikely that I would have survived the cancer if it were not for
the 12 Step program and the members of 12 Step programs who supported me in my treatment
journey. Early I learned that if I was to survive I must “take the value out”. That meant that I did
not have the privilege of seeing cancer as “bad”. For me, cancer was neither good nor bad. It
simply was. One of the ways in which we make it more difficult to admit that we are powerless
is by seeing drug addiction or alcoholism as a “bad thing”. If we are able to simply see drug
addiction and alcoholism as a disease that is neither good nor bad, if we can see that we are not
cheated but that addiction and alcoholism are simply part of life, then the acceptance part of Step
1 is easier.
The Second Step states: “We came to believe that a Power Greater than ourselves could restore
us to sanity.” Bill W. understood that many who would work these Steps would have difficulty
with a traditional understanding of God. The “God of religion” simply would not work for many
alcoholics. He therefore borrowed another idea from William James and wrote about “God as we
understood Him.” Still there are people in the program who will question how we know that God
exists. The answer to that question is that we do not know. What we do know is that the
treatment Steps work. The 12 Step program works best for most. That is what we know and that
is all we need to know. In meetings we hear “It works if you work it.” The only reason for
working the treatment program is that it works. The only reason for believing in God is because
it works.
The Third Step states: “We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God
as we understood Him.” For many of us the understanding of God that we received in church or
as children in our families simply does not work. There is a real freedom in being able to use an
understanding of God which works for us. Again we turn to William James. He taught us that we
have a right to believe in God in a way that works for us.
This Step calls us to surrender to a Higher Power. This means that we have a willingness to
submit to the authority of God as we understand Him. Again we are confronted with our need to
be in control. When we attempt to give up control, we confront a very basic force within us, a
need to be in control. The inner spiritual struggle for control is, it would appear, the most
fundamental struggle of drug addiction treatment. The capacity to let go of control, to surrender,
is the most basic and most difficult issue of recovery. It seems those who are able to surrender
are generally those who recover and those who do not surrender are those who do not recover.
Spotlight on the 12 Steps, 1-3 V

I was asked to write this article for the Spring edition of the Coffee Cup. What a perfect issue!
Spring is a time of rebirth, new and exciting things! Step 1 is a time for a new and exciting life to
begin, just like the green grass, leaves, shrubs and bushes. Crops in the fields are being planted
so they can spring up with life.
In order for us to grow in sobriety after alcohol rehab, we first must make a very important
admission, “We were powerless over alcohol, and that our lives had become unmanageable.” It
does not seem proper to use the phrase, “we must surrender to win!” Well, here we are at a
turning point of our lives; complete defeat must be admitted in order for us to grow. In Step One,
we are at the critical stage of needing rebuilt. By admitting defeat and that our lives had become
unmanageable, then and only then, can we start the rebuilding process.
Once we have admitted we are powerless over alcohol or our addiction, we need to find a way
out! Many of us struggled with finding a Higher Power, or even grasping the concept of one.
“Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.” Step 2 is time to
find the help we need to keep us from doing the same things over and over again, expecting a
different result. (True insanity if I have ever seen it.)
Here is a question which may not seem relevant to Step 2. How many of you are familiar with
the river and what to do if you get caught in a good stiff river current? YES, you don’t fight it,
you go with the flow. Well, I suggest you use this same suggestion when it comes to finding your
Higher Power. Don’t fight it, go with the flow. You will not become exhausted and will be able
to accept the help when it comes. A new Alcoholics Anonymous member asked his sponsor how
he could grasp the fact that there is a Power greater than himself. The old timer told him, “Here
are cash and credit cards. Go and get all the materials and help you need and come back and
build me a tree.” Of course, the newcomer looked at the old timer and said, “I can’t build a tree!”
There is proof enough for me that something out there is greater than us.
Now we need to have faith that our newly found Higher Power can indeed help us in our
restoration project. “Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we
understood Him.” Did you ever notice that the last part of Step 3 is in past tense? Understood
Him, when? Back in Step 2! Alcoholics Anonymous is not here to tell the newcomer they must
believe in any certain denomination of a Higher Power, we only need to believe that one is there
to help us. It has been said that the strongest part of our being is our will. Self-will run riot is a
common phrase during alcohol rehab. Well, if we turn the strongest part of our being over to a
Power greater than ourselves, we have an unbeatable team! This program of recovery is very
simple. First we stop drinking or using drugs, second we don’t start again. Nothing to it right?
All we have to do is change our whole life! By turning our will and our life over to a Power
greater than ourselves this process becomes a great deal simpler.
Steps 1, 2 and 3. “I can’t, He can, so I’ll let Him.” Have a great day and remember, “Don’t never
ever, ever never give up!”

I am a full time parish pastor in McCook, Nebraska and a part time Chaplain at Valley Hope in
Norton, Kansas and I live in a another town altogether (Oberlin, KS). Needless to say I am on the
road a lot. I have much windshield time. When I have patients assigned to me, I have been
known to drive to Norton and see my patients, drive up to McCook for drug addiction treatment
meetings and visits and then back home all in one long day–and 130 miles later.
In my 17-years of ministry, I’ve come to appreciate and have enjoyed the use of illustrations to
communicate in sermons, as well as working with patients on their step work. Driving on the
road a lot it is inevitable that “stuff happens” on the windshield. The more miles driven, or the
longer one is on the road of life, the more “stuff happens” on your windshield. Now, the more
bugs and bird stuff that splatter on the windshield I equate with the stuff that happens in life that
brings about regret, shame and guilt. Fortunately, most cars are equipped with fluid that can be
easily accessed by the flip of a switch and the wiper blades can wipe clean your windshield as
you motor on. Imagine if you never utilized that fluid and wiper blade and the “stuff ” splattered
on your windshield began to accumulate until it became difficult to see straight at all! If we
played out this illustration, we would understand eventually we would have to do something
about the “stuff ” on the windshield or we would put ourselves in a serious risk of wrecking our
“road of life” vehicle.
When patients come to Valley Hope they have been through rough times. Their powerlessness
and unmanageable lives have brought them to the bottom. Reaching out for help, they seek drug
addiction treatment and come to Valley Hope. They learn in the first three steps they are
powerless, they cannot, but God can, and begin to allow God to lead them in a new journey in
life called recovery. The next step, Step 4, is the beginning of a series of steps that fit together in
the spiritual program. Steps 4-7 have everything to do with a spiritual remedy for regrets, guilt,
and shame, the “stuff ” that wants to rob us of clear sight on the road of life. The spiritual remedy
is FORGIVENESS. There is freedom in receiving the forgiveness we need for those relapse
triggers, regret, guilt and shame that want to hold us back and keep us in the life of drug
addiction.
It is good to know this switch is available to flip on the fluid and wiper blade for the road of life
in recovery. Making “searching and fearless moral inventory of our lives” (Step 4) prepares us to
turn over those obstacles that would hold us back from freedom of a quality life, a clean
windshield on the road of life. It is important to remember while sharing this inventory (Step 5),
the information is held in strict confidence. Sharing this with someone trained in understanding
the significance of forgiveness, a chaplain or pastor, is important and preferable. Often times
when “we admit to God, ourselves, and another human being the exact nature of our wrongs” a
great sense of relief washes over us. When we remove the “stuff ” from our windshields, where
we are going in life can become clearer.
For those who find it difficult to forgive themselves, Steps Six and Seven are for you. I believe
God is a perfect loving parent, who gives you life and loves you and hopes you will love in
return. You have freedom of choice. God will not force you to love. In Step Six we see your
freedom of choice is honored. You can hold on to your guilt if you want to, of course who would
want to know what freedom and relief come from letting go of guilt, yet sometimes we kick
ourselves needlessly. In Step Six the spiritual challenge is for you to get yourself “entirely ready”
so God can remove the guilt. God will remove it if you ask (Step Seven). The wonderful
blessings are deep for all who work these steps. Forgiveness can be a choice that is selected, if
we set in motion the wiper blades, dig deep and write out our inventories and share and give it all
away. Freedom from guilt and shame are possible when we are truly working these steps. You
will get as much out of these steps as you put into them. God bless you in this endeavor.
Spotlight on the 12 Steps, 4-7

After taking Steps 1-2-3, we realize that we need to rebuild our relationship with self, God and
others. We do this by working on Steps 4, 5, 6 and 7. These are the Steps that renew our self-
respect and help us become respectable.
In preparing Step 4, we examine ourselves to see what we have, what we haven’t got and what
needs to go. The Big Book says that a business that doesn’t take a regular inventory usually goes
broke. One of the main things we need to do is get rid of the horrible guilt and remorse from
drinking or using drugs. Step 4 is looking at the true source of our problems. Remember that
88% of our problems are behavior and 12% is the chemical. This Step should be a fact-finding
and fact facing process. We need a clear picture of our attitudes and actions. We will discover
that selfishness or self-centeredness is the root of all our problems; that false pride leads to self-
justification which is spurred on by conscious or unconscious fear which lead to more defects!
Some call it a “soul sickness” and we learn that we aren’t bad, but we are sick! So, it is important
not to condemn ourselves for what we discover about ourselves. Bill W. the founder
of AAsummed up the character defects of the alcoholic or addict as “immature” and
“dependent.” The remedy is to grow up emotionally and to build one up emotionally. I like to
start a Step 4 with the worst things and that includes the wrongs that cause us regret, shame or
guilt. The Big Book reminds us to examine our resentments, fears and sexual conduct. Most Step
4 guides include about 19 character defects that cover the Seven Capital Sins and the Ten
Commandments. It is important to conclude our Step 4 inventory by affirming oneself and
claiming our personal strengths. I like our guide that enables persons to talk about their Faith,
Hope and Love as well as the virtues or good habits they are developing since working the rehab
program. It ends by sharing the three best things they have ever done.
Now we are ready for Step 5 which says, “Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human
being the exact nature of our wrongs.” It is a good way to deflate our egos and to learn humility.
When a person completes Step 5, I usually ask them, “So what did you learn about yourself?”
Most people realize that by the grace of God, they are good! The next question I ask them is,
“Where are you with forgiveness; knowing you are forgiven, accepting that forgiveness, or is
there anything you have a hard time letting go of?” Once again, if the person has been working
their rehab program, they are ready to answer this question. It is a very graced moment when
they pray the prayer of self-forgiveness and end up by thanking God in their own words. Even
the agnostic or atheist experiences the presence of God, whether they claim it or not! I find that
when I take a nightlyStep 10 inventory, I gain self-knowledge and realize that taking an
inventory is a life long process, not something that you do once in treatment. Perhaps six months
after treatment, you will want to do another Step 5. Contact a sponsor, a chaplain or clergy
person who is familiar with the program and you will be taking another step in your journey of
life to wholeness or recovery.
Step 6 and 7 are often called the “Forgotten Steps.” Step 6 says, “We,re entirely ready to have
God remove all these defects of character.” I remind them that the 12 by 12 Book says that this is
the Step that separates the men from the boys or the women from the girls. We symbolize this by
burning our Step 4 inventory and show in a visible way that God has forgiven us and that we are
free. Following the advice of the Big Book that says after Step 5, we are to be quiet for about an
hour, we carefully review what we have done. During this time, we choose several defects that
we would like to work on in our daily Step 10 inventory and put them in the “God box.” This is
completing for us what Step 7 says, “Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.” I remind
people the more they talk about their defects and spend time in meditation, the more they will
change. We ask people to write a letter of gratitude to God, thanking Him for the power to
choose and to include a Vision Goal for a year from now. Most people choose to read their
letters daily as a reminder of what they gained in treatment at the rehab center.
So it takes time, it takes prayer; it takes effort to remind ourselves that we are on a life-long
process of growth. There are no magic wands to wave over us. We have to take responsibility
and ask for help in loving and accepting ourselves just as we are. God does!
Spotlight on the 12 Steps, Forgiveness

“ Forgiveness is the gift we give ourselves.”
Step Ten continues the recognition that human beings make mistakes. We get clean and sober,
not infallible. A wise man, who later became my sponsor, once said to me, “There is a God, but
not you;” possibly the most profound theological statement I have ever heard. This insight I’ve
remembered for twenty-nine years.
“Progress not perfection.” Human beings will invariably rub each other the wrong way. There is
a point I’d like to make at this juncture. In the profession of counseling, we may work with
people who have suffered horrible trespasses: abuse as a child, violence or spouse battering. We
need remember to be gentle with each other. This sacred trust I learned from my Valley Hope
Drug Rehab Center mentor as a new hire. I well remember this critical lesson from Chaplain
Mary Fran. We do sacred work and forgiveness is a key and ever present part of recovery. In my
monthly lecture, I break forgiveness down to three general areas: forgiveness from others,
forgiveness of others, and sometimes the most difficult, forgiveness of self.
Steps Four and Five provide for an in-depth study into forgiveness. We may feel somewhat
overwhelmed with guilt, shame or even hopelessness. We seek forgiveness from others, we seek
forgiveness from our God, we seek to break the destructive bonds. Ten provides for a more short
term inventory, more frequently, possibly daily. The key is to keep our side of the street clean to
the best of our human ability, keeping in mind we are indeed human. Oh, how this humility stuff
can be humbling.
When I present the “Forgiveness” lecture, I write my opening quote on the board: “Forgiveness
is the gift we give to ourselves.” The crowd is asked to remember this one statement, even if they
remember nothing else before they zone out or nod off. They are asked to immediately commit
to paper the quote. The application is obvious in the area of self forgiveness. And as far as
forgiveness from others, there is little we can do today to affect the thoughts, words or actions of
others except do our part, stay clean and sober today. Make the amends at the appropriate time
and attempt to leave the worrying to God. Granted, easier said than done.
Understanding just how the quote applies to forgiving others can be challenging to many.
Forgiving others can be the beginning of serenity, a blessed gift we do for ourselves. In many
cases we forgive others not for their sake, but for ours. We make the decision, we choose to not
have the event destroy our lives any further. We make the decision to begin disarming our
disease; removing one of the emotional clubs our addiction or alcoholism uses against us. During
all this, we keep in mind we drink or use because we are alcoholics and addicts. Period. No
excuses. But we recognize that the cunning, baffling and powerful demon in our head uses
resentment along with guilt/shame and worry to keep us in emotional turmoil. We remember all
too well our old way of dealing with emotional pains: medicate.
Another key point to forgiving others is that the wrongdoer need never know we have forgiven
them. Remember, this is a gift given to ourselves, from ourselves. Forgiving is not making their
amends for them. They need to make their own amends. At that time, some expression of
forgiveness by us may be appropriate. We need not seek out an assailant in prison to offer a
personal forgiveness such as done by a late pope.
Boy, this forgiveness stuff is tough and can be complicated at times. But forgiveness is very
necessary for recovery. I find that in some particularly traumatic cases, this is an ongoing subject
throughout the course of drug rehab. And maybe by discharge time, the patient will begin
internalizing the importance as well as the principles briefly discussed above. Forgiveness is a
journey of healing, sometimes slow, but steady; occasionally a lifelong journey is required. All
will get better however if each day we stay clean and sober while admitting our own
shortcomings.
“Better to light a single candle than to curse the darkness.” Chinese Proverb

Whew! I survived. I survived the monumental Fourth and Fifth Step of drug rehabilitation that as

a newcomer I was terrified of. After completing Step 5, my sponsor and I looked at Step Six. She
said, “Are you now willing to have all of your defects of character removed?” My response was,
“If I do that, I might not have a character left?” Her response was, “Good! Then you can start
over fresh and let God define your character.”
Looking at the character defect list I balked: profanity, lying, stealing, manipulating, ego,
blaming, perfectionism, etc. etc. These were all of my survival skills. They were finely tuned.
They were my means of getting everything and anything that I wanted. My sponsor assured me
that my Higher Power would provide all of the things I needed.
The willingness came easy as I had just completed Steps 4 and 5 from drug rehabilitation and all
of the defects of character were all of the parts of my behavior that caused me and those I loved
pain. My sponsor kneeled with me beside the couch, opened her Big Book and we recited the
Seventh Step prayer together. I expected some bright light to be shined upon me and “POOF!” I
would have a defective character no longer. That is totally not what happened.
My sponsor went through the list of my less endearing qualities and she showed me that on the
opposite side of every character defect is a spiritual principle. She told me I needed to practice
the spiritual principles every day. So when I lied to someone I had to say, “Hey, I just lied to
you. Here is the truth.”
Practicing the spiritual principles and talking honestly with my sponsor is what changed my
character. On this new spiritual path from drug rehabilitation, I came up against the Eighth Step.
My list was SO LONG! I immediately felt defeated and overwhelmed. I wanted to give up. My
sponsor encouraged me and taught me how to keep things SIMPLE.
We broke my Eighth Step list into three parts. Part 1: People I was willing to make amends to
now. Part 2: People I might be willing to make amends to later. Part 3: People I was never
willing to make amends to. She told me to begin to pray for the wiliness to make amends to the
people on parts 2 and 3.
Before I went about making ANY amends, my sponsor and I went over each person on the list
and how I would go about making my amends.
She told me the purpose of making amends was to “set things straight or to make right.” She told
me that the words, “I’m sorry” should never leave my lips. Instead she told me to say, “I have
wronged you and I need to know what to do to make this right.” Then I had to listen…and do
it!!!
By the time I was done making the amends to the people in Part 1 of my list, I was willing to do
the amends to the people on Part 2. With every amend I made, I experienced freedom from
shame and guilt. As people forgave me, every step from drug rehabilitation I became more and
more willing to forgive others. I was completely willing to make amends to the people on Part 3.
Drug rehabilitation is a process and I love the process. Steps Six and Nine provide me with a
way to prevent problems and fix things when I make mistakes. Am I perfect now? Did the light
shine down on me? Not hardly. I am free though and the more I work the steps the more of
God’s light I see.
Spotlight on the 12 Steps, Steps 7-9 I

After having reflected on Steps 7-8-9, I have come to the conclusion my defect of perfectionism
and writing a good article has hindered me from trusting that God’s Spirit will help me
accomplish this task. Even though I have “humbly asked God to remove my shortcoming of
perfectionism,” I still struggle with trusting that God is helping me right now to give you some
information that will be helpful. Since Steps 6 and 7 are often called the “forgotten steps,” I will
focus on them.
The first two words say “Humbly asked.” Some folks think because they have not been perfect
and hurt others and themselves, they don’t deserve forgiveness or help. It takes humility to admit
we all fail, but by the “grace of God” we are made in His image and have good qualities. We
need to remember God loves us just the way we are and is waiting for us to ask for help. God
works through others and needs each one of us to help others like ourselves. We don’t have to
contort ourselves to make ourselves change. We don’t have to force change. We don’t have to do
anything except be willing to ask our Higher Power for help. My job is to “keep it simple” and
ask for help. No matter if your H.P. is God, your sponsor, or the A.A., N.A., or Al-Anon group!
I like what the Little Red Book says about Steps 6 and 7. “We are to become honest and humble;
to willingly seek God’s help without reservation; to perfect ourselves in the practice of unselfish
prayer; to be aware of our defective character traits and to desire their removal; to believe that
God can remove them and to ask Him to take them all away!”
We work these Steps after we have faced reality in Steps 4 and 5. Need I remind you the Big
Book says selfishness is the root of all our problems? And as you reflect from your 24 Hour
Book daily, we are reminded almost monthly we have been dishonest, impure, selfish and
unloving. Being human, we’ll probably continue to be that way and so we are grateful for Step 7.
While in alcohol rehab in O’Neill, we have people write a Step 7 letter to God, thanking Him for
their blessings and include a Vision Goal for a year from now. This Vision Goal is hopefully
inspired by the Holy Spirit and fulfills our desire to be freed from our shortcomings. By taking a
daily inventory and letting go of the failures for the day, we are trusting God will do for us what
we cannot do for ourselves. Sooner or later, we become transformed by God’s grace… by the
way, do any of you read over your Step 7 letter to God sometimes?
Steps 8 and 9 are another two Steps that take humility, but do not start with the word “Humbly.”
It is not a difficult thing to list the people who suffered because of our failures. Our real problem
is to arrive at a state of mind that concedes the damage we have done and embrace a sincere
willingness to amend it. Step 8 is not meant to punish us; it is meant to set us free from guilt,
anxiety and discord. My Al-anon book, “Courage to Change,” suggested we might divide our list
into three categories: those to whom I am “willing” to make amends; those to whom I “might”
make amends and those I “absolutely would not” make amends; But, as we pray for those whom
we have hurt, or hurt us, the grace of God may enable us to start making amends to those on our
“maybe” list and in time even some of the “absolutely not” people may appear on the “maybe”
list. We need to be reminded Steps 8 and 9 can’t be done over night, but on the other hand, we
don’t want to procrastinate on it either.
Step 9 is “Made direct amends to such people whenever possible, except when to do so would
injure them or others.” Doing this is often difficult and it hurts our pride (so the need for humility
again) but the rewards are great. It takes courage to do this. So once again ask your Higher
Power to give you the grace to take the plunge. Talk to your sponsor about any anxiety that
hinders you. And then praise and thank your Higher Power for the freedom that you enjoy. There
will be joy, happiness and a new sense of peace when you humbly take the action! Blessings as
you continue on your journey of growth and remember you are just where you need to be on
your journey of life, if you did your best for today!
Spotlight on the 12 Steps, Steps 7-9 II

We put such emphasis here at Valley Hope on covering Steps 1 through 3 thoroughly, and then
building up to doing Steps 4 and 5 as fully and deeply as possible. Sometimes I think we do
neglect the later steps. When I’m teaching about the steps to patients and families, I talk about
the middle 6 steps as ‘the working steps’. I describe them in pairs, where the even numbered step
is the thinking step and the odd numbered one is the action step. So the pattern is: think, do;
think, do; think, do. Step 7 then, is the ‘do’ step to Step 6. In 6 we become willing, and in 7 we
finally, humbly ask God to remove our defects of character. We’ve outlined those in Step 4,
confessed them in Step 5, discussed their ongoing anticipated effect on our treatment in Step 6
and then, in Step 7, we finally get around to letting God do what only God can do –remove them.
Only God knows which ones need removing (or are removable) and which ones we will need to
keep working on. We’re still human–we don’t get issued halos and wings at this point in
sobriety. That’s part of the humility of Step 7–we don’t get to get rid of all our defects. Some
will linger, to keep us humble, and because, I’m convinced, underneath every defect of character
there is some kind of blessing. Think about it: the flip side of selfishness is learning good
boundaries of self care; underneath the defect of blaming others is the asset of accepting personal
responsibility; underneath the defect of resentment is recognition of both our own limitations and
those of others, giving us permission to be human. If we lose our defects, we never find our
assets, so there will always be defects God refuses to take away.
To my way of thinking, it is recognition of our continued defects, and the search for assets, that
begins our Step 8 work. Eight is another ‘think’ step, requiring us to look back and then look
forward, to what we’ve done and what we need to do to ‘undo’ the consequences of our actions,
or in other words, clean up our messes. But because we’ve still got those defects of character, we
need to be aware of them so we don’t go create more messes. So on Step 8, I tell substance abuse
patients to start with amends to themselves by looking at those shortcomings from Step 7. What
do they need to be surrendering to God daily? How will this awareness help them work
theirtreatment program? Is this an issue they need to be covering with their sponsor, or with a
professional counselor? Next they need to consider amends to their Higher Power. What are they
going to do for their spiritual aftercare? Continue or repeat their steps with a sponsor? Use a
daily devotional like “24 Hours a Day” or “Daily Reflections?” Commit to attend an Step 11
meeting each week to work on their spirituality? Or find a church/temple/synagogue that helps
them grow in their chosen faith? Only after all that do they need to begin to consider who else
they owe amends to, why and what they want to do as an amend, for Step 9.
I freely admit, amends are either the easiest thing to do, popping off my tongue quickly, or the
hardest thing to do, squeezing out between clenched teeth of resistance. I’m human, with my
own flaws (Come on, you know that, and it’s not just me, just think about your chaplain or the
ones you work with in substance abuse treatment–we know ourselves as evidence of “progress
NOT perfection”). I don’t like admitting my own mistakes. I can handle the small things easily,
especially if I’ve offended someone accidentally and they let me know about it right away. That
kind of apology/ amend is easy. But the bigger amends are much more than an apology. I was
taught what makes an amend different than an apology is, an apology is words with a change in
action promised, whereas an amend is changed action followed by words of report. In a good
amend, I’ve already got something to show that I’m different. At the very least, I’m (hopefully)
now working a substance abuse treatment program of recovery, I have gone to treatment, I am
going to meetings, have or am working steps, and most important, I have admitted my
powerlessness and the need for help (whether that’s from AA, NA or Al-Anon, and always from
God). If I’m not in active, sober/sane recovery, I can’t do an amend. I have to stop, go back to
Step 1 and get that solid, then come back around to Steps 8 and 9. And most important in all this,
I don’t want to have to face people until I’ve regained my own self respect by doing Steps 4 and
5, and gotten the full, unrestricted help of my Higher Power thru Steps 6 and 7. I need back-up,
and I want the best before I face the hurt, anger, and hardest of all, the love and forgiveness, of
others. But with that back-up, I can face anything, and anyone. And with a life-slate now as clean
as it can be, I’m finally ready to get busy with my maintenance Steps 10 and 12.
Spotlight on the 12 Steps, 8-9

Following Steps 4-7, a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves continues as we look
at “Amends.” One must realize by this time in their drug rehab process, which they are fully
engaged in taking responsibility for the wreckage they have brought upon themselves and others
through the actions and by their choices they chose to take. It is now time for them to take full
responsibility by making yet another “list” of those they had harmed and become willing to make
direct amends if possible to them. With one exception to the rule which is if it would do more
harm then good to themselves or others. Remember recovery is not for making excuses for one’s
behavior, just the opposite. In his book, Walk through the Valley, Doc Leopold states “People
really do need people.” People can and do recover and return to a solid base to live out their
life’s journey.
Let us glance back in our own minds and “clean house,” “sweep our own side of the street.”
Take our burdens, issues to the altar, then according to a simple truth go make things right. Once
we have our relationship right with the God of our understanding, then it is required of us to get
right with others. Remembering, we are not asking them to get right with us for any wrongs we
feel they have done against us; on the contrary, we are the ones making amends for the wrongs
we did to them.
The 12 Promises start off by stating “If we are painstaking about the phrase of our development,
we will be amazed before we are half way through.” Think about this statement “we look back to
move forward.” We each understand that taking the latter Steps 1-7 has in fact set us up to
continue to succeed in our recovery to self, spirituality and others. People really do need people.
Taking responsibility for our own actions keeps us honest and focused on our own drug
rehabilitation, not others. “I can choose to change, I can choose to influence, I can’t change you.”
The Big Book list Steps 8-9 in Chapter 6, “Into Action.” Here are simple principles to keep
recovery working and not fall back into resentments or regrets. Step 8 is asking, not requiring,
for us to take a responsible inventory of those we had harmed while acting out of our self-
centerdness. Step 9 is asking, not requiring, for us to put others first so as to continue in the right
recovery relationship. Making amends the Big Book states “a sincere desire to set right the
wrong.”
So how is any of this possible? I have confessed to myself, God and another human being the
exact nature of my wrong. I’m feeling good within self and now I’m given the task to “set things
right?” Here would be a good place to say the Serenity Prayer: “God, grant me the serenity to
accept the things I can not change, The courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to
know the difference.” If we truly want to be happy, joyous and free, we will do the next right
thing. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word
serenity and we will know peace. To make the list fresh in our recovery will grow cold, unless
followed through immediately and as quickly as possible. Sometimes amends can’t be made face
to face. Letters, phone calls or if that person is deceased, we might write them a letter and tie it to
a balloon and send it to the heavens. One might be able to set right the wrong by talking to
another family member or others involved with those we need to make amends to. Whatever the
method, we must do it for sobriety sake!
Not all amends are relationship related. Making amends is not the time for you to get “even” by
placing blame on others behaviors. This is about you and you alone for your rehabilitation to
succeed. Setting the wrongs right might be difficult, however seek advice from your sponsor,
clergy or others. You will know what the next right thing is to do, just do it with a sincere heart
so you too can “sleep on a windy night” once again.

In the early days of my sobriety I didn’t think very well. There was no way I could handle 12 of
anything, let alone the 12 Steps of Recovery, so my sponsor broke them down into what he
called, “bite-sized bits.” Steps 1-3, he said, are the “attitude steps.” Here is where I change my
mind about myself and my place in the universe – where I quit being my own Higher Power.
Steps 4-9, he said, are the “action steps.” Here is where what I think begins to make a difference
in what I do–where I begin to live differently than I did when I was caught in the sewer of my
disease.Steps 10-12, he said, are the “continuing action steps.” This is where recovery becomes a
way of life. That being said, the focus of this article is on the “continuing action” that Steps 10,
11 and 12 call us to; and how these steps can literally change the course of our history. Let’s
examine them individually and see what they mean to us as recovering people:
Step 10: We continued to take personal inventory, and, when we were wrong, promptly
admitted it.
I absolutely hated this step when I first encountered it. You see, when I was drinking and
drugging, I was never wrong–at least that I’d admit! And now here I was confronted with the
daunting task of continuing to work Step 4 (a step, by the way, that I had spent the first 40 years
of my life desperately trying NOT to do) and Step 5! What I learned from my sponsor, however,
is that when taking and sharing a personal inventory becomes a regular, (and, for me early in
recovery, a daily) exercise, it becomes manageable, and, after a while, even enjoyable; because I
get to practice the rigorous honesty my program requires. Now, I want to editorialize here just a
bit. Although I think it’s important for me to consider my “wrongs” on a daily basis, and to admit
them; I also think Step 10 is about a daily consideration of my “rights.” You see, recovery isn’t
just about discovering our mistakes and trying to correct them; it’s about discovering what we’ve
done well and celebrating it. If all I get to do in Step 10 is focus on the negative, I might just start
drinking or drugging again; but when I understand Step 10 as an opportunity to celebrate the
good in my life and character, that gives me impetus to “keep on keeping on” in recovery.
Step 11: We sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God
as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry
that out.
“Conscious contact” is one of those things most of us don’t do very well. It’s as if, at the
conclusion of a wedding, the pastor says, “I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may
ignore the bride.” I hope you all know that a marriage doesn’t end when the wedding concludes–
it begins; and the rest of the time we spend in that marriage, we spend it trying to improve our
conscious contact with our mate! I can’t tell you the number of young couples I’ve counseled as
a pastor where usually, but not always, the wife will say, “My spouse just doesn’t appreciate me!
We never talk anymore!” Conscious contact is a matter of utmost importance, and it centers on
the issue of communication–of talking and listening in a way that allows us to share and to learn.
As it is in marriage, so it is in recovery. If we don’t work this step on a regular basis, our
relationship with God begins to deteriorate, and the danger of relapse multiplies. So, how do we
communicate with God? We talk and we listen. We pray and we meditate.
Prayer is what happens when I talk with the understanding that God is listening to me (think
about THAT for a minute!) If you don’t think you know how to pray, there are a lot of prayers in
the Big Book you can use for starters; but there really isn’t any “right” way to pray. Just talk.
Share. Open up!
Meditation is what happens when I listen with the understanding that God is talking to me (think
about THAT for a minute!) Meditation is the opposite of worry. When I worry, I focus on the
problem; when I meditate, I focus on the solution. I can meditate by reading any of the myriad of
books written by and for recovering people (One Day at a Time, Just for Today, and 24 Hours a
Day, just to name a few), or I can read the books my religion espouses (the Bible or the Koran,
for example). But listening implies action. If my mom tells me to mow the lawn and I don’t do it,
I may have heard her, but I didn’t really listen to her. Meditation implies willingness to do what
I’m told. Reading the directions is one thing; following the directions is something else. And
following the directions is what leads directly to the promise found in step 12. Do you see it?
Step 12: Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps, we tried to carry this
message to other alcoholics (and addicts), and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
A lot of people think they have to experience a “spiritual awakening” before they can work Step
3, but the promise of a new spirituality actually comes in Step 12–as a direct result of working
the previous 11 Steps. I believe it is a spiritual law that understanding always follows obedience.
We don’t say, “Keep coming back, it works if you understand it.” We say, “Keep coming back, it
works if you work it.” For me, “carrying the message” is simply living a recovering lifestyle, 24
hours a day, one day at a time. My sponsor told me more than once, “You may be the only Big
Book some alcoholics ever read.” The way I carry the message is to practice the principles of
honesty, openmindedness and willingness in all my affairs. The evangelist Billy Graham once
said, “Too many people spend Saturday night sowing wild oats and then spend all day Sunday
praying for a crop failure.” True sobriety is measured in the way I behave when I don’t think
anybody is looking.
So, that’s my take on these “continuing action” steps. Working these steps day after day, one day
at a time, has brought me the kind of peace I thought was only available to others: In them I have
found the serenity, courage and wisdom for which I prayed so long. This is my wish for you.
The Spiritual Awakening
The other day I was doing the “step twelve” lecture in my drug treatment facility and was
pondering the “Having had a spiritual awakening” part of step twelve. What is that spiritual
awakening that it is talking about? How do you get it? What happens when you do? What does it
look like?
So the next day I asked the patient group what that was and they came up with so many
responses, all valid, but varied too. The twelve steps are designed to get you to have that
experience so looking at the previous eleven steps may help us to see how to get one and what it
might look like in our recovery.
Steps one through three get us started toward the spiritual experience. When you can come to the
place where you realize you are powerless, you begin to look at your addiction with eyes wide
open. Let’s face it, when we can accept our powerlessness we take the blinders off, right? We
become willing to see that something has taken control of our lives and we don’t have an answer
for it. Our consequences cause us to seek help from a power source greater, not only than us, but
greater than our disease. The second and third steps move us out of ourselves to a power greater.
Is that the spiritual experience? My first response may be yes but hang on, not so fast. Let’s not
jump from step one to twelve too quickly. We still have eight more to go.
Moving out of ourselves to a greater power is a spiritual step and opens us to greater realities and
experiences. Consider what has to happen in just the first three steps. Previously we were living
life on our terms. Life was all about us and there was nothing but our addiction that mattered. For
us to see otherwise is a miracle in itself. But that is just the beginning. As we associate with that
power that is greater than ourselves our values begin to change. Our ideas about life, that once
governed and fed our addiction, begin to be challenged. We see the world in a new light and,
guided by spiritual principles, we begin to change.
The fourth and fifth step causes us to continue with a thorough moral inventory that opens our
eyes even more. We take a serious look at ourselves and realize just how much we need to
continue to change. The sixth and seventh step continues the introspection. Daily we look and
see that our defects are a hindrance to our continued growth and we are in a place where we are
asking for our higher power to change us. We realize we need to change because there are others
whom we have affected and their welfare becomes important now.
As we continue working the steps of making amends and staying in touch with our higher power
the value shift happens. Our gaze becomes outward and not inward, we see that life and the
world have so much more to it than our myopic view used to give us. We stop making the world
about us and begin to live closer the God of our understanding, our families and with our sober
network. New opportunities present themselves and we get connected with life again or perhaps
for the first time.
Notice that the steps challenge us to start with us first. Perhaps the spiritual awakening is that
part where we become so familiar with ourselves that we begin the work of letting God change
us, which in turn, spurs our growth. Having had that spiritual experience “as a result of these
steps” begins with us. So how is it going? Have the first three caused you to reach out to that
Power that is greater than you and your disease? Have you caught a glimpse of what that new
world looks like? Have you done the hard work of identifying what changes need to be made in
your life through steps five through seven? Have you found those spiritual principles to live by
and ordered your life to conform to those?
The conscious contact with God and maintaining that relationship is vital to the spiritual
awakening. What is the vision your Higher Power has given you? Haven’t gotten it yet? If not,
keep asking for it.
Dr. Bob and Bill W. had that kind of an experience that changed the lives of many people. Both
realized that with their own sobriety, they could help others. Their spiritual awakening moved
them to create a fellowship that has changed millions of lives. Perhaps yours is not the same but
it’s just as real. Maybe it is to be a good sponsor to start with. I’m a firm believer that when we
get ourselves out of God’s way we will come face to face with that vision. We will then know
what our place in life is. My challenge to you is to work the steps faithfully so that you can have
that spiritual awakening “as a result of these steps”. You are promised one and you will get one
if you faithfully work them daily.

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The 12 Steps of Transformation

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Highlight on the 12 Steps

The Road Not Taken

Changing the Narrative

Why Is Early Recovery So Hard?

Growing Roots and The Importance of Home

Eat Healthy For Your Recovery

Eat Healthy For Your Recovery

Eat protein—you need it to rebuild a healthy body and brain.

Thoughts About Step One

My foremost thought when I think of “powerlessness” is my inability to stop drinking beyond

Spotlight on the 12 Steps, Parable for Steps

Which art in heaven

Hallowed be Thy name

Thy Kingdom come

Thy will be done, on earth

Give us this day our daily bread

And forgive us our debts

As we forgive our debtors

And lead us not into temptation

For ever and ever amen

Spotlight on the 12 Steps, Steps 1-3

Now I’m going to go soak my feet.

Spotlight on the 12 Steps, Steps 1-3

Spotlight on the 12 Steps, 1-3 IV

Spotlight on the 12 Steps, 1-3 V

Spotlight on the 12 Steps, Steps 4-6

Spotlight on the 12 Steps, 4-7

Spotlight on the 12 Steps, Forgiveness

“ Forgiveness is the gift we give ourselves.”

Spotlight on the 12 Steps, Steps 6-9

Whew! I survived. I survived the monumental Fourth and Fifth Step of drug rehabilitation that as

Spotlight on the 12 Steps, Steps 7-9 I

Spotlight on the 12 Steps, Steps 7-9 II

Spotlight on the 12 Steps, 8-9

Spotlight on the 12 Steps, Steps 10-12

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